02x12 - Love With A Proper Transfer Student

[bunniefuu]

♪ Someone once told me th♪ On the other side. r ♪

♪ Well, I paid a visit

♪ While it's possible I missed it ♪

♪ It seemed different yet exactly the same ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

♪Till further notice♪

♪ Till further notice

♪I'm in between♪

♪ I'm in between

♪From where I'm standing♪

♪ From where I'm standing

♪ My grass is green.

♪ Someone once told me the grass is much greener ♪

♪ On the other side.

[yawns]

Is it me or has nothing exciting happened around here

since the drain in the pool opened

during that swim meet

and the freshman swim team...

ALL: ...was nearly sucked into the sewer?

[laughing]

[sighs]

Is it possible to have a mirage in a cafeteria?

He must be the new transfer student, Joaquin Cortez.

It may be too soon to tell, but I'm pretty sure I'm in love.

Guess that means you got dibs.

Don't even think about it.

Joaquin is all mine.

Do you think Joaquin's eyes are brown

or brown with gold flecks?

Would you say the shirt he's wearing

is % cotton or polyester blend?

What about his jeans?

What's he looking at?

The baseball team? The wrestling club?

No, that's the audition sheet for the musical

Mambo in the Catskills.

Wouldn't that be just like him?

What's the play about?

A misfit girl who's thrust

into the scandalous world of Latin dancing

when her parents vacation in an upscale resort

in the Catskills.

I've see the movie six times.

Dodie, here's your chance.

You've got to go sign up, too.

[giggles nervously]

You auditioning, too...

Dodie?

Who, me?

Uh, no.

I'm not Dodie.

I'm something that starts with a "G."

See you there... Ginger.

I didn't know youwere planning

to audition, Ginger.

Oh, well, it'll look good on my transcript.

Just so you know, I've been technically trained.

I think eight marshmallows

is the most aesthetically pleasing, don't you?

Any more would be overkill.

Oh, that's very sweet of you boys to think of me.

BOYS: Don't touch that!

Sorry, Mom, the hot chocolate

is for Ginger and her guests.

Carl Foutley, what on Earth did you put in there?

Mini marshmallows.

You poison your sister and her friends

and you're grounded till !

[whispers]: Testing, one, two,

[over radio]: testing, one, two.

All systems go.

Think we'll find out anything worthy of blackmail?

Hopefully, but at the very least, it will keep

our eavesdropping skills crisp.

Hey! This is a restricted slumber party:

no invite, no entrance.

I have no interest in your silly little reindeer games.

I'm on the catering committee.

Hot chocolate, anyone?

Perfect timing.

How can we be sure you didn't spike these with laxatives?

Why do you always assume the worst of me?

Sure, my track record isn't all that great,

but people change.

Besides, if I was going to play a prank on you,

I wouldn't advertise it.

Yeah, I suppose even you wouldn't be so lame

as to deliver the tainted goods in person.

DODIE [over radio]: ...during English,

Joaquin ran his hands through his hair.

It's coming in crystal clear...

until someone drinks our transmitter.

Believe me, they'll do plenty of yapping before that.

DODIE [over radio]: I love the way

Joaquin's chest goes up and down when he inhales.

GINGER [over radio]: Dodie, that's called breathing and everybody does it.

DODIE: But the way Joaquin does it

is magic.

[sighs]

But who am I kidding?

Joaquin is way out of my league.

How can you say that?

He just moved here.

As far as he knows,

you might be the coolest, most interesting babe

at Lucky Junior.

Ginger's right.

Joaquin has no way of knowing

about the time you walked around with toilet paper on your shoe,

or that you always spill your purse on the cafeteria floor.

Well, now that you put it that way,

I'm quite sure my chances with Joaquin

are zero point zilch.

What Macie is trying to say is

you've got the whole mystery woman angle

working for you.

And you have just as much chance as anybody

to snag Joaquin.

And once you get the part, you're a shoo-in.

Everyone knows actors always fall for their leading ladies.

We'd better rehearse.

DODIE [over radio]: I'm glad mom made me take ballet that summer.

Joaquin is sure to be impressed.

Man, your sister sure can blab.

DODIE [over radio]: I wonder what Joaquin's hobbies are.

Turn it off, Carl.

If I hear Joaquin's name again, I'll hurl.

GINGER [on radio]: There's a kissing scene

in this play!

