02x03 - The Ballad of Brunchington Beach

[bunniefuu]

[snoring]

[squeals]

[squawking]

I forgot what the signals mean;
is that "danger" or "no danger"?

[gasps]

[laughs nervously]

Just, come on.

[squeals, panting]

All right, everyone.
Operation: Find My Parents' Old Burrow.

Where do we find it?
How do we find it?

Where even are we right now?
These are all questions I have.

Yeah.
How do we find a burrow so secret

not even the all-seeing goats
know where it is?

Oh, oh, oh, oh!
I know who could help us.

She's a dangerous mute with short arms
and even a shorter fuse,

but she knows every secret in the city.
Cappuccino.

Ooh, where can we find her?

She runs a restaurant
called Brunchington Beach.

- Best brunch in the city!
- What's a brunch?

It's breakfast and lunch,
combined into one single meal.

Mm, kind of a rip off if you ask me.

Only thing is, you gotta follow
Cappuccino's three rules.

One: everybody pays their own bill.

Two: bills are paid with information.

If you wanna trade,
you better have something juicy. Or else.

Let's go!

You said there were three rules.

Uh, the third rule is probably
something like, "wash your hands."

I don't remember.
It'll be fine. Come on.

Uh, guys,
I know he's my best friend and all,

but following a Dave plan
usually gets pretty weird.

Hey!
I would die for everyone here.

And I have.
Many, many times.

So, if no one else has a better idea...

[sighs]
This is definitely gonna get weird.

You just figured out
how to put your paws away.

You sure you're ready for this?

No.
But what other option do we have?

Plus, I'm really, really hungry.

- [gasps]
- [squawking]

[Benson] I'm getting weird vibes, Dave.
You sure this place is safe?

Like 80 percent sure... [chuckles]
Sometimes 70.

I mean, like, right at this moment,
maybe 60, but it can go back up.

But right now we at 45.

[male voice] Kipo!
♪ Kipo! ♪

[gasps]

♪ Listen where I am
Everyone listen where I am ♪

Is someone singing for me?

[panting]

♪ You're down here
I need you to be ♪

♪ Here for Kipo! ♪

Kipo!
[clears throat]

Everyone stop!

Billions, you're dragging.
And you missed your costume change.

Honestly, it's like we haven't been
rehearsing for the past three days!

[whispering]
Wait. Is that me?

Uh, if that's you, then is that thing
supposed to be me?

And Benjamin... [sighs]

your character is... [panting]
afraid!

And I know you're wearing a mask,
but show some emotion!

And where is that pig puppet?

[squeals]

I know we're short-handed,

but this is the biggest show
of our careers,

and most importantly, mine!

[sighs] So, let's pick it up from where
Kipo and her humans

- att*ck those defenseless Wolves!
- Hey! That is so not what happened!

[gasps]

By Thespis, thou art her!

[all] The real Kipo!

Otters in costumes?!

- Who are you?
- You see, that's how you spin the staff.

I am Puck,

and this is my humble troupe
of traveling bards, the TheaOtters!

Uh, sorry, did you say "the otters"?

No, the TheaOtters!
As in "thea-ah-tre"?

- Why are you dressed like us?
- So, who is he supposed to be?! Huh?

Ah, that's Benjamin.

Kipo's cowardly friend in
The Ballad of Newton Wolf Bluff.

What?!
OK, first off: It's Benson.

- And, second:
- [Kipo] It's all lies!

The Newton Wolves att*cked us.

You have to change the story,
it's wrong!

Especially the Benjamin part!

But mutes love a human villain.
[chuckles]

We simply tell the people
what they want to hear.

Which is why we've been invited
to perform at Brunchington Beach.

That's right, Brunch theatre.
The big time!

Ooh!
That's where we're heading!

We can walk together,
and I can tell you what really happened.

[laughing]

Wait. You're serious?
Have you lost your minds?

- You know Cappuccino's rules, don't you?
- We know the first two.

[Dave laughs nervously]

Rule the third:

"No humans allowed by penalty
of a most gruesome death."

[agreement noises]

That was rule number three.
Cappuccino hates humans!

If she sees one in her restaurant,
she feeds them to her pet!

