01x16 & 01x17 & 01x18 - Season of Caprice

[bunniefuu]

♪ Someone once told me the grass is much greener ♪

♪ On the other side...

♪ Well, I paid a visit

♪ While it's possible I missed it ♪

♪ It seemed different yet exactly the same ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

♪Till further notice♪

♪ Till further notice

♪I'm in between♪

♪ I'm in between

♪From where I'm standing♪

♪ From where I'm standing

♪ My grass is green

♪ Someone once told me the grass is much greener ♪

♪ On the other side.

[ticking loudly]

GINGER: At some moments, it seems like time actually stands still.

I mean, when you're waiting for something really cool to happen

one lousy minute can last an eternity.

[ticking echoes]

[bell rings...]

[kids cheering]

And then there's summer vacation.

The long-awaited freedom from routine.

It kind of does strange things to people...

DODIE AND MACIE: ♪ At Camp Caprice, 'Price, 'Price ♪

♪ We don't say "mooses," we say "meese"! ♪

ALL: ♪ And we are proud, proud, proud ♪

♪ So we sing our song aloud!

[all laugh]

MILTY: 'Scuse me... whoop... step aside...

Out of the way, Dodie.

Man with trout to catch, coming through!

GINGER: "No school for the whole summer."

The six sweetest words in the English language.

Unless you count "Not impacted, no need for removal."

I, for one, still have tons to do

and the bus for Camp Caprice leaves day after tomorrow!

Don't remind me.

My mom hasn't even finished

sewing name labels into all my clothes yet.

Name labels? Which designer?

Well, actually, we're talking about Camp Caprice...

You know...

bonfires and ghost stories?

Canoe races and s'mores?

Mosquitoes and the thr*at of encephalitis?

Anyway, you have to sew your name into your clothes.

It's a camp rule.

Oh... you mean kind of like

having your own clothing line!

Actually, it's just so you don't get back

someone else's underwear when the camp does the wash.

Gee. Sounds like oodles of fun.

Sorry Courtney and I will be missing out.

We'll be cruising the Virgins this summer.

Beg pardon?

As in the American Virgin Islands?

You know, Saint Croix, Saint Thomas and, uh...

the rest of the Saints.

Oh. Well, that sounds fun, too.

Hope you guys have a blast.

Oh, we will.

[scoffs] Could they be more ?

Miranda...

about this "summer camp" thing.

What's the skinny?

Don't even go there, Courtney.

Some kids may consider it a rite of passage...

Really?

But I simply

do not see it that way.

Stupid songs, pointless hikes

and macrame friendship bracelets

that clash with everything.

Trust me, Courtney.

It's not for a girl like you.

A girl like me?

What's that supposed to mean?

It means you're a little high maintenance

for summer camp.

High maintenance?

I'm just being realistic, okay?

You wouldn't last two minutes

in a place like Camp Caprice.

Is that so?

[dialing phone]

Winston? Cancel my cruise

and book me for a summer session at Camp Caprice.

Courtney! You know my father won't let me go on that cruise alone!

I'll show you, Miranda!

If going to summer camp is a rite of passage

then I say "here, here!"

Well, then, I say, "you just totally ruined my whole summer."

Thanks a lot!

You're very welcome!

BOTH: Oh...!

HOODSEY: ...after last summer, my mom was all, "Aunt Myrna's

never going to invite you back again."

But now I got to go.

I really don't want to spend another summer

on my Aunt Myrna's pig farm, Carl.

So, he strikes again.

That's the third stolen dog in two blocks.

What do you want to bet it's the same demento

who was responsible for the disappearance of my dog Monster?

That was years ago, Carl.

You've got to move past the sadness in your life.

It may have been years ago, Hoods

but it was right around this time.

There's a serious crime here that needs solving.

Forget about that pig farm.

This is the summer you and I catch that wacko dog thief.

And avenge Monster Foutley's untimely end.

Wow! You're, like, all passionate and stuff!

I smell payback, Hoodsey.

And as you may or may not know...

that's my favorite smell

in the whole wide world.

Mine is ribs.

All we have to do now is explain to our parents

that we're too old for camp and pigs

and demand to stay home.

Well, you think they'll listen?

Absolutely not.

No, no and double no.

But sendingmeto camp

is like making Einstein play tennis.

What are you up to?

Oh, you disappoint me, Lola.

Look, cut me a little slack here

and I promise to take care of you

when you're really, really old. Deal?

That's a flattering offer, Carl.

Listen, you come up with a good, productive reason you need to stay home

and then, and only then

will I maybe even kind of think

about considering it.

Fair enough.

And don't say you want to join the library's summer Latin club.

Hoodsey already tried that one onhismother.

I won't let you down, Monster.

GINGER: Every so often, you reach a point

when your life is like a blank journal.

[sniffs]

Ah...

Waiting to be filled.

[grunting...]

Need a hand?

Or a... rump?

[chuckles]

My hero.

So...

Ready for a laugh?

[laughs weakly]

I'm being sent to m*llitary camp.

No way!

It was my dad's idea.

He won't say why

but I think it's because I'm not like him and Will.

But that's a good thing, Darren.

Yeah, I always thought so.

But now its Spengler m*llitary Academy for me.

Same one the old man went to when he was a boy.

Spengler? Are you serious?

Then you'll be right across the lake from me!

We can practically wave to each other.

Yeah. You'll be waving.

I'll be saluting.

Oh... miss you already, Darren.

[gate creaks]

[whistles]

[sniffs]

[whimpers]

CARL: Oh, no!

They got Muffin now.

I know, it was on the news last night, too.

Dr. Randall was crying and everything.

The dog thief has struck again.

Muffin makes five!

We're running out of time.

Too bad that Latin thing didn't really pan out.

Think, Hoods!

We need to come up with a good reason

to hang around Sheltered Shrubs this summer.

Hey! That's Kit!

Hoods... you're a genius!

We want to stay home

and start a nice, respectable business

like a cleaning service!

Make some money, show responsibility.

Moms love that stuff.

It's crazy!

Plus, a cleaning service

is the perfect cover

to get into people's houses!

