01x15 - Bat Flap Fever/Thumb and Thumber

[bunniefuu]

[GHOSTLY VOCALIZING]

[RAP b*at PLAYING]

[HARD ROCK PLAYING]

[SCREAMING]

[BATS SQUEAKING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[VOCALIZING]

CARRIER BAT:
Special delivery for Mavis!

Thanks!

It's from my dad!

Oh!
Nice.

Any snacks?

DRACULA:
My dearest Mavis,

"wazzup?"
[SIGHS]

"Just wanted to tell you
I finally signed

"a monster endorsement deal
like my buddy Frankenstein
is always doing!"

[CRACKLING]

Falling limbs got you down?

Then try Frank-n-Stick!

Frank-n-Stick!
From the makers
of Frank-N-Gum!

The trick of course...

Is to not mix them up.

♪ Frank-n-Stick

DRACULA:
"So now, I have
a cool product!

"And since you're
the coolest vampire
I know,

"I told them
to name it after you!

"Cool, right?"

Argh!

Stop saying cool.
Stop saying cool.
Stop saying cool.

DRACULA:
"Everybody says cool.

"I'm sending over
the prototype right now!

"So get ready
for The Mavey-Waveys!"

[SQUEALING AND PANTING]

Wow, your dad went all out!

The Mavey-Waveys are awesome!

Uh, those are
packing worms, Wendy.

Huh? This is what he sent me?

Wow.

Those are the "cool"
Mavey-Waveys?

[ECHOES] Super...

Cool.

[LAUGHING]

Ugly wings that don't
even help you fly?

"Mavey-Lameys"
more like it. What!

What? You call this lame?

Well, they are wave-y.

Right? And I'm Mavey.

That's called truth
in advertising,
my friends.

[GRUNTS] Uh...

Whoa! Nice fit. Sort of.

You guys have no idea
what's fashionable

on the t*rture racks
in Tombstone, okay?

I look good wearing them,
so will other monsters.

That's what matters.
See, they're kind of...

[GRUNTS]
[ALL GASP]

Cool.

Super cool.

[NERVOUS CHUCKLE] Uh,
these wings are a little
heavier than I thought.

[GRUNTING]

[THUDDING]

And wider than
I thought! Sorry.

[DIANE CLUCKING]

Aunt Lydia,
check out my dad's
new product!

The Mavey-Wavey.

[DIANE CLUCKING]
I agree.
She's never looked better.

[LAUGHS]
[DIANE CLUCKING]

I don't care what anyone says,
I'm gonna rock these wings!

[THUDDING]
Sorry.

[STUTTERS] Sorry!

Nobody makes
a double Scum Burger
like Roadkill Burgers!

[IN SING-SONG VOICE]
I've been waiting
all night for this!

[GRUNTING]

[MAVIS CHOMPING]

Mmm. You can
really taste the mildew.

[CHOMPING]

Oh, come on, man,
that's my shake!

[GASPS]
Oops. Sorry!

My onion ears!

Oh, oops.

My Hank ears!
[GASPS]

[SCOFFS] Found it!

[NERVOUS GIGGLING]

[GLASS SHATTERING]

[SHATTERING]
[GRUNTING]

[GRUNTING]

What do you guys know
about what's hip?

Okay, pretty good
comedic timing, but still.

[GRUNTING]

Whoa! [GRUNTS]

[GROANS]

These wings aren't cool.
[GRUNTS]

They'll never be cool.

They are the exact opposite
of cool, whatever that is!

Bad riddance!

[SIGHS]

My winged nightmare
is finally over!

Downward Donald.

Om... [GASPS]

[LAUGHING]

Wishes do come true!

Now these are cool.

[ECHOES] Super...

Cool!

Without those goofy wings,
everything is back to normal.

[ALL SCREAMING]
Uh-oh, what's going on?

Mavis!

Everyone has been ordered
to stay in their rooms!

I'll miss you!

