01x05 - Prank Week

[bunniefuu]

WOMAN: Are you ready?

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ I know you see me
standing here ♪

♪ Do I look good,
my dear? ♪

♪ Do I look good today? ♪

♪ Today, today ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ I'm just another
kind of girl ♪

♪ And you want
to see my world ♪

♪ So come and run away ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ If you wanna play ♪

♪ Come and play today ♪

♪ Let's just get away, yeah ♪

♪ I will make you see ♪

♪ All of the things ♪

♪ That you can be ♪

♪ Believe in yourself ♪

♪ Come follow me ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

[radio beeps]

[music starts playing]

- Wake up, guys. It's 7:00.

- I'm up.

- Where's Nicole?

- Up there.

Nicole, wake up!

- She isn't up there.
Where could she be?

- Hi.
- [screams]

[gasps]
Nicole, what are you doing?

- I had a bad dream in
the middle of the night,

and usually when
I have a bad dream,

I crawl into bed with my mom,
but she's back home in Kansas.

- [sighs]

- Did I scare you?

- Oh, no. I always wake up

with a scream and a quick
heart att*ck.

- I'm sorry.
[knock on door]

- Quick, come outside!

You got to see this!

[all murmuring]

- Somebody TP'd our dorm.

- And there's toilet paper
everywhere!

Who did this?

- That's what I want to know.

- Wait, maybe this was
an accident.

- This was no accident.

This was an att*ck on
the girls' dorm.

ALL: Yeah!

- Yeah, and whoever did it
is gonna pay!

ALL: Yeah!

- Yeah!
We'll hunt them down

and surgically remove
their kidneys!

I mean... whoever did it
is gonna pay!

ALL: Yeah!

- Ugh. I thought that class
was never gonna end.

Why does history have to be
so boring?

- You know why history's
boring?

Because none of our
past presidents were cute.

- Abraham Lincoln
was kinda cute.

- With that big hat?

- Yeah, the big hat
kind of k*lled his cuteness.

- I thought the guy
in the theater did.

- Yeah, well, him too.

- What goes on?

- Hey.
- What's up?

- So I hear you girls woke up

to a little surprise
this morning.

- Yeah, someone TP'd
our whole dorm.

- We saw.

- Yeah, somebody got
you guys good.

- We're gonna find out who.

- I already have
some theories.

I was thinking it was either
the football team or maybe--

- It was us.
- I bet it was hippies.

- We did it.
- I hear hippies live by

the beach, so maybe they snuck
on campus last night and--

- Wait a second.

Did you guys just say
you did it?

- Yeah.
- We did it.

- Surprise.

Hey!
Don't be throwin' grapes.

- Why'd you guys TP
our dorm?

- Because it's prank week.

- Yeah. Prank week.

- Okay, what is prank week?

- Man, don't girls know
anything?

- I know how to make you cry.

- What are you gonna do,
kiss me?

- You wish.

- Yeah, I do.

- All right, will somebody
tell me

what prank week is
right now?

- Okay, look,
it's this tradition

here we have at PCA,

and it happens one week
every year.

- This week.

- Yeah, see,
the returning students...

- That'd be us.

- Play pranks on all
the new students.

- That'd be you.

- It's sort of like, uh,

your initiation into PCA.

- It's fun.
- Well, for us.

- Yeah, not for you.

- Are you sure this isn't
just some excuse

for the guys
to pick on the girls?

- No.
We do this every year.

- Yeah, it just so happens that
this is the first year

that girls are allowed
into PCA.

- Which make you guys
prime targets.

- Okay. And what do we do?

- Nothing.
- Except, you know, get pranked.

- And we're just supposed
to take it?

- Hey, they're catchin' on.

- Okay, well, I think
prank week is idiotic.

- Hey, we had to do it
our first year.

- Yeah, and the pranks
were pretty harsh.

[kids laughing]

- Aah! Shark! Shark!

Don't eat me! Don't eat me!

Shark! Aah!

[both laughing]

BOY: Good morning, Logan.

[all laughing]

- Well, we're not gonna be
such easy targets.

- Yeah. Now that we know
about prank week,

we're gonna be
on guard.

- Uh, hey, Nicole,
could you toss this

in that trash can behind you?

- Aah!
- [screams]

[boys laughing]

- You got to love
prank week.

