01x58 - The Status Seekers

[bunniefuu]

- Life is like a hurricane

- Here in Duckburg

- Racecars, lasers, airplanes

- it's a duck-blur

- Might solve a mystery

- Or rewrite history

- DuckTales
Ooh-woo-ooh

- Every day they're out there making

- DuckTales
Ooh-woo-ooh

- Tales of derring-do
Bad and good luck tales

- D-d-d-danger

- Watch behind you

- There's a stranger out to find you

- What to do?
Just grab on to some

- DuckTales
Ooh-woo-ooh

- Every day they're out there making

- DuckTales
Ooh-woo-ooh

- Tales of derring-do
Bad and good luck tales

- Ooh-woo-ooh
Not ponytails or cotton tails, no

- DuckTales
Ooh-woo-ooh -

Fourth down and goal to go.
Will Huey pass to McDuck,

or run it in himself?

Every spectator in the stands
is hushed with anticipation.

Tension's so thick,
you could cut it with a Kn*fe.

As the clock ticks ominously away...

Aw, cut the gab, Uncle Scrooge,
and hike the darn ball, will ya?

Sure, lads.
As soon as that elephant leaves.

- What elephant?
- Hike!

Go long, Uncle Scrooge!

- Hey, no fair!
- I'm clear! I'm clear!

Head for home plate, Mr. McDuck.

I got it. I got it!

Stop the car, Vincent.

I suggest you take this bloated toy away
from Scrooge McDuck's money bin

before he has you arrested.

- But I'm Scrooge McDuck.
- Nonsense.

Anyone with that much money
would never wallow in the mud.

- But... But...
- To the new car dealer, Vincent.

This one is dirty.

Oh, don't pay that snob
any mind, sir.

Yeah, you can play football
if you want to.

Yeah, you're the richest duck
in the world.

With or without mud.

No, she has a point, lads.

If I want to attract rich clients,
I've got to start acting rich.

Fine, sir. Then we'll get you cleaned up
right after your peanut butter sandwich.

No, Beakley.
No more common food for me.

Today, Scrooge McDuck is lunching
with his fellow rich folks.

What'll you have, Mr. McDuck?
The usual?

No hot dogs today, Joe.
I'm thinking of eating in there.

You kidding? They charge two bucks
for a glass of water.

I know, I know. But it's time
I started showing everybody

that I've got a little class.

Oh, so now my hot dogs don't have
enough class for you anymore, huh?

- Now wait, Joe.
- Well, fine!

Fine.

- I'd like a table.
- Oui, monsieur.

Not we, just me.

No, monsieur. I said "oui. "

That is the classy
French word for "yes. "

Uh, thank you.

I mean, souffle.

Great Scot, look at these prices.

Oh, well. It's worth it to make a good
impression with these snooty folks.

It might even help my business.

GarCon, give me the most
expensive dish on the menu.

Make that two.
And throw on a side of fries.

- Good grief, it's Launchpad!
- Yo, Mr. McD!

I just remembered that you
owed me a lunch, so I dropped in.

Shh! How did you find me?

I ran into Joe.
Boy, he was as steamed as his hot dogs.

Well, now that you're here,
try to show a little class.

No sweat, Mr. McD.
"Little class" is my middle name.

Voila.

- Starboard engine's ablaze.
- No, Launchpad, it's all right.

Excuse moi.

I think my social standing
just sat down.

Well, must be going, all. Reservoir.

You know, Mr. McD,
I'd skip this joint if I were you.

They don't even serve burritos.

Not even my beautiful money
can cheer me up today.

I spent my whole life
acquiring a fortune,

but there's no one to impress with it.

I never even get invited
to fancy parties.

Well, I'm going to change that.

Tonight, Scrooge McDuck
takes his place in society.

Next time, Vincent,
let's bring the big car.

Sorry, old bean, but this party's
only for important people.

Get the hint?

Aye, I know. The Association
of Status Seekers, right?

I want to join.

What makes
you think you'd qualify?

I have 72 kajillion dollars.

