02x11 - Secret Weapons

[bunniefuu]

[yawning]

I can't believe we sat through all three

"Cyber Zombie Commando" movies.

I could have used a little less zombie

and a little more cyber,

but that's me--

I'm all about the cyber.

Coast is clear, Danny.

Sweet.

No sign of Jazz?

No sign of Jazz.

Good.

Ever since Jazz found out

I'm fighting ghosts, she's been kind of--

[tires squeal]

Ugh! Ugh!

Pushy!

Danny, are you okay?

Ugh!

You know you should never leave the house

without a Fenton thermos.

What if there's a ghost around?

There's no ghost around.

If there was, my ghost sense would go off.

[sighs]

Like that?

[wind blowing]

Skulker? He's hunting you again?

Again?

As in more than once?

Jazz, take it easy.

There's a rhythm to these things.

Ghost att*cks, we exchange witty banter,

I kick ghost butt,

and we all go home having learned a valuable lesson

about honesty or some such nonsense.

att*ck, banter, kick butt, lesson.

Got it.

So, why is he not attacking?

What?

No att*ck?

He's ignoring me?

♪♪

Bloodstream nanobots?

What are bloodstream nanobots?

Hey!

[groaning]

Get back here!

Yaah!

You didn't even call me whelp!

Jazz, did it ever occur to you

that Danny's been doing just fine on his own

without your help?

Exactly.

So imagine how much better he'll do with it!

You just earned a one-way ticket to thermos-land, ghost!

Waah!

[gasping]

Jazz!

Think I should work on my banter?

Start with your aim.

♪ He's a phantom

♪ Danny Phantom Danny phantom ♪

♪ Yo, Danny Phantom, he was just ♪

♪ When his parents built a very strange machine ♪

♪ It was designed to view a world unseen ♪

♪ He's gonna catch 'em all, 'cause he is Danny Phantom ♪

♪ When it didn't quite work, his folks, they just quit ♪

♪ Then Danny took a look inside of it ♪

♪ There was a great big flash, everything just changed ♪

♪ His molecules got all rearranged ♪

♪ When he first woke up, he realized ♪

♪ He had snow white hair and glowing green eyes ♪

♪ He could walk through walls, disappear, and fly ♪

♪ He was much more unique than the other guys ♪

♪ It was then that he knew what he had to do ♪

♪ He had to stop all the ghosts that were comin' through ♪

♪ He's here to fight for me and you ♪

♪ He's gonna catch 'em all, 'cause he's Danny Phantom ♪

♪ He's gonna catch 'em all, 'cause he's Danny Phantom ♪

♪ Gonna catch 'em all, 'cause he's Danny Phantom ♪

♪ He's phantom

♪ Danny Phantom

[laughs]

It's not funny, Tucker!

Come on!

Six hours crammed in the Fenton thermos?

It's totally funny.

Yeah?

[grunts]He did it.

Ah!

[Tucker] Oh, come on!

Is it funny now?

I know you're annoyed, Danny,

but look on the bright side.

[click]

Maybe that's the kind of mistake

that'll get Jazz to stop interfering.

[Tucker] Darn it!

Guess what I figured out?

I've done painstaking research on last night's mystery ghost.

Uh, you mean Skulker?

Let's just call him Ghost-X.

And based on my research,

I would characterize him as a hunter of some sort.

Oh, she's good.

We didn't figure that out until he screamed,

"I am the Ghost Zone's greatest hunter!"

Aah!

Here's my composite sketch of Ghost-X.

[cracking]

And I took the liberty of crafting, I must say,

some funny witty banter

for your next encounter with him.

Bye!

"See you later, X"?

"X marks the spot"?

"You've been X-ed"?

None of these are funny!

And nothing's funnier

than her sucking you into the thermos.

You can't follow

broad physical comedy like that with a one-liner.

Ah!

Aah!

But if Jazz thinks I'm letting her help,

maybe she'll stop interfering as much.

Worth a sh*t?

Worth a sh*t.

[Tucker] Nobody's coming to get me, are they?

Feast on my hot links of doom!

Okay, Jazz, now!

Stand back. I'm trained in this thing.

Trained by her dad!

Wait. Witty banter!

Take that, lunch-a-belle, and your evil wieners, too!

[thud]

[crying]

Won't anyone be my friend?

You're going up to him with the anti-creep stick?

I know what I'm doing, Danny.

Give me your worst, friendly fiend.

You haven't got the guts.

Huh? Guts?

Uh, yeah.

See, the guts joke

would've been better in the last fight.

[inhaling]

Whoa, whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Aah!

Daddy!

I'm helping!

Freeze!

Once again, right idea, wrong fight!

I've got him!

I got the Creep Creep.

Creep Creep?

I am the Box Ghost!

Who are you?

No, seriously. Who is she?

Whoa.

Whoops.

Don't worry, Danny. We'll get you out of there...

