02x05 - Operation: O.O.M.P.-P.A.H./Operation: S.H.A.V.E.

[bunniefuu]

[ Jet engine roaring ]

[ Whistling ]

[ Robotic voice ] kids next door

C.h.o.p.s.h.o.p....

Crab-like headquarters

Obviously pack

Super hair-obliterating power.

[ Creaking ]

[ Floorboard creaks ]

[ Snoring ]

- [ Southern accent] - ho-o-wdy!

You fellas got to excuse

My lack of hospitality.

I must've dozed off

While reading this here

modern moustache magazine.

Uhh.

- [ Southern accent ] - ye-e-e-haw!

- Is that there - the latest issue?

- It's worse - than we thought!

- [ Southern accent ] - hey, there, partners!

- Y'all talking about - moustaches?!

This place is infested.

Quick, get these kids

Out of here!

Ugh!

Yah!

Lock and load, numbuh 1!

- Hey, what are you cowpokes - doing?!

And where are your mousta...

Ya-a-a-h! Oh!

Why, you side-winding

Son of a pole... Ow!

Whoa!

Whaaaaaaaaaaaa!

- Little shaver to hedge clipper, - you've got customers.

Roger that.

C.h.o.p.s.h.o.p. Is open

For business.

Yaaaaaaaaa!

Ow! Ew!

Hey! Ew!

Ew! Wow! Ew!

Ugh!

Ohh, man.

A customer!!

Don't worry, mr. Fuzzy.

This won't hurt a bit!

No-o-o-o-o!

You two-timing little heap

Of blue jay droppings!

Aaaaaaaaaaah!

No! He-e-e-lp!

Numbuh 1, we got ourselves

A clean one here.

Number 142,

Are you okay?

[ Weakly ] save... Yourselves.

Take it easy, pal.

Just tell us what happened.

It all started when number 149

Went to his mom's office.

He came back with a...

A hideous moustache!

- Suddenly, he stopped - going on missions

Or building

New 2x4 technology.

All he cared about

Was grooming that thing!

Before we could do anything

About it, number 161 got one.

Then number 143!

And now look at me!

Peach fuzz!

You got to help me!

I'm too young to look like

Some greasy uncle!

Ow!

Keep it together, man!

You've got to tell us where

Number 149 got the moustache!

T-there.

Uh, you mean that

Little red building

- Over there - on the right?

No, you idiot!

The one with the... Ugh!

[ Groaning ]

[ Screaming ]

Number 142!

[ Southern accent ]

I look go-o-od!

Go-o-sh darn it!

Nothing in the world

Like a bona fide moustache!

I'm gonna spend the who-o-le day

Combing it,

And gro-o-oming it, and... Ugh!

What in ta-a-rnation?!

You will be avenged,

Number 142.

You will be avenged!

[ Southern accent ]

Fine moustache

Say, that's a mighty

- You got there, - ned.

- [ Southern accent ] - well, thank you, ed.

- I was just admiring - the one on ted.

- [ Southern accent ] - we-e-ll, thank you, ned.

Well, your moustache

Is your best friend, ed.

- Hmm, so, - any grooming tips, ned?

Well, ed, it's like I was

Telling ted the other day,

You got to be good

To your moustache!

- You're darn tootin', - ned.

- Well, thank you - muchly, ed.

So how long you spend grooming

Your moustache there, ed?

- Well, ted, - I tells you...

'Scuse me, fellers!

Looks like y'all dropped

Your... Moustache?

Rrrrr!

What in tarnation?!

Shaving time, mate!

No, not my... Aaaaah!

- They got ted! - Let's get 'em!

Aha! Aha!

[ Both grunt ]

Shaving cream! Shaving cream!

Ohhhhh! Ohhhhh!

It's sudsy!

Huh?! Huh?!

No-o-o-o! No-o-o-o!

All right, smooth guy.

Where's the head moustache?

[ No accent ]

You... You got to help us!

He won't rest till the

Whole world has moustaches!

Where?!

Top floor!

But you'll never make it out

Of here without facial hair!

We'll see about that!

All right, team!

Let's go clip some lip!

[ Bell dings ]

Hmm? Hmm?

Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

[ Buzzing ]

Who-o-a! Who-o-a!

Ohh! Ohh!

Thank you. Thank you.

Ugh! Ugh!

Stay frosty, team.

[ Southern accent ]

Well, well, well!

I didn't think y'all'd

Get this far!

But now y'all are gonna have

To tangle with me!

Yee-haw!

Ew! Ew!

Ew! Ew!

Don't move,

Lady sasquatch!

We're here to shear!

Ohh, come on, now!

Let me take care of them

Funny-looking six-sh**t!

Now, what in tarnation do you

Kids have against moustachios?