To do a little... private investigating.

But Carl, how can a couple of filthy boys like us

get a leg-up on qualified professionals

wearing snug purple coveralls? Like Kit?

Simple. The way you always compete in a crowded marketplace.

Hit 'em with a gimmick!

Come again?A what?

All-Vampire Cleaning Service.

We won't suck your blood, just your dust.

Uh, but we don't do windows or mirrors.

It freaks us out 'cause we don't have reflections.

I don't get it.

I get it... I just don't believe it.

See, we've already broken it down

into neighborhoods, house size, dirt factor...

There's plenty of work to keep us busy all summer.

Plus, at cents an hour

we seriously undercut the competition.

And if you act now, we're prepared to throw in

one free shiatsu massage for you guys.

Redeemable weekends or early mornings only.

Even though the voice of reason

is screaming in my ear right now...

I for one can't argue with shiatsu.

My lower back is m*rder.

Well, for my dollar, I'd rather see

Robert Joseph cleaning up dirt

instead of rolling around in it... for once.

Okay.

You boys are in business.

BOTH: Yes!

Although Aunt Myrna and the pigs

will be very disappointed.

Trust me, Jo-Jo.

They'll get over it.

[kisses hand]

[classical music playing softly...]

Oh! No, no, no...

The name tag goes on theinsideof the collar.

Not over the little pocket emblem.

Mademoiselle, are these enough to keep the moths away?

Maybe another few, Giselle.

Iwillbe packing cashmere.

Mm-hmm!

I've got a bad feeling about this, Miss.

Pardon my saying, but you're the type who needs tending to.

Oh, Winston, not you, too?

I am going to Camp Caprice.

I am going to drink bug juice

and I am going to hear

no more about it!

Understood, Miss.

Now, I need you to keep a stiff upper lip.

You know how the staff looks to you for strength.

Ah, well...

Shall I pack bug spray or lotion?

Sure you want to go through with this, dear?

I mean, the Islands won't be the same without you.

BLAKE: I should say not.

They shall be quieter, for one.

And thereby infinitely better!

Blake! Show some compassion!

Your sister's spending her summer

in little more than third world conditions.

There, there, fragile matriarch.

I've done the research

and found out it's practically a spa.

WOMAN: Should I line your sleeping bag

with the same fabric I used for your eye shade, Miss?

Now, in case of snakebite

you know you don't suck out the poison.

That's just in the movies, okay?

Okay, Mom.

Okay. I'll ease up.

But I still get a good-bye hug, right?

Aw...

I'm not feeling it.

Aw... [chuckles]

That's better. [kisses]

I love ya, kiddo.

And I want a letter every week.

That I can do.

And don'tyouforget to send gum.

ThatIcan do.

MACIE: Ginger, saved you a seat.

Come on!

Hi, Mrs. Foutley!

Good-bye, Mrs. Foutley!

Have fun, girls!

Be careful!

Okay... Battleship Blitz or Parcheesee?

I vote for... license plates!

Ooh, same!

Right, right. Save the best for last.

COURTNEY: Wait! Stop!

[panting]

Come on, Winston, hurry!

Courtney? You're coming to Camp Caprice?

Isn't it surreal?

That's... great, Courtney.

But not to worry.

I've been fully briefed on

the ins and outs of camp chic

so I'll fit right in.

Winston, be a dear

and tip the driver handsomely.

Ta-ta!

[sighs, chuckles]

This is going to be fun.

So, there are two kinds of friends...

Your home friends and your away-from-home friends.

And when those two sets of friends collide

you kind of see them both in a whole new light.

♪ At Camp Caprice, 'Price, 'Price ♪

♪ We don't say "mooses," we say "meese" ♪

♪ And we feel proud, proud, proud ♪

♪ So we sing our song aloud!

♪ And every morning, morning, morning ♪

♪ as a new day's dawning, dawning ♪

♪ We are proud, proud, proud

♪ So we sing our song aloud!

[chuckles] It's very annoying.

MACIE: One more time!

♪ We come in peace, peace, peace ♪

♪ We're the girls of Camp Caprice ♪

♪ And we are proud, proud, proud ♪

♪ So we sing our song aloud!

[cheering...]

WOMAN: ...and I'm thinking I see some new faces out there!

Hi, new faces! Hi!

And also some familiar ones! Hi!

We've been standing here for hours.

I'm ready for my masseuse.

[whispers]: It's only been five minutes.

And they don't have a masseuse.

...and for last year's "guppies"

now entering the "sunfish" age group...

Ooh! That's us!

WOMAN: This is the summer you'll get certified

right after you make the island swim

at Camp Caprice Lake.

Let's give a big hand for Jed

who heads up the waterfront!

[whispers]: So we meet again.

Ginger!

You guys!

GIRL : Oh, you let your hair grow.

It's really nice.

Any questions?

Question!

Oxygen facials.

Are they part of the package or are they extra?

Aren't we supposed to, like

not be outside in the daylight?

Hoods, Principal Milty is the only one who's called so far

and we got to start somewhere.

I'm just saying I thought

we weren't supposed to see daylight.

Hoods, he's not our principal anymore.

There's nothing to be scared of.

Well...

when he was at Lucky Elementary

we were in his office every other day getting screamed at.

I don't like getting screamed at, Carl.

Ancient history.

He probably doesn't even remember us.

[rings doorbell]

[as Bela Lugosi]: We're here to clean your home.

Hello, Carl.

Robert.

Uh... and Carl said

"Why don't you pull the pin out

on the fire extinguisher just to see?"

and so I did and then I...

Hoods, snap out of it!

Now, you understand I'm paying you

tocleanthe house, right?

Right.

So no repeat

ofsecond grade

if you know what I mean.

Please. We're professionals.

Well, the price was right, anyway.

Now, I'm running out to get a manicure

and then I have an important appointment.

You boys leave the key under the mat

when you're through.

And, uh, I marked the levels on all the soda bottles

so, uh... [chuckles]... don't even think about it.

Let's get this over with.

This is good-bye, son.

Dad, don't make it sound so final.