Eventually.

That was a good night's work, Danny.

We caught three ghosts.

No, actually you caught one ghost three times--

All of them me!

Look, Jazz, I know you're trying to help--

Trying?

And please don't be offended, but--

Danny, check this out.

Your mother and I have souped-up the RV with an ecto converter.

Ecto converter?

It converts a ghost's natural ecto energy

into a constantly replenishing fuel source.

Does it hurt the ghost?

Oh, Jazz!

You know your father and I don't care about that.

Yeah, if we hear it screaming, then we know it's working.

Too bad there's no ghosts here.

Right, Danny?

No ghosts here.

♪ We know something they don't know ♪

♪ I get it

♪ Can we let it die now?

[humming]

Aah!

[engine starting]

[screaming]

You really need to work on controlling your powers.

[snoring]

[Danny] And here I thought you weren't hunting me anymore.

Where is the ecto converter?

See? That's more like it.

You make demands, I ignore them.

Talk! Where is it?

Ecto converter...

Ecto converter... Hmm. Let me think.

Ah. Oh, here it is--

In my hand!

[Skulker] Aah!

[Danny] Aah!

Danny?

What do you want with an ecto converter anyway?

Or those nanobots you stole from Axiom Lab?

Aah!

I ask the questions, and since you won't talk,

I'll just have to b*at the answer out of you.

Where is it?

That's right, ghost. You better watch out.

This baby's juiced up by the ecto converter.

I like your new helper.

Jazz... ugh!

Stay away from Skulker.

You worry about Skulker. I'm going after Ghost-X.

[sighs]

Aah!

Danny, are you all right?

No, no. Here.

Let me save you the trouble.

Aah!

[Tucker] You want us to say something to her?

I'm perfectly capable of talking to my own sister.

Which is why you're hiding from her in a broom closet?

Am not!

[Jazz] Danny? You in there?

Hide me!

Cool secret meeting place.

So, I pieced it all together.

Ghost-X is clearly using the technology

he stole to build some kind of super w*apon.

So, I've compiled a list of his known associates.

Wait. Where'd you get this?

From your computer.

You hacked into my private ghost files?

How'd you get the password?

[All] It's "Paulina Fenton."

Seriously, Danny.

It's not that hard to figure out.

How come you never told me Vlad Masters has ghost powers?

And he has a thing for mom?

Because it's none of your business!

If you don't mind, we'll be over there

doing the "glad I'm an only child" dance.

Danny, calm down.

Calm down?

How can I calm down with you

constantly butting your nose in where it doesn't belong?

I was just trying to help.

[Danny] Nobody asked you to help!

You're a lousy ghost hunter, an overbearing sister,

and an annoying, obnoxious know-it-all with no respect

for her brother's privacy, so stop helping!

[gasping]

[crying]

[snoring]

Danny, have you seen Jazz?

Huh?

Jazz?

I haven't seen her since yesterday. Why?

Neither have we. We can't find her anywhere.

She's gone!

If I've told you once, I told you , times

I will not be your friend!

[doorbell ringing][crying]

Oh, what now?

[doorbell ringing]

Oh, uncle Vlad, I've run away from home.

My father's an idiot, my brother hates me,

and I want to live with you.

[crying]

Wait, what was that?

I've run away from home?

No, no. After that.

My brother hates me?

No. In the middle.

My father's an idiot?

That's the one!

Come to uncle Vlad!

It's not like Jazz to just take off

without saying anything.

I know.

She usually talks and talks and talks.

Big words I can barely understand.

Danny, can you think of any reason she might be upset?

Or why she might have taken the specter speeder?

She's after Skulker.

[Both] What was that?

Uh... I mean...

I'm so upset about her leaving, I'm going to skulk... er.

Gotta go!

I told her she was a lousy ghost hunter,

so of course she decided to prove me wrong

and hunt Skulker.

But if anything happens to her...

Now it's my fault.

[ring]

area code.

Hey, that's Wisconsin! It's Vladdie!

[Jazz] Mom, dad?

Hello, Jazz?

Jazz, honey, are you all right?

Why are you in Wisconsin?

[sniffling] I'm fine.

I just can't be around Danny right now,

so I'm staying with uncle Vlad.

[Maddie] What?

Oh, think nothing of it, Maddie.

She just needs to,

as the young folks say, chill in.

Out?

It's chill out.

Really?

That--that can't be right.

Absolutely--

Absolutely? Oh, fantastic!

I'll look after her as if she were my own.

Ta!

What a great guy.

Good luck finding friends like that, huh?

I'm sure she'll be fine.

Oh, I suppose.

In the meantime,

Danny's busy skulking, Jazz is safe in Wisconsin,

and we have the house to ourselves.

I'll get the checker board!

Well, that's that for now.

I'll send for the rest of your things

as soon as the lawyer draws up the adoption papers.

