[ music ]
[ Jasper's stomach growls loudly ]
- What was that? - No idea.
[ Jasper's stomach growls even longer ]
- Okay, that's either coming from you
or someone just opened a mummy's tomb.
[ Jasper's stomach growls again ]
- Oh, yeah that's me tummy.
He yells at me when he's hungry.
- Well, I'm gonna yell at you if I keep hearing ye tummy.
So go get something from the auto snacker.
- Hey, Char.
You dare me to eat one of these things in this jar?
- No. - You're on!
- I said no. I do not dare you to eat one.
- I can't believe you're daring me to eat one of these things.
You are crazy.
- I'm not daring you!
- I'll do it, though! - Jasper, don't!
We don't even know what those things are!
- Here I go! You're sick, lady.
- Nooooooo!
Don't eat that!
- I have to. Charlotte dared me to.
- Why would you do that, Charlotte?!
- I didn't!
I said we don't even know what those things are.
- Yes we do.
Those are eggs for a creature I invented.
- What kind of creature?
- Well, I took organic material
leftover from the alien space rock that crashed on Ray's head.
- There's a what on it's way on where?
Huuuh! - Ahhhh!
- And I combined it with DNA from an alligator,
a honey badger, and a yak.
- Why would you do that?
- Charlotte dared me to.
[ gasps ]
- No I didn't!
- You're sick, Charlotte.
- So what would've happened
if he had eaten one of those... alien eggs?
- It would have grown in Jasper's tummy,
hatched, eaten its way out,
and left him with a nice, big hole right there...
[ Jasper's stomach growls ]
- He yells when you draw on him.
- Say, Schwoz...
if those things are so dangerous maybe you should have,
I don't know
LABELED THE JAR!
- I couldn't find the label maker.
- Did you look for it?
- No.
- Come on... I'll help you find it.
- Oh yay!
- Dare me to help you guys? - No!
- Jasper, the liquid surrounding those eggs is highly toxic.
You should probably go wash your hands.
- You daring me to wash my hands?
- What? - Fine, I'll do it!
You are crazy, Schwoz. Daring me to wash my hands.
You're so bad...
- But... I... didn't... dare--
- C'mon! - Ayyyyyyeeeee!
- Man. What is it about fighting the Burrito Brothers
that makes me stupid hungry?
- Stupid starving. - I mean, is it the name?
- I am stupid starving.
- Because right now I am the Spanish word for hungry.
For the Spanish word for food.
- I could literally eat a fully-grown Spanish person right now.
- Hold up, hold up, hold up... Are these lee-cheese?
- I think it's lie-cheese, dude. - You know, the fruit?
- Nah, lie-cheese. - That you can eat?
- You keep saying lee-cheese. It's lie-cheese.
- 'Cuz right now, I could eat a whole bunch of lee-cheese.
I'll get down with this whole jar of lee-cheese
while you sit there telling me something
I do not care about at all. - Okay, you know what?
I'm starving I'm eating a lie-chee.
- Wait! - What?
- This is a bad idea. - Why?
- Because, dude. You don't even know...
how good I am at catching food in my mouth.
- I am also very good at catching food in my mouth.
- Wellllll, I feel I'm probably a little bit better.
- Wellllll, you say that about everything
and you're almost always wrong.
- Oh yeah? You wanna go? - You wanna go?
- Let's do this thing. - Okay okay okay toss me one here we go.
- Alright, I'm ready. I'm ready!
- Alright alright alright alright alright here we go you ready?
Here it comes. My bad my bad.
- No prob no prob plenty of lee-cheese.
- Pronounced lie-cheese, though. - Agree to disagree-cheese.
It's a numbers game. Here we go.
There we go. We're getting close.
- I honestly thought we'd be a bit better at this.
- You thought we would've caught one by now.
- Yeah, well this is the last lie-chee so let's make it count.
- Alright, I'm ready for it. - This is the one.
I can feel it. - Just don't mess up the throw.
- Don't mess up the catch, dude, my throws are gold.
- Yeah. Fool's gold. - Whaaaat?
- What are you guys doing?! - Quiet, Charlotte.
I'm about to catch a lee-chee.
- Pronounced lie-chee. - Noooooo!
- Ohhhhh yeaaaaah!
- Daaah! You guys made me miss!
- My throw was sick.
- Wow that was close. - What was close?
- If you had eaten that, an alien would have--
- Aaaannnd I'm no longer listening.
Five second rule!
Ugh I always forget how much I hate lee-cheese.
- Ah me too, dude, they are gross.
- Those aren't lychees!