You know, one day you're going to thank me for this.

Yeah. I'd thank you right now, Dad

if you take me home with you.

You...

Ow!

CHET: Wait! No...

No, hey, wait, wait... I don't...

No, please...

Let me go to Grandma's!

See? Zipper can hardly wait to start.

[clears throat]

So long, son!

[sighs]

Assignment number one!

Pitch the tent you will sleep in!

Hi. How are you?

I'm Darren.

Move! Move! Move!

GINGER: Hey...

What's that for?

For our summer goals!

I was thinking we should each set one.

Mine is to be more hands on

since I eventually want to be a counselor here some day.

"More hands on..."

Okay, what about you guys?

[clattering]

[grunting...]

Oh, what a charming hiking station.

I read all about them in Adventure Girl Magazine.

So will a servant be coming by

to carry my trunk to the hotel?

There aren't any servants.

And there is no hotel.

We sleep here.

We're the Navaho girls and this is the Navaho cabin.

♪ We are proud, proud, proud, so we sing our song ♪

♪ aloud.

Oh... well, I think

the faux dead flies on the windowsill add a...

[laughs nervously] They're not faux.

But there is some good news, C.G.

Saved you the lower bunk.

Hope you don't mind a little light snoring.

"C.G.?"

Well, I'm all unpacked.

I'm going to go check out

what's changed since last year.

I've got to hit the infirmary.

Already?

Just want to acquaint myself with the staff.

It pays to grease the wheel.

I'll walk you over.

I want to stock up on postcards at the canteen.

Race ya!

[all laughing...]

Uh, did you girls want some company?

A-as in... me?

GINGER: My favorite thing

about being away from a place you really love

is how when you come back...

it's almost like it's new again.

There you are, Lady Guinevere.

[chuckles]

How have you been?

[cow moos]

[chuckles]

I brought something for you.

[chuckles]

BOY: Uh, hey...

Campers aren't supposed to feed the horses.

You know, camp rule.

It's just an apple.

I brought it for Guinevere.

She's an old friend.

She remembers you.

Either that or she's using me for my produce.

[whinnying]

[both laugh]

Um, can I?

Don't let Margie find out.

Uh... you're new, aren't you?

I mean, I've never seen you before.

I'm Ginger.

COURTNEY: Yoo-hoo!

Ginger! Boy!

You know her?

Yeah...

Ginger, you're the girl in the know.

Where do we drop off our dry cleaning?

Boy! You there!

Can you run a quick errand?

Bottled water.

I'm out of here.

That was rude.

He didn't even introduce himself.

Maybe he's... shy.

HOODSEY: Almost done, Carl!

Hey, is it okay to use toilet bowl cleaner in the tub?!

It's okay with me!

Okay, thanks!

Hey, what are you doing down there?

[turns on vacuum] Can't hear you!

[toy squeaks]

[gasps]

Carl, I'm not sure this cleaner's working.

Is tub tile supposed to turn blue?

[squeaks toy]

You see a dog anywhere around?

MAN: Now, when I give the order, you drop to your yellow bellies

and shimmy under the barbed wire!

There you'll meet a recruit from the other side

and hand off the baton

then shimmy back under

and return to your starting place.

Are we having fun yet?!

ALL: Sir, yes, sir!

Uh, sir, yeah, what skill is this supposed to teach us?

Teamwork, Patterson.

Something your father and brother know all about.

Hmm... right.

Just checking.

I say...ready... set... go!

[panting and grunting]

Give me a break.

[panting]

Ouch! Stupid barbed wire!

Miranda?

You're here, too?

[coughing]

I got drafted once Courtney backed out of our cruise.

My dad's head sergeant here.

[whistles]

I thought I had it bad.

People, this is not a cake walk, do you copy?!

Now hand off that baton

and move, move, move!

Thanks.

Save you a seat in mess hall?

Assuming you make it back alive? I guess.

[crickets chirping]

JED: ...and even though it was the middle of the day

and she was Camp Caprice's best swimmer...

she never came back.

So, you're saying she drowned?

Nope. They drained the lake.

Never found her.

She just... disappeared.

Once or twice, in the mess hall on Make Your Own Taco Night

I could swear I've seen her ghost.

Standing in line for more flour tortillas. No lie.

[twig snaps]

[girls scream]

MACIE: It's her!

Sorry I'm late.

Um, I couldn't find the crackers.

[girls sigh]

Uh...

I can't take that swimming test, you guys.

Aw, come on, you don't really believe the story.

You'll be fine, Macie.

I can't.

I don't want to end up haunting Taco Night, too...

Don't worry, Macie, I'll be there to make sure nothing goes wrong.

I'm the waterfront guy, remember?

Do I... [snorts laugh]

Oh. That can be your summer goal, Macie!

Working up the courage

to swim across that lake!

I'll write it on the chalkboard when we get home.

Did you come up with something yet, Ginger?

Uh... not yet.

Well, think. Before you know it, the session will be over.

Tell me about it.

Oh, here you all are!

I swear I can't make heads or tails

of this compass thingy.

Okay, ladies!

Who wants to make s'mores?

GIRLS: We do!

DODIE: I'll help, Margie.

Dodie, I have to say

I'm really impressed with your camp spirit, spirit, spirit.

How would you like to be a sort of

counselor in training?

Oh, I would like that more than anything, Margie!

Then, let's make those s'mores!

[blows whistle]

[whispers]: Take the next one down.

Hey! No hogging the crackers, Ginger!

You look funny. What's up?

Nothing.

Just thinking about my summer goal.

[crickets chirping]

[girls snoring]

Hey, easy on the camp property, Ginger!

Margie just replaced those doors last summer, sheesh!

[mosquito buzzing]

Oh.

[mosquito buzzing]

Oh! Okay...

Buzzing little pests, a total lack of privacy

and no indoor plumbing I can pretend to live with.

But when you compromise my beauty sleep...

Ouch.

The mosquitos had a field day on you, C.G.

Macie, I've asked you a million times

to stop calling me C.G.

