♪
(Honking)
Whoa!
Whoa!
Ah!
♪
♪
(Car horn honking)
Come on, Quentin.
Let’s get this boat on the road
and burn some asphalt.
Actually, isn’t it a little
weird that your father hasn’t
told us where he’s taking us for
spring break?
Dad loves surprises.
Yeah.
He buys the unlabeled cans at
the supermarket so he’ll never
know what he’s having for lunch.
Huh?
(Meowing)
Hmm.
He didn’t even give us any
hints.
All he said was "Bring your
swim trunks."
♪
(Crowd cheering)
Let the Five-Man Revenge Slam
begin!
(All grunting)
Plus sunscreen.
Hmm.
I’ve added sunscreen to the
rocket fuel.
We can now fly safely to the
sun.
And our toothbrushes.
Oh, I’ve eaten bigger guppies
than you for breakfast.
Open your mouth.
We only get the toughest at
Shark Teeth-Brushing Camp.
Come on, Dad.
(Horn honking)
QUENTINComing.
Remember, we don’t move until
Bobby’s in the customized child
restraint harness.
KATEDad!
♪
(All grunting)
Welcome to Camp Self
Esteem-awa.
acres of family fun in the
sun.
ACEAll right, there’s
archery.
KATEHorseback riding!
GRAM-GRAMRock climbing!
GOONA box of seagulls!
That’s a pool, Goon.
Oh, yeah.
It looks great, Dad.
How’d you find this place?
Ahh, this was the only camp
I went to as a boy where I
wasn’t picked last for every
single event.
BOTHHuh?
I already feel so at home I
can’t remember what our house
looks like.
You couldn’t remember that
yesterday, Gram-Gram.
Remember, we had to come and get
you at the fire station?
For dinner, I thought I’d
roast this spotted pig.
(Whining)
Oh, I-I-I just need stronger
driving glasses.
Yeah, right.
I put them on last night.
I could see Neil Armstrong’s
footprints on the moon.
Okay, let’s go to our cabins,
unpack our things and meet back
here at .
Actually, Mr. Eggert, that’s
in the morning.
Oh, okay, let’s say in half
an hour then.
♪
Does that strike you as odd
that Dad wasn’t picked last when
he came here?
Maybe he was more coordinated
when he was younger?
♪
No, something else.
Well, see you in oh-.
Did you know that that moose
almost won grand on Who Wants
to be a Millionaire?
He panicked on a sports
question.
Used his lifeline, phoned a
racoon.
They know a lot about eating
garbage but on batting stats
they’re hopeless.
What are you doing here?
A guardian angel never rests.
Oh, great.
Look, I can’t get into trouble
out here.
Since I’m on vacation for seven
days, why don’t you take the
week off?
Are you serious?
Sure, kick back, put your
feet up, take your beard off,
read a trashy novel.
Love’s Raging Tempest.
"’Nothing could hurt as much as
leaving you,’ Ernesto cried,
’except maybe a paper cut or a
real bad brain freeze.’"
♪
I finally figured out what’s
so weird about this place.
Listen.
I don’t hear anything.
Exactly.
Where’s the agonizing screams as
small children slap each other’s
sunburns?
Yeah, and where’s the buzzing
of the bees chasing the kid who
was pushed into the hive by the
camp bully?
Those kids look happy.
♪
Welcome to Camp Self
Esteem-awa.
You can call me Sunshine,
because that’s how you all make
me feel.
I’ve got a bad feeling about
this.
Forget all that welcome
hooey.
Where’s the lifeguard?
We wanna swim.
You’re all the lifeguards.
Here it comes.
Swimming is unfairly
competitive.
Children who swim well make the
children who don’t feel
inadequate.
♪
(Sizzling)
Oh, boy, isn’t this great?
Well, we’re all equal.
We’re all empowered.
We’re all hot.
But equally hot.
Remember our family mottoIt
doesn’t matter how old or young,
male or not male we are, no
one’s better than anyone else.
Ha, I’m a lifeguard.
Ooh, I’m a lifeguard.
(Whistling)
You, out of the pool!
There’s no one in the pool,
you great loaf of bread.
What a great job you all
did.
And nobody got any water in
their ears.
Nobody got their ears in the
water.
Now it’s time for archery.
Now that’s what I’m talkin’
’bout.
♪
Sharp, deadly objects
whistling through the air at
miles an hour.
This is more like it.
Why don’t these bows have
strings?
There’s probably a good
reason.
Actually, yeah, there is.
But you’re not gonna like it.
♪
(Laughing)
Zoom!
Swish!
Now, everyone, stick your
arrow to the bull’s-eye.
If we all get bull’s-eyes how
do we know who won?
Uh-uh-uh, we don’t say the W
word.
When some triumph and some
don’t, there are hurt feelings.
That is so thoughtfully
inclusive and empowering.