[GRUNTING]

I have to go
who-where-now?

MAVIS: [GASPS] Dad?

Mavis! Are you okay?

I was so worried.

[STUTTERS] I'm fine.
What are you doing here?

I'm using the Vampire Council
Emergency Crystal Ball
because...

Ah! Humans have crossed
the un-crossable line!

They've offended us
like never before!

Observe.

The human must have broken
into the hotel

during the middle of the day
when we were sleeping

and stole them!

It's the only explanation.

[GULPS] Yes,
the only explanation.

Hmm. It doesn't feel right.

Why would humans want
to take those wings?

Yes, they really
are quite hideous.

In a bad way.

Truthfully, I'm glad
they're gone.

We cannot stand
for human trespassers!

Don't you see?

They want to get inside our
brains to know how we think.

But they will not
get my brains, no!

We must get those wings back
before it is too late!

We can't just rush over
and att*ck them.

We need to be sure.

MAVIS: [GULPING]
I gotta stop this.

But if I come clean,
I'll disappoint my dad.

Or...

I'll just go get
the wings back

and all this will be over!

They'll probably
even call me a hero!

It's the perfect plan!

Yes!

That wasn't weird.

UNCLE GENE: Fly in.

Fly in slow.

Easy.

Okay, I'm within range.

Good.

Now we'll get
the real scoop.

Commencing audio transmission.

And then the majestic dragon
swooped down from the sky

and blew fire!

[HISSING]

Roasting all the hot dogs
and saving the picnic.

Yay!

You see?

The humans want
to use the wings to
att*ck us from the sky

with fire.

And then eat us!

Uh. I'm not sure he really
said that, Qua...

He was obviously
talking in code!

What else could he mean?

We must prepare an att*ck!

I agree.

Return the drone to base!

[RUSTLING]

Okay, Waveys, come to Mavey.

WOMAN: Donald!

Well, hello!
[LAUGHING]

What do you think
you're doing?

Not good.
Definitely, not good!

Ooh!

Why are you
and our daughter
dressed as monsters?

Aw, she's trying to
be like Daddy. How cute!

What did I say about
encouraging monster behavior!

Something, something,

something, something.

[SIGHS]

I gotta get outta here.

Careful! Hey, let go of me!

Whee!
Hon, it's just
a harmless costume.

It's like that play
about the girl and
the thing in the place.

Whee!

No. Stop. You, stop.

Stop, stop! This is not fun!
Hey, careful!

That's how it starts,

then the next thing you know,
she'll have a spiked tail

and be dropping from the sky!

[BABY LAUGHING]
Holy rabies!

My baby!

Phew.

Looks like
it's officially bedtime!

I am not happy!

[SIGHING] There
goes the wings.

[GROANING]

Now, there's only
one thing to do. [GULPS]

Monsters!
We cannot stand idly by

as humans plot to destroy us!

This is the moment in history

that monsters
will never forget!
[SNORING]

[SIGHING]

Mavis! What are you...

[WHISPERING]
This is really hard,

but this was kinda my fault.
I'm, I'm sorry.

And I really, really tried
to like them

but they were just
so ridiculous.

So, I kind of maybe, sort of,
um, thrown them out
the window.

[GASPING]
I'm so, so, so, so, so sorry!

AUNT LYDIA:
We must be strong,

resolute.

We must not
bend or turn back...

DRACULA: Okay, okay,
let's back it up a bit.

Okay, everyone,
can I just say a few words?

So, I've been thinking,

we really don't need
to att*ck the humans.

And, uh, the wings
are, what?

Are you kidding me?
Right here!

Well... I just... I must have
misplaced them when I came in.

You're just making
hand shadow on the wall

that looks like wings.

Exactly.

I've got the wings
so we don't need
to do any attacking, or, uh...

We were all ready
to go to w*r,

Mavis said something,

and now you don't want to!

What did she say?