[reveillé playing]

Looks like someone is a little short on camp "spirit, spirit, spirit

sing it loud so we can hear it."

No, Dodie, I won't.

Look at me!

I'm a mess!

I haven't had a proper blow dry in days

my only companions are you two

and my poor, ravaged body doesn't even know

how to metabolize that garbage they call food.

[mosquito buzzing]

[buzzing stops, mosquito thuds]

Have you tried the jerk tuna salad pinwheels?

They're not half bad, C.G.

Argh! One more time, Lightfoot.

I'm warning you.

GINGER: You know how you can feel one way

in your regular life back home

but then, as soon as summer comes

it's almost like you're a totally different person?

I never thought I would become infatuated

with a boy I hardly even know!

Oh!

Huh...

Uh, Cupid, I presume?

Not exactly.

I just work for him.

Hi Sasha!

Hmm... she's cute.

I remember my first summer at sleepaway.

[whistle blows]

Yeah, well, uh, duty calls.

I got to go set up the archery course.

Sasha, wait.

Listen, I think you got

the wrong impression the other day.

See, I'm not like Courtney Gripling.

I mean, the way she talked to you-- it was really rude.

And I'm not one of those kind of girls.

So what kind of girl are you?

[blowing whistle]

Guess you're going to have to find that one out for yourself!

[bell dinging, whimsical music playing]

[both panting]

[both panting]

[both panting]

Frozen Malted-Milk Monkeys-- two of them.

[bell dinging]

[both eating loudly]

So, Principal Milty is the pet napper-- that much we know.

But why?

I mean, what's his motive?

Omigosh!

Look, Carl!

The playground is totally empty!

And the good swing!

It's free!

No line or anything!

Now in the case of Monster-- that's easy.

Milty just probably wanted revenge

for all the rotten tricks we pulled on him

back when he was our principal.

Look, Carl!

It's true!

It goes much higher than the other swings!

So much higher!

But as for the rest of the missing pooches?

Who knows?

And Milty may not be the only one involved, Hoods.

This thing could go all the way to the top.

You mean like school superintendent?

We may have stumbled onto something bigger than the both of us.

We should call the police, Carl.

Premature!

We still need more evidence.

We have to catch him in the act.

But all the dogs have been stolen at night.

My mom usually likes me in bed by nine.

Hoods, when has your mom ever stopped us before?

[girls grunting]

[crowd cheering, girls grunting]

[winning team cheering]

Hey, Ginge?

You in there?

We're going

on a nature hike.

Want to come with?

I guess no one's there.

Hello, I'm Courtney.

Gripling.

Ginger's already gone.

Oh, let's go, Sarah.

Sorry Ginger didn't get a chance to formally introduce us.

We're super-tight friends.

You? And Ginger?

Absolutely-- she's been to a bunch of my parties.

I've tried to introduce her to all the right people.

I guess you could say

I've really taken Ginger under my wing.

[both snickering]

Sure, right.

Well, then, we're just going to go, you know, take a hike.

Brilliant!

Let me just grab my parasol.

This is a two-day mission, weaklings!

That means hours: no potato chippies, no television sets

no internet, no hot showers

no nothing!

ALL: Sir, yes, sir!

You will be armed with nothing more than a rope

a match and a low-quality penknife!

Drop and give me !

Now!

[all grunt]

One...

[all grunting]

Um... two...

You're pathetic, Zipper.

Um, sir... yes, sir.

Um, no upper body strength to speak of, sir.

Well, kiddies, if on your mission

the food supply runs out

you'll know who to eat first, hmm?

Man! Your Dad is totally harsh, Miranda.

KILLGALLEN: Beg pardon, Patterson?

Did you have something to say?

Um, I was just talking to Miranda.

[mockingly]: I was talking to Miranda!

Lookee here, son!

When you address me, you will address me as "sir"!

You understand?!

Sir, yes, sir!

I was just talking to Miranda, your daughter, sir!

But please, carry on

with intimidating and humiliating my peers, sir!

I believe you were on Chet Zipper.

[snickering]

We got ourselves a genuine smarty-mouth on our hands!

Patterson, since you and your little girlfriend have

so much to talk about, perhaps you can do so

while stripping and refinishing the barracks

while the rest of these toddlers are on their survival expedition!

Dad, that's totally unfair!

Little lady, you will address me

as every other private does in this troop!

Sir, yes, sir.

KILLGALLEN [in distance]: Drop and give me ! Now!

[Courtney gasping]

If you don't believeme about Ginger

you can go ask her for yourself.

It was me who set her up with her boyfriend back home--

Ian Richton.

Ginger has a boyfriend?

No way!

Oh, believe me, Ginger's boyfriend is a total catch!

He's cute and rich and popular.

And did I mention rich?

SARAH: Wow-- sounds like Ginger sure has changed.

CINNAMON-ANN: I'll say.

[kids cheering]

[shivering]

Way to go, Dinah!

Way to show that teamwork, ladies.

Rock and roll.

That's a Camp Caprice record!

"Sunfish" status for the entire bunk in just one morning.

Whoo-hoo!

Cherokee rules!

Now, don't let them Cherokees intimidate you, Navahos.

Let's get in that lake and show them what we're made of!

Who's our first swimmer?

I say, who's first?

Who?

Come on, which one of you?

Jed, Margie asked that I keep my whistle on me at all times

to help keep the order.

I should probably go last, after all the hoopla is over.

Macie?

I've got a festering sore on my ankle

from yesterday's nature walk.

Really don't think I should get the bandage wet.

Now, Mace, a little fresh air

and some Camp Caprice lake water might do it some good.

And I'll be right here watching you.

Antibiotic ointment on hand.

Unbelievable bedside manner.

Did I mention my chronic battle with swimmer's ear?

Uh, Courtney?

Quick dip?

Uh... Jed.

I think we both know the answer to that.

Right.

Well, this is a new record, all right.

Never before has an entire cabin of girls refused...

GINGER: I'll do it.

Atta girl, Ginger!

There's wildlife in there, Ginger.

You don't have to do this.

Now, it's a long swim, Ginger.

So there's no need to rush.

