02x23 - Dear Diary

[bunniefuu]

This is me, eliza thornberry

Part of your average family.

I got a dad, a mom, and a sister.

There is donnie-- we found him.

And darwin? He found us.

(Jabbering )

Oh, yeah, about our house-- it moves

'Cause we travel all over the world.

You see, my dad hosts this nature show

And my mom sh**t it.

Okay, so we're not that average.

(Panting )

And between you and me

Something amazing happened...

And now I can talk to animals.

It's really cool

But totally secret.

And you know what?

Life's never been the same.

(Tires squealing )

Okay, do you remember the rules?

I'm not playing.

The last time we played this game

You took all my wooden thingies, and I never got to be the king.

You don't get to be a king;

You get kinged.

And I can only take the pieces I jump.

Like this, see?

Perfectly.

Good-bye.

(Groans )

Hey, deb, how about a game?

Hmm, let me think about it.

No!

Come on, you can write in your diary later.

Mom, donnie must have ripped the screens again

Because there's an annoying pest in here!

Marianne: okay, debbie, thanks.

(Snickers )

Dad, play checkers?

Oh, I'd love to, poppet

But my navigational skills might be required.

I'll take a "rain forest check."

(Chuckling )

You girls haven't finished

The breakfast dishes yet, have you?

(Groans )

Nice going.

If you would have just played with me

I wouldn't have had to ask dad.

Uh-uh, it's your turn to dry.

Uh-uh, it's your turn.

Time for gazelle, fruit and lion.

Both: one, two, three.

You lose.

Gazelle eats fruit.

I knew that.

I hate that stupid game.

Pardone, caballero

¿Sabe como llegar a la sima del diablo?

Nigel, that's really not necessary.

I know exactly where el diablo peak is.

Atras, dos kiolometros.

Muchas gracias.

(Chuckles )

Adios.

(Babbling )

We were completely off course.

Good thing we asked, eh, love?

I suppose, just this once, but from here on out, we'll rely

On the marianne thornberry innate sense of direction.

(Debbie and eliza laughing )

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

Who am I now?

"Oh! Is that soapsuds I detect here?

"You must rinse the plate three times, hold it to the light

And rinse once more."

Grandma sophie.

"Don't forget to dry until it squeaks."

Both: I don't hear anything.

(Laughing )

Marianne: girls, we're here!

(Mumbling )

(Chuckles )

Isn't it super?

It's really just like christmas.

(Beeps horn )

Ooh! Love that horn.

With our smashing new minicomm

We can climb the steep hills lickety-split

And make up for all that lost time.

(Humming )

(Donnie jabbering )

(Grunts then sighs )

(Donnie babbling )

Okay, girls, we're off to film the alpacas.

And since you two have been so good

About working together with your chores

I'll let you decide

Which one of you has to watch donnie.

(Jabbering )

Bye, girls.

Jolly bye, poodles.

Take care of each other.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

Bye, mom. Bye, dad.

It's your turn to watch donnie.

No way, andre, it's your turn.

Oh, brother, here we go again.

Both: one, two, three.

Oh, I meant to do lion, really.

(Chuckles )

Love that game.

Can we make it two out of three?

No way.

(Sighs )

Hmm.

(Jabbering )

Oh!

(Sniffs then groans )

(Babbling )

Donnie, no!

That's debbie's diary.

What's a diary?

It's a book debbie writes

Her most secret and private thoughts in.

What does this say?

No, darwin.

I would never read someone else's diary, ever.

I just have to put this back

Before debbie finds out donnie had it.

Hey, there's my name.

Ooh!

What's it say?

"August --

"We're stuck in the middle of sambas, borneo

"But, as usual, eliza thinks it's so cool.

"What a geek!

"She tried to drag me to some dumb tree-planting ceremony...

"As if!

"She's not a sister.

She's an embarrassment."

(Sighs )

(Debbie humming )

What's going on?

What are you hiding?

Nothing.

(Grunting )

Let me see!

(Yells )

My diary!

This is not what it looks like.

I can't believe you!

Can't a person get any privacy around here?

What kind of sister are you?

I didn't read your precious diary.

I was putting it back together after donnie wrecked it.

(Yelps then babbles )

(Groans )

Can you believe what she wrote?

I embarrass her?

What's wrong with me?

Nothing. I think you're nice.

Debbie: you forgot this!

(Shrieks )

Isn't it about time

You took a stupid hike with your hairy friends?

Don't worry.

I'm out of here!

Good. Don't hurry.

We won't.

(Babbling )

Nigel: dearest, I have a feeling

We've missed a turn

Or we would've spotted the alpaca herd by now.

Look, look, there's someone up ahead.

What do you say?

Just this once, let's go hog wild

And ask for directions.

(Cackles )

Why would I ask for directions?

Nigel, trust me.

(Screaming )

(Minicomm crashes )

Oh, I wonder if other husbands have this problem.

Eliza: you know...

There are a lot of things debbie does

That I don't like.

There's a lot I don't like either.

And she wasn't always cool.

You should've seen her when she was my age.

Oh, major geek.

I knew it all along.

You know what else?

There's been times she embarrassed me.

Me, too.

