05x18 - Double-O Danger

[bunniefuu]

[ music ]

[ playing spy music ]

[ elevator dings ]

- Ayyyyyeeee...

- M'strawberry syrup!

What the heck, man?! - Schwoz was gonna--

- I'm trying to enjoy my Man-breakfast

and you're comin' in here zappin' this one,

who's hiding under my table--

and I got these two off in the corner

playing instruments I've never seen them play before...

- You told us to learn how to play these!

- You said you wanted to start the Man Band

so you could rent us out to Bar Mitzvahs.

- Look, let's not focus

on things I did or did not say--

- But you did. - Yeah, you did.

- Let's focus on why Schwoz is hiding under my table!

I have to!

It's part of my game with Henry. - What game?!

- I hide under things

and I hit him with a sleep dart

when he comes to work.

It's called, "Hide And Go Sleep."

Henry loves it! - Actually I hate it.

That's why I zapped you.

- Yeah, I guess you got me--

Sleep dart!

Ayee!

[ alert rings ]

- [ gargling ]

It's the Vice Mayor.

- Ugh... fine.

Put it on the monitor.

- What's up,

I'm eating a reckless breakfast

and I'm not gonna stop.

- [ English accent ] Cherrio! Good morning,

Captain Man. Kid Danger.

Why do you look so funny?

- [ mumbles ]

- Also he says, "Why do you sound funny?"

- Yeah.

- I've been in England on holiday.

- That means vacation in English.

- Take it easy man.

- I have a mission for you.

I want you to capture Mob Boss, Rob Moss.

- Who's Mob Boss Rob Moss?

- He's a Mob Boss.

- Precisely.

You can see him here in the annual calendar

of Swellview's Hottest Villains.

- [ mumbles ]

- That's just not safe.

- I'm indestructible.

- Yeah, you can still choke--

- Righty-ho, here it is.

- Uhh... which one is he?

- Yes, that is the question.

- He surrounds himself with lookalikes

that way no one can ever be sure

who the real Mob Boss Rob Moss is.

- Precisely!

That's what makes Mob Boss Rob Moss

such a slippery biscuit.

- Hmm? - A slippery biscuit!

- Okay?

- Which means he's absolutely delicious

but impossible to catch.

- I caught him five times myself.

Or at least I thought I did. Each time it turned out to be...

mmmmmhhhhhh.

- A lookalike?

- Precisely.

- Okay Dude, why would you take a bite mid-sentence?

You know what, I don't-- I don't even care, just choke.

How are we gonna--shh.

how are we gonna find this wet biscuit guy?

- Our sources indicate that he's going to be attending

his daughter's sweet sixteen birthday party.

- Hmm...sweet sixteen...

the most important of all the girl birthdays.

- Precisely.

Now, I'm the Vice Mayor, not the give-you-advice Mayor,

but the party is at Moss Manor,

so when you sneak in

I suggest you dress as well as you possibly can,

otherwise you'll stick out like a llama on the loo.

- Roger that.

And, as always, on this mission

we have a license to k*ll.

- There is no such thing as a license to k*ll.

- Oh, so we don't need one? Great.

Time to let the big dogs eat!

- No, no, dude--he just means we can't k*ll people.

- Oh, I hear you.

Wink.

- You've utterly misunderstood my meaning.

- We're on it! Click.

- Dude, we're not allowed to just k*ll people--

- Sleep dart!

- Ah. Are you serious...

[ playing spy music ]

- We're doin' gadgets! Come on!

- [ groaning ]

How long was I out?

- Long enough for Schwoz to bring out a buncha cool gadgets

to help with our mission tonight.

- "Our" mission?

- Ray says me and Charlotte can come too.

- Ah sweet! - Yeah.

He says we can help keep an eye out for Rob Moss.

And if things get crazy,

he's gonna use me as a human shield.

- Wait, but... he's indestructible.

Why would he need a human shei--

- Don't you take this away from me!

- Hey look who finally decided to wake up

from his little nappie.

- Schwoz sh*t a sleep dart into my neck.

- Sounds like it was an excuse dart.

- Well...

- Show him how the cuff links work

on the Captain Mannequin. - Yah yah. Okay.

