05x35 - Remember the Crimes

[bunniefuu]

foreign

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the one from the blueprints brain Henry

got from all those bad guys in no man's

land yes the one that can take away

Rey's superpower that same why would you

build

because Ray told me I couldn't and I

hate it when people tell me I can't do

something I thought he said you

shouldn't build it yeah well he

shouldn't pinch my cheeks and steal my

cereal every morning but I guess we all

do things we shouldn't do

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see turkey legs just makes me feel more

manly see that's how I feel about

grilled cheese what oh hey schwas give

me some of that cereal no

what

are you building the Omega w*apon again

yes the one that could take Rey's

superpower the same why do you keep

building that well why do you keep

pinching my cheeks and stealing my

cereal every morning because you're so

cute when you get mad now give me some

of that sweet booty crunch

stop everybody stop

oh look he's so cute look at his face

I'm not cute you're cute we're all cute

okay we're all cute

wait why are you and Henry both dressed

like half a ghost oh

these are togas we are fighting the time

Drinker yeah chased them all the way to

ancient Rome it's some pretty good food

there oh nice we watched a bear fight a

flock of turkeys yes we did it the

turkey's actually won

stumbled across some pretty good statues

all right you can all roll your eyes and

groan now

when the city of swellview finally

builds me my own statue of captain man

we will roll our eyes and groan harder

yes exactly so considering everything

I've done for this city it's the least

they could do for me you already have

your own holiday they just opened

Captain Man Stadium there are streets

named after you which makes driving very

confusing right now

anyway capture the time jerker we took

his new time Ray he built

the same way any Dark Matter fluctuator

does you just point and sh**t I don't

mean this

uh to uh right about now

did you guys keep it down I'm sleep

learning

learning what are you talking about

learn to fight while you sleep

and also Spanish

it's a 100 Hour audiobook that teaches

you to fight while you sleep those books

don't work yeah they do and I want to

learn to fight so I go on a mission with

you and Ray before I head off to college

well I think you've got plenty of time

Jasper because we don't graduate high

school for another year right guys

right

guys does he not know

not know what

I was gonna tell him tell me what you

tell him uh I can't I'm just learning

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okay what's going on

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Henry

we're graduating this week

what

we did it guys

okay this is just sad

Henry

we are graduating from high school

but you aren't hmm

but you aren't hmm

I know you can hear me

you're just using our thing as a defense

mechanism

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it all just kind of happened I wanted an

after school job but then an

indestructible superhero hired me to be

his sidekick

oh we blow bubbles and fight crime feels

good

foreign

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what do you mean I'm not graduating how

