03x25 - Brainie the Poo/Melancholy Brain

[bunniefuu]

Gee, brain,

What do you
want to do tonight?

The same thing
we do every night,
pinky,

Try to take over
the world.

♪ they're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ yes, pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ one is a genius ♪

♪ the other's insane ♪

♪ they're
laboratory mice ♪

♪ their genes
have been spliced ♪

♪ they're dinky ♪

♪ they're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ brain, brain, brain ♪

♪ brain, brain, brain,
brain, brain ♪

♪ before each night
is done ♪

♪ their plan
will be unfurled ♪

♪ by the dawning
of the sun ♪

♪ they'll take over
the world ♪

♪ they're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ yes, pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ their twilight campaign ♪

♪ is easy to explain ♪

♪ to prove
their mousey worth ♪

♪ they'll overthrow
the earth ♪

♪ they're dinky ♪

♪ they're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ brain, brain, brain ♪

♪ brain, brain,
brain, brain ♪

Narf!

Narrator: this could be
the vivisection land

Of any young boy,

But it just
happens to belong

To a boy named christopher.

Like most small boys,

Christopher has toy animals

To perform
heinous experiments on,

And they all live together

In a place called
the acme woods.

♪ brainie the poo ♪

Stop.
♪ brainie the poo ♪

Must you sing?
♪ surly, often churly ♪

♪ he loves to grouse ♪

The word is "churlish."

♪ brainie the poo ♪

What is this
"poo" business?

♪ brainie the poo ♪
oof!

♪ power-Crazed,
embittered old mouse ♪

There's an "e"
in "home," you know?

Narrator: now,
one blowsery day,

Brainie was sitting
in his pondering spot.

Ponder, ponder,
ponder.

Aah!

Oof!

Oh, sorry, brainie.
Narf!

It's just such
a blowsery day.

It would be if "blowsery"
were actually a word.

I prefer to think of it

As a perfect day
to take over the world.

Observe.

Oh, brilliant, brainie.

You're going to start
an army of mercenaries

Led by tyne daly
and shelley long.

Has it ever occurred
to you, pinklet,

That your scarf
is constricting
the blood flow to your head?

Yes! And it keeps
my neck all cozy warmy.

My plan is so simple,

Even you will
understand it, pinklet.

As you know,

People in today's
body-Conscious society

Are obsessed
with losing weight.

My plan is
to secretly replace

All the artificial
sweeteners in the world

With real ones,

Thus rendering
the world's population fat,

Slow-Moving,
and completely toothless.

You mean like the guests
on jerry springer?

Exactly, pinklet.

Oh, it is
a happy plan, brainie.

Everyone will get
to eat cakes and candy

And chocolate
and lovely packets
of refined sugar.

Sugar is too expensive,
pinklet.

Luckily,
i know the location

Of a veritable
fort knox of honey

Right here
in acme woods.

Ooh, a fort.
Fort! Ha ha ha!

Oh, can we play
cowboys and indians?

No, but we can play
geniuses and numskulls.

Hmm. How do you
play that?

Like this.

Troz!

Who won?

The hive led
by the scariest,

Most intimidating
bee of all.

Bea arthur?

No, pinklet,
the queen bee.

Oh, wish i was
as smart as you.

I wish you were
as smart as a tree stump.

There has to be
some way to get up
that tree, pinklet.

Oh! Oh! I know.

First we capture
a hundred fruit flies,

Yoke them to our heads,
dress them up as milkmaids,

And tell them the cow
they have to milk is
way at the top of the tree.

And how do you
propose we capture
these fruit flies?

Oh. Well...

i mean, everyone knows
that flies love honey,
brainie.

I see.

And where do we
get this honey?

Hmm...

brainie, we're in luck.

There's a huge supply
of honey

At the top
of this very tree.

All we have to do
is find a way
to get to it.

May i hurt you now?

Ok.

Zort!

Hmm. That surge
of testosterone

Has given me an idea.

Me, too, brainie.

Well, not an idea

So much as a large,
painful lump on my head.

Well, pinklet, how do
you like my disguise?

Oh. Um...

Good, brainie. Yeah.

You look just like, um...

someone who
rolled around in the mud

For a very long time?

I'm supposed to be
a cloud of smog.