And a battered hat. So what?

To get in here, old bean,
you need status.

Something every snob
in town is dying to own.

Well, I don't know about status,
but I own this hotel.

Oh, well, then I supposed
I can at least show you around.

Now, over there is Gloria Snootlick.

She enjoys the status
of owning expensive necklaces.

You call
that dog collar jewelry, darling?

With my big diamond, no one
can out-status Lady Delardo.

Maybe she should get a chauffeur
to drive that thing.

Speaking of driving,
here's Dr. Kunstenweimer.

Ja. I just bought
my tenth Rolls Canardly.

But, of course. One needs
at least ten for status these days.

OK. What entitles that guy to be here?

Oh, he owns the pink Fakasso.

Sold his father's gold teeth to buy it.

He gets invited to all the parties.

That's one way to cut your food costs.

You still don't get it, old bean.

Look, I'm the president of the
Status Seekers for important reason:

I own this,

Breath of a Salesman.

Yuck. That's almost as ugly
as the Mask of Kuthululu.

Don't laugh, old bean.

Anyone here would give their grandmother
for that status symbol.

- The Mask of Kuthululu is marvelous.
- It's hideous.

- I'm glad I got rid of it.
- You owned the Mask of Kuthululu?

Where is it?
I'll give you a million dollars for it.

- Two million!
- Five! Ten!

- Just give me that mask!
- Do you mean to say

that with that monstrosity,
I could get into your club?

Get in? Why, we'd make you
our new president.

- What?
- Move over, old bean.

You're about to be out-snobbed.

Odd bodkins. This Club Fed
penitentiary is really nice.

If I ever get arrested,
I'll demand to be sent here.

The Blueblood Beagle Boys
will see you now, sir.

Follow me, please.

I say, Bernaise, do you feel up
to a game of polo?

Oh, no, Bicep, we did that yesterday.

Charles Upstuck llI
to see you gentlemen.

Welcome, Charles.
How good to see you again.

What can we do for you,
as it were?

I need you to pull a little job
for me, Bonaparte.

We'd love to help, Charles.

But the Jail Birdie is next week.

Ah, yes, prison golf tournament.

Correct. Fore!

Would an original Van Goat
change your social calendar?

Ooh!

Status supreme. It's a deal.

Oh, guard! Pack our bags and tell the
warden we've escaped for a week or so.

Mmm, very good, sir.

Don't look now, Uncle Scrooge.

Every status seeker in town
is following us.

They're hoping I'll lead
them straight to the Mask of Kuthululu.

Get below, everyone!

Why, that rotten, rude nobody!

He's got a submarine.

- Take her down, lads.
- Aye, aye, Captain Scrooge.

That'll lose them.
Well, crew, what's for lunch?

- Peanut butter sandwiches.
- Yeah!

We're far out to sea now.
Let's look around.

Uh-oh. There's a ship about one mile
behind us on the same course.

Zig to the south, Launchpad,
and try not to hit anything.

Aye, aye, sir.

So enough secrecy, already.
Where are we headed, Uncle Scrooge?

Right here. The island of Ripantero.

Years ago, I swapped the mask there
for a bushel of emeralds.

- Mr. McDuck, come here!
- Oh, what is it, Beakley?

- That ship is still on our tail.
- There's something fishy going on.

All right, lads, evasive action.

Zig east, then zag north,
run in circles,

dive, then double back twice.

Did he say
zig west or zag west?

- Not west, east.
- What?

East! East!

OK, crew. Let's see how badly
we out-maneuvered that ship.

It's still there. Who are those guys?

Ha ha ha. That sub-sonic beeper
I hid on McDuck's cargo crates

really did the trick.

We'll be able to track him anywhere.

But why doesn't his equipment
pick up the sound?

It does, but Scrooge
completely ignores it.

You see,
it's the love call of a jellyfish.

And Scrooge's beeper
sounds just like it.

But doesn't that signal
attract other jellyfish?

Who cares? Since when did jellyfish
need a status symbol?

We've got to figure out some way
to lose that ship. If only I could...