(Yelps )

(Babbles )

You guys are the best.

I feel better already.

Good.

Forget all about debbie and her silly little book.

My own sister, can you believe it?

Oh, eliza, can't you just forget the whole thing?

No, darwin.

Reading that diary wrecked my whole day.

(Insect buzzing )

Look, there's a bug.

(Yelps )

Let's talk to it.

There's always a first time.

Or we could climb the mountain

Roll in the grass or go in that cave.

Cave? What cave?

(Quavers )

Great idea, darwin.

Yes, darwin.

Great idea, darwin.

Maybe next time

We can visit a family of cannibals, darwin.

(Donnie babbling, darwin whooping )

(Gasps ) cool! Look at the bats.

I'd rather not.

Wow!

These must be ancient incan ruins.

Wonderful.

Can we go now?

We just got here.

But debbie will worry about us.

Debbie? Hah!

She's probably happy I'm not there.

I embarrass her, remember?

(Quavering )

(Bats screech )

(Shrieks )

Eliza, let's go back.

It doesn't feel right.

Something bad is going to happen.

(Cave rumbles, donnie babbles )

What is with you two?

(Screams ) (quavers )

It's an earthquake!

We got to get out of here!

(Yelling )

(Screaming )

(Gasps )

(Screaming )

(Yelling )

Everyone okay?

(Quavers ) yes.

(Jabbers )

Let's get out of here.

Whatever you say.

Uh-oh.

Darwin, we're trapped!

(Shrieks )

(Humming )

(Grunting )

(Hums and laughs )

Marianne (over radio ): hello, debbie, are you there?

Over.

Hey, mom, did you feel that?

We felt a little jolt.

How was it there?

Debbie: oh, a nightmare.

(Gasps )

Knocked over my soda.

And by the way, we're running low.

Debbie, is everyone okay?

Actually, I'm by myself.

Eliza took donnie and the monkey

On one of their nature walks.

(Alarm blaring )

Hold on a minute, debbie.

What in heaven's name is that, nigel?

Nigel: I'm afraid the fire alarm's been triggered.

Honey, I got to go.

Go find your sister for me, will you?

Over and out.

(Groans )

No sweat.

Over and out.

(Shouting ): eliza, mom said you have to come home right now!

But that doesn't mean

I'm not still mad at you for reading my diary!

Eliza: these candy bars are all we've got

Till we get out, darwin.

That's not enough for dinner

For the two of us.

Three of us.

Don't forget donnie.

(Gasps ) what's that?

Hide the candy.

Oh, oh, you're just a rat.

Hey, what are you doing here?

We have no food.

We're trying to get out.

We're trapped in here.

Too bad.

I can slip out of anywhere.

It pays to be a rat.

Do you know another way out?

There's lots of ways out.

You just have to feel your way around.

Oh, why did I ever say

We should explore these silly caves?

Actually... It's all debbie's fault.

After all, she's the one who threw us out.

(Donnie jabbering )

Darwin, come look.

(Donnie jabbering )

(Gulps )

(Shouting ): eliza!

For the last time, come home!

I promise I'll let you live!

Over and out!

(Shouts ): debbie, help!

What am I doing?

She can't hear me without a loudspeaker.

Let me try.

(Whooping loudly )

(Whooping heard in distance )

(Groans then crunches )

Monkeys... (Crunches )

They're everywhere.

What are we going to do?

None of us can fit.

(Donnie jabbering )

Darwin, look.

Donnie can.

We're saved!

Dear sweet little donnie.

(Jabbers )

Go on, donnie.

Go get us some food.

(Slurps )

(Burps )

Oh, I just have to think of a plan.

(Jabbers )

Eliza: hey, what are you doing

With debbie's diary?

You little sneak.

What are you doing?

Writing a note.

Debbie can't stay mad at her only sister, can't she?

Here, donnie, take this to debbie.

(Jabbering )

Go on.

And when you get back...

(Babbling )

And bring some cheese crunchies!

(Jabbers )

(Grunting )

There you are.

I was getting worried.

So, where's eliza and the monkey?

(Moans )

(Jabbers )

Reading.

(Jabbers )

Writing.

(Yelps ) my diary!

Eliza has my diary!

(Yells )

I put it right here!

(Gasps )

That little sneak must have snuck back in and took it.

(Yelling )

My nails!

That was my third coat.

Not first, not second, but third.

Ruined, all because she read my diary.

(Chimes tinkle )

Donnie, donnie, where did you go?

Go on, darwin, take your piece.

(Slurps )

(Munching loudly )

You didn't save some for donnie!

It's every chimp for himself.

Calm down, debbie'll be here soon

And you can have all the food you want.

(Slurping )

Hey, look at this cool thing.

(Jabbering )

Debbie?

Debbie, we're down here!

Debbie, debbie, where are you?

Donnie, where's debbie?

(Babbling )

She's still mad at me?

Even though I'm stuck in this cave?

Okay, so I read her diary.

Suddenly my life isn't worth saving?

I'm sorry I ever read that stupid diary

Even if it was a mistake.

(Whoops )

(Whimpers )

(Whooping )

(Babbles )

(Yelps )

What are you doing?

