01x10 - "P.C. World"

[bunniefuu]

[ blues theme playing ]

[ rap music playing ]

♪ So tell me what the hell
You gonna do... ♪

Hey! Or should I say, "Yo!"

Either turn down that stereo
or roll up your windows.

Or better yet,
get the hell outta here!

I don't care
if your taste in music

is MC Rap Daddy Dog whatever.

Just don't force me
to listen to it.

You know,
I don't drive by his house

and blast James Taylor, do I?

James Taylor?
I know I'm blind, John,

but, uh, exactly
how white are you?

I'm about as white
as your cane there, Blinky.

Coffee to go there, Reg.

To go? Thank God.

I swear, the world
would be a better place

if they'd let me get rid
of six idiots a day.

You know, thin out the herd
a little.

[ laughing ]:
You're not serious.

The hell I'm not.

I could find six idiots
before breakfast,

still have my whole
day ahead of me.

For starters, I'd get rid of
that guy out there with the--

With the boom box on wheels.

And then-- Oh, yeah, yeah.

Those people
who have hibachis

and cook chicken out
on the street. I hate that.

And then, those--
Those cab drivers,

you know,
who think that showering

is just for months with
the letter "R" in them.

Oh, Reg, a little hint:
unlike wine,

coffee does not
get better with age.

See you, Jake.

JAKE:
Later.

Does, uh--? Does that
guy come in here often?

Every day.

Is he always like that?

Every day.

[ tires squealing and crash ]

Oh, what happened?

Oh, no, Becker got
into another accident.

You know what he should do?

Just hang tires around
the outside of his car.

Please don't bring it in here.
Please don't bring it in--

Some idiot
just ran into me.

Reg, get me a--

Yes, I know. Paper and pencil.

You know, Becker,
you ought to get one of those

"How am I driving?"
bumper stickers.

Give people
something to read

while they're waiting
for the ambulance.

Hey, what's your problem? You
didn't look, you didn't check.

You just pulled out right
into traffic.

The hell I did!
I signaled.

Yeah, right.

You know, even I hadn't,

how could you miss
a boat like mine?

I mean, don't you
know how to drive?

I swear,
you people make me nuts.

You know,
you're all over the road,

as if the rules
don't apply to you.

See you in court.

Yeah, right.

Surprised
you can see anything.

Yeah.
Four eyes!

I swear, you know, six a day.
That's all I ask. Six a day.

Who the hell is he?

John Becker.
He's a doctor.

He's got an office
a couple blocks over.

How sick do you have
to be to go to that guy?

[ blues theme playing ]

No, Mr. Stark, I checked.

You did not leave
your prosthetic leg here.

I don't know.

Why don't you try
retracing your steps?

[ laughing ]

No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
It just slipped out.

I know, I know,
I'm late.

It's just so hard to get
a cab in this city.

I thought
you take the subway.

Yes, because
I can never get a cab.

Gee, Margaret,
I listen when you talk.

Dr. Becker is late.

When he comes in,
tell him I'm in the back

checking the inventory.

Okay. So, what's going on?
Is Dr. Becker in?

Just watch the desk.

I'm Rochelle Gelman.

I'm here for my 9:15 appointment
with the doctor.

Great. Just sign in,
and he'll be right with you.

But, while you're waiting,
I happen to be the new area rep

for the Lady Fair
cosmetics and skin care line.

Please, let me show you

our fine family of products.

When did you start
selling cosmetics here?

Since I went a little nuts
with my Visa card.

Morning.

What are you doing sneaking
in the back door?

I'm not sneaking.

I had to walk
from the coffee shop,

so I cut through the alley.

You been back there lately?

It's a magical world
of bodily fluids.

What happened to your car?

Some dimwit ploughed into it.
It's a wreck.

But how can you tell?

You know, every time I think God
can't screw me any worse,

he pulls out
the old Black & Decker

and twists a little harder.

Interesting.
You're being persecuted

by a God
you don't believe in.

That's why he's after me,
Margaret.

[ blues theme playing ]

Well,
your nose is not broken.

If I were you,
I'd stay off it for a few days.

So, what happened,
anyway?

There I am,
minding my own business,

and someone comes up
and hits me on my nose.

Heh. A New York cabbie
punched in the nose.

Applause, applause, applause.

Please, mine is
an honorable profession.

Yes, of course, it is,
Mr. Hara, Harnya--

Haranya Garba.

Right. Exactly.

Yeah, so what'd you do to get
him to hit you like that?

Did you take him to the airport
by way of Cuba?

Was it the French Connection
ride across town?

Or what did you do,
did you screw with the meter

to triple charge him?
What was it?

You know, you passengers
aren't any picnic.

Stiffing me on fares.

