03x04 - Zoey's Tutor

[bunniefuu]

WOMAN: Are you ready?

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ I know you see me
standing here ♪

♪ Do I look good,
my dear? ♪

♪ Do I look good today? ♪

♪ Today, today ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ I'm just another
kind of girl ♪

♪ And you want
to see my world ♪

♪ So come and run away ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ If you wanna play ♪

♪ Come and play today ♪

♪ Let's just get away, yeah ♪

♪ I will make you see ♪

♪ All of the things ♪

♪ That you can be ♪

♪ Believe in yourself ♪

♪ Come follow me ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ ♪

- I think
a carbon-to-carbon double bond

is shorter and stronger
than a single carbon--

Okay, I'm confused.

- Wait, isn't a double bond
an atom with a single bond

and one pi bond?

- I'd like to eat one pie.

- Can I say something?
- Mm, sure.

- I hate chemistry!
Hate it!

I just wanted
to make that clear.

[sighs]

- Why don't you have
a French fry?

It'll calm you right down.

- I'm already full, and
what happened to all your talk

about eating
healthier foods?

- What? The French fry,
made from the potato,

a vegetable, dipped in ketchup
made from the tomato,

also a vegetable.

So, basically, this is
like a handheld salad.

[laughs]

- What?
- [laughs]

You chew funny.

- Good-bye.

- Good funny!

♪ ♪

- Where is my black sweater?

- I don't know.

- [groans]

Where is it?

Ooh, here it is.

- [squeaking]

- [screaming]

- What, what, what, what?

- There's a rat
underneath the bed!

- Really?

- Where's the hand sanitizer?

Where is the hand sanitizer?

- It's right over there!

- [screaming]

[groans]

Call the police!
- Lola.

- Call the sheriff's department!

- It's my rat!

- What?
- It's mine.

I was doing an experiment to see
if rats could learn to dance,

but he escaped,
like, six weeks ago,

and I thought he was
gone forever.

It's my rat.

- What's the matter with you?
- Nothing!

Is experimenting with
rodent choreography so weird?

- Absolutely!

- Look, just calm down, relax,

and I'll catch the rat.

♪ ♪

- ♪ She always told me so ♪

♪ So I don't want to know ♪

- What are you doing?

- He's not gonna dance alone.

♪ ♪

- ♪ She's so free ♪

♪ She's outta the past ♪

♪ ♪

- Happily, some of you did
very well on your tests.

Sadly, many of you did not.

Next time, let's try to have
more "happilies"

and fewer "sadlies."

Your test, Martin.

Logan.

- [whispering]
What'd you get?

- Who cares?
- Ooh, that bad?

- You don't need to be good
at chemistry

when you're gonna be a famous
athlete and/or male model.

- What if you're good at both?
I mean--

Well, that was just a crime
against aviation.

- Good joke.

Bad grade.

- [sighs]
And now I'm sad.

- Whoa.

- Zoey.

- [scoffs]
Aw, man.

- Those of you who did poorly
are going to have to study

a lot harder,

unless you'd like to be back
in this class again next year.

[bell rings]

Dismissed.

- Ms. Bromwell?

- What is it, Zoey?

- I've never gotten a grade
below a B at PCA.

- Well, now you have.

- Yeah. I know.
So I was hoping maybe I could

do some extra credit work,
you know,

to bring up my average?

- I don't believe
in extra credit,

but I can talk
to some of my better students

and see if any are interested
in tutoring you.

- Um, yeah, that'd be great.

Thanks.

- Oh, Zoey.
You're good friends with Chase.

- Mm-hmm.

- Is his hair
naturally that way,

or is it a perm?

- Um, no,
I think it's natural.

- Fascinating.

♪ ♪

- I can't believe
you're gonna get a tutor.

- Might not be so bad.
Maybe it'll be a cute guy.

- Yeah, 'cause chemistry geeks
are so cute.

- Hey, I resent that.

Not all people who excel
in science are geeks.

Thank you.

- She meant
boy chemistry geeks.

- Yeah, girl chemistry geeks
are the coolest.

- Your sarcasm is noted.

- Just finish building
that trap,

'cause if I see that rat
in this room,

I'm moving to Wisconsin.

- Yeah, you better k*ll
that furry little beast.

- I would never k*ll
a living creature!

Anyway, there's no need to.

The rat will be lured to this
wedge of Jarlsberg cheese.

Then this strobe light will
blink rapidly, disorienting him.

