♪
(Honking)
Whoa!
Whoa!
Ah!
♪
♪
(Struggling)
(Laughing)
(Struggling)
PELSWICKKeep pulling!
Tell me again how he got his
head stuck in here.
He did it on a dare.
Who would dare Goon to put
his head in a garbage can?
Actually, he did.
GOONI did!
I did!
(Laughing)
I am not gonna let this
happen!
This is--
Women everywhere-- I--
(Screaming)
(Crashing)
Pull over, miss.
Do you know how fast you were
going?
(Chuckling)
Sorry Pelswick, I have no
time for motorcycle cop humour
right now.
I’m going to avenge a great
wrong.
I thought you did that
yesterday.
Pigs are sweet not cafeteria
meat.
PELSWICKYou know, when you
protested the use of animals in
the cafeteria meat until we
found out there aren’t any
animals in the cafeteria meat.
(Screaming)
This is a different great
wrongSandra’s been suspended!
For what?
Violating school code number
.
Um, don’t ever have fun doing
anything ever?
That’s .
It’s the dress code.
Alcatraz has a dress code?
How is that possible?
My point exactly.
You have a little sister; you’ll
understand.
I’m fighting this fight for
females everywhere.
Since you’re busy is there
anything at all I can do for
you?
Anything?
That is so nice of you.
Let me see, could you, um--
Sir Boyd, I pray Sir Eggert
shall unhorse thee and win my
hand and an all expense paid
weekend for in sunny Puerto
Vallarta.
Whoa, whoa, wait up!
How come his is big and sharp
and all I’ve got is a little
stick with a suction cup thingy
at the end.
Time out!
Um, get my rd period
homework and drop it off at my
house?
Sure!
What a prince.
Thanks.
Gram-Gram, when you were
younger how did you know when a
boy found you attractive?
Why do you ask?
No reason.
It’s just that I’m considering
acquiring a boyfriend.
Oh, that’s so cute.
When do we get to meet him?
After everyone in the family
signs this affidavit swearing
they won’t show any pictures or
video of me taken over months
ago; describe my bathing habits,
past or present, in a
humiliating manner; or eat
pickles with their teeth out.
That last one hurt.
Where do I sign?
How can you suspend Sandra
for what she’s wearing?
Do you see what people wear to
the Oscars?
Last year, Sheila McStarlet wore
a live goat.
(Crowd cheering)
(Goat braying)
We have to have standards.
Standards?!
There’s a boy over there with a
skateboard tongue stud!
I don’t make the rules,
Julie, I only interpret them
according to my ever changing
personal whims.
Heads!
Ms. Higgs, from now on boys must
hop on one leg on Fridays.
Julie, Miss Scoddle can return
to class when she conforms to
normal attire--
or if you can tag me before I
reach the top of that filing
cabinet!
Woo hoo hoo!
(Laughing)
Guardian angel coming
through!
Let’s see, Eggert-- Eggert--
Oh, that’s right.
You’re scheduled for client
inventory.
For what?
Hold this.
Distance from underarm to light
pole metres.
Uh, what’s this for?
Love that sound.
Oh, insurance records, stock
keeping-- you understand.
Sound of client saying,
"Ahhh".
Stock keeping?
No, I don’t understa-- Ahhh!
Oh, number of paintbrush
quality hairs in left nostril:
.
No wait-- !
There was one in the back.
Thanks, that’s all we need for
today.
Stock taking.
I’m supposed to take stock of
something?
I’m supposed to buy stocks, or--
Just wanted to see if any of
the left nostril hairs wandered
over to the right.
Sorry, I’m done now.
(Sniffing)
(Moaning)
Since you’ve all signed this
legally binding document I have
an announcement.
(Clearing throat)
There’s a certain boy who I like
a lot.
His name is Rizzy Furlap and
he’s in th grade.
You have a significant
playground other?
That’s wonderful.
Would young Rizzy like to come
to dinner?
If you’ll promise not to play
any of your music or use the
words "back in the s."
Or maybe we could take Rizzo
to the fair this weekend.
Oh, he could watch me b*at up
the strong man.