Yeah, we definitely shouldn't go there.

[all] Dave!

Honestly, it's kinda on you
for trusting me.

But without Cappuccino,
we'll never find the burrow.

[bell ringing]

Oh, wicked Fortuna!

Only five minutes until curtain!
Uh, good day, real Kipo.

Benjamin, Wolf Girl, Bug, Piggy;

Everyone, everyone,
everyone grab something. Everyone get it.

I cannot believe Jane and Garrett
dropped out last minute.

- This is why we have contracts!
- I have an idea.

[hip-hop music plays]

[groans]

[panting]

[sniffs] Whoa.

Yeah!

[laughing]

[Benson]
Is that a deconstructed eggs Benedict

and Belgian waffles
with a raspberry reduction?!

- Brunch... is... heaven.
- Told ya.

Those mutes are eating enough food
to last a week.

This place doesn't make any sense.

That's 'cause they're eating for fun.

I thought you said
this place was dangerous!

It's delightful!
[gasps] Look! Bendy straws!

It tis dangerous!

If anyone finds out you're human,
you'll be fish food.

I'm only doing this
because we're short a few actors.

So, do not go off-book and do not
get caught, or we're all in trouble.

[Kipo] Right. Focus.
Psst, Dave, which one is Cappuccino?

- Oh! There she is!
- Hm.

- [Dave] The one scowling at us.
- [chuckles]

The one cracking her knuckles
and walking over here.

The one arresting me?
Hey! Get off!

[Wolf] What's going on?

Dave the Bug.

Bold move to show your face around here.

What's it been, ten years since
you scarfed down three soft-boiled eggs,

half a sesame bagel,
and a basket of breakfast poutine?

Whoa, do you have that
written on your hand?

I've got an impeccable memory, David.

Which is why I recall quite clearly
that you broke rule number one.

You didn't pay your bill.

Oh, right!
I totally dined-and-dashed here!

Oh, not to worry.
I've got your new bill right here.

- Ten years of dish duty!
- Huh? What?

I get a final meal, don't I?

Ooh, do I smell chilaquiles?

[Kipo] What do we do?
We have to help him!

[Benson] It's all right,
Dave's unbreakable. But we're not.

So, let's just focus on not dying.

- Is that thieving grub with you?
- No, no!

But may I say, on behalf
of the entire TheaOtter company,

it is nothing short of an honor
to debut our one-act for you this day.

And as another otter
who is also a member of this company,

I'd like to ask if you know the location
of a human burrow

that was destroyed about 13 years ago.

[all gasping]

Hmm.
[laughs]

Ah, you must not know the rules.

Well, information's got a price here.

Give us a good show,
and we'll see what you can afford.

[grunts]
Ten years is nothing to me!

I once spent 25 years
in a Mega Chicken's stomach

just 'cause it was chilly outside!

[screams]
Shadow creature!

[screams]

Jamack?

What are you doing here?

Eh, same as you.
Stole some food. Got caught.

You know, I could be eating teacakes
with Scarlemagne in a palace right now.

But instead I saved you
and your little friends.

And look where it got me.
I've got nothing. I've got no one.

And do you know what...?

That's OK by me.

Because, hey, they let me eat the scraps.

Yo, dude.
Put the scraps down.

Kipo's gonna need help getting Cappuccino.

- We gotta break out--
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

You brought Kipo here?!

Wow, Jamack.
You really care that much?

She did change your heart.
[yelps]

[scoffs]
What? No.

I just don't want to see
my noble sacrifice wasted.

If she's eaten alive,
then what was all this for? Hm?

So, what you're saying is...

Oh, oh. What-what am I saying?
You're an idiot.

Also, we're breaking out.

[all booing]

Are they booing us?
We haven't even started yet!

Do they really hate humans that much?

Yeah, they haven't even given us a chance.

You just started giving mutes
a chance, like, a day ago.

Try three.

My lords, my ladies, my lemurs,

the story you are about to hear
is a harrowing tale of helpless heroes.

[cheering]

And horrible human heathens!

- [booing]
- [Kipo laughs nervously]

- [Wolf grunts]
- Wait, Wolf!