[evil laugh]

That's right. Keep laughing.

We'll see who laughs last.

Ooh, that's good! My witty banter is improving.

Excellent. All my tasks completed.

Yah!

Where is she?

What are you talking about, whelp?

Which of you fools stole my-- Aah!

Hey, you're helping, too.

That's odd.

No witty banter?

Not in the mood.

All I want to know is what you've done with Jazz!

I've done nothing with your sister, ghost child.

Skulker hunts what he hunts. Nothing more, nothing less,

which is why I'm bringing this to my lawyer.

Aah!

You will be a gift.

Aha! Hoo, ha, ho!

So, what do we have in here about nanobots

and an ecto converter?

Oh, gross! I will never be able to unsee this!

[gasps]

Jasmine?

What are you doing in my private study?

Private?

Why would you have a private study

from someone you consider a daughter?

Huh!

Ooh, and you were such a looker in college.

I wonder why this never happened?

Ah, Jazz, you sweet, perceptive child.

Oh, come give your uncle Vlad a hug.

Keep hugging.

We'll see who hugs last.

What?

Nothing.

Hoo, ha!

[gasps]

Dad's ectoskeleton?

The ecto converter?

And the bloodstream nanobots?

I was right!

He is building a super w*apon.

♪ I'm right! Uh-huh!

♪ That's right! I'm right! ♪

♪ It's my birthday!

Uh-huh!

And what, exactly, were you right about, Jasmine?

Um... how cool a dad you'll be.

Uh-huh.

And you just happened to figure this out here,

in my secret lab?

Which is much cooler than anything my dad

could ever hope to build.

Yes, it is. Isn't it? Uh-huh.

Well, perhaps I'm being a bit harsh.

After all, I have no reason to suspect you of any deception.

And now I do.

Sorry to interrupt.

I brought you the final piece of your super w*apon.

This one's on the house.

Jazz?

Danny?

[Both] What are you doing here?

You two know each other?

Yes.No!

No.Yes!

[Both] Sort of.

Ah, I'm torn.

I love the idea that you've left your father for me.

Yet I'm suspicious of your motives now.

Only one thing to do, I guess.

Let us both go and let the courts figure it out?

Oh, close.

Uncle Vad, is this necessary?

Why, Jasmine,

you didn't expect me to take you in as my own

without first testing your loyalty.

I've improved Jack's ectoskeleton

using the lightning rod

and ecto converter as an endless power source.

Meanwhile, the nanobots

will control your breathing and heart rate.

So, the suit won't waste me?

No, so I can if you betray me!

But that needn't happen as long as you behave

like a good little adopted daughter-to-be.

Let her go, Vlad.

She's clearly just some clueless know-it-all

who got in way over her head.

You're toast.

[Danny] Oh, yeah? You and what toaster?

And that's my cue.

Ooh! Aah!

Okay, on my signal, run.

You're not the boss of me. I'll run when I feel like it.

Fine!

Fine!

[screaming]

I fixed the ghost shield, too. It works on ghosts and humans.

You kids have fun.

We're gonna have to fight,

but we're gonna need to make it look convincing.

[groaning]

That's for humiliating me in front of the entire school.

Okay. I deserved that, and I'm sorry.

You were just trying to help, but please, just follow my lead.

Aah!

Aah!

[grunting]

Will you listen to me for once in your life?

Duh. I am listening to you.

You told me to make it convincing.

Aah!

Jazz, no!

Don't! Please!

Aah!

Danny?

Oh, no. What have I done? Can you ever forgive me?

Of course I forgive you, Jasmine,

now that you've proven your loyalty.

Guess again, fruit loop.

[Vlad] Aah!

Oh, so that's how it's going to be, eh?

Have you forgotten that with the press of a button,

I can end your resistance once and for--

Oh, cheese logs.

Aah!

You--you--you tricked me!

Both of you!

Barely.

"Oh, no. What have I done?"

What was that?

"Jazz, no! Don't! Please!"

[laughing]

Oh, you think you know everything, hmm?

Tell me, girl, did you expect this?

Ha ha!

Surprised?

[Robot voice] Self-destruct initiated.

Activating in five, four, three, two, one.

Oh, butternuts!

[boom]

[Jazz] I messed up, didn't I?

Actually, I messed up.

I was so busy being angry at you,

I couldn't see that you really can help.

But just because I can doesn't mean I should.

Ghost fighting's your thing, Danny.

I'll always be there for you, just in different ways.

Consider yourself a reserve member of Team Phantom.

Don't you still need to go and fight Ghost-X?

I mean, Skulker?

I can totally cover for you.

Nah, I'd rather ride home with my big sister,

if that's okay.

Besides, I'm sure mom and dad are enjoying their alone time.

Ha! King me!

Nobody likes a sore loser, Jacky!

♪ I won I won ♪

♪ That's right

♪ It's my birthday

♪♪