01x04 - Tell Me Lies

[bunniefuu]

[ blues theme playing ]

Jake, let me
give you a little tip.

Whatever you do, never ever
go to a hospital.

You got a problem,

throw yourself
in front of a train.

It's quicker,
it's cheaper,

and it's a hell of a lot
less paperwork.

[ groans ]

Patient of mine
went in the hospital

this morning for surgery.

By the time I get there,

he's gone.

Oh, John, I'm sorry.

No, he's not dead.

He's gone.
They lost him.

Tsk.

They physically lost
the entire person.

Oh, yeah, they can
keep track

of their $25 aspirins

and their $40 Q-tips,

but apparently,

poor unconscious
Mr. Borelli

was just a little
too slippery for 'em.

[ puts papers
on table ]

[ grunts ]

But at least it was
all worthwhile.

When I got Mr. Borelli
up to his room,

he found the perfect way
to thank me.

Threw up all over
my shoes.

[ chuckles ]

So...how's your day?

Still blind.

Uh-huh. You win again.

Oh, hey,
Reg.

Give me one of my cigarettes
there, will you?

You know...

I'm a little
sick of you

stashing your bad habit
in my cash register.

You wanna smoke, smoke.
You wanna quit, quit.

Just stop wasting my time

with this ridiculous
self-delusional game.

I don't know what happened
to you this morning,

but someone threw up on me.

Hey, she bit
my head off too.

Which actually
makes no sense.

I mean...you, I get.

You're an opinionated
loudmouth.

But me...uh,

I'm lovable.

You know what
I'm doing right now?

Mm.

I'm giving you
the finger.

John, I'm blind,
I'm poor,

and I'm running
a newsstand in the Bronx.

God gave me the finger
long before you ever did.

[ chuckles ]

[ blues theme playing ]

Hey, what do you
gotta do

to get a cup of coffee
around here?

Here. Might be
a little strong.

You know, I can't help
but notice

you're acting a little--

What was that word
you used, Jake?

Oh, yeah: bitchy.

I never said
that. I agree,

but I never said that.

I'm sorry, you guys.

I got a letter that

kind of upset me
this morning,

but I'm working it out.

Anything you wanna
talk about?

No. It's personal.

Enough said. Personal.
Got it.

Thank you.
You're welcome.

Now, when you say
personal, Reg, do you--

Becker.

Wh--
[ sighs ]

What's your problem?

I mean, I share with you.
I come in here every day

and I-- I tell you everything
that's on my mind.

I know. And I wish
you'd stop.

That's not
the point.

The point is, you've been here
a couple of months,

and you know lots
about us,

and we know absolutely
nothing about you.

Well, maybe that's
because I don't

want you to
know anything.

Yeah. How do we
get you past that?

You know, when
your father was alive,

we used to sit here
and talk for hours.

And now I know
what k*lled him.

You're just gonna
sit there all day

until I tell you,
aren't you?

I could rearrange
my schedule.

Hey, let's face it,
where am I going?

Okay.

It's about a guy.

Isn't it always?

I met him when I
first moved to Miami,

summer of '91.

Ball player. You know,
the Marlins.

Okay, now this is
getting good. Who was it?

No, uh--
Come on, don't be nosy.

All right? She'll
tell us when she's ready.

Who?

Never mind that.

We kind of hit it off,
and what can I say?

Two weeks later,
we were living together.

Which we did
for seven years.

I wanted to get married,

and he was a little
afraid of commitment.

Infielder or outfielder?

Oh, please, Jake,
will you? Go-- Go on.

Well...

then my father got sick,

and I came up here
to help out.

And this morning,
I got a letter.

He met someone else,
and he's getting married.

Guess he worked out
those commitment issues.

So if I'm not myself today,

you know, that's why.

BOTH:
Oh. That's bad. I'm sorry.

I wish--
Yeah, real bad.

BECKER:
Yeah, that sucks.

I'm sorry.

Now that I see
how hard she took it...

I'm kind of sorry
I went along with you on this.

[ blues theme playing ]

Look, Mr. Slovoski,
we're a doctor's office.

We need those supplies.

Mm. Things are a little
tight this month.

Can't you extend us
some credit?

[ jackhammer pounding
outside ]

When you're done laughing,
we can continue.

Now, that's better--

They're out there
again, Margaret.

That slack-ass
road crew

that follows me
around the city.

I'm on the phone.

Look at this.
Look at this.

One guy with
a jackhammer,


meatball sandwiches.

Yeah, you don't see
any of them

holding up a
"men working" sign either.

None of them could do it
with a straight face.

Mr. Slovoski,

I'm gonna have to
get back to you.

Slovoski?

Medical-supply guy?

