01x01 - Mystery Meat

[bunniefuu]

So, danny.

You and your little friends

Want to hunt ghosts.

Uh, actually, dad,.

I want to be an astronaut.

Sorry, mr. Fenton.

I was into ghosts,

But they're so mainstream now.

They're like cell phones.

Waste these looks and all this charisma

Hunting ghosts? Criminal.

Well, if you do want to hunt ghosts,

There are a few things you need to learn.

[Gasp] oh, no.

This isn't good.

[Screaming]

True, I've never seen a ghost,

But when I do, I'll be prepared,

And so will you,

Whether you want to be or not.

[Crash]

It all starts with your equipment.

Sam, tucker, this is the fenton thermos.

It's supposed to trap ghosts.

But since it doesn't work,

And it's just a thermos,

A thermos with the word "fenton" in front of it.

[Ghosts screaming]

And that? That is the fenton portal.

It releases ghosts into our world,

Whether I want it to or not.

Someday, I'll figure out how that works, too.

Now, who wants to hunt some ghosts?

[Breathing heavily]

You kids. Look at you.

You're too excited to speak.

So I'll just go on speaking.

I was born many years ago

In a log cabin in the woods.

I don't exactly remember where, but I do know I wanted a pony.

Never got the pony.

As a matter of fact, we had to eat horsemeat

During the w*r.

I had a problem with that.

♪ He's a phantom

♪ Danny phantom, danny phantom

♪ Yo, danny fenton, he was just ♪

♪ When his parents built a very strange machine ♪

♪ Designed to view a world unseen ♪

♪ He's gonna catch 'em all 'cause he's danny phantom ♪

♪ When it didn't quite work, his folks, they just quit ♪

♪ Then danny took a look inside of it ♪

♪ There was a great big flash, everything just changed ♪

♪ His molecules got all rearranged ♪

♪ Phantom, phantom

♪ When he first woke up, he realized ♪

♪ He had snow white hair and glowing green eyes ♪

♪ He could walk through walls, disappear, and fly ♪

♪ He was much more unique than the other guys ♪

♪ It was then that he knew what he had to do ♪

♪ He had to stop all the ghosts that were coming through ♪

♪ He's here to fight for me and you ♪

♪ He's gonna catch 'em all because he's danny phantom ♪

♪ Gonna catch 'em all 'cause he's danny phantom ♪

♪ Gonna catch 'em all 'cause he's danny phantom ♪

[Munching]

[Chomp] [gasp]

Aah!

Ok, two more days and it's done.

What did you say? It's done?

The fentonfinder is done.

This baby uses satellites to lead you right to the ghosts.

It uses what to track what?

Computerized voice: welcome to the fentonfinder.

A ghost is near. Walk forward.

Ghost located. Thank you for using the fentonfinder.

What? That can't be right.

Actually, I need to tell you guys something.

That's not all you need, danny.

You need guidance,

And parents who can provide it.

Sweetie, I know what we do

Doesn't make sense sometimes,

But you're only--

. Biologically.

But psychologically, I'm an adult,

And I will not allow

You insane obsession with ghosts

To pollute the mind of this impressionable little child.

Come, you abused, unwanted wretch.

I'll drive you to school.

Huh. That's weird.

Jasmine never offers to drive danny to school.

That can only mean one thing.

That's not our daughter.

That's a ghost.

Danny, no! It's a trap!

[School bell rings]

[Students speaking indistinctly]

I think I should tell them.

Why? Parents don't listen.

Even worse, they don't understand.

Why can't they accept me for who I am?

Sam, I'm talking about my powers.

My problems.

Oh, right. Me, too.

It's been a month since the accident,

And I still barely have any control.

If somebody catches me, I go from geek to freak around here.

Kind of like what you're doing now?

Aah!

Darn it!

If my dad can invent something

That accidentally made me half-ghost,

Why can't he invent something

That turns me back to normal?

Danny, your powers make you unique.

Unique is good.

That's why I'm an ultra recyclo-vegetarian.

Which means what?

She doesn't eat anything with a face on it.

Oh, who cares about that stuff?

Danny, two words: meat connoisseur.

[Sniffs] last night,

You had sloppy joes.

Impressive.

Meat heightens the senses,

And my all-meat streak is years strong.

And it's about to end.