And the bull’s-eye goes
to...everyone!
Yay, everyone, ha, ha!
You’re all so special.
Oh, woo-hoo!
♪ Who’s the best camper at
Esteem-awa?
Nobody, nobody, rah, rah, rah ♪
The next busload of campers
arrives in an hour and I promise
they won’t be any better than
you are.
Isn’t this great?
Great, ha, ha.
You betcha, Dad.
Alrighty.
Okay, at midnight we tunnel
under the wall with forks if the
forks here have points on them.
And catch the first bus to Laser
Land.
I’m with you, man.
Hey, I just almost got a
bull’s-eye.
Front gate, half an hour.
You know why Dad was never
picked last?
They don’t have teams here.
They don’t allow horse riding
because of the years of horse
inequality.
So they ride you.
ALLWhoa!
Well, I’m out-y.
See you at the gate.
Oh, I’m sorry.
The non-exclusionary area
divider.
"’No, no, a thousand times
no,’ sighed Eloise as Ernesto
held out an engagement ring made
of that black stuff that builds
up around the necks of ketchup
bottles."
You have to come off vacation
and help me create a division
while I escape.
There’s no escape like a good
book.
(Slurping)
They ran out of the little paper
ones.
Did you hear me?
I need you unrelaxed, unchilled
and back on the job.
(Crashing)
"Eloise looked at her ketchup
ring.
Sure, it made her finger taste
better, but was Ernesto the man
for her?"
Whoa!
I can’t take this forced
happiness for a week.
I’ll explode.
I’ll--
(Bus horn honking)
I’ll--
I’ll manage.
"Websposé"?
You know, like an exposé, but
on the web.
Julie, you’re my best friend
in the whole world, but you’re
lousy at naming things.
We should call it "Sandra
Scoddle Tells the Hidden Truth
About Bogus Vacation Spots."
Why not "Sandra and Julie"?
Too long and confusing.
You want short?
How about "Sandra the Selfish
Credit Hog"?!
Let’s discuss this like
mature, professional journalists
after I make you eat all the
twigs on this forest floor!
You said this place would
help me sharpen my large group
bullying skills, but it’s a
total loser fest.
(Grunting)
Thank you for including us in
your day.
At least at Space Camp no one
could hear them scream.
I told Dad we’re in my cabin
doing this non-elitist jigsaw
puzzle of geese flying south in
a straight line so that no one
goose is ever in front.
By the time he realizes we’re
gone, we’ll be at stomach
churning Drop World.
I liked it here.
I was tied for first place in
canoeing.
(Kids cheering)
First place!
(Panting)
Oh.
PELSWICKI’m not going.
What?
Something came up.
I can’t go without you, I’m
.
Who’s gonna believe this phoney
ID that says I’m ?
Oh, sure, it works on th
graders.
What I need is an enemy to
practise my humiliating skills
on.
So, Julie, imagine us being
in the same spring break camp
together.
Someone who gets so upset
those little veins on his head
go all--
Never mind, I found him.
♪
(Kids cheering)
PELSWICKCool!
Priscilla Eggert reporting to
base camp.
Let’s strap on the pointy shoes
and get into some thin air.
Uh, actually, Mrs. Eggert,
will you be okay up there?
What are you talking about,
of Clubs?
Actually, the name’s Ace.
In ’ I b*at Hillary to the
top of Mount Everest.
But they wouldn’t give me the
record just ’cause I didn’t do
it on foot.
You’re gonna run a line so I
can haul myself up?
Sure thing, just like last
summer.
Oh, no, no.
This isn’t rock climbing.
That would encourage one person
to get to the top quicker than
another.
Yeah, so?
This rock hugging.
If we feel better about the
Earth, we feel better about
ourselves.
Come on, everybody, we can all
be on top at Camp Self
Esteem-awa.
So, Julie, Sandra, why’d you
guys decide to come here?
As journalists we can’t,
like, tell anyone why we’re
really here.
JULIEOh, it sounded like
fun.
Is it?
Oh, yeah.
It’s...pretty fun.
And...upload.
Do you, like, believe Pelswick
enjoying himself out there?
What a doofus.
Uh, I-I’m not sure he meant
what he said, Sandra.
Well, we have to be fair.
Of course.
That’s the only way we can rip
this place to shreds for our
websposé.
Okay, let’s go get more
embarrassing video of these
pathetic horse-carrying losers.
I guarantee you’re gonna get
some real embarrassing footage
of one very special loser.
♪
(Whistling)
My, what big back wheels you
have.
Boyd?
What are you doing here?
You need more self esteem like
Tommy Lee needs another tattoo.
Pretty sneaky of you pulling
the old fake-a-roo.
What fake-a-roo?
Don’t try that on me.
Ha, you’re pretending to really
like all this esteem stuff to
get on the babe’s good side.
