03x26 - Inherit the Wheeze

[bunniefuu]

Gee, brain,

What do you
want to do tonight?

The same thing
we do every night,
pinky,

Try to take over
the world.

♪ they're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ yes, pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ one is a genius ♪

♪ the other's insane ♪

♪ they're
laboratory mice ♪

♪ their genes
have been spliced ♪

♪ they're dinky ♪

♪ they're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ brain, brain, brain ♪

♪ brain, brain, brain,
brain, brain ♪

♪ before each night
is done ♪

♪ their plan
will be unfurled ♪

♪ by the dawning
of the sun ♪

♪ they'll take over
the world ♪

♪ they're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ yes, pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ their twilight campaign ♪

♪ is easy to explain ♪

♪ to prove
their mousey worth ♪

♪ they'll overthrow
the earth ♪

♪ they're dinky ♪

♪ they're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ brain, brain, brain ♪

♪ brain, brain,
brain, brain ♪

Narf!

[Coughing]

The poor little mouse
must have a cold.

It's no cold.

These test results prove
that he's addicted

To cigarettes made
by your tobacco company.

You government scientists
are funny.

There aren't
any test results.

At least, there wouldn't be,

If you came to work
for my company.

If you're trying
to bribe me, forget it.

I wouldn't work
for your tobacco company

For all the money
in the world.

[Hacking]

First i'll take over
that world, then that world,

Then that world...

[groans]
scientist: enough!

How could i work
for a company

That makes people
as sick as this mouse?

Playin' hardball, huh?

All right,
i'll double your salary

And throw in
all the cigarettes
you can smoke.

[Coughing]

I must have--[Coughs]--

Caught that poor little
mouse's cold.

Don't worry, little mouse.

Tomorrow we'll put you
in the addiction
recovery program.

Electric shock therapy
isn't as bad as it sounds.

H-Hey, i'll give ya
a state-Of-The-Art lab--

Human test subjects--

[Coughing]

Oh, give it up.

It's rats like you
who should be in a cage

Instead of those
poor little mice.

We've got a free salad bar--
[Coughs]--

And a jacuzzi!

Narf! Hello there,
stinky, smoky boy.

Do you have a monkey
in your pants?

The expression is
monkey on your back,

And the answer is no,

I am not addicted
to cigarette smoking--

[Hacking cough]

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Look, brain.

You hacked up a lovely
necklace of smoke!

♪ ring around
the pinky ♪

♪ brain is
really stinky ♪

Narf!

Very nice, pinky.

Well?

Well what?

Don't you have
a plan to take over

That big, round
whatchamahoozits
thingamabob?

Oh, the world.

Uh, yes. Just a minute.

Uh, i'll be right back.

Zort! Do you
smell cigarettes?

No.

I do.

Don't be silly.
Now focus, pinky.

Tonight's plan
involves space junk.

Ooh! Are you going
to make a hit movie
with a basketball star

And sell
jillions of dollars
worth of souvenirs?

Actually,
i considered that,

But for my current purpose,

I am referring to
actual worthless junk.

Poit! So was i.

There are hundreds
of discarded satellites
orbiting the earth.

Unroll this blueprint, pinky.
I'll be right back.

Ok.

[Coughing]

Um, where did
you go, brain?

Nowhere.

Were you going nowhere
because you smoke? Narf!

How many different ways
are you going to accuse me
of smoking?

Hmm...

oh, now he's gonna count.

Stop that.
I could explain 20 plans

In the time it would take you
to count to one. Now listen.

Tonight,
as all the discarded satellites

Pass within
mere miles of each other,

I will manipulate
the world's largest magnet

To move them into position,
spelling out,

"Brain is your ruler."

And pinky is
your tape measure!

Whaah!

Hoo hoo ha ha ha!

Troz! Look, brain.

I'm a fruit rolly-Thingie.

Brain?

Brain!

And just what
have you been up to,

You mouse who says
there aren't any monkeys
in his pants?

I--Eh--Just had
to check on...something.

Mm-Hmm. You were smoking,
weren't you?