The school board finally agreed to try

A new cafeteria menu.

I wore them down.

Wait. What did you do?

What is this? Grass on a bun?

What have you done?

Tucker, it's time for a change.

Ooh! Somebody changed the menu!

Maybe this is a bad idea.

No, it's perfect.

When jazz gets home,

We suck the ghost out of her

With a fenton xtractor.

But what if jazz isn't a ghost?

What if we accidentally hurt her?

Maddie, the fenton xtractor doesn't hurt humans.

Unless it gets in your hair.

Aah!

See?

Don't you think this is a little extreme, sam?

Ah, miss manson.

The school board wanted me

To personally thank you

For ushering in this welcome experiment to our cafeteria.

[Sniffs] meat. Near.

[Sniffs]

No, no. The rumors about

The new all-steak buffet

In the teachers' lounge are completely untrue.

Thanks again.

Yeah. Thanks again for making us eat garbage, sam.

It's not garbage. It's recyclable organic matter.

Danny and tucker: it's garbage.

Danny and tucker: it's garbage.

[Gasp]

Uh, guys, I've got a problem. Aah!

Boy: fenton!

Make that two problems.

I ordered mud pies.

Do you know what they gave me?

Mud pies.

With mud. From the ground!

All because of your girlfriend.

She's not my girlfriend.

I'm not his girlfriend.

Uh--aah!

These are the best years of my life.

After high school, it's all downhill for me.

How am I supposed to enjoy my glory days eating mud?

Actually, it's topsoil.

Whatever!

Eat it. All of it.

Uh...

Uh...

Garbage fight!

[Cheering]

It's not garbage, it's--

You're gonna pay for this, fenton!

Great. I'm still his favorite.

Huh. Shouldn't be so bad.

She looks a little like my grandmother.

Shouldn't she be haunting a bingo hall?

Hello, children. Can you help me?

Today's lunch is meatloaf,

But I don't see the meatloaf.

Did someone change the menu?

Yeah. She did.

You changed the menu?

All: aah!

The menu has been the same for years.

[Roars]

Get behind me.

Wow. I feel safe.

I'm going ghost!

I command you to go away.

Well, if this superhero thing doesn't work out,

I can have an exciting career as a busboy.

I control lunch.

Lunch is sacred.

Lunch has rules.

Anybody want cake?

Too bad.

Children who change my menu

Do not get dessert.

Hey, it worked!

This is the thanks I get

For thinking like an individual?

[Crash]

[Sniffs]

Steak. Rib eye.

No, porterhouse. Medium rare.

But where did it come from?

Lancer.

Lancer: esteemed casper high faculty,

I present your all-steak

Buffet.

[All gasp]

Paradise lost!

Prepare to learn why meat

Is the most powerful of the food groups.

Cookie?

Then perish!

Forget it!

The only thing that has an expiration date here

Is you!

Whoops.

I didn't mean to do that.

[Roars]

Both: ooh!

Come on! Change back! We gotta go!

You two aren't going anywhere.

Told you you'd pay, fenton,

Tucker foley.

Chronic tardiness. Talking in class.

Repeated loitering by the girls' locker room.

Danny fenton.

Dropped beakers in the last month.

Banned for life from handling

All fragile school property,

But no severe mischief before today.

So, gentlemen, tell me.

Why did the two of you

Conspire to destroy the school's cafeteria?

Dash started it. He threw--

Lancer: touchdown passes in the last game.

Is thereby exempt from scorn.

You two, however, are not.

I'll map out your punishment when I return.

Mr. Baxter, watch the door.

We gotta find sam.

For some reason, I feel like I got her kidnapped.

Maybe because you told the ghost

She changed the menu?

How about that?

[Sniffs]

That steak is still in the building.

Yards, tops.

Check it out. Meat trail.

Whoa!

Gentlemen, your punishment will be--

Worse than you can imagine.

Sweet mother of mutton!

I dreamed of it, but I never thought

I'd live to see it.

How is it that I have the ghost powers

And you're the weird kid?

[Lunch lady laughs]

My dear child, meat is good for kids.

It helps them grow and makes them smile.

Why won't you eat it?

We don't need meat. That's fact.

Silence!

You need discipline, manners, respect.

You know where that comes from?

Meat!

Chicken or fish?

I'll take care of the ghost.