That's what got us into this mess.

What difference does it make?

Debbie's obviously never going to forgive me.

I might as well know what else she thinks about me.

Oh, great.

Now I'll never know.

(Breathing heavily )

(Yelps )

Yuck!

What is this filthy old thing?

Did eliza send you with this?

(Jabbering )

What are you up to?

(Babbling )

(Groans )

Okay, okay, lassie, let's go.

(Babbling )

(Babbles ): bag.

Okay, eliza, you have my attention now.

Are you happy?

What I would give for some crackers, salt free, even.

Debbie (in distance ): hey, eliza, are you in there?

Shh. What was that?

Debbie, we can't get out!

Don't worry.

I'll get you out.

Oh, eliza, I feel strange again.

You're wrong this time.

My big sister's here to rescue us.

(Both grunting )

Oh, no, it's that feeling again.

(Cave rumbling )

(Sisters grunting )

(Screaming )

(Coughing )

So, this is where you've been all day?

Yeah.

How did you find us?

Donnie brought me this.

Hey, don't break that.

It's really valuable.

Yeah, well, if we have another aftershock

We'll be buried with this stuff forever.

Is there another way out?

Don't you think I've looked?

Okay, okay.

Where's that lead to?

The last earthquake must have opened a passageway.

Let's go!

Hold it-- I'm going first.

(Screeching and screaming )

Okay, you go first.

(Grunting )

Whew.

Dearest... (Chuckles )

What do you say we ask for directions now?

Oh, nigel, I know exactly where I am.

(Both yelping )

There.

Ready to go on camera, darling?

Oh, marianne, you're astounding.

Oh, I wish I could marry you

All over again.

Why didn't you come when you read the note?

What note?

You never saw it.

I used a blank page from your diary.

You what?

I found this in donnie's shorts.

I had to write on something.

I figured you were still mad at me.

You are so young.

Even if I was still mad, which I am

I still would help you.

What, you think I'm a self-centered teenager?

I ought to be mad

After what you wrote about me.

(Gasps ) I knew you read my diary!

You said you didn't.

What else did you read?

Nothing, just that one page about me.

I don't believe you.

Are you calling me a liar?

I don't know

But I'm putting a no-talking ban on.

That's brilliant.

How can we talk?

Through mom and dad?

They're not here!

We'll just have to use darwin.

Listen up, monkey:

Anything I need to say to eliza, I say to you.

Debbie, he can't even understand you.

So, I'm a geek, am i?

(Whooping )

Sometimes.

Like when?

I'll think of something.

Hah! You can't think of anything.

(Spits and mutters )

Hah! Like when you spit on an old dumb spoon

And scrub it like a maniac.

Who does that?

Only a geek or grandma sophie.

For your information, it's not a spoon.

It's an ancient artifact.

I'd rather not use up all the air we have left

Talking about this.

Shh, listen, do you hear that?

Water.

(Sniffs )

(Screams )

Rat!

Debbie, stay back.

What's her problem?

She doesn't get out much.

Can you tell me where the water is?

Through that hole.

Thanks.

Debbie, come on.

There's water up here.

Like, I'm thirsty.

(Yelps ) (yelps )

(Screaming )

What are we going to do now?

Hang on, I'll be right back.

(Inhales deeply )

(Jabbers ): liza, liza!

(Gasping )

Finally! You okay?

Yeah.

Take a deep breath and follow me.

It's not far.

(All breathe deeply )

(Choking and gasping )

Wow! What is this place?

I don't know.

It's... Definitely not a way out!

Now we're stuck even farther away

And no one's ever going to find us.

Hey, don't blame me!

Who am I supposed to blame-- donnie?

He didn't read my diary.

Did you mean what you wrote, that I embarrass you?

Yes!

No!

Which one?

Both!

Look, some days you bug me, like now

And some days you don't.

(Groans )

"August -- what a bummer.

"My penpal, sven, hasn't returned

"My last five e-mails.

"We're in a blizzard

"Even though it's summer

"And I should be at the beach

"And there's nothing to do.

"Eliza and I just played checkers.

"I think she let me win.

She's not so bad, really."

Wow.

Yeah, well, now you know.

(Bats swarm )

(Gasps )

(Screams )

(Screaming )

Bats! I hate bats!

It's okay, deb.

Hey, wait a minute.

(Jabbering and whooping )

Debbie, it's a way out.

Come on!

(Whooping and grunting )

(Grunting )

(Screams )

Daylight!

We're saved!

(Yelps )

(Babbles )

(Both sigh and gasp )

Following bats out?

How geek-like.

Thanks, squirt.

(Gulping loudly )

I've never gone so many days

Without eating.

I must have lost ten pounds.

We were only there for five hours.

That long?

I'd better get some cookies.

Okay, whose turn is it to give donnie a bath?

Yours!

Both: one, two, three.

I win!

Lion eats fruit.

Nope, fruit gives lion a stomachache.

I knew that.

Who made up this dumb game anyway?

(Horn honks )

Let's not tell them what happened.

Deal?

Deal.

Now, fruit beats lion, again, why?

Debbie: monkeys... (Munching )

They're everywhere.