I am?
Taking part in those lame-o
activities to get ’em to drool
all over you?
Pretty devious.
It is?
I mean, that works?
Girls fall for anything
ridiculously disgustingly
sensitive.
Especially if you make a real
fool of yourself in front of
everyone.
Leave some babe for me, you
creep.
(Laughing)
Sure, I’ll leave you one or
two.
Smell you later.
Oh, that was almost too evil,
even for me.
Ah, I finished my book.
I can help you now.
I don’t need help.
Go back on vacation.
(Panting)
Really?
Then I can read the sequel,
Love’s Chipless Cookie,
in which Ernesto foolishly tries
to win Eloise’s heart by giving
her a hat made out of car
mufflers.
Sounds good.
Knock yourself out.
Bye.
Okay, kids, scary story time.
This is more like it.
I once knew a man who out of
sheer terror ate his own head.
It was pitch black--
(Glass clinking)
(All gasping)
No scary stories.
Fear is bad for self-image, ha.
It’s time for arts and crafts
with toothpaste.
ALLWhat?
I’m here.
Hope I didn’t miss any of the
fun.
Hey, let’s make toothpaste
bunnies.
Whee, I’m so sensitive my heart
is tickling.
(Pelswick laughing)
♪ Esteem-awa, Esteem-awa
♪ I’m a happy member of the
team-awa ♪
♪ Anyone hears about this I’ll
scream-awa ♪
Oh, Pelswick.
Roll tape.
♪
Hey, Julie, great news.
I just scored one of the leads
in the camp play.
Aren’t they doing Little
Women?
Equal-opportunity casting.
Later you can help me sew my
frock and sun bonnet.
JULIEI’m getting worried
about Pelswick.
Maybe we should erase that.
No way,"josette."
We got , hits last night on
his toothpaste bunny alone.
When we get him in a dress,
we’re gonna have more viewers
than a Intalented concert.
(Laughing)
PELSWICKFrom now on, we
are no longer little girls.
We are...little women.
Yay!
(Crickets chirping)
Yay, ha, ha!
Oh, Pelswick.
Great, huh?
Pre-toasted so no one has to
suffer the heartbreak of having
their marshmallow go all gooey
and fall into the fire.
You’re a girl.
That’s real sensitive, right?
We wanna leave, even Dad.
But I’m having a great time,
sort of.
So’s Julie.
I hate to tell you this, but
Julie thinks you’re loopier than
a bullfighter’s coat fringe.
You’re wrong.
She’s enjoying herself.
Why else would she be here?
You’re not gonna like this.
You ever hear of hidden camera
websites?
Unh, and how do you know
this?
It’s what little sisters do.
We sneak around where we’re not
wanted and spy on everyone when
we’re not enjoying all the fun
activities like gluing
boomerangs to our heads.
Julie?
You may have noticed I’ve been
acting a little strange.
A little strange?
I’ll explain later.
Maybe if I can think of
something.
Meanwhile, I need your help
with Operation Get Boyd Back.
Sorry I didn’t realise all that
time you were giving me
excellent clues disguised as
dialogue from a trashy novel.
Me trying to impress Julie by
doing junk I don’t like is like
Ernesto trying to win Eloise’s
heart with a ketchup wedding
ring and a car muffler hat.
You’ve gotta be yourself.
You’ve gotta be Ernesto or you
never win Eloise.
Anyway, thanks, bye.
(Laughing)
So, dude, what you gonna do
with all that money?
PELSWICKI don’t know.
What money?
From his website appearances.
A dollar a click.
He-he gets a dollar a click?
How many clicks did he get?
Well, there’s , in this
sack and, Ace, how many sacks?
Actually, I haven’t counted
them all.
I was thinking maybe I’d just
weigh ’em.
♪ Ring around the Rosie
A pocket full of posies ♪
♪ La-la, la, la, la-la, la
La-la-la-la, la-la, la-la ♪
I’m in a great big diaper.
Look at me, everybody, I’m
sensitive.
♪ La-la-la, la-la-la-la, la
That is the dumbest thing I
ever saw.
Maybe everybody isn’t equal.
Who wants to go in the pool and
ride the horses and go canoeing?
Let’s party!
(Kids cheering)
Poor Boyd.
He doesn’t read the papers.
There’s no money in e-commerce.
When do we tell him that was
your laundry in the sack?
Tell him?
Look, I’m humiliated.
♪ La, la, la-la-la-la
La, la, la, la ♪
How many people are watching?
,.
Yahoo!
(All laughing)
♪
01x10 - Spring Broken
Watch/Buy Amazon
Series is about the title character, who uses a wheelchair, emphasizing that he lived a normal life. It was based on the books created by John Callahan.
Series is about the title character, who uses a wheelchair, emphasizing that he lived a normal life. It was based on the books created by John Callahan.