02x08 - Robot Wars

[bunniefuu]

WOMAN: Are you ready?

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ I know you see me
standing here ♪

♪ Do I look good,
my dear? ♪

♪ Do I look good today? ♪

♪ Today, today ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ I'm just another
kind of girl ♪

♪ And you want
to see my world ♪

♪ So come and run away ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ If you wanna play ♪

♪ Come and play today ♪

♪ Let's just get away, yeah ♪

♪ I will make you see ♪

♪ All of the things ♪

♪ That you can be ♪

♪ Believe in yourself ♪

♪ Come follow me ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

[upbeat music]

MEN: ♪ Ahh, ahh
ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh ♪

♪ Ahh, ahh, ahh,
ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh ♪

- Aw, man!

- What's wrong?

- I forgot to get
a big cookie.

Can I have
half your big cookie?

- You can't just go back
and get one?

- No, no.
The line's way too long.

- I think you can live
without a big cookie.

- No, I'll die
without a big cookie.

- I'm gonna go get
a salad.

- Hey, why don't you go
mooch a big cookie

off one of those guys?

- I think I will.

- Go back 3 centimeters.

It'll increase our overall
crushing capacity by 17%.

- Yeah, but you're
completely forgetting

the power drain
aspect ratio.

- Hey, that's pretty cool.

What is that, a game?

- A game?

- He thinks it's a game.
[laughter]

- L-O-L.
[laughter]

- Totally.

- This happens to be
a schematic representation

of our newest w*r bot.

- What's a w*r bot?

- [laughs]
Man.

Is there
anything you do know?

- I know I want
your big cookie.

- w*r bots are
remote control robots

used in fighting
competitions.

- Which PCA has won for the last
three years in a row.

- Thanks to us.

[laughter]

- Cool.

So, what does
that thing over there do?

- These plans are
top secret.

- Okay, it's not like
I was gonna steal them.

- Steal them?

You couldn't understand them.

- R-O-F-L!
[laughter]

- Any more questions?

- Yeah. Why do you guys
have to be

so rude and obnoxious?

- Who's that?

- Oh, you see,
this is a girl.

Now I know that might
confuse you

since you've probably never
been this close to one.

- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah.
Your mom doesn't count.

- Oh.

- So you guys think
you're so smart

'cause you can build
a little robot?

- No!

- We think we're so smart...

'cause you can't.

- Boo-ya!
[laughter]

- Who says we can't?

- All right, let's just go
sit down now.

- No. My friends and I
could build a robot

that could crush
your robot.

[laughter]

- Wait.
Hold on, hold on.

Are you seriously saying
that you want to challenge us

to a bot battle?

- No, we're not.

- Yes, we are.

- O-M-G!

- Zoey.

- Fine.
It's O-N.

- One week from today,
our robot will fight your robot.

- In the PCA amphitheater
after school.

- 3:00.

- We'll be there.

- All official robot w*r rules
and guidelines will apply.

- Whatever.

- See ya.

- T-T-Y-L.

[laughter]

- Okay, what else do you think
our robot should have?

- I think it should
breathe fire.

- Fire-breathing.
Okay.

- And it should be able
to sh**t heat-seeking missiles.

- Heat-seeking missiles.

- Ooh!

We should rig it up
with a microphone and a speaker

so we can talk smack
to the other robot.

- Okay, speaker...

microphone...

smack.

- Hey, what are we gonna call
our bot?

- Let's call it
the Logan-ator.

- Okay, why are you here again?

- Well, someone's got to pay
for the bot.

- And since I'm paying,
we're calling it

"the Logan-ator."

- Fine.

Lola, let's see
the Logan-ator.

- Whoa!
- Man,

we are gonna destroy
those science club geeks

with that bot.

- Yeah,
just one little problem.

- What?

- None of us knows
how to build it.

- Hey, Quinn.

Whatcha doing there?

- I'm just making sure
my lunch is clean.

People don't always wash lettuce
as well as they should.

What's up?

- Well, I was wondering
if you'd wanna help us

with a little project.

- Well, what's the project?