She was, uh, just saying
how Dracula is the super
coolest monster around!

Right, Mavey Wavey?

Yep. You are super cool.

I'm sorry, it must be, uh,
the way the room is set up,

bad reception over here.

Could you say it a little
louder this time?

[GROANS] My dad
is super cool.

[ECHOING] Super cool.

Okay, great. I like that.

Hope you all heard that.

Lockdown is over!
Have a bad night!

You never want to go
to w*r with the humans!

Remember, when one ate my
Butterscream birthday cake

and you said to forgive them.

Actually, I've been
meaning to tell you.

I ate it.

Yes. Me. Sorry.

If it's any consolation,
though, it tasted great.

[SCREAMING]

QUASIMODO: En garde!

w*r!

Uh. No w*r?

Oh, c'est bon.

DRACULA: Mavey, I'm sorry
for pressuring you
to wear those wings.

Perhaps they were a bit much!

And I'm sorry for
almost starting a w*r

'cause I couldn't
tell you the truth about
those ugly, awkward,

uncomfortable, ugly again...

Okay, I... I get it!

Honeyguts, never forget
that we can always
talk to each other

about anything,
no matter what.

[CHUCKLING] Yeah, I know.

That's what makes
you super cool!

I'm glad you think that

because there might be
another Mavey-Wavey product

coming out really soon.
Okay, bye! Love you!

Wait, what?

"The Mavey Savey?"

It makes swimming pool
safety cool.

[ECHOES] Super cool.

[LAUGHING]

[GROANING] Thanks, Dad.

[BATS SQUEAKING]

[WOLF HOWLING]

PEDRO: Nice.

You playing pin the stake
on the vampire again?

Wait. You play that?

Never.
Definitely, not.

'Course.

This is my body part
family tree!

You guys know all
about your history,

I wanna know where
my parts are from.

Whoa!

You're part Werewolf?

HANK: Yep.
My right-elbow part!

My nose is from a Swamp Thing,

and my kidneys are
from an invisible.

I mean, I hope.

Cool. Where's this from?
HANK: The mail.

I couldn't figure out where
my left thumb came from,

so I sent away for
a home DNA test,

but I'm too nervous
to open it.

Your thumb's
from a troll, dude. 100%.

Uh-uh. Chupacabra.
No doubt.

I can't take the suspense.
Open it!

What is it? How bad?

Ow. Really bad. Paper cut.

[ALL GASPING]

Drumroll, please.

My thumb is...

Eh, um, vampire?

"From a member
of the Dracula clan

"dating back
thousands of years!"

Holy rabies!

We're related?

Dude, you're part Dracula!

Whoa, cool!

Totally see the resemblance.

Aren't you gonna eat?

Second breakfast
is the fourth most
important meal of the day.

Uh, I'm part vampire,
remember?

Don't need to eat.

Well, I think Mavis
would disagree.

[GROWLING]

[SLURPING]

Vampires do need to eat, Hank.

And, it's your thumb

with a little cape on it.

I know. Look how
good he looks.

AUNT LYDIA: What is
this abhorrent nonsense I hear

about Hank Stein
being part Dracula?

I should put you in stocks
for just suggesting
such a thing.

The certificate.

Mmm-hmm.

[CLUCKING]

Pretty neat, huh?

Oh!

Oh! I would bet my afterlife

this thumb belonged
to the late, great

Lycidias Dracula.

The last of the truly
horrifying Draculas.

His depravity made us
a household name.

He was so feared,
his cows milked themselves

at the mere mention of him.

MAN:
[WHISPERS] Lycidias.

[COWS MOOING]

PEDRO: Wow, dude.

That is some lazy farming.

Lycidias wasn't a farmer!

He was my mentor.

He taught me the fine art
of maniacal laughter.

[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]

Lycidias was an insidious
creature of the night.

Who had cows.

It was 3,000 years ago,

everyone had cows!

I did not know that!

