02x04 - Haunted House

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Zoey 101". Aired: January 9, 2005 – May 2, 2008.*
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Series centers around Zoey Brooks as she enrolls in Pacific Coast Academy, a prestigious Southern California boarding school that previously only allowed boys to attend.
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02x04 - Haunted House

Post by bunniefuu »

WOMAN: Are you ready?

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ I know you see me
standing here ♪

♪ Do I look good,
my dear? ♪

♪ Do I look good today? ♪

♪ Today, today ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ I'm just another
kind of girl ♪

♪ And you want
to see my world ♪

♪ So come and run away ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ If you wanna play ♪

♪ Come and play today ♪

♪ Let's just get away, yeah ♪

♪ I will make you see ♪

♪ All of the things ♪

♪ That you can be ♪

♪ Believe in yourself ♪

♪ Come follow me ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

- Ok, I have a question.

- What's your question?

- What is the little red
thing inside green olives?

- Oh,
it's the olive's tongue.

- Eew!

Sick!

- You asked.

- What's up, peeps?

- Hey, what happened
to your arm?

- Oh, I cut it
really bad

when I was jumping
the fence behind the gym.

See?

- Aah!

BOYS: Oh!
That's--[gasping]

- God!

- Relax.

It's fake blood.

- Yes.

All over my french fries.

- Why are you walking around

spewing fake blood
out of your arm?

- Just testing out
some new scares

for this year's
haunted house.

- What haunted house?

- See, every Halloween,
the upper school does

a haunted house
for the lower school.

- And this year,
I'm in charge.

- We're in charge.

- Cool.

I love haunted houses.
- Me, too.

Can we help
you guys set it up?

- Yes, you can help us
set up the haunted house.

- Dude!
- Too late.

Chase said we could,
so ha!

- Ha!
- You've been ha'd.

- By girls.

- Whatever.

But this haunted house
is gonna be

majorly scary--

not girly scary.

- Hey, can I have
one of your french fries?

Mine are all covered
in Logan blood.

- Sure.

[speaking French]

- Um, I'm sorry.

We don't understand.

- I think they're foreign.

WOMAN: Oh! Ha ha ha!

There you are!

There you are!
[both speaking French]

- Who are they?

- This is Andre
and Monique Chambot.

- Hello.
- They're teachers

from a boarding school in France
here visiting PCA.

KIDS: Hey, nice to meet you.

- I've always wanted
to visit France.

- Yeah, you know,
we love your fries.

- Oh! Merci.
BOYS: No, no, no!

Don't eat that!

- Hey! I need
those monster heads in here now.

Let's go!
Double time.

- Hey.

- Hey, little D.

Hey, Jack.

Happy Halloween, man.

- Thanks.

Oooh, is this some
of the scary stuff

for the haunted house?

- Hey! Uh-uh.
Outta here.

- Why?

- 'Cause I don't
want you seeing

any of the haunted house stuff
till tonight.

So just take
your little roommate and go.

- Fine. Haunted houses
are stupid anyways.

- Yeah.
I've been to, like, 10 of them.

I've never been scared once.

- Really?
'Cause, uh...

this time...

I'm in charge
of the haunted house.

And it's not just gonna
make you scream.

It's gonna make you cry.

- Come on, man.

Why you gotta freak 'em out
like that?

Look, don't let him
get you all scared.

- Raaah!

BOYS: Aah!

- Raaah!

- Aah!

- Great.

That's a great costume.

Wow! Whoa!

- Hey, Mr. Bender.
- Hey.

- What do you think?
Know who I am?

- I believe I do.
Miss Marilyn Monroe!

- How 'bout me?

- Let's see.
Might you be looking for...

a yellow brick road?

- Yes.
See, I always wanted to be

Dorothy for Halloween,

but I want to be scary too,

and Dorothy's not scary,
so Zoey thought

of a great idea.
Look!

- Ha ha.
So you're Dorothy...

but with an axe
stuck in your back.

- Uh-huh.
Can't trust that Tin Man.

- Apparently.

- Hey, love your costume,
too.

- Yeah!

- My costume?

- Yeah.
The bowtie and the dorky shirt.