Well, that’d be fun.
Izzy!
Hold it!
Rizzy Furlap?
♪
What do you know about this guy?
He’s ; what’s to know?
So that’s it?
Some quick talkin’ older man
whistles at you and all of a
sudden he’s comin’ to dinner and
goin’ to the fair and pushing a
straw through a bottle cap?
He can’t whistle.
He has a receding chin.
Oh, what’s the problem,
Pelswick?
I’m her big brother.
I’m your big brother.
How long have you known this
guy?
How come we haven’t met his
family?
Are they in jail?
I mean, what kind of future
could you have with a guy named
Rizzy Furlap?
Sure is hard cleanin’ clothes
with dirt, Rizzy.
We can’t afford no water,
woman.
Pelswick, don’t you think
you’re being a little harsh with
your sister?
No, I know what boys are
like; I’m one.
Oh well what’s that supposed
to mean?
Nothing.
Oh, I think it’s cute that
you’re so concerned about Kate.
You know, back in my day all men
were like that.
Oh, when we played croquet our
gentlemen callers, or swains as
we called them, oh, they always
gave the ladies an extra sh*t.
Oh, do over, see?
(Laughing)
It was so wonderful.
La la la la la la--
(Screaming)
Oh, holy moly, for the past
years I’ve completely forgotten
to date.
(Ringing)
Hello?
Ags, I just remembered
something.
What?
Men!
Crickey, I knew there was
something I forgot.
I thought it was to check the
expiration date on the milk.
♪
I’m gonna make up for lost
time by becoming a lean, mean
datin’ machine.
Oh, this calls for my low cut
walker.
Bring on the swains!
Then I ask a few simple
questions about the guy and they
all go berserk on me.
Nuts, right?
Has he been convicted of any of
the following kid crimes:
putting a beehive in another
kid’s sleeping bag, carving fake
molars with the intent to commit
tooth fairy fraud?
Was that unreasonable?
Was that overly controlling?
Actually, no.
But this might be.
(Beeping)
(Gasping)
She’s turning!
Alpha bravo, according to the
Low-Jill tracking device in
subject’s juice box she’s
heading south.
Run after her in your bush
costume intercepting all boys.
Right, your big nosed leader.
I couldn’t find a bush costume
so I’m a TV that fell off a
delivery truck.
But, I am on it.
Oh, as soon as I finish being
stolen.
Oh!
(Knocking)
Sandra, it’s Julie.
I’m staying out of school in
solidarity until we acknowledge
your right to dress how you
please.
What in the name of great greasy
pancakes is that?
A fire truck, silly.
It’s like a statement about how
our clothes and jobs define us.
You wore that to school?
No, this is what I wore to
gym class.
(Siren wailing)
(Honking)
Never mind.
That’s not the point.
The point is personal freedom.
The point is your right as a
student to-- to--
To what?
Like, where can we go eat that
has, like, a really wide front
door?
She’s too young; that’s just
all there is to it.
Boys are animals.
They use girls.
Hi.
I’m just shopping for a friend
who’s too busy organizing a
protest against inequality to
get her own lipstick.
Thanks.
Basically, just, you know,
they’re boys.
What can you expect?
They’re rough and crude.
They don’t care if a girl gets
hurt.
They walk all over girls and the
girls get nothing.
I wonder if Julie’d prefer "Kiss
me in the strawberry patch," or
"Luscious Mango"?
I better get ’em both.
I’d like you all to meet,
Rizzy Furlap.
Rizzy, meet my father.
Uh, hello, Mr. Eggert.
Louder!
Hello, Mr. Eggert!
Not that loud; he’s not deaf.
That’s my brother, Bobby, and my
older brother, Pelswick "The
Well Behaved or Else"!
Hi.
Hm.
(Thunder crashing)
Me steal girl.
(Growling)
Better not keep your father
waiting.
It was a delight to meet you,
Rizzy.
Don’t slouch.
We need to have a long talk;
older brother to younger
boyfriend.
Oh, well I’d love to, sir, as
soon as I’ve finished collating
Kate’s resume and organizing her
jotted down thoughts and notions
into a memoir suitable for
publication.
