03x04 - Critical Masai

[bunniefuu]

- This is me, eliza thornberry,

Part of your average family.

I got a dad, a mom, and a sister.

There is donnie-- we found him.

And darwin--he found us.

Oh, yeah, about our house--it moves,

'Cause we travel all over the world.

You see, my dad hosts this nature show,

And my mom sh**t it.

Okay, so we're not that average.

And between you and me, something amazing happened,

And now I can talk to animals.

It's really cool, but totally secret.

And you know what? Life's never been the same.

- Ah!

Ah!

- All right.

Send a high one out here.

- You might want to back up, my boy.

I'm liable to hit it over your head.

- No offense, uncle nige,

But you don't look like major league material.

- I'll have you know I was the top batsman

Of my fourth form cricket team at harrow.

Why, when we played eaton--

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.

Just bring it on.

- [Grunts]

[Grunts]

- Oh.

- Oh, seems like I need a bit of a warm-up.

[Grunts]

- Hey, can we play?

- Oh, sure you can.

Just not very well. [Laughs]

- Ugh.

- Right.

Would you take over, poppet?

I believe your mother needs my help

With the camera equipment.

- Oh!

- So you sure you want to embarrass yourself?

- Ty, where did you get the idea that you are so amazing?

- It's my planet, cuz.

You only get to stay here 'cause I let you.

- Just pitch.

- All right, get ready, 'cause I'm gonna throw you

A heater right across the plate.

- I'm growing old out here.

- [Grunts]

[Both scream]

- What are you trying to do? Knock my head off?

- [Laughs]

Hey, you were crowding the plate.

What's the matter? You chicken?

[Grunts]

Oh.

- [Laughs]

- [Chattering]

- I don't see anything. Do you, dear?

- No. It's probably nothing.

- [Chattering]

- What's going on?

- Nature boy is at it again.

- Nothing.

Oh, wait.

It's a tribe of masai.

- [Chattering]

- There's something about that boy.

- African warriors.

Awesome.

- Give me. - Hey.

- Mom, dad, it's juka and makai.

- You know them?

- It's my planet, cuz.

[Cows mooing]

- [Giggling]

- Hi, juka.

- Hi, eliza.

- Oh, cool spear.

Can I throw it?

- This is my annoying cousin, tyler.

- Are you a real masai warrior?

- Of course he's a warrior. Right, juka?

- A warrior?

Oh, sure. Yes.

Um, I like your baseball glove.

- It is nice to see you all again.

What brings you back to these lands?

- We're here to film a newborn bushbuck.

Last time, we failed to find one.

Frightfully disappointing, that.

- Don't worry, uncle nige.

I'm here now.

We'll find a bushbuck easy.

- Oh, but it's not easy at all, tyler.

A bushbuck mother conceals her baby in a bush

To camouflage it from predators.

- Yeah, and if a lion or my dad can't find it,

What makes you think you can?

- 'Cause I am the all-time scavenger hunt champion

Of kansas city.

- [Laughs]

A scavenger hunt's nothing like a real hunt.

Hey, juka? - Uh, sure.

They are very different.

- Tell us about one.

- Uh, my people need help with the herd.

I'll see you later.

- [Chattering]

- Let's commence our search

In that grove of trees downriver.

[Groaning]

Egad!

- Nigel, are you okay?

- Not to worry.

It's just my trick back acting up again.

- Should I set up the board?

- Oh, afraid so, darling.

I need to stay perfectly still

Until the spasm passes.

- [Chattering]

- Donnie, donnie, donnie, donnie--

Oh, I've got him, nigel.

- Marianne. - Donnie.

- No, donnie. - Nigel.

- Think it best

If nobody touches me,

Especially not donnie.

- Hey, juka, how about trading my mitt for your spear?

- A warrior can't trade his spear away.

Didn't I tell you he was annoying, juka?

- So what's it take to become a warrior anyway?

- The elders say that first you must prove

That you are brave, swift, and wise.

- But you don't have to prove any of those things.

- I must, if I want to be a warrior.

[Sighs]

But I can't even hit that target with my spear.

- Then can I have it?

- Ignore him.

I bet you can hit the center easy.

- [Inhales]

- Heavens, marianne,

Someone nearly impaled me with a spear.

- You see?

And that's the easiest part of being a warrior.

- You'll hit it next time.

- Ah-ha.

Ooh [chatters]

- Hey, mom, look.

Check out this cool bracelet the masai girls gave me.

- Could someone be kind enough to pass me the salt, please?

- Here you go, dad. - Many thanks, pet.

Oh.

I hate to be a bother.

But, could someone come and retrieve the salt?