DODIE: Is it a harmless grandma kiss,

or a full-on, PG liplock?

Hoods, I feel a scathingly brilliant idea coming on.

[radio crackles]

Oh, no, Carl!

Someone's eating our transmitter!

There goes six weeks of collecting cans

down the esophagus.

Your idea better be good, Carl.

It is.

And it'll earn us enough money

to buy transmitters for every room in the house!

I, Carl Foutley, will create a love potion

that will make millions!

"Chocolate, chili peppers,

asparagus? Oysters?"

I'm almost afraid to ask what all this is for.

Suffice it to say, I'm planning on expanding my horizons,

throwing my hat into the cooking ring, if you will.

What kind of food do you make

with chocolate and chili peppers?

Am I the only one who's heard of molé sauce?

Wow, your faux diamond hair clips.

I thought you only wear those

on special occasions.

Well, all my other barrettes are dirty.

Is that perfume I smell?

I'm auditioning for a play today

and they're posting the results after school

so I'll be home late, okay? Thanks! bye!

Thanks in advance for picking up my groceries.

I'll be home directly after school.

Perfume, molé sauce--

before I know it they'll all be grown up and out of the house.

Yes!

[shouting]: Listen, Ronny,

I don't care what they think

and I'll dance with you

in front of the whole world

just to prove it toyou!

No, Ellie, I can't let you do that.

What would your parents think?

Look at me, Ronnie!

Do I look likeIcare?!

JOAQUIN: Stay away from me, Ellie.

Trust me-- it's better this way.

Mm, good job, kids.

Joaquin, you're a natural.

Mipsy, why don't you, uh,

look at the role of Ellie's mother.

[groans]

Joaquin, stay put.

Read with... Dodie.

[energetically]: Listen, Ronny,

I don't care what they think

and I'll dance with you

in front of the whole world

just to prove it to you!

Thank you.

Joaquin, stay and read with Ginger.

[calmly]: Look at me, Ronny.

Do I look like I care?

You've got to stay away from me, Ellie.

Trust me-- it's better this way.

I'm going to mambo, Ronny,

and there's nothing you can do to stop me.

MACIE: The list should be up by now.

I'm so nervous, my hives are getting hives.

Even though I already know I landed the stage manager role.

[laughing]

You were pretty good today, Ginger.

Maybe you'll play the hotel maid

who cleans my room.

Maybe...

[gasps]

Joaquin is playing Ronny!

MACIE: No surprise there.

Who's playing Ellie?

Ginger?!

Dodie, you'replaying the hotel maid.

[sobs]

[crying]

See you at rehearsal, Ginger.

I can't wait.

You know, Ginger,

for someone who didn't care about playing Ellie,

you sure seem kind of happy.

Just an observation.

[bell rings]

Are you okay, Dodie?

DODIE: If, by "okay," you mean embarrassed,

humiliated and miserable, then yes.

I was thinking, uh, maybe I should quit the show.

DODIE: That'll only make the situation go

from bad to completely disastrous.

Mipsy's your understudy!

She's right, Ginger.

Mipsy will get her claws into Joaquin so fast,

Dodie will never stand a chance.

Ginger, you didn't secretly want the role of Ellie, did you?

No!

I was all ready to be employee number three.

Sorry. I can't believe I even thought that.

I mean, you're the one

who pushed me to audition in the first place.

It's just that the part of the hotel maid is so unglamorous.

What if Joaquin doesn't see me

as anything more than the bearer of fresh towels?

Whoever said the maid couldn't be a babe?

[sighs]

Boy, when they say there's nothing on TV,

they're not kidding.

Come on, out with it.

Well, I sort of got something Dodie really wanted

and I thought I didn't want it

but after I thought about it,

I realized I probably did want... this... thing

just as badly as she did.

Uh-huh.

And what thing is that?

The lead in the school play.

Oh!

Well, I'm... I'm sure it stung a little

but Dodie will get over it.

You think so?

Sure.

I promise you this.

If Dodie is as loyal a friend as you think she is,

she won't hold it against you.

[utensils clanking]

[groans]

She had to go and use the "L" word.

[grunting and straining]

Got it!

What are you two doing with my blender?

My recipe calls for a fine puree.

And since it's got a button that says that and all...

You two better not put anything other than food in there.

And remember: you break it, you buy it.

See that, mom?

Kid gloves.