Mavis, you will train
your new cousin

in the ways of the vampire.

Until next time,
thumb of Lycidias.

Did you hear that?

I guess your Aunt Lydia
is my Aunt Lydia, too!

Ooh! We're officially
blood relatives!

Oh, shh!

Don't mention blood
or my thumb might get hungry.

[SNIFFING]

Don't look at me.
I'm made of pure joy.

There are several
rules of thumb
for being a vampire.

First, we don't drink
blood anymore. Uh-uh.

Vampires drink "I Can't
Believe It's Not Hemoglobin."

It looks, tastes
and stains just like
the real thing!

O-negative, now sold in
a scab-free spray bottle!

Um, who are you talking to?

One day, an invisible talent
scout is gonna be watching,

and I'll be ready!

There's so much
I can learn from you, Mavis.

I might need that scab-free
spray bottle.

MAVIS: Lesson two.

If you're gonna be a Dracula,

you gotta sound
like a Dracula.

Ready? Bleh-bleh-bleh!

Bleh-bleh-bleh!

I don't say
"bleh-bleh-bleh!"

Thirdly, you've gotta bat out.

Close your eyes,
think flappy thoughts, and...

Ahhh!

How do you steer it?

Whoa!

[CLATTERING]

Okay. Sorry!

Ow!

[SCREECHES]

MAVIS: [LAUGHING] Awesome!

There's just one last thing

you need to be able
to do as a vampire.

[GROANING]

Learn to rejuvenate.

Oh. That I can do.

[SNORING]

[GASPING]

Do you always nap
with the Queen of Darkness
watching over you?

It is time for
the Dracula Family
meeting to commence.

Hank, you nap.
I'll be right bat.

AUNT LYDIA: Nonsense!

Lycidias' thumb
will be our guest of honor.

[GRUNTING]

[LAUGHS]

Wow. Aunt Lydia just
smiled at you. Kind of.

And disappeared into
a cloud of smoke.

Can you teach me to do that?

[FARTING]

[COUGHING] Never mind.

Ew. Stop!

Now, to the matter at hand.

See what I did there?

The addition of a new portrait
to the Hall of Draculas.

[CLAPPING]

Yes! I've been waiting
since forever

to get my portrait
in the Hall of Draculas!

Zombie Michelangelo
will of course do the honors.

Michael!

I present to you
the Thumb of Lycidias.

Hank's thumb
is getting a portrait?

I don't even
have a portrait
in the Hall of Draculas,

and I am a Dracula!

Yes, well, so is the thumb,
and it's much older than you.

Aw, yeah!

But it's just a thumb!

All thumbs are good for
is hitchhiking,

and giving the thumbs up,

and having a thumb w*r.

Okay, okay, fine, we need
thumbs, whatever, but still!

This is so unfair!

Save your indignance for when
the thumb is to be coronated

with a royal portrait raising.

Oh. You're right.

That's a much better thing
to freak out over...

What? [THUDDING]

A royal portrait raising's for
the most revered of Draculas!

You have to be


Lycidias' thumb is revered,

and over 2,000 years old.

But it's just a thumb!

That is a lovely cape,
Lycidias.

THUMB: Thank you.

[GRUNTING]
Uh, luggage over there!

Uh, you missed a spot!

Being declared a Dracula
has completely gone
to Hank's head.

I mean, thumb.
It's driving me batty!

HANK: Welcome to
Hotel Transylvania!

Did you know
that my left thumb
is a Dracula?

Yeah, it may run
this place one day!

Excellent work, Mr. Stein.

Nothing to thumb
your nose at. Hmm.

MAVIS: Excellent work?

Did she just wink,
and make a joke?

A bad one, yeah, but a joke?

Aunt Lydia is fawning
all over Hank,

and his thumb
is getting everything

I've been working so hard for.

The portrait, the hotel,
her respect!

I've got to do something.

You could reorganize
my shoe collection!

Oh. I have no feet.