No. I was just...

oh, for ptolemy's sake,

Yes, i was smoking.

I've been
smoking all evening.

Are you happy now?

No, i'm not!

Look at what you're
doing to your chubby,
little pink lungs!

[Sobs]

Ok. I'll quit smoking.

When?
Soon.

Would you like
a stick of gum?

Stop nagging me, pinky!

Now, come. We must get
to acme labs' rival:

J.R.L.--The jet
repulsion laboratory.

There, the most powerful
magnet in the world,

The particle-Accelerated
magneto-Tron, is housed.

But, brain, it's not polite
to go to someone's house
empty-Handed.

Or empty-Headed.

But there's not much
we can do about
either one right now.

Except...
have a cigarette.

Now, pinky,
we must hasten to get

The particle-Accelerated
magneto-Tron.

Victory is so close
i can smell it.

It smells like an ashtray.

The brain:
pinky, look!

[Pinky gasps]
great big shoes!

No! A cigarette!

Oh, dear. Zort!

The monkey is still
in brain's pants.

Uhh.

[Crunch]
aah!

[Crunch] ooh!

[Crunch] eee!

[Crunch] argh!

Guard:
what's on my shoe?

Ugh!

Oh! I wanted a turn
on the big shoe ride!

You always have
all the fun, brain!

Yes, a barrel
of monkeys.

In mere moments, pinky,

I will make
the space junk

Spell out,
"brain is your ruler."

You know--Poit--

I don't think they want you
to smoke in here, brain.

That's just during
the day, when other
people are around.

Yes!

[Buzzing]

Brain!
What's happening?!

It's just
the smoke detector.

I only need


[Buzzing]

[Zap]
yaah!

Brain...

you're still smoking.

Yes, but at least
i'm not inhaling.

Buh-Ha ha ha ha ha!

Ah-Huh! Ah-Huh!

Perfectly good plan ruined
by cigarette addiction.

My genius foiled
by dreaded nicotine.

Hmm. This o'tine fellow
must be very clever

To convince
so many people to suck

Burny, stinky leaf gas
down their throats.

Pinky, that's it!

Are you pondering
what i'm pondering?

I think so, brain.

But wouldn't his movies
be more suitable
for children

It he was named
jean-Claude van darn?

No, pinky.

Cigarettes are ruining
lots of peoples lives.

That tobacco executive
stole the test results

That prove, once and for all,
that cigarettes are addictive.

If i could find those results
and show them to the world,

I'd be proclaimed a hero!

But first...

i need a smoke.

The brain: this is where
that thieving tobacco
executive works, pinky--

The paul bunion company,

Makers of
lumberjack cigarettes.

Poit! These leaves give you
cancer and heart disease.

And they are mild.

When we get inside,

Look for anything marked
"secret papers."

[Coughing and hacking]

That coughing
reminds me, pinky,

I need a cigarette.

There must be
one in here
still smoldering.

Now that you've, ahem,

Taken care
of those test results,

We can work on
gettin' congress

To let us run
tv commercials again.

And when they do,
we'll be ready.

Take a look at this.

Man: timber!

When i need a break
from chopping down

Those 4,000-Year-Old
redwoods,

I turn to lumberjack
cigarettes.

Ahh.

The pure taste
of burning leaves.

When you
wanna feel that tar

Going deep
into your lungs,

Try lumberjack cigarettes.

Chorus: ♪ lumberjacks
are swell ♪

♪ and they make
your clothes smell ♪

♪ above and beneath ♪

♪ they leave--[Cough]--
Stains on your teeth ♪

♪ pick the leaves
of dead tobacco ♪

♪ chop 'em up
for lumberjack-O ♪

♪ rolled up tight
and lit on fire ♪

♪ suck 'em down
till you expire ♪

♪ so when you get yens
for those carcinogens ♪

♪ the lumberjacks
you bought ♪

♪ taste like--[Cough]--
Cigarettes ought ♪

What kind
of an ad is that?!

Well, there's this
truth-In-Advertising
baloney now.

This is all wrong.