CARL: I printed out every aphrodisiac Web site I could find

until Gordo kicked me off her computer.

Are you sure we need all this?

Affirmative, Hoods.

If we combine every aphrodisiac in existence,

we'll create the most potent love potion

ever made.

Where are we going to get all this stuff?

We don't know how to make pumpkin pie.

Way ahead of you on that one.

We'll improvise.

Pumpkin-flavored gum.

Halloween leftover.

What about shellfish?

Fish sticks.

Lavender?

My mom's lavender bath salts.

There's got to be something.

The saliva

of a Spanish fighting bull.

[barking fiercely]

Okay, so... I've been thinking

maybe we should forget about the bulldog

and use our own saliva.

Just looks mean.

Underneath, I bet he's as sweet as can be.

Besides,

unless my mom gives me permission

to rack up her credit card

this is as close as we'll ever get to a Spanish fighting bull.

Hot dog.

Mission accomplished.

Yow!

I hope this is worth almost losing my fingers.

Don't worry, Hoods.

With the money we'll make,

you can buy new fingers.

We could put it in peanut butter.

Nah, not dark enough.

She'll be able to tell.

Who?

Ginger, our guinea pig.

I can't believe your sister agreed

to try it out.

She didn't... but we needed

someone who isn't in love.

Besides, what she doesn't know won't hurt her.

Root beer.

Ginger usually makes a drink run

about this time every night,

give or take a few minutes.

But what if she's in the mood for lemonade?

Good point.

Ah...

Insurance.

[snoring]

What are you doing in here so late?

Playing air chess.

Rook to Queen one.

Didn't mom just go grocery shopping?

Later.

Much.

If this works,

Hoods, our extreme love potion

will make us guzillionaires.

Hah!

You think?

"Do you hear me, Ronnie?

"I love you.

And I don't care what they think."

[yawning]

Do you hear me, Joaquin?

I love you.

And I don't care what they think.

[gasps]

I think it's pretty obvious I like Joaquin,

but is it worth jeopardizing my friendship with Dodie,

my best friend in the entire world?

Because I do care what she thinks,

and I owe her my loyalty.

From now on, Ginger's the name, and matchmaking is my game.

[tango music playing]

DODIE: And since you'll be playing matchmaker,

don't forget to ask Joaquin what his favorite food is.

No matter what it is, tell him it's mine, too,

even if it's Brussels sprouts.

I'm sure I can learn to love them.

JOAQUIN: Hey, Ginger.

You want to run lines?

Oh, sure.

Hi, Joaquin.

This is my friend Dodie.

[squealing]

I know, I know, and favorite color.

I thought we could rehearse

in here... where it's quiet.

Yeah, okay.

Quiet's good.

[sighs]

So, Joaquin, what's your favorite color,

band, class and food?

Midnight Blue, the Wetheads,

English Lit., and potato chip chicken casserole!

Those are all my favorite things, too!

Shut up!

I mean, those are all

my friendDodie's favorite things.

Dodie's, not mine, Dodie's.

Definitely Dodie's.

We should run lines.

CHET: I totally think

we should stay for the rest of the summer, man.

Miss Zorski, please tell him that's not the line.

Try not to butcher the script, Chet.

The words "totally" and "man" aren't in there.

It's, like, improvisation, okay?

What happened?

Well, see...

ZORSKI: Ginger,

you and Joaquin can run the gazebo scene.

But that's the scene where Ellie and Ronnie kiss.

Oh, no.

I forgot all about that one.

ZORSKI: Don't worry.

No kissing allowed until opening night.

[sighing with relief]

GINGER: Me, too, Ronnie.

But we'll see each other again, won't we?

JOAQUIN: One last dance?

Let's try it one more time,

and this time, really look into each other's eyes.

I want to feel the heat,

in a... "let's not cost me my job" kind of way.

I have to leave tomorrow, Ellie.

I know.

This was the most amazing summer I've ever had.

Me, too, Ronnie.

But we'll see each other again...

won't we?

One last dance?

[gasping]

Oh, my!

[clears throat]: I believe

I said no kissing until opening night.

ZORSKI: You can stop now.

Tell me the truth, Macie.

Was that a stage kiss?

Or a real kiss?

Ah... well, uh...

it looked like a real kiss,

but maybe they're just really good actors.

[Dodie whimpering]

Dodie had to get home so she could take out the trash.

That's the best you could come up with?