- Totally, man.

- And I want to get a few sh*ts
of Mr. Bradford standing

with me, right by his father's
statue there.

- Oh, hey, Dean Rivers.
- Boys.

- What's going on
with the statue?

- I'm having it cleaned.

Make sure you polish his butt!

- Why are you having it
cleaned?

- Because tomorrow morning,

I'm having some photos
taken in front of it

with Mr. Bradford.

- Mr. Bradford?

- The guy who founded PCA?

- No, not that Mr. Bradford.

He's been dead for years.

His son is coming here.

You boys live in this dorm?

- Yes, sir.
- We do.

- Uh-huh.

- Well, make sure it looks
perfect.

I don't want any trash
or teenage items

mucking up the grounds.

- No, sir.
- No trash.

- Or teenage items.

- Get that bird poop
off his shoulder!

- Well, I don't think that

we should just sit around
and take it.

I think we should
prank the guys back.

ALL: Yeah.

[all talking at once]

- Wait, wait.
I have the perfect prank!

- We're not removing
anyone's kidneys.

- No, no.

Okay, we wait till it's dark.

- Yeah?

- Then we sneak up to one

of the boys' dorms...

- Okay?

- Loving this.

- Then...
we set off a sonic

high-frequency device

and render all the boys
unconscious!

- Quinn, there's no
"sonic device"

that renders people
unconscious.

- Oh, really? Just wait.

- Zoey, how come
you're not saying anything?

You always say things.

- I don't know.
I just don't think

we should sink to
their level.

- What do you mean?

- Well, I mean,
we'll prank them,

they'll prank us back.
What's the point?

- So we should just
sit around and be victims?

- No, I think we should talk
to some of the guys

and tell 'em we don't want to be
a part of prank week.

- But it's a PCA tradition.

- Yeah, and it used to be
a tradition

that girls weren't even allowed
here, but we changed that.

[all agreeing]

BOY: Ah! Help me!

- And fire!

[girls screaming]

- All right!
They've had enough!

- Cease fire! Ha-ha!

- You're all dead!

- It's okay, Dana.
It's just water balloons.

It's no big deal.

- Incoming!

Ha-ha-ha!

- All right. This means w*r.

ALL: Yeah!

- Okay, everyone knows
the plan, right?

ALL: Yeah.
- Okay.

Now, let's make sure
we've got everything.

- I got the dress.
- Good.

- I got the paint.

- Perfect.

- I got the bra.

- Where'd you get that?

- I got it out of the dryer

when Coco was doing
her laundry.

- You stole
our dorm adviser's bra?

- Where else was I supposed
to get one this big?

- I did it!

- What'd you do?

- I built this.

It's a
sonic neural neutralizer.

- We don't speak geek.

- Explain.

- Well, I just push
this button,

and it emits
a high-frequency sound

that interferes with
human brainwaves, causing

anyone within 100 yards
to lose consciousness.

Shall we try it
on the boys?

- Quinn,
it's not gonna work.

- Then you force me
to demonstrate.

Prepare to be knocked out.

[loud buzz]

- Quinn, turn that off!

[buzzing stops]

- We should all be
unconscious.

Do you feel dizzy?

Confused? Woozy?

- No.

- Just annoyed.

- It must need adjustments.

- So must your head.

- Hmm?

- All right, let's go
get this done!

ALL: Break!

- Where are you going?

- Oh. Hi, Coco.

- Uh, we were just getting ready
to study together.

- Yeah, studying.
- Studying.

- Dressed in camouflage?

- It's a new fashion thing.

- Yeah. Camouflage
is the new black.

ALL: Yeah.

- I see. All right.

I'm gonna go watch
Leno.

Oh, wait.
Have any of you seen

a large bra?

About...yea big?

- No.
- No.

- Nowhere.

- Hmm.

- I can't believe it.

- They're not supposed
to prank us back!

That's against tradition!

- Yeah. But he does look
kinda cute.

- Mornin', boys.

- Hey, nice statue.

It really makes your dorm
look special.

- Hey, Logan,
is that your dress on him?

- You're not supposed
to prank us back.

- Uh-oh.
- Dean Rivers.

- Rivers!
- Yes, sir.

- Would you care to tell me

why the statue of my father
is wearing that?