- You know, dad, I saw this website

On the internet all about acupuncture.

- Needles?

Why not just put me on the rack?

- Wow, touchy.

- You know how your father is when his back goes out.

- Yeah, I like it better when his back is in.

- [Laughs]

- So what's up with your friend?

The masai girl said he's really bummed.

- Juka's worried he won't become a warrior.

- Oh, please.

That guy couldn't spear a fish in a barrel.

He'll never become a warrior.

- That's not true.

It just may take him a while.

It must be really hard.

- I could do it no problem.

- You? Ha.

I'd make a better warrior than you.

- You can't be a warrior.

You're a girl.

- What? - Actually, tyler's right.

- I am?

- Only masai men are allowed to be warriors.

- See? I told you.

- However, we're not masai.

We're thornberrys,

And every thornberry is a warrior.

- Oh, blast.

I've dropped my fork.

Marianne, could you feed me my peas?

- What are you doing? - [Gasp]

- You're not supposed to use juka's spear.

- Oh, come on. I just wanted to try it.

Let's see which one of us is a warrior.

- Oh, okay.

But be quiet.

- [Grunts]

- [Grunts]

- Yes.

Behold the warrior.

- So you're a little stronger.

I've still got way more courage.

- You?

Braver than me?

- I've come face-to-face with lions.

The scariest thing you've ever done

Is go to the mall by yourself.

- You're just jealous 'cause I'm stronger.

I'm braver. Oh, yeah, I'm brave.

I'm stronger. I'm a warrior.

Oh, yeah. Oh--oh.

Uh-oh.

Eliza?

Eliza?

Okay, fine.

Be that way.

[Grunts]

Ow.

Oh!

[Yelps] ow.

Eliza?

Is that you?

[Screams]

Lions!

- Please don't eat me.

Oh, please.

[Gasps]

[Panting]

Run for it before the lions get you!

- Perhaps you should see

These hungry lions before you run.

- [Moos]

[All laughing]

- Behold the warrior.

- Everybody, there's no danger.

Go to sleep.

- Why are you here?

We thought you were poachers trying to steal our cattle.

- I'm sorry, we just wanted to learn more about masai ways.

Tyler learned a lesson about being scared.

- My grandfather says that a warrior

And a coward are equally afraid.

How you act when your moment of truth arrives

Determines which one you are.

- When's your moment of truth?

- I don't know, but if I fail when it comes,

The village will laugh at me as they laughed at you.

- [Groans]

- Makai gave me an herbal remedy

That might help your back.

Can you turn over?

- Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

- Oh, I'm sorry, honey.

- [Groans]

- [Chattering]

- Oh, nigel.

- No, it's donnie.

Keep him back, marianne.

- Come on, donnie.

- Ooh.

- Well, at least this stuff won't go to waste.

- You should have seen him, debbie.

If makai hadn't stopped him,

He would have run all the way back to kansas city.

- Oh, yeah, he's a brave warrior all right.

"Moo."

[Both laughing]

- Ha, ha.

Juka said that every warrior has a moment of truth,

When mine comes, you watch.

I'll prove I'm more of a warrior

Than you two put together.

- If you want a contest, we're ready.

There's got to be something we can do

That shows we're brave, swift, and wise

Like the masai elders said.

Right, debbie?

- Ugh. I've got better things to do.

- Scared you'll break a nail or something?

You're gonna wish those cows trampled on you

When we're through.

- I know.

We'll try to track down a baby bushbuck.

First team to film it are the greatest warriors.

- That would be us.

The girls.

- Oh, dream on, cuz.

Hey, if we both find a bushbuck,

How will we know who won?

- The cameras have time codes.

We'll know to the exact second who filmed one first.

- Let's go.

- [Chattering]

- We have to split up?

But eliza, I want to be on your team.

- You can't, dar.

You have to go with tyler.

You're a boy.

- Actually, I'm a chimpanzee,

Which probably disqualifies me anyhow.

- He'll need you if he gets into trouble.

- But then, I'll be in trouble with him.

[Groans]

- Wahoo!

[Chattering]

- Hey, donnie, you knew those masai were coming

Before anyone else, right?

- Uh-huh. [Chattering]

- You want to find a bushbuck for me?

- [Chattering]

- [Chuckles]

I've got a secret w*apon.

Okay, donnie, lead us to victory.

- [Chattering]

- Humph.

- Let's head that way.

- I think we should go this way.

- We have more chances of finding a bushbuck

If we stay close to the river.

- The river curves up ahead.

My way's a shortcut.

- We don't need a shortcut.

We need to find a baby bushbuck.

- If you're gonna yell at me,

Just forget the whole thing.