Can't you read the sign that I didn't put on the jar?!
- Those are alien eggs. - Huh?
- Those are alien eggs. - Huh?
- Those are alien eggs!
- Oh that's what I thought you said.
- Schwoz told us if you eat one,
it will grow and hatch inside your stomach.
- Schwoz, did I just get pregnant with an alien baby?
- We won't know for sure for a couple of days.
- We know for sure. You're pregnant.
Congratulations!
Yay...
- It all just kinda happened.
I wanted an after-school job.
But then, an indestructible superhero
hired me to be his sidekick. - Ah!
- Now we blow bubbles... and fight crime.
Feels good.
[ theme music ]
- Call it. - Up the tube!
- Aw, my boot! - Ha!
[ music ]
- I want this thing out of me!
It keeps kicking my bladder, I gotta pee every five minutes,
and I'm sick of it!
- Relax, it's only been a couple of days.
- Uh, excuse me, have you ever been pregnant?
- No. - Then maybe don't tell the pregnant man to relax.
- I'm sorry.
- What's this?
- It's pizza with peanut butter on it. Like you asked.
- I asked for Henry to bring me Chinese food!
- Yeah but when he didn't come back fast enough
you asked me to get pizza with peanut butter on it.
Then you threw your boot at me.
- Oh. - I'll go find Henry.
- Don't take my pizza away!
- Well you just said you didn't want it.
- I'll go find Henry.
CAPTAIN MAN: Soooo good...
- What are you guys-- - Shhhhhh!
We're hiding from Ray.
- The alien pregnancy is making him crazy.
SCHWOZ: And it's only going to get worse.
- Ww-aahh! Hello.
- What was that?! What was that noise?
- Shhh! - Shhh!
- Shhh! - Shhh!
- Shhh! - You need to get out there!
Ray's furious that you haven't come back
with his Chinese food yet. - That's why I'm hiding!
The Chinese place is out of the greasy food that Ray wants.
- Why? - There's a grease shortage.
- That's not a thing. - It is!
Scientists figured out how a way to turn restaurant grease
into expensive biofuel so now someone's stealing the grease
from every restaurant in Swellview.
- Grrr. Scientists are the worst.
- Right? - Disagree. - How dare you, sir?
- Instead of the greasy Chinese food Ray likes,
all I could get was this.
- A salad?! Ray's not gonna want to eat that!
- I know that's why I'm hiding in the elevator!
- Ahhh! - Ahhh!
- What are you guys doing in here?
- I found Henry! - Oh, yeah.
Byeeeeee!
- Oh, my Chinese food, finally.
- Okay, yeah, I don't want you to get mad but--
- I know, I know I've been so terrible lately.
I'm sorry. It's just this alien pregnancy...
is making me feel all the feelings
and I know you guys all hate me
but it's not my fault I'm trying my best--
WHAT IS THIS, HENRY?! I ASKED FOR FRIED FOOD!
- I know but-- see they were out of...
- CAN YOU NOT, CAN YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THAT?!
- I can understand that but someone's been stealing...
- I. WANT. REAL. CHINESE. FOOD.
- Yeah. - AND THIS PLACE IS A MESS!
- B'doop. Oohh, snap.
I just got a text from my pops.
- Nobody says "aww, snap" anymore.
- I still do. Anyway, peep this -- my dad is
building... a... roller skating rink...
in the back yard.
And I have to go help him... do that.
Soooo... Dude, I'm outtie five-thousand.
- Outtie five-thousand?
You always use outdated slang when you're lying to me.
- Pfft that's whack. Dude, I'm givin' you
the straight good-good here, homeskillet.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, Henry!
Rub my feeeeeeeet?
- I can't gotta bizzounce! Up the tube!
[ music ]
- ...mmhmm... mm-hmm... yeah...
like, fifty?
Wave. - Head nod.
- Wow... - Who are you talking to?
- One sec... No one.
- Hm?
- I'm pretending to be on the phone
so that dad doesn't ask me to help him in the backyard.
- What's he doing in the back yard?
- Blasting K-Pop and building a roller skating rink.
- Wait, is he really building a roller skating rink?
'Cuz I literally just made that up as an excuse
to get out of work. - Wow you really just made that up...
- I really did. - as an excuse to get out of work
that's so crazy. - Why are you making fun of me?
I'm just trying to communicate with my sister. I'm sorry.
- Hey, Henry!
- Piper, wanna come out back and--
- Uh... like, fifty?
- Ooh sorry, still on the phone.
Hey, Henry -- wanna come skate with me in the backyard?