How're we gonna sell
these coffin nails

If we have to say
all that stuff?

We need a cuter image

For the launch
of our new brand.

That's it! Some kinda
cuddly, happy character,

Like a smoking elf
or something.

Come back tomorrow
with some ideas.

[Coughs]

I want this new brand
to launch big!

We need to hook more smokers
than ever before,

And we need to impress
the old man.

Look at that!

Well, jab my lungs
with a hot poker!

It's that smokin' elf
the boss was talkin'
about!

He must have had this
set up all along!

[Coughs]

So what's your handle,
little elf guy?

I am a laboratory mouse with
a debilitating addiction

Who has come here to find
the documentation he needs

To take over the world.

My handle, as you put it,
is the brain.

The brain!

Hmm...

brainy cigarettes.

I like it!

Smoke 'em and get smart!

I'm gonna get started
on this campaign right away.

[Coughs] i'll get
the contracts drawn up.

[Coughs]

You are the new spokesman
for brainy cigarettes!

You'll be a star!

Mmm! There was something
crunchy in there.

The brain: you're
eating sand, pinky.

Ooh. I must get
the recipe. Narf!

This is the opportunity
we've been waiting for.

A big, smelly sandbox
of our own?

No, pinky.

I am going to be spokesman
for brainy cigarettes.

[Hacking]

But isn't that
a bad thing?

They're using you
to sell their
stinky cigarettes.

They won't be using me.

I shall be using them.

Now that i'm an employee,

I'll have access
to all the secret files.

And the xerox machine!

Please, pinky, we don't need
any more copies of your face.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Troz!

Brainy the elf mania
is sweeping the country

Through ads, t-Shirts,
and toys.

People are lining up
weeks ahead of time

To buy this new brand
of cigarettes.

Tobacco executive: keepin'
cigarette commercials
off of the tv

Goes against
the first amendment!

But you're targeting
these cigarette ads
at children.

We're targeting these
cigarette ads at adults!

Really short, young,
immature adults

Who happen to like
cartoon characters.

Here. Watch this.

♪ la la-La la la ♪

♪ la la la la la la la ♪

♪ la la la ♪

There goes brainy!

Always after
my pack of smokes.

Now, that's rich,
cool, smooth flavor.

[Hacking]

Nyaah!

Gotcha, brainy.

Now hand over
the happy sticks.

Ha ha ha!

You kids aren't
old enough to smoke.

But when you are,

Make your brand
brainy cigarettes.

Chorus:
♪ brainy cigarettes ♪

♪ not for kids,
but for the kid in you ♪

How do you
expect us to approve
something like that?

And where are
those missing documents
from the addiction studies?

You'd better have
some answers, mister!

All the answers you need

Are in those envelopes
right there in front of you.

Good answers.
Good answers.

Good answers.

Good answers.

The brain: this
is the last box.

Those stolen lab reports
must be in here.

[Crying]

Oh, who cares?

And just what is
bothering you now,
pinky?

How could you, brain?

How could i what?

Pinky,
what is this about?

How could you help them
sell cigarettes to children?

Poit! You're a disgrace
to elves everywhere!

Brainy cigarettes will
never hit the market.

I'm going to find
those test results

Before that commercial
ever airs.

Really, brain?

Pinky, where did you
get this paper?

I unrolled one
of your cigarettes.

Do you realize
what this means?

Um...it'll be harder
to light now?

No, pinky. The writing
on this paper

Is a piece of one of
the missing documents

With the proof that
nicotine is addictive.

[Hacks]

They're making
the stolen test results
into cigarettes.

Come on. We've got
to get to the factory.

Elf power! Yay!

Somewhere in here,

Those research documents are
being turned into cigarettes.

Then you must
use your elf magic
to turn them back.

"Elf magic."

I think you have
elves in your noggin!

Ha ha ha ha! That
explains the voices.

Indeed. I can only--

Pinky! Up there!

[Clang]

Hurry, pinky.
Save the paper.

Be free, little papers!
Run! Run!

Unh!

[Gasps]
[clang]

Pinky! Jump!

