01x10 - Kiss & Make Up

[bunniefuu]

♪ Someone once told me the grass is much greener ♪

♪ On the other side

♪ Well, I paid a visit

♪ While it's possible I missed it ♪

♪ It seemed different yet exactly the same ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

♪Till further notice♪

♪ Till further notice

♪I'm in between♪

♪ I'm in between

♪From where I'm standing♪

♪ From where I'm standing

♪ My grass is green

♪ Someone once told me the grass is much greener ♪

♪ On the other side.

BOY [on p.a.]: Uh... testing...

Due to a scheduling conflict

the date for school picture day has been changed.

Um, the new date for school picture day

which has been changed

is this Friday.

Friday? Is Chet out of his mind?

That's two full weeks earlier than originally scheduled!

Oh, I totally dread picture day.

Well, you girls better start stocking up

on your beauty sleep. [laughs]

You're going to need it.

DODIE: What is it about school pictures that reminds me

of absolutely nothing

except the day I took school pictures?

GINGER: Look at me...

my eyes have been closed since first grade.

My mother says I look like my great aunt Brigette in mine.

She never married.

Oh, I don't know.

All school pictures stink.

It's practically the law.

Courtney Gripling's looks pretty good.

[phone rings]

Hello?

Hi, Ma.

Dodie and Macie.

Nothing, really.

Tell her I said hi.

Tell her!

Macie says hi.

Yeah, I'll run an errand for you.

What do you need?

Mom...!

Seriously?

Okay... bye.

Antifungal cream for her feet.

No! No!

They're all out or she'd get it from work.

That's why I always shower in flip-flops.

You can't be too safe.

You just can't.

It's got to be here somewhere.

Why don't you ask somebody?

Right... "Excuse me, but what row

has embarrassing things for parents?"

Aisle .

Uh... thanks.

Miranda, am I more of a Peach Mist

or an Apricot Sparkle?

Mist more than Sparkle, no question.

[girls laughing]

Ginger!

Hi, Courtney.

Here to stock up on cosmetics

for school picture day? Us, too.

No, we're here on account of her mom's mold.

Aisle Six.

Thanks.

Well, we should go.

Tell me about it.

Time is of the essence

and I need to decide on my palette

and brush up on my highlight and contour skills.

Then let's not waste any more time.

Ciao for now.

Of course!

When expertly applied

makeup can make all the difference in the world!

That's Courtney's secret.

And it does explain her perpetually rosy cheeks.

Makeup works for Courtney Gripling

and it can work for us. Let's shop.

My mother says no makeup until high school.

Oh, it will be too late by high school.

Everyone will already remember you

as the pasty redhead with lusterless lips.

Oh, dear.

Enough said.

Let's shop.

Oatmeal body blush.

Twenty-two dollars?!

Ooh, collagen eye enhancer.

Seventeen dollars?!

What a total rip!

I don't even know what that junk is for.

MACIE:Jackpot!

Eucalyptus cough suppressants, a mere cents.

Sweet...

You blinked, Carl.

That's a lie.

I saw you.

It wasn't a blink.

I winced was all.

It's different: no lid-to-lid contact.

Do my feet smell bad?

[sniffs]

No, why?

I thought maybe that was why you winced.

[laughing]

[all groan]

Carl, it totally stinks in here!

Can't you keep your shoes on?

No, Ginger, that's the stench of Hoodsey's feet.

I told you they did, Carl.

You lose, Hoodsey.

That was a blink.

Can I use some of your mother's antifungal cream?

If you can wait until she gets home.

You know the rules.

Her bathroom is off-limits

with a capital "O".

Carl, Mom spun the chore wheel this morning, you know.

You got trash and grout.

Did you do it?

Ooh, cool.

Come on, guys.

Mildew and refuse

will only distract Carl for so long.

[both grunting]

[truck approaching]

CARL: Hey, Dwayne.

Slim pickings today or what?

I scored a disinfectant puck from a urinal

that might be cool for playing hockey.

[chuckles]

Oh, cool.

You have the best garbage!

You want to see garbage, my friend?

Check me out tomorrow.

Fat Friday.

I can take you to a place

where even the foulest of garbage smells sweet.

Meet me here at : a.m.

Wow...

Oh...

This is a total violation

of house rules, you guys.

We're not allowed in there.

But Ginger, this is an emergency.

Point well made.

I guess I do have an obligation

to put her fungal cream away, right?

So it doesn't get, you know, lost or eaten?

Absolutely!

Do what you got to, sister.

ALL: Wow...

MACIE: It's even more beautiful than I imagined.

Be very, very careful.

If my mom knew we were going to

sneak out at : a.m.

she'd freak all the way into the rd century.

Why? Dwayne's totally cool.

My mom knows him

and it's not like it's going to be

nighttime or anything.

[all laughing]

[engine putt-putting]

[gasps]

Oh, no, it's my mom!

DODIE: Don't panic!

GINGER: Everything back where it was.

Tubes closed, caps on, quick!

Oh, boy...

The mascara's going to hit the fan!

[gulping...]

Parent/teacher night, Carl.

