02x08 - Pelswick On A String

[bunniefuu]

♪

(Honking)

Whoa!

Whoa!

Ah!

♪

Like, keep this to yourself

but I think I’m in love.

With who?

With myself as a puppet!

I am just, like, so cute!

Especially in this exact

reproduction of a DeFlammo

original.

Sandra, these puppets are

supposed to help us reveal and

examine our inner persons.

If the outer person doesn’t

look good, like, who cares about

the inner person?

Hey, guys!

Let’s see yours!

Nah, it’s not finished.

Sure is a weird class

assignment, huh?

Yeah, if this guy thinks our

puppets are going to start

taking on a life of their own

and acting out our inner

thoughts and fantasies he’s

nuts!

Queen Julie, can’t you see I’m

in love with you?

Marry me and we’ll have finger

puppets.

Look at the Sandra puppet’s

stupid outfit and ugly strings.

(Laughing)

Good one puppet, Boyd.

Like, grow a wooden brain,

wonko!

Then again, we could all be

headed for an episode of the

twilight zone.

ZEIGLERI must say, Doctor

Stevens, it’s a great honour to

have a famous puppet identity

therapist here at Alcatraz.

Of course.

I was once engaged to a

puppet.

She left me for a troll doll on

the end of a pencil.

What did he have that I didn’t

have?

Other than bright orange hair

out to here!

With my patented puppet

identity therapy I can help

individuals learn about their

inner feelings.

Doctor Stevens, I can call

you Doctor Stevens, right?

Of course.

Well, Doctor Stevens, I’m

having a devil of a time with

this highly complicated brain

teaser puzzle you gave me.

It is not a puzzle.

It is a piece of string.

Done, I think the eyes were

the hardest part to get right.

Hello?

Actually, getting the Servos

to work in sequence was the

hardest part for me.

I trust you’ve all completed

your puppets.

Actually, Sir, if they have

strings they’re not puppets,

they’re marionettes.

Shh.

I will inspect each puppet and

we will begin revealing your

true inner selves.

There’s Bobby’s true inner

self right here.

(Sobbing)

Goon had better hurry up and

get here with his puppet.

GOONI don’t have one.

I thought we were supposed to

make ourselves into a puppet.

Quick, get him down.

Oh.

(Grunting)

Mr. Eggert, your you please.

Where’s the rest of it?

What, you think the other eye

should’ve been bigger?

Mr. Eggert, your puppet isn’t

finished.

Sure it is.

You are missing a very

important part of the real you.

You’re missing your wheelchair.

As a matter of fact, and

luckily for my mother, I was

born without it.

Are you being flippant?

Eggert’s in trouble.

Eggert’s in trouble!

You said the puppet was

supposed to represent ourselves.

Well this is me.

It’s not you.

You are in a wheelchair.

But I’m not a wheelchair.

When I cook I’m not a frying

pan.

(Laughing)

Don’t get smart.

This is school, aren’t you

supposed to encourage that or

something.

Enough, go to the principal’s

office.

We don’t have a principal.

We only have a vice--

To the principal’s office,

now!

(Sighing)

BOYDEggert’s in trouble,

Eggert’s in trouble.

Eggert’s in trouble!

Pipe down, immaturo.

And where is your puppet?

Uh, Sir.

Shh, I’m talking to this

student.

But Doctor Stevens--

Quiet.

I asked where your puppet is.

(Flatulence sounding)

That’s it, detention!

Mr...Gunderson?

Done.

Finally, someone has done his

homework.

Hm, it looks just like you.

(Sniffing)

Ew, it even smells just like

you.

Mr. Jimmy?

Is there some reason you’ve

added yourself to the official

portraits of our past

principals?

You’re kidding.

That’s who they are?

I thought they were just guys

with beards and out of date

suits.

I’ve got a whole closet full

plus a few extra beards.

So, naturally I--

Hello.

Whoa, someone pull the fire

alarm or something?

Where you off to so fast?

I’ve been sent to the Vice

Principal’s office.

Oh man, that doesn’t happen

unless you’re in trouble.

Except on visit the Vice

Principal Win a Chocolate Log

Day.

You all visited me.

Here are your chocolate logs.

No, I see by your expression

it’s trouble.

That’s where I come in.

Here’s my advice.

(Throat clearing)

Ask to see Doctor Stevens’

puppet.

Look, Mr. Jimmy, I don’t need

another one of your word puzzles

right now.

What do I have to do this time,

translate it into pig Latin and

say it backwards?

Type it onto a page and look at

it through a kaleidoscope?

(Throat clearing)

You might have a better time

talking to this picture.

I have wonderful conversations

with it every day.

Doctor Stevens sent me to see

you.

Ooh, Doctor Stevens.

This must be serious.

He’s a famous therapist.

You’ve obviously put a lot of

work into this puppet.

The eyes especially.

Thanks.

