02x05 - The Headless Ghost

[bunniefuu]

[ Wind Whistling ]

[ Dog Barking ]

[ Man ]
Goosebumps.

Viewer beware.

You're in for a scare.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Seagulls Squawking ]

[ Boy ]
Are you here?

[ Whispering ]
Where are you?

If you're here, show yourself.

[ Thunder Rumbling ]

- Where are you?
- Andrew, why aren't you in bed?

[ Shivering ]
I was just going, Mama.

Mm-hmm.
That's a likely story.

You were looking for that
ghost again, weren't you?

No, I wasn't, Mama.
Honest.

I don't know why you
believe in those stories.

There is no ghost in this house.

Now go to bed.

I will, Mama.

I promise.
Good night, Mama.

Come out, you stupid old ghost.
I'm not afraid of you.

[ Cat Screeching ]

Oh. It's only you, kitty.

Who's there?

No!
[ Shouting ]

[ Man's Voice ] Now that you have
seen me, you cannot leave.

- Please!
- [ Hisses ]

And then what happened?
What did the ghost do?

The ghost pulled Andrew's head off
and hid it somewhere in the house.

And every night since then,

Andrew's ghost wanders
these halls searching...

- for his head.
- For his head.

It's just a story.
It's all part of the tour.

And now, if you would all follow me,
we will view the rest of the house.

And who knows?
Perhaps tonight, the headless boy--

- [ Gasps ]
- [ Screaming ]

Is she all right?
Come out of there!

Come out of there right now!

Got ya!
[ Laughing ]

One of these days,
you local kids will realize...

that the spirits who haunt this
house do not appreciate pranks.

Out with you now, and don't
come back until you're willing...

to show Hill House
the proper respect.

[ Laughing ]

That was excellent! Did you see
the look on that little girl's face?

We went too far that time.
She was really scared.

That's the point, Duane. The twin
terrors of Wheeler Falls strike again.

[ Thunder Rumbling ]

Maybe we're getting too old
for this twin terror stuff.

Are you nuts?
We're just getting good.

[ Gasps ]
I know.

Let's come back tomorrow night.

We can sneak away from the tour

and look for the head
of the headless ghost.

- I don't know.
- What?

All of a sudden,
you're afraid of ghosts?

You heard what Otto said.

- The-The ghosts don't appreciate--
- You believe that?

[ Sighs ]
I didn't say that. I just--

You what?

[ Smacks Lips ]
Well--

- Are you scared?
- No!

It'll be great. Tomorrow night,
Hill House will definitely be haunted...

by us.
[ Laughing Hysterically ]

The history of this house
is one of madness and despair.

'Twas over 150 years ago...

that a sea captain
built this house...

for his lady love.

When he came back
from a sea voyage,

he found his beloved
had left him for another man.

The poor captain d*ed
of a broken heart,

but his enraged spirit lived on,
taking revenge upon anyone...

who dared live in this house,

and upon anyone who mocked...

the ghosts within.

Well, I'm glad
to see our regulars...

have decided to behave
themselves tonight...

for their own sake.

Each of these portraits
represents some poor soul...

who tried to live in this house,

and then d*ed
a horrible and grisly death.

And now, if you will follow
me up to the guest room,

you will hear the bloody story
of a young lad named Andrew.

[ Scoffs ]

The ghost's long, icy fingers
stretched toward--

[ Whispering ]
Now's our chance. Come on!

- Come on.
- [ Boy ] What did the ghost do?

[ Otto ]
The ghost pulled the boy's head off.

Come on.
Let's go look for Andrew's head.

- [ Door Creaking ]
- Wow.

I think this place is off-limits.

Who cares?

This must've been
the sea captain's study.

[ Gasps ]
Let's get outta here.

Not until we find the head.

Hmm. Is it here?

Nah.

How about here?

Nope.

- Oh, no. Oh, no.
- What?

- The-- The head.
- Where?

Nowhere, you sucker! Are you gonna
fall for every dumb trick tonight?

[ Sighs ] Come on, Stephanie.
Don't do that.

Duane, this time,
I'm not kidding.

- What?
- Look.

Where? Is it the head?

[ Chuckling ]

Oh, man. I can't believe
I fell for that twice.

- [ Loud Thump ]
- What was that?

- Don't even try it.
- No. Shh. Listen.

- [ Footsteps Approaching ]
- Something's coming.

- What do we do?
- Quick, in the closet!

[ Thundering Footsteps ]

[ Both Gasp ]

You are no longer
welcome at Hill House.

And if you should ever come back,

I shall not be responsible
for what the spirits may do.

You have no respect!

- [ Stephanie ] Respect this, you old grouch!
- [ Duane ] Don't!

[ Growling ]

What did you do that for?

You know, Duane,
you're getting to be a real drag.

I'm a drag? You know, you never
know when to stop, do you, Stephanie?

- [ Thunder Rumbling ]
- Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Never mind.
Let's just get out of here.

- [ Gasps ]
- [ Gasps ]

Do you wanna see some real ghosts?

- Who are you?
- My name's Seth.

I'm Stephanie.

- And I'm D-D--
- And this is Duane.

I heard you guys talking last night.

If you wanna see the headless ghost,

you have to wait
for the house to close up...

and all the tourists to go home.

That's when the real stuff happens.

- And how do you know?
- I sneaked in... late one night.

Quick, over here.

- Please come again.
- That was great.

I know this way in
through the basement.

