02x10 - A Rap And A Hard Place

[bunniefuu]

♪

(Honking)

Whoa!

Whoa!

Ah!

♪

Just look at this.

Can you believe it?

Oh, look at all these people

just lying around.

Do any of them look like they’re

having fun?

Do they even look alive?

No, they all look like this.

And this!

(Clicking)

Our whole town might as well be

asleep.

Bayview needs to shake off it’s

doldrums and pull together to be

all that we can be!

I like have the perfect

solution.

Get everyone to wear these!

Nobody can be like unhappy in

knee high yellow go go boots!

Look.

Impossible.

They’re so like ’s, so Hair,

so Goldie Hawn!

They make your whole body, like,

feel like singing.

♪ I just want to sing

JULIESandra!

We need to unite the people of

this town against their common

enemy.

Tedious, monotonous, stagnant,

vegetative, catatonic boredom!

(Knocking)

Like, Hi, boys!

Good morning.

Hey.

See what I mean?

Do none of you see my happy

boots?

♪ Feelin’ groovy ♪

It’s Monday, okay?

It’s more than Monday, it’s

every day!

It’s last weeks football game.

ALLHey, ho, whatever.

A town’s spirit begins with

the energy of it’s youth.

But look at us!

Even our bullies have lost their

will to torment others.

Push him in that puddle and

laugh.

You push him in the puddle

and laugh.

Town spirit starts with

school spirit?

Has no one but me noticed we’ve

had the same class pet since

?

How can we have any school

spirit when our campus flag is a

student being carried off by

vultures?

PELSWICKActually that’s

better than our last flag.

A school with a broken heart

being sucked into a black

swirling vortex of nothingness.

It’s kind of depressing.

Apathy is a disease!

What’s, like, apathy?

(Gasping)

Apathy, uh, here it is.

"Laziness, boredom, lack of

interest, droopiness."

It’s all a disease!

If you let it spread there’s no

telling what depths you could

sink to.

It’s up to us to do something

about this.

I’m telling you knee high

yellow boots!

♪ I just want to sing

(Grunting)

Get serious.

Play?

Oh, sorry, Bobby boo boo.

I gotta go play a big person

game.

Mr. Piggy Bank’s full, so Agnes

and me are taking the senior

charter shuttle bus to gamble

city!

Oh, we’ll eat some cheap food

and then dump this bucks into

the slot machine.

Then after we lose it all we’ll

catch Ricky Martin’s show.

Yeah, and maybe follow him back

to his hotel room and pick the

lock.

I’ve got your vida loca right

here, big boy.

Oh, kitty will play with you.

(Meowing)

Hm, you’re my favourite.

I’m going to eat you last.

Plus, they go with like

everything.

Sandra, the answer to our

town’s apathy is not yellow

boots!

Think spirit, think heavyweight

boxer level self esteem.

Think...bone brain.

Oh yeah?

Swamp face!

Not you!

Bone brain of that rock band

"Them Too"

♪In the name of looking less

gross♪

♪Help the homely buy a new

nose♪

Wow, like Plastic-Aid.

They raised like gajillion

dollars to buy cosmetic surgery

for the homely.

That’s the answer!

Nose jobs for the whole

school?

No, Sandra, the power of

song!

Rock music drives every movie,

every hip TV show, every bum

wiggling jean selling

commercial.

Only rock stars can truly save

the world.

Especially rock stars with,

like, knee high yellow boots!

JULIEFellow Bayview-ers.

This Friday you’re all invited

to the first annual Heal the

Town Motivational Rock Concert!

Huh, I heard if you play

those rock songs backward you go

completely googly eyed insane

and try to eat a ship.

This concert will be for

people of all ages.

And our headliner will be the

hot new band "Escape from

Alcatraz."

Escape from Alcatraz?

Who are those losers?

Oh no no, no no no no no no no.

No way!

I’m not musical.

Look, I can’t even tap my foot.

(Grunting)

Too late, I already made the

posters.

Hey, how come I’m the

drummer.

You were the only one with

your hands up in the school

picnic photo.

A squirrel was trying to rob

me.

(Gasping)

Look out, he’s got an acorn!

Ooh.

I’ll write the music and the

lyrics.

And I’ll stand on stage in

knee high yellow boots with one

of those things that makes a

shack-a-lack-whack sound.

I would love to, really, but

even if we had talent and could

sing.

Where are we going to get

instruments and a place to

rehearse?

No, no, don’t bat the eyes.

Ahh.

(Sighing)

You guys can make as much

noise as you want in here.

Ah, gee, thanks.

Ooh, there are light bulbs in

the back of this thing.

Those are tubes.

This is classic equipment.

Classic?

It’s old.

The spiders in the drums have

beards.

(Sighing)

The times we had.

