01x04 - Me, Myself And Irate

[bunniefuu]

♪

(Honking)

Whoa!

Whoa!

Ah!

♪

♪

So immature.

(Dialling)

All Hit Radio I’m trying to talk

to my friends can you, like,

turn your music down!

(Grunting)

Dude, check out my pro

wrestling costume.

Guess what I paid for it!

Uh, nothing?

Lower.

What are you supposed to be?

The Milkman, I deliver eggs,

butter, and three quarts of

pain.

Bad guys prepare to meet your

vitamin D enriched end.

(Chewing)

(Spitting)

Actually, don’t you need big

muscles to wrestle?

Get real, they give you

dangerous steroids and implants

for that.

BOYDHey, look at Gunderson!

He think he’s Robin Hood.

(Laughing)

Actually, Boyd, Robin Hood’s

outfit was green.

Whatcha gonna do, rob from

the smelly and give to yourself?

(Laughing)

Don’t think too hard on those

insults, Boyd.

Your brain could overheat and

set fire to your pants.

(Gasping)

Stay out of this, Eggert.

No, you lay off Goon or I

won’t go away.

And while you’re at it lay off

the chocolate or those zits

won’t go away.

By the way, when you’re popping

those?

The big one with the eyes on it,

it’s your head!

(Laughing)

Ha, nice collar size by the way.

Ever wake up to find two Swedish

guys trying to saw through your

neck?

(Laughing)

Laugh it up, Pelswimp.

But I can do something you’ll

never be able to do.

Draw flies away from an

outhouse?

Why don’t you follow me up

these steps and get your lunch?

(Laughing)

You’re times smarter than

him.

Thanks Ace, but times zero

is still pretty much zero.

I’m so sorry about Boyd

humiliating you this morning.

But I zinged him pretty good.

Called him a zit.

You’re so brave.

Oh, almost forgot.

Grandparent appreciation day.

Did you give your most valuable

elder relative her invitation?

Uh, yeah, but, uh, she didn’t

read it yet.

She’s been real busy lately.

You know, being old and stuff.

Here’s an extra one just in

case.

Julie, you know I’m your

best friend but I feel your

design for the poster is

completely wrong and not very

good.

I have to disagree, Sandra.

Besides if you’re so all fired

snotty great Miss Artist, why

didn’t you draw one?

Oops, your poster just got a

big rip.

Oops, your forms just flew

across the hall.

SANDRAOops, my fingers just

got caught in your hair!

I hate it when people feel

sorry for me.

I don’t know why I can’t wear

my outfit in class.

They let that fat kid in the

corner wear that white sheet.

Actually, Goon, that’s the

overhead projector.

Oh.

Did you really give your

invitation to your Grandma?

Are you kidding?

I shredded it, and b*rned it,

and flushed the ashes down the

toilet.

I love my Gram Gram but can you

imagine her on stage in front of

my friends with a mic in her

hand?

(Feedback sounding)

Thank you.

And before addressing you today

I’d like to belch some of my

favourite songs by Celine Dion.

(Belching)

Ooh.

(Sirens wailing)

Get away from me.

Sorry, guys, got to go.

Que pasa?

We think your Grandma was

driving without her glasses

again.

It’s an infringement of her

rights to stop her on that

assumption.

We didn’t stop her.

The key cutting booth at the

mall did.

GRAM GRAMMy eyesight’s

/, copper.

No, Gram Gram, that’s your

cholesterol.

Come on.

Down to the station.

No it’s not my fault.

I was distracted by those

screaming people diving into

the coin fountain.

(Crashing)

She won’t do it again.

If she does I’ll--

What will I do?

Withhold her calcium and

remove the baby gate from the

top of the stairs?

Help!

PELSWICKLook, if you take

her downtown she’ll have to be

strip searched.

Ahh.

Well, I guess no one was

seriously hurt.

Thanks, kid.

I owe you one.

Yee-haw, go monster tractor

crushers.

Crush them tractors!

Aw, you missed one.

What do you think Bobby?

Vroom vroom.

KATEUh-huh, uh-huh, uh-hmm.

Then what did your brother say

happened?

So, was school nurturing

today?

It was fine.

Thanks, Dad.

Daddy, if Pelswick won’t tell

you he almost started a fight

with Boyd Scullarzo, I won’t

tell either.

That would be wrong.

Well, got to go.

Pelswick, we need to have a

constructive dialogue.

Spill it.

You and Boyd.

He was giving Goon a hard

time and I stuck up for him.

Boyd didn’t even take me

seriously.

I won the battle of the wits,

but he won the w*r of the legs.

You should call in a teacher

and have him or her arbitrate a

solution.

Huh?

Snitch on him.

(Screaming)

Grandma underwear!

Everybody gather round to

watch the loving couple’s first

dance.

And a one, and a two...

♪

Oh, wrong appointment.

Got any munchies?