Whoa!

- What is that?
- About a 6.8 on the Richter.

Galloping guppies!
We're in big trouble!

What is it, Dewey, lad?

A jellyfish as big as the Astrodome
is hugging our ship to pieces.

This is terrible. Dreadful. Ghastly.

Hey, why don't we fire
some torpedoes at it?

- Sorry, Louie, there aren't any.
- Terrific.

I've eaten chili with more
fire-power than this tub.

Hey, chili! That's it!

Louie, get a box
while I find the chili powder!

- Oh, I get it.
- Grab the pepper too, Dewey.

- Get all the spices.
- What are you guys up to?

You'll see, Launchpad.
Open torpedo tubes.

Fire!

What is that?

It looks like the Goodyear blimp
eating a submarine sandwich.

Nice try, lads. But now we're airborne.

Ah, back in my natural element.

The sky, the airy reaches,
the wild blue yonder.

Fine, but can you get us back down
to the mild blue under?

Huh? Oh, yeah. I've got an idea.

Sit on those crates
while I switch these cables.

Rock and roll!

Well, anyway, we're alive
and free of that amorous zeppelin.

Right. Now let's get back on course.

Just a minuto, Mr. McD.
I've gotta update my crash chart.

- Submarine, check.
- You have a crash chart?

Yep, it's for my insurance company.
Ten more crashes, I get a toaster.

I don't believe it. They actually
outwitted that uncouth blob.

Yes, and now they is headed
off to the island of Ripantero.

So that's where the Mask of Kuthululu
is. Full steam ahead, gentlemen!

Ah, the island of Ripantero. We won!

Don't count your chickens
before they're masked. Look!

Those strangers b*at us here.

Bring those crates, lads. I'm going
to get to the bottom of this right now.

Those scoundrels can't be
far ahead of us, crew. Follow me!

- Whoa!
- Whoa!

I don't remember any tiger traps
on Ripantero.

Let's just call it a recent
land development, old bean.

I should have known. Charles Stick 'Em
Up llI and his ditch-digging friends.

After I rearrange your face, McDuck,

I'll ignore that unkind remark.

Forget these lowlifes, Bicep.
We're here for the Mask of Kuthululu.

Ta-ta, old bean.

Now I want to take
his presidency more than ever.

Well, then quit squawking,
Uncle Scrooge, and give us a hand.

Yeah, opportunity knocks
only skin deep.

Well, chief, how about trading the mask
for this stylish diamond-studded watch.

Me no need ticky-tocker. When light,
me work. When dark, me sleep.

- Fine, fine. What about a nice...?
- Poke in the snout?

- McDuck.
- Forget this scoundrel.

I'll give you this solid-gold Squawkman.

I'll give you a solid-gold Gadillac.

- A bottle of emeralds.
- Paris original for your wife.

Moon-rock earrings.

No, no, my friends.

Look around.
We no need such things.

But in Duckburg,
these is big status symbols.

In Ripantero, these are big junk.

We keep mask. Ta-ta.

- All that work.
- For nothing.

By the way, chief,
what is a status symbol here?

You mean, what makes one man

- more envied than another?
- Yeah.

A big tummy.

That's a symbol
that carries a lot of weight.

Chiefy, I have something here that'll
add inches to your social standing.

- Inches?
- Calorie-loaded peanut butter.

McDuck, you got a deal.

Yippee! Now I'm the king
of the social jungle.

Too bad, old bean.

Behold the Mask of Kuthululu.

- My treasure!
- Then let's bury it.

- Thanks, chief. Enjoy.
- Yep. Happy scales to you.

Yum, yum.

Sorry, Charles.
You must be devastated.

That upstart thinks he'll get my
presidency without a social scuffle.

But I've not yet begun to fight.
Not by a long sh*t.

Phew! Lmagine common peanut butter

being worth more than
this crate full of fancy doodads.

- And lighter too.
- Hey! What's this?

It looks like a tracking device.

No wonder Charles Upstuck the Nerd
was able to follow us.

