03x23 - Pinky at the Bat/Schpiel-Borg 2000

[bunniefuu]

Gee, brain,

What do you
want to do tonight?

The same thing
we do every night,
pinky,

Try to take over
the world.

♪ they're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ yes, pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ one is a genius ♪

♪ the other's insane ♪

♪ they're
laboratory mice ♪

♪ their genes
have been spliced ♪

♪ they're dinky ♪

♪ they're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ brain, brain, brain ♪

♪ brain, brain, brain,
brain, brain ♪

♪ before each night
is done ♪

♪ their plan
will be unfurled ♪

♪ by the dawning
of the sun ♪

♪ they'll take over
the world ♪

♪ they're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ yes, pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ their twilight campaign ♪

♪ is easy to explain ♪

♪ to prove
their mousey worth ♪

♪ they'll overthrow
the earth ♪

♪ they're dinky ♪

♪ they're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ brain, brain, brain ♪

♪ brain, brain,
brain, brain ♪

Narf!

This spray is part

Of my most ambitious plan
for world domination--

A leather repellent.

Do you know
what it will mean

When people cannot be
close to leather?

Pat boone will go back
to wearing double knits?

Ooh-Aah!

A positive side effect,
but no.

Once people are exposed
to the formula,

They will be unable
to touch their wallets,

Rendering them incapable
of spending money.

Brilliant, brain!

Um, but wait, no.

What if they have
vinyl wallets?

People with vinyl wallets
have no money, pinky.

Economies around the globe
will fail.

As chaos ensues,
i will rise to power.

By releasing
a concentrated amount
of leather repellent

High into the atmosphere
at the instant

Atmospheric conditions
and wind patterns
are right,

The mist will be blown
to the far reaches
of the globe.

According
to my calculations,

The spray
must be released

At exactly 10 p.M.
On october 2

From this precise point:

The pitcher's mound
of the new hampshire
pineapples stadium.

In order to do that,
you and i, pinky,

Will become
the star players of
this expansion team.

Ohh, i can hardly wait,
brain!

Um, one thing, though:

The baseball
is the pointy one,
right?

No, pinky,
that would be
your head.

Eek! Narf!

Ooh.

We haven't
a moment to lose,
pinky.

Pack our bags.

Oh, goody, brain.

I do love a holiday!

What are they doing
in there, brain?

Playing baseball, pinky.

A sport rooted deep
in american culture.

Our national pastime.

The field of dreams.

The house
that ruth built.

[Gasp]

Ruth buzzi?

Yes, pinky,

That famous
baseball player
ruth buzzi.

She's right there
in cooperstown

Next to that other
great ballplayer,

Jo anne worley.

Well, at least
she has company.
Poit!

Don't you know anything
about baseball, pinky?

Um...

hmm...

no.

Brain: baseball is
a thrilling contest

Between
highly trained athletes

Striving
toward excellence

Before a throng
of adoring fans.

You bunch of losers!

We want
our money back!

You bums!
Losers!

[Shouting]

Yeah!

[Snoring]

What?

Huh? Huh?

Oh, uh, strike 3.

Game over.

Oh, yeah?

Well, i don't care

How much you care
about the home team.

You're fired!

Good-Bye, mom.

You call yourself
a manager?

We haven't won a game
in 3 years.

The new hampshire
pineapples

Are the laughingstock
of the league.

Do you know
what you are?

[Gulps]
fired?

No, not...

[imitating gulp
and tiny voice]
"fired..."

Fired!

Yaa!

No more slop!

No more slop!

All: no more slop!

No more slop!

I need a new manager,
a natural leader.

Someone with a vision,
with a...a brain.

Did you hear that,
pinky?

Are you pondering
what i'm pondering?

I think so, brain,

But shouldn't
the bat boy
be wearing a cape?

As fascinating
as that question is,
pinky,

It will have to wait.

Right now, i must be
the next player-Slash-Manager

Of the new hampshire
pineapples.

I don't care
if you are a telephone!

You're fired!