- You're a big nerd, right?

- Right.

I'm a big nerd.

- Well, we gotta go help
the guys

set up
the haunted house.

- Ok.

- Later!
- Bye.

- Come on, guys.
We gotta hurry.

It's gonna be dark
in 3 hours.

- Oh, my God!

- What?
- There's Tim!

Look at him.
Isn't he gorgeous?

Say he's gorgeous!

- He's gorgeous.
- I know!

And he's dressed up
as a mummy.

That is so creative.

I must make him love me.

- [growls]

- See, in the Wizard of Oz,

Dorothy was from Kansas,

and I'm from Kansas,
so this cannot be

a more perfect costume
for me, don't you think?

- O...k.

- Yeah. So what's
your favorite vegetable?

I like corn.

You a corn guy?

- Excuse us just for a sec.

- What?

- I think you're coming on
a little too strong.

- But I have to marry him.

- Ok, but you just need to--

- Blaah!

- Oh, hey, Chase.
- Hi, Chase.

- What--you weren't scared?

- Why would we be scared
of a magician?

- A magic--no, no, no.

I'm a vampire!

- Hey, Mr. Magic.

- I am a vampire!

You guys want to see
my receipt for the costume?

- No. I just need you
and your little girlfriends

to come give me a hand
in the tunnel of doom.

- Come on, let's go help him.

You can do a magic trick
for me later.

- I am not a magi--

bleeeh!

- Hey!

Cool haunted house!

- Yeah.

- Looks really scary--

Hey, you.
What's your name?

- I'm Tim.

- Well, Tim,

you should not be
in a mummy costume.

- Why not?

- 'Cause Mark's dressed
as a mummy.

- Who's Mark?

- I'm Mark.

- Why would you choose
a mummy costume

when you knew Mark was
going to be a mummy?

- How could I have known?

- I wrote about it
on my blog.

Now go change!

- Why should I go ch--
- Go!

- All right! Man!

- I'm really sorry
this happened.

- Whatever.
- [sighs]

Now...

let's finish
your head bandages.

Sit.
- All right.

- Ok, but why do I
have to wait for it?

But how come you--

ok, just tell me why--

ok, ok, fine.
I'll do it. Bye!

That Logan's always
ordering me around.

One of these days--
- [grunts]

Aah!
- Aah!

- Michael?

- Yeah, it's me!

Why are you screaming like that,

giving me
a heart att*ck?

- Sorry.

But you look really scary.

- Thanks.
Hey, you better go

get your costume on, man.

The haunted house starts
as soon as it gets dark.

- Yeah. Shouldn't you
be there setting up?

- No.
Logan's got me waiting

for some delivery truck
bringing more stuff.

- Oh, uh...

sorry I almost gave you
a heart att*ck.

- It's cool.

It's just my heart.

There.

It's goin' again.

- Ok. Close your mouth.

There we go.

Now, I'm using
a powerful super-adhesive glue

so these bandages
can't come off.

[Mark mumbles]

There. Done.

[Mark mumbling]

- Ooh, that's good.

You sound just like a mummy.

[Mark mumbling]

Oh, I got some glue
on my fingers.

Better go get
some solvent.

Be back in a sec.

[Mark mumbling]

- Man, it's hot in there.

- Yeah. And scary.

I think Logan's taking
this haunted house thing

way too seriously.

[Mark mumbling]

Ooh, there's Tim.

- Yeah. He finished
putting on his mummy bandages.

- How cute is that? Hi, Tim!

- [mumbling emphatically]

What?

- [mumbles, groans]

- Where's he going?

- [groans]
- I don't know.

Why don't I go find out?

Wish me luck.

- Luck.

- Tim!

Tim!

[honk]

- Where's that delivery truck?

[speaking French]

- Uh...hi.

What's up?

- Uh...uh...uh...

'ospital?
- Hospital?

- Hospital?

- Oui. Oui. Oui.

- Oh, no!
See, I'm fine.

I'm not hurt.

It's just a costume.

Halloween.

- Yes, yes.
Hospital.

- Oui, oui. Hospital.

- No! No! Halloween!

I'm not hurt!