Don't you want

To look more adult?

Don't you want

To be more confident?

Don't you want to look like...

A freak?

- If you adults - want to walk around

With that stupid fuzz

On your face, fine.

- But leave us kids - out of it.

You don't reckon

What you're up against.

When I get done,

There'll be a big, old moustache

On every face

In the whole world!

Everywhere...

Big wonderful mousta...

[ Grunting ]

[ Whimpering, panting ]

[ No accent ]

Please... H-help me!

Huh? Huh?

Huh? Huh?

You got to help!

[ Grunting ]

[ Southern accent ] quiet,

You two-timing polecat!

[ Grunting ]

- [ No accent ] please, - get this thing off my face!

[ Grunting ]

[ Southern accent ] pipe down,

You lily-livered coward!

[ Grunts ]

- [ No accent ] - help!

- [ Southern accent ] - shut up!

You're gonna have a moustache,

And you're gonna like it!

[ Grunting and groaning ]

Kids next door,

Let's split some hairs.

Aaaah!

Numbuh 1: hold your fire!

We've got ourselves

A mobile moustache.

[ Southern accent ]

You riding cowpokes!

Drop your sh**ting irons,

Y'all thought you could just

March in here and stop me!

Soon you'll see

The glory, the beauty,

The power of a moustache!

[ Laughs evilly ]

[ No accent ]

Why, you no good moustache!

You may be hair today, but

You'll be gone tomorrow!

What?

Aah! Aah!

Aah! Aah!

[ Shouting indistinctly ]

Yah! Got it!

All right, kids next door.

Polish him off!

Now, numbuh 4!

Ugh! Clear!

- How about a little - off the top?!

[ Southern accent ]

No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!

Huh?! Huh?!

Huh?! Huh?!

[ Crying ] please.

Have mercy!

We mean no harm.

All we seek is...

A... A home!

[ All crying ]

Y'all don't know

What it's like.

We used to be everywhere.

We was important

And highly regarded.

We shared the faces of

Presidents, athletes,

Scientists, celebrities,

And private detectives.

But now, [snorts] we're lucky

To even wind up on a [gasps]

Professional bowler!

[ Sobbing ]

[ No accent ]

Aww!

You poor kitty!

Oh, kitty! That's the saddest

Story I've ever heard!

Oh, come on, numbuh 3!

That "kitty" tried

Taking over your face!

She just needs

A place to be loved!

We got to help her!

Uhh, just for the record.

I'm a guy moustache.

I saw we shave that thing off

The face of the earth!

And better yet...

We're helping kitty!!

I-i vote for

Helping the kitty.

Hmm.

I think numbuh 5

Has an idea!

[ Jet engine roaring ]

[ Whistling ]

[ Squawking ]

[ Punches connecting ]

[ Southern accent ]

Go-o-ldang! I look go-o-o-od!

[ Alarm ringing ]

[ Beeping ]

[ Inhales deeply ]

Phew!

[ Alarm blaring ]

- [ Robotic voice ] - malfunction.

No. I can't go back.

He's waiting

For me-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e!

Right on time,

Nigel, old boy.

We don't want to miss

Any of the action, do we?

[ Sighing ] ohh.

Dad, I told you a million times.

I don't want to go fishing!

Nonsense! All fathers and sons

Go on fishing trips.

I read it in the "dads'

Of the newspaper.

Do's and don'ts" section

But I have important kids next

Door missions and stuff to do.

Quality time with your dad

Is today's mission, son.

[ Groans ]

[ Horns honking ]

Speed it up, grandma!

Move it, pal!

All this speedy driving

Sure is hard on the nerves.

I could use some good,

Old relaxing music.

[ Upbeat music plays ]

Oh, come on, dad!

You know I hate the tuba!

[ Tires screech ]

So do i, son.

So... Do... I.

But this sousaphone music

Sure is top crackers, eh?!

Ugh!

[ Upbeat music continues ]

They didn't say this would be

So hard in the fishing column.

Now, which end of this

Blasted rod goes in the water?

Eww! This bucket

Is full of worms!

What am I supposed

To do with them?

Yuck!

They're all squishy!

Hey!

Slow down!

That's no way

To catch a fish!

Well, this sure

Is great, eh, nigel?

Nigel?

[ Sarcastically ]

Yeah, dad. It's perfect!

[ Wheezes, laughs ]

You're such a kidder,

Ol' boy!

But it can't be perfect

Without music.

[ Upbeat music plays ]

Dad, no one wants to

Listen to this junk!

Good call, son.

People always prefer to hear

The sousaphone... Live!

[ Upbeat music plays ]

Huh? Hey!

Oh, I like that.

Ugh! Tell him to stop!

That's terrible!

I like that.

It's nice on the water, too.