I get a bad report from Gordo and you're going to...

Don't worry, Mom.

I got her charmed this semester.

Ask anyone.

[gulping]

Oh! It's true.

What did I tell you about standing

in front of the open fridge?

Move over.

[all talking at once]

Ginger, that you?

[door creaks]

Huh.

What have we... here?

[wheezing]

DODIE: Are we safe?

Too soon to tell.

[knock on door]

LOIS: Ginger? Can I come in?

Uh, sure, Mom.

Hiya, girls.

Have fun tonight?

Uh-huh.

Sorta.

I enjoyed myself in the usual manner.

Good.

Doing what, specifically?

Oh, you know, Chinese checkers

charades, ornate paper folding...

The Japanese call it origami.

Do they?

It's funny, you know.

I thought they called it

tampering in your mother's makeup

when you know her bathroom is off limits.

Oop.

Okay, Ginge, I'm waiting for the excuse here

and it better be good.

We're tired of looking dorky, Ma.

I mean, just once I'd like to have

a picture worth trading.

Wouldn't you like a wallet-size you could be proud of?

I'm proud of all the pictures of you kids...

except maybe that one of Carl with the raisin up his nose.

Mom, can't we bend the rules a little, just this once?

[sighs]

Look, there are a hundred reasons

why girls your age shouldn't wear makeup.

What I really mean to say is

you girls have your whole lives to grow up.

Enjoy what you've got now.

Enjoy being yourselves.

Okay.

Sorry, Mrs. Foutley.

And keep your tails out of my bathroom.

[shivering, groaning]

Hey, what are you two doing up so early?

We get up at : a lot.

Yeah, you know...

to work out and stuff.

Uh, what kind of workout involves

just standing on the curb in the dark?

It's a new regimen.

Mostly popular in Europe and stuff.

Right... [scoffs]

Tell Dwayne I said hi!

Think he knew?

[truck approaching]

[rock music playing...]

Now, there's three rules of trash-picking.

Location, location and location.

Now, why waste your time

sifting for your average toss-offs

around Sheltered Shrubs

when there's buried treasure for the taking

in Protected Pines?

CARL: Whoa...

DWAYNE: Where do you think I got thisamande croissant,dude?

Oh... farewell, embarrassing blanky of infancy.

Taunt me no more.

Hoodsey, look, it's Blake!

What's Blake doing up so early

sneaking around outside?

There's one way to find out.

Whoa... a food processor.

What kind of a lunatic would throw

one of these babies away?

Shush!

Think that's what Blake threw out?

Nah, what Blake was trying to dispose of...

...was this.

Oh my gosh, his baby blanket!

Shush!

It just screams juvenile.

Oh, it screams a lot more than that, Dwayne.

It screams a lot more than that.

[cackling]

Better Beauty...

Girlmania...

Young Face...

Knowing Your Hamster?

I only read it for the articles.

Somewhere within these pages lies the answer to our prayers!

Now, let's get cracking.

It says here if you bite your lower lip for a few hours

it looks rosier.

And sleeping on a block of ice

gives you a creamy white complexion.

A change in the cage once a week prevents hamster mildew.

Sorry.

Oh my gosh!

Page ofGirlmania.

"Makeup needn't be purchased.

It can be made from everyday household items."

But Ginger...

You promised your mom you wouldn't wear makeup.

This isn't really makeup, Macie, it's...

"crushed crayons

"petroleum jelly... berries..."

This is it!

The recipe to glamour is ours!

And the ingredients were right here under our noses the whole time!

Speaking of which

try not to finish your raspberry pudding.

We're going to need it.

Oh... yes... yes!

Dodie, Dodie, fetch me a cup of cranberries!

Ginger, start peeling crayons!

I do believe I'm an autumn... most certainly not a winter.

Most certainly not.

[laughing]

Both: Aah!

Hey, guys, find any good stuff trash-picking this morning?

Did we?! Carl found Bla...

We weren't trash-picking, Darren.

What makes you think we were?

Hey, save it, Carl.

: a.m., Fat Friday?

You know, I rolled with Dwayne

once or twice in my day.

Yeah, well, that was then, this is now.

Our relationship with Dwayne is purely social.

We dig his vibe.

Case closed.

[scoffs]

We hold the ultimate blackmail w*apon

over the ultimate blackmail victim.

Ha-ha-ha!

Alas, Sir Galahad

you have given your last kingdom for your last horse.

I demand you pay the tariff.

[gasps]

Who goes there?!

Curious...

[stifling laughter]

Now for the dance of Baby Blue.

This is too good.

Who's there?

This is private property.

[gasps] You again!

Hideous apparition, it just cannot be.

Oh, you left me, Blake...

after all we've been through.

How could you abandon me?

I love you!

[snickers]

Oh... ye gads...

Let's go, he's coming!

Foutley! Who else?!

And I know just where to find you.

[grunting]

[whistling]

[gasping and stammering]

Why, Blake, what brings you here?

You boys know precisely why I am here.

Oh, you've sunk low this time, Foutley.

Dreadfully low!

Well, whatever do you mean?