[overlapping argument]

Help! Help!
- Yes, yes, we help.

[yelling in French]

- Tim!

Hey!

Here I am!

- [mumbling]

- Tim!
I've been chasing you

for, like, a half an hour,
yelling your name.

You didn't hear me?

[Mark grunting]

What?

Oh, you want to kiss me?

[Mark groans]

Tim!

Are you all right?

- [grunting]
Uhh!

- Ok, wait there.
I'll find a way

to get down there
and help you.

- Uhh!

Uhh!

[howling]

[birds screeching]

- And now...

your nightmare begins!

[eerie groaning]

You are about to enter
the most evil place on Earth.

- Bleehh!

- Hey, Chase.

- Hey.

- Dude, you're ruining
my haunted house.

- I'm scaring the children.

- You a magician?

- No, I'm a vampire.

- Zoey, will you please
make him be quiet?

- Come with me.

- You think I look
like a vampire, right?

- Yes, you're very scary.

- I know.

[whispers] I'm scary.

- Now...

walk this way and enter

the tunnel of doom!

[howling]
[thunder]

[screams]

- Um...

is there
someplace else we can enter?

- Why?

Scared?

[eerie groaning]

- No.
- Good.

This way, then.

[screaming]

Boo!

- Don't you scare them
too much.

- Relax.

[thunder, screeching]

- Ok.

This is a little scary.

VOICE: Jack.

Jack.

Jack!

Jack!

- Ok, that's a lot scary.

Why is that creepy voice
saying my name?

VOICE: [echoing] Jack!

- It's just Logan
messing with you.

VOICE: Jack.

Jack.
[screaming]

[thunder]
VOICE: Jack!

[screaming]

- Let's get out of here!

[kids screaming]

- Are you trying
to scare them to death?

- Yeah, pretty much.

- Turn on the lights right now!

- No!
- Yes!

- Zoey!

- It's ok, Dustin.

- No!
I can't find Jack!

- What do you mean?

- He was right beside me
just a minute ago.

Where'd he go?

- Logan?

- He's probably still
in the tunnel.

- No, he's not.

Tunnel's empty.

- What?

I didn't do anything
to the kid.

- Then where is he?

[thunder]
[evil laughter]

[howling]

- Jack!
- Jack?

- Jack!
- Hey, Jack!

- Where's Jack?
- Where is that kid?

- I don't know, but this is
getting a little weird.

- A little weird?
Dustin's roommate is missing.

That's worse
than a little weird.

- I'm gonna look
in the tunnel.

- He's not in there.

- Well,
that's the last place he was,

and somebody's gotta
find him.

- Dustin, come back here.

- Just let him look.
It can't hurt.

- Well, I don't want him
to disappear, too.

- Look, there's no way
a little kid could

just disappear
in that tunnel.

- Unless someone
made him disappear.

- What?

- Is this your idea
of a funny prank?

- 'Cause if it is,
you're taking it way too far.

- Oh, come on!

- You come on.

- Where's Jack?

- Look, if I'm lying,
then--

- Then what?

- Then I hope I wake up
tomorrow not great-looking.

- He's telling the truth.

- Totally telling the truth.

[Dustin panting]
[thunder]

Dustin, what is that?

[evil laugh]

What are you holding?!

- It's...

it's the hat Jack was wearing.

[voice cackles]

- Mark!

Mark!

Mark!

Mark!

Have you seen a mummy?

- Uh, sorry.

- That's not helpful.

Mark!

- I'm not injured.

It's Halloween!

Oh, man!

[both shouting in French]

- Ok.

How could Jack
have lost his hat?

- I keep telling you,
I don't know!

- You designed
this haunted house.

- So where's Jack?

- Look, I promise you
we'll find him.

[evil laugh]
ALL: Aaaahhh!

- What happened
to the lights?

- I'm scared!

- Just wait, wait, wait.

Here.

[sighs]

It's ok.

- Did you turn off
the power?

- No!
- He couldn't have.

He was standing
right next to me.

- Ok, you know what?
A kid's missing,

the power's out.
I'm gonna go get Dean Rivers.

- I'm on board with that.