Burning cigarette
holes in my seats.

You know something,
you're right. I--

I apologize. I shouldn't just
assume that this was your fault.

How did it happen, though?

It was the triple charging.

Thank you.

Ladies, nothing colors your
world like the right lipstick.

Now, Mrs. Corigliani,
you're an autumn.

So I think you should try
Forever Taupe.

That way,
you can wear your lips to work

and to an elegant evening out
at a chic club or discotheque.

Perfect.

LINDA:
Now, let's try this blush.

What is going on here?

I'm trying to bring out
Mrs. Corigliani's cheekbones.

Hang tight.
It could take a while.

Ladies, ladies, would you
take your seats, please?

This is a doctor's office,
not Bloomingdale's.

Linda's World
of Beauty is closed.

It's not like the patients

have anything else
to do while they wait.

But you do.

Oh, come on, Margaret,

I'm just trying to make
some extra money.

You're gonna have to find
a new way to make any money

if I catch you
doing this again.

[ blues theme playing ]

Mr. Kimsey?
How are you doing?

Not so good.
I got a pain.

You been
feeling nauseous?

Well, not really nauseous,
but there's this pressure.

Uh, 120 over 80.

Good.

Well, your pulse rate
is slightly elevated.

But nothing too bad.

Are you feeling
any pain or numbness

in your neck or your arms?

No, not really.
Just the pressure.

Yeah.

Wh-where exactly
is that pressure?

Right there.
That's what I thought.

Margaret, I think
we're all right here.

I wanna do an EKG
just to play it safe.

Okay,
I'll go set it up.

All right.

Let-- Let me ask you something.
What'd you have for breakfast?

A pastrami sandwich.

For breakfast?
Did you have a pickle too?

You gotta have the pickle.

I-- I don't think we're dealing
with a heart problem here.

Thank God.
With your family history,

I understand your concern.
So promise me,

make an appointment, come back,
we'll do a full work-up on you.

I will.
But what about the pain?

Here. Chew on these.

What are they?
Antacids.

Margaret will be back
in a minute.

[ burping from inside room ]

Got outta there
just in time.

[ chuckles ]

[ blues theme playing ]

This is unbelievable.

Think Dr. Becker's
seen it?

I sure hope
he hasn't seen it.

Well, we're gonna find out.
Here he comes.

Hey, everybody.
How's it going?

Boy, it's a beautiful day
out there, isn't it?

Definitely hasn't seen it.

Ah, Mr. Williams.

Eggs, bacon, hash browns.

I see you jumped right on

that low-cholesterol diet
I put you on.

I was gonna
start that tomorrow.

Yeah, don't worry about it.
In here, I'm not your doctor.

Just think of me
as a private citizen

who's telling you
you're slowing k*lling yourself.

Reg, can I have one
of my cigarettes, please?

Those who can't, teach.

So, what's going on in here?
Nothing.

Yeah, nothing.

Nothing that I know.

[ scoffs ]

All right,
what's going on?

[ sighs ]

Oh, well, you're gonna
see it eventually.

See what?

"Neighborhood Doctor
Dispenses Racism.

"John Becker...

"poisonous words
filled a neighborhood eatery.

"His foul tirade smeared
African Americans,

Asian Americans, the blind--"

Weren't you the busy bee?

I-- I didn't say
any of this.

Who--? Who's this
Jerry Tetzloff anyway?

He has a weekly column.
He must have been in here

that morning.
What morning?

The morning
you had that accident.

Keep reading.

"Becker even trotted out
the tired stereotype

"that Asian Americans
are bad drivers,

invoking the loathsome
code words 'you people.'"

Well, this guy's
perverting everything I said.

And even worse, he didn't
mention the name of the diner.

I could use
a little free publicity.

Yeah,
I think you put your finger

on the real tragedy here, Reg.

I mean, this--
This is crap.

I-- It's all lies.

I didn't say any of that, right?

Well, technically, you did.

What?
But you didn't mean it.

Not like how he said.
Okay, John,

you gotta admit it. You leave
a hell of a first impression.

What are you
talking about?

Okay, a show of hands here.

When you first met him,

who thought that John
was a horse's ass?

Yeah, that's a mighty
strong breeze.

Oh, and you two
are supposed to be my friends.

And you, you got
a prostate exam coming up.

I change my vote.

Yeah, I thought you might.
You know something?

I'm gonna find this guy and--

And scream "loathsome
code words" till his ears bleed.

I hate to say this,
but poor Becker.

Yeah,
I feel sorry for him.

Doesn't anyone
feel sorry for me?

I'm the one who
has to get the prostate exam.

[ blues theme playing ]

Hey, Linda,

you got any of that
revitalizing cream left?

Shh.