- I'm not yelling at you!

I'm trying to inspire you.

If we lose to tyler, I'll never hear the end of it.

- What was I thinking?

What do I care about some stupid contest

Between two little brats?

- You can't leave. We're a team.

We're fighting for girls everywhere.

- Represent girl power by yourself.

- [Chattering]

- Donnie, where are we going?

I haven't seen a single bush for over a mile.

- [Chattering]

- You think a bushbuck is nearby?

Take me to him, donnie.

- [Chattering]

- Oh, man, I can't wait to see eliza's face

When she realizes I found--

The comvee?

Ugh.

- [Chattering]

- No, donnie.

Stay away.

- [Gasps]

Darwin, what are you doing here?

- Oh, thank goodness you've come, eliza.

I can't go another step.

- Where's tyler?

Did he find a bushbuck?

- [Spits]

Tyler couldn't find a bushbuck

If it walked up and introduced itself.

- Well, well, well, lookee here.

So you guys had enough? Ready to quit?

- Not a chance.

- [Rustling]

[Squeaking] - [gasps]

A baby bushbuck.

- Awesome. Tyler takes the prize.

- What? No way.

- Oh, yeah.

- Tyler, we have to go, now.

- Oh, don't tell me you're afraid of a little lightning.

- A lightning storm here is way worse than anywhere.

[Thunder cracking]

- [Gasps]

- Let's get out of here!

- Darwin, come on.

Get up, dar.

- [Whimpering]

- [Gasps]

- Eliza, I'll get help.

- There's no time. Help me make a firebreak.

- A what?

- A firebreak.

Scoop dirt on the fire to make an opening.

[Grunting]

[Both coughing]

- Let's get out of here.

- I've got to get darwin.

- I'll do it!

[Coughing]

- Dar, dar.

- Oh.

- The bushbuck.

[Panting]

Let's go before we're trapped again.

- Juka, have you seen my family?

- They are out on the savanna

Looking for a baby bushbuck.

[Thunder cracking]

- Nigel, the children are out in the storm.

We have to find them.

- Gracious, marianne.

Straighten me up.

[Groans]

Confound this blasted back.

- [Chattering]

- No, no--ah!

Ah.

- Whoo-hoo. - Oh, the spasm.

It's gone.

Donnie, you're a miracle worker.

- Glad you're better.

Let's go.

- Juka is missing.

- We must find him.

Gather a search party.

- What about the herd?

- My grandson is more important.

- We'll just follow the river.

It will lead us back to camp.

- Those animals are sure freaked out.

- [Growls]

- [Gasps]

- [Growling]

- Ah!

- [Growling]

- Run!

Run for the river!

- Go. I'll catch up.

Juka, your spear.

- Keep it. I have another idea.

[Grunting]

Quick, everyone in the water.

The leopard will not swim.

- [Laughing]

- [Gasps]

- Now what? We can't stay in here forever.

- He'll give up soon.

- Not soon enough. Look.

- Crocodiles!

- Get out of the water.

I'll slow them down.

- What's she doing? She's gonna get hurt.

- She'll be all right.

Eliza is a warrior.

- Hey, guys, see this.

It tastes even better than a wildebeest.

You want it?

You've got to swim for it.

Go, go, go!

- You were awesome, eliza.

- Ah--oof.

[Chattering]

- My village!

The herd. Where are the warriors?

- Out looking for you.

- Oh, no. This is my fault.

If we lose the herd--

- We won't. What would makai do?

- He would drive the herd across the river to safety.

- I'll help you.

- I'll help put out the fire.

- Hey, you guys, I know you're really scared right now,

But I know where it's safe.

- We're doomed.

- We're doomed.

All: doomed.

- No, you're not.

Just go across the river.

- The river is deep.

- It's got snakes.

- And crocodiles.

- Hey, I was just there and I'm okay.

Besides, we'll be there with you, I promise,

And there's lots of food on the other side.

- Food? - Food?

All: food.

- That's right. Now, spread the word.

[All mooing]

- Hey-oh. Hey-oh.

Hey-oh, hey-oh.

- [Chattering]

- Children, thank you for helping us.

We are truly grateful.

- Well, it was juka's idea

To drive the herd across the river.

- Yeah, talk about using your head.

You should have seen him save us from that leopard.

- Yes, he is a very smart young man,

And I am very proud of him.

- So is juka an official warrior now?

- Not yet, but things are,

As you say, looking up.

- Slowly.

We don't want to frighten her.

- I know. I know.

I still say I found it first.

- You did not.

- Did so. - Did not.

- Did so.

- Klasky csupo.

- Oh, yeah.

He's a brave warrior, all right.

"Moo."