- Well, see, we're building
this remote-control robot

that we're gonna use
to fight against--

- Oh, sorry,
I can't help you.

- But you just said
you would love to help.

- I really would like to help,
but I just don't believe

in using my gift of science
for v*olence.

- Oh, come on,
it's not really v*olence.

Think of it more like--

like two machines just gently
crushing each other...

to the death.

- Sorry.

I just wouldn't feel
right about it.

- Uh-oh. Don't tell me
you got Quinn

to help you build
your bot.

- Ho ho!
Now we're really scared!

[laughter]

- Neil.

Andrew.

Wayne.

- Ah, still mad, Quinn?

- Just 'cause we wouldn't
let you join the science club?

[laughter]

- Why wouldn't you guys
let her join?

- Girls and science
go together

like sodium hypochlorite
and ammonia!

[laughter]

- L-O-L!

- Oh, yeah?

We'll just see
who's L-O-L-ing when our bot

kicks your bot's
butt into the next millennium.

- So you're gonna help us?

- Oh, I'm helping you.

NEIL: Whatever.
You can't b*at us

no matter who helps you.
Come on, guys.

- T-T-Y-L.

- Bye-bye, Wayne.

- It's Firewire!

- Come on.
Come on.

- Wayne!

- Aah!
- [laughs]

[beeps]

- You sure you don't want us
to help you build the bot?

- Nah.
You'd just slow me down.

- I think we were
just insulted.

- It was subtle, but yes.

- There. I just finished
the on-board speaker

so you boys can do
your smack talk.

- Ooh!
I wanna try.

[microphone feedback]

[distorted voice] I am
a robotic k*lling machine.

Prepare to meet
your doom.

Do not be fooled
by my pathetic name,

the Logan-ator.

[laughter]

- [sarcastically]
Ha ha ha.

- That's pretty funny.

- You know, I don't think
our bot looks

intimidating enough.
- Yeah, it needs

a big ol' mohawk,
like this high.

That'll really kick up
the intimidation factor.

- Uh, according
to the inter-scholastic w*r bot

guidelines,
the height of a bot

cannot exceed 36 inches.

So if we add a huge Mohawk,
we could get disqualified.

- He's right.

- Okay, I'll be back.

- Where you going?

- To get another
gangsley sprocket.

- [chuckles]

- Oh, wow.

- Hmm.

- Man, we are lucky
we have Quinn.

- We so couldn't have built
this thing without her.

- Yeah, it's good
we got our own geek.

- Logan.

- Dork?

- Dude, not nice.

- [distorted voice]
I am Quinn.

I must go get a sprocket
from my home planet Dorkon.

I am Quinn from Dorkon.
[laughter]

- So, you guys think
I'm a dork?

- Quinn, we were just--

- Making fun of me?

- Look, Logan was just--

- I heard what he was doing,

and I heard you all laughing.

Look, if you all think
I'm such a dork,

you can just finish
your stupid robot on your own.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[door slams]

- [distorted voice]
Uh-oh.

[microphone feedback]

[knocks on door]

- Quinn?

Quinn, I know
you're in there.

Please open the door.

We're sorry.

QUINN: Go away!

- Come on, that was just Logan
being a jerk.

It's what he does.

- I expect to be made fun of
by Logan,

but what I didn't expect was
for everyone to laugh...

especially you.

I thought you were my friend.

- I am.
Sometimes friends make mistakes.

- Clearly.

- Quinn, will you please

come down to the lounge with me?

QUINN: You don't want me,
you just want my brain

to finish
your precious w*r bot.

[buzzing]

- Oww!

Quinn, did you
electrify this doorknob?

QUINN: If you're not sure,
why don't you

try touching it again?

- No, thanks.
I'm good.

- I feel so bad
about Quinn.

- We just got to apologize,
like, a thousand more times,

and she'll be okay
in a week or two.

- Guess we can forget about
b*ating those science geeks.

- Yeah, I'll just have to
tell them we're forfeiting.

CHASE: Hey, guys!

You better come see this.

- See what?

- Just hurry!