I got everything you need.

Revitalizer,
refresher, body talc.

But be cool, okay?

Look, come back this afternoon.

You give me the money,
I'll give you the stuff.

Great.

Oh, and I just got in
a shipment of bath beads.

Are they any good?

Primo.

Hi, doctor.
Yeah.

[ sighing ]

What the hell is this?

Margaret, I was misquoted.
I didn't say any of that.

Well, I assumed that.

But I swear, John,
there are just some times

when you need
to keep your mouth shut.

You are a respected
member of this community.

People listen
to what you have to say.

God help 'em.

You know something?
I'm gonna sue that guy.

I'm gonna sue the whole paper.

I gonna sue the kid
that delivers the paper.

John, do yourself a favor:
let it go.

If you go off on this guy,

you'll just give him
something new to write about.

Just leave it alone,
and it will go away by itself.

Mr. Kimsey,
what are you doing here?

You all right?

There's something
I have to say to you,

and I wanted
to do it face to face.

Sure.
Go ahead.

I read the paper
this morning, and--

Oh, now, wait a second.

I don't want you
to be my doctor.

Y-you don't mean that.

I don't want
anything to do with you.

Ah, M-Mr. Kimsey,
please don't-- Don't --

[ light blues theme playing ]

[ blues theme playing ]

Okay, so I've got
you down for the toner,

the concealer,
and the lip liner.

Oh, and I'll throw
in a jar of night cream.

No, no, no, don't worry
about it. First one's free.

But if you need more,
you know who to call.

[ knocking ]

John,
are you all right?

What am I supposed to do?

You know, people are believing
what they read in there.

Well, you could go down there
and cause a big scene,

or you could sue everybody
in sight, or, maybe,

just maybe, you could learn
something from all this.

Yeah, learn what?

You know, I see people
doing something stupid,

I tell 'em
they're doing something stupid.

I have opinions, I express 'em.
What's wrong with that?

John, opinions are like butts.
Everyone's got one,

but you don't wanna
see yours in the newspaper.

Oh, fine.

You know, from now on,
no matter what I think,

I'll just keep my mouth shut.

Ha! You couldn't keep your mouth
shut if you were underwater.

You know,
I'm sick of people telling me

they know me better
than I know myself.

There's nothing
more annoying than a bunch

of self-righteous
know-it-alls telling--

Oh, boy.

Thank you.

[ rings ]

Doctor's office.

[ hushed ]:
Yeah, yeah, it's Linda.

Look, I'm not running
a charity here.

If you want the stuff,
you gotta pay.

Oh, you think you can do
without the eye shadow?

You just wait.
You'll be back.

Linda, I have warned
you about this.

It is completely
unprofessional

to sell cosmetics
in a doctor's office.

You do this sort of thing
all the time and--

Your skin looks wonderful.

What are you using?

Lady Fair Moistacular.

Could you get me
some of that?

Why, I'd love to.

But, ooh,
I know I can't.

You see, it would be
completely unprofessional for me

to sell you cosmetics
in a doctor's office.

Well, that depends on who's
running the doctor's office.

[ blues theme playing ]

MAN [ on radio ]:
Exactly why did you write
the column, Mr. Tetzloff?

TETZLOFF:
Well, uh,
basically to show that

supposedly respectable citizens

like Dr. Becker turn out to be
nothing more than racists.

[ radio clicks off ]

Hi, Becker.

Oh, hey, John.

Hey, guys.

Look, uh,
about that article,

I-- I'm really, uh,
trying to put it behind me.

So I'd appreciate it

if we just didn't
talk about it anymore.

Okay.
No problem.

Hey, that Tetzloff guy sure

is tearing you a new one
on the radio, isn't he, doc?

MAN:
Eight locations to serve you.
This is Phil Morrison.

You're listening
to Talk Back at WTSE.

Uh, you were saying,
Mr. Tetzloff?

TETZLOFF:
Well, it comes down
to the fact that--

That guys like Dr. Becker

seem to enjoy
spreading hate.

Now, the people
of this community

should fight back
a-and tell him

t-that they will not put
up with his r*cist attitudes.

[ clicks off ]

Don't worry.
I'm not gonna get upset.

The smartest thing I can do
is just walk away from this.

I just wanna
keep my self-respect

and my dignity.

He's going down
to that radio station, isn't he?

Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.

[ blues theme playing ]

MAN [ on phone ]:
If this Dr. Becker is as bad
as you say in your column,

well, then, he's the kind
of guy who makes the world bad,

and that's...bad.

Yeah, right. Bad.

Thanks for taking a stand.

We're here
talking about racism.

And what we're finding
is we're all against it.

All lines are open.

Lots of lines.
[ inaudible ]

Oh, don't worry.
We'll call security.

