03x24 - Broadway Malady

[bunniefuu]

Gee, brain,

What do you
want to do tonight?

The same thing
we do every night,
pinky,

Try to take over
the world.

♪ they're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ yes, pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ one is a genius ♪

♪ the other's insane ♪

♪ they're
laboratory mice ♪

♪ their genes
have been spliced ♪

♪ they're dinky ♪

♪ they're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ brain, brain, brain ♪

♪ brain, brain, brain,
brain, brain ♪

♪ before each night
is done ♪

♪ their plan
will be unfurled ♪

♪ by the dawning
of the sun ♪

♪ they'll take over
the world ♪

♪ they're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ yes, pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ their twilight campaign ♪

♪ is easy to explain ♪

♪ to prove
their mousey worth ♪

♪ they'll overthrow
the earth ♪

♪ they're dinky ♪

♪ they're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ brain, brain, brain ♪

♪ brain, brain,
brain, brain ♪

Narf!

And so i am honored
to stand before you tonight

To present
the minnie fiske award

For distinguished
achievement in the theater

To the one and only...

pinky.

[Applause]

Narf!

Pinky: to those of you
who do not attend
the theater

Or know anything
about mice who plan
to take over the world,

Um, perhaps i should
tell you how i got here.

It's all on account
of a mouse named brain.

Broadway
was so different then.

How long ago was it?

Troz!

Oh, at least a week or 2.

Brain had another one
of those plan thingies.

I will add one simple
little word

To the label on every bottle
of shampoo in the world.

The directions
will now read:

"Repeat endlessly."

Then while everyone
in the world

Is lathering
their way to oblivion,

I will rise to power.

"Gee, your hair
smells peculiar."

I beg your pardon,
pinky?

Oh! Sorry, brain.

That's just the name
of this shampoo.

Naturally, it will cost
a great deal of money

To print and apply
all the new shampoo
labels.

You need special
waterproof glues,

Many colors of crayons

To mimic the various
label designs,

And one of those
crayon sharpeners

That only comes
in the really expensive
boxes of crayons.

Oh, and extremely sharp,
tiny scissors,

Not to mention,

Translation
into 188 languages.

I calculate
the final cost

To be $162 million

And 43 cents.

What are
the 43 cents for?

A pack of gum, pinky.

Why? Can't i have gum
if i want it?

Now, if i could
only think of a way
to raise the money.

Mmm.

Too bad you can't write

One of those big
broadway musicals.

They make lots of money.

That's it, pinky.

Are you pondering
what i'm pondering?

I think so, brain.

But why would anyone
want a depressed tongue?

I think you need
a depressed head, pinky,

But i have business here
on planet earth,

For i will write
and produce
a musical play

Calculated
to run forever!

Oh, wonderful,
brain!

Just like one of
albert floyd webster's
shows.

Bah!

Albert floyd webster.

That hack!

Every play is the same.

"Pussycats."

The wise old pussycat

Sings to the brash
young pussycat.

"Moonlight express."

The wise old
roller skate

Sings to the brash
young roller skate.

Drivel
for the mindless masses.

Oh, i love those shows,
brain.

Narf!

My point exactly.

Anyone can regurgitate
that kind of pap.

No, pinky, i shall
create a new form

Of musical theater.

Searingly real.

Filled with the turmoil
of life and death.

But with dancing?

Yes, pinky,
with dancing.

A story of one mouse's
fight for recognition

In a heartless world.

Tearing the skin off
his own primal fears
and doubts,

Revealing the ugly,
naked truth.

But with songs?

Yes, of course.
With songs.

Millions will flood
to the theater,

Grateful to finally see

The stinking, festering
stench of real life.

Oh, i do love
a musical!

Out of my way, pinky.

I must get to work
on my creation.

Angst--The musical.

Pinky: it was a decision
that would not only change
our lives forever,

But our cage.

No, no, no.

I can't be satisfied
with cheap convention.

This song must cry out

From the depths
of my tortured soul

In a way
that never before
has been set to music.

Pinky,
what rhymes with june?

I'm busy, brain.

Well,
what are you doing?

Oh, just hitting a balloon
with a spoon

While i croon a tune
to this baboon

By the light
of the moon.

Well, will you be
finished soon?