Who in the blazes
are you two?

You're fired!

Actually, you'd have
to hire us first.

I know. I hate that.

And why would i want
to hire you?

I am, uh...
sparky labraina,

The world's keenest
baseball mind.

And this is
my protégé--
Pinky rodriguez.

Where?

That's you, pinky.

Oh. I thought it
sounded familiar.
Poit!

I understand
you are looking
for a manager.

In the tradition
of the great ty cobb,

I am a
player-Slash-Manager.

You guys
are sure small.

Yes, well, we are from
the diminutive republic.

Oh. Yeah, of course.

Uh, what did you want again?

My quest
is never-Ending:

To win the world!

Series?

Do you mean you can win
the world series?

Yes!

Now that's the kind
of positive thinking

We need around here.

You're hired!

To reiterate...

yes!

Pineapple fans,

I give you our new
player-Slash-Manager

Sparky labraina.

[Crowd cheering]

Today,
i consider myself

A mouse trying
to take over the world.

Series.

Brain:
whatever.

Now, pinky,

Listen as i bolster
the team spirit
by regaling them

With baseball's
traditional
hackneyed clichés.

Narf!

Pineapples,

You may not have
won a game in 3 seasons,

But remember,
it hasn't concluded

Until there is closure.

All: huh?

Uh, that is,

Until the woman with
the eating disorder ululates.

Now, get out there
and win one for the, uh...

uh, brainer.

Ooh, so many
big words, brain.

Yes.

You see,
by using big words,

I have gained
the players' respect.

[Spitting]

Well, perhaps the words
weren't quite big enough.

This is van spoony
from beautiful
pineapple stadium,

Bringing you
the fifth inning
of this baseball contest

Between
the new hampshire pineapples

And the san jose malamutes.

[Gasp]

And be sure to eat

Lots of farmer ron's
pork fat pineapple dogs.

Just like at the ball park.

Van spoony:
ball's hit deep.

Rodriguez goes back,
back, back, back, back,

And he's waved off
by labraina.

My goodness.

Oof!

Ow! That's gotta hurt.

Ninth inning.

One out, one man on,

Rodriguez at the plate,

The score is 2 to 2.

Ptoo!

Swing and a miss...

strike 3.

And that brings labraina
to the plate.

Not much of a strike zone
on this guy.

Ptoo!

Uh, brain,

You forgot
to scratch.

Oh. You're right,
pinky.

Van spoony:
here's the pitch...

yaa!

Van spoony: oh...

labraina's hit.

They'll have to send in
a new pinch runner.

The malamutes'
hershel horkheiser

Is trying to put the squeeze
on the pineapples today,

But he doesn't want
to go down in the record books

As the first pitcher
to let them win a game
in 3 years.

Brain: yaa! Oof!

Van spoony:
it's a hard hit ball
down the third baseline.

Brain: yaa!

Van spoony:
it's gonna be close.

You're out!

Wait!

I am not a ball!

Huh?
Huh?

I am a mouse bent on
global domination.

He's right!
He's not a ball!

Safe!

Game over!

Van spoony: talk about
a sacrifice play.

The pineapples win.

Reporter:
sparky labraina,

You've led your team
to their first win
in 3 years!

What are you
going to do now?

I'm going to...

the emergency room.

[Let's go out
to the ball game plays]

Ow!

[Muttering]

♪ make me
the whole world's leader ♪

♪ make me ruler of all ♪

♪ give me jurisdiction
o'er everything ♪

♪ it doesn't matter
if he can't sing ♪

Together:
♪ it's bow, bow, bow
to your leader ♪

♪ salute when his flag
is unfurled ♪

Brain: ♪ and you'll all get
a free season pass ♪

♪ when i win the world ♪

[Cheering]

And remember,
when the going gets tough,

The tough get more committed
to their ultimate objective.

All: huh?

Oh, you're getting better
with those clichés, brain.

That's because
i've never lost
the common touch, pinky.

I don't think
you'll ever lose

That sticky feeling
either, brain.