♪ Dancing on a Thursday,

Thursday night ♪

♪ Dancing on a Thursday night

Fake tongues!

Flash pod!

(Exploding)

Have fun guys!

♪

(Cell phone ringing)

Hey, Mom.

Yeah, okay.

I’ll be home in a couple of

hours.

(Beeping)

You know you’re in trouble

when your cell phone knows more

songs than your band.

(Laughing)

♪ Come on people pull together

♪ Make our school cheer ring

out ♪

Um, like wouldn’t it be

better if it was "Make our

school cheer bellow"?

So you can rhyme it with

boots of yellow?

Not necessarily.

Okay, I see you.

Get bigger and tell me what’s

wrong with my life besides the

fact that I was just booed by a

year old spider.

That looks a lot like someone

I know.

Hey, look at that cloud.

It looks just like a guardian

angel getting a massage.

Ooh, yeah.

Under the wings.

What wings?

And that one looks like the

lead singer from Sprook!

Did you decompress too

quickly on your way down?

Wait!

Lead singer!

You’re giving me a hint about

how to get out of this band

without upsetting Julie!

Don’t be so silly, there’s

no way out of it.

Now that’s weird.

That puffy cloud just looks like

a big puffy cloud.

You oughta get a picture of that

before it turns into something

el--

Nope, too late.

It’s a poodle.

If I collect enough box tops

can I get a decoder ring for

you?

Well, I’ve done enough

good here, come along, junior.

Just for that I’m going to

get famous so I won’t need an

obscure deadbeat guardian angel.

Three, two, one, gamble!

Woo, it never did that

before.

Better scram before they charge

us for busting it.

Oh my, you’ve each one the

million dollar mega jackpot.

Sheesh Prissy, I thought we

were going to gamble until we

lose, eat cheap food, and go

home with Ricky Martin’s pants.

Oh, Ricky, better start

pushing them back in.

(Sighing)

Oh darn, if this keeps up

we’re going to be here forever.

Welcome to the Alcatraz Heal

the Town Spirit Show.

Fellow--

(Distorted high pitched

warbling)

(Murmuring)

"How to bootleg hot new acts

and make a fortune."

We’re "Escape from Alcatraz."

Did she call us degenerate

cops and nerfle?

If my eyes go googly and I

head for the marina?

Lasso me and tie me to this

chair.

Here’s the music and lyrics.

Well, I don’t read music, I

had to put stickies on the

keyboard to know which notes to

play.

So did Goon.

Hit this one, and hit this

one, and go boom boom boom on

the foot one.

No problem, we’ll play loud

and you just yell the words like

Rage Against the Washing

Machine.

A one, a two, a one, two, three,

four!

♪ Come on people get the

spirit ♪

♪ Can’t do nothing sleeping ♪

♪ Yellow knee high go-go boots

will stop your toesie’s

weeping ♪

(Distorted music playing)

♪ Nothing makes your legs

rejoice like knee high yellow

boots ♪

What?

The mayor is a festering frog

porridge?

Bullies should have their

tongues slammed in doors of nor?

(Distorted music playing)

♪ Which is easier to do in

yellow b-o-o-t-s ♪

(Drumming)

They just called us a bunch

of slimy booger munchers!

Get ’em!

(Murmuring)

Are they storming the stage

for our autographs?

’Cause I forgot mine.

Actually, I don’t think it’s

autographs they want, it’s our

heads on a platter.

Rock and roll!

(Murmuring)

I can’t believe we won our

own casino, Agnes.

Tell the concierge we want

softer steak, firmer mattresses,

and three massages, pronto!

Three?

(Moaning)

(Gasping)

Did you hear that horrible

concert?

That boy sang no babies are

cute!

(Gasping)

No?

(Flatulence sounding)

ALLStamp out the hate,

smash it in the face!

Smash smash smash, hate hate

hate!

ANNOUNCERBayview, a usually

quiet and peaceful town was

shaken last night by the foul

lyrics of a new local rock

band.

When they sang "Janitors

should drink their own

suds buckets."

I was outraged!

Did you hear what they said

about skinny kids with big

glasses?

They said we were nerdy!

Plaid is for losers?

I could’ve pounded them.

Hm.

But the stuff they said about

nerds was pretty funny.

When they said their vice

principal was crazy I was so

mad I told off the little man

who lives in my stomach and

eats the croutons in my salads.

Don’t you, you little rascal!

(HIGH PITCHED VOICE)No, I

don’t, don’t blame me, no!

We didn’t say any of that

stuff!

Well, I’ve had enough, I’m

going home.

Goon, I don’t think leaving’s

a good idea.

Especially since they built that

machine to toss anyone who steps

out the front door into a bucket

of dead fish!

Test!

(Splashing)

PELSWICKWell, Julie, you

got your wish.

I don’t see much apathy out

there.