See this mannequin over here

is wearing what look like regular cuff links, right?

- I definitely know what cuff links are...

and those look like regular ones. Proceed.

- Okay, now I'm just gonna take one of them off

and put it in your pocket real quick.

No big deal. Ohhh!

- Okay, first of all don't put your hand there---

- Hit it, Schwoz.

- [ laughs ]

The cuff links are electro-magnets!

Real powerful!

- I can see that.

- Hey you wanna see something else that's really cool?!

- I don't think I do. - Too bad!

Jasper, show him the DNA glasses.

Now ah, these look like regular sunglasses right?

- I bet they're not.

- Well they're NOT!

- They've got DNA scanning technology.

Let's say you run into a guy

that you might think is Mob Boss Rob Moss...

- But you're not sure because he has all those lookalikes.

- So you just press this little button right here

on the side of the glasses...

And it'll use DNA to tell you exactly who it is!

- Jasper, is your middle name really TBD?

- "To Be Determined." Yeah.

My parents said they'd give me a middle name

at their one year anniversary. [ laughs ]

Didn't make it!

[ laughing ]

- New gum balls are done!

- Charlotte's here! - That was awkward.

- He, whatcha got there?

- Special gum for a special occasion.

The Vice Mayor said you guys

have to look extra fancy tonight.

I think these will do the trick.

- Ahh. - These taste terrible.

- Yeah, they taste like uh like...

- Like butt. - Yes!

Couldn't quite put my finger on it!

- Tastes like butt. - Butt. Tastes like butt.

- It's Schwoz's recipe.

I just mixed the ingredients and turned the gum maker on.

- You mix in some butt? - Heh. Ha ha.

- Just blow a bubble!

- I put some butt in there.

- Sorry? - Just a little.

- Whooo HOOOO!

What? They look hot.

- He's right. - I mean he's not wrong.

- Great. Then you should blend right in...

- Why you wearing tuxedos, ya gunches?

- Because we received incorrect information, sir!

- Nice dude, you just admitted to being a gunch.

- I think they knew.

- It all just kinda happened.

I wanted an after-school job.

But then, an indestructible superhero

hired me to be his sidekick.

- Ahhh!

- Now we blow bubbles...

and fight crime. Feels good.

[ theme music ]

- Call it. - Up the tube!

- Aw, my boot! - Ha!

- Why'd you make us wear tuxedos to a Hawaiian-themed party?

- 'Cuz the Vice-Mayor didn't tell us

it was a Hawaiian-themed party.

- Well now we stick out like guys in tuxedos

at a Hawaiian-themed party. - We know.

- It's gonna be a lot harder to blend in

and find Rob Moss when we look like this.

- Yea-- - I mean the whole point

of these tuxedos was to blend in, look cool--

- We know.

- Aloha.

- What the--?! - How did you--

- I'm gonna go find Rob Moss. Aloha.

The goodbye one this time.

- Okay, so what do we do?

- Hang on, I've got an idea...

- Okay, so what do we do?

- We stay focused. Try and find Rob Moss.

- Alright. I got my glasses right here so--

- Bingo! - What?

That's Rob Moss.

- That is...

...not Rob Moss.

His name is Jeff Martin. - Huh?

- His name is Jeff Martin--

- Huh...must be one of the lookalikes then.

- Yeah, that looks nothing like Rob Moss, so.

- Well, you know what they say...

- Uh, don't punch randos in the face?

- Nah.

"Secrets, secrets are no fun.

Always, always punch someone."

- There is something wrong with you.

- There's something wrong with your face.

- What does that even mean? - That's right.

- Hey. - Bingo!

- Ah! What the heck, man?

- Piper? What are you doing here?

- Feelin' good, lookin' better.

- No I mean why would why would Joss Moss

invite you to her sweet sixteen?

- I'm internet famous.

I get invited to everything.

What are you two doing here?

In tuxedos.

Standing over an unconscious guy.

- Uh... - See uh we...

- Are... - Waiters.

- Ugh, what?! - Yep, we're waiters.

- Ugh...

- So uh yea we're just workin' the party.

- Ughhhh! [ yelling incoherently ]

- Well if you're workin' the party,

then go waiter me up a can of cranberry mango fizzy punch.