Then a plasma bolt will fire
from this chamber,

stunning him long enough
for me to grab him

and put him
safely back in his cage.

So now...

We wait.

- Hey, why don't you just get
Quinn to tutor you?

- Yeah, we tried that once.

- It's so simple!
- It's not simple!

- Just repeat after me!

Spectroscopy...
- Spectroscopy...

- Is the use of the absorption,
emission, or scattering...

- Is the use of absorption,
emission, or scattering...

- Of electromagnetic radiation
by atoms or molecules

to qualitatively
or quantitatively study

the atoms or molecules!

- No human can say that!

- I could say it
in kindergarten!

Say it!
- I can't say it!

- Say it!
- I can't!

- Aah!
- Aah!

- You could've said it.
- No, I couldn't.

- [scoffs]

- Shh!
Look, look.

- There he is.

- [whispering]
He's going for the cheese.

- Shh.

- Okay.

Now the strobe light
should kick on,

disorienting him.

- It's working.

- Now he'll be stunned
by the plasma bolt.

It missed.

- Really?

- Zoey,
do you have a moment?

- Hi.

- I found you
a chemistry tutor.

He's one of my best students.

- Cool. Who is he?

- Well, he's--

That's peculiar.

He was right over there.

[chuckles]
There he is.

- ♪ When I finally met you ♪

♪ ♪

- Here's Zoey.
- Logan?

- Like I'm thrilled
about this.

- Logan doesn't know anything
about chemistry!

He doesn't know anything
about anything!

- Logan happens to be
one of my top students.

He got a 100
on the last test.

- Do you have to say it
that loud?

- He can't be
one of your best students.

I mean--no offense--
but he's an idiot!

- All right, that's it.

I didn't want
to tutor you anyway.

- [sighs]
That wasn't wise.

You need him.

- He's really one of your
best chemistry students?

- Consistently.

- Ms. Bromwell.

Hey, Zoey.

- [scoffs]
That hair cannot be natural.

- Logan!

Logan!

Logan!

[scoffs]

Wait a second!

- What, you weren't done
insulting me?

- I'm sorry, okay?

It's just you're, like,
a straight-C and D student.

- Except for chemistry.

- Well, how are you
so good at it?

- 'Cause my grandfather was
a chemistry professor

at Caltech.

I had to spend every summer
with him when I was a kid.

- And he taught you?

- Against my will,
and now I'm cursed

with being knowledgeable.

It's so gross.

- Well, will you tutor me?

- If I do, you swear
you'll never tell anyone?

- Why would I tell anyone?

Being tutored by you
is humiliating.

- Good.
We both promise.

No one finds out
about this.

- Let's shake on it.

- Or we can kiss on it.

We'll shake.

♪ ♪

- Okay. A reaction that absorbs
energy in the form of heat

is...?

- Endothermic.

- Good.

And a reaction
that releases energy

in the form of heat is...?

- Exothermic.
- Correct.

And how do you measure
the enthalpy change?

- Um, it's the energy used
from bond-breaking reactions

minus the energy released
in bond-making products.

- Measured in...?

- Kilojoules.
- Not bad, Brooks.

- You really know
chemistry.

- You promised
not to tell anyone.

- As long as you promise not to
tell anyone you're tutoring me.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- All right, let's talk
about isotopes.

- Wait, it's almost 9:00.

What if Chase and Michael
come back?

- Nah, they'll be sh**ting hoops
in the gym

until at least 10:00.

Okay, isotopes.

- I have to say it.

I'm a little embarrassed
for you.

- This is
a sports-related injury!

That makes me cool.

- Dude, tripping
over a basketball

on the way to the bathroom
is not cool.

- Oh, hey, Quinn and Lola.

- Oh, yeah.

- What up, females?
- Oh, hey.

- What've you guys
been doing?

- I've been watching Quinn
research rat brains

for the past three hours.

- Yeah, you'll change your tone
when I trap that rat

and lock him away
forever.

- What rat?

- What happened to your foot?

- Ah, sports-related injury,
you know.

- He tripped over a basketball
on his way to pee.

[both laughing]

- Why don't you broadcast it
on the PCA News, huh?

Hey, hey,
where's Jeremiah Trottman?

Chase has a breaking story
for him!

- Easy, pal.
[scoffs]

Hey, was Zoey with you guys?

- No, she went to a movie.

- No, she told me she was
taking a yoga class.