No rush.

If you get tired, just raise one hand in the air

and your bunk mates will fish you right out.

One hand, and I reel you in like a flounder.

Got it.

And another thing:

it helps to picture something you really like

waiting for you at the other end

like a foot-long hoagie with melted Swiss

or a universal remote control

with illuminated night vision keypad, or...

[splash]

She's off!

[kids cheering]

[girls panting]

Go, Ginger, go!

Oh!

[panting]

[girls cheering]

GIRL: You're almost there! Go!

MACIE: Row! Row!

[panting]

[panting]

[geese honking]

[strumming]

COURTNEY: I really don't see what makes this a "friendship" bracelet!

It doesn't even have any semi-precious stones or metals.

Do you think Jed likes maroon?

Mmm... interesting use of color, Ginger.

So who's it for?

Ah, yuck!

Meet you guys back at the bunk.

[strumming]

[tuning]

Hi, I'm Ginger.

I'm Melanie.

Wow, thanks!

I'm just learning to play guitar, too.

How old are you?

I'm almost nine.

Wow, I'm really impressed.

Here, let me play you something I'm working on.

Promise not to laugh, okay?

Okay.

♪ There were copper-colored ponies ♪

♪ There was air that smelled like rain ♪

♪ And the moon was out in daytime ♪

♪ When I first learned your name... ♪

[giggling]

Hey, you promised!

Cutie-pie.

Uh, Melanie, this is Courtney.

Courtney, Melanie.

Hi.

Okay, Ginger

don't think I haven't noticed

you giving me the cold shoulder lately.

And if I didn't know better

I'd swear you were a little lovesick.

How'd you know?!

Ginger, when it comes to affairs of the heart, I know.

And it's understandable that you'd be a little cranky

what with your boyfriend Ian so far away.

Courtney, I...

Beverly, be a dear

and skedaddle for me, won't you?

Ginger and I have "big girl" things to discuss.

Melanie!

Wait!

Stop avoiding the subject!

Now, I'm willing to overlook the fact

that this camp you raved so much about is a total bore.

Not to me it isn't.

And the people here don't exactly know who I am

which is even more of a bore.

I mean, they're treating me

as if I'm just like everyone else.

Youarejust like everyone else, Courtney.

No offense, okay

but sometimes you can be a little...

A little what?

A little high maintenance, okay?

No, not okay, okay?

You've changed, Ginger.

And I'm not the only one to notice it.

Cinnamon-Ann and Sarah said so, too!

[sighs in exasperation]

Maybe they're right.

[gasps]

Yo tengo los resultados te tu examen, Carmen.

iAye, Dios mio!

iTengo muchos nerviosos!

[clicks]

Hey, I was watching that!

Carmen was just about to get back the results of her pregnancy test!

The midday news is on, Hoods.

Local Police have now confirmed

that these "Sausage Snap" dog treats are indeed

the ones being used in the mysterious nappings.

Pet owners are urged to take extra caution

in securing their homes at night--

particularly if their pets have a fondness

for these chewy, meaty treats.

[chewing loudly]

From Sheltered Shrubs, I'm Archie Chang.

Back to you at the station.

[coughing]

[clicks off]

Did you hear that?

Another clue!

Amuy importanteclue!

Carl, your muddy sneakers on my clean counter top?

Shoo!

Hoods, I think you're taking this job a little too seriously.

Well, you're not taking it seriously enough!

Milty pays us good money to keep this place tidy

yet I find myself cleaning up after you.

Ah, but why?

Because you're a walking pig sty, Carl.

No, Hoodsey.

Why does Milty continue to hire us

to clean and re-clean his already clean home?

Because he's got something to hide, Hoods!

Incriminating dog hair, perhaps?

Fur balls? Slobber?

Come on, Carl.

I think I would notice if I found something like

an entire cabinet stocked with "Sausage Snap" dog treats!

I've said it before and I'll say it again:

you cannot trust a principal.

[sighing]

I think we're making excellent progress.

Oh... making me call him "sir"!

Can you believe that?

Kind of reminds me of my old man.

Where do they get off?

So I guess we have a lot in common.

Kind of funny that we never hung out before... until now.

We are not "hanging out," Patterson.

Wesimply happen to be sharing

the most miserable summer of my entire life.

I just hope Courtney is half as miserable as we are!

Don't worry.

She is.

What have you got?

Letter from Ginger.

Aah... I can't let you read the first three pages...

but here.

"Courtney, however, is having a terrible time.

Despite the Gripling charm, she hasn't made one single friend."

[crying]

[collecting herself]

"Survive remainder of summer at Camp Caprice."

[blows]

So... is that the kind of misery

you had in mind, or what?

[crying]

Miranda, what's wrong?

This is all my fault.

The only reason Courtney is toughing it out over there

is to prove to me that she can do it.

All because of this stupid fight we had!

Now we're both having miserable summers.

Well, Miranda, the summer's not over yet.

[grunts]

[yelps]

GIRL: It's mine! I'm all over it!

[blows whistle]

Listen up, people!

Dodie, you ruined my sh*t!

Matilda is in labor!

Whose team is Matilda on?

Matilda, the Camp Caprice Cow, is in labor.

Anyone who wants to witness an actual birth

should hotfoot it up to the Animal Farm a.s.a.p!

GINGER: Macie, let's go.

Come on, girl.

It's okay.

You're doing fine.

SASHA:Shh...

Actually, I'm a touch nauseous.

[lowing]

Come on, you're doing fine.

Okay, kids, here we go!

Somebody get another towel and some hot water!

I got it!

[Matilda lowing]

Easy, now, easy girl.

Come on now, where's that water?!

Here it is!

Here it comes, everyone!

[all exclaiming, Matilda lowing]

[gasps]

It's a bull!

A bouncing baby bull!

Yee-haw!

Hey, Sasha, what's his name?

Ian.

Oh, what a coincidence!

Just like Ginger's boyfriend!

[gasps]

Ha-ha!

Milty's name is mud.

And I'm going to be the one to sling it.

These are super-salty, Carl.

