01x21 - Double-Crossed

[bunniefuu]

( Theme music playing ) Oooh, wait! Jump back, that's my humpback.

A large man need a large fish.

According to my fluke photos, that's a k*ller whale.

I always thought whales were supposed to be big.


- Those are so tiny.


- Here, try this.

Oh my gosh, they're huge! I love these magic glasses.

Man, you'd need a lot of mesquite to grill one of them up.

Kirby, these magnificent creatures are endangered.

No wonder
-
- if they taste as good as they look.

You know, a little barbecue sauce
-
- I'm sorry, buddy.

Oooh, now you've made me hungry.

Getting up makes me hungry.

Oooh, the 3:00 ice cream, yes!
- So much better than the 2:30 ice cream.


- Mmm
-hmm.


- Hey, Mr.

moseby!
- Oh dear.


- Do you want to hear a joke?
- Uh no.

I am busy setting up the party for captain lunsford's 10th year at the helm.

Okay, why did the whale cross the ocean? To get to the other tide! ( Hysterical laughter )
- ( Snickers )
- You just blobbed on my baby beluga.

Great! Now we have to wait for the 3:30 ice cream.

Connie, please, no more jokes.

Please, no no no! Just back away from me.

Get away, get away
-
- whoa whoa! Don't worry, I'll catch you!
- Where's Mr.

moseby?
- Did he go over? Moseby: He went under.

London: Oooh ohh.

Poor clumsy moseby! I'll help you up.


- Ooop.


- Owww! Oh, that's gonna hurt in the morning.

( Groans ) Oh ay oh, oh ay oh come along with me and let's head out to see what this world has for you and for me now whichever way the wind blows
- we say
- hey
-ho, let's go!
- oh ay oh
- this boat's rocking
- oh ay oh
- ain't no stopping us now 'cause we're living the suite life
- oh ay oh
- this boat's rocking
- oh ay oh
- rocking the whole world round and we're living the suite life now hey ho! Oh ay oh let's go! Hey, moseby.

What are you doing? Oh, having fun.

Feeling my pain waft between unbearable and excruciating.

Oh, glad to know you're feeling better.

( Groans ) Okay, back to excruciating.


- Everyone feels really bad about you getting hurt.


- And they should.

Now, moseby, let's face it.

You've always been a little clumsy.

Oh, you're right.

It's all my fault.

Look, I need your help in planning captain lunsford's party.

Ooh, I love planning parties! Oooh, and if I invite you, it'll be a cast party.


- Get it
-
- cast? Ba
-doop boo.


- Ow! Look, just forget it.

Help me up so I can get back to work.

Uh uh uh! But that lady in the hideous white outfit
- said you're not allowed to get up.


- She's a nurse.

I don't care! She's wearing white and it's after labor day.

She should know better.

( Whimpers ) Oh, I guess I'm trapped here.

Don't worry, moseby.

I'll entertain you.

Just like you did for me when I was a little gir
-wirl.

"Hi, I'm bearion moseby.

" Get it
-
- bear
-ion?
- Bearion.


- I got it.

Okay, London, look
-
- I appreciate it, but I don't need this kind of coddling.

I'm a grown man.

London has your favorite.

A banana bunnysicle!
- With chocolate
-chip eyes!
- Open up the hangar.

Here comes a private jet with pink leather seats and a widescreen tv.

( Mimics propeller ) Oh, turbulence! Mayday mayday! Mayday mayday! ( Mimics propeller ) ( Screams ) Sorry.

Wind shear.

Oooh, story time! And I have the bestest one of all.

"The pokey little princess.

" Page one!
- Page two!
- ( Whimpers ) Okay, enough with "the pokey little princess.

"
- But you don't know how it ends!
- I barely know how it begins.

Don't be such a cranky pants! I have something that's sure to turn your frown upside down!
- Ow!
- I'm gonna besparkle your cast! London, I am not in a sparkly mood.


- That's why I want to cheer you up.


- ( Thunks ) Owww!
- You've always been there for me.


- ( Thunking ) Now I want to be here for you.

( Cell phone rings ) Oh, hey, Chelsea.

Naw naw, nothing important.