Well, you-- You really
need to talk to him, Margaret.

Why didn't I think of that?

Well, let's get on the ball
around here.

We're running out
of everything:

syringes, swabs,
tongue depressors.

Is it too much
to ask you

to keep this place supplied?

Don't you use
that tone with me,

John Becker.

We don't have the money

to order supplies.

Mr. DeSantro?
[ washing
hands ]

Maybe you forgot,

but we had to repair

the x-ray machine.

And I thought it might be
a nice idea

to pay your
malpractice insurance.

No-- It's okay.

They make
everyone get it.

Those are details, Margaret.

You're the detail
person. Handle it.

There's that
tone again.

Now, Theresa Campbell
is in 1,

Mr. DeSantro's in 2.

Oh, and heads up.

Mr. Schmalen is
back there somewhere.

Oh, brother.

Now, I will get you
your supplies

if you just
stay out of my hair.

You know something,
Margaret?

Sometimes I think you don't
give me the respect I deserve.

You're right.

I give you more
than you deserve.

Linda, would you
please

pull Mr. DeSantro's
x-rays?

I'm gonna...
[ sighs ]

Okay.

Where exactly
are you right now?

Well, I'm right here,

but you always tell me
not to talk to you,

so I didn't know if
I should say anything.
Uh-huh.

But if we're actually
having a conversation,

that's so cool,

because I've been trying to
find a blood red lipstick.

And now that I see
the color of real blood,

I was thinking,
if I could

take this down
to the drugstore, I could--

Linda...

daughter of darkness,

listen to me
carefully.

Blood goes from here
to the lab.

No detours
to the drugstore.

I'm sorry, doctor.

It will never happen again.

Excuse me for having
a fashion sense.

You know you can't
dry your hands in there?

You got no paper towels,
no toilet paper.

What is this, Russia?

It's a pleasure to see
you too, Mr. Schmalen.

Let me guess: you don't have
an appointment, right?

Maybe it would be
easier for you

if I just dropped dead.

Maybe. But not right here.

It's kind of
a high-traffic area.

So you're busy. So--

Do you at least have time
for a little chess?

Oh. All right, I'll try.

Margaret, Schmalen,
chessboard.

Got it!

Margaret, the doctor said

to give me
the chessboard.

Yeah, I heard him,
Mr. Schmalen.

I am on the phone.

N-n-n-n-n-n-no,

you see, Mr. Slovoski,

some of our patients,

they pay us with services
instead of money,

you know? You know,
barter.

Maybe I have something
you could use.

Uh-- Uh-- Uh,
plumbing repair,

fresh produce.

[ quietly ]:
Uh, free HBO?

What-- What--
Whatever you need.

Excuse me?

No, I am proud to say
I do not know

any women in
that profession.

Wh--? Repair the heater
in your truck?

Now, that is much better.
Now, let me see.

Uh...

Uh, nothing on my list,

but I will see
what I can do.

Hey...sweetheart,

tell the doctor

I'm ready and I'm white.

Excuse me, sir,

but the doctor
does not discriminate.

He takes patients
in the order they come in.

I'm sorry you had
to hear that.

I am on the phone.

So the twins start
calling each other names,

and the baby starts to cry.
He throws his juice cup,

misses them, but
he hits the big one.

Then he comes over,
smacks the baby,

runs out into the street.
I go after him,

I trip over a stoop,
and here I am.

Well, Theresa, you're
lucky it's just sprained.

Okay, puts lots
of ice on that

and try to
stay off it.

Yeah, that's gonna happen.
Me with four kids.

Don't you have anyone
who can help out?

No, not really.

My sister works, and...

my new boyfriend,
he hasn't exactly

warmed up to the kids yet.

But I think
that's gonna change

as soon as he
has one of his own.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Let's review, shall--?

Four kids, right?

No fathers around,

and you're planning
on having number five

with some new guy,
just to see

if he might want
one of his own?

Well, what is that,
like a test drive?

[ groans ]

Come on, Dr. Becker,

don't start this again.

Well, what do you
expect me to say?

Your-- Your life's
like a bad game show.

You only get asked
one question,

and the answer's
always yes.

And then the contestant
gets to go home,

and then you're stuck
with a lovely parting gift.

Hey. I love my kids.

Theresa, nobody
in this neighborhood

doubts your ability
to love.

Nobody.

You know what I ought to
prescribe for you?

Velcro.

Here's what
you do.

You put one piece
on each knee.

When you hear this sound...
[ Velcro ripping ]

...stop and think about
what you're doing.

You know--

You are gonna end up
with even more children,

and you cannot provide
for the ones you got now.

Too rough?

Yeah. A little bit.

I'm sorry.

I'm right...

but I'm sorry.