- It's locked.
- What do you mean?

- What do you mean,
what do I mean?

I said the door's locked.

How many definitions
of "locked" are there?

- Ok, just calm down.

JACK: Help me.
- Look!

- Help me.

- It's Jack!

- Help me.

- Dude, where are you?

- Aah!

KIDS: Aah!

BOTH: Aah!

- What's happening?!

- Lost them.

Good.

Crazy French people.

Oh, man!

- Mmm.

The Blix.

[music playing]

- We gotta get out of here.

- Why don't they have
phones in basements?

- We gotta find Jack.

- Look, tell us
the last thing that happened

before he disappeared.

- Well,
we're in the tunnel

and we heard somebody calling
his name in a whisper...

like,

"Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack,
Jack, Jack, Jack.

Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack,
Jack, Jack, Jack."

- Well, who was calling
his name?

- I don't know.

- Ok, so you were
in the tunnel and--

VOICE: [echoing]
Dustin.

Dustin.

Dustin.

[evil laugh]

- Zoey!

It's gonna get me!

- No, it's not.

- What are those lights?

[thunder]

[screams]

- Ok, that was freaky.

- Yeah.

- Wait, where's Dustin?

- Oh, man.

Dustin!

- Dustin!

- Look, no, I do not need
to go to the hospital.

I don't know what you guys
are saying,

but y'all are really starting
to get on my nerves.

- [grunting]

- Aah!

[all screaming]

- Oh, the att*ck of King Tut!

Here he comes.

- [grunting]

- I don't know who you are,

but I love you and your costume.

- [grunting]

- Oh, Tim.

- [groans]

- There you are.

I thought you were hurt.

Why'd you keep running from me?

[Mark grunting]

- 'Sup, Tim?
See you later, Tim.

- Where you going?

- Back to my room
so I can throw

my French book
in the garbage.

- So, Tim,

looks like we're alone.

Perfect time
for that kiss.

- [grunting]

- Here, let's get
this tape off of your mouth.

- Uhh! Uhh!

- Wow,
it's really on there.

- Uhh!

Uhh!

- There you are.

- Quinn, not right now.

- What were you doing?

- Trying to get
the bandages off his mouth.

- You can't do that
without a special solvent.

Move.

- [groaning]

[groans]

[gasping]

- There.

- Mark?!

Mark?!

- Where have you been
for the past 3 hours?

- Running away from her.

- Why?

- She was trying to kiss me.

- Ok, Quinn, now.

Wait a minute.

- You were trying
to kiss my sweetheart?

- Yeah, but, well, see, I--

- You are dead meat, woman!

- Aah!

- Come back here
and face my wrath!

- Aah!

Aah!

- I hate Halloween.

- Zoey, come on.
It's ok.

- It's not ok.
My little brother

and his roommate
are missing.

- She's right, man.

This is bad.

This is like bad bad.

[thunder]

- Oh, the lights.

VOICE: Logan.

Logan.

- Oh, my God!

VOICE: Logan...
- Leave me alone!

- Look out, man!
Don't let it get you!

- No way.
I'm getting out of here.

[evil laugh]
[grunts]

- Dude, the door's locked!

- [grunts]
VOICE: Logan!

[screams]

- Aah! Help!

- They're gonna get you!
You got 5 seconds left, man!

Run! Run! Run!
- Go!

LOGAN: Help me!

- Well, he's gone.

- Turn on the lights.

[kids cheering]

- What happened?

- Did he fall for it?

- Totally.
- Yeah.

I think he may have had
a stroke.

BOTH: Yeah!

- That's what he gets
for trying to scare us.

- Yeah.

DUSTIN: Do you think
he learned his lesson?

- Logan?
- I doubt it.

- Well, come on,
it's Halloween.

Let's party it up!

[cheering]

[music playing]

♪ ♪

WOMAN:
♪ Yeah, yeah, you ♪

♪ I just gotta let it loose ♪

♪ Don't walk away ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I will make you see ♪

♪ All of the things ♪

♪ That you can be ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

[ding]

MAN: Mmm.

ZOEY: You're a big nerd, right?

[electric buzzing]
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