(Chuckling)
If he thinks he can get
around Pelswick Eggert he’s got
another thing comin’.
I hope this is thin enough.
Julie wanted it--
Sturdy but not stiff.
Thanks, you’re an angel.
So, what did you think?
(Moaning)
I’m thinking potential
husband/manager.
Tonight, he’s repainting my
fishbowl castle and tomorrow I’m
gonna make several outlandish
statements to see how well he
agrees with me.
(Chuckling)
Good night.
What am I doing?
I’m protecting my sister.
That’s like protecting the
Jurassic Park T-rex from that
chained up goat.
She doesn’t need defending; he
does!
(Doorbell ringing)
Mr. Eggert, sir?
Rizzy, I’ve been taking stock
of my life and you’re not going
to take this anymore.
Oh, I-- I’m not, sir?
We have to take a stand.
We have to put down the girls’
homework; put down the lipstick
sample colour book, the shoe
heel rounding off tool, and the
fishbowl castle paintbrush; and
say, "Enough is enough!"
Repeat after me"We’re mad as
heck and we’re not gonna take it
anymore!"
(Sniffing)
Could I repeat it later, sir?
’Cause I think I smell Kate’s
lunch brownie burning in the o--
No, Rizzy!
BOTHWe’re mad as heck and
we’re not gonna take it anymore!
GRAM-GRAMOh, I’ll take that
one.
AGNESI’ll take that big
handsome one in the corner.
They’ll be right with you,
ladies.
Woo hoo!
The great thing about dating at
our age is we don’t have to meet
their parents.
(Crashing)
MANLet go of me!
Where shall we let them take
us first?
MANIt’s euchre night.
Well, the Cherry Fair’s in
town.
MANYou’re twistin’ my
goitre.
They’re due back tomorrow by
dawn.
But sir, I just want to do
whatever Kate tells me to.
No!
That’s what you think you want.
That’s because you’ve spent a
lifetime thinking how to please
girls but they don’t respect
that.
They don’t?
You’ve gotta stop all the
degrading, humiliating stuff you
do for her.
You’ve gotta stop sharpening her
ice-skates and doing her
laundry.
Don’t you see it’s time you
stood up for yourself?
Uh, sir, could I stand up for
myself after I’ve--
No!
Stick with me, Rizzy.
I’m not gonna let you make my
mistakes all over again.
Ring the bell and win me a
prize!
(Struggling)
Oh, I’d forgotten dating was
this much fun.
(Cracking)
(Moaning)
Hey Benjamin, let’s test out
that pacemaker of yours on the
upside down ride of shaking,
screaming terror!
Sir, I apologize for
bothering you on the weekend.
Your wife said you sometimes
come here and stand outside the
cookie factory with your mouth
open.
One of these days a stray
cookie is bound to go flying
over the wall and right into my
mouth.
But, about Sandra Scoddle--
Julie, I have nothing against
fire truck outfits.
I have one just like it in
chartreuse but I don’t wear it
to school.
What is that?
You, like, like it?
It’s French.
Sorry girls, my decision
stands.
Then you leave me no other
choice but to appeal this matter
to a review session of the
school board.
Oh, how exciting.
I’ll, like, have to wear a
special outfit.
(Sighing)
Oh, a cookie!
Mm.
Big nose leader, the crooks
got bucks for me from the
pawn shop guy and he’s asking
for me now but I think you could
get him down to .
Don’t you hate it when you
get your head stuck in one that
doesn’t pop?
That’s better.
You look better with it on.
Just one more question for
the client inventoryhow many
times a month do you bathe in
melted butter?
Never.
We’ll say .
Hm.
Photograph of that little thing
in the back of your throat.
Wow, cave drawings!
Don’t erase those; they provide
valuable evidence--
Enough!
I got the hinttake stock of
your life.
I did.
And I’m helping another kid too.
And we never felt so good.
Well then you don’t need me.
I never need you.
Hi.
Hi, Kate.
Hi, Rizzy.
Hi.
Rizzy, wasn’t there something
you wanted to tell my sister?
