03x17 - Twister: Part 1

[bunniefuu]

Give me back my alarm clock! No, I am sick of this thing waking me up every morning! One more step and your chicken clock will never cluck again.

Girls, do we have to do this every morning? Oh, don't worry.

One day I'll figure out.

How to work this crazy contraption.

The giant "on" but
- Zack!
- Bailey! I'm sorry.

It's been a horrible morning.


- Why?
- I wanted to go back to kettlecorn.

For my grammy pickett's 90th birthday, But times are tough.

My parents can't afford a plane ticket.

Gee.

That's too bad.

Hey, what if I take you to visit grammy pickle? London, that's incredibly generous, But I couldn't accept that.

Oh, it's no problem for me to drop you off.

I'm taking my blouse blimp to Manhattan.

My halter top supply is running dangerously low.

London, thanks again for the lift in your blouse blimp.

No problem.

And to pass time, We can play darts.

oh ay oh, oh ay oh come along with me and let's head out to see what this world has for you and for me now whichever way the wind blows
- we say
- Hey
-ho, let's go!
- oh ay oh
- This boat's rocking
- oh ay oh
- Ain't no stopping us now 'cause we're living the suite life
- oh ay oh
- This boat's rocking
- oh ay oh
- Rocking the whole world round and we're living the suite life now hey ho! Oh ay oh let's go! Am I going to my right? Am I going to my left? I think you're going to the hospital.

We've only been playing for 12 seconds.

And you're breathing like darth vader.

Oh, it's a text from Maya.

She says she'll be back soon.

And she's excited about our three
-month anniversary.

Wow, three months.

If you guys were dogs, that'd be like Longer.

Yeah, I wanted to take her to the coral room for dinner, But I don't have that kind of money.

Ooh, playing a little roundball, I see.

You know basketball? Actually, I coached my little brother Dwight, And he is quite the basketball player.

If you coached him, I bet all he can dunk is a biscotti.

Well, Dwight and two of his friends.

Are coming on the ship for the day.

And I bet they could b*at you.

Oh! You're on.

But if we win, You have to give me and Maya a free dinner in the coral room.

Whoa whoa whoa whoa.

What about me? You can use the fancy toilet in the Captain's lounge.

The one that reclines with the cup holder? awesome! .

And if Dwight and his friends win, You guys have to scrub the entire fiesta deck.

With your toothbrushes.

That includes the gym we use for seniors pilates.

Eww! Old person's sweat.

It smells like prune juice and regret.

Deal.

Whoa whoa whoa.

Where am I gonna get a toothbrush? You won't need one, my yellow
-toothed friend.

We're talking about moseby's little brother, And moseby is the size of a meerkat.

Okay, but who's our third player? Well, since everyone's away on semester break,
- I guess we're stuck with Cody.


- He's the worst athlete I've ever seen.


- Cody's an embarrassment
- Hi, Woody.

Of riches.

I just love this kid.

Oh.

Have you guys seen Bailey? I'm looking for her to apologize.

Well, and return her dress.

That thing you wore in the play? Why do you still have it? Well, I made some alterations.

It was always kind of bunchy around the hips.


- Anyway, you seen her?
- Oh, man.

You didn't hear? Bailey moved back to kettlecorn.

What?! Yeah, that's what London told me.

I can't believe Bailey left without even saying goodbye.

If it makes you feel any better, She didn't say goodbye to me either.

Yeah, I'm a lot better now.

Ugh! Why couldn't my blimp have crashed.

Near a limo dealership? Around these parts, this is a limo.

Are we there yet? Not yet, but don't worry.

We'll be in kettlecorn in plenty of time for grammy pickett's party.

Are we there yet?! Still no, but hey, let's play a game to pass the time.

Okay, me first.

I spy with my little eye.


- Something that begins with the letter
- Corn! Zack, you said you wanted to see me?
- Did you hear from Bailey?
- No, she's gone for good.

It's about basketball.

Okay, now we need to win this thing.

So just remember, wherever the ball is, Be anywhere else and we'll be fine.

No problem.

And hey, guys, I think I'm finally getting over this whole Bailey thing.

Hello, losers.

That's the last thing Bailey told me.

Hey, so where's your wittle brother and his friends? Are they hiding under that teacup over there? Oh, 'cause they're tiny like moseby.

Are they gonna wear their light
-up sneakers? Ooh.

Actually, those are pretty cool.

How about I lower the rim to 4'.

So I can help your brother dunk? Actually I think I can dunk on a regular basket.

We're in trouble.

Zack, I'd like you to meet my little brother Dwight Howard.


- What's up, little brother?
- Hey hey! So you're the famous Zack.

My Big Brother always complains about.

He doesn't look like a hooligan.

Oh, but he is.

And finally, after six years, It's payback time.

Mr.

Moseby, How is Dwight Howard your little brother? Well, he is younger than I am.

And we have the same mother, So I'm his half
-brother.