could I not be graduating you've missed

too much class fighting crime over the

years you don't have enough credits to

graduate I mean honestly when was the

last time you were at school the other

day when I broke my arm and Rain Schwabs

came in with the trebuchet

ago what

can anyone tell me I'm not graduating

school's been sending you warning

letters every week for a year did you

open any well I just tossed them aside

because I assume they're bad news

well good news you still have

Perfect Teeth yes thank you Charlotte my

teeth are great but also are you about

to move away and go to college yeah I'm

leaving for dystopia the day after we

graduate you're going to college in

dystopia no that place is a crime

written toilet and it's on the other

side of the world I know you can speak

dystopian when did you learn this how

much have I missed I'm taking a gap year

to run a charity in dystopia after that

I'm going to Harvard what about Jasper

is he going to dystopia too uh no he got

into Harvard which sounds like Harvard

but is a very different School hey you

gotta roll are we all packed up for one

night in the desert yeah you load up

your car and I'll wake up Jasper whoa

whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa One

Night in the desert is an all-night

party for graduating seniors only I'm

graduating too huh going to Florida

State don't start

you're my younger sister how could you

be graduating already I did bad things

spent a lot of time in summer school

ended up earning enough extra credits to

graduate early news

Ray I got a big problem here I'm

thinking of time Henry okay

prom song

want your deal

my deal is that everyone's graduating

from high school except me so you'll

need to graduate from high school to be

a sidekick I don't want to be a psychic

for the rest of my life and you won't be

you can take over and be a full-on

superhero when I retire in 30 years

30 years

okay you got me more like 40 years I'm

in fantastic shape I don't want to be

stuck in swellview being a sidekick for

the rest of my life

oh I'm sorry I didn't realize you were

stuck and swellview with me

I I guess I didn't realize it either

I've been too busy down in the man cave

for six years answering emergency calls

to call C I'll answer it let's go to

emergency voicemail

Henry and I aren't done here yet

emergency voicemail is full

really yeah remember that girl Mika who

saved you when Jack fertileman trapped

you inside that escape room uh we saved

her but yes

well she leaves about 10 messages a day

asking if she can help you guys fight

crime

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here if you need me here if you need me

hey this is Mom can you call my sister

back she's losing her okay I don't know

what miles told you this is a vice mayor

oh oh that's probably about my statue

press play Press Play I you and Kid

Danger to come to my office right away

you hear that

you just said he's gonna give you my

statue

he didn't say a single word about a

statue what else could it be about

literally anything

release release

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maybe I can talk to the vice mayor and

you can pull some strings and let me

graduate or something no no no no no no

no Henry no no no no why no the vice

Marilyn grants One Wish per meeting okay

so if anyone's gonna be rubbing his

little belly and getting worse granted

it's gonna be this guy who's Henry

uh

um

okay

come back coming back

where's the best mirror on vacation with

my mom what

he told me to play this for you when you

get here

get danger Captain Man captain man

whatever I'm the vice mayor not the

recorded twice mayor I'm just gonna keep

going fellas this year is Bose hey

Captain Man and Kid Danger hey future

Bose hey bass bows that's me I marry

Bose's mom yesterday which means I get

to go on vacation

with her not with bows so he's your

responsibility now what watch him feed

him change his diapers whatever I'll be

back in two days his b*mb assures me

that she'll know if you try and swap

mile for another kid try that dang it if

you keep him safe and mostly unharmed

there might just be a statue of you in

your future if you know what I'm saying

and what I'm saying is I'll give you a

statue

see you in two days now turn this thing

off or look away

unless you want to see me in the tiniest

Beach legal swimsuit in the world

come on buddy dude no we can't just take

this kid back to the man cave

so we just uh find some excuse to dump

him with Jasper shiper

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Charlotte I feel like you could have

cats have the bag you know someone named

Charlie great can't wait to meet her

Jasper schaiper and Henry let's go dude

no we can't stick this kid with any of

those people because they're all one

night in the desert even Schreiber yes

she's graduating already the four shoe

she's graduating before she works she

took a lot of summer school and I can't

stinking believe this is happening to me

careful you could have severely injured

by chances of getting a statue

I wait all year for one night in the

desert and we get a sandstorm well at

least we still got this cave all to

ourselves and we're still graduating

tomorrow

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you doing in that sand Bank just trying

to find a place to learn to fight while

I sleep and also Spanish but people keep

waking me up

hey man I was here first

you are not even graduating I'm crashing

One Night in the desert okay

started High School 10 years ago I'm not

waiting another three to graduate

I was never here

you know what's your problem shape then

you haven't even graduated yet only

because the system's biased against dumb

people hey be quiet I'm trying to learn

do you want to find a different cave yes

teacher

Albert Einstein LeBron James the Polk

what now these people graduated from

high school

positive all those people who graduated

from high school

oh my God is that my statue

oh wow I thought it'd be bigger shut up

I don't care just open the crate I want

to see my statue there's no statue

inside huh well then what is this thing

whoa is this the man cave

who's that oh this is Bose he's the vice

mayor's stepson we gotta watch him for a

couple days

who's this guy shiper Jasper oh no

that's uh

wow I did it again

nice to meet schwoz and I want to dig up

a memory wiper

honey what is the memory wiper do oh I

might not need it right that's right

okay

wait wait which was

what is this thing is for the meeting

Kid Danger set up with the mayor of

Naperville

oh no

no what kind of meeting

not today he's been recruited to be a

superhero

for a Naperville

go get the memory wiper schwas let me

know if you take the job okay

oh yeah

listen uh

I can uh I can explain

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in the man cave captain man was upset to