I used an to ratio.

But Doctor Stevens is, ooh,

an expert.

That’s why we hired him.

That and because otherwise we’d

have to spend the money on

textbooks with the right answers

and updated computer equipment.

The puppet needs to look like

you.

It does look like me.

But you’re legs don’t work.

These legs don’t work either,

you have to pull the strings.

My experiment needs

percent participation.

He’s suspended until he puts his

puppet in a wheelchair.

You can’t suspend me, you’re

just a therapist.

But he is an expert.

Ooh.

You’re suspended!

It’s freaky carrying a

miniature me around all day.

Hard to believe some kids are

actually talking to theirs, eh

Mr. Foot Goon?

That’s right Mr. Body Goon.

Like, wait up, I had to

change.

(Laughing)

(Grunting)

(Laughing)

You want a piece of me,

Scullarzo?

Hi-ya!

Where’s your puppet?

Doctor Stevens gave it

detention.

Still won’t talk, eh?

Hm.

GOONHey, how come you

didn’t come back to class?

I was suspended until I agree

to put my puppet in a

wheelchair.

What?

That’s crazy!

You’ve got to tell your dad.

Uh-uh, no way.

He has a long history of

overreacting when he thinks

anyone is being unfair to his

children.

Small neck gym uniforms

unfair to the generously nosed.

Field trips discriminate against

the chronically car sick.

Quiet time is an infringement of

toddler free speech.

It was amusing when I was

six.

In junior high it’s not really

something I want to deal with.

I’m an adult now, I can handle

this myself.

Hey, everyone.

How was your day?

My day was great, no problems at

all.

(Throat clearing)

So, uh, what’s up?

I’m planning your higher

education.

I got applications for top

universities and grouped them

according to their strengths.

Pile number one, steeped in

tradition, academically

rigorous, leadership oriented.

Pile two, steeped in a little

tradition, academically

flexible, professionally

oriented.

And in case any of you don’t get

top grades, which is perfectly

fine, well, there’s these.

Well, I’ll leave you to it.

You’re suspended until you

put your puppet in a wheelchair!

(Sighing)

KATENot so fast.

No monkey college for you.

You’re strictly ivy league.

Why do you care what

university I go to?

Because you being a street

sweeper ain’t going to put

doughnuts in dad’s milk at

Golden Angels Rest Home.

And if you think I want an old

man living in the guest villa of

my mansion asking what time

Jeopardy comes on, you’ve got

another thing coming.

Ask to see Doctor Stevens

puppet.

It’s time to play decode the

guardian angel’s message!

What advice to we have for

Pelswick Eggert today?

"Teppup Snevets Rdees Otksa."

Well, he’s given me worse

advice.

Let’s see here.

"Ski roppup eventsted tusk."

"Scramble odd worms nails

sausage."

QUENTINSo, what’s on your

plate at school today, champ?

Draw vintage skied ruffles.

What?

I mean, uh, the usual.

Remember what I said.

Hit the books, oldest son.

Bye!

Make us proud.

See you.

Looks like it’s just you and me.

Remember party frogs.

You made them yourself out of a

piece of gingham.

Yeah, remember making your

own butter?

Oh, you bet.

Tasted better than this store

bought stuff.

(Chewing)

GRAM GRAMYou remember

making your own sponges?

What?

Sponges from the sea!

You grew your own sponges?

Don’t you remember?

Oh, you got a , gallon

t*nk, filled it with brine

putting coral, rock, sand, kelp.

An eco system complete with

sharks, eels, micro plankton,

otters, rain fall and electric

tide simulators.

Then after - years, oh

you’re pulling out a sponge the

size of your fist.

What are you talking about?

We bought ours at the store for

a nickel.

Well sure butter’s cheap too

if you don’t care what it tastes

like.

(Chewing)

Huh?

What?

Oh, I thought I saw Pelswick.

Aw, that’s impossible he’s in

school.

We can’t go home.

We can’t go to school.

We don’t have $,, so we

can’t go to the moon.

Where do other people go when

they’ve got absolutely nothing

else going on in their lives?

Just a lemonade please.

Venti, grande, or

multo-grande?

Since when do beverages only

come in Italian?

Back to my patented puppet

identity therapy.

As you continue to speak through

your puppets, all the angst you

normally hide will bubble to the

surface.

Bubble, bubble, bubble, ooh,

I just love bubble baths!

Ooh, bubble, bubble, bubble.

Kicking out Pelswick was so

unacceptable.

So unjustified.

So, uh, so mean.

We have to do something.

We could, like, hold a puppet

hunger strike.

Actually, puppets don’t eat.

Speak for your wooden self.

Mine has this, like, matching

picnic basket and country

ensemble.

(Slurping)

Maybe I don’t have to go back

to school.

Maybe I could complete my

education online.

Stop it!

(Laughing)

After all every piece of

wisdom in the history of the

world is available on the

internet whether it’s true or

not.