Which makes sense, since you're half his size.

Oh, and look, Here come his wittle friends.

Man, this ship is awesome.

Yeah, I just saw a toilet with a drink holder.


- Oh.


- Deron Williams? Oh yes, third pick in the 2005 draft.

And an n.

B.

A.

All
-star.

Boaw! And I also like puppies.


- So?
- I just like to let people know that.


- And you're Kevin love!
- Mm
-hmm.

Fifth pick in the 2008 n.

B.

A.

Draft.

That's right, and I also got a free hat.

Mr.

Moseby, you never said your brother was a four
-time n.

B.

A.

All
-star.

Four times? I don't even keep count.

Yes, you do.

Look! Shuffleboard!
- I got next!
- Have fun, little Dwight! So do you guys want to start using these now? No thanks, I use an aqua pick.

I have real sensitive gums.

Okay, guys, I know we can win this.

How? I have no idea.

see, my name is Carol and I live in Carolina my husband's name is Carl and we all sell .

Corn! Enough with the corn.

I hate corn.

You'd better not let the corn goblin hear you say that.


- The corn goblin?
- Mm
-hmm.

Legend has it he roams the countryside.

Reaping revenge on those who hate corn.

I don't believe that for a second, But for the record, I love corn! Oh.

Why did you stop the truck?
- I don't know.


- You ran out of gas?!
- Didn't you see the gauge says empty?
- It says "e.

"
- I thought that stood for "entirely full.

"
- Oh.

Great.

Now I'm gonna miss grammy pickett's 90th birthday.

Believe me, no one wants to get you to kettlepuke more than I do.

Why? What's in it for you? One word I'd never have to see you again.

Why would you never have to see me again? Is this like that time you put that python under my pillow? No, nothing that horrible.

I was just gonna leave you stranded.


- Stranded?
- Yeah.

You know what, London? No, I am sick of you.

Always being mean to me, putting me down, Leaving dangerous reptiles under my pillow.

Oh!
- That's it.


- Wait wait, where are you going? To get some gas.

I saw a station about five miles back.

Wait! Bailey, you can't just leave me here! What about the corn goblin?! Bailey! Whoo
-hoo.

All right, huddle up! All right, gentlemen, I want you to get out there.

And leave it all on the court! Well, the sky deck.


- Marion
- Marion.

This is just for fun.

We're playing some little kids.

Little kids?! No, don't underestimate them, Dwight! That's what losers do! Are you a loser? Are you, Dwight? Are you a loser loser loser loser loser? Deron, are you texting? Maybe.

Hand it over.

All right, now get out there and don't embarrass me.

Like the time I tried to teach you how to make a quiche.

And you completely botched it.

Yeah, too much salt! I thought it tasted fine.

Okay, guys, remember, As long as we stick to the plan, we can win this.

I'm not going to accidentally hit deron in the knee with a lead pipe.

Fine.

I'll think of something else.

Okay, guys, game to 21.

Your ball first.

Thanks, Dwight.

You know, despite your intimidating size, You seem to be a pleasant sort of fellow.

Thanks, and don't worry, son, You'll fill out once you hit puberty.

I'm 17.

Oh! Quick, pass it.

Woody, pass it.

Pass it.


- Me! Me me me me! Me me me!
- Ooh! I have never blocked a sh*t.

With my belly button before! Okay, deron, let's see what you've got.

Or should I call you puppy lover? Huh? With hair like this, you kind of look like a poodle.


- Hey, kev!
- Ooh! Woody, what happened? Obviously deron has a cloaking device.

He employed to get by me.


- That's ridiculous.


- I'll say.

The amount of energy that deron would need to power a cloaking device.

Would take a generator the size of a building.

Check ball.

Clean.

Whoo hoo! Show
-off.

Check ball.

Still clean.

In your face! Nice sh*t.

I especially like.

Looking at the bottom of your shoes when you jump.

So, Zack, ready to give up? No way.

I'll take deron this time.

Okay, but he's gonna make you survey the ball every time.

Ball in.

Whoo! Sure, easy from so close.


- Why don't you take a step back?
- Okay.

Come on.

Oh! Yow! I bet you couldn't hit it from any farther.

Farther.

Farther.

Farther? Hey, what's going on, Cody? You seem kind of down.

Uhh Woman troubles, my large friend.

But I'm not gonna bother you with 'em.


- Thanks.


- Yeah.

It all started when I stupidly decided.

To do a dry
-run date in Paris.


- Farther!
- I can't go any farther! I'm on the other side of the boat! Uh Okay.

Ball in? Well, that didn't work.

Oh, what's taking Bailey so long? You'd think she'd be back by now with those huge farmer calves of hers.

Oh! Okay okay, relax.

It's just the wind.

Oh oh oh! What was that?! Go away, corn goblin! You'll never get in! Unless you do that.

Aha! Gotcha! You'll never get out.

Unless you do that.