- You know, I actually have a can of punch right here

in my pocket, just come over here and I'll give it to ya.

- No, no. I will go get you a cranberry mango fizzy punch.

- How do I look?

- No.

- Hey, who knocked out celebrity chef, Jeff Martin?

- Ugh.

- Hey, can I get a cranberry mango fizzy punch?

- Ha. Cute.

- Oh, the drink's not for me.

It's for my little sister.

- Well I wasn't talking about the drink.

- Uh... Whaaa...ha...

w-what were you talking about?

- I was talking about you.

Because I think you're cute.

- [ giggles ]

- Why are you dressed like that?

- Oh, I uh--I thought it was a costume party.

So I'd just come as a cute waiter.

Make it two.

Unless you have to bring that to your sister.

- I really should.

Where were we?

- What's going on?

Man, after a lifetime of working these parties,

they all start to look the same. Am I right?

- Nope.

- Yeah no, you gotta stay sharp...

stay focused... totally agree...

Say, you seen Mob Boss, Rob Moss around?

The real one? I'm asking for a friend.

- Nope.

- 'Kay got me,

I'm asking for myself.

So have you seen him?

- Nope.

- You sure do like that word.

- Yeah... so, I'm in a band.

- No you're not. - I know.

But uh, yeah I think I'd be really good in one.

So you should come check us out. When we exist.

- Where's my cranberry mango fizzy punch?

- Hey, Piper. - Hey, Joss.

Love your dress.

- Thank you.

I'm gonna wear it once then throw it away.

[ both laugh ]

- Ha ha ha, yeah

you should probably wear it more than once

but I'm sorry backing up here real quick--

what uh--what'd you say your name was again?

Hmmm? Joss?

Hmmm? Joss?

- Joss Moss.

- Joss Moss...

daughter of Mob Boss Rob Moss, Joss Moss?

- That's right.

- Hey. Waiter.

Still waiting for my cran-man-fizz-pu.

- Ladies and gentleman,

please direct your attention

to this special video message from your kind host,

legitimate business man Rob Moss!

- Hello, everyone.

I'd like to wish a happy birthday

to my beautiful daughter, Joss,

on her sweet sixteen,

the most important of all the girl birthdays.

[ applause ]

Unfortunately, due to a misunderstanding

with the Swellview Police Department

regarding a number of crimes I definitely did not commit,

I'm unable to be there in person.

- Aw, come on!

I got all dressed up like a stupid waiter--

no offense--

and the guy's not even here.

I mean how am I supposed to go undercover

and bust this guy if he's not even here?!

I mean...I can't punch a hologram, can I?

- Nope.

- Eh, there's that word again.

- So... you're here to bust Rob Moss?

- Oh what, now you can say things?

- Joss, I'm sorry about tonight.

But I do have a surprise for you.

Surprise! I'm here!

- Dad!

- You're not really a waiter, are you?

- Nope. - You lied to me.

- Take him to the beatin' room.

- Well I don't like the sound a that...

- Did you guys see that? - Yeah.

Joss just got a diamond tennis bracelet...

- Gorgeous.

- No! Ray just got dragged off

by three huge Mob Boss Rob Moss lookalikes!

- [ gasps ] - Yeah!

- That's a Gherkin bag!

Joss just got a Gherkin bag!

- Gorgeous.

- You guys...

- You want me to steal that Gherkin bag?

- Yes. - YOU GUYS.

- Her dad probably stole it first.

It's not stealing if you steal from a criminal.

- Not accurate, but I like what you're laying down.

- Can we please just focus on what happened to Ray?!

- He's indestructible. I'm sure he's fine.

- Ahhhhhhhhh!

[ relieved ] Ahhhh...

Ahhhhh!

Ahhhhh...

- Yeah, you're right, I'm sure he's fine.

- Oh, daddy!

How did you know?!

- Excuse me, honey. I gotta go take care of...

a charity thing.

- Rob Moss on the move.

Gherkin bag still in place.

- On it.

- Did you see where they took Ray?

- Yeah, but there's a big ugly dude

guarding a secret passage...

...which I gotta say is pretty cool.

- You know what's pretty cool?

A Christian LaBoutin dog carrier

that I didn't even know existed!