But I'm right.

[ door closes ]

What are you doing,
making a toast?

Am I supposed to
give this to you?

Good God, no. No.

Linda.
Yeah?

Yeah. Uh,

take Mr. Sutthoff's
sample, please.

And I don't care if you're
trying to match eye shadow.

That goes straight to
the lab.

Eye shadow?

It's pee.

[ clears throat ]

I, uh, owed
her father a favor.

I'd say you're even.

Hey, look, doc,
am I gonna be okay?

I got plans to go down

and catch spring training
this year.

Oh, you're fine, Eddie.
Just a minor infection.

Listen, um...

Baseball, uh--
Uh--

Maybe you can
help me out here.

Uh, I'm trying to
remember the name

of a player for
the Marlins in '91.

Waste of time.

They weren't a franchise
till '93.

Well-- I'll be damned.

She lied to me.

Hey, look, can I
get dressed?

I'm standing here
in a coffee filter.

Uh--

Yeah, I'm sorry. Go--
Go ahead. Margaret?

On the phone.

I'll be right back.

What am I,
invisible?

It's your move.

All right, Schmalen.

Here you go.

I don't think he really
wanted to do that.

Hey...Schmalen.
Put it back.

[ blues theme playing ]

She lied to us.

What are you
talking about?

Reggie. You know
the story

about the boyfriend
who played for the Marlins?

There were no Marlins
in '91.

Oh, yeah. That's right.

Well, I guess she really
didn't want us to know then.

Well, if she didn't
want us to know,

then why didn't
she say something?

Well, she did.

She said she didn't
want us to know.

Why am I even
talking to you?

Hey, Becker.

Hey, nothing.
You lied to us.

Excuse me?
This morning,

when you asked me
for my help,

I offered you my expertise,
my understanding--

All right, you know,
I'll say it: my wisdom.

And you just spit in my face.

First of all, Mr. Wisdom,
it's "spat."

Well, I'm sorry
we couldn't all

go to Columbia
University.

You went to Harvard.

So I'm smarter
than you are.

That's not the point.

The point is you lied to us.

Why are you
so interested anyway?

I am not interested.

It is my training.

I am a healer,
a diagnostician.

I see somebody in pain,

I ask 'em what's
bothering them.

It's all about sensitivity
and compassion.

Why, just this morning,

I helped a young
unwed mother

through a very difficult time.

Doc. Doc,
forget about it.

She doesn't want us
to know,

we don't need
to know.

Thank you,
Jake.

All right,
all right.

But...

for her to go through
all this trouble...

it's got to be something
very, very big.

BECKER:
You know, I think
you're right.

Maybe this guy
she's involved with

wasn't even...
a guy.

Mm.

You two are pathetic.

Boy. Explains a lot,
doesn't it?

The surliness,
the bad attitude,

the sensible
shoes.

Would you stop?

It's not about a woman.

Yeah, still,
why the shoes?
[ chuckles ]

Forget the shoes!

Oh, all right,
I'll tell you.

I'm broke.

My best friend
in the world, Trish,

is a stockbroker.

I completely trusted her.

So when she said she had
a can't-miss investment,

I gave her
all my savings.

Well, that's dumb.

Sorry. Go on.

Long story short,

she stole every penny.

The letter was
from a lawyer

telling me that
there was nothing

I can do about it.

Are you happy now?

Oh, boy. Bad.
Oh, bad.

That's wrong--
I'm sorry.
Sorry.

That-- That's...
Yeah.

A letter.
Gee, boy.
Bad.

Boy, she's
really upset.
Mm-hm.

Hope you're
proud of yourself.

[ blues theme playing ]

Mr. Isaacs, you've got
your cell phone.
[ quacks ]

Now, you're gonna repair
Mr. Slovoski's truck?

Perfect. Ha.

Mr. Gregory, I'm back.

Everything is all set up.
[ giggles ]

Yes. I have the duck.

[ quacking ]

I'm back.
Who's next?

Mrs. Sullivan is in 3.
And you're late.

Are we playing chess
or not?

Um...

Um, I couldn't
wait all day,

so I made
a few moves for you.

You played just as poorly
as I thought you would.

Yeah, well,
chew on that.

Uh, Mrs. Sullivan
is waiting.

Oh. Sullivan.

Is she the one
with the lazy eye?

Yes.

I never know which one
to look at.

The left one.

[ sighs ]
Uh...

Her left.

Didn't we
already have

the barnyard-animal
discussion?

Just go.
[ quacking ]

[ blues theme playing ]

Oh, no, Mr. Gregory.

You can't back out now.

If you don't do the dry wall,

the whole deal falls apart,

and I don't get
my medical supplies.

We had a deal.

I got you a duck.