find out that kid danger set up a

meeting to be recruited by the mayor of

Naperville schwaz was off finding the

memory wiper whatever that is

Bose is a little hungry let's see what

happens

sorry I watched a lot of TV

so how long you've been uh thinking

about leaving me look I'm not trying to

leave you okay look I don't even want

the neighborhood yeah what's this crate

doing here the mayor won't stop calling

me okay so I thought I'd just let him

come here and make his case and then I'd

say no and he'd never ask again yeah

okay yeah well then uh hey let's hear

his pitch I mean if it's from neighbor

bill it's probably lame

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[Applause]

you're shut your little mouth

[Applause]

and finally

what would you say to having your very

own

that's right

you know maybe you should take the job

Henry who's Henry dang it

Tim

where's that memory schwaz

I don't want the job

oh really because I'm starting to

question your commitment to swellview my

commitment to swelling are you kidding

me well you don't seem very committed to

me I'm not graduating from high school

because of how committed I am to this

job oh my friends are leaving I'm stuck

here and swelled you being a sidekick

and saving lives exactly I'll be too

busy saving everyone else's life forgot

to have one of my own you've sworn oath

to defend this city when I was 13. so so

maybe I don't want to do it anymore yeah

because you're obviously terrified to be

stuck here and swells you with me yeah

Ray I am who's ready dang it I think

it's that guy where's that dig deck

memory wiper schwas I don't want to be

your sidekick for another 30 or 40 or 50

years but man that was always a plan

you'd be my sidekick and then you take

over as Captain Man when I retire I

don't want to be captain man okay I

don't ever want to be captain man I will

never ever be Captain Man

it's right there

why are you even here

that's a good question

what are you doing

quitting

hey everyone

I'm Henry Hart

and I used to be kid danger

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and Ray what

I'm taller than you

sir

there there there there there

you are young man honestly Mom I'm not

in the mood right now I just gotten a

huge fight with my boss and I don't even

know if I'm gonna go into failure

okay it's a little harsh your father and

I were snooping in your room and we

found your letters put letters

graduating from high school

advice that is a failure okay listen um

how are you failing all of your classes

what have you been doing with your life

I'll tell you nothing oh well actually

we've been doing nothing because he's a

failure you want to know what I've been

doing my life dad

I'll tell you what I've been doing

saving this town

that's right I'm kid danger

so her son's a liar now too

why would

why would I fly stop it Henry I really

am to Danger here I'll prove it to you

oh okay look I don't I don't have my gum

balls because I just quit but if I

didn't just quit

so you entered out dude

well technically yes but I didn't know

that I was gonna

all right

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if you're looking for Kid Danger I

actually just quit

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okay almost done biting everyone's

memories

just wanted to say you did a great job

of wiping everyone else's memories oh

thank you or maybe this time you could

find it in your heart to just let me go

ah get out of here bless you sir

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oh what a cutie

what you doing

buying a school

fish

that's a good idea I'm gonna ride him

and race him

no it's a it's a skull for people

good idea you're gonna ride him racing

no

I'm buying a fake school so that when

Henry comes crawling back in begging me

for his job okay one last memory to buy

won't take long not a whole lot going on

in the old um

rain

no

Ed

no

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what was the first one

brain

no

wait a minute hang on hang on

I'm gonna get my statue I gotta return

this kid like I found him sitting down

on it

foreign

would it be to alter the memory wiper so

only erases specific memories like only

memories that involve me or things that

I've said or done yeah there is a

setting right here

I'm sorry what

it's easy I can adjust this setting and

it will only Vibe the memories of you

then why haven't we been doing that this

whole time schwoz

because he's so funny

oh no I don't know who I am I've lost

all knowledge of my life and the people

who love me that's true it's so funny

but in his case maybe just wipe his

memories of me

got it

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remember me

foreign

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foreign

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thank you

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foreign

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if not Uncle nonsense be something you

wish

ready

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