Narf!

Brain...

you forgot
to add my name
to the lineup.

I've, uh, got a new...

important position
for you, pinky.

Bench warmer.

Wow!

Ohh,
thank you, brain!

There.

Wonder where they keep
the pillow shams.

[Crowd cheers]

Safe!

Announcer: the pineapples
are tied in the division.

What?

He was safe
by 1.2 kilometers.

He was out!

Safe, you overweight,
vision-Impaired ignoramus.

What did you call me?

I called you
a low-Metabolism,
myopic moron.

Huh?

A big fat dumb guy.

That's what
i thought you said.

You're outta here!

[Muttering]

[Booing]

Now as a token
of my disrespect,

I shall kick some soil
upon your footwear.

Aah!

[Pinky laughing]

I wish you would
stop that, pinky.

Oh, sorry, brain,
but it's loads of fun,

And, frankly,
i'm getting bored
with bench-Warming.

Oh, but there's
a whole other
vital dimension

To your vocation,
pinky.

You have to collect
splinters as well.

The team does need me.

Yes, my friend,

And i need to be
on the pitcher's mound

At 10 p.M. Tonight

To release
my leather repellent

So that i can
take over the world.

Van spoony here,
baseball fans,

For the last game
of the season

With first place
up for grabs.

It's the bottom
of the ninth,



In this scoreless tie.

What a pitchers' duel
we've got going.

Take a look at this pitch
from last inning.

Oh, baby,
that was a real smoker.

And so are these
farmer ron's gristle sticks

I'm cooking up.

And if i know pineapple
player-Slash-Manager
sparky labraina,

He's cooking up
a little something, too.

Brain: this game
must end now.

What are those?

I've been
collecting splinters

Just like
you asked me, brain.

Look. I made this
out of them.

I call it thunderpoit.

I'm glad
the occupational therapy
is working, pinky,

But we have more
pressing matters
to attend to.

I need to be
on the pitcher's mound
in 2 minutes

To release
my leather repellent.

There's only one way
to assure this game
ends quickly.

Um, we go out on strike?

In a manner of speaking,
pinky.

You go in
and strike out.

Narf!

Go to the plate
and remember
my hand signals.

If my arms are crossed,
don't swing.

You only swing
if i wave my arms,

Which i won't do.

Remember,
you must strike out

To end this game
immediately.

Now go out there

And do your best
to do your worst.

Can do, brain.

Oh, i hope i don't do
my worst to do my best

To do my worst.

Van spoony: what's this?

Labraina is putting in
a pinch hitter.

A courageous move.

Huh?

Oh, no.

Pinky, no!

Wait! No!

Pinky, don't--

Cross arms, don't swing.

Shake hands, swing.
Troz!

Got it, brain.

Of course,
he could hit
a home run.

Oh, i must be
deluding myself.

He's...

he's...pinky.

Van: and here's the pitch.

Rodriguez swings
and connects.

That ball is going,
going, gone!

Yes! Yes!

Van spoony: the pineapples
win the division title!

The pineapples win
the division title!

Still time.

I've got one minute
to release my leather
repellent.

[Crowd cheering]

Wait!

I must get
to the pitcher's mound.

Put me down!

No!

George beanstainer:
congratulations,
labraina.

You're fired!

Aah!
Aah!

Fired? But why?

It's what i do.
Deal with it.

I've failed again,
pinky.

But you said
it wasn't concluded

Until the lady
with the eating disorder

Yodel-Ay-Hee-Hooed
or something.

You're right, pinky.
Come.

We must return
to the lab

And prepare
for tomorrow night.

Why, brain?
What are we going to do
tomorrow night,

Trade anecdotes
about our athletes'
careers?

No, pinky,
trade antidotes
for our athlete's foot.

And then--

Try to take over the world!

♪ they're dinky ♪

♪ they're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ brain, brain,
brain, brain ♪

Announcer: and now
the executive producer

Of pinky and the brain,

Steven spielberg.

Greetings.