No, no, that's the guy.
That's Dr. Becker.

Really? He looks pissed.

Let's have him in.
That should brighten things up.

Tetzloff,
you are a lying,

bottom-feeding,
low-life publicity whore.

No, no, Dr. Becker,
please, come in. Sit down.

What? No, no,
I don't wanna talk on the radio.

This will be fine. Seriously.
Sit down, sit down.

Oh, uh,
this is great.

We have John Becker here,

the r*cist doctor
Mr. Tetzloff wrote about.

Go ahead,
you're on the air. Talk.

What?
Talk into the mike.

All right.

This guy took
a private conversation

and he turned it
into something that it wasn't.

Well, then maybe
you can tell me what it was.

You said to an Asian man,
"You people can't drive."

What was that?
Yes, "you people,"

as in "you lousy drivers."

You know, I didn't care
where he came from.

All I cared about
was where he was going,

which was into
the side of my car.

You know, I never said
that he was a bad driver

because he was Asian.

So you do believe that Asian
Americans are bad drivers?

I never said that
they are bad dri--

They? They?
Oh, come on.

He said "they."
This is stupid.

No, no, but isn't "they"
just a r*cist code word,

another way
of saying those people?

"They" is not a code word.
They is a pronoun.

We can't use
pronouns anymore?

And by "we," you mean
white Americans just like you?

Come on. White Americans.

You believe this?
I love this.

It's like a real show.

Uh, caller,
you're on the air.

WOMAN:
Hi, long-time listener,
first-time caller.

Guys like this doctor make
me sick. Can I have a T-shirt?

Good point. No shirt.

Ah, no, this woman
just proves everything

I've been saying for years:

the only people dumber
than talk-radio listeners

are talk-radio callers.

Shut up, John.

For once in your life,
just keep your mouth shut.

You know,
it's an entire audience

made up of the infirm,

the unemployed
and the insane.

So with-- With one
sweeping generality, you--

You smear
this man's entire audience.

[ hushed ]:
It's okay. He's right.

[ normal voice ]:
Mr. Tetzloff, in your column
you also say

that Dr. Becker
insulted a black man--

That's correct.
A blind man.

Hey, wait a minute.
It's the same guy.

You can't
count him twice.

Remind me, Reg.
Why do I like him?

Come on, Becker.

Just say the name of the diner.
Just say the name.

Yeah, besides,
he's a friend of mine.

It's the only reason
I go into that place.

Certainly not for the food.

Don't say the name.
Please, don't say the name.

Phil, the whole point of my
article was to show that racism

is alive in this city, and
Dr. Becker here is living proof.

I am not. I have strong
opinions. Yeah, I admit that.

You know, I have likes.
I have dislikes.

But none of them
are racially motivated.

Everything I say is motivated
purely by stupidity.

Did he mean to say that?

Oh, good one, John.
BECKER: Come on,

you know what I meant.

Oh, I-I-I certainly
know what you meant

when you--
When you maligned rap music,

clearly an expression
of African-American culture.

Oh, I did not.
I said I didn't like loud music.

You know, all right.
You know, all right.

I don't like rap music.

Is that okay with you?

You know, I don't
like polka music either.

But I like Polish sausage.

You know,
I hate Chinese checkers,

but I love French fries.

I hate Belgian waffles.
Love German shepherds.

Can't stand English muffins.

Here's a real puzzler.

Hate Danish cheese,
love cheese Danish.

Yes, doctor,
that's v-very clever.

But what about that
mean-spirited swipe

at Puerto Ricans?

Puerto Ricans?

You made a cr*ck about people
who barbecue on the street.

Those are Puerto Ricans?
You know, I didn't say that.

Yes, well, we all know
that's what you meant.

No, that's not
what I meant at all.

I was talking about a guy who
lives down the street from me.

I don't know
where he's from,

but he cooks
his dinner on the sidewalk,

and that's just stupid.

You know something?

You are the one that's making
this about Puerto Ricans.

That's not
what I did at all.

That's exactly what you did.
Same thing with your column too.

Y-you took
a private conversation,

you imbued it
w-with racial overtones,

all under the guise
of political correctness.

You know something,
that concept was meant

to make us
more sensitive to each other,

but instead, all you did
was use it to perpetuate

some ugly stereotypes.

Well, t-t-t-that
certainly wasn't my intention.

Yeah, well,
that's what you did.

You know, let me-- Let me tell
you one more thing I don't like.

You.

You know, not because
of where you come from.

I just don't like you.
And you know something?

You're free
not to like me either,

as long as you
do it for the right reasons.

And if you don't like that,
you can kiss my ass.

Great show.

[ blues theme playing ]

[ blues theme playing ]