[ music ]
[ On TV] JACOB'S FATHER: Jacob, I told you to put
that kie-oat down!
JACOB: I did, Pa! But he rose up from his grave!
And now he's a... zombie coyote!
[ zombie coyote howls ]
[ laughs ]
[ chainsaw revving ]
JACOB: How did he pick up and operate that chainsaw?!
- Oh my god!
JACOB: Oh no!
- What's your problem, man? - Hmm?
- What's your problem, man?
- Nothin'. It's just a funny movie.
- It's not a funny movie! - I wet my pants.
- It's a scary movie! - Terrifying!
- It's a movie about zombie coyotes.
- Whoa, whoa. I'm getting a lot of negativity in my direction.
Reminds me of the time that I said I didn't like Fortnite.
- You're bad at it.
- A hundred billion subscribers.
That's billion. With a "B."
- Alright, that's enough, that's enough, that's enough.
Now, can we please turn the movie on
so I can laugh and enjoy my Bro-maha Steaks.
- That's another thing! - Yeah!
- Oh, god...
- Not only are you laughing at our scary movie,
you're sittin' here eatin' Bromaha Steaks
right in our faces. - Yeah.
And all we have is candy, and popcorn, and sodas,
and donuts, and taffy, and slushies.
I mean what the heck, man?
- Okay first of all, I bought these steaks myself
with my own dad's credit card.
And second of all, I don't get scared.
- Yes you do. - Yes you do!
- Yeah you get scared all the time
and you do your tiny shriek. - Yeah, it's like, "Oh huh!"
- No, no, no, it's more high-pitched. It's like, "AHH!"
- No, no, no, you gotta go even higher than that,
[ higher pitched AHH! ]
- No no no no no no no no...
[ all imitating Henry's shriek ]
- No, I only do that when I'm startled, okay?
Not when I'm scared.
- Startled? Yeah? Startled, my foot!
- Well I'm sorry, okay?
I just don't get scared. Alright?
Just calm down, buddy?
- Challenge.
- Ooooooh! - Ohhhhh!
- Dance battle! - No, no...
I already b*at Henry in a dance battle.
- You did. I got served.
I'm big enough to admit it. - For this challenge...
I'm going to scare you.
- Can't be done.
- Oh yes it can.
I'm gonna tell you a story so scary it'll...
scare you. - Bring it.
- And if I do scare you,
we get... your whole box of Bro-maha Steaks!
- Oh? Oh you want my Bro-maha steaks?
You want my steaks? You want these steaks?
Well look at these guys over here.
- Man in the pink shirt.
- Alright. Oh don't come for my pink shirt, dude.
I can't be scared, okay, you 'Fraidy Gagas!
- Oh yeah! So we got a bet?
- Yeah we got a bet. You bet we got a bet.
Let's hear your story.
- Oh you're not just gonna hear my story.
You're gonna see my story. In your brain.
[ Schwoz giggles ]
- What?
- Schwoz? Get the Story t*nk.
- Beep. - I don't like that.
- and the sensory suit will also measure the "fearitol" levels
in Henry's body. - Fearitol?
What is that, some chemical that your body produces
when you're scared? - Yes!
- Well you better make sure that monitor can read zero,
because that's how much fearitol my body produces.
- Uh, yeah. - I said well--
- We heard you. - Wow. Love you, friends.
- Be quiet we're trying to divvy up the steaks we're gonna win!
- Aw, that's cute...
you actually think you can scare me.
By telling me a story.
- Oh, Henry...
poor, simple Henry...
I'm not just going to tell you a story.
I'm going to make you live the story.
- I'm already not caring about what you are saying.
- Maybe you'll care now!
[ laughter ]
- So... where am I?
- You're in the Story Zone, deep inside your brain.
RAY: When I tell my story, you'll experience it
in the Story Zone as though it's really happening to you.
For instance, if I say that you're standing near a camel
made of chocolate...
- Okay, that's pretty sweet.
RAY: Is it? I don't think you'll find it sweet
when you realize that my scary story starts off...
outside of a house very much like your own house.
- Okay.
RAY: But the difference is...
this house... is haunted.
[ Ray makes door creaking sound ]
- I can tell that's just you making the door sound with your mouth.