- Who cares? I've got to go
prove to my rat

that no rodent can outsmart
Quinn Pensky.

You ready for me, rat?

Are you ready
for a piece of Quinn?

- Okay, that's all the chemistry
I can handle for one night.

- Me too.

Oh, oh, be careful.

- Whoa.

- Uh, hi.

- Hey.
- Hello.

- What are you guys doing?

- Nothing. Talking.

Nothing.
- What are you guys doing?

I thought you were
sh**ting hoops till 10:00.

- Oh, he was on his way
to pee and--

- Be quiet!

I thought you were taking
a yoga class.

- And Lola said you were
seeing a movie.

- Yeah, it was a movie
about yoga

which I came to tell
you guys about,

and now that you know,
good night.

- We got to see that yoga movie.

- All right, I assume

we all know
why I've called you here.

- Yes, to waste my valuable time
while a rogue rat

runs hither and yon
through my dorm room

mocking my intelligence.

- No, we're not here to discuss
your "rodential" problem.

We're here to talk about what's
going on between Zoey and Logan.

They've been sneaking around,
telling us lies.

I want to know what's up.

- Why do you care?

- Because I'm a caring person.

See?

- Look, obviously, Zoey
and Logan are secretly dating.

May I please go catch
my rat now?

- Yes, go.
- No!

No one's going places

till we figure out
what's going on.

Now, let's consider
the possibilities.

- I think they're dating.
- Dating.

- The other possibilities!

- I thought Chase was
over Zoey.

- So did I.

- I--What do you mean?

I never had
a two-year crush on Zoey.

[chuckles]
Right, Michael?

- Yes, there was no crush,
you silly people.

- Then why do you care
if Zoey and Logan are dating?

- She's not dating Logan, okay?

I've known Zoey since
the first day she came to PCA,

and I know she'd never date
a jerk like Logan!

- He's one
of your best friends.

- Which is how I know
he's a jerk.

- Okay, then if Zoey and Logan
are sneaking around,

spending all this time
together,

you tell me what
the other explanations are.

- Well, they could...

you know,
they could be, uh--

I mean, for all we know, uh--

I'm gonna go find out.

- I'm gonna go
cleanse my pores.

- I have a creature
to capture.

- Am I the only normal person
at this school?

[playing light music]

♪ ♪

- I want to know
what's going on.

- I'm just taking
pictures of myself,

like I always do.

See?

- I meant I want to know
what's going on

between you and Zoey.

- Why?
What do you know?

- That you guys
have been sneaking around,

spending a whole lot
of time together.

Why?

- Why?
- Yes, why?

It comes
right in between X and Z.

- Well, the, uh...

[mumbling]

The truth is, uh...

Zoey and I are...dating.

- Liar!
- It's true!

- Zoey would never date you.
You're--you're you.

- Fine, don't believe it.

- All right.

I'll go ask Zoey.

- No! She's not gonna
tell you the truth.

- Why not?

- 'Cause she knew
you wouldn't like it.

Ha!
You know that makes sense.

- I still don't believe it.

- Well, you should.

- Prove it.

- Okay, I will.

♪ ♪

- [coughs]
Okay, what is--

- Stand back!

Put this on!

- What are you doing now,
Quinn?

- Well, I invented
a special nerve gas

that should target
a rat's central nervous system.

- [groans]

- Should put it to sleep
for about a half hour,

which will render it
catchable.

- You know, most girls'
biggest problem

with their roommate is
they borrow their clothes

without asking.

I've got one
who loses rats,

sh**t me in the head
with plasma bolts,

and fills my room
with homemade nerve gas.

- Thanks.

- Which apparently
doesn't work too well.

- [scoffs]
Why isn't he unconscious?

- I'm gonna go get
some coffee.

- Don't you feel lightheaded?

Drowsy?

Oh!

You are smarter than I am.

I can't even make
a mild nerve gas that works.

I should just give up science
and get a job at Super Wall.

♪ ♪

[scooter horn honks]

- Okay...

now what?

- Get in that bush.

- No.

- Get in the bush.
- I don't want to be in a bush.

- I told you, Zoey's never
gonna admit to you

that we're dating.
- Yeah, 'cause you're not.

- I will prove it to you if--

Here she comes.

Bush!

- All right!

I don't like being in bushes.

- Hey.

- Oh, hey.
What are you doing here?

- Uh, weren't we
supposed to meet here at 4:00?

- Yes. Hey.
- Hey.