[growls]

[guitar plays]

♪ The ballad of the Newton Wolves ♪

♪ Both learned and kind ♪

♪ Life on a mountain, bright and fair ♪

♪ Their knowledge o' they wish to share ♪

♪ 'Til one day came a human pack
For friendship did they plea ♪

- ♪ They brought a gift, a suckling pig ♪
- [squeals]

♪ But also treachery! ♪

- ♪ Down with the humans! ♪
- [cheering]

♪ They ripped and tore
And gnashed and bit ♪

♪ Down with the humans! ♪

♪ Send 'em back unto their pits ♪

Wow, this song got super mean!

[laughs]

[Jamack] All right, here's the plan:

Ride this thing
into the kitchen next door,

and look for the chef
with the keys on his belt.

- Be stealthy, and don't get caught!
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I got it.

- Easy.
- Remember... [whispering] stealth!

[Dave] Hey, guys!
Anyone know where I can find the--

- [thudding]
- [grunting]

- Uh-uh. Don't give me that look.
- [coos]

[groans]

No! Bad bug!
No more rides!

You can't tell me what to do!
You're not my dad!

- None of you are my dad!
- Oh, you gotta be kidding me.

My mom woulda never dated
none of you guys!

You don't even look like her kind.

Ta to the da!
Stealth!

Hm.
That's one way to do it.

[cheering]

♪ Their leader Kipo, hair of pink ♪

♪ Her brain so empty
Oh, she stinked! ♪

- I bet she does! [laughs]
- ♪ That rascally coward Benjamin ♪

♪ No muscles there, he was so thin ♪

♪ Her vicious friend created dread ♪

♪ She wore a wolf upon her head ♪

♪ The bug, the pig, two traitor mutes
They helped the humans fight and loot ♪

- ♪ Down with the humans! ♪
- [cheering]

♪ Their furless flesh it smells of rot ♪

♪ Down with the humans! ♪

♪ They make us throw up a lot ♪

♪ Down with the humans! ♪

♪ They're gross, they're mean
Of ill repute ♪

♪ Down with the humans! ♪

♪ The surface is for mutes! ♪

♪ So beware the humans, heed my words ♪

♪ Who offer friendship true ♪

♪ They've dashed the skunks
And plucked the birds ♪

♪ And next, it could be... ♪

[whispers]
♪ You ♪

[cheering]

Bravo! Brava! Bravissimo!

[Kipo] Crushed it!

Help! Save me!

Kipo and her filthy humans
are invading my restaurant! [laughs]

[Kipo chuckles] Humans probably have
pretty good hygiene in real life,

- though, right everyone?
- [crowd booing]

That was easily the best show
I have ever seen.

[ribbits]

And you!
You had me shaking in my shell.

- I was transported!
- Why, thank you!

[all gasping]

- [chuckles nervously]
- [screams] It's really her!

Uh, this is a second mask?

[crowd booing]

[cheers]

So, uh, about that burrow?

How dare you disgrace
my beautiful restaurant.

Toss 'em to Harriet!

Who's Harriet?

[growls]

Oh, that's Harriet.
Hello, Harriet.

Great, I'm gonna be brunch
before I ever get to try it myself.

Not so fast!
Unless Harriet's got a taste for paw!

Ah, forgot to say herbs in.

[screaming]

[grunting]

[gasps]

Jamack?
I can't believe it!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Like I told the bug,
I'm just making sure I didn't give up

a life of luxury and respect for nothing.

I dunno, man,
you're way better at saving people

than you are at being a criminal.
Just lookin' from the outside in.

[groans]
Shut up and follow me.

I guess we'll have to find the burrow
a different way.

- [squawking]
- [gasps]

Unless Scarlemagne finds us first.

[all screaming]

[all] Huh?

This is your moment, Gerard.
Make it count.

Attention dinners... I mean diners!
Dang it.

We've come for the chef
they call Cappuccino.

I'm Cappuccino.
Who the hash browns are you?

A messenger.
And I come bearing a mess-enge.

"Congratulations!

You're gonna cater
Scarlemagne's coronation.

And all his meals
before and after that, forever."

As for the rest of you!

Consider this a formal invitation
from your future emperor.

- [all gasping]
- See you in one week, or else!