Smog?

Yes, pinklet.

Camouflaged
as a cloud of smog,

I can get close
to the beehive

Without
arousing suspicion.

Now all i need
is something to
propel me skyward.

Oof!

[As mick jagger]
hello. I'm jagger.

J-A-Guh-Guh-E-R.

Pinklet, get him off me.

Hey, you!
Get off of my smog!

Sorry, mate. No requests.

♪ the wonderful thing
about jagger ♪

♪ is that i'm still
swingin' my hips ♪

♪ i can prowl on the stage
like a cat half my age ♪

♪ and i have
my original lips ♪

♪ i'm richer than
adnan khashoggi ♪

♪ my records are
platinum, not gold ♪

♪ but the grooviest thing
about jagger is ♪

♪ i'm really,
really old ♪

Yes,
very entertaining.

Now, why don't you
go gather some moss

While i figure out
a way

To get to the top
of that tree?

Well, why didn't
you say so, mate?

I'll get you
up there quicker

Than you can say
"collagen injection."

No, thank you.
That won't be--Gah!

Narrator: and so
jagger sent brainie
flying right toward

The honey tree,

And he would have hit it,

Had the wind
not started to blow him

Right past the tree,

And he began
to fall through

A complicated
passage in the story

Until he finally
landed in a hole.

There is far too much
v*olence in this story.

Narf!

Brain, why is your head
stuck in a rabbit hole?

The question is,
why isn't your head
stuck in a rabbit hole?

Oh. Ha.

My head wouldn't
stay stuck. Narf!

[Mockingly]
"my head wouldn't
stay stuck. Narf!"

[Gasps]

Brainie, when
you said "narf,"

Your head shrunk.
Poit!

So it did.

Narf.

Poit.

Egad.

That explains a lot.

Narrator: sometime later,

Brainie and pinklet
decided to visit their
good friend christopher

To see if he could help.

Hello, christopher.

Hello, pinklet.

[As christopher walken]
brainie, let me
confess something.

I tell you this because,

As a megalomaniacal
genius,

I think
you'll understand.

Well, actually,
we have to get
some honey from a--

Sometimes,
when i'm riding
my bike around dusk,

And i see the 2
rotating reflectors

Of another bike
coming towards me...

i have
this sudden impulse

To swerve into this
oncoming bike. Ha!

I can anticipate
the horrible skid,

The sound of my bell
hitting the pavement,

The milk flowing
out of the carton

All over the bread
that my mom asked me
to pick up at the store.

Narf! You know,
i once fantasized

About a giant noodle with
the face of alex trebek.

Hoo ha ha ha ha!

[Sighs]

Well, i'd love to listen
to more psychotic ramblings,

But i've got
to fly up a tree.

Well, why didn't
you say so?

I know who
can help you.

Narrator: so they took their
friend christopher's advice

And went to see
algore the donkey,

Who lived on the next page.

Um, when does
this scene start
to animate, brainie?

It already has, pinklet.

The question is,
when does algore
start to animate?

[As al gore]
the president and i
are pleased with the manner

In which we are moving
toward the 21st century.

By building
a very long bridge...

algore's just going
to keep on talking,
isn't he, brainie?

Yes, pinklet,

But at least we know
where all that wind
was coming from

In the last chapter.

Narf!

The warm breeze
is rather restful.

Warm breeze.

Hot air.

That's it!

Pinklet, are you pondering
what i'm pondering?

Um, i think so,
brainie,

But why would
anyone want to
pierce brosnan?

As remarkable
as this fact may be,
pinklet,

You've missed
the point.

Algore is full of hot air.

We shall use him
to levitate us
to the upper stratosphere.

Algore: as we cross
the bridge we have built

To stand upon a platform
built by contributions...

narf! Oh, we're
finally going
back to kansas.

I think i'll
miss the scarecrow
most of all.

Wrong book, piglet.

Oh. Narf!

Brain: yes, pinklet.
We're almost there.

[Buzzing]

It is bea arthur.

Ow!

Though in building
this bridge

To the 21st century...

no! No! Shoo!

The president and i
urge caution

To guard against
unfounded worries
about inflation...

♪ brainie the poo ♪

Brain: right now,
it's deflation
i'm worried about.