I'd like to take
this time

To congratulate the
pinky and the brain show

On its success

And all the awards
it's won me.

Eh--That it's won.

Awards such as
"the best lab animal
in a film" award,

"The big head
of pauly shore" award

For the most unexpected
and unexplainable success,

The canadian football
league's coveted

Pigskin lava lamp,

And of course
this little gem,

The emmy,

Which we really can't
show you because, uh,

They'll sue us.

But all this would not
have been possible

Had it not been
for the inspirational
performances like these...

narf!

Narf! Ha ha ha!

Narf!
Narf!

Narf!

What is "narf!"?

Do you mind telling me
what that is?

Narf!

Narf!
Ha ha ha ha ha!

What am i
doing here?

And let's not forget
to pay homage

To the show's
articulate dialogue,

Dialogue such as this.

We'll be there
before you can yell
poit!

We'll reach mars
before i yell "poit!",
pinky.

Poit!

Poit! Poit! Poit!

Poit! Poit! Poit!

Poit! Poit! Poit!

Poit!

Blah! [Coughing]

P-P--

P-P--

P-P--Poit.

[Sniff sniff]

It, uh, stirs up
emotions in me

I--I didn't even know
i had.

[Honk]

Such feeling,
such passion.

This show is a testament
to the power of love,

A love between 2 lab mice

Shown through
the mutual respect
of one for the other.

Egad, brain!
Brilliant!

Egad, brain!

Egad, brain!
Brilliant!

Egad, brain!

Egad, brain! Brilliant!

Egad, brain!
Brilliant!

Egad!
You astound me,
brain!

That's a simple task,
pinky.

This program is not only
cinematically brilliant,

It's powerful
and thought-Provoking.

Are you pondering
what i'm pondering?

I think so, brain.

But where are
we going to find
a duck and a hose

At this hour?

If jimmy cracks corn
and no one cares,

Why does he
keep doing it?

But we're
already naked.

But burlap
chafes me so.

But isn't a cucumber
that small

Called a gherkin?

Balancing a family
and a career,

It's all too much for me.

But this time
you wear the tutu.

But the rockettes,

I mean it's
mostly girls, isn't it?

But the best part
is that every show

Has a hard-Hitting message.

Hoo hoo hoo!

Now i feel cleansed.

I just got to tell you

I am so proud
to be part of this production,

I'm getting goose bumpy
all over.

It's fun-Fun,
silly-Willy.

Narf!

Zort!

Poit!

[Giggling]

Pinky!

Oh, hi, brain.

I was just playing
with your new
robo-Thingy.

Yes, i've noticed.

How many times
have i told you

It is not a toy?

This is my greatest
technological
masterpiece--

The schpiel-Borg


I spared no expense.

Your play pal, pinky,

Is actually
an extremely advanced

Cybernetic clone

Of one of hollywood's
most powerful figures.

And if his box office numbers
are any indication,

He has the potential
to become ruler of the world.

I thought you said
you were going to be
ruler of the world.

I am, pinky.

After swapping places

With the real
steven spielberg,

I will rise to power
in the schpiel-Borg 2000

And take over the world!

Yes!

Super neato, brain.

What's this button do?

Pinky, you've activated
the schpiel program.

Now the robot
will act out
random scenes

From classic
spielberg films.

There's
no stopping it.

Jump!

So the shark's swimming
towards the police chief,

And the chief says,

"You're gonna need
a bigger boat,"

And then
the mathematician says,

"If the pirates
of the caribbean
breaks down,

The pirates don't eat
the tourists."

And then the adorable
little alien says,

"E.T. Phone home."

Ok, watch the skies, please.

♪ doo doo doo doo doo ♪

Then the t-Rex att*cks
beautiful downtown burbank.

Grrr!

Oh, back to the drawing board

To plan for tomorrow night.

Why, brain?
What are are
going to do

Tomorrow night?

The same thing
we do every night,
pinky,

Try to take over the world

With the ted turnerator!

♪ they're dinky ♪

♪ they're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ brain brain
brain brain ♪