Uh, no.

Saw Boyd gave you the big

shebooski.

Want my advice?

Can I just take the cash

equivalent?

Have I ever steered you

wrong?

Well in fifth grade you told

me the earth was coming to an

end.

I read it wrong.

It was Earth .

I love that show.

You want my advice?

Could I just take the cash

equivalent?

(Throat clearing)

Grandparents are our greatest

resource.

You took that from Julie’s

pamphlet.

I shredded that, and b*rned it,

and flushed it.

So that’s why it was so darn

hard to read.

You know for advice of this

quality you usually have to

cr*ck open a fortune cookie.

Hey, this is subtle stuff.

You want step by step

instructions?

Buy patio furniture.

Got to go.

What about my chair?

People what is a tribute

without tributees?

Do none of you want to invite

and honour your grandparents?

Source of all our wisdom, life

affirming humour, and that funny

smell in the living room.

Julie, I want to apologize

for our argument this morning.

Thanks, Sandra.

It takes a big person to admit

she was completely and utterly

wrong, and pig headed.

The only thing I was wrong

about was trying to talk some

sense into a stuck up know it

all like you!

JULIETake that!

(Screaming)

A person has to stand up for

what he believes in.

Or at least sit up.

I was dissed in front of the

entire school.

Actually, that’s not true.

Dave Beerness was sick

yesterday.

I’m years old.

I’ve never even been in a fight.

If it’s any consolation you

look like you’ve been in a

fight.

Boyd humiliated me in front

of everyone.

I’ve got to challenge him.

Please wait your turn to be

mocked.

Hey, Boyd, why don’t you pick

on someone your own size.

Or better yet do what you did in

math class and pick on your own

nose.

I thought I got rid of you.

PELSWICKNope, or your

dandruff either, by the way.

Which reminds me, I owe you this

from the other day.

(Screaming)

BOYDDo yourself a favour,

Pelswonk.

Give it up or next time you’re

going to get hurt.

Are you all right?

Well, my left hook could use

a little work.

Oh, poor Pelswick.

I feel so sorry for you.

I’ll tell a teacher.

Oh yeah, that’s what I

needed.

Forget Boyd the guys a

subnormal.

He’s not even smart enough to

think of a good insult like

calling you Chairizard.

GOONOr Spoke Li.

(Laughing)

Excellent, Spoke Li.

Or Chair Chair Binks.

Guys, guys.

I know you think you’re cheering

me up and everything but--

JIMMYThis is what you do

with my advice?

Huh?

(Screaming)

You’re right, catch you

later.

(Screaming)

We got you man.

Ooh, yummy flower.

(Screaming)

I’ll stop you with the body

block that Doctor Pain used in

Wrestle Crash .

(Screaming)

(Crashing)

(Screaming)

(Grunting)

Goon?

You okay?

I want a clean fight and

no hitting below the waist.

Shouldn’t you tell him

wrestling’s staged before he

really hurts himself?

How many fingers am I holding

up?

Ooh yummy hot dogs.

(Screaming)

(Chomping)

(Screaming)

That was nuts what you did

with Boyd.

Never pick a fight with a guy

whose IQ is also a ply of toilet

paper.

Hey, I stick up for my

friends.

Why don’t you go find a cow’s

butt to hang around?

Those are flies.

I am a bee.

Just for that I’m not going to

pollinate your azaleas.

Why can’t you just once give

me some simple clear advice?

Like that nice man, Mr. Rogers.

’Cause cardigans make my hips

look big.

I’m taking a fashion risk just

wearing stripes.

Am I allowed to fire you?

Okay, okay.

I’m probably breaking a hundred

angel laws but here it goes.

(Throat clearing)

Never challenge a monkey to a

"who can make the worst smell

contest."

That’s the advice?

Nah, I just wanted to say it.

Here’s the advice.

(Throat clearing)

"Grandparents who wish to

address the students should be

at the school no later than

:."

Will you stop reading that

thing and help me?

(Honking)

Stop, thief, I spent all

morning making that honey.

Can I help you?

A litre of Love Safari,

please.

I’m sorry we don’t carry that

brand.

We suspect it may have been

tested on animals.

Look, I’m an old lady.

If I don’t smell like something

that could blind a rabbit, it

ain’t strong enough!

You, again?

How did you get here?

I drove.

What’s it to you?

Lady, you’re coming downtown.

Okay, dinner’s in the fridge.

Gram Gram’s not home yet.

I’m taking Kate and Bobby to a

fundraiser for the Eastern

Beakless Woodpecker.

The money will go to purchase

plastic beaks and forehead

bandages.

Bye.

(Phone ringing)

Hello?

(Murmuring)

You’re kidding.

(Sirens wailing)

Thanks for meeting me, guys.

How’s the concussion, Goon?

Fine, thanks.

I’ll have a pizza please.

GRAM GRAMPelswick!