( Screams )
- ( Thunking )
- ( Squealing ) Not now, moseby.

I'm on the phone.

Poor Mr.

moseby.

It's all my fault.

And it's not the first time.

I have crushed before.

When I was 14 and grandma Karen came up from fort worth, I was so happy I jumped right into her frail little arms.

There was just a whimper, a crackling sound and a puff of talcum powder.

Okay, Chelsea.

Ttfn.

Omg.

That girl can talk.


- So is everything okay?
- Not really.

Chelsea's yacht sank.

I told her not to let her cat steer.

I'm talking about Mr.

moseby.

I don't think he has a yacht.


- How is he feeling?
- About not having a yacht? Probably pretty bummed.

Enough about the ding
-dang yacht.


- I mean is he okay?
- Oh, he's great.

I left him with a big smile on his face.

( Groans ) Ahhh, oh ho, awesome! You know, if you had one eye twice as big as the other and a macaroni mouth, you'd look just like my first
-grade art project.

London decided to besparkle me.

Oh, don't worry.

I'll de
-besparkle you.

Ow! You know, I'm really sorry you got hurt.


- ( Grunts )
- But let's face it,
- you are a little clumsy.


- A little
-
- oo
-okay.

And you're a little annoying.

Look, hand me the phone.

I need to call catering and check on captain lunsford's tribute.

Let's go, come on.

No can do, kimosabe.


- Let me tell you what nurse mustache said.


- Oooh.

She said if I let you make a work call, she'll rip off my ear and sew it back on
- Upside down.


- Eeew.

I guess she is a little scary.

She checks your heart rate by reaching inside your chest.

Well, to take your mind off of all that,
- I brought a game!
- ( Groans ) Duh duh duh daaa! Tsshh tsshh! Dragon quest! Oh, I haven't played d.

Q.

Since our days at the hotel.

And I need thy help, jango darkblade.

For the plains of onathe are overrunning with sand ogres.

Alas, it is a dark day, multach.


- Your sword, jango.


- ( Screams )
- ( Whimpers )
- Oooh, that's gotta hurt.

Hey there, boo
-boo bear! Connie the clown wants to know who needs a big smile? Hopefully someone on the lido deck.

Silly! Name a balloon animal
-
- any animal.

Any animal at all ( Whispers ) As long as it's a snake.

( Both scream ) Wow, they're right.

( Singsong ) You are a little clumsy! Yes, it's a curse.

Now fill me in.

What's happening? Oh, it's a total disaster.

Oh, I knew it! Did something go wrong with the preparations for captain lunsford's party?
- Worse.


- ( Whimpers )
- My boyfriend Donnie dumped me.


- ( Groans ) Okay, I'm sorry about that
-
- and I called my mom about it, and she said she can't talk to me any more because I "bring her down.

" There's a shock.

( Sobs ) And my body is breaking out into boils!
- Ohhh.


- Do you see this red dot on my nose?
- It's not makeup.


- ( Sobs )
- Oh dear.

You may be broken, but at least your heart is whole.

( Whining sobs ) ( Blows )
- ( Splats )
- Ahhh! Okay, all right.

Oh, pull it together, Connie!
- ( Whining )
- Do you know how you can get through all of this?
- How?
- If you help make captain lunsford's party a big success.

Oh, that? That's gonna be fun
-fabulous.

Everything is all set
-
- the food, the decorations.


- I'm picking out the music.


- Do you have the gift? I have a really good ear, but I don't know if I'd necessarily call it a gift.

( Groans ) No, the gift for captain lunsford.

Mr.

tipton commissioned a miniature replica of the first s.

S.

Tipton.

It was hand
-carved from the last shred of wood from the original hull.

Man, I've been here 10 years and all I got was this pen.

Okay
-
- ( Sputters ) Oops.

Lasso doggy!
- Come on!
- Hey, Mr.

moseby.


- Oh.


- I made you coq au vin.


- It's piping hot.


- Well, thank you.

I should eat it now while I still have a few teeth.

Look, I'm really sorry that you got hurt, but it wasn't my fault.

Oh, I know, I know.

It's all my fault! Well, let's face it
-
- you are a little clumsy.

Go away.

Oh, wait.

Come back.