Stop stalking me, you stalk of corn! Wait.

Hold up.

Hold up.

Time out.

I'm getting dizzy.

Can I go the other way? Appreciate it.

You first.

Wait wait.

Come here, come here.

Check check get whoa! I'm gonna barf.

Oh! Ah! Hey, Dwight, I have a question for you.

Is this a foul? I don't think a foul could get more personal than that.

Time out.

Time out.

Get up! Okay, guys, if we lose this game,
- I lose my girlfriend!
- What does it matter? When you're a loser at love, you're a loser at life.

Okay, this is officially.

The most depressing huddle I've ever been in.

Look, it's not enough that you're b*ating them! I want you to grind 'em into dust!
- Make 'em cry!
- I think one of 'em already is.

Bailey.

All right, here is your next play.

Which line am I?
- The blue one.


- But I don't like blue.


- I'm green.

You wanna trade?
- Ah! There's no trading! Now get out there and show me some effort! This is the last time I go on vacation with you.

I told you we should've went to mount rushmore with lebron.

Man, Mr.

Moseby gives you an even harder time than he does me.

Man, he's been trying to tell me what to do.

Since we were the same height.

You have no idea.

What it's like to have such an annoying brother.

You wanna bet? Looking back, I think the real mistake was made.

When I wrote the play about her and then I dressed up as Bailey.

Artistic choice.

I can't believe moseby tricked us into playing you guys.

See, if we lose, we have to clean the whole ship with our toothbrushes.

Oh, man, he used to make me polish his ballet medals.

Kevin, deron, come over here.

Thank you! Oh! Aha! A tire iron! Yes.

I'm gonna turn you into creamed corn! London, stop it! Put that down! The corn goblin knows my name! No, London, it's me! The corn goblin's even more hideous without its mask!
- Give me that!
- Oh! Zack, put your hand out.

Oh! Sorry, I took this.

Man, go to the basket!
- Oh!
- What?
- We scored?
- They scored?! We scored!
- Whoo!
- Oh!
- Oh!
- Yeah!
- Right here.

Gimme that.


- D! What?! Deron, what are you looking at? Look, coach.

You see that constellation right there? It kinda looks like a puppy.

Ah!
- Oh ho!
- Yeah yeah! That's it! Two
-time defensive n.

B.

A.

Player.

Of the year, my patoot!
- Dwight, you're out!
- Excuse me?! You're taking me out? Yeah yeah, one more basket and they win the game.

It's time to bring in the real stopper Marion "the wall" moseby.

Come on.

It's game time.

I'm gonna make you look lamer than those shorts.

Ball in! Ha! I got you.

I got you.

Oh, in your face, in your face, in your face.

Are you done? Oh! Yeah! Yeah! Oh, I never doubted it.

Okay, a little bit.

Time to pay up, Mr.

Lose
-by.


- Oh, dis!
- Oh.

Zip it, Dwight.

Fine, I'm a man of my word.


- Yeah.

Thanks, guys.


- Oh, you're welcome.

I'd do anything to make sure that vein in Marion's neck sticks out.

Oh, I love that vein.

I named it Oscar.

Real good.

All right, here you are Dinner for two in the coral room.

Hey, wait.

This voucher expires tonight.

Maya won't be back for a week.

I had no idea.

Swish! Great.

Now who am I supposed to take to dinner? I'll order the fish, you order the veal and we'll share.

Oh, all right.

But you know this isn't a date, right? Call it what you want.

And you know, on the other hand, Bailey left without so much as a goodbye.

So why should I care? Can I say something? Please? Of course.

All right, if it were me, I would call Bailey.

And tell her how I feel.

You really think I should? Yeah, man.

You only get one sh*t at love.

You don't want to clank it off the rim.

You guys are so right.

I gotta go make a phone call.

Dwight, how could you betray your own brother? I just got tired of you getting on my case.

And by the way, mom likes my quiche better.

That's because the woman has no palate! Oh ho, okay.

Well, I'm gonna tell her that.


- Oh ho, no no no.

Don't, Dwight.

Don't.


- Hello, mom?
- Dwight, hang up!
- Mom, I've got Marion here.

Dwight, don't! Give me the phone! Ooh, I'm gonna I can't believe you pretended to be the corn goblin.


- Just to get back at me.


- Serves you right for treating me so badly.

You know what? You never had me fooled.

I knew there was no such thing as a corn goblin.

Listen
- Start the car!
- Right! The battery's dead! The corn goblin's calling you! No, it's Cody calling.

Cody, thank goodness you called! I need you.

Oh, I'm so glad to hear you say that, Bailey.

Help! Help! Bailey? Are you there?! Hello? Bailey? Bailey? Coming up on "the suite life on deck" Hello? I'm here because I'm worried about Bailey.


- She's here, right?
- No.

My poor baby.

Well, I hope she's not hurt.

Twister! Everyone to the storm cellar! I'll get grammy pickett!