- Shall we sneak in tonight?
- Yes, let's do it.

Tonight?
Maybe tomorrow would be better.

Well, if D-D-Duane doesn't want to,
he doesn't have to.

It's not everybody who can
handle a real ghost hunt.

- I can handle it.
- I didn't say I couldn't handle it.

- So are we on for tonight?
- Heck yeah!

Duane?

Come on, Duane!

It'd be a real adventure.

- Okay.
- Yes!

Hill House awaits.

[ Thunderclap ]

[ Thunder Rumbling ]

Shh.

We don't wanna
wake the spirits... yet.

Come on.

[ Floorboards Creaking ]

I've never seen this part
of the house before.

[ Duane ]
It's not on the tour.

None of these rooms
are on the tour.

- Smooth move.
- Sorry.

- [ Wind Howling ]
- [ Thunder Rumbling ]

- What's this?
- It's called a dumbwaiter.

Goes all the way up to the attic.

It was used to bring
food up from the kitchen.

- [ Door Creaking ]
- You see, a long time ago,

there was a boy
who lived in this room.

- Andrew? The boy who lost his head?
- No.

A different boy.

A very spoiled boy
who loved to eat ice cream.

- [ Ringing ]
- Strawberry ice cream.

Ice cream. Ice cream.
He always wanted ice cream.

And he kept the kitchen maid
hopping with his demands.

Ice cream. He just couldn't
get enough ice cream.

[ Thunder Rumbling ]

Well, one day, the dumbwaiter
didn't come all the way up.

The boy reached...
and he reached... until finally,

he reached too far.

When the maid found him
at the bottom of the shaft,

[ Screams ]

it was hard to tell the difference...

between the boy's face...

and the strawberry ice cream.

- Gross.
- Some say that the boy fell.

Others says that he was pushed...
by a ghost.

That's just a story.

You said you were
gonna show us real ghosts.

- Do you think you're really ready?
- Yes.

Duane?

[ Thunderclap ]

You don't have to come.

[ Creaking ]

I'll come.

Then we have to go one flight up...

to the captain's secret room.

Come on, Duane.

What's this for?

Oh. They say
that the captain's ghost...

paints a portrait of his latest victim.

It's getting late.
Maybe we should be heading back.

I'm sorry.
Can't let you leave.

What are you talking about?

- Why-Why did you lock the door, Seth?
- I lied to you.

My name isn't Seth.
It's Andrew.

It's been Andrew
for over a hundred years.

But you can't be Andrew.

Andrew lost his head.

This isn't my head.
I borrowed it.

But I have to return it.

And so, I'll need a new head.

And guess what, Duane?

I'm gonna take yours.
I need your head, Duane.

- I need it too.
- It won't hurt.

Well, maybe just a little.

For only a second.
A quick twist.

- It'll come right off. Snap!
- [ Fingers Snap ]

- Just like a chicken leg.
- You're just joking, right?

Oh, it's no joke, Duane.

- I'm gonna pull your head off.
- Wait.

M-M-Maybe we could help you.

You know?
Find your old head.

Oh, it's no use.
For years and years,

I searched every room,
every hallway,

every closet.

Why my head?

Well, I would take hers,
but it'll look kind of funny.

My head's not that great either.
I mean, it gets allergies.

It's not that good at math.

Its-Its hair never does
what you want it to.

Nice try, Duane. But it's no use.
I'm gonna take your head.

That's all there is to it.

Just hold still.

Hey, the dumbwaiter!

What were you expecting,
a dish of ice cream?

Your head!
Now you don't have to take mine.

Hey, over here!

[ Grunting, Groaning ]

Ow! Oh!

Clumsy fool!
It's a head, not a bowling ball!

Easy! Easy!
[ Groaning ]

What are you looking at?

- Who, me?
- Don't play innocent with me, girlie girl,

or you'll find out that
my bite is worse than my bark!

Whoa.

Wait a minute!

If you're not Andrew,

then... who are you?

I will tell you who he is.

He is a no-good kid who works for me.

Or, at least, he used to. I have
warned you about these pranks.

I shall deal with you later.

How did you get inside?
The door's locked.

There are many ways to get
into a room in the Hill House.

But sometimes,
there is no way to get out.

Would you please leave us, Duane?

I would like to have
a few words with Stephanie.

Don't look so scared, Duane.

What's he gonna do, lecture me?

- [ Gasps ]
- Now, my cocky little friend--

What are you doing, Otto?

That's Captain Otto to you.

Welcome aboard.

Yes.
Welcome aboard, Stephanie.

I hope you like the story I told yo--

about how I d*ed.

You-- You're the ice cream boy?

That's him, all right. And you think
he ever gives me a bite? Never!

I warned you, Stephanie.
I warned you...

to show some respect for Hill House!

[ Shivering ]

[ Stephanie Screaming ]

I suppose when you become
a permanent member

of our little household you'll learn.

- You think she'll learn?
- [ Seth ] She'll learn.

[ Chuckles ]
She'll learn.

Please. I didn't mean it.

Just another little dab
around the mouth. [ Chuckles ]

Duane, help me!

- Come on! Are you okay?
- Yeah.

- [ Shouting ]
- Run!

[ Shouting Continues ]

It's just the fixer-upper
we've been looking for.

We understand they used
to give tours here.

We heard the place was haunted.

[ Chuckling ]
Haunted. Right. And I'm a ghost.

Don't worry. I'm sure
you'll be very happy here.

Very happy.

[ Growling ]