- [all gasping]
- [messenger laughs]

Listen, you fancy clown,

I've run Brunchington since
before Scarlemagne could tie his cravat.

Now, I love what he's doing
with those grimy humans,

but this isn't his territory.
And we're not goin' anywhere.

Right, everyone?

[crowd murmurs]

- [messenger laughs]
- [squawking]

- [squeals]
- [gasps]

[whispering]
They're not here for you. Let's go!

- No.
- Kipo, they sent us to Harriet.

- They don't care if we live or die!
- I'd say they only care that we die.

I don't care if they don't care
because I care.

Wait...
Yeah, that's right!

What are we supposed to do?
Fight?

What if you lose control
and turn into a mega? You're not ready.

And when everyone realizes who you are,
they'll come after you instead.

I know.

[groans]
What do you all have against living?!

And we shall bravely survive
to tell your tale another day!

Hey, fancy clown!

What?

- [squawks]
- You!

If you want her,
you're gonna have to go through these!

Herbs in!

- [crowd gasps]
- Whoa!

[booing]

Oh, bring it on, burrow girl.
Your weird arms don't scare me!

- We got you, Kipo!
- Come on. Let's get this over with.

[hip-hop music plays]

[grunting]

- Whoa, cool!
- [cheering]

Aw, poor flamingo.

- [squawks]
- [screams]

Stay calm and follow us!

Last call for takeout.

No!

[groans]
Really?

Come on!
Let's get you to cover.

All right.

[squawks]

[screams]

Kipo!

[straining] No!

[grunting]

[roars]

[straining]

- Kipo, don't!
- [gasps]

[grunts]

- [grunts]
- [screams]

Launch me.

[screams]

Oh, no.

[grunting]

[growling]

Kipo, what was that back there?

[panting]
Herbs out!

I... I don't know.
But it wasn't me.

[squealing]

Are-are you guys OK?

Dave was so afraid you were dead,
he started crying.

[sniffles]
That's not true!

I just got brunch in my eye.

[sighs]
I'm just glad you're both all right.

Aw, thanks, Dave.

- [snorts]
- Hail Kipo! Our conquering hero!

Yours shall be the greatest story
ever told on stage.

And you, the toad who wields his tongue
like a swashbuckler's sword!

Have you considered teaching
a course in stage combat?

Oh, sure.
Sure, I could teach ya a thing or two.

But I'm warning you, I'm not cheap.

Oh. Jamack, I thought maybe
you'd wanna come with us.

- Absolutely not.
- Good call.

You know, I once defeated

four of the most dangerous packs
in Las Vistas single-handed,

so, this is a pretty great investment
on your part.

[gasps] You're the valiant frog
with the Mega Bunny steed?

[Jamack] Oh. I got a reputation.
In that case, I'm charging you double.

[Cappuccino] Humans...

I don't know why you helped me
after the way I treated you.

I'm a proud shrimp, but not too proud
to admit that I was wrong.

You, uh, want to know about
that old burrow, right?

Don't worry.
I won't tell anyone where you're headed.

Thank you.

But Scarlemagne doesn't give in to anyone.
They'll be back.

Brunchington Beach is my home.
Let 'em come.

Now, why don't you all have
a nice meal before you go.

Really?
But, we're humans.

Yeah, well, nobody's perfect.

[sighs]
Brunch. Believe the hype.

[roars]

Herbs out.

Uh... hey, guys.

Have you ever had that feeling
where you think you're in control,

but then you're not,
cause a ferocious jaguar's in control

and its need to hunt is insatiable?

[gasps]

Maybe we should find that anchor.
Like now?

[panting]

[giggles nervously]

♪ Down with the humans ♪

♪ They ripped and tore
And gnashed and bit ♪

♪ Down with the humans ♪

♪ Send 'em back unto their pits ♪

♪ Their leader Kipo, hair of pink ♪

♪ Her brain so empty
Oh, she stinked! ♪

♪ That rascally coward Benjamin
No muscles there, he was so thin ♪

♪ Down with the humans ♪

♪ They're gross, they're mean
Of ill repute ♪

♪ Down with the humans ♪

♪ The surface is for mutes ♪