03x09 - Heat Lightning

[bunniefuu]

♪ Someone once told me th♪ On the other side. r ♪

♪ Well, I paid a visit

♪ While it's possible I missed it ♪

♪ It seemed different yet exactly the same ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

♪Till further notice♪

♪ Till further notice

♪I'm in between♪

♪ I'm in between

♪From where I'm standing♪

♪ From where I'm standing

♪ My grass is green.

♪ Someone once told me the grass is much greener ♪

♪ On the other side.

[air-conditioner rattling]

[fan whirring softly]

[sighs]

You know what to do.

Hallelujah.

GINGER: This has been

one of the weirdest summers I can remember.

We're having the longest heat wave on record.

It hasn't rained since June.

And vampire mosquitoes have taken over the earth.

Nothing seems right anymore.

Even things between Darren and me feel a little strange.

[car horn honking]

LOIS: Ginge-- Jo-Jo's here,

and she's looking more crazed than usual.

GINGER: Be right down!

GINGER: Even though I adore Darren, something's missing.

I got to believe that Darren is feeling it, too.

If absence really does make the heart grow fonder,

maybe this time away will be good for the both of us.

[girls singing camp song]

JoANN: Girls, really.

[girls stop singing]

Now, don't eat any wild mushrooms...

and most of all, have fun.

I'm going to miss you, sweetheart.

I'll miss you, too, Mom.

Are you okay?

Sure. Why?

Well, for starters,

you're cutting off the circulation in my top half.

I'm fine.

JoANN: Oh, for crying out loud!

They'll miss the bus!

And I'm not going to drive

all the way up there in this heat!

Go on, have fun...

and be careful around wild animals.

[sniffling]

I will.

Bye, Mrs. Foutley!

♪ At Camp Caprice-price-price

♪ We don't say "mooses," we say "meese"... ♪

JoANN: Girls, really!

What did I just say about volume, huh?

[tires squeal]

[grunting]

[sighs]

Your iceman hath cometh for the last time.

What took you so long, Higsby?

You woke me up

right in the middle of a good dream with purple unicorns.

That won't happen again, Carl Foutley.

As of this delivery, my three weeks of sl*very are over

and my debt is paid in f-u-l-l.

Aah, you got off easy, pal.

You're not kidding.

That monkey ate Maude's gallstone.

You think old-lady gallstones grow on trees?

I don't care if they come from a catalogue.

I'm going home to my air-conditioned house

to eat ice fudgies

and listen to show tunes.

Good-bye.

Hoods, we've got no choice.

There goes our savings.

But, Carl, hiring someone to knock off Higsby is illegal,

not to mention immoral.

No. We need to buy an air-conditioner.

It's either that or we haul in our own ice every hour.

And exerting oneself in this kind of heat

wouldn't be prudent.

Tell me about it.

I'm a heatstroke just waiting to happen.

DODIE: Ah, just think, Macie.

As cabin leaders,

each of us will be the guiding hands

for these young campers

shaping every part of their Caprice experience.

Dodie's right.

Mentoring is the first step

towards elevating the entire female species.

I mean, imagine-- just days from now,

my cabin mates are going to leave that dingy little camp,

with a touch of the Gripling pedigree.

I hope mine don't leave with snakebite wounds.

Okay, so this is me

in front of Mount Rushmore.

Cute crop top, Dodie.

Uh, Courtney, do you think

it's possible to be bored with something you love?

Be more specific, Ginger.

Well, say you loved chocolate

and you could have chocolate every single day,

as much as you wanted--

do you think you'd ever get bored with it?

Bored? No.

But nothing is ever as tasty as that first bite.

That's why it's good to eat things in rotation--

you know, chocolate, vanilla, mocha chip.

Oh, Ginger, did you hear

about Macie's good-bye date with Andrew?

[chuckling]

Well, things are progressing nicely, yeah.

Macie dropped by during his shift at the Dairy Freeze,

and he didn't charge her for the crunch coat.

That is serious, Mace.

Yep. And I got to tell you,

there's something kind of hot about a guy

standing at an ice-cream freezer.

[chuckles nasally]

LOIS: Carl, cover up.

We have company.

But, Mom, it's sweltering in here.

And it's not like Dr. Dave hasn't seen any birthday suits.