Now all we have to do is locate the missing puppies

secure Principal Milty and turn him over to the fuzz.

They're really addictive, too.

I bet they're, like, loaded with MSG.

You know... I got a hunch

that the missing dogs are being held prisoner in his basement.

Have you noticed it's the only door he keeps locked?

You mean the dogs are right there?

In his own house?

Creepy!

We got a find a way to break into that basement

without Milty knowing.

I think we really may be in over our heads with this one.

I mean, if he's capable

of doing something like this to cute little puppies

just imagine what he might do

to a couple of boys like us.

We're not that cute, Carl.

Don't worry, Hoods.

We're not going in without backup.

Maybe we should get another ice cream

and talk this whole thing over, on the good swing.

There's no time for that, Hoods.

We got to go home and gather supplies.

We've got to get Milty before he strikes again!

[steel drum music playing on radio]

Living the high life.

Non-alcoholic colada mix.

Want?

No, thanks.

You feel like barbecue for dinner?

Sleeping at Hoodsey's-- can't.

Yeah, well I was thinking of using my free Shiatsu coupon

in the morning, so now what?

You got to book ahead, Mom-rock.

We're busy boys.

Okay, well, hold on.

I'll towel off and drive you.

That's okay, I'm faster on foot.

See you tomorrow!

Gee...

Having Carl home for the summer

is a lot like not having Carl home for the summer.

GIRLS: ♪ At camp Caprice, preece, preece ♪

♪ We don't say "mooses," we say "meese" ♪

♪ And we are proud, proud, proud ♪

♪ So we sing our song aloud...

Ginger!

Hi, Melanie.

What's wrong?

I'm just... I need to... nothing.

You miss your boyfriend Ian?

Ian's not my boyfriend, Melanie.

He's just a guy I go to school with.

That's not what my brother said.

Your... brother?

Yeah, Sasha said you can't be his girlfriend

because you're already somebody's girlfriend.

Oh, so that's why he's been acting so strange.

Thanks, Melanie.

Uh, listen, you left your guitar the other day.

Stop by my cabin later to pick it up, okay?

Okay.

There he is-- the man of the hour!

Sasha, can we talk?

I think I know why you're mad at me.

This is about Ian, right?

Hey, you don't have to explain anything to me, Ginger.

Besides, I've got it all figured out.

What's that supposed to mean?

Nothing.

I just finally realized what kind of girl you are.

Oh, really.

And what kind of girl is that?

A "wannabe."

What!?

A former "nobody" who just wanted to be cool.

So you cozied up to girls like Courtney

and guys like Ian-- Mr. Rich and Popular, right?

Yeah, that's what's important in a guy.

How dare you!

You shouldn't judge people you don't even know, Sasha.

And you don't know Courtney and you don't know Ian

and you certainly don't know me!

Psst!

Carl?

[squeals]

Ooh... perfect.

Or as close to perfect as you're going to get anyway.

Are you sure this is a good idea?

Come on, Miranda!

Don't get cold feet on me now.

I'm not!

W-w-wait for the light.

Okay, we move on three.

Stay low and whatever you do, don't look back!

One... two...

Three!

[both panting]

[campers singing in distance]

[croaking]

I really like you, Misty.

I really like you, too, Web.

Isn't this romantic

being out here on the lake?

Oh, I'll say.

You know the way the moonlight's hitting you?

It almost seems as if you're...

[screams]

How about a kiss, Misty?

[all screaming]

[blows whistle]

That's it!

Save the chitchat for tomorrow at breakfast!

Lights out in minutes.

You know the rules.

Way to go, Dodie.

You have a real knack for breaking up the fun.

Thank you, Margie.

I want to you to have this.

Is this... what I think it is?

Yeah-huh, the Camp Caprice master key--

good for anything and everything that requires a key.

Keep it somewhere safe.

Oh, I will, Margie!

Right next to my whistle...

which is right next to my heart.

[dreamily]: The key!

The key! Bingo!

So when do we call for backup?

After we've located the dogs

and secured Principal Milty.

Well, maybe we should phone ahead and let them know

that we plan to call for backup in the very near future.

You know, so they can, like, pencil us in or something.

Come on.

Well, what if your mother calls my house to talk to you?

Or my mother calls your house to talk to me?

Hoodsey, when has that ever happened?

[dog whimpering]

Oh, my gosh!

What'd I tell you?

[breathing heavily]

Pace yourself, Patterson.

We're almost at the halfway mark.

[breathlessly]: Right.

DODIE: And...

lights out!

Dodie! We're not ready yet.

Lights out is lights out is lights out, Ginger.

Non-negotiable.

But, Dodie, I haven't even properly moisturized.

[sniffs]

One day, perhaps you girls will know

the weight of true responsibility--

what it means to have your own whistle.

Margie is counting on me, and I won't let her down.

[yawns]

However, camp rules do permit the use of flashlights.

Ow!

Super sorry, C.G.

Macie, I'm warning you!

GINGER: You're on my nightgown.

Could you move?

Not really! I can barely see where I'm going!

This is ridiculous.

DODIE [talking in sleep]: You all know

who has the key, girls.

Look at her, sleeping like a baby.

She's probably exhausted from ordering people around all day.

It can be very tiring.

[knock at door]

Oh, solicitors, at this hour?

No, thank you!

Melanie!

Allow me to handle this one, C.G.

Little girl, are you aware

that Dodie Bishop resides in this cabin?

Do you know who she is?

It's okay, you guys.

Melanie just came by... to get her guitar, right?

Right.

And I couldn't sleep.

I'll walk you back to your cabin.

I can't believe this!

You were right, Carl!

So who is she?

Scootles? Lulubell?

Nope-- this is "The Duchess."

Oh, this dog's royalty!

[dramatically]: Will he stop at nothing?

Carl, where do you suppose all the other dogs are?

[whimpering in distance]

Oh, I shudder to think.

[shrieks]

We better get cracking.

Milty will be home soon and we need to set our trap.

It's time to reel that slippery fish in.

[both panting]

We should rest a while-- get our strength up.

Good idea.

Hey, how about some dinner?