Oh, about noon.

Why?

What rhymes with june?

No, it doesn't.

Ahh...

i'll make it april.

There!

Finally,

After pouring my blood,
sweat, and tears onto
these pages,

My masterpiece
is complete, pinky.

Yecch. And unsanitary.

But who
is "norman brain"?

That is my pen name,
pinky.

Oh. My pen's name
is bic.

Where are we going,
brain?

That's norman brain,
pinky.

We are about to get
herbert schneiderlander

To finance our show.

Is that because
he's a fairy?

That's angel, pinky.

An angel
gives you money.

Oh, well, so does
a fairy, brain.

I once got 23 cents
for one of my teeth.

Oof!

Pinky,
i think i see

Another 46 cents
in your future.

I may be small,
mr. Schneiderlander,

But i have big ideas.

I hope so.

I'm tired of all these
albert floyd webster
musicals.

I need something new
and different.

I believe,
mr. Schneiderlander,

That my show fulfills
both those prerequisites.

Imagine...

a large cage,

Representing
man's inhumanity...

to me.

The play opens

In the existential
wheel of life

As i am dragged down
to ignominy

By the malfeasance of
inadequate assistants,

As is achingly revealed
in the haunting ballad,

I'm going to have
to hurt you.

♪ i'm going to have
to hurt you ♪

♪ hurt you ♪

♪ hurt you ♪

♪ have to, have to,
have to ♪

♪ hurt you, hurt you,
hurt you ♪

I'm gonna have
to stop you.

Too new, too different.

But wait!

I haven't told you
about the big hymn
to humiliation.

You know,
audiences don't
come to a musical

To see humiliation.

What do you think
they got daytime tv for?

Um, excuse me.

I--I know what
your show needs,
brain.

Not now, pinky.

What about
the schadenfreude polka?

Maybe you need a scene
where the wise old mouse

Sings a song to
the brash young mouse.

Don't be ridic--

Aah!

That's it!

That's brilliant!

It's got that
albert floyd webster touch.

[Sputters]

But i thought you wanted
something different

Than albert
floyd webster.

I do--

That is, different enough
so we don't get sued.

We'll call it
mice--The musical.

Ooh, i smell big b.O.

Narf!

I think that's
just my shampoo.

I'm writing
a big, fat check.

Funny, you don't
look like a fairy.

That's angel.

I can see it now.

Busload after busload
of baseball-Capped tourists

All dying
to see broadway's latest
sure-Fire people-Pleaser.

The t-Shirts alone
will make millions!

Sign here,

And you'll be
the richest hack
on broadway.

Yes.

Yes.

That's what i want...

isn't it?

No.

No, i--I won't do it.

I won't lower myself
to that level.

But, brain,

You could finally have
all the money you need

For that plan thingie.

This is about something
more important

Than money, pinky.

This is about suffering,

About what's in here.

It's about art.

I'll be a success
on my own terms.

I'll show you all!

Angst--The musical

Will be the biggest
success since--

Ouch! The door!

I don't remember
that show.

I searched everywhere,

But i couldn't find
brain.

He just walked out
the door.

Oh. No wonder.

Pinky: that nice
mr. Schneiderlander

Still wanted
to put on a show

Because he was,
after all, a fairy.

That's angel.

Pinky: i made
my theatrical debut

In mice--The musical.

Ahh. I shall never forget
the opening night.

[Orchestral music playing]

♪ are the seats filled
with tourists? ♪

♪ are the songs
all the same? ♪

♪ is the acting
absurd? ♪

♪ is the plot
really lame? ♪

♪ do you sell
lots of t-Shirts? ♪

♪ for a really
high price? ♪

♪ if you can
and you do ♪

♪ you're a show
about mice ♪

♪ because musical mice
like to dance ♪

♪ they don't wear
any pants ♪

♪ and the people
all come back for more ♪

♪ musical mice
are musically nice ♪

♪ and they're
musical mice ♪

[Applause]

Pinky: the audience
threw things at us...

poit!

But apparently that is
considered a compliment.

The show was a huge hit.

Mice is the feel-Good,
anthropomorphic musical
animal hit of the season.

I laughed, i cried.

I ate.

We give mice


Or make that


[Laughter]

I still don't
like you.