- Get rid of it, Huey.
- Right.

It's the long lob!

Cast off, lads.
We're heading back for Duckburg.

Yeah!

Ah, the Mask of Kuthululu,
mine once more.

Mr. McDuck, why would you want
to own such an abomination?

Well...

...because there's only one like it
in the world.

- Thank goodness for that.
- It's a gross-out, Uncle Scrooge.

Aye, lad. But when you can afford
the best and you buy the worst,

- that's a sign of true status.
- Something you'll never have.

You again.

Kindly hand over the mask, McDuck,

and you'se won't have to be barbecued.
Like this.

Periscope down.

At times like these, I remember
the words of the immortal Socrates:

Youch!

The latest in aero-space lasers. Even
my weapons have more status than you.

Now hand over the mask.

- Never!
- Just give him the hideous thing.

No! If these sharks think they can rob
me with that overgrown flashlight,

- they can just go fish.
- Fine.

Then allow me to change your status
from "old bean"

to "refried bean. "

Bicep, light up his life.

Give him the mask,
Uncle Scrooge! It's not worth it.

Hey, who stole the sun?

Hey, call our lawyer.

- Hey! Get us out of here!
- Listen.

That blob of jelly must have liked
that beeper we sent over.

Hold-up's over, Launchpad.
Steer us out of here.

I say, old bean,
you can't just leave us here like this.

Here's a clue for you all.
Put a little spice in his life.

Gesundheit.

Congratulations, Mr. McDuck.
The mask is absolutely stunning.

And now that you own
the ultimate status symbol,

we hereby proclaim you
our new president.

Here here.

Squeeze me bagpipes.
Now I'm one of you.

Yeah, as long as you
don't do anything embarrassing.

Embarrassing? Like what?

Like last week's little fiasco
in the restaurant.

Oh. Oh, that.

Well, that was really my friend's fault.

Then we don't want friends like that,
now do we, Mr. McDuck?

Uh, no.

Those Muddy football games are out too.

- Right, Mr. President?
- Uh... uh, right, right.

Excuse me.

Whew. This social climbing
is making me afraid of heights.

Hi, Uncle Scrooge! Sorry we're late.

Yeah. Well, actually, lads, you're
early. Can you come back tomorrow?

I brought you your favorite
peanut butter cr*cker treats.

I don't like them anymore,
and neither do my friends.

Uncle Scrooge? Are you
saying those snobs are invited

- and we're not?
- I have to keep up appearances.

- You understand.
- Even I understand, Mr. McD.

We're not good enough for you anymore.

But don't you see, I need these people.
They're important.

It hurts to be an outsider.

Kindly elevate your appendages and
no one will be physically discomforted.

- What did he say?
- Stick 'em up and you won't get hurt.

If Mr. McD wants us to leave,
now would be a good time.

Yeah. But even if he doesn't want us
right now, he definitely needs us.

Right. Let's give
those galoots what for.

Let's not have any heroes, all right?

Come on, friends.
We can take them if we all charge.

What? And get our hands dirty?

Forget it, old bean.
They won't help you.

Old bean!
Why, you're Charles Upstuck III.

No... No, I'm not.

Oh, yes, he is.

Charles, I'm writing a very stern note
to the committee about this.

Heads up!

I believe this is an apropos time
to depart, Bicep.

I concur.

No, stick around, boys.
And I do mean stick.

Have one on me, buddy.

Upstuck carries the ball to the 20,
the 15, the ten.

But McDuck brings him down
at the one-yard line.

You did swell, crew. Thank you.

Yes, yes, very nice.

But the fact remains,
they can't stay at this party.

You ungrateful pack of snobs.

These are my friends.
They may be common to you,

but at least they have the common sense
to do the right thing.

Then go back to your hot dogs
and football, McDuck,

- because you'll never be one of us.
- Fine.

Then I don't have to pretend
that I like this ugly mask anymore.

The mask! I want it!

- No, I want it!
- I want that mask!

They're not such a bad lot after all.

They like playing in the mud
more than we.