- I can't believe you actually made a roller skating rink in the backyard.
- You better believe it home-skillet.
Now I just gotta learn how to dance on skates
and my mid-life crisis will be over.
- That makes me uncomfortable so I'm gonna change the subject.
- Please do.
- So uh, how did you deal with mom's mood swings when she was pregnant?
- Hmmm... As you know, that was back when I was a Navy Seal...
So I wasn't around much, which was tough on your mom,
but when I wasn't overseas, I would--
[ Henry's whiz watch goes off ]
- Uhhhhh hold up hold up hold up hold up.
I... gotta, I gotta go to work.
- I thought you just got back from work.
- I did... but...
- I don't get it. If you just came home from work
why do you have to turn around and go right back?
- I'll call you back.
- Because I uh...
- How's it goin' with the skating rink?
- It's goin'... "wheelie"-good.
- What a funny joke!
Bring me outside right now and show me the rink
so I can be very impressed!
- Okay!
- You're welcome.
- Hey, Henry. A couple thieves are stealing grease
from that restaurant where they fry everything.
- Fry Me A River?
- No, Grease On Earth. - Ah.
- You gotta go stop them. - Okay.
Is that Ray's salad?
- He didn't want it. And it's a good salad.
Y'know, whenever I eat healthier,
I just feel so much better about my--
- I said I didn't want that salad, Charlotte!
- I know. That's why I was eating it.
- This place is a mess!
Ooo! Is that a crouton?
- Whoa! Captain Man got double-c thick.
- For your information I'm not double-c thick,
I'm capital P-regnant. - You're pregnant?!
- He ate an alien egg, it's growing inside of him...
He's being kind of a gunch about the whole thing.
- What'd you just say about me? - Hmm?
- Grease heist. Clock ticking.
- Right. On my way.
- Alright, kid. I'll meet you ther--
Ahhhh!
- Oh, big guy, you okay?
- Ahh! My stomach's k*lling me.
I knew I shouldn't have eaten that stupid salad.
- You ate one floor crouton!
- It's not the floor crouton.
[ gasps ] You're in labor!
You're about to give alien birth!
- Gaahhh! Ahhh!
- This is amazing.
- Don't look at me!
- Charlotte, get some towels.
Jasper, put on some Cardi B.
We're having an alien baby!
- Sorry, kid, you're gonna have to handle those thieves by yourself.
- No problem. I got a great entrance line.
I'm gonna walk right up to them and say,
"You probably think you're so--"
- Daaahhhh! Ahhh!
YOU DID THIS TO ME!
- Garlic on the crouton!
- Okay, I'll say it when I get there.
I gotta run. - Yeah, just give me two minutes
and I'll be ready to go.
- Go where? - To Grease On Earth.
It's crime fightin' time!
- No no no no no no no no no. No.
- Captain Man's having an alien baby.
You need my help. - No I do not.
I need you to stay here and cover for me.
- But I have this great idea for a crimefighting character.
- You're not coming, Piper.
- I got this viking helmet, these roller skates,
and this dope hoodie that says, "Rollin' Thunder."
Guess what I'm gonna call myself?
- I'm absolutely not gonna guess what you're gonna call--
- "Rollllllinnnn' Thunderrrrr!"
- I need you to stayyyyyy herrrrre.
- Ugh, fiiiiine. - Okay? Promise me?
- Cross my hizzy, hope to dizzy.
- Hizzy? That's outdated slang.
You're lying, aren't you? - Yeah.
- You know what, fine you can come.
- Let's hit the bricks, doll. - Now you're lying.
- Yup. Love you byyeeee! - Oh come o--
- Yup. Yeahhhhh.
- Alright that's enough grease. We gotta get outta here.
- Hey, we can't leave yet, we got five more barrels to steal.
- You're goin' too far, Terbert! You're takin' too many risks!
- We just need this one last grease heist
and we finally got us enough money to go to medical school.
- I don't know... - C'mon, Freddie.
I mean that's why we started stealing grease to begin with--
to save lives. C'mon.
- You guys must think you're pretty slick.
- What? - Yeah what?
- I said... You guys must think you're
pretty slick!
- We don't get it. - Are we missing something?
- "Pretty slick." Because you're stealing grease?
Grease is notoriously slick.
So... yeah.
Maybe you'd care to reevaluate my wordplay.
- Where's Captain Man?
- He's giving birth.
- What? - Yeah what?
- I said he's giving birth! To an alien baby.
But right now, I'm about to deliver
some justice to you guys.
That's right. More wordplay.