JEREMIAH: And I've just learned
that the PCA science club,

whose battling robot
usually competes

against other schools,
will be fighting the robot

of fellow PCA student,
Zoey Brooks.

Is that true, Neil?

- Yeah, it is, Jeremiah.

Zoey and her friends
said that they could

build a bot that would
b*at our bot.

- L-O-L.
Ha!

- So this Friday,
we'll just see.

- Great.
So is this your bot?

- Yup. Sure is.
It's not done yet,

but it will be soon,
and it'll crush

any bot that dares
to att*ck it.

- Yeah,
and to demonstrate,

we've got this doll
that happens to look

a lot like Zoey.

[machine whirring]

- Yeah, boo-yah! Run it over!
[laughter]

- L-O-L.

[all cheering]

L-O-L.

[laughter]

Firewire!

Yeah!
L-O-L.

- That's what we're gonna do
to Zoey's bot

this Friday, 3 p.m.

- Be there!
- Yeah, says Firewire.

- [whispering] Quit that!

- For PCA news,
I'm Jeremiah Trottman.

[machine whirring]
[laughter]

[all chattering]

- Oh, my God.

- Well, that's it.
We can't quit now.

- We have to.

Other than those science geeks,

Quinn's the only one that can
finish building our bot.

- No, she's not.

I think we need

to pay a little visit
to Miles Brody.

- Who's Miles Brody?

- The number one smartest guy
at PCA ever.

- Well,
where do we find him?

- That's easy.

- Hello.

- Hey, Miles.
Um, listen,

sorry to bug you, but--

- Please, allow me to finish
my book before we speak.

My book is done.

- So, um, my name's--

- Your name is Zoey Brooks.

- Yeah.
How did you know--

- Your dormitory is
Brenner Hall.

You were born
in the South,

specifically,
a small town in Louisiana

who's name I know,
but it's not significant

so I'll keep it to myself.

You enjoy athletics,
e.g. basketball,

and you maintain
a 3.85 grade point average.

Impressive to most.

- I told ya.
He knows everything.

- Is this about your bot fight?

I assume I'm correct.
Am I?

- What, are you,
like, psychic or something?

- Sadly, there is
no such ability.

Though you're cute
to assume such.

- So, how'd you know
about the bot w*r?

- This entire school
has been made aware

of your looming robot battle,
and the involvement

of one Miss Zoey Brooks.
- Yeah, but--

- Then a girl approaches me
with a key 'round her neck

bearing the letter "z,"
a Z as in Zoey,

and since I'm familiar
with the abilities

of PCA's fine science club,
and since you are amateurs,

I imagine at this point
you're growing nervous

of your impending battle,
so you've come to me

for advice and/or assistance,
am I correct?

- Um...

I just want you
to help us.

Will ya?

- Yes. I will.

- Really?!

- On one condition.

- Sure, what?
Just tell me.

- Make them go away first.

- Okay,
what's your condition?

- I'll help you
with your robot,

but in return,

I would like a date.

- Oh. Well,
I'm flattered and all, but--

- Not with you.

With your delightful friend,

the perky brunette
in the fuchsia blouse.

- I can't promise you
a date with Nicole.

- How unfortunate.

- Look, can't we just...

buy you
a big dictionary or something?

- You know what I want.

And I will not settle for less.

You want my help
with your bot?

Then guarantee me
a date with your friend.

- Okay.

If you help us with our bot,

I promise you
a date with Nicole.

- Fabulous.

- Well?

- Your bot is completed
according to

your directions
and specifications.

[cheers]

- Awesome!

- Yes. Yay.

Now, who will be your operator?

- Ummm...
I guess me.

- Then please pay attention.

Left, right, forward, reverse,

flip, thrust, twirl, strike.

That is all.

- Come on, guys,
the fight starts in 15 minutes.

- All right,
let's go kick some bot!

[cheers]

- Zoey...

don't forget
about our arrangement,

my date with your friend
Nicole.

Tomorrow night.

- I won't.

You just...
be ready.

- I shall bathe like I've never
bathed before.

- Lucky Nicole.

- Hey, here they come!

[cheers]

ALL: Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

[chanting continues]

- That's their bot?

