01x20 - Cruisin' for a Bruisin

[bunniefuu]

What's going on? Guess what huge star is getting on board our boat? Ferran Adria, the head chef at El Bulli? No, guess again.

Takeru Kobayashi, five
-time world champion hot dog eater? Wow, you guys are lousy guessers.

It's Hannah Montana! [all screaming]

She's taking our boat on the teen cruise to Hawaii! I wanted to see her perform in Honolulu, but it's sold out.

Well, it just so happens, I know Hannah Montana.

[screaming]

She once stayed at the Tipton.

She even ate cake off my brother's shirt.

[gasps]

Does he still have the shirt? [gasps]

Does he still have the cake? Cody, if you get me tickets, I'll love you forever! Forever? That's a long time.


- Consider it done.


- Get back! International superstar coming through!
- Who is it? Who is it?
- [screaming]

Right.

Miss Montana, it is my pleasure to welcome you
- I said get back!
- Ow! Don't touch me!
- Kirby!
- Oh, I'm sorry, Mr.

Moseby.

You're so little, I mistook you for one of those teens.


- [scoffs]


- I was just protecting Hannah.

[screaming]

Protect me! Now!
- Where's Cody?
- Down here.

Did you see Hannah? No.

I'd like to see a chiropractor.

Ow, ow, ow, ow! Oh ay oh Oh ay oh Come along with me And let's head out to see What this world Has for you and for me now Whichever way the wind blows We say Hey
-ho, let's go!
- Oh ay oh
- This boat's rockin'
- Oh ay oh
- Ain't no stopping us now 'Cause we're living the suite life
- Oh ay oh
- This boat's rockin'
- Oh ay oh
- Rockin' the whole world round And we're living the suite life now
- Hey, ho
- Oh ah oh Let's go!
- So, what do you recommend?
- Me, with whipped cream.

[laughs]

Thanks, but I'm nauseous from the whole boat
-rocking thing.

Zack, do you think messing with a man's botanical rinse is funny? I think any man who uses a botanical rinse is funny.

[both laughing]

Sorry.

Great.

Now I have to go wash, rinse and repeat.

And repeat.

And repeat.

I've seen you around.

I'm Zack.

And I'm being hauled away.


- Did you do that to his hair?
- No, I'm being good, remember? Finish your science homework? I said I was being good, not boring.

That's your job.

You know what your job is gonna be.

"Thank you, enjoy the movie.

Thank you, enjoy the movie.

" Wow.

Your brother thinks you'll end up in a go
-nowhere, minimum
-wage job? We have so much in common! Don't we? Wow! That suitcase sure is roomy.

Yeah, it is.

Check this out.

Hello! [echoing]

Hello! Hello! That's the same echo I get from my closet back home! It's so big, it has its own congressman.

Really? Do you want it? All it's gonna cost you is a lunch with a charming, handsome young man.

Is he in there, too? No.

I was talking about me.

Oh! Thank you, but I've already tried one nut from your family tree.

Oh, no, no, no.

Believe me, I'm nothing like my brother.

He thinks he's so cool because he wears clean clothes and showers every day.

And that's why the cat won't lick you.

Even when you're covered in chicken liver.

[screaming]

No! You can't meet Hannah Montana.

She's busy, uh, writing a song.

[screaming]

Check that.

She's eating a salad.

[screaming]

Damn.

Anything she does causes a riot.

You know, when I agreed to come on this teen cruise, I thought it would be fun, relaxing.

I just forget about all the dang [girl]

I got it! I got a picture of Hannah Montana!
- teens!
- [screaming outside]

Yeah, what's the matter with kids today?
- Get back!
- [Cody]

Ow! Hi, Kirby.

I'm here to see Hannah Montana.

You and everybody else on this boat.

But no can do.

It's my job to keep that Southern belle from getting dinged.

I'm a close, personal friend of hers.

That's what they all say.

Prove it.

Tell me something about her no one else knows.

She loves knock
-knock jokes.

You wanna see?
- Watch.

Knock, knock.


- [Hannah]

Who's there? Okey
-dokey.

Miss Montana, your friend Cody is here to see you.

I don't know a Cody.

Here's a picture.

Uh, but I don't want a picture.

[screaming]

I say we take off our wigs and go out there and hit the wave pool.

Yeah.

I'll just come in as Hannah and I'll leave as Miley.


- That won't give away anything.


- Well, I'm going out there because nobody cares about Lola.

[screaming]

They care about Lola! Morning, ladies.

Ah! Perfect! Just what I need after the stress of saving those dolphins from tuna nets.

Just get in.

Get in, get in.


- What are we getting in?
- Trouble, if you don't zip it.

I'm sick of Justin's attitude, so I put a surprise in the hot tub for him.

[chuckles]

[gasps]


- [chuckles]


- [laughing]

Alex, that's classic! But you're not supposed to use m Science? I learned this in class.

Who knew school would ever come in handy? Oh, man, Justin's gonna be so mad! Look, his face is turning red, his body's blue.

Stick a few stars on him, we can fly him off the back of the boat.


- I'm not scared of Justin.