Pinky:
i was a huge success,

Living in the lap
of luxury.

Woman:
i gotta get up now, sir.

Oh, ok, mrs. Luxury.

Call me thelma.
That's my name.

I'll just play
in my new gilded cage.

Pinky: then i saw it.

Brain was appearing
at the shoe box theater.

[Orchestral music playing]

♪ what if i don't
take over the world? ♪

♪ angst! ♪

♪ when will my plan
be unfurled? ♪

♪ angst! ♪

♪ but, no,
i am absolutely deserving ♪

♪ of the position
for which i am destined ♪

♪ regardless of
the unfortunate accident ♪

♪ of my birth
into the wrong species ♪

♪ so you see... ♪

♪ i don't have
any angst ♪

♪ any angst! ♪

[Music stops]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Clapping]

Brilliant,
brain!

Brilliant!

Oh, the music,
the lyrics--

They became
a part of me.

I think this part.

Oh, no. I already
had an elbow.

Pinky, what are
you doing here?

I was looking
for you, brain.

Excuse me, pinky.

I must acknowledge
the standing ovation.

Brain,
this is so sad.

Yes.

Saturday night
audiences

Are notoriously
unresponsive.

And thin.

Brain,
come back with me.

Mice--The musical
is a big success.

Why, in a few
more weeks,

We can buy all
the shampoo labels
you need.

I need more than
shampoo labels, pinky.

I need...

gum?

No, pinky.

You can't tempt me
with the glitter
of success.

Soon, very soon,

Angst--The musical

Will be triumph
of the theatrical
world!

I have many offers
pouring in.

And rain.

Spielberg wants
to produce my show
on broadway.

[Gasps]

Steven spielberg?

Well, no, actually,
it's murray spielberg.

He owns the candy store
on the corner,

But he's got
some extra cash.

Oh, and scorsese
has agreed to direct.

[Gasps]

Martin scorsese?

Uh, no.

Stanley scorsese.

He's the elevator
operator at the plaza,

But he's got a good eye.

And i just signed goulet
to play the lead.

Robert goulet?

Yes!

Poor brain.

He has so obviously lost
his grip on reality...

don't you think?

Oh, i suppose
this isn't grand
enough for you,

Mr. Mice--
The musical,

Mr. Big
broadway star,

Mr. I'll take
a stick of gum

And wave it
in brain's face

Just to make
him feel like
a failure!

But, brain...

there's the door,
pinky.

Actually, brain,
it's just a hole
in the shoe box.

Whatever it is,
use it.

I have to give notes
to my cast.

Nigel, you have
to emote more
in the fourth act.

Pinky:
i left brain there

Talking to that nice
actor fellow.

That was the last time
i saw him.

Brain: now, everybody,
from the top!

This time
make me feel it!

Pinky: and that night,

I gave the performance
of my life.

Then i went to the theater
and sang in a show.

[Gentle piano music playing]

♪ i'm pinky ♪

♪ all alone,
and it's stinky ♪

♪ on my own,
i'm so dinky ♪

♪ since i've lost
my best friend ♪

♪ we were lab mice ♪

♪ who thought we could
take over the world ♪

♪ but without brain ♪

♪ i'm really sad ♪

♪ narf! ♪

♪ poit! ♪

♪ egad! ♪

♪ i sure feel bad ♪

♪ since i'm all on my own ♪

♪ people listen ♪

♪ while the rooftops
glisten ♪

♪ and santa rides ♪

♪ through the snow ♪

Ooh. Poit!

Huh. Sorry.
Wrong song.

Ah, yes.

♪ wandering ♪

♪ all alone,
i am wandering ♪

♪ when i'd rather
be pondering ♪

♪ 'bout a duck
and a hose ♪

♪ how i miss ♪

♪ when you'd use ♪

♪ all of those
really big words ♪

♪ then you'd grab me ♪

♪ by the nose! ♪

[Music stops]

[Applause]

Pinky: and that's how i won
this really big award...

oof!

And how i got
this really big headache.

Thank you--Narf--

From the bottom
of my heart.

But i'm not
accepting this award
for my performance,

But as someone who...

misses norman brain!

[Grunting]

Mmm. Whoa!

Will there be
anything else, sir?