Not in our kitchen he hasn't.

Uh, hello, Carl.

Dave, Lola, might I suggest

that when you register for your wedding gifts

you list an air-conditioner or two?

Sorry, kiddo.

Our electrical couldn't handle it.

I can't even run the toaster and my hair-removal system

at the same time without blowing a fuse.

Then how about we go enjoy

Dave's central air and pool privileges

for the rest of the summer?

No can do, kid.

The condo's being fumigated.

Dave, I assure you:

Carl won't be taking his fire ant collection anywhere ever again.

Did it not take care of your cockroach problem?

Well, eh... yes,

but, uh, the cockroaches didn't bite.

Dave will be spending

the next couple of days here with us.

He'll be staying in Ginger's room.

[someone panting]

[panting]

This was ice when I left my house.

I swear.

Excuse me while I get dressed.

There's an appliance store calling our names.

Now that you've been assigned your cabin leaders,

I'd like to introduce something new here at Caprice--

something to spice things up a bit

for you veteran campers.

I call it "the Caprice."

[girls oohing and ahhing]

Sure, we'll be giving away the standard-issue ribbons

at archery, macramé and wilderness survival,

but it's the cabin mates

who best exemplify the Camp Caprice spirit

that will go home with their very own golden lady.

CAMP COUNSELOR: Without further ado, our first competition is trivet weaving.

Whoo-hoo!

So, come on, everybody settle into our cabins

and meet at the crafts hut.

[girls chatter and laugh]

Hey, guys.

Wait up.

Have you been coming here for a long time?

Yep, since I was about your age.

How old are you now? ?

[girls giggling]

[boy laughing]

Sasha?

[boy laughing]

Hey! My mom said

to never go off the trail.

I... thought I saw an old friend.

Sorry.

And your mom's right.

Let's go.

♪ At Camp Caprice-price-price

♪ We don't say we "mooses," we say "meese"... ♪

GINGER: I can't remember the last time I thought about Sasha.

Things were totally over between us,

especially after our last disastrous meeting.

Then why, when I thought I saw him today,

did I get a total case of butterflies--

worse than the first time we met?

It's been a long time

since I felt the same way with Darren...

and all of a sudden

I'm not missing Darren as much as I should.

[owl hooting]

[echoing]: Whoa...

A vintage iron lung.

Carl, no!

That's just an impulse buy.

We came here for a reason.

$?!

Jimmy's out of his gourd!

Supply and demand, little man.

This heat wave's been good to me.

Then perhaps you'd make a deal.

Sure-- you pay me $

and I give you this air-conditioner.

Come on, Carl.

We can get bus tickets to Alaska for less than that.

Hoods, please.

If we were to put a down payment

on this fine model, say, in cash,

would you throw in the necessary extension cords free of charge?

Cords?

There isn't an outlet near our doghouse.

Aah, you drive a hard bargain.

Excellent.

Here's $.

We'll be back with the rest.

How far away is that outlet?

A mile and a half.

Glad to be in business with you, Jimmy.

HOODS: You're good, brother.

[kids laughing and screaming]

Five more minutes, you guys.

COURTNEY: Remember, girls--

tippy toes... tippy toes.

It gives the illusion of high heels,

and everybody knows that high heels

make our calves look ultra-shapely.

Well, this is more fun than I expected.

Yeah, right.

Oh, come, Ginger.

Where's your Caprice spirit?

I must have left it at home.

I think somebody's missing her boyfriend.

Vanessa, stay on this side of the buoys.

You're not missing Darren?

Since the moment we got here,

all I've been thinking about is Sasha.

Darren's hardly popped into my head at all,

except when I'm obsessing over Sasha

and remember that I'm not thinking about Darren.

That's perfectly understandable.

It is?

Of course.

This is where you first met Sasha.

And let's face it,

the two of you were quite the fit.

You did write that nauseating little song.

Yeah, but the last time we saw each other

was kind of a disaster.

But even still, this is so unfair to Darren.

Darren's at home; you're here.

So what if you're thinking

about Sasha?

[sighs]

Ginger, there's nothing wrong

with a little electricity--

just as long as you don't get shocked.

Ah! It's like being in Waikiki.

And at eight dollars an hour,

a lot more affordable.

I can't feel my forearms anymore, Carl.

How much longer do we have to do this?

