01x10 - Spring Broken

[bunniefuu]

♪

(Honking)

Whoa!

Whoa!

Ah!

♪

♪

(Car horn honking)

Come on, Quentin.

Let’s get this boat on the road

and burn some asphalt.

Actually, isn’t it a little

weird that your father hasn’t

told us where he’s taking us for

spring break?

Dad loves surprises.

Yeah.

He buys the unlabeled cans at

the supermarket so he’ll never

know what he’s having for lunch.

Huh?

(Meowing)

Hmm.

He didn’t even give us any

hints.

All he said was "Bring your

swim trunks."

♪

(Crowd cheering)

Let the Five-Man Revenge Slam

begin!

(All grunting)

Plus sunscreen.

Hmm.

I’ve added sunscreen to the

rocket fuel.

We can now fly safely to the

sun.

And our toothbrushes.

Oh, I’ve eaten bigger guppies

than you for breakfast.

Open your mouth.

We only get the toughest at

Shark Teeth-Brushing Camp.

Come on, Dad.

(Horn honking)

QUENTINComing.

Remember, we don’t move until

Bobby’s in the customized child

restraint harness.

KATEDad!

♪

(All grunting)

Welcome to Camp Self

Esteem-awa.

acres of family fun in the

sun.

ACEAll right, there’s

archery.

KATEHorseback riding!

GRAM-GRAMRock climbing!

GOONA box of seagulls!

That’s a pool, Goon.

Oh, yeah.

It looks great, Dad.

How’d you find this place?

Ahh, this was the only camp

I went to as a boy where I

wasn’t picked last for every

single event.

BOTHHuh?

I already feel so at home I

can’t remember what our house

looks like.

You couldn’t remember that

yesterday, Gram-Gram.

Remember, we had to come and get

you at the fire station?

For dinner, I thought I’d

roast this spotted pig.

(Whining)

Oh, I-I-I just need stronger

driving glasses.

Yeah, right.

I put them on last night.

I could see Neil Armstrong’s

footprints on the moon.

Okay, let’s go to our cabins,

unpack our things and meet back

here at .

Actually, Mr. Eggert, that’s

in the morning.

Oh, okay, let’s say in half

an hour then.

♪

Does that strike you as odd

that Dad wasn’t picked last when

he came here?

Maybe he was more coordinated

when he was younger?

♪

No, something else.

Well, see you in oh-.

Did you know that that moose

almost won grand on Who Wants

to be a Millionaire?

He panicked on a sports

question.

Used his lifeline, phoned a

racoon.

They know a lot about eating

garbage but on batting stats

they’re hopeless.

What are you doing here?

A guardian angel never rests.

Oh, great.

Look, I can’t get into trouble

out here.

Since I’m on vacation for seven

days, why don’t you take the

week off?

Are you serious?

Sure, kick back, put your

feet up, take your beard off,

read a trashy novel.

Love’s Raging Tempest.

"’Nothing could hurt as much as

leaving you,’ Ernesto cried,

’except maybe a paper cut or a

real bad brain freeze.’"

♪

I finally figured out what’s

so weird about this place.

Listen.

I don’t hear anything.

Exactly.

Where’s the agonizing screams as

small children slap each other’s

sunburns?

Yeah, and where’s the buzzing

of the bees chasing the kid who

was pushed into the hive by the

camp bully?

Those kids look happy.

♪

Welcome to Camp Self

Esteem-awa.

You can call me Sunshine,

because that’s how you all make

me feel.

I’ve got a bad feeling about

this.

Forget all that welcome

hooey.

Where’s the lifeguard?

We wanna swim.

You’re all the lifeguards.

Here it comes.

Swimming is unfairly

competitive.

Children who swim well make the

children who don’t feel

inadequate.

♪

(Sizzling)

Oh, boy, isn’t this great?

Well, we’re all equal.

We’re all empowered.

We’re all hot.

But equally hot.

Remember our family mottoIt

doesn’t matter how old or young,

male or not male we are, no

one’s better than anyone else.

Ha, I’m a lifeguard.

Ooh, I’m a lifeguard.

(Whistling)

You, out of the pool!

There’s no one in the pool,

you great loaf of bread.

What a great job you all

did.

And nobody got any water in

their ears.

Nobody got their ears in the

water.

Now it’s time for archery.

Now that’s what I’m talkin’

’bout.

♪

Sharp, deadly objects

whistling through the air at

miles an hour.

This is more like it.

Why don’t these bows have

strings?

There’s probably a good

reason.

Actually, yeah, there is.

But you’re not gonna like it.

♪

(Laughing)

Zoom!

Swish!

Now, everyone, stick your

arrow to the bull’s-eye.

If we all get bull’s-eyes how

do we know who won?