[ high pitched ] - No it's not.
- It all just kinda happened.
I wanted an after-school job.
But then, an indestructible superhero
hired me to be his sidekick. - Ah!
- Now we blow bubbles... and fight crime.
Feels good.
[ theme music ]
- Call it. - Up the tube!
- Aw, my boot! - Ha!
[ music ]
- So, Henry... how does it feel to stand outside a...
haunted house?
- I'll tell you how it doesn't feel -- scary.
So you guys should just give up now
'cuz you're not getting my steaks.
- Is he scared at all?
- No, his fearitol level is at one-hundred.
Which is like zero in fearitol levels.
- Then why not just make it zero?
- Hey guys! My bore-it-all levels are off the charts
so can we please get on with the story?
- Yes. So you're about to enter a haunted house.
RAY: But you're not alone.
- What, is there like a ghost in the doorway or something?
- Ooooooooooo!
RAY: No, no! There's no ghost in the doorway.
- Ooooooooooo...
- Nice try, buddy.
- But there is someone else there.
A friend.
RAY: A handsome friend with huge muscles.
RAY: And eyes that smolder like a sunset.
And hair like a waterfall but--
[ groans ] - Can we please just get on with the story?
RAY: Sure.
- Follow me.
If you dare... - I dare.
- Wait no you're supposed to follow me!
- Looks like my house.
- Only... spookier.
- Same couch though, so...
- Yeah well this couch is kinda big, it's kinda hard to move--
- Yeah well I'm just saying, if the couch was different
it might be scarier.
- The story's not about the couch!
- Well it could be. So.
- Greetings!
- Where'd he come from?
- The kitchen?
- I'm leaving for the winter
and I need a caretaker for this house.
- We'll do it.
Caretaking your house will give me time to write.
I'm a writer. - Gross.
- What are you writing?
- It's gonna take me all winter
but I'm going to write the Great American Meme.
- What? - Oooh...
- It's gonna be based on a stock photograph
and it's gonna have a hilarious caption
and capture the voice of our times.
- I love captions. - That's what memes do.
- Best of luck to you.
But before I go, you should know one thing.
- Where the bathrooms are?
- No. Well, yes. But you should also know
that the last caretaker of this house went crazy.
- Ah. I get it.
Ray's gonna go crazy. - Maybe I will...
- Well I know you will because what else would happen--
- Well I hope he doesn't go crazy.
Because the last caretaker of this house
sewed his daughters' clothes together.
Now those clothes will be together forever...
and ever... and...
Oopsie. ...and ever...and ever.
[ Ray makes door creaking sound ]
- Why don't you go upstairs and unpack?
While I stay down here, not going crazy.
- Unpack what? I don't have any bags.
- Oh really?
[ Ray makes door creaking sound ]
- Nice. - Yeah.
- But too bad for you I'm not scared of suitcases.
- Just go upstairs okay! - Fine.
- But be careful. You never know
what you might find at the top of the...
scares.
I said... you never know what you might find
at the top of the-- - I heard you!
- Scares.
- Hello Henry.
- Ahhh!
CHARLOTTE: Ahh! - We scared him!
- Yeah! - Yeah!
♪ I want something else to get me through this ♪
♪ Semi-charmed kind of life
- No no no no no I was startled, not scared!
Check my fearitol level!
- Oh! He was startled!
- I was. Just check it, Schwoz.
- Was he scared?
- He was almost scared two seconds ago...
no, he was never fully in the scare zone!
- Ah! - Why?
- What?
- Also real quick, big dog. Is that your celebration music?
- Yeah. Third Eye Blind.
Semi-Charmed Life. Why?
- Just random.
- It's not random. It's awesome.
- It's a little random. - Best song...
- My mom loves that song.
- I don't know what it's about, but it's awesome.
PIPER: Ray, you are old.
- Just flip your visor down and make sure you're wearing pants.
- I think you know I'm wearing pants.
- Good. - Great.
- Cuz I'm about to scare 'em off. Flip!
- Flipping.
- Okay, you're in your room, unpacking with the scary twins
whose clothes have been sewn together...
- Okay, socks go in the drawer. Sweater in the closet.
- Downstairs, the author is having trouble
coming up with ideas for the Great American Meme.
