♪
(Honking)
Whoa!
Whoa!
Ah!
♪
Oh, look.
Guess whose birthday it is this
weekend?
(Gulping)
Marvin Spugler’s.
Gee, and I didn’t get him any
thing.
(Kate giggling)
Hmm.
In , he invented the cookie.
Until then, the Cookie
Monster was relatively slim.
Gram-Gram, your piece is stuck.
That’s okay.
I’ll eat it off the fan.
I wonder what his family got
Marvin for his... birthday.
We know it wasn’t cookies.
Until , any way.
He probably got a pine
scented deodorizer for his
horse.
Thanketh thou.
(Quentin groaning)
I’m feeling older, for some
reason.
Does any one need me to open any
thing?
Of course!
Could ya open the window?
(Quentin grumbling)
(All laughing)
Ya got the card?
Yup.
Ya mailed the invitations?
Yup.
How ’bout the big gift?
I’ve got the money.
I’m going to get somethin’ after
breakfast.
(Chomping)
Gram-Gram, you want me to
turn the fan off?
Nope.
I ain’t finished eatin’ yet.
(Giggling)
(Munching)
Look what I got ya,
Boydy-woydy.
Grammy, I told you not to
call me that.
I was out gettin’ a gift for
Priscilla Eggert’s son’s
surprise party, and I found
this.
Just like the one I used to make
your daddy wear to school.
(Chuckling)
Now, dance a jig for us.
(All laughing)
I don’t wanna get it dirty.
Maybe I’ll carry it to school
and put it on some one there-- I
mean, put it on there.
So, are you gonna come to my
dad’s surprise party?
Oh, you shouldn’t have told
me.
Now it won’t be a surprise.
We’re still trying to pick
out his big gift.
It’s between a Megadirt box-set,
and a donation in his name to
the Society Committed to
Stopping the Fake Fur Hunt.
Why’d you buy one skate?
It was % off!
So then, goofball Jack goes
out and buys a bunch of beans.
Beansh.
Withdrawin’ all his parents
hard earned cow that they’d been
savin’ up for years.
(Gasping)
(Cow mooing)
The lesson is, never spend
your money foolishly on
somethin’ you don’t need.
(Doorbell ringing)
What do ya want?
Hello, young lady.
Is your mother home?
(Giggling)
I am the lady of the house.
Ooh, believe it or not, I have a
fully grown son, and a half
grown bunion.
I don’t believe a word of it.
Young lady, I have some thing
here that will change your life.
Toupees in a pod.
Four disposable wigs in a
genuine green plastic pouch.
The perfect gift for that
balding loved one.
Perhaps your grandfather, Miss?
(Giggling)
Well, Quentin will be losing his
hair any day now.
BOTHYou what?
Gram-Gram, that was our gift
money.
Well, I was thinking you two
could hold him down while I
shave his head and--
Okay, don’t panic.
The party isn’t until tomorrow,
a heartfelt gift needn’t cost a
lot of money.
What does Dad like that’s cheap
and worthless?
Those little pats of
restaurant butter.
(Slurping)
Mm-mmm.
Are you guys gonna eat yours?
Now, let’s go to our rooms
and think.
Meet back here with three
billion ideas in minutes.
♪
For me?
Beansh.
(Sheep bleating)
(Panting)
Maybe they’ll have some gift
ideas on the Retirement Home
Shopping Channel.
Hiya, seniors.
You!
We’ll get right back to How
to Supplement Your Pension
Raising Lobsters in your
Bathtub, but first...
What costs absolutely nothing
that Dad would love?
A dinner jacket made of
abandoned highway shoes.
JIMMYFore!
Whoa.
Oh, what are you doing here?
Wait, you’re here to help me
with my problem, aren’t ya?
Problem?
Actually, I was wonderin’ if
you’d seen a number five golden
hamster with a nick in it.
You gonna make me guess?
Okay, fine.
Golfing outfit, Scotland, clubs,
apple.
My dad wants a Scottish golf
apple.
I walked by that at the
department store.
(Coughing)
It’s yellow.
About this big.
Yellow and golf... cheese in
a cup!
Wha?
This beautiful big screen TV
in a genuine imitation wood
finish can be yours for free.
What’s the catch?
There is no catch.
Just attend a weekend seminar
at Wrinkled Pastures, the
retirement home for those with
high expectations, and the
ability to deal with bitter
disappointment.
A TV?
Oh, that’s a great idea.
(Screaming)
And if you make your
reservation right now, we’ll
throw in... er... uh... this
pouch of four TV screen
dusters.