Just keep flapping, Hoods.

[doorbell buzzes]

I'll get it!

[bell buzzing]

You're not one of those Romanian orphans, are you?

[mumbles "I don't know"]

I'm looking for my son.

You have the wrong house.

Carl definitely belongs to Mrs. Foutley.

His car is in the driveway.

Mrs. Foutley!

DAVE'S MOTHER: I am so disappointed

in you, David.

We talked about me coming down this weekend months ago.

How could you forget?

Yeah...

how could you?

It must be the fire ant venom.

I've not been myself lately.

[slurps]

Oh, so bitter.

Uh, Dave.

Could we talk privately for a moment?

Uh... what? Oh, sure.

[dryer humming softly]

Is that a new fabric softener you're using, Lois?

Dave...

where is she going to stay?

Well, she can't stay at my place.

I mean, the ant poison would likely k*ll her.

Don't be so sure.

How about a hotel?

DAVE'S MOTHER: I have an irrational fear of hotel rooms!

I could always go to a hotel.

Don't even think of it.

[slurps]

[spits loudly]

Mrs. Dave...

Please, call me Mom.

Mom, why don't you make yourself at home in Ginger's room?

Dave can stay in Carl's.

For a nominal fee.

Carl...

No worries, Lois, no worries.

You are the man, Carl.

Thank you, Lois.

That's very kind.

Sure.

Just let me give Carl's room

a quick hit with some disinfectant.

Would you mind hitting my room, too?

We're just three items away from a ribbon, you guys.

We need a pine cone, a white rock

and a horseshoe.

Look!

[croaks, urinates]

He just peed on you.

ALL: Eww!

We don't need a frog, Vanessa.

But I want to bring a frog.

Why don't you guys look around the path

for the pine cone and the rock,

and I'll get the horseshoe,

and then we'll be done.

[gasps]

Uh...

Why didn't you say hello yesterday?

Ooh, uh... well, I had to get my cabin mates to trivet weaving.

That's cool.

Okay, found my horseshoe.

Well, notmyhorseshoe, but some horse's shoe.

[chuckles nervously]

I'd better go.

No...

wait.

Sasha, I...

What is it?

Don't tell me you have

a boyfriend or something.

No, I don't.

Ginger, I haven't stopped

thinking about you since last summer.

Look!

[croaks]

Oh!

That's great.

Um, I think we should head back.

GINGER: It's one thing to daydream about seeing an old crush;

it's another thing to make out with him.

This is horrible.

It's like I'm cheating on Darren with a daydream.

Oh, hi, Ginger.

Isn't this just the greatest?

I mean, I have always loved Caprice,

but being a leader?

I don't know--

it really just gives me a sense of purpose.

That's great.

I know that look.

What gives, Ginger?

I should have never come back here.

What are you talking about?

Dodie, I thought

going to camp might be good for me,

that being away from Darren

would make me appreciate him more,

but it's backfired.

I mean, how am I supposed to miss Darren

when all I can think about is Sasha?

Ginger, this is huge.

Courtney said it's because Sasha and I had electricity.

Courtney knows?

I... I can't believe you would tell Courtney

something this big before telling me.

Dodie, please...

I really could use your advice right now.

Why am I feeling this way?

Ginger, you don't not miss someone

if you really want to be with that person

and then spend all your time obsessing

about the person you didn't expect to obsess about.

It's obvious that you don't want Darren

for a boyfriend anymore.

Who you really want is Sasha.

Okay, Hoods, we're good to go.

Crank that baby up, Carl.

Now, remember, keep your elbows straight

and don't let go until you have your eye on the target.

[girls exclaiming]

Nicely done, Ginger!

Now let's see

what the rest of you girls can do.

Come on.

How's it going?

It's exhausting.

I can't wait to go home.

Dode filled me in.

What do you think?

Take this for what it's worth--

because I'm new at this game--

but if I were you, I'd give Darren a call.

You know, maybe hearing his voice

might make you feel better.

What do I say?

"Hi, Darren, hardly thought of you at all."

Sweet Moses,chéries!

Have you lost all your senses?

"Meet me down at the lake during afternoon assembly.

Sasha."

Heishere.

[thunder crashes]

And the gods are not happy about it.

Well, there we are.

See if this isn't any better, Mother.