Narf!

I would like some more
of those lovely olives.

Waiter, more olives
for mr. Pinky.

Your olives, sir.

Why, thank--

Brain!

[Gasps]

Brain!

I can't believe it.

What can't you
believe,

That i'm forced
to support my art

By working as a lowly,
subservient waiter?

You're a waiter?

Ha. I thought that
was just a new hat.

You're awfully small
to be a waiter.

Actually,
i'm a laboratory mouse

Trying to raise money
to produce a hit play

So that i can replace
all the shampoo labels
and take over the world!

Oh, brother.

Ain't anybody just
a waiter anymore?

Brain...

i can't see you
like this.

Of course not, pinky.

You've got your eyes
covered.

You know,
i thought it was
something like that.

Pinky: i knew then

That i would have
to do something
to help brain.

Brain,
i'll help you.

Wha--Oh!

[Guests murmuring]

No, pinky!

That door goes
outof the kitchen!

Oh!

You're fired!

Now you've done it.

You've gotten me
fired.

Is that bad?

Farewell, pinky.

I'll see you next year,

When i shall receive
the minnie fiske award.

Right now i must check
the trade papers

For a position that suits
my great talent.

I'm here
for the liebowitz
bar mitzvah.

I'm the busboy.

Don't kid me.

You're a mouse planning
to take over the world.

Hi!

Pinky?

Oh, i can't believe it.

You? Here?

At the liebowitz
bar mitzvah?

Well, not exactly,
brain.

I, um...

sort of tricked you.

Oh, i see it all now.

You're trying to make
yourself feel better

By giving me
some kind of phony job
in your show.

Well, i don't need
your pity.

I never want
to see you again!

Aw, give the kid
a break.

He rented out
this entire theater
just for you.

You did?

But why?

So you could present
angst--The musical

To every important critic
in the world.

They're all here?

Mm-Hmm.

I sent them each
a lovely gift

And a ticket
to tonight's premiere.

Well, i...

i don't know
what to say, pinky.

You just go out there
and make me proud, brain.

You're going out there
a busboy,

But you've got
to come back a star...

or at least a waiter.

Pinky: that night...

i witnessed
the greatest performance

I've ever seen
in a theater.

Then i watched brain
do his show.

♪ i'm going to have
to hurt you ♪

♪ hurt you, hurt you ♪

♪ have to, have to,
have to ♪

♪ hurt you, hurt you,
hurt you ♪

♪ baboon, spittoon,
balloon ♪

♪ harpoon, typhoon,
lagoon ♪

♪ boon, dune, goon,
noon ♪

♪ loon, prune, soon ♪

♪ it must be ♪

♪ april ♪

♪ it's
the schadenfreude polka ♪

♪ the schadenfreude polka ♪

♪ when they fall
upon the ground ♪

♪ you just laugh
and dance around ♪

♪ that's
the schadenfreude polka ♪

♪ and now i don't have
any angst ♪

♪ any angst! ♪

[Crickets chirping]

Pinky, where--
Where is everybody?

Poit!

Uh, i don't know,
brain.

And i sent them
such lovely gifts.

Pinky, exactly what
did you send them?

I love it!

The feel-Good shampoo
of the season.

I lathered,
i rinsed,

I repeated...

over and over
and over.

I'm sorry
no one appreciated
your play, brain.

Well, one day attendance
will be mandatory, pinky.

Until then, i'll have
to content myself

With the quest
for absolute power.

Good idea, brain.

Yes, pinky.

And to achieve
that goal,

We'll start with all
the money you made

From starring
in a hit musical.

Oh. Oh, no, brain.

I invested it all
in a sure thing.

Water-World--The musical!

Um, does "sure thing"
mean you lose all the money?

Pinky...

why didn't you invest
in my musical?

Because yours
was really stinky.

Well, perhaps
you're right, pinky,

But we'll ponder that
back at the lab

As we prepare
for tomorrow night.

Why, brain?

What are we going to do
tomorrow night?

The same thing
we do every night,

And twice
on wednesdays--

Try to take over
the world!

Man:
♪ is one of them smart? ♪

Woman:
♪ is the other insane? ♪

Together:
♪ they're dinky ♪

♪ they're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ brain, brain,
brain, brain ♪