Hey, Ms. Eggert.

You’re looking significantly

less wrinkly today.

(Growling)

With pepperoni and the little

fishies, please.

Can’t you let her go just

this once?

Again?

I’m just a poor boy in a

wheelchair with a perpetually

sore butt who misses his Gram

Gram very very much.

Look, tasty metal spaghetti.

(Chomping)

It’s a little undercooked.

(Laughing)

PELSWICKOkay, that didn’t

work.

Then let me appeal to your

darker side.

You know what she’d really hate.

(Whispering)

So, what’s my punishment?

You’ll see.

They were sure mad at you.

You’re a wild one, Gram Gram.

(Laughing)

You think I’m wild?

You should’ve seen Agnes

Scullarzo, that gal was a rip

snorter.

Scullarzo?

Oh, a girl in my class in

junior high.

And talk?

You couldn’t get her to stop

talking.

Does she have a grandson

named Boyd?

Well she had a cat named

ankle sniffer.

JIMMYGrandparents are our

greatest resource.

You just gave me the perfect

idea!

GOONHey, man.

Sorry I missed you yesterday.

Goon, you were here

yesterday.

You had a concussion, remember?

I was here?

Oh, that explains why when I

went home after school I wasn’t

already there.

How did I do?

You stood up in Geography and

tried to eat Mt. Everest.

That explains these tiny

mountain climbers stuck in my

teeth.

(Screaming)

JULIEPelswick, I can’t

thank you enough.

Thanks to your contribution

today’s event will be a big

success.

I want to give you something.

Really?

They’re scratch and sniff.

Rubbing the picture reveals the

scent of our beloved elders.

Julie, this is so silly.

We’ve been friends since we

were, like, babies.

I know.

I couldn’t stand it if the

special day you’ve worked so

hard on wasn’t a big success.

Thank you, Sandra.

That’s why I designed this

Grandparent Day t-shirt that’s

so much better, and more

comfortable than yours.

(Growling)

BOYDHey, motor butt.

Here’s something else you can’t

do.

(Laughing)

Oh no, a cruel taunting.

How will I survive?

(Laughing)

Is this thing on?

(Feedback sounding)

ALLYes, it’s on!

ZEIGLERHere to remind us

how important Grandparents are

is Julie Smockford.

(Applauding)

(Laughing)

What a total doof ball

inviting his grandparents to

school.

Look for the most embarrassed

kid in the universe.

Without grandparents we would

not exist.

Our teachers would not exist.

Leonardo DiCaprio would not

exist.

Leo!

Leo!

(Gasping)

(Gasping)

Leo.

(Laughing)

I now call on an actual

grandmother and former student

for her memories and comments.

Bring out the kid’s

grandmother.

I want to see who my next victim

is.

Grammy?

Oh.

Hi, everyone.

(Flatulence sounding)

Oh, excuse me.

(Whimpering)

I’m Agnes Scullarzo, Class of

’.

And that handsome young man

right down there is my grandson

Boyd.

His loving grammy knows all of

Boyd-y Woyd-y’s secrets and

she’s going to tell you every

single one of them.

(Applauding)

I brought with me Boyd’s very

oldest friend, the toy that he

cuddled since he was an itty

baby.

Mama, mama.

(Laughing)

And that he still sleeps

with, Miss Pickles.

(Laughing)

Hi, Boyd, see you on your

pillow tonight.

(Laughing)

And this here’s a photo from

years ago that explains why

the whole family used to call

Boyd "Big Rosy Butt."

(Laughing)

Do you think we could get that

thermometer in there?

No way, Jose.

I had the same problem with

my cat!

Oh my goodness, this is

awful.

But then on his first day of

school Boyd cried his eyes out

and begged his Grammy to take

him home.

(Laughing)

’Cause he wasn’t wearing his

lucky underwear.

I did that when I became Vice

Principal.

I’m not even sure Boyd

deserves this.

It couldn’t get worse.

And here they are!

(Cheering)

Actually, yeah it could.

(Sobbing)

SANDRAI am, like, so sorry,

Boyd.

I can’t tell you how much I,

like, pity you.

Boyd, you’ve bullied me since

you had that big rosy butt.

But today I wept for you.

(Sobbing)

Nothing worse than having

everyone feel sorry for you,

huh?

Catch you later, bunny shorts.

(Sobbing)

So, glad to see my advice

worked.

Your advice?

You read it right out of Julie’s

pamphlet.

That’s right, never be afraid

to borrow from those wiser than

yourself.

I know I did on my guardian

angel exam.

So, where is your beloved

Gram Gram.

(Sighing)

Oh you can’t do this,

Guthrie, it’s cruel and unusual

punishment.

I have a constitutional right to

an engine.

Oh this is humiliating, I need

power.

(Crashing)

I need speed.

(Screaming)

(Laughing)

Try and catch me, copper!

♪