That blanky has been the bane of my existence

for lo, these past seven and three-quarter years.

I want it destroyed!

[sighs]

What's your price?

Hoodsey...

[clears throat]

One: Blake shall wear novelty rabbit ears

whenever Carl demands.

No...

Two: when Carl needs to test water balloons

Blake shall serve as a moving target.

Oh...

Three: Blake shall

install carpeting in the doghouse...

by hand.

Ooh... misery is mine.

Number four...

[bell dings]

Did it work?

Did we do it?

Well...?

Did we?

Girls...

I believe we have created makeup!

Uh... not technically makeup

because that would be breaking the rules.

It's more like, um...fakeup!

To fakeup!

All: To fakeup!

rI don't understand it.

Mumma?

I have looked for it everywhere.

Winston hasn't seen it, nor Cook, nor Seamstress.

Oh, you must be terribly distraught.

Ah, if only you knew.

But perhaps my blanky has disappeared for a reason.

Ah, yes, perhaps it's fate's way of saying...

Nonsense, Blake!

That blanky is a family heirloom

one that you will pass down to your child

when you decide on a clever "B" name.

Uh... uh... oh...

["Stayin' Alive"-like theme playing...]

[toilet flushing]

[camera clicking, kids exclaiming]

Oh, that's great, Courtney. Feel it!

Oh, the camera loves you!

[camera clicking]

Are they auditioning for clown school?

[laughs]

I don't know, but if they are

I have a feeling they're going to get in.

Ginger Foutley!

This is it!

Good luck!

You, too.

I feel a nosebleed coming on.

Definitely not in keeping with my palette.

[kids muttering]

GIRL: ...tell her how stupid she looks.

[giggles]

[sighs nervously]

Uh... I'm a little nervous.

That's okay, work with what you got, princess.

Show me fun.

MACIE: We were hot... so hot!

Did you happen to watch me work?

I've got a feeling

these are going to be the best pictures ever!

I really hope so.

COURTNEY: Nice hustle out there, ladies.

Seen worse... seen worse.

Did you hear that?

She's seen worse.

[Blake grunting]

Yeah, we're going to need steam cleanings...

uh... twice a week.

And if I refuse?

We tell the whole world about your little baby blanky.

Waa, waa, waa...

Ne'er again shall I place my dignity

in the soil-ed hands of the public sanitation system!

I don't believe this.

You've done some low things before, Carl

but this is the all-time.

Hoodsey, I told you to lower the mini-blinds.

Well, Blake didn't get around to installing them yet.

Go on home, kid.

Your secret's safe.

Oh... thank you...

I thank you, whoever you are.

What are you doing spying on us anyway, Darren?

You kidding? You've been acting like pod people

ever since the day I saw you waiting for Dwayne.

He made me do it!

He's the brains!

I bet you think you're pretty clever.

[chuckles] Give it up, Carl.

Never! There are many other ways

to torment Blake Gripling.

You know, Carl, uh

I was hoping it wouldn't come to this

but I seem to remember a certain neighbor of mine

who never went anywhere

without his little stuffed... lambie-pie.

Stuffed lambie-pie?

Or do you not remember Cousin Baa-baa?

You're sick.

I was just a boy!

You had a stuffed lamb?

Uh... I can't recall, okay?

It might have been, uh... a tiger.

It was a lamb, Carl...

and Baa-baa was his name-o.

So if you don't want anybody to find out

lay off Blake Gripling.

Ooh... you're good.

Gordon: If there's anything I can do

I know a wonderful obedience school

that worked miracles with my Buttons...

though she's a purebred.

So you're saying you don't find Carl charming?

Because he says...

You poor, dear woman.

Why do I listen to those two?

Lois! How are you?

Eh, I'm fine.

But my son is another story entirely.

How's Ginger doing?

Please tell me she's a delight.

[laughs]

She is, don't worry.

Oh, before I forget, let me give you

her school pictures to take home.

Want to take a little sneak peek?

Ginger!

But, Mom, it'sfakeup.

I didn't really break a rule.

You are grounded, Ginger, indefinitely, period.

But it wasn't real makeup.

The foundation's made of gravy, the blush is just cranberries...

I don't care.

It's all being confiscated.

Now go to your room.

But, Mom...

End of discussion.

Oh...

[bell dings]

Whoever heard of such a thing?

Gravy foundation.

Hmm... needs blush.

[rock music playing...]

You know what to do.

Trust me.

Nobody will ever see this blanky again.

I know it stings

but you did the right thing, Carl. Trust me.

Uh-huh.

I... I just need to be alone now.

[squeaks]

Stupid lamb...

Oh...

Eww... it doesn't look anything like me... thankfully.

It's better than mine.

I look like a ventriloquist's dummy.

I don't even recognize this hot mama.

We were totally better off just being ourselves.

These look ridiculous.

And I'm grounded.

At least we got permission for re-dos on makeup day.

You mean no makeup day.

Definitely.

See you at lunch?

Okay. Bring your appetite.

Something tells me I'm going to be brown-bagging our fakeup.

[both laugh]

MACIE: We were hot... so hot!