♪ surly, often churly,
he loves to grouse ♪

Pinky: whee! Wow!

♪ brainie the poo,
brainie the poo ♪

That singing,
it's incessant.

Oh, i think it's catchy.

I particularly like
the "poo" refrain.

You would.

Narrator:
brainie and pinklet

Flew up and out
of the book,

Across christopher's room,

And out of the window,

Until finally
they landed in my den.

And that is
a whole other story.

Brain, where will we go,

And what will we do?

Frankly,
my dear pinky,

I don't give a--

♪ dinky ♪

♪ they're pinky and the ♪

♪ poo, poo, poo, poo ♪

Poo!

[Wailing]

Alas, poor ghost.

Pity me not,

But lend
thy serious hearing

To what
i shall unfold.

Speak. I
am bound to hear.

So art thou to revenge

When though shalt hear--

Narf!

Narf?

Uh, never mind that.

I am your
father, luke.
Ha ha ha ha!

Quiet, pinky.

Sorry, brain.
Poit!

Pinky, methinks
i shall have
to smite thou.

Unh!

Um, shouldn't it
be "smite thee"?

What say you
of this "pinky," ghost?

It soundeth strange
to mine ears.

Never mind pinky.

I am thy father's
spirit, hamlet,

Doomed to walk
the night

Till thou
shalt revenge

My most unnatural
m*rder.

m*rder?

m*rder most foul.

The serpent that did
sting thy father's life
now wears his--

Pinky: pants.

Pants.

Wears his pants?

I don't know, brain.
Where did you
see them last?

Wears his pants?

What mean you by this?

Not his pants.
His crown.

Sorry.
I am bewitched

By spirits of
the nether world.

Stop pulling
that lever, pinky.

The hour grows late, ghost.

Get thee to the point.

Me thinks thou, uh...

thee--Thine...

uh...you...

rrr!

I'm the ghost
of your father.

Your uncle
k*lled me,

And i want you
to get revenge, ok?

My uncle?

Oh, villain,
smiling villain.

Yet will i sweep
to my revenge.

Aah!
Aah!

Something is rotten
in the state of denmark.

Oh, sorry, brain.

Must be
this cheese danish

I've been saving
since the ides
of march. Narf!

I must be cruel
only to be kind, pinky.

Troz!

Tell me again, brain,

Why do we want
to take over

A tiny little country
like denmark?

First denmark,
pinky,

Then all
of scandinavia.

I will begin my plan
for world domination

By opening large stores

Filled with flimsy,
impossible-To-Assemble
wooden furniture.

Frustrated millions,

Their minds
weakened by years

Of following
nonsensical
instructions,

Will automatically
follow these
instructions--

Narf.

Brilliant, brain.

Um...oh, wait. Um...

what does this have to do
with that omelet fellow?

That's "hamlet," pinky.

You see, king hamlet,
his father is dead,

And his uncle claudius
has married queen gertrude,
his mother,

And is now the king,
usurping prince hamlet's
place.

I shall set one
against the other,

And then,
in the ensuing chaos,

Rise to power.

Any questions?

Um...yes.

Do you have any threes,
or should i go fish?

Stupidity--

Thy name is pinky.

I am but mad.

North-Northwest.

Well, we've driven
hamlet mad.

Now i've got
to think of a way

To make king claudius
think that hamlet
has it in for him.

[Bell rings]

Look at this huge,
tubey bell, brain.

Never mind about that.

And it's not a tubey bell.
It's a tubular bell.

It's tubey.

It is not tubey.

Tubey or not to be.

That is the question.

Narf! Oh, you see that?

He's as confused as i am.

No one is as confused
as you are.

He's mad.

Well, he should learn
to control his anger.

He's not angry mad.
He's crazy mad.

Oh. I hope
he's not mad at me.

No, i'm mad at you.

About my brain. Hmm.

I have heard
that guilty creatures
sitting at a play

Have, by the very
cunning of the scene,

Been struck
so to the soul

That presently,
they have confessed
their evil deeds.

I wonder
what he's up to.

Hark, pinky.

Hark? Um...

are you sure you don't mean
"narf" or perhaps "poit"?

I mean, i suppose
i could hark,

But--Ha--Remember,
i'm new at this.