And I was nice enough

not to ask you
what you wanted it for.

Uh, Mr. Gregory?
[ dial tone ]

Hello?

Damn!

Uh, Margaret?

Not now, Mr. Schmalen.

I am in the middle
of something.

Okay, okay, but

you need
medical supplies,

my neighbor's
in the business.

He owes me a favor.

I can get you
whatever you need.

Really?
Yeah.

I would have said
something before,

but I don't like to
be a bother.

Oh. Mr. Schmalen,

I love you.

Mm. Ha-ha!
Heh.

I had fewer questions
about the duck.

Hey, doc, are we
playing chess today,

or should I just
go screw myself?

Nah, we'll finish the game.

All right.

[ groans ]

[ laughs ]

Got your rook.

[ imitates laugh ]

Checkmate.

You b*at me.
How did you do that?

I got a nephew. Thirty-eight.

We have to pin his bus pass
to his sleeve.

He could b*at you.

Well...I think
I'll call it a day.

So you're feeling a little
bit better, are you?

Well, my, uh-- My bursitis
was acting up.

But it feels okay now.

Honey. A little
tip.

Next time I come in...

it wouldn't k*ll you
to offer me a little coffee.

Maybe a Danish.

And by the way...

they invented brassieres
for a reason.

See you, doc.

Do I have to take that
from him?
[ door closes ]

Plus, he just
walked out of here

without paying his bill.

Well, there is no bill.

There's nothing wrong
with him.

His wife passed away
a few years ago,

and most of his friends

are either...

dead or living
in Florida.

Same difference.

So until Medicare
starts covering loneliness,

Schmalen comes in here,
we play a little chess,

he goes home feeling
better than he did.

That's really
nice of you.

Maybe when I'm 80,
you'll get off my ass.

[ slow blues theme playing ]

[ outer door opens ]

Hey, Jake, how you doing?

Oh, I'm glad
you're here, John.

Our friend Reggie
lied to us again.

What do you mean?
Hey,

remember that story
she told us about Trish?

The best friend
that betrayed her

and stole all her money?

Well, they're going
skiing next month.

I heard her making
plans on the phone.

Are you sure
you heard her right?

John. I do one thing,
and I do it well.

Hey, Reg?
[ door opens ]

Yeah, what do
you need?

You lied to us again,
didn't you?

Me, lie to you?

[ laughs ]:
Yes, I did.

How could you do that?

Actually, it was pretty easy.

The stuff about
the baseball player

happened to
a friend of mine.

And the whole
backstabbing thing,

I kind of came up with
on the spot.

I'm real proud of that one.

But maybe now
you'll get it.

My business is
none of your business.

All right. All right.
All right.

For some reason, you don't
want me to know.

I accept that.

I just want you to know

that I was trying
to be friendly,

to get to know you
a little bit better.

That's all. But you
obviously don't want that,

so I will just
come in every morning,

order my coffee, and I will
leave you alone.

Good.
[ perturbed ]:
Just doesn't seem fair.

I mean, my-- My life
is an open book.

Oh, you're
so full of it.

If ever there was
a closed book, it's you.

You're a doctor,
you live alone.

That's pretty much
all I know.

He's afraid of spiders.

Hey, shut up, Jake.

Well, you are.
You're like a little girl.

Becker, if you really
wanna know about me,

I'll tell you
anything you want.

But it's a two-way street.

What do you mean?

If you get to ask me
a question,

then I get to ask you one.

Fine. I wanna know
what's in the letter.

I don't know why
I wanna know,

I just do.

And don't lie to me
this time.

Fine.

I'm overdrawn
at the bank.

Sor--? Excuse me?

I'm overdrawn.

The letter is a bank
statement.

That's it?

I waste my whole day

on your checking account?

It has to come out
to the penny.

It's a point
of pride with me.

Besides, you're the ones

that blew it
out of proportion.

Wa-- Wait. No ball players?

No lesbians? No nothing?

Well, no wonder you don't
like to talk about your life.

It's boring.

Good night.

Uh, hold it.

You owe me a question.

What?
Oh. We had a deal.

Now it's my turn.

Fine. Ask your question.

My father said
you were

some sort of hotshot
researcher at Harvard.

Now you have a tiny little
practice in the Bronx.

What are you
hiding from?

I just asked you about
your checking account.

I'm waiting.

[ sighs ]

I am not hiding from anything.

I-- I think I was
just tired--

[ clears throat ]
You know, I probably--

My-- My marriage w--

Y-- You know something?

It's none of your business.

And I respect that.

Ah.

Good night,
Becker.

Good night, Reggie.

[ blues theme playing ]

Hey, doesn't anybody want to
know anything about me?

[ blues theme playing ]