- I think I can get in there, just need a distraction.

- Have you seen what Joss is opening up there?

- Henry! - Eeek!

Where's my cranberry mango fizzy punch?!

- Umm, I'm gonna-- - Y'know what, forget it.

I'm going to talk to your manager.

- No, don't, don't, don't, don't do that.

Okay, I'm gonna get you the punch.

- Will you? 'Cause I heard that from you,

like, ten minutes ago.

- You're sooo...

- Here you go.

- Thank you, Charlotte.

- Okay, I just need to create a distraction.

- Just did. - What?

- I gave her a soda.

Shaken, not stirred.

- Ahhhh!

- Ooooh!

- And guess what else, Mob Boss Rob Moss.

When I get out of this thing

I'm gonna break you into a million stupid pieces.

- I'm not Rob Moss.

- Really.

Huh...

And guess what else, Mob Boss Rob Moss?

When I get off this thing--

- I'm not Rob Moss, either.

- Gah.

Okay, listen, there's a pair of glasses in my pocket.

If one of you would just be a lamb and--

- Oh!

Somebody shut this guy up!

- Mob Boss Rob Moss?

- Yeah.

- I knew it!

- Did somebody say, 'Danger?'

- No... - What are you talkin about?

- No!

- Oh, well if one of you said it...

my entrance would have been cool.

- Hey Kid Danger!

- Hello random citizen. I'm here to save you.

- That's great but was actually just about to save myself, so...

- Oh, you were gonna save yourself?

- Uh, I was workin' on it-- - Oh okay, I'll just leave then.

- Well I didn't say that. - Well if you're gonna--

- You came all the way down here...

- Will someone please take care of this kid?!

I love when this happens.

It's like I get to watch a whole bunch of me's

b*at people up.

- You seem like a real gunch.

- Hey, Mr. Moss?

Does your daughter have a boyfriend?

- What?!

- 'Cause I saw her talking to this really handsome guy

who's in a band-- - Are you kidding me?!

- Alright, you got me... he's not in a band.

But he's thinkin' about starting one.

- You spit on me?!

- Sure did.

- That's disgusting!

- You're trying to cook me!

- Fair enough.

Also, I'm leaving.

- What? You can't leave, I'm about to win this fight!

- Yeah, that's why I'm leaving.

Move! Outta my way!

If you can chew you can shoo!

- Alright, I'll be back.

- Where you going?

- I gotta go get Mob Boss Rob Moss.

- Want me to cuff him for you?

Or should I say...

cuff link him for you?

- I don't know what that means.

- Daddy, you can't leave yet.

- I'm sorry, honey, I got--

[ crowd claps ]

- Never tell Schwoz how helpful these cuff links were.

- Of course not.

Ah, I gotta get back out to the party.

Ahh I--I forgot about the butt taste.

Ahh. I don't like it. Ehh.

- Bye.

- Bye Joss. - Great party.

- Had so much fun. - Thanks for having us.

- Is that my Gherkin bag?

- Bye, Joss. - Great party.

- Hey! What's up Joss!

Hey I was just in the bathroom for like a really long time.

Not for like a gross reason though.

For like a totally normal reason that someone would do that.

What's up with you uh? What'd I miss?

How's it going? Hmm? What's up?

- Well you missed a lot.

Okay, I got a diamond tennis bracelet.

- I--I saw that.

- Someone just stole my Gherkin. - Bummer.

- And my dad's on his way back to prison.

- Uh, happy birthday?

- Hey, I never got your name.

- Yeah, it's Hart.

Henry Hart.

- The way you said that was weird.

Very weird.

- Hey man I was in the bathroom for like an hour!

Not for a gross reason, though. - It's okay...

- But I don't even know what this guy's doin'.

- It's fine. He's here for me. - Oh.

- I need to discuss who's going to take over

my father's very legitimate business.

- Is your father's business legitimate though?

- Never ask me about my business, Henry.

- Party's over pal-- let's get outta here.

- Yeah, hang on a second.

- Buddy, we gotta go.

- Are you wearing a diamond tennis bracelet?

- Oh yeah. It's not stealing if it's from a criminal.

- Okay.

Come on, let's go let's go s'go s'go s'go...

go go go go go...