Da-a-d!

[ Speaking indistinctly ]

Dad!

You're embarrassing me!

Please stop!

Dad!

Dad!

Da-a-a-a-d!!

Oh, i-i say, nigel.

I'm sorry.

Did you have a request?

A request?!

Yeah, I've got a request!

I'd like to request we get

Out of this stupid boat

With your stupid fishing junk

And your stupid tuba!

Actually, it's a sousa...

Who cares?!

- I want to hang out - with my friends.

They don't wake me up

At 5:00 in the morning

'Cause they read some stupid

Article in the stupid paper!!

Uh, I see.

I'm sorry, nigel.

I-i just wanted

To be your friend.

Oh. Um...

Well, I didn't mean it

Like that, dad.

- It's... It's just, - uh... Uh, uh.

That's okay.

I-i totally understand.

Oh, lookee!

The business section!

[ Reel winding ]

Da-a-a-d!

Dad?

[ Crying ] [ crying ]

Mr. Uno: oh. Suffering

Sousaphones.

Where... Where am i?

You're home!!

Dad!

Huh?

Did you just call me dad?

Yep!

You're perfect!

You're the biggest dad

I caught today!

And you've got

A sousaphone!

Uh, you actually like

The sousaphone?

Don't all kids?

None of the other dads

I caught can play.

I'll have

To throw 'em back!

Hey, dad!

How about a du-u-et?

"A du-u-et"?

W-why, yes!

That would be top crackers,

Ol' boy!

But... We are friends, dad.

[ Upbeat music plays ]

That music!

Dad? Is that you?

Hold on, dad.

I'm coming!

Ugh! I can't believe

I'm going to save an adult.

Ha ha ha!

That was gr-r-r-e-eat!

[ Chuckling ]

Yes! Smashing, ol' boy!

- So, what do you want - to do next?

Well, i-i better be

Getting back to my son.

- He's probably - worried sick.

[ Sighs ]

Then again,

Maybe he's not.

Come on, dad!

Just one more song!

This is such

Great quality time!

Well, yes, but you see,

I was hoping for some

Quality time with my real son.

Ohh! You'll play!

And you'll like it!!

[ Clears throat ]

Anyone here know how to play

"Give me back my dad

Before I have to kick your butt

Up and down this pier"

In "a" minor?

Actually, I'd rather play

This little number!

Whoa!

Son!

Da-a-a-d!

Unh-unh-unh!

One move, and it's your dad's

Final concerto!

What do you want?

I want your dad.

And I'm willing

To fight for him!

I accept your challenge.

Just name your fight!

A tuba battle?

Well, this is stupid!

Quit stalling, liver lungs!

'Cause I got me a dad to win!

After you, blister lips!

Fine!

[ Inhales deeply ]

[ Note plays ]

[ Inhales deeply ]

[ Off-key note plays ]

[ Tune plays ]

[ Gulps ]

[ Imitates tune played ]

[ Tune resumes ]

[ Imitates tune ]

Ehhh!

[ Tune resumes ]

[ Imitates tune ]

[ Fancier tune plays ]

[ Imitates fancier tune ]

[ Both play tune ]

[ Tempo quickens ]

[ Gasps ]

Hee hee hee hee!

[ Singsong voice ]

I win! Heh ha ha!

In your face!

Hee hee ha ha!

I'm sorry, dad.

That's okay, son.

You did your best.

And, according to the

"Dads' do's and don'ts"

Section of the paper...

That's all that matters.

[ Laughing and snorting ]

- Now you'll know - what it's like

To sit on that pier all day

Fishing for dads!

You'll know the waiting,

The hoping,

And disappointment

Of catching lousy fathers

And having

To throw them back!

[ Laughs hysterically ]

Hello! Willard?

Is it really you?

Uh... Yeah.

Oh, dad!

Da-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-d!

Oh, dad!

I thought I'd never

See you again!!

- [ Sighs ] for pete's sake, - willard.

I told you I'd be gone for



Huh?

Ugh! Just what we need

Around here... More tubas!

Sousaphones! Sousaphones!

Son, there's something i...

I want to tell you.

It's okay, dad.

You don't have to say anything.

No, no.

This has to be said right,

And it has to be said now.

Nigel...

I think you really need

Some sousaphone lessons!

- I mean, did you hear - yourself up there?!

Pee-yew!

Either your sharps were flat

- And your flats - were sharp and wobbly

- And your fingers - were like your positions

Were like a spider

In a windstorm!

Eight legs

Flying everywhere!

[ Gurgling ]



♪ Kids next door

♪ Kids next door

[ Electric guitar solo ]

♪ Kids next door

♪ Kids next door

♪ Kids next door

[ Electric guitar solo ]

♪ Kids next door

♪ Kids next door