Ha ha ha ha! Whee!

Oh, this is fun,
brain.
Whaah!

[Clang]

What was that
clanging noise, brain?

Whaah!

Oof!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Ah ha ha ha ha!
The brain: oof!

Ow!
Oh!

It has become
painfully obvious

That we can't save
those documents, pinky.

I'm going to quit.

Quit smoking?

Hooray for you, brain!

Well...yes.

Eventually.

But right now,
i'm quitting
as spokesman.

What do ya mean,
you're quitting?!

Ya can't quit!

The live
global broadcast

To present brainy
cigarettes to the world
is tomorrow night!

We've got millions
of packs of cigarettes
with your face on 'em

Ready to ship to retailers.

You're already an icon.

He's a magic elf,

And he won't do
your evil bidding!

Zort!

Thank you for that
ringing defense, pinky,

But i can handle
this myself.

[Whispering]

T.B. Is here?

T.B.? Here?

[Hacks] now?

Well, perhaps this'll
change your mind!

The old man is here!

Oh, brain!
This old man!

Will he play knickknack
on his--D-Ooh!

Brainy the elf,

May i present the president
of the paul bunion
tobacco company,

T.B. Bunion!

[Gasps, whimpers]

When i took over
this company 20 years ago

As a lad of 26--

[Hacking and wheezing]

Pinky, that man
is only 46 years old.

Look what smoking
has done to him.

Tonight...

is the culmination
of my dream--[Coughs]

The worldwide broadcast.

With brainy cigarettes,
we have the ability

To reach every man, woman,
and child on the planet.

Reach every man, woman,
and child...

reach every man, woman,
and child...

yes!

Then you'll do
the broadcast?

Does a chimney smoke?
Ha ha ha ha!

[Coughing]

Yahoo!
Yahoo!
Yahoo!

Brain--Poit!
What are you doing?

A global broadcast, pinky.

Do you realize what that means?

A broadcast
around the globe?

Bingo.

This program will be seen

By every man, woman,
and child on the planet.

This is my opportunity...

to take over the world!

[Coughing]

This is it, pinky.

Once i convince everyone
to smoke,

I'll put an additive
in the tobacco

That will make them
worship me.

But you said

You weren't going to sell
to the little kiddies,

You...

hippopotamus!

It's not
"hippopotamus."

It's "hypocrite."

And i'm just
taking advantage
of a bad situation.

Well, you just tell that
to all the children

Who end up like that old man,
playing knickknack
up in heaven.

Announcer: live from
the dorothy gale pavilion,

The paul bunion
tobacco company
brings you

Brainy the elf!

That's my cue.

Aren't you going
to wish me luck?

[Sobs]

♪ la la-La la la ♪

♪ la la la la la la la ♪

♪ la la la ♪

[Squeak]

Hold it, mr. Stone.

Stop the music.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I came out here with
an agenda of my own.

But instead,

I want to apologize
for what i've done.

I'm sorry
if i gave anyone the idea

That smoking is good.

This tobacco company
has gone to great lengths

To hide the evidence that
cigarettes are addictive,

But believe me, they are.

You go, girl!

What in blazes
is he doing?

Call the satellite hookup

And pull the plug
on this travesty!

And to all the children
i may have influenced--

[Coughs]

This is how you will end up
if you smoke.

[Gasps]

[Wheezes]
i...

call an ambulance!
He can't breathe!

You're standing
on my air hose!

Oh.

[Wheezes]

Hurrah!

Oh, you did it, brain!

You gave up
taking over the world

To strike a blow
against cigarettes!

Occasionally, pinky--

Not often,
but occasionally--

There is a price
that is too high to pay.

Now, come.

We must
return to the lab

And prepare
for tomorrow night.

Why? What are we going
to do tomorrow night?

The same thing we'll be
doing every night

In the foreseeable future:

Trying to--

[Coughs]

Quit smoking.

Hand me that
nicotine patch, pinky.

♪ they're dinky ♪

♪ they're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ brain, brain, brain-- ♪

[Singers coughing]