Uh-- uh-- uh-- uh--
Don’t mumble!
Uuuhhh!
Oh, popcorn!
Say, Rizzy, doesn’t this popcorn
look bright blue to you?
Uh-- uh-- uh--
Go ahead, Rizzy.
Tell her what colour the popcorn
is.
Girls don’t like hesitant
boys, Rizzy.
It’s bright blue isn’t it.
(Gulping)
Isn’t it more of a bluish
yellow?
(Gasping)
Get out!
Huh?!
Get out and go home!
Then bring over all my stuff
you’re fixing and then get out
again!
You were right about him.
He’s a selfish, moody, heart
breaker.
Some bluish yellow popcorn?
Oh, I’d forgotten how much
fun dating could be.
We’ve had a trip to the fair,
skydived down to a boat, and now
we’re gonna have a nice fish
dinner.
Oh!
GRAM-GRAMHey Bernie, reel
it in.
The tartar sauce is gettin’
warm!
Oh!
Agh!
There’ll be other girls.
You don’t know how lucky you
are.
You could have ended up married
to her.
Oh, she was the love of my
life.
She lit a light so bright all
others will henceforth seem
pale.
And I will search in vain for
her equal.
She told you that didn’t she?
And she had me print it on a
card for my wallet.
Mr. Eggert, how come I didn’t
get the respect that you got
when you told your girl you
weren’t takin’ none o’ her sass.
I, uh, haven’t exactly had a
chance yet.
She’s at some kind of meeting.
So, ladies and gentlemen, in
summary, Sandra Scoddle’s only
crime is being an individual.
(Snoring)
If we don’t encourage
individuality--
(Gasping)
Oh, oopsie.
Sorry I’m late.
My, like, observation deck got
caught in the bus mirror.
So, go ahead.
Um, because individuality
is--
Well, it’s the thing that we--
uh-- it’s-- uh--
What are you thinking!?
Of course you can’t wear a model
of the world’s tallest
freestanding structure to gym
class!
I thought you like my wild
outfits.
No!
I think they’re idiotic.
Then why are you here in
front of the school board
defending them!?
Sandra, I’m defending your
right to express yourself by
wearing clothes that are
unpopular.
(Gasping)
I wore something, like,
unpopular?!
Didn’t you know?
(Screaming)
GRAM-GRAMBenji!
AGNESBernie!
Benji, baby!
Bernie!
Come out, come out, wherever you
are.
Oh, we lost ’em.
Oh, let’s go back to the home.
Oh, the heck with that.
Let’s go to a different home in
case they come lookin’ for us.
I will not fix Julie’s shoes.
(Struggling)
(Sighing)
Just a few more things.
How many forehead wrinkles do
you get when you sniff this?
(Screaming)
One, two, three, four, five,
six, seven; great!
Now, if you’ll just check off
yes or no to these--
No, I don’t care if it’s
time for your annual client
inventory.
This and this and this and
especially this are none of your
business.
None of your business--
Whoa.
I was mad at Kate for doin’ to
Rizzy what Julie does to me
except she doesn’t do it to me?
Is there anything at all I can
do for you?
You’re out of lipstick?
Let me buy you some.
I’m not doing anything.
Can I mend those shoes for ya?
(Screaming)
I do it to myself!
Not because she makes me, but
because it makes me feel good.
So, I’m sorry I interfered.
Rizzy seems nice and I think you
should give him a second chance.
How’s she taking it, sir?
Come on out, Rizzy.
Gum.
Let’s go play.
And bring the yellow popcorn.
Big nose leader, I faked my
way through the cartoons but I
really need to be rescued before
they watch "Funniest Pet
att*cks," over.
No cartoon animals were
harmed in the making of this
television episode.
Thank you
(Braying)
♪
02x12 - Kick Me Kate
Watch/Buy Amazon
Series is about the title character, who uses a wheelchair, emphasizing that he lived a normal life. It was based on the books created by John Callahan.
Series is about the title character, who uses a wheelchair, emphasizing that he lived a normal life. It was based on the books created by John Callahan.