You know, my partner’s
waitin’, and if I don’t find it,
I’m gonna take a two stroke
penalty, and finish the back
nine alone.
Penalty... penalty...
I should put Dad in a box for
two minutes?
Where’s Gram-Gram?
I dunno.
What’s your idea?
You first.
Okay, I think we should put
him in a box with a cup of
cheese, in Scotland.
Hmm.
Well, it certainly isn’t any
thing like what we got him last
year.
You’re kiddin’?
Just for listenin’ to a seminar.
I’ll meet ya there.
Boydy-woydy, I’m goin’ out to a
retirement home.
But, Grammy, no!
Don’t go!
(Boombox playing)
Yes!
It’s about time.
ALLSurprise!
You remembered!
(Snoring)
Whoa!
Shouldn’t we at least give
him the card?
We can’t give him the card
until we’ve got the gift.
Maybe he knows where Gram-Gram
is.
Hi, Dad.
Whatcha doin’?
Oh, just casting this lonely
fishing rod in to this lonely
bucket of water.
Uh-huh.
Listen, we were wondering, for
no reason at all, if you’d seen
Gram-Gram?
Well, the first time I saw
her was the day I was born.
That would be my first birthday.
Right.
Uhm, have you seen her more
recently than that, maybe?
No.
(Crickets chirping)
(Clock ticking)
(Sighing)
You know, Mr. Potatoman, I used
to have great birthdays.
When I was ten, mother hired a
clown to toss ten cream pies at
me.
(Calliope music playing)
When I was , she rented
black cats and hid them in my
bed.
(Cats yowling)
GRAM-GRAMHappy birthday!
Uh, she was thoughtful in
those days.
What happened?
Is that--
Hmm.
Pancake.
Dad!
Boyd Scullarzo says his
grandmother and Gram-Gram packed
up and went to a nursing home.
Why would she do that?
Gram-Gram’s old enough to
make her own decisions,
Pelswick, particularly those
effecting her own unique
personhood, and potentiality.
But, she wouldn’t forget to
say good bye.
You know, there’s a lot of
things you wouldn’t think she’d
forget.
I can’t believe she’s gone.
Me neither!
I sold all her clothes, and got
this cool yo-yo.
I owe ya one.
I know she’s impulsive, but
we were planning this party for
my dad’s birthday.
If it’s off, give me the
cake.
Hey, hey!
It’s the weekend.
No bullying till Monday.
I got her room.
Now I can drop water bombs on
people who come to the door.
Plunk!
(Laughing)
I keep thinking of her in a
cold, lonely room.
Have some water soup.
You need your strength for when
your family comes.
Yeah, I have a wonderful son.
That’s nice.
His name’s Marvin Spugler.
He invented the cookie.
It’s just too horrible.
This is horrible.
At Wrinkled Pastures, our
kitchen facilities have blenders
and mashers that make chewing
almost unnecessary.
(Whirring)
Here’s a juicy steak.
Looks more like steak-y
juice.
I know some of you don’t hear
well, so we play the nightly
relaxing music at a soothing
decibels.
♪
Where’s our free TV?
ALLYeah, I want my TV!
After you stay the weekend in
your luxury, designer appointed,
eight by eight foot suite.
And now, the thrill a minute
game of shuffleboard.
Let’s dump this stiff and
take the joint.
Well, thanks any way.
I didn’t realize there were so
many retirement homes in
Bayview.
The old circus performers home,
the retired roofers home, the
television producers home.
Come on, Bobby.
Let’s try the dog pound again.
I’m sure I hit it this way.
Are we still playing this
game?
Rats and double rats.
I’m gonna lose two strokes to
Tiger Woods’ guardian angel.
That guy’s such a show-off.
I’ve got Tiger, I’ve got Tiger.
You just wanna whomp him.
Okay, very good.
You’ve stumped me.
I give up.
The help now.
You don’t need any help.
Whoa, I didn’t look in that
water trap.
Thanks for meeting me here.
I need your help to-- What’s
wrong?
All our grandparents have
disappeared!
All of them?
What’s going on in this town?
I miss mine more than you do.
Blow it out your nose, you
drama hag.
They’ve got to be all
together.
There’s one place I haven’t
tried.
Why is there a bed and a TV
in this closet?
Turn it on.
Make sure it works.
Ladies, you’re missing the
lecture on pillow fluffing.
Come along.
They’re being held against
their will.
And threatened with pillows.
We grip the pillow thus, and
give it a moderate shake.
Okay, how do we bust ’em out?