- Oh, my heavens! When I find out who did this, I will feed them to the sharks! Except for their head, so they can watch.


- Him, I'm scared of.


- Yep.


- I know who's gonna be shark bait.


- As do I.


- Alex! Alex?
- Zack! Zack?
- What?
- What? This was Alex.

I know my sister.

This was Zack.

I know my hooligan.


- But
- Look, this is getting us nowhere.

We can go out and find who did this, or we can stand here and argue until we're blue in the face.

Might as well.

I'm already blue in the everywhere else.

[Justin]

Alex! [Moseby]

Zack!
- Hi.


- Zack! Is this your cabin? Let's check it out.

Thank you.


- Wow.


- You like my place, huh? Like it? I can't see it.

Ugh.

And that stench is making my eyes tear up.

Blink fast.

It helps.

A
-ha!
- Zack!
- I'll go get rid of him.

OK, you do that.

I'm gonna hide.

Or, uh tidy things up.

Yeah.

Oh! That's disgusting.


- You.


- I didn't do it.


- Oh, yes, you did.


- I swear, I didn't.

By the way, what is it that I didn't do?
- You put blue dye in the hot tub.


- Dye? Dye? No, I've done soap bubbles, pudding, tea bags, rubber foot, electric eels, but no dye.

How could I have missed dye? You didn't.

I found this right outside your door.

I knew it was you!
- But that's not
- Your butt is confined to this cabin! Entertain yourself with whatever's in this room.

I think I can make that work.

[moaning]

London, I need you to call Hannah Montana for me.

[gasps]

Don't you ever mention that name.

She refused to put the theme song to Yay Me, Starring London Tipton
- on her next album.


- Why would you expect Hannah to? [gasps]

Don't test me, boy.

Look, I told you never to say "Hannah Montana.

" [gasps]

I can't believe I said it! This is impossible.

Either I need a softer coconut or a harder straw.


- Cody?
- Sorry.

I couldn't get Bailey tickets.

I'm just going to have to tell her the truth.

Or you can tell her aliens came down and threatened to disintegrate the Earth if you didn't give them your tickets to see Hannah in Hawaii.

Something tells me that coconut hit you on the head.

I'm trying to decide how to wear my hair to the Hannah concert.

I could go with a funky up
-do.

Right? Right? Or half
-up, half
-down.

That's kind of cool, right? Or, or the whole funky rocker, mosh
-pit thing.

OK? Like this.

Yeah? Bailey? I know I kind of promised you I could get you those tickets to Hannah.

I know! Can you believe my guy is getting me tickets
- to a sold
-out concert?
- "My guy?" Yeah, unfortunately, there's been an intergalactic incident, so Enough about your stupid comics.

Bailey's trying to decide how she should wear her hair to the concert,
- which her guy is taking her to.


- I know, I'll wear it down.

I got to find a great outfit to go with my hair.

I'll go check London's trash.

You were so home
-free with the alien thing.

Now what am I supposed to do? Look to the heavens and plead, "I want Hannah Montana tickets in Hawaii!" [man on PA]

Want Hanna Montana tickets to Hawaii? Two tickets to Hannah Montana's concert in Hawaii for the winner of our teen cruise scavenger hunt! [screaming]


- Did you hear that?
- Darn right, I did! I want a robot that makes pancakes!
- OK, well, I'm gonna clear out, OK.


- Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait! You can't leave me.

I'll be in solitary confinement.

I'll be forced to dig an escape tunnel, which would wind up sinking the boat.

You should just confess.

You'll feel so much better afterwards, and maybe get out of your room sooner.

Like me, right now.

But I didn't do it! I'd never pull such a lame prank.


- What do you mean, lame?
- It had "amateur" written all over it.

Are you calling whoever did this an amateur? That's it! Lame? Amateur? It was Cody! He's getting back at me for my brilliant hair prank.

Oh, yeah.

Glue and a brush, real brilliant.

But I need proof.

A witness.

Look, I'm gonna go back to the Sky Deck and see if anybody saw who did this.

I'll go with you.

I'm a really good interrogator.

Oh, would you? Oh.

Hello, London.

I brought you a present.

Ooh! Dirt? With seeds.

The baby flowers will grow, just like our love.

You're odd.

But you adore me, and I like that.

Have a seat.

OK, silver bell, toy train, egg
-timer What idiot puts a swordfish on a scavenger hunt list? [grunting]

OK, this scavenger hunt is out of control! Some kids just tried to take this yellow barrette out of my hair.

Thank goodness we have our tickets, so we don't have to do anything like this scavenger hunt.

Yeah.

Phew.

But you should probably give us that barrette, to keep it safe.


- Good idea, thanks.


- Yeah, and if you have a rutabaga,
- you should give us that, too.


- I might have one in my locker.

Then what are we standing here for? We have a waxy vegetable to protect.

OK, you snoop around the hot tub, and I'll ask your brother if he saw anything.

No! I'll go ask him, because he's my brother and I love him.

way too Oh! You say anything about my p
-r
-a
-n
-k, and I will pound you so hard that you'll be sneezing out of your belly button.

That's gonna be very awkward during allergy season.