How about you sneak in
while Hank is sleeping,

take his thumb,

and have Zombie Da Vinci
build you a flying machine.

No, a time machine!

Oh, okay, yeah, fine.
A time machine.

WENDY: But first, have him
design an impenetrable box.

PEDRO: Okay, a box.

Put the thumb
in the impenetrable box.

WENDY: And time travel
all the way back...

To Ancient Egypt.

And say hi to my man King Tut!

Uh, you mean the King Tut
who could mummify Hank's thumb

only to have it show up
back here?

Right. No good. Okay.

You should travel back
to the age of the dinosaurs?

WENDY: Yes. The dinosaurs!

Feed it to a T-Rex,

but do it quickly,
when you get back

I really wanna have
a glitter b*mb dance party!

♪ Glitter b*mb,
b*mb, b*mb, b*mb, b*mb ♪

So?
I didn't hear a word
you guys said.

Come on!

Is that a no
to the glitter b*mb?

[FANFARE PLAYING]
[GASPING]

It's time for
the royal portrait raising!

AUNT LYDIA: Mavis.

A-blood-dumping
we shall go.

A blood dumping
we shall, what?

It means, you've been accepted
into the realm of the undead

for all of eternity.

As they raise your portrait,
by tradition,

a bucket of blood
is dumped on your head.

Lucky!

BOTH: Ugh.

Well, technically
it's not blood. It's...

"I Can't Believe
It's Not Hemoglobin!"

This can't be happening
to Hank's thumb

before it happens to me!

I know what'll
cheer you up.

♪ How about a glitter b*mb
Dance party

♪ Do the running blob
Here we go

♪ b*mb, b*mb, b*mb, b*mb

♪ Do the running blob
It's a b*mb ♪

Maybe you're on
to something, Wendy.

[SNORING]

HANK: I didn't think
I'd be so nervous.

Ah, c'mon, you've got this.
You're a Dracula now.

How did you two sneak
into the Vampire Catacombs?

Connections, baby!
What's up?

Glitter. That's what's up.
Literally.

I took your advice.
I'm getting rid of the thumb.

Instead of bathing Hank
in "I Can't Believe
It's Not Hemoglobin,"

that bucket is filled
with glitter, rose petals,

and rainbow streamers.

All you're missing
is the unicorn. [LAUGHS]

Hank's thumb
will look the opposite

of what a Dracula
should look like,

then Aunt Lydia
will think twice

about fawning
all over him so much!

Tell my thumb to break a leg!

Aw. Look at
how excited he is.

Yeah, and trusting.

AUNT LYDIA: I call upon you,

the current thumb
of Hank N. Stein,

and the former thumb of
the great Lycidias Dracula,

to be immortalized
in the Hall of Draculas!

[SNORING]

HANK: Mavis, Mavis!

Will you stand with me?

What was I thinking?
I can't do this to Hank!

[SCREAMING]

[PANTING]

[GRUNTS]

Whoa!
[SCREAMS]

[CLUCKING]

Ahhh!

The glitter!

[SCREAMING]

So beautiful.

I feel so... so...

[SOBBING] Cute.

AUNT LYDIA: Mavis!
[GASPS]

Unfathomable that
you and I descend
from the same gene pool.

Ugh!

[GASPS] My what?

Wow. Thanks, Mavis.

You took that glitter
bath for me?

I'm sorry, Hank.
This was all my fault.

I'm happy for you
and your thumb.

Best cousins forever?

Best cousins forever.

UNCLE GENE: Hey!

My big toe!

I've been looking
for that thing
for 1,000 years!

[GASPING]

[KIDS GROANING]

HANK: So now what do
I do for a thumb?

Okay, can I just say,
it's hilarious

that there's
a portrait of a big toe
in the Hall of Draculas.

I can't believe
I'm not a Dracula.

I can't believe,
I ever thought you were one.

[DIANE CLUCKING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[VOCALIZING]