07x02 - Doug's Older Woman

[bunniefuu]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop ♪

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boo-doo-bop ♪

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop ♪

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boo-doo-bop ♪

[whistling]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop ♪

[chattering]

-[chuckling]
-Pfft.

[growling]

[screaming]

[yelping]

[whistling]

[indistinct talking]

[screaming]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop du-bop ♪

[Doug] Dear Journal,
with only a month to go

till the Rudolph Bluff Memorial
Bike Rally and Bean Bake-off,

I was determined

to get into the best
bicycle-riding shape ever.

Come on, Doug!

Skeeter, that's it!

Work those pedals!

It's all downhill from here!

[Doug] It was probably the best chance

I'd ever have to impress Patti.

I may not be a super jock,

but one thing I knew
I could do is ride a bike.

This year, our team was
gonna win the relay race,

and Roger Klotz's team could eat dust.

Faster...

Stronger...

Farther.

[announcer] And the race goes to...

Patti's pedal pushers!

Thank you, Mayor Dink,

but the trophy should really go to Doug.

We couldn't have done it without him.

He really carried the team.

Doug, you are so cycley!

[cheering] Doug! Doug! Doug!
Doug! Doug! Doug!

-Wow.
-[Skeeter] Doug!

[Patti] Doug!

Aah!

[crash]

[whistling]

Whoa-ohh!

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop du-bop ♪

I still can't believe you ran into a tree.

What ever were you thinking of, dear?

Well, you know, the race.

I will be able to ride
in the race, won't I?

Yeah, can he, Doc?

'Cause, see, I'm the team alternate,

and if Doug doesn't ride, I'll have to,

and I'm slower than Christmas.

Well, the break seems
to have healed properly.

Hmm. How does the ankle feel, Douglas?

Great.

Whoo-hoo!

Now all I gotta do
is get my bike back in shape.

[knocking]

Wrench.

-[barking]
-Thanks, Porkchop.

Hey, how's the ankle, Doug?

[sighs]

Better than my bike.

Well, the important thing
about sports injuries

is to not let the muscles get weak.

Exercise keeps you healthy.

[sighs]

Patti's right.

Ah-Ah-choo!

Gesundheit, man.

Uhh... must be allergic to something.

Well, we've gotta keep training.

Yeah. Patti's trying to whip me
into shape.

You know, just in case I'm needed, heh.

It's not working.

Come on, Skeeter!
We gotta get to your speed work.

[sighs] Oh, man!

I've got blisters on my blisters.

Well, later.

Yeah... later.

[arf]

[humming]

Douglas, my boy!

Hi, Mr. Dink.

Couldn't help noticing you're working

on your bicycle. [laughs]

You know, I have several
bicycles myself, mm-hmm, haha,

including a gel-filled, titanium

thirty-speed stump hopper.

Only weighs six ounces.

I didn't know you rode, Mr. Dink.

Ride it? Oh, no, Douglas. [laughing]

It's only six ounces.

It would snap like a twig. [laughs]

[grr]

By the way, Douglas,

what's wrong with your bicycle?

I had an accident.

Oh, hmm.

Well, the most important
thing after a fall,

Douglas, my boy,

is to get right back on.

Don't you think I should fix it first?

Oh, of course.

Goes without saying.

But what I mean is that if you don't face

what you're afraid of immediately,
Douglas,

it gets bigger and bigger

until just thinking about it

turns you into a quivering mass of fear!

Really? Does that happen?

Oh, constantly!

Why, I once had
a friend who was afraid of beans.

Beans? You mean like lima beans?

Limas? Where?

Aah!

Oh, ha-- Sorry.

Now, where was I?

Oh, yes.

My friend who was afraid of beans.

It all started innocently enough,

when his uncle returned from a trip

with a surprise.

Look what I brought for you, little bud!

[chuckling]

Oh, wow.

It looks very expensive.

[Mr. Dink] It was jumping beans.

And, oh, how they could jump.

Ohh!

Those beans were alive!

And evil!

My friend knew it was
either him or the beans.

Aah! Aah! Aah!

Since that day,

my friend has been

terrified of any and all beans.

-Any beans?
-Yes.

-You mean like garbanzos?
-Yes.

-Mung?
-Yes!

Pork and?

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Oh, anyway, Douglas,

the moral of the story is perfectly clear.

If you don't get right back on,

you'll never ride a bean again.

I thought we