- Look, I need a favor.


- Oh, anything.


- Whatever you ask!
- Let go of my arm.

But it's your other arm that's broken.

Yes, this is the arm that your brother multach stabbed.


- Look, I need the phone.


- No can do.

Not after what nurse Florence frightengale said.

She said that every time you call to check on the ship,
- it spikes your blood pressure.


- So do you, but she let you in.

Mr.

moseby, you've just got to relax.

Relax?! How can I? Mr.

tipton specifically put me in charge of captain lunsford's gift.

And presently my career rests in the big
-gloved hands of Connie the emotionally disturbed clown! Okay okay okay.

Don't worry.

Zack and I will check on it.

We'll make sure Connie doesn't screw it up.


- You can count on us.


- "Us"? And by us, I meant me.


- Oh
-
-
- owwwww! I'm sorry.

Let me get that for you.

( Squeals ) Probably should have used the spoon.

( Cries )
- Hey, Connie.


- Ahhh! Don't sneak up on me like that.

You saw us coming.


- Is that captain lunsford's gift?
- Yes! And it is very fragile and requires delicate attention.


- Like me.


- ( Phone beeps ) That's my ex
-boyfriend's ring.

Maybe he wants me back.


- Here, hold this.


- ( Gasps ) Donnie? Uh
-huh.

He doesn't want me back.

Connie, you dropped the bottle.

Ooops.

Is the bottle okay?
- Yeah.


- The ship isn't.

Great! And I told moseby not to worry, that we were reliable, that he could count on us.

That was a stupid thing to say.

Actually I told him he could count on me.

Oh, well, then this is your problem.


- See you after lunch.


- Yep.

( Laughs ) Okay.

"Help me.

" Ha ha! Mr.

moseby, did you drop this?
- Yes! I need your help.


- You can count on me.

I'll go throw it away right now.

Arghhh! D
-d
-d
-d
-
- no! It's a note saying I need your help.

Get in here immediately! Okay, but I don't think I'll fit.

Ooh, ow, ooh.

Or you could use the door! That's why you the boss.

Boss of the s.

S.

Incompetence.

It's a wonder we're still afloat.

Thank goodness nurse hatchet went on break.

She's 4'10" of pure mean! It's a wonder why she got into the caregiving business.


- She must like seeing people in pain.


- ( Yells ) Get up, get up! Get
-
- get up! Which reminds me
-
- I feel just awful about falling on you.

I don't think I'll ever get that crunch sound you made out of my head.

That makes two of us.

Now if you want to make up for it, you can do me a big favor
-
- get me on the deck for the captain's presentation.


- If we're caught, permission to blame you, sir?
- Permission granted.


- All right, I'll hold your legs.


- Here we go.


- This way.


- Now wait, if you go like
-
- aha! You're giving me a pajama wedgie.

You gonna have to handle that on your own, sir.

Okay, I got you.


- All right, here we go.


- Ahhhhh! Shhh! Nurse hatchet is at her desk and she's eating raw meat.

Abort abort! No no no no! ( Grunts ) I'm sorry, Mr.

moseby.

I'm sworn to protect the good people of this ship and all I do is bring on disaster.

I don't deserve this badge.


- ( Squeals )
- It's just not your day, is it? ( Growls )
- Here, I'll get that.


- Ow!
- Do you want me to get the nurse?
- Ah! Just go.

I don't think I can survive another visit from a well
-wisher.

Connie: Kirby, we have a problem.

Cody damaged the top deck of the ship and we need to fix it before Mr.

moseby finds out.

Must get topside.

( Screams ) London! Oh, good trick, Kirby! Now jump over the hot tub.

Go, Kirby, go go! No time! Have you seen Zack and Cody carrying a teeny tiny ship?
- Oh yeah.

They went that way.


- Oh! I need a raise.

Moseby, I'm ba
-ack! And I have more stories.

I have "Green eggs and caviar," and "goldilocks and the three butlers.

" Now, moseby, you are in no shape to be playing hide 'n' seek.

Although You seem to be pretty darn good at it.

Uh
-oh.

Help help! There's a tiny injured besparkled man on the loose.