- So where should we go
today?

- I don't know.
Library? Your room?

- Yeah, you know,
wherever we can be alone.

- Right.

- Um, you know,

I think this is working out
pretty good

between me and you,
don't you think?

- Sure.
I mean, it's kind of weird.

But it's working for me.

- Yeah, listen,
I got to tell you something.

I, uh...

I told Chase
what's going on between us.

- What? I thought we decided
no one should know.

- He's my friend. I thought
he deserved to hear the truth.

You mad?
- I guess not.

I mean, I hate that I've been
lying to Lola and Quinn.

- Exactly. We shouldn't have to
keep secrets from our friends.

- Yeah, I know,
it's just chemistry.

- Yes, chemistry, you know,
which we have together.

- All right!

I've heard enough!
- Chase?

- Chase, what were you doing
in that bush?

- Hearing everything.

- Look, I wanted to tell you,
but I was embarrassed.

- You should be embarrassed.
I mean, Logan?

- I know, but he's
taught me so much.

- Oh, God!

- It's true. I mean, he really
knows his stuff.

- Oh!

Oh!

Ugh!

Oh, God.

- Wow, he's really upset
you're tutoring me.

- Yeah.

Yeah, tutoring.

[scooter horn honks]

WOMAN:
♪ 17 days on the road ♪

♪ A lot of things
will cross your mind ♪

♪ ♪

- Oh, don't feel so bad.

- How can I not?

I've been intellectually bested
by an animal

with a brain
the size of a raisin.

He won.

I lost.

- I don't even think the rat
knew he was in a competition.

- Great.

He b*at me without even trying.

I'm gonna end up
in community college.

- Hey.

- Hey.
- Hi, Zo.

- Listen, I've been keeping
something from you guys.

Can we talk?

- Sure.
- Let's talk.

- See, for the last week
or so--

- [gasps] Look!
- [scoffs]

- Get him!

- Why should I even try?

He's brilliant.

I mean, even if I had
a super--

- There, rat captured.

Toss me that Blitz.

- Zoey, that was genius!

- Whatever.

- Hey.

- Hey, Chase.
- Hey.

- Listen, Zo,
sorry I freaked out on you...

back there near the bush.

- Yeah, what was that about?

- I just--

I guess it's just kind of hard
for me to understand

why you would want to date a guy
like Logan.

- Date him?
You think I'm dating Logan?

- Well, yeah.
- Yeah.

- Aren't you?

- No! Gross! Ew!
Why would you think that?

- 'Cause you guys
have been sneaking around.

- And lying about it.

- And Logan told me
you were.

[chuckles]

- I am not dating Logan!

He's tutoring me in chemistry.

- Chemistry?

[girls laughing]

- Oh, my God, Logan?

Logan, seriously?

- Oh, that's not true.

- Oh, it's true.

Logan is one of my best
chemistry students,

which is why I asked him
to tutor Zoey.

- See?

- Is that really your hair?

- Yes?

- I doubt it.

- See?

- Okay.
- We believe you.

- So why'd Logan lie?

- 'Cause he thought everyone
would rip on him

for being a chemistry geek.

- Oh, yeah,
we'll definitely do that.

- Yeah, that's for sure.
- We totally are, though.

- I can't believe he said
we were dating. Ugh!

- You should get him back
somehow.

- Yeah, you should.

♪ ♪

- Ready?
- Yep.

- So ready.

- Do it.

- Don't worry, little guy.

You'll be fine.

- [laughs]
Wow.

- You put it in his pants?

- Yep. Mm.
- [sighs]

- You know, I never
would have believed

Logan Reese knows chemistry.

- He does, big-time.

- And he's really good at it?

- Well, he's not, like,
your level,

but, yeah, knows his stuff.

- I wonder when he's gonna
notice the rat in his pants?

- Well, how long ago
did you guys--

LOGAN: Aah!
What's in my pants?

Aah! Aah!

Oh! Oh, God!

[laughter]

Help me!

- He ran like a girl.
- Yeah.

[Logan continues screaming]

- I think he noticed.

[laughter]

[Logan continues screaming]

WOMAN: ♪ Yeah, yeah, you ♪

♪ Just gotta let it loose ♪

♪ And do what
you choose to do ♪

♪ Don't walk away ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ If you wanna play ♪

♪ Come and play today ♪

♪ Let's just get away ♪

[ding]

MAN: Mmm.

CHASE: I don't like being
in bushes.