It’s hopeless, hopeless.
They’re doomed, doomed, doomed.
Okay.
Any other suggestions?
What’s this?
A meeting of the geek troop?
Your grandmother’s being held
against her will in this nursing
home.
Great!
Does this mean I get all her
Spruug CDs?
Look, if you help us get them
out, I’ll... uh...
You’ll what?
Uh...
JIMMYRats and double rats.
I’ll let you release a bag of
live rats in there.
I’m sure we have some budding
triangle players here, and every
one who signs up gets one of
these attractive fuzzy triangle
cases.
Fluffy pillows,
shuffleboards, triangles!
This ain’t the way to attract
old folks.
It ain’t what we want.
What do you want?
I’m glad you asked.
(Groaning)
Hey, I found that ball.
It was in my pocket.
But now I lost another one.
You’re wearing a raincoat.
That’s a clue for my problem,
right?
Problem?
What, it hasn’t been rainin’
here?
Rain, water, ducks, sky...
See that crane across the
street?
We’re going to borrow it, and
you’re going to lift me over the
fence, like raining ducks from
the sky.
Raining ducks?
Tell me more about the rats.
Yow!
Oh!
This crane is cool.
It’s so sad to think these are
endangered.
Wait, wait.
I’ve got the rats!
Up!
Julie.
We’re, like, best friends.
If you don’t make it through
this, I want my blue earrings
back.
You’ll have to rip them out
of my head!
Oh, rubbish.
Rubbish.
Rubbish.
Ha!
This is better.
(Cheering)
(Gasping)
I’m startin’ to like this
place.
Sign me up, sonny.
Six more feet, Goon.
Six more feet.
(Shouting)
(Screaming)
(Thudding)
They’re torturing them, and
trying to cover it up with
music!
Try some of my tacos.
They’re a lot tastier than the
slop you’ve been servin’.
(Munching)
(Fire alarm ringing)
Mucho gusto!
Here’s the plan.
We walk carefully around the
grounds, not attracting any
attention, until we find them.
Then, and only then, Boyd
releases the rats, and we escape
during the panic.
(Rat squeaking)
(Woman screaming)
Okay, plan B.
We locate our grandparents by
their unique, individual screams
of terror.
Go, go, go, go!
♪
I need somethin’ from ya.
Any thing.
A refund for those ugly wigs
ya sold me.
(Gram-Gram Giggling)
Oh, fresh!
MANOw!
(Shouting)
Awesome!
This is better than eating
somebody’s ice cream right in
front of them.
With any luck, that’s the
only one that got inside.
(Static crackling)
Turning now to the weather.
Tonight, it is expected--
(Screaming)
(Shouting)
(Squeaking)
Gee, isn’t this nice?
A quiet evening at home, just
the two of us.
(Wailing)
You first.
They won’t att*ck a guy in a
wheelchair.
(Throat clearing)
You ladies have made such a
difference.
Ten of our guests have
registered to move in.
Besides your free TVs, I’d like
to hire you both as consultants.
Did you know you had rats?
Oh, I don’t think so.
We caught these trespassers.
Pfft, those aren’t
trespassers.
That’s my grandson and his
friends... and Boyd.
Boydy-woydy, are you hurt?
Tell Grammy all about it.
Boydy-woydy?
(Giggling)
Grammy, please.
I’m a figure of schoolyard
terror.
Well, it’s gettin’ late, and
I have a surprise party to
throw.
But I do have a suggestion about
the rats.
(Screaming)
They’re just lookin’ for
nestin’ material, and I happen
to have a suggestion.
♪
So, all along there was no
problem?
I told ya.
That’s why I went golfing.
Look at me!
I’m an Irish walrus.
You know, if I could find
Dear Abby’s email address, you’d
be out of a job.
(Snoring)
ALLSurprise!
Guys, wow!
I never expected you to do any
thing like this.
(Rooster crowing)
Ah, look.
Curled up, just like the day he
came home from the hospital.
Except without the drool, and
the staff runnin’ after us,
screamin’ for their blankets and
towels back.
We’re glad to have you back,
Gram-Gram.
KATEAnd I bet Boyd’s glad
to have his grandmother back,
too.
Bull’s-eye!
I really hate that.
♪
01x13 - Nursing Home Alone
Watch/Buy Amazon
Series is about the title character, who uses a wheelchair, emphasizing that he lived a normal life. It was based on the books created by John Callahan.
Series is about the title character, who uses a wheelchair, emphasizing that he lived a normal life. It was based on the books created by John Callahan.