Gah! I can't think of any good memes.
SCHWOZ: How about something with cats?
- What are you doing? - Oh I'm just...
"The Shining" this glass.
- Yeah well references to old movies
aren't gonna help me write the Great American Meme.
- You could try taking an axe and smashing the door
to Henry's bedroom and hurting him.
- I don't know if I should hurt Henry.
- C'moooonnnn. - Okay I'll hurt him.
You got an axe? - I got this.
- Good enough.
Hey wait a second.
I thought we were alone in this house.
Oh boy I really have gone crazy...
- Come play with us, Henry. - Sure.
As long as it's not Fortnite, I'm in.
Little pigs, little pigs, let me come in.
- Okay, come on in.
- Are... - Door's unlocked.
- You... - Just turn the handle, dude.
- Scared...Yet?
- No. I'm not.
- Are you for real? - Are you serious?
- Well, I'm sorry.
- Well... what if the ghost came back?!
RAY: Would you be scared then?
The owner of the house is back!
And he's wearing a clown mask. Clowns are scary.
- Ehhh.
- Oooo, the bartender's here!
- Hey, Schwoz.
- Hello.
- None of this is scary, dude!
- And you have to make a public speech!
RAY: A speech you're not prepared for!
- I thrive under pressure, dude.
- Yeah he's-- - Yeah, yeah.
- Oh come on!
How can you not be scared by this?!
That's a very scary reference to a very scary movie!
- He just doesn't get why it's scary.
- It's nuanced and artistic and it's based on a book
and the guy from Wings was in it!
- That's the version you think of?
- I told ya. I can't be scared.
Let me at them steaks!
- Hold on there, handsome. - What?
- I was talking to Henry. - Oh.
- As Henry's best friend and soul mate...
- Wait what? - Yeah, what?
- I'm pretty sure I know what scares him.
- Oh I see... now you want a sh*t at my steaks.
- Yeah. I'm gonna win the bet,
take all your steaks, and then share them with you!
- Okay, that defeats the purpose of--
- So flip down that visor and be prepared to be scared!
- Alright. This story takes place up in Junk-N-Stuff...
JASPER: It was a day just like today.
- Wait shouldn't it be night right now?
- Oh yeah, yeah. It's night, that's way more scary.
[ thunder ]
You're halfway through weaving a friendship bracelet
for your ol' pal Jasper.
JASPER: When suddenly, Charlotte and I run in!
- Hey what's up? I'm almost done weaving your--
- Zombies!!!
[ Third Eye Blind - "Semi-Charmed Life plays ]
- You're right. Not yet.
But soon...
[ Jasper groans like a zombie ]
- Do you have to use the bathroom?
- No I'm making zombie noises!
- A zombie that has to use the bathroom?
- Why? Would that be scarier?
- Would somebody just please scare Henry
so we can win the bet and get the steaks?!
- That's what I'm doing! - Are you?
'Cuz I don't even see any zombies in Junk-N-Stuff yet.
I mean I'm looking and I'm looking
and I'm looking but--
- Zombies! - Okay.
[ high-pitched classic horror movie style scream ]
- Please don't do that again.
- It's Jasper's story. I'm not in charge.
- What do we do? I'm so scared.
And you should be, too!
- The door's locked. We're fine.
No, no, no, I will not be unlocking the door.
[ zombies groan ]
- Yeah, I know the sign says we're open
but it also says, "Se habla Español"
and none of us speak Spanish, so it's always been wrong.
[ zombies plead and groan ]
- If I unlock the door are you gonna eat my brains?
[ zombies try to zombie-say they won't ]
- Are you zombie-lying?
[ reluctantly zombie-admit they are lying ]
- And that's why I will not be opening the door.
- Oh no! That zombie has a zombie key ring!
[ high-pitched classic horror movie style scream ]
- Seriously?
- This is what happens when guys are in charge of stories.
The women just stand there and scream.
- Oh no they unlocked the door.
I'm filled with fear!
[ high-pitched, less enthusiastic scream ]
[ zombie groans ]
- Why is my dad here?
- I don't know but it's scary.
- Is it? Cus why did we go through
that whole thing about the door being locked
if zombies were inside the entire time?
- There's no time to ask reasonable questions because...