On such short notice.

Ginger...

did you ever consider the possibility

that maybe Dodie's not the only one

who likes Joaquin?

[Ginger gasps, drops book]

[giggles nervously]

Massive palm-sweating.

I better talk to Dodie.

Wait, wait, wait, Dodie.

I just want to apologize... a lot.

I'm listening.

Okay, here goes.

When I first saw Joaquin, I felt...

but thenyoufelt, which made me feel...

Ginger, did you want to kiss him, or not?

Oh, um... well...

I just couldn't help it.

[expresses fury]

LOIS: Does anyone know what happened

to all the beverages I bought?

Ginge, you've hardly eaten anything.

Is the brisket too chewy?

[sighs]

Is something bothering you?

[sighs]

You're going to have to give me more than that.

Animal, mineral or vegetable?

[sighs]

Joaquin and I kissed, and now Dodie hates me,

and my entire life is ruined.

CARL: News update-- our X-treme love potion

is wreaking havoc on the lives of innocent preteens.

Oh, we are going to be living a three-karma life.

HOODSEY: That's great, Carl, but what does it mean?

Billionaires, Hoods, but before we sail off

on our solid-gold yacht with the built-in pool and Jacuzzi,

we have to do some damage control regarding your sister

to avoid bad-karmic repercussions.

LOIS: If you won't open the door,

I'll just talk to you from the hall.

I know you feel bad about kissing Dodie's crush--

the kissing part to be discussed at a later date--

but you're almost a teenager now, Ginger,

and your hormones have to take some of the responsibility.

I advise you to think about what's most important to you,

and I know this has after-school special written all over it,

but I think you should follow your heart.

That was my two cents-- take it or leave it.

Oh, my back.

[laughing quietly]

Yo!

I don't want our daughter

anywhere near that...

um...

line?

That Ronny character.

Miss Zorski, I just can't work with Chet.

He's so unprofessional.

Take a break.

Mipsy and Chet, go run your lines.

Joaquin, Ginger-- you, too.

Zorski said we had to go run lines.

I heard.

Secured location on our lovesick victim.

:.

Ice cold root beer.

Get your ice cold root beer.

Three dollars?!

That's pretty steep.

Well, since you're my sister's friend,

and my friend's sister,

I'm going to sell it to you

for the low, low cost of... nothing.

Thanks, but no, thanks.

My stomach can't handle anything carbonated right now.

Ah, well, she's already smitten.

We need to go for that Joaquin guy.

Dodie, any idea

where we can find Joaquin?

I hear root beer's his favorite.

I bet I know who you heard that from.

[sighs]

Follow me.

I have to leave tomorrow, Ellie.

I know.

This was the most amazing summer I've ever had.

Me, too, Ronnie...

but we'll see each other again,

won't we?

One last dance?

Oh, sorry, Joaquin, I...

I can't kiss you unless it's going to be

an awkward stage kiss

in front of dozens of people.

But I kind of got the vibe

that you liked me as much as I liked you.

Am I way off base here?

No.

Unfortunately, you're not,

but... well, just, you and me together,

it's just not an option.

Why not?

Because relationships may come and go,

but best friends are forever.

I don't understand, Ginger.

Why are you quoting a greeting card?

Oh, no, it wore off.

Should have used bull saliva.

Are you waiting for me?

I heard what you said to Joaquin.

That was the single coolest thing

anyone's ever done for me.

Ginger, I know you really like him, too,

and I know it wasn't easy to do what you did,

but you're choosing me over Joaquin?

Best friends don't get more loyal than that.

You said the "L" word.

Don't drink that.

Why not?

Carl's X-treme love potion?

It may not last long, but it's powerful.

Confession time, sis.

I sort of used you as a guinea pig

to test the first batch,

which makes me kind of responsible

for the whole Joaquin- kissing-you, Dodie- hating-you fiasco.

Well, I appreciate you talking responsibility

for ruining my life.

That's a step up for you, Carl.

But that root beer I took from the fridge

was for mom, and as far as I know,

for the past few nights,

she's been keeping company

with a heating pad and a very bad back.

You mean...

it didn't work at all?

Sorry.

Well, it might have, if we'd used...

CARL: Hey, Mom,

can I use your credit card?

LOIS: What for?

CARL: Um... I need to see a man about some saliva.

GINGER: Those are all my favorite things, too.

JOAQUIN: Shut up!