DEAN RIVERS: Uh...

- Oh, Daddy,

what have they done to you?

[shutter clicking]
Don't take pictures!

Here, let me get this
off of you.

Oh! Undergarments?

[kids chuckle]

- Who did this?

I demand to know this instant!

- I'll tell you who did it.

- No, because we don't know

who did it, right?

- I'm not taking the heat
for this.

- Man, that's a big bra!

- I'm not gonna ask you
again.

Who did this?

- Uh, technically, sir,

you did just ask again.

- Chase...

- Sorry.

- We did it.

- Who is we?

- Us girls.

- Well...
I should've known.

- Come on,
it was just a prank.

- This is what I get
for allowing girls

into Pacific Coast Academy.

- All right, now,
wait a second--

- My father always intended
for this school

to be for boys only,
and so did I.

But I let my wife talk me into
letting girls in,

which I knew was a mistake.

- Sir--

- Girls,
enjoy your next few months

here at Pacific Coast Academy,
because after this semester,

this school goes back
to boys only.

And you...

get those panties
off my father.

[laughter]

BRADFORD: Come on!

♪ ♪

BRADFORD: I meant what I said.

After this semester,
no more girls at PCA.

- Mr. Bradford, this was just
a harmless prank.

BRADFORD: Harmless prank.

They disgraced the memory
of my daddy...

and his underwear.

- Sir, if I could just
please explain--

- This is exactly what happens
when you put

teenage boys and girls
together.

You know what you get?
Hijinks.

And I don't like hijinks.

I like my jinks low.

- Look,
we're really, really sorry.

- Please don't make me go back
to my old school!

The boys are all dumb
and gross!

- We swear
it'll never happen again.

- Oh, I know that.

Because after this semester,

you're gone.

Pacific Coast Academy
will once again

be an institution for boys--
and boys only.

- You can't do that.

- Oh, yes, I can.

My father founded this school.

I can put ducks in the toilets
if I want to.

Now, good day...

girls.

- I cannot believe we got
kicked out over a dumb statue.

- [sobbing]

- Nicole.

- I don't want to leave!

This is the best school ever!

It's got a swimming pool
and cute boys,

and it's across the street
from the beach

and has cute boys.

- Well, I'm sure
there's cute boys

back at your school
in Kansas.

- No, they're all dumb
and gross.

I want to stay here
at PCA.

- This is all the guys' fault!

- I know! Them
and their stupid prank week.

Quinn, did you hear?

This is gonna be
our last semester at PCA.

- Can't talk.

Plotting revenge. Heh.

- I'm gonna miss

her freakish ways.

- Okay, that's it.
I'm gonna fix this right now.

So with all due respect, sir,

I think it's wrong to blame
all the girls at PCA

when the whole thing
was my idea.

- She does have a point,
sir.

- So do I.
My father's image

was besmudged in front of
this entire school.

- But it was my idea.

I'm the...
besmudger.

- Uh-huh.

- I think you should let

the rest of the girls
stay at PCA.

Kick me out.

Just me.

- All right.

Zoey Brooks, you're expelled.

DEAN RIVERS:
Now, Mr. Bradford--

- And the rest of the girls
can stay?

- On one condition.
- What?

- You apologize.

- I'm sorry.

- No, not just to me.

In front of this entire school.

And then...
you leave.

- You're not leaving.

- Yes, I am.

Nicole, will you stop
unpacking me?

- No.

- Yes.

Dana, you're gonna
have to let me leave.

- I know. This is mine.

- Oh. Sorry.

- Here, take it.

- You sure?

DANA: Take it.

- Thanks.

- This is so wrong!

Zoey, you can't leave!
It's--

- Here come the waterworks.

- I can't help it
if I cry.

Wait,
no tears are coming out.

Nothing.
I cried myself dry.

That's so sad.

- Hey, Zoey.
Um, there's a phone call

for you downstairs
in the lounge.

- Who calls me
in the lounge?

- Come on, let's go
down there.

- [sighs]

How can I be out of tears?
Wait!

- What's going on?

- We wanted to say thanks.

- For fixing it so we can all
stay here at PCA.

- "We'll miss you, 'Zowie'"?

- Heh. They misspelled it.
Sorry.

- It's okay.

Thanks, guys.