I'm a zombie too!
Oh, and so is Charlotte!
- Really?
[ zombies groan ]
- Okay, okay, I get it. Stop tickling me.
Stop tickling me. I'm not gonna be able to stop.
I'm gonna pee my pants. Stop guys, seriously.
I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding.
I will pee my pants if you don't stop tickling me.
- He's not lying. His urinol levels are rising!
- The zombies are tickling you! - No no no stop.
- That's enough. - It's not working.
- I don't wanna see my brother pee.
- The zombies are doing this!
- Stop, stop.
- I thought we were friends. - We are.
- Alright that's enough.
Now does anybody have any scary stories that could scare Henry?
- No they do not, because I can't be scared.
- I've got a scary story.
- Fine. - Oh great. Yes, yes, yes!
Come on, come on, come on. Do it, do it, do it.
- It was a dark and stormy night.
Just like tonight, if tonight were dark and stormy.
- Right.
CHARLOTTE: You're at your house.
- Hey check it out. Same couch.
CHARLOTTE: Your dad and Piper come home
with a new doll that Piper just bought.
- We're home. - With this doll I just bought.
- Because it's an evil doll that's gonna come to life
and hurt me while I'm sleeping?
- Whaaaat? - N-n-n-ooo...
- Look at his face. He's got murdery eyes.
- Well that's just too much mascara.
- Face it. The kid's onto me.
This story's not gonna scare him.
Piper, just throw me behind the couch.
DOLL: Byyyyyyeeee!
- Is that all you got?
- Ooh ooh I got one.
- Go, go. You got this. - Yeah, yeah.
- You're still at home.
PIPER: But you're alone.
- Oooo! - With a baby.
[ baby cries ]
- Hey, this is the closest any of these stories
have gotten to being scary.
- Alright! - Go, go, go.
- The phone rings! You answer it...
VOICE FROM PHONE: Do you like scary movies?
- I'll bet this call is coming from inside the house.
- Yeah, okay fine!
But that's not all. Because the person on the phone--
- Is wearing a scary mask from that painting
and is holding a Kn*fe.
DOLL: Ow! - Dang it!
- What? - Come on!
- Well, okay, there's a full moon outside--
- Werewolfs. Or vampires. Whatever.
- Ahhh! - Ooooh!
- Can I get out of this story t*nk now?
- No, no. Wait wait wait.
[ groans in frustration ]
- I have a story for you.
It's very quick and very scary.
- Okay. Let's hear it.
- Once upon fifteen minutes ago...
- Yeah. - while Ray was telling you his story...
- Okay.
- I infused the story t*nk with butterfly DNA.
- I'm sorry, what? - Oh you didn't hear me?
I said, I infused the story t*nk
with butterfly DNA.
- So what does that mean?
- Fearitol levels rising. - What?
- And urinol. - So much urinol...
- Your story suit is turning into a cocoon.
[ Henry lets out a tiny shriek ]
- Wait for it...wait for it...wait for it.
- Schwoz are we close?
- So so-- what's gonna happen to me, Schwoz?!
- Well, you'll be in the cocoon for about a month.
- What?! What about fighting crime?
What about my parents? What about school?
- I don't know.
I do know that when you emerge from the cocoon,
you will have a strong desire to fly to Canada for the summer.
- Noooo!
- Oh oh!
[ the monitor beeps ]
- It's official. Henry is scared!
[ everyone except Henry cheers ]
[ Third Eye Blind - "Semi-Charmed Life plays ]
- That was a great story, Schwoz!
- Thank you. - This isn't a story!
You actually did this to me!
- Sometimes the scariest stories are true.
- Amen. - Amen.
- I don't want to be a butterfly!
I want something else! - To get you through this?
- Just undo this. Control-Z, man! Control-Z!
- Well it looks like everything worked out.
- Sure did, buddy. - No it didn't!
- Hey, hey, who wants to be Kid Danger for the next month?!
- Me, me! - I do! I do!
- I'm Kid Danger! I wanna be Kid Danger!
05x24 - Story t*nk
Watch/Buy Amazon Merchandise
After school, Henry becomes Kid Danger: Captain Man's superhero sidekick.
After school, Henry becomes Kid Danger: Captain Man's superhero sidekick.