Uh-uh-uh, we don’t say the W

word.

When some triumph and some

don’t, there are hurt feelings.

That is so thoughtfully

inclusive and empowering.

And the bull’s-eye goes

to...everyone!

Yay, everyone, ha, ha!

You’re all so special.

Oh, woo-hoo!

♪ Who’s the best camper at

Esteem-awa?

Nobody, nobody, rah, rah, rah ♪

The next busload of campers

arrives in an hour and I promise

they won’t be any better than

you are.

Isn’t this great?

Great, ha, ha.

You betcha, Dad.

Alrighty.

Okay, at midnight we tunnel

under the wall with forks if the

forks here have points on them.

And catch the first bus to Laser

Land.

I’m with you, man.

Hey, I just almost got a

bull’s-eye.

Front gate, half an hour.

You know why Dad was never

picked last?

They don’t have teams here.

They don’t allow horse riding

because of the years of horse

inequality.

So they ride you.

ALLWhoa!

Well, I’m out-y.

See you at the gate.

Oh, I’m sorry.

The non-exclusionary area

divider.

"’No, no, a thousand times

no,’ sighed Eloise as Ernesto

held out an engagement ring made

of that black stuff that builds

up around the necks of ketchup

bottles."

You have to come off vacation

and help me create a division

while I escape.

There’s no escape like a good

book.

(Slurping)

They ran out of the little paper

ones.

Did you hear me?

I need you unrelaxed, unchilled

and back on the job.

(Crashing)

"Eloise looked at her ketchup

ring.

Sure, it made her finger taste

better, but was Ernesto the man

for her?"

Whoa!

I can’t take this forced

happiness for a week.

I’ll explode.

I’ll--

(Bus horn honking)

I’ll--

I’ll manage.

"Websposé"?

You know, like an exposé, but

on the web.

Julie, you’re my best friend

in the whole world, but you’re

lousy at naming things.

We should call it "Sandra

Scoddle Tells the Hidden Truth

About Bogus Vacation Spots."

Why not "Sandra and Julie"?

Too long and confusing.

You want short?

How about "Sandra the Selfish

Credit Hog"?!

Let’s discuss this like

mature, professional journalists

after I make you eat all the

twigs on this forest floor!

You said this place would

help me sharpen my large group

bullying skills, but it’s a

total loser fest.

(Grunting)

Thank you for including us in

your day.

At least at Space Camp no one

could hear them scream.

I told Dad we’re in my cabin

doing this non-elitist jigsaw

puzzle of geese flying south in

a straight line so that no one

goose is ever in front.

By the time he realizes we’re

gone, we’ll be at stomach

churning Drop World.

I liked it here.

I was tied for first place in

canoeing.

(Kids cheering)

First place!

(Panting)

Oh.

PELSWICKI’m not going.

What?

Something came up.

I can’t go without you, I’m

.

Who’s gonna believe this phoney

ID that says I’m ?

Oh, sure, it works on th

graders.

What I need is an enemy to

practise my humiliating skills

on.

So, Julie, imagine us being

in the same spring break camp

together.

Someone who gets so upset

those little veins on his head

go all--

Never mind, I found him.

♪

(Kids cheering)

PELSWICKCool!

Priscilla Eggert reporting to

base camp.

Let’s strap on the pointy shoes

and get into some thin air.

Uh, actually, Mrs. Eggert,

will you be okay up there?

What are you talking about,

of Clubs?

Actually, the name’s Ace.

In ’ I b*at Hillary to the

top of Mount Everest.

But they wouldn’t give me the

record just ’cause I didn’t do

it on foot.

You’re gonna run a line so I

can haul myself up?

Sure thing, just like last

summer.

Oh, no, no.

This isn’t rock climbing.

That would encourage one person

to get to the top quicker than

another.

Yeah, so?

This rock hugging.

If we feel better about the

Earth, we feel better about

ourselves.

Come on, everybody, we can all

be on top at Camp Self

Esteem-awa.

So, Julie, Sandra, why’d you

guys decide to come here?

As journalists we can’t,

like, tell anyone why we’re

really here.

JULIEOh, it sounded like

fun.

Is it?

Oh, yeah.

It’s...pretty fun.

And...upload.

Do you, like, believe Pelswick

enjoying himself out there?

What a doofus.

Uh, I-I’m not sure he meant

what he said, Sandra.

Well, we have to be fair.

Of course.

That’s the only way we can rip

this place to shreds for our

websposé.

Okay, let’s go get more

embarrassing video of these

pathetic horse-carrying losers.

I guarantee you’re gonna get

some real embarrassing footage

of one very special loser.

♪

(Whistling)

My, what big back wheels you

have.

Boyd?

What are you doing here?

You need more self esteem like

Tommy Lee needs another tattoo.