Oh, if we could just, like,

get everyone to wear yellow knee

high boots.

♪ I just want to sing

(Grunting)

Hey.

Get serious!

MANWelcome to parents of

kids everybody hates.

Would our newest member care to

begin?

(Throat clearing)

Uh, I’m Quentin Eggert and,

uh, I helped my son start a

band.

Oh dear, intolerant people do

hate modern music.

When Escape from Alcatraz

played apparently my old sound

system wasn’t quite--

(Gasping)

Did you say Escape from

Alcatraz?

(Screaming)

(Spitting)

(Groaning)

(Chainsaw running)

Hey, you wanna protest

something?

Protest how lousy we played.

I didn’t even want to be in this

stupid band!

The whole town hates us.

Now I know what Frankenstein

felt like.

(Murmuring)

Hey, it’s Pelsenstein the

monster.

He’s the one who brought hatred

into our simple hearts.

Mercy!

He said m*rder!

No, I said mercy.

It’s this crummy sound system.

Hello?

Is this thing on?

(Feedback sounding)

(Screaming)

Do you realize your band’s

already bigger than The Beatles?

How do you figure that?

There’s five of you and

there’s only four of them.

Hey, look at the way the

marshmallow’s melting in my

cocoa.

Doesn’t it kind of look like a

comb?

I got your message.

People see shapes that aren’t

there, and they hear lyrics that

nobody sang.

Huh?

It is a comb.

How’d that get in there?

But what can anyone do about

other people’s

misunderstandings.

MR. JIMMYSorry, only one

clue per week.

I did the cloud and cocoa thing,

that’s all you get!

Plus that song about guardian

angels being useless and

annoying?

That was way out of line.

(Sighing)

Cripes.

ALLBoo hiss boo, we hate

your band and your stupid lyrics

too!

Yay!

You must be thinking of

someone else.

I’m a race car, vroom vroom.

(Panting)

KATEPelswick!

(Sighing)

Thank goodness I caught you

before they tossed you in a

bucket of dead fish.

You need a manager, sign this.

Who’d manage a band everybody

hates?

Note the keyword everybody.

Where there’s everybody there’s

money!

I had people this morning ask

where they can find your CD.

And others with big sticks

who wanted to know where you’re

hiding.

I told them Boyd’s house.

(Crashing)

Stop it, he’s not here!

Why would they want a CD of

music they all think is

insulting them?

So they can burn it.

Sign this contract and we can

have a product on the street

this afternoon.

I need highly profitable flames

by dinner time.

(Squeaking)

Ace, Good, Julie, and Sandra

will never sign this.

Well then, just sign right

here beneath Ace, Goon, Julie,

and Sandra.

Do the rabbits!

(Phone ringing)

Hey, mama bunny disappeared.

(Murmuring)

A Mr. Hayseed just hit the

triple mega jackpot.

The casino now belongs to him.

Ha-cha-cha!

Ding ding ding ding ding!

Woo-hoo.

Ha, what time’s the senior

bus leave?

(Murmuring)

Get your copy of these

deplorable anti social diatribes

before they sell out.

The $ t-shirts burn the best!

ALLBurn!

(Cheering)

I know you recording stars

are real busy so I made you a

cup of tea and drank it for you.

Your tea leaves kind of look

like a handsome guy giving a

thumbs up.

Didn’t we settle this?

Whatever you see in a cloud, or

a melted marshmallow, or tea

leaves is all in your

imagination, right?

Except, there are no real

poodles in clouds but there were

real lyrics in our song.

This is the most offensive

thing my baby and I have ever

heard.

We’ll take a dozen!

(Gasping)

It’s him!

Yeah, it’s me, get over it.

Doesn’t the artist get a free

copy?

Eh...

This is blank, hasn’t anyone

complained?

They bought them to burn,

people don’t have to listen to

what they already hate.

Where’s the recording you

made off the mixing board, hm?

No, I don’t think of your

reputation and future, I think

of the merchandising!

(Sighing)

JULIEWe interrupt your

boring morning to broadcast the

real lyrics of Escape from

Alcatraz!

(Gasping)

Thanks to the air raid siren

speakers on the school roof all

of Bayview can now hear this

song through proper equipment.

♪ Come on people get the

spirit ♪

♪ Can’t do nothing sleeping ♪

♪ Yellow knee high go go boots

will stop your toesie’s

weeping ♪

(Grunting)

Oh, they’re not controversial

hate mongers after all.

They’re just a real lousy

band with bad lyrics.

Why, this is nothing but a

silly song about yellow knee

high boots.

(Crashing)

Mother, oh, you missed a very

exciting time.

How was your weekend?

Eh, I lost bucks.

♪ So let your hearts and spirits

soar ♪

♪ And always do your best

♪ Which is easier to do in

yellow b-o-o-t-s ♪

♪