There's only seconds left for the sale,

so let's cut to the chase.

I want item , the porcelain Dalmatian with fireman's hat.

[electrical buzz]

LOIS: Whoa! There she goes!

Hello? Hello?!

The whole neighborhood's out.

It's because of your cheap wiring.

[thunder rumbles]

Uh, Lois, what say

we head on down to the Dairy Freeze

and get some ice cream before it all melts?

Mother, would you like anything?

No, their cones give me gas.

Right, duly noted.

We'll be back.

Hmm!

[air-conditioner whirring]

ALL: ♪ And the rain pours down on the tiny Indian town ♪

♪ Where the happy Massasoits play. ♪

Nicely done, ladies.

Okay, next up, Navajo Cabin.

We Navajo girls thought we'd shake things up a bit.

[pop music plays]

Nicole is wearing a delightful little number

that Mama picked up while visiting France.

In this update of the classic Capezio,

Rico of Monaco has turned sailor chic on its ear.

Note the piping on cuffs and collar...

[wind whistling]

[horse whinnies]

[whinnies]

[whickers]

I had a feeling you were here.

The arrow gave it away, huh?

Yeah, I guess.

Lucky for me you're a good sh*t.

Lucky for Macie--

my aim usually slips to the left.

[giggles]

Melanie asked if I'd seen you yet.

She wants us to get married.

Sasha... I have a boyfriend.

Yeah?

I'm serious.

So? I have a girlfriend.

You remember Clover.

[thunder crashes, horse snorts]

You're still seeing Clover?Yeah.

Then why did you nearly impale my best friend

sending a note asking me to meet you here

and then arrive like some knight in shining armor or something?

What are you talking about?

I thought you wanted to see me.

I did,

but I just wanted to say hey.

It's not like I wanted a date or anything.

[thunder crashes, horse whinnies]

GINGER: I wanted to crawl into a hole.

[whinnies]

At that moment, I knew that Dodie was wrong.

I didn't want Sasha for a boyfriend.

What I wanted were those feelings I had

when I first met him.

Come on, I'll give you a ride to your cabin.

No, that's okay, I'll walk.

Are you crazy?

Yep.

GINGER: I wanted the electricity that comes with a new crush,

that same excitement I used to feel

whenever I was with Darren.

But at that moment,

my feelings for Darren were never more real.

Absencehadmade my heart grow more fond of Darren

than ever before.

GINGER: ♪ At Camp Caprice-price-price

♪ We don't say "mooses," we say "meese"... ♪

So comfortable in here, boys.

Thank you.

The least I can do for family.

Whatever. I'll raise you a pack of low-sodium baloney.

I'll see you and raise you a can of pineapple chunks

in extra-heavy syrup.

Too rich for my blood.

I'll see you.

Four kings.

It can't be!

I've got a king-high straight!

Looks like I win.

But you have an extra king.

There's only supposed to be

four kings in the whole deck.

Are you calling me a cheater?

How do I knowyoudidn't slip the extra king into the deck?

I didn't trust you

from the moment I laid eyes on you,

and it wasn't the grass skirt.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, and for your information,

I am not Romanian!

I am Irish!

Oh, yeah?!

[both grunting]

Hoods, it's cool--

there's plenty more baloney left.

Mother, he's just a child!

Careful, Hoodsey, you might break one of her hips!

I knew we should have put her in a hotel.

CAMPERS: ♪ Well, the time has come for us to say good-bye ♪

♪ To the sandy shores of Lake Caprice ♪

♪ And as we go to the places we call home... ♪

GINGER: Maybe it takes something you used to want in your past

to point out the goodness of what you have.

Maybe we get bored with stuff

because we put so much importance

on things that are new.

And as soon as the novelty wears off,

we forget just what we liked about it in the first place.

Nothing can ever stay the same, so why do we expect it to?

[touch tones dialing]

Instead, we should just enjoy it for what it is

without ever taking it for granted.

[phone line ringing]

Please be home, please be home.

DARREN: Hello.

Darren?

Hey, it's Ginger.

You don't know how nice it is to hear your voice.

CAMPERS: ♪ Well, the time has come for us to say good-bye ♪

♪ To the sandy shores of Lake Caprice... ♪

DAVE'S MOTHER: Oh, so bitter.