Pretty sneaky of you pulling

the old fake-a-roo.

What fake-a-roo?

Don’t try that on me.

Ha, you’re pretending to really

like all this esteem stuff to

get on the babe’s good side.

I am?

Taking part in those lame-o

activities to get ’em to drool

all over you?

Pretty devious.

It is?

I mean, that works?

Girls fall for anything

ridiculously disgustingly

sensitive.

Especially if you make a real

fool of yourself in front of

everyone.

Leave some babe for me, you

creep.

(Laughing)

Sure, I’ll leave you one or

two.

Smell you later.

Oh, that was almost too evil,

even for me.

Ah, I finished my book.

I can help you now.

I don’t need help.

Go back on vacation.

(Panting)

Really?

Then I can read the sequel,

Love’s Chipless Cookie,

in which Ernesto foolishly tries

to win Eloise’s heart by giving

her a hat made out of car

mufflers.

Sounds good.

Knock yourself out.

Bye.

Okay, kids, scary story time.

This is more like it.

I once knew a man who out of

sheer terror ate his own head.

It was pitch black--

(Glass clinking)

(All gasping)

No scary stories.

Fear is bad for self-image, ha.

It’s time for arts and crafts

with toothpaste.

ALLWhat?

I’m here.

Hope I didn’t miss any of the

fun.

Hey, let’s make toothpaste

bunnies.

Whee, I’m so sensitive my heart

is tickling.

(Pelswick laughing)

♪ Esteem-awa, Esteem-awa

♪ I’m a happy member of the

team-awa ♪

♪ Anyone hears about this I’ll

scream-awa ♪

Oh, Pelswick.

Roll tape.

♪

Hey, Julie, great news.

I just scored one of the leads

in the camp play.

Aren’t they doing Little

Women?

Equal-opportunity casting.

Later you can help me sew my

frock and sun bonnet.

JULIEI’m getting worried

about Pelswick.

Maybe we should erase that.

No way,"josette."

We got , hits last night on

his toothpaste bunny alone.

When we get him in a dress,

we’re gonna have more viewers

than a Intalented concert.

(Laughing)

PELSWICKFrom now on, we

are no longer little girls.

We are...little women.

Yay!

(Crickets chirping)

Yay, ha, ha!

Oh, Pelswick.

Great, huh?

Pre-toasted so no one has to

suffer the heartbreak of having

their marshmallow go all gooey

and fall into the fire.

You’re a girl.

That’s real sensitive, right?

We wanna leave, even Dad.

But I’m having a great time,

sort of.

So’s Julie.

I hate to tell you this, but

Julie thinks you’re loopier than

a bullfighter’s coat fringe.

You’re wrong.

She’s enjoying herself.

Why else would she be here?

You’re not gonna like this.

You ever hear of hidden camera

websites?

Unh, and how do you know

this?

It’s what little sisters do.

We sneak around where we’re not

wanted and spy on everyone when

we’re not enjoying all the fun

activities like gluing

boomerangs to our heads.

Julie?

You may have noticed I’ve been

acting a little strange.

A little strange?

I’ll explain later.

Maybe if I can think of

something.

Meanwhile, I need your help

with Operation Get Boyd Back.

Sorry I didn’t realise all that

time you were giving me

excellent clues disguised as

dialogue from a trashy novel.

Me trying to impress Julie by

doing junk I don’t like is like

Ernesto trying to win Eloise’s

heart with a ketchup wedding

ring and a car muffler hat.

You’ve gotta be yourself.

You’ve gotta be Ernesto or you

never win Eloise.

Anyway, thanks, bye.

(Laughing)

So, dude, what you gonna do

with all that money?

PELSWICKI don’t know.

What money?

From his website appearances.

A dollar a click.

He-he gets a dollar a click?

How many clicks did he get?

Well, there’s , in this

sack and, Ace, how many sacks?

Actually, I haven’t counted

them all.

I was thinking maybe I’d just

weigh ’em.

♪ Ring around the Rosie

A pocket full of posies ♪

♪ La-la, la, la, la-la, la

La-la-la-la, la-la, la-la ♪

I’m in a great big diaper.

Look at me, everybody, I’m

sensitive.

♪ La-la-la, la-la-la-la, la

That is the dumbest thing I

ever saw.

Maybe everybody isn’t equal.

Who wants to go in the pool and

ride the horses and go canoeing?

Let’s party!

(Kids cheering)

Poor Boyd.

He doesn’t read the papers.

There’s no money in e-commerce.

When do we tell him that was

your laundry in the sack?

Tell him?

Look, I’m humiliated.

♪ La, la, la-la-la-la

La, la, la, la ♪

How many people are watching?

,.

Yahoo!

(All laughing)

♪