- [chuckles] Lame.

- R-O-F-L!
[laughter]

[crowd cheers and chant "fight"]

- You sure you wanna fight?

- 'Cause you can walk away
right now

with your pretty little bot.

- Before we crush it
to death.

- C'mon! Let's fight!
- Yeah!

CROWD: Fight fight fight
fight fight fight...

- Hold it! Hold it!

Stop the fight!

- Teacher!

- It's the dean of science.

- This is bad.
- No, this is awesome!

He'll stop the fight
and we won't have to lose

in front of the whole school!

- Ah, thank goodness
the fight hasn't started yet.

- So, I guess you're
shutting us down.

- Are you kidding?

I've been
waiting all week for this.

Fight! Fight!

CROWD: Fight fight
fight fight fight fight...

- C'mon!
- k*ll 'em!

- k*ll 'em! Crush 'em!
- Crush 'em!

- Go get 'em, Zo.

- I'll try.

[crowd cheering]

[crowd cheering]

- Yeah!
[laughter]

[all cheering]

- [groans]

- C'mon.

- Hit him back!

- Do you not see me
pressing buttons here?

- C'mon, dude.
Quit messing around.

Finish him off!

- No problem.
Check this out!

- Uh-oh...

- Do it, Neil.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[crowd cheering]

- Yeah!
[all groan]

- Fight back!

- I can't.
It's dead.

- It looks like we have
a winner!

- Boo-yah.

[crowd boos]

- We lost.

- Well, how could we win
when they have

that huge hammer thing?

- Hey!

Remember what you said
about the mohawk?

- What'd I say?
- The rules!

A bot can't be
over 36 inches tall!

- Well?

- With the hammer up,
it's 39 inches,

which is over the limit.

[crowd cheers]

- Nice going, Firewire!

- So does this mean we win?

- No, but the rules state
that you can have a rematch.

And they can't use the hammer
this time.

- We can win
without the hammer.

- So, you losers want
a rematch or what?

- Guys?

- Too much damage.

WAYNE: Ha ha!
Too much damage.

- This thing can't fight.

[laughter]

- Mine can.

- Quinn, don't tell me
you built a bot.

- That's right.

ANDREW: O-M-G!

- See? That is exactly why
girls don't belong

in the science club!

- You wanna talk or fight?

- Let's fight!

- Let's go!
Yeah!

[all talking at once]

CROWD: Fight fight
fight fight fight fight...

- Fight her, Quinn,
fight her.

[crowd cheering]

[laughter]

[boom]

[crowd screams]

[crowd gasps]

- Oh, my God!

- O-M-G.

- Thanks for playing.

- All right!

[crowd cheers]

- Quinn!
- That was unbelievable!

- Yeah, you're the best!

- We totally owe you!

- I only did it because
I couldn't stand

to see those jerks win.

Nobody owes me anything.

- But, Quinn--

- Hey, wait up.

- Come on.
- How'd she do that?

[knock on door]

- Go away.

[knock knock]

I said go--

[beeps]

Okay.

What's going on?

- [distorted voice]
We're sorry, Quinn.

Will you please forgive us?

Plea-ease?

- Please?

- Well, only because
I love tulips.

[laughter]

Thanks.

So, you guys fixed
the Logan-ator.

- Yeah.

Listen.

We're really sorry.

- All of you?

- Yes.

- Good.

Hey, where's Nicole?

- Um...

she has a date tonight.

- Who with?

- ♪ Well ♪

♪ Tell me so I know
that you're the one for me ♪

♪ A truer love could never be ♪

- You look ravishing
in florescent lighting.

Do you know that, Nicole?

- Okay.

- Crudités?

- Sure.

- Oh, drat.

I forgot the dip.

A moment.

- Zoey, you are so dead.

- ♪ Fly awa-a-ay ♪

That's right.

WOMAN:
♪ Yeah, yeah, you ♪

♪ Just gotta let it loose ♪

♪ Don't walk away ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I will make you see ♪

♪ All of the things ♪

♪ That you can be ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

[ding]

MAN: Mmm.

MILES: Yes, yay.

[buzzing]