Um... Oh, I have three breath mints and a nickel.

Uh... I'll take care of dinner.

Why don't you start a fire?

Uh... I don't have a lighter.

You know, Patterson

you actually could have used a full summer at m*llitary camp.

For real.

MELANIE: You see, if you and Sasha got married

then you'd be part of my family.

Oh, I don't think that's going to happen, Mel.

But you said you don't have a boyfriend.

Yeah, but I'm mad at your brother

and I guess he's mad at me, too.

But you wrote that song for him!

I never said it was...

I just know it was for him!

My mom says, you're supposed to say how you feel

or else nobody knows how you feel.

That's what she says.

MARGIE: Okay, Jed, I'll patrol this area

and you take the south side!

JED: Sure thing, Margie.

Melanie, run!

[girls snoring]

So why didn't I tell my friends I like Sasha?

JOANN: Nose drops!

[telephone rings]

Hello.

JOANN: Sorry to disturb you

but I plum forgot to remind Robert Joseph

about his medicated nose drops.

He needs to administer them nightly

or his breathing gets a little "snorty" for lack of a better...

Joann, not that I don't find this interesting and all

but if you're so worried about Hoodsey's nostrils

why don't you just go into his room and talk to him about it?

JOANN: Because the boys are sleeping at your house, remember?!

[groans]

JOANN: Lois?

Sorry, Jo-Jo-- I'm a little spaced out.

I'll go tell Hoodsey to treat his schnoz, okay?

This better be worth it, Carl.

It's just you, Lightfoot.

Same as always.

[slams]

Don't slam the screen door!

Macie?

CARL: Be a good girl, Duchess.

Not one peep.

HOODSEY: The Duchess, Carl.

Her name is The Duchess.

Shh!

GEORGIA: That was an absolute blast, Milty!

I sure did have a great time!

Probably his partner in crime.

MILTY: So would you like to come in for a quick game of backgammon?

I could make us a nice, big...

Whoa!

Oh, Milty!

What is going on?

Step aside, woman.

This man is dangerous.

What?

Oh, dear!

A puppy dog!

Duchess, how did you get loose?

It's "The Duchess," Milty.

MILTY: Let me down from here this instant, Foutley!

[sirens approaching]

[shrieks]

The police?!

That's right, pretty miss.

You landed yourself right smack dab

in the middle of a crime scene.

They're onto me.

They're onto me.

MILTY: Georgia, wait! I can explain!

Actually, I can't explain.

But please! Wait anyway!

You'll have your day in court, Milty.

What are you talking about, Carl?

Oh, like you don't know!

Muffin... Lulubell... Monster...

Mom?!

You have the right to remain silent, boys.

I would suggest you use that right

before you land yourself in even deeper trouble.

How did you find us?

I just followed the sirens.

Principal Milty...

Get me down from here!

Uh... Mom, we have a perfectly good excuse.

This man is a wanted man!

What is all this nonsense about?

According to these boys, sir

you are responsible for the recent string

of pet 'nappings in the area.

I'm what?

He's the one who stole Monster too, Mom.

We've got proof.

Uh... well, you better.

Sink or swim, Lightfoot.

Do it for Jed!

[Darren screams in distance]

Oh! The Lost Swimmer of Caprice Lake!

You okay?

No, I think it's broken!

Does this hurt?

[screeches]: Yes!

I'm going back for help.

It really could be broken

or at least sprained.

That'll be the least of our problems

if they find out we're AWOL.

[dramatically]: Go on without me, Miranda.

Good-bye.

Patterson, please.

Give me a break.

Look, how about this?

I'll swim the lake to Camp Caprice by myself

and get some help.

Promise you'll come back?

I promise.

Careful!

DODIE: Hold it right there!

Dodie, it's in the water.

The Lost Swimmer of Camp Caprice!

Don't be ridiculous, Macie.

That's just a ghost story.

[howls]

Heard her? Did you?

MIRANDA: Ow! Cramp!

Eh, probably just a wolf or something.

Now, back to the cabin.

You are in violation of Caprice curfew.

MIRANDA: Help!

You go, Dodie.

I've got my peace to make.

Don't worry, I won't let you

drown twice, Lost Swimmer!

Count on me!

Macie, get back here this instant!

Oh!

[blows on string]

[shrieks]

Hold on!

I'm coming, lost swimmer!

I'm coming!

DODIE: Oh, where is it?

Oh, no!

Dodie, what's going on?

Again?! Do you girls just wantme to be ugly?

Macie! In the lake! Need my master key!

Where's that key?!

Got it!

Miranda?

You're the Lost Swimmer of Camp Caprice Lake?

What are you talking about?

I just escaped from m*llitary camp, but I got a cramp.

Oh, dear.

So give me one of your water wings, okay?

I'm really tired.

[motorboat approaching]

Miranda?!

Is that you?

Get in, you guys, now!

If Margie catches me

my bright future is over!

COURTNEY: What in the world are you doing here, Miranda?

Long story.

I have to get this boat back right away.

This is a total violation of Camp Caprice policy!

Do you want me to drive?

My uncle has a speedboat I practically grew up on.

Fine.

Just go easy on the camp property.

Excellent!

Let's see what she's got.

Oh, and we'll be making one little pit stop along the way.

[starts engine]

...then I cramped at the halfway mark

and the little seal girl here had to come rescue me.

Rescue?

Oh, I hardly...

No, I sure didn't...

Would you say?

Well, you swam all the way out to get me, didn't you?

Way to go!

Yeah, I'm just glad to be away from Spengler.

If I had to do another push up

or eat another helping of "mystery stew"

I'd just lose it!

[talking in sleep]: You're so funny, Sasha.

Sasha? Who's Sasha?

I said "squash-a."

I mean, that's what's in the mystery stew-- squasha.

Hmm... right.

CARL: So after we found the dog chained up in his basement

we knew we had our man.

Is that so?

And it was pretty clever of you

hiring us to clean your house every day...

to hide all the evidence.

What you two did every day

barely constitutes cleaning.

Hey! You could eat off my floors!