- ROOOOOOOLLLINNNNNN' THUNDERRRRRRR!
- Awwwwww, n--
- Thanks. Now they're armed.
- I still got my bat.
[ giggles ]
- Okay, now I don't know what to do.
- C'mon. - I want this thing out of me!
I want my body back! - Okay?
- This is not okay! Do you hear me?!
- Stop yelling... - None of this is okay!
- Hit Schwoz. - Fine I'll hit Schwoz.
Ah, ah! Can't you guys give me anything for the pain?!
- We tried!
Your densitized skin bent every needle in the Man Cave.
- Hey I got the gummy-worm cheeseburger you wanted.
- Oh, thank you, my sweet boy.
- Oh you can't eat that!
- Noooooo! Wwwwwhhhhhyyyy?!
- Because, normally this alien baby
would burst out of your stomach.
But since you're indestructible...
there's only two ways for it to exit out of your body.
I'm guessing it will come out of your mouth.
- But... what if it doesn't come out of his mouth?
- Welllll..... - I'm outta here.
- No, Charlotte, Charlotte, please don't leave me
you're the only normal one here!
- Yeah. That's why I'm leaving!
- No, no! Pleeeeease, I'll give you a raise.
I'll give you the Man-Copter. I'll give you whatever you want!
Just tell me what you want and I'll give it to you!
- I'll take a raise. - Done!
- I'm outta here too.
- See ya.
- Okay fine. I'll stay.
- Ahh!
Schwoz, you gotta get this thing out of me.
I gotta go help Henry! He could be in trouble...
- I'm sure he's fine.
Now open your mouth and say "ahh".
- Ahhhhhhh!!! - Good!
- and then, after we go to medical school
and, of course, complete a two to four year residency program.
- Depending on our area of specialization.
- That's correct.
After that we start our own practice...
[ groans ]
- Shut uuuuuup!
Do bad guys always talk this much?
- Usually, yeah. But most of the time people don't see this part.
- I'm sorry, are we boring you with this incredibly detailed
explanation of our ten-year plan?
- Yes! Zap us or let us go!
- I vote no zapping.
- Either way just stop talking!
- We could get some salads. Eating healthy feels good.
- No! Okay you are gonna hear our plan
on streamlining the billing process for medical insurance,
so strap in sweetheart-- - Oh my god, I can't take this.
Roller KICK! Ahhh!
- What are you doing?!
- I'm trying to kick the laser out of his hand!
- That's not gonna work! - Yes it will! I'm helping!
- If you want to kick a laser out of a guy's hand,
you gotta go like this!
- Rollllllllin' barrrrrellllll!
Sorry, I thought that would help.
- Stop helping! - Okay, I'll stop.
- Are you lying? - Yes.
- That's it.
- Wow. That was really impressive.
- I know.
- Raaaaaaaaaainin' thunderrrrrrrr!
- You've got to be kidding me--
- Come on Terbert, let's get out of here.
- But all that valuable grease!
- Leave it! We'll go to dental school!
- Ahhh!
- Well, you can't win 'em all.
- Actually you can and we usually do.
- Oh, I get it. Never give up.
Let's go chase those guys!
- No! - I am having so much fun.
- Piper! I'm going to chase those guys.
Okay? You're going home.
- Oh come on! - Just go home. Okay?
I will handle this.
- Okay fine, I'll bounce back to the crib.
- Bounce back to the crib... You're lying again.
- I sure am!
ROLLLLLLLLIN' THUNDERRRRRR!
- No...what are you... you can't just...
Where are you going? Piper!
You can't just... no no no no!
- Uhhh! Ahhh! - I see one of the baby's arms!
Only eleven more to go!
- Oh come on!
- Just get it out of him, Schwoz!
- Yeah, I want to see an alien baby!
- It's stuck! I can't get it out!
- Pull harder! - Yeah!
- Come over and help me! - No!
- Okay, fine.
I have another idea.
Hold on to your lychees.
- It's pronounced "lie-cheese."
[ Jasper and Charlotte scream ]
- Ohhh, it's so cute.
- And I am oohhh-kay.
- I got Chinese food!
- Oh yes, I'm starving! - I could eat.
- Me too.
- Whoa. What's on Jasper's face?
- That is my son.
- Aw, congrats.
- I think it's a girl.
- That is my daughter.
- Aw, congrats.
05x25 - Captain Mom
Watch/Buy Amazon Merchandise
After school, Henry becomes Kid Danger: Captain Man's superhero sidekick.
After school, Henry becomes Kid Danger: Captain Man's superhero sidekick.