CHASE: What's up?

- Just sort of saying good-bye.

- Listen, Zoey, we feel
kind of bad, 'cause...

I mean, the whole
prank week thing

kind of got out of hand,
and, you know,

we didn't know anybody
would, um...

Listen, we didn't want you
to, uh...

You know what I'm saying.

- You don't even know
what you're saying.

Look, Zoey, we just came by
to say that

we think it stinks
that you have to leave.

And, uh, we got
you something.

- Aw, it's a bunny
with a PCA shirt on it.

- Chase picked it out.

- Okay, why tell people?

- Come on, let's eat
the Zowie cake.

ALL: Yeah.
- Totally.

- Okay.

- Go on, man.

- What?

- You know what. Come on.

Zoey's leaving tomorrow,
and if you don't

tell her how you feel now,
that's it.

Last chance.

- Yeah, I don't know.
I mean--

- Get over there.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- Um...listen, Zoey.

Um...

I just wanted to say that

I think it's been really cool
getting to know you

and hanging out with you
and stuff

and playing foosball
and seeing movies

and--and doing homework
together and...

I kind of wanted to say
something.

Would this be a good time?

- Well, yeah.
I'm standing right here.

- Yeah. There you are,
right there.

- Hi.

- Hi.
So what I wanted to say was--

- I've done it!
I've done it!

I've done it! I've done it!

None of you thought
I could build

a sonic neural neutralizer
that could

render people unconscious
with sound waves,

but I've done it!

Now,
when I activate this orb,

you will all be knocked out,
so try to fall

on something soft. Ready?

- Quinn...

[loud buzz]

- Is anybody unconscious?

ALL: No!

[buzzing stops]

[crash]

QUINN:
Okay, who put that lamp there?

- All right, students.

Zoey would like to say
a few words

before she leaves.
Zoey?

- Fellow classmates...

I just want to apologize
to all of you,

and most importantly,

to Mr. Bradford and his family

for dressing his father up
in ladies' clothes.

And I know it was very wrong
and disrespectful,

and I'm just really, really
sorry.

BRADFORD: Thank you,
Miss Brooks.

Now I'd like to say a few words
about my father.

Although he wasn't
a good-looking man,

my father had a great vision
when he founded

this school,
Pacific Coast Academy.

- This is it.

- Here we go.

Do it.

[beep]

- ...And the importance

of trousers that fit properly.

[kids laughing]

What in the world?

Who did this?
Uhh!

I demand to know
who's responsible!

Who did this?

- I did.

- You? Well, let me tell you
something, mister--

- Wait! I helped him.

- What?
- Me too.

- Yeah, in fact, all of us guys
did it together.

Come on, raise your hand

if you had anything to do
with this.

- Well, it wasn't
just the guys.

- Yeah, it was us too!

- Yeah, all of us.
- Yeah!

- Rivers!

- Well, what do you want me
to do, sir?

Expel them all?

- He's right.
If you expel Zoey,

you have to expel all of us.

ALL: Yeah!
- Exactly.

- All right! Just stop
my daddy from peeing

and no one gets expelled!

[all cheer]

[beep]

Rivers,
I think I'm having a spell.

Drive me to the clinic.

- Yes, sir.

[all cheer]

- Chase, you're the best!

- Thanks.
But actually, it, um--

it wasn't my idea.

- Michael?

- Not me.

- Then who?

Logan, why would you want
to help me stay at PCA?

- Uh, if you weren't here,

who else would I pick on?

- I've done it.
I've done it!

I've done it!
I've perfected

the sonic neural neutralizer!

It's time for revenge
against the boys.

- Quinn, will you stop?

- It's over.

- Over?

- Yeah, the guys helped us.
I can stay at PCA!

- Yeah, we don't need
your neural neutralizer thingy.

- Which wouldn't have worked
anyways.

- Yeah.
- Fine.

Make me do all this work
for nothing.

- That girl is just
a little bit nuts.

- Yeah, she is.

[all laughing and murmuring]

BOY: Totally.

[beeping rapidly]

[whoosh]

♪ Just gotta let it loose ♪

♪ Don't walk away ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I will make you see ♪

♪ All of the things ♪

♪ That you can be ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

[ding]

MAN: Mmm.

BRADFORD: Get those panties
off my father.