You just find a way to get sam out of that pile of meat.

Way ahead of you.

I'll have you free in no time, sam.

You've gotta be kidding me.

Don't you see?

This is why you need meat.

You're skin and bones.

[Roars]

Help's on the way, buddy!

[Screaming]

[Roars]

Run?

Run.

[Both screaming]

Both: whoa!

[Roars]

Gee, danny. Fighting meat monsters,

Flying through walls.

You must be exhausted.

What? Of course not.

What would give you that idea?

Mom? Dad?

Dad: now, maddie! Hit her! I'm movin' in!

[Jazz screams]get my back!

[Machine whirring]

This is all going in the memoir.

Hey, mr. And mrs. Fenton.

What a school day.

Poor danny nodded off.

We figured we'd just carry him all the way home

And tuck him into bed

Without any parental interaction whatsoever.

Don't get up. We know where to go. Bye!

Hmm.

Jack, danny is not a ghost.

You're right.

Jazz is.

Aah! Aah! Wha? What's going on?

You passed out. We took you home.

You've been asleep for days.

Days?!

Ha ha ha. Nah.

It's only been a couple hours.

Knock it off, tucker.

This is the second time today

Your carelessness almost got him k*lled.

Me? I almost got him k*lled?

The only reason this happened

Is because you had to be unique.

You had to take the meat away,

And I'm going to get it back.

You want to change that menu back?

You're going to have to go through me to do it!

Oh well. I'm sure everything will be

Back to normal by tomorrow.

Or not. Maybe it'll be worse.

[Indistinct chatter]

[Cheering]

What do we want?

All: meat!

When do we want it?

All: now!

All: veggies now! Veggies forever!

Veggies now! Veggies forever!

You guys put together protests in one night?

Meat eaters, danny.

Always ready to fight,

And our high-protein diets

Give us the energy we need to do it quickly.

Ultra recyclo-vegetarians

Are always ready to protest.

And because we don't have to waste time cooking our food,

We can move even faster.

Don't you guys think this is a little extreme?

No choice, buddy.

You're either with me,

Or you're against him.

Sam and tucker: so whose side are you on?

[Lunch lady laughs]

[Gasps]

It's lunchtime!

[All screaming]

Meat, why have you betrayed me?

Guys, time to make up. Now!

Spike, you have to open up to your parents.

Be true to yourself and them.

Tell them how you feel.

I mean, it's not like they're gonna att*ck you or anything.

Aah!

I've got her, and the fenton grappler

Is working like a charm.

I don't understand.

If jazz is a ghost,

Why isn't she phased through the net?

Because I am not a ghost!

You ambushed me,

Suffocated me with smoke,

And worse, I was pulled away from spike

Before he had his breakthrough!

What do you have to say for yourselves?

Eat hot fenton thermos, ghost gal!

Hmm. Darn thing still doesn't work.

[Roars]

He really is getting better.

I sure hope he can take a punch.

There's your water, sir.

Thanks!

I, jack fenton, from this day forward,

Do hereby turn my back on ghosts.

Lunch lady: oh, dear.

What a mess.

Are you ok?

Yeah, I think so.

Tough, because you being ok

Is not part of my balanced diet of doom.

Wasn't expecting that. Or that.

Aah!

And this thermos can't trap ghosts

Because ghosts don't exist.

The fenton thermos.

But how am I going to get it to work?

Aah!

Change back. Change back!

Thanks for the thermos!

Ha! Ghost kid! I was right!

♪ You were wrong! Ghosts exist! ♪

Ha ha ha. I never doubted for a second.

Ha ha ha ha--

No!

Soup's not on today's menu!

I'm changing the menu, permanently.

Please work.

I hope I'm right!

Nooo!

What happened?

Where's the ghost?

My parents have their moments.

Voice of fentonfinder: ghost directly ahead.

You would have to be some sort of moron

To not notice the ghost directly ahead.

Oh, sorry, dad. You just missed him.

We got a runner.

Great. Back to square one.

So you're not gonna tell 'em?

Nah.

I think I might've finally figured out

What these powers are for.

They make me--

In a world of trouble.

Manson, pick up that t-bone.

With my hands?

Foley, pick up that turfwich.

With my hands?

[Laughs]

Fenton, a little help?

Whatever you say, dash.

Whatever you say.