Does this have anything to do with whatever she was spelling? London, I'm not allowed to tell you, but y
-e
-s.

Fine, don't tell me.

I found this test tube outside of Zack's door.

This clearly proves that he is to blame.

And now he has escaped from his cabin.

Alex probably planted that evidence.

She's an evil genius.

She's an evil genius? No, Zack is an evil Well, he's not a genius.

More of an evil nincompoop.

Oh! I'm sorry, ma'am! I swear I didn't see anything.

Ow! Look, I didn't even want to see anything! Ow! OK, we have the rutabaga.

Now all I need to win those tickets, and Bailey's heart,
- is a silver chalice.


- Good luck finding that.

Oh, yeah, you better run! [both]

How could you? My own brother! [both]

What? Do they always talk at the same time like that?
- Freaky, isn't it?
- How could you frame me? I don't know what you're talking about, but I need a silver chalice
- before
- [PA]

Attention Hannah fannahs! The scavenger hunt is now over, and we have a winner! No!
- You!
- You! This is the miscreant who turned you blue.

No, it's not.

It was her! Uh, Justin, Mr.

Moseby is our host on this lovely cruise and you insult him by arguing with him.

Come, brother.

Hey, wait a minute.

I recognize those word
-twisting manipulations, followed by a hasty exit.


- It was you!
- Sure.

Blame me.

Because it was you.

Looks like I caught you blue
-handed.

I told you! You played me like a violin! You're sneaky, deceitful, underhanded.

Where have you been all my life? I'll tell you where she's gonna be.

Grounded while we're in Hawaii.

Who's got the blues now? Blue
-hoo.

Look at this.

Is this the time? Oh
-ho
-ho! Mr.

Moseby, isn't there something that you'd like to say to me? Maybe something that rhymes with, "I'm florry.

" First off, let me say that you are incredibly "flannoying.

" But I am sorry that I accused you of putting dye in the hot tub.

However, in the process, you confessed to six unsolved pranks.

You are so in trouble.

Apology accepted.

OK.

Cody, isn't Hawaii the most beautiful thing you've ever seen? The second most beautiful.

Bailey, I need to talk to you.

First, help me pick which greeting to use when I meet Hannah Montana.

I could go country: [Southern accent]

"Howdy, Hannah!" Or sophisticated: [English accent]

"How do you do, Miss Montana?" Or Japanese: [speaks Japanese]

They're all great.

Except for the fact that we don't have tickets.

I'm sorry, what? It sounded like you said we don't have tickets.

Look, I'm really sorry, Bailey.

I tried everything to get those tickets for you.

I thought you knew Hannah! She didn't remember me.

London couldn't help.

I tried to win the scavenger hunt.

Here's your barrette back.

Then Zack accused me of framing him and Oh!
- What was that for?
- To get you to stop babbling.

I need to babble more often.

And because no one's ever gone though so much trouble for me.


- Thank you.


- You're welcome.

Hey, guys.

Want a bite of birthday cake?
- Whose birthday?
- I don't know.

Some guy.

Whenever I hear singing, I just go in the room.

[man]

Dude! Isn't that Hannah Montana sunbathing on the portside deck? [screaming]

Hurry! I hear she's, like, totally signing autographs! I am so over this teen cruise.

My cake! Maybe there's still some left at the party.

Thank you, Mr.

Moseby.

Thanks for clearing out the lobby.

Absolutely.

Enjoy the starboard deck.


- Where they have the pool?
- And rock
-climbing wall?
- And the parasailing?
- Oh, yes.

It's a month of fun.

Unfortunately, you have five minutes until they realize you're not on the port deck and start hunting you down like angry fire ants.

[squeaking]

"Hannah, Hannah, Hannah.

" Enjoy.

You're, you're, you're [speaking Japanese]

[mumbling]

Bless you.

Hey, now I remember you.


- I ate cake off you.


- No, that was my twin brother.

I was the cute one standing next to him.

Oh.

And you kept the shirt.

My fans are awesome.

Yeah, you're telling me.

Remember the one who sent you a corn
-cob carving of yourself? [gasps]

You got it? Yeah, and I loved it! So you guys coming to my show tonight? We'd love to, but it was all sold out.

You wouldn't happen to know anyone who could get us tickets, would you? Oh, I think I can pull some strings.

Here's the tickets and backstage passes.

Wait, I'm sorry.

That's my coupon.

One more stamp and I get a free cupcake.

Thank you, thank you! [speaks Japanese]

Yeah, I gotta go, too.

Cody, this is gonna be the best date ever.


- Date?
- Oh, yeah.

Excuse me a second.

[Cody]

Yes! My six
-month plan worked! London? I've had so much fun with you these last few days.

And there's just one more thing that I need to ask you.

You're not gonna ask me to marry you, are you? No.

No.

I was gonna ask if you wanted a shoe shine.

Oh.

Then, yes.

You know, Max, no man has ever treated me as well as you do.

He's not a man, he's a child! Well, for now.

So you'll wait for me, then? I can't promise that.

But five years from now, when we're in the same grade, you can sit next to me.

Yes! I am never gonna wash this cheek again.

But, uh, if I were you, I'd wash those hands.