"Welcome to the girls who

twirl their hair with one finger

while they type chat room."

Search for UFO’s in my

kitchen.

GRAM GRAMHey, give me a

double double just like Grandpa

used to make it.

No sugar, no fancy foam, and no

cream.

I brought my own.

(Mooing)

We’re, like, here to protest

the Pelswick puppet being thrown

out of school.

And Pelswick himself.

Right!

Tiny puppets!

(Gasping)

Are we inside the stomach of a

whale.

Shall I start a fire to make him

sneeze us out?

They’re protesting the

expulsion of the boy who upset

my experiment.

He became a real boy?

Oh, joy!

He’s been dreaming of it for so

long!

Ooh, he’s a real boy, a real

boy.

Where’s that little singing

cockroach?

I want to shake all six of his

spiky hands.

Actually, this may not be the

quickest route to a resolution

of the problem.

There’s plenty to do if

you’re not in school all day.

Does it get more interesting

later on, or is this pretty much

it?

(Belching)

That’s what I thought.

P-u.

What this park needs is big do

not litter sign right about

here.

Those albino pigeons are

enormous.

Those are seagulls.

This is the dump.

Oh that explains the network

executives looking for reality

show concepts.

Let’s put six people on an

island and make them fight over

this used corn cob.

Why aren’t you in school?

Didn’t you take my advice?

I tried decoding it.

The best I could come up with

was Dreef’s Nocturgents Grass

Nuppet.

No, sorry, Nuppets grass.

You’re close, keep working on

it.

(Beeping)

I knew I shouldn’t have worn

white today.

QUENTINHey, how was school,

champ?

Great, I was there.

I was there all day.

There were blackboards, and a

floor, and teachers, and desks.

That was school all right, and

that’s where I was.

(Sniffing)

Ugh, why do you smell like?

(Sniffing)

Poo poo.

Uh, field trip for school.

’Cause that’s where I was.

Field trip to where?

Uh, the museum of decaying

rotting stuff.

Ooh, notice anything, um,

different about the house today?

(Laughing)

I thought we needed a little

change from all that store

bought electricity full of

chemicals.

So, I built an old fashioned

homemade nuclear reactor on the

roof.

What is the meaning of this?

Actually, this is a puppet

sit in to protest the suspension

of Pelswick Eggert.

All puppets, sit!

SANDRABoyd!

(Grunting)

(Whistling)

Crew, maintenance, or just

stowing away for idle teenage

kicks?

None of the above.

Aimlessly k*lling time while

staying out of school and

avoiding family.

Right.

Warf .

Do you realize how much

trouble I got into just because

I stood up for you?

Or wait, did you stand up for

me?

It doesn’t matter.

I miss my friends.

(Thunder crashing)

I’m cold, I’m wet, and I’m

talking to a piece of wood here.

I should take some of this scrap

wood, build the stupid

wheelchair, and get it over

with.

(Thunder crashing)

ALLPelswick, Pelswick, we

want Pelswick!

Pancakes, pancakes, yum yum,

pancakes!

ALLPelswick, Pelswick, we

want Pelswick.

I simply cannot make a whale

sneeze with all this noise.

Puppet police, advance!

I knew you weren’t going to

school.

What’s your excuse, huh?

Huh, huh?

I got suspended.

(Gasping)

No!

(Panting)

Okay, plan B.

(Panting)

We need a non conventional

business plan capitalizing on

your rebellious bad boy image.

Would you endorse a line of

ripped t-shirts with anti social

slogans?

PELSWICKForget that, I

cave.

I’m making a toy wheelchair and

putting my self image puppet in

it and going back to school.

Self image puppet?

Not Doctor Stevens?

Did he come to your school

too?

He’s a complete loon-bo.

(Laughing)

Said I was career obsessed.

Have you seen his puppet or is

he still hiding it?

No, for some reason I didn’t

think of anything that straight

forward.

Thanks, Kate.

You want to thank me?

Get straight A’s!

(Thunder crashing)

You were suspended.

I’m not speaking to you.

And I don’t want to speak to

you.

But my puppet does want to speak

to your puppet.

(Thunder crashing)

My p-p-p-puppet?

Hello, children!

That’s Doctor Stevens’ self

image?

He thinks he’s an ostrich?

Emu, I’m an emu darn it!

If I didn’t have to shave every

day for a close minded society

that won’t let birds be doctors

I’d have beautiful beautiful

feathers.

I wanted an expert, not an

emu!

You’re fired!

Woo, woo, woo.

Woo, woo, woo.

(Cheering)

Look at him run!

(Laughing)

Why didn’t you tell me it

wasn’t a clue?

You don’t like clues, you

always say tell me straight out.

I know.

So I did.

But you didn’t tell me you

did.

Apparently we’re okay if we

stay in the front yard for the

next , years.

♪