- So what do you think?
- Well, the boom and mizzenmast is bent portside past the bobstay and bulwark, all the way to the scarf on the fantail hatch.

And your capstan gaff doesn't look too good either.

Wow, you certainly know your nautical terminology.

Naw, I just saw that in a pirate movie.


- Can it be fixed?
- I'll sure give it a try.

Mm
-hmm.

Mmm
-hmm.

Mm
-hmm.


- Just like I thought.


- What? My finger's stuck.


- Hang tight, I'll go grab some butter.


- Oh, no need.

Got some right here.

You carry butter in your pants? I don't like gum.

Here, let me.

Later on I want to have a serious discussion with you about your dietary habits.

Now try that.


- It won't budge.


- All right, here.


- Let me try and get at it.


- Okay.


- ( Both grunting )
- Oh, careful.

Okay, here it comes.


- ( Pops )
- Yes! Oooh, I think that finger got longer.

I don't believe this! Moseby is missing and you guys are napping.

Whoa whoa whoa whoa, wait.

What do you mean "moseby's missing"?
- No one can find him.


- Dang, that sounds like missing to me.

Come on, Cody and I will search the ship.

You two try to find someone to push the bowsprit back to the halyard.


- Come on.


- Huh? Basically we need someone who's good working with tweezers.

Uh, hello! These eyebrows don't happen by themselves.

Hello, tiny little sailors!
- Tweezers!
- Tweezers.


- Clamp!
- Clamp.


- Wipe!
- Wipe.

Oh
-
- lipstick.

Lipstick.

Well, I've done all that I can.

Will she make it? We'll know in the morning.

We'd better know now! Captain lunsford's presentation is in half an hour.


- Then you'd better take this to Connie to be gift
-wrapped.


- I'm on it! ( Thuds ) Tweezers.


- Connie!
- Excuse me, more funtertainment to plan.


- Where is the boat?
- London is still fixing it.

But don't worry
-
- captain lunsford still hasn't finished his round of putt
-putt golf.

Thank goodness he's held up on the Bermuda triangle hole.

Where do those balls disappear to anyway? ( Panting ) Kirby, did you find Mr.

moseby? ( Wheezing ) Does that mean you didn't find him or you just can't talk yet? Does that mean yes, you found him or yes, you can't talk yet? How about instead of playing sweaty charades, we get him some water? And a tissue.

I ran around every single deck and Mr.

moseby has just up and disappeared.

Kinda like the stuffing on my plate on Thanksgiving.

Okay, got my breath back.

I'll go search for Mr.

moseby.


- Found him!
- Oh, thank goodness, because I had no more run left in me.

Ladies and gentlemen, I know there is a problem with the ship.


- Uh
-oh, he knows.


- But never fear, moseby is here.

Now I'm going to take the elevator
-
-
- man: Oh, sorry.


- ( Screams ) ( Crashing ) I'll catch you, Mr.

moseby! Oh, Kirby, thank you for cushioning my fall.

You're more than welcome.

And you know what? It didn't even hurt that much.

That's because we cushioned your fall! Kirby: Oh, little buddies! You guys okay? We haven't been this close since before we were born.


- Moseby: Get up.


- ( All groan ) Now what is this about the ship being broken? It looks fine to me.

Oh, not the big ship.

This tiny one.

But I fixed it.

( Gasps ) Oh, London, thank goodness!
- ( Screams )
- ( Smashes ) Why was there butter on that?
- He did it.


- She did it.


- He did it.

( Groans ) Oh ho, captain lunsford.

Congratulations on your many years of faithful service.

Pen? ( Gasps ) ( Groaning ) ( All groaning ) "Then the baby Butler said, ( British accent ) 'Someone's been wearing my white gloves.

And they're all wrinkly!'"
- ( all groan )
- Cody: Please stop! I can't take any more of "goldilocks and the three butlers.

" Hey, it's better than "Jack and Jill went up the hill To build a mansion with a panoramic view of all the people who can't afford to go up the hill.

" Oh, great, you made me lose my place.


- Now I'll have to start from the beginning.


- ( All groan ) ( Clears throat ) "'Ounce' upon a time" Ahem! "'Ounce' upon a time there was a mansion in the woods.

" ( Theme music playing )