OFFICER: Well, Milty, have you got

anything to say for yourself?

Yes!

I'll say this.

These boys have an incredibly active imagination.

The Duchess is my dog.

[affected]: Isn't that right, little girl?

Yes, Daddy's big girl.

You see, I chained her up in the basement

because my new lady friend, Georgia, hates dogs.

And she's desperately allergic.

[affected]: But I don't know how anyone could hate you, baby girl, oh!

That's the same reason

I hired you two numb skulls

to clean my house every day.

So how do you explain all those Sausage Snaps?

The Duchess' favorite.

I guess you feel pretty stupid right about now

huh, Carl?

So, wait, you didn't...

I mean, it wasn't you who stole Monster?

I told ya a million times, Carl.

Monster wasn't stolen.

She just saw her window of opportunity

and ran far, far away.

If that's all

we're going to have to let

Principal Milty go home, Carl.

Iamhome!

Now, The Duchess is his.

Story checks out.

Right.

And by the way, boys

this pretty much goes without saying, but you're fired.

Now, if you'll excuse us

me and The Duchess are ready to call it a night.

The Duchess?

GEORGIA: I'm just going to do with you

like I done did with the rest of them dang doggies.

Drive you out of town, set you free

and hope to high heavens y'all don't find your way back.

[passes gas]

Oh! P-U!

Oh! To think I almost fell for a man with a mutt!

COURTNEY: I can't believe

we missed "Cruising the Virgins" for this!

I told you camp was lame.

Well, lame may be the understatement of the summer!

I've been using my day planner to count the days

until this whole nightmare is over and... it's over!

Yee-hah!

Courtney, what's wrong with you?

Good-bye, musty cabin!

Good-bye, tacky, little uniforms!

And good-bye, annoying camp anthem!

The anthem?!

Where's the annoying anthem?

Oh, my gosh!

That is definitely not a good sign.

What are you guys talking about?

The only time the morning anthem doesn't play

is when something really serious has happened!

GINGER: You two have to get out of here

before Margie finds out you guys...

MARGIE [over intercom]: Good morning, morning, morning campers.

Today is a solemn day, indeed.

Last night, for the first time in Camp Caprice history

fourteen camp rules were broken in less than hours.

We also have reason to believe

that there are two fugitives from Spengler m*llitary Academy

hiding out in the Navaho girls Bunk.

When the gong sounds

the entire camp is asked to assemble at the campfire site.

That is all, all, all.

Oh, This is it...

after all my hard work.

It's over, over, over.

MARGIE: Will the entire Navaho girls cabin

and the two Spengler fugitives please come up to the front

for the reading of the camp rules which were broken.

Three counts of breaking curfew.

One count of swimming in the lake without supervision.

MARGIE: Two counts of illegal use and operation of camp equipment.

Four counts of failing to report

a violation of Caprice rules.

Two counts of assisting in the illegal deliverance

of non-Caprice campers to Camp Caprice grounds.

One count of having a member of the opposite sex

spend thenight in an all-girls cabin.

[girls gasp and chatter]

Margie?

With all due respect

that was only broken rules.

I counted.

And one count of chewing gum at an assembly!

Spit it out, Macie!

Oh, sorry. That's , yup.

MARGIE: Today should have been a day for color w*r, water fights

and signing yearbooks.

Instead, it will be remembered

as the day that the entire Navaho girls cabin

was permanently suspended from Camp Caprice.

Dodie, your whistle please.

[gasps]

GIRL [in background]: This is so unfair!

[sobbing]

Margie? May I say something?

I suppose so.

If you suspend the Navaho girls

then you suspend everything that Camp Caprice stands for.

GINGER: That's right.

Across the lake at Spengler m*llitary Camp

two of our friends were having

the worst summer of their lives!

Can we help it

if we have camp spirit, spirit, spirit?

Are we not supposed to "spread it far so we can feel it"?

Yes, but the rules clearly say...

And look at Macie.

She conquered her fear of swimming

to help someone who was in trouble.

Can you penalize her for that?

Heck no!

I couldn't!

Let's settle down everyone.

Well, how about Dodie?

She acted very, very responsibly.

What should she have done

when two campers were in danger--

turn the other cheek?

CROWD: No, no way!

DODIE: And finally, Margie

when two miserable, cold, tired friends

came to the Navaho girls door

in the middle of the night

what would have been the Camp Caprice thing to do--

send them packing?

[girls shout]

Why, we Navaho girls have loads of camp spirit!

And if having camp spirit is wrong

we don't want to be right!

You go, girls!

[crowd cheering]

Sorry if I was a bit of a wet quilt this summer, girls.

I know it may be a little late in the game

but I'm actually having fun!

We owe you an apology too, C.G.

Yeah.

We could have tried a little harder.

To make you feel at home.

Yeah, exactly.

Think nothing of it.

You girls just treated me

the way I treat you during the school year.

No hard feelings.

Wow, Courtney, that was really...

insightful of you.

I know!

But don't think it means things are going to be

any different come September.

Miranda, let's blow this popsicle joint.

Excuse me?

Since we're all speaking our minds

I'd like to follow a piece of advice

that a very smart little girl once gave me.

She said, when you feel strongly about something

you're supposed to let it out.

Melanie, can I borrow your guitar one more time?

I wrote this song for you, Sasha.

[Ginger strums guitar]

♪ There were copper-colored ponies ♪

♪ There was air that smelled like rain ♪

♪ And the moon was out in daytime ♪

GINGER: ♪ When I first learned your name ♪

Sounds serious.

GINGER: ♪ And though the clouds, they quickly moved in ♪

♪ Though the path looked overgrown ♪

♪ The time that I spent talking to you ♪

♪ Made me feel like I... was home. ♪

[music begins to fade]

GINGER [sighs]: Oh, it is good to be home.

I missed my Mom.

LOIS [from other room]: Ging, dinner in !

Okay!

GINGER: I'm glad Margie decided

not to permanently suspend us from Camp Caprice.

But I still don't know

if I'll be going back next summer.

It kind of depends.

[giggles]

DODIE: It's over, over, over!