Hark! Hark!

The play's the thing,

Wherein i'll catch
the conscience
of the king.

A play?

That's the best
he could do?

A play?

Wait a minute.

Pinky...

art thou pondering that
which i am pondering?

Me think so,
brain, verily,

But dost thou
think pete rose
by any other name

Would still
smell as sweaty?

Mark me, pinky.

I shall replace
hamlet's play

With a play calculated

To make everyone
in the palace
mad at each other.

Then, in the ensuing chaos,

I shall become
the great dane.

Ooh. I hope you're
parchment-Trained.
Hark!

What's this?

Oh, that's the play
i wrote.

Play?

How did you
write a play?

With this goose quill.
Ha ha ha ha!

Yes, pinky. Well...

write it again,

And this time i suggest
you dip the goose quill
into some ink.

That way, you can actually
see the words on the paper.

Hark! Oh, good idea, brain.

Um, how do you spell "king"?

B-R-A-I-N!

[Trumpets playing]

How fares
our cousin hamlet?

Excellent i'faith.

How now, my lord,

You must mark
this short play
i have produced.

Your majesties.

Player, you are
tiny of stature.

I am a very good
actor, my queen.

I am only...

acting short.

All: ahh!

And now 2 players
garbed in lace and chintz

Perform, as ordered
by the prince,

A piece in which
we speak and sing
entitled...

the big, fat, stinky king.

What?
[People gasping]

I must be mad.

What ho, fair maiden?

Oh, big, fat,
stinky king,

I am but a wench
named pinky,

Yet thou art big,

Thou art fat,

And...hang on a sec.
Oh, yeah.

Thou art stinky!

Say you, damsel,
that i am stinky?

Hark!
And big and fat.

And i, a king.
Imagine that.

Like some other king,
me thinks,

Whose hugeness
is rotund.

And stinks.

♪ stinky, stinky ♪

♪ big and fat ♪

♪ a stinky king ♪

♪ a stinky king ♪

♪ oh, stinky king ♪

♪ not small and thin ♪

♪ oh, stink-- ♪

Enough! Away!

But, this--This be not
the play that i didst plan.

[People groaning]

My plan is working
perfectly, pinky.

Hamlet hates
the king.

The king
hates hamlet.

Hark, brain!

Hark! Hark!
Hark! Hark! Hark!

Now we must visit the queen
and convince her

That both
the king and hamlet
are plotting against her.

Your majesty...

we wouldst
speak with you
about prince hamlet.

Hark!

That's enough, pinky.

Hamlet: mother,
mother, mother.

Withdraw.
I hear him coming.

Hamlet, thou has
thy father much offended.

Mother, you have
my father
much offended.

Hark!

Gertrude: come, come.

You answer
with an idle tongue.

Hark!

Hamlet: go, go.
You question with
a wicked tongue.

Hark!

Ok, that's it.

I can't stand it
any longer.

Will you stop
saying "hark"?

How now. A rat.

Dead for a ducat!
Dead!

Aah!
Aah!

Brain: alas,
poor pinky.

Pinky: i'm actually
not a lass, brain.

That was
just a costume.

[Smack]

Ow! Or is it "thou"?

It is he,
the smallish knave

Who would sow
seeds of discord

Among us happy danes.

Happy? B-But--

Defend thyself, varlet.

Ha!

[Both grunting]

Uhh!

Aah.

I am justly k*lled
with mine own treachery.

[Groaning]

[Gasps]

I am dead, pinky.

Adieu.

Adieu.

[Croaks]

Pinky...

in this harsh world,

Draw thy breath in pain
to tell my story.

Oh.

I die, pinky.

The rest...

is...silence.

[Bell tolls]

Good night, sweet brain,
and flights of--

Man: ok, people, take 5.

That's all i can stand.

But what do you
think of the play?

Billy, billy, billy.

The play's
got possibilities,

But lose the mice.
They stink.

Second man: all right,
i'll be in my dressing room.

Come, pinky.

We must return
to the lab

And prepare
for tomorrow night.

Why, brain?
What are we going
to do tomorrow night?

The same thing we do
every night, pinky--

Try to take over
the globe...theater!

♪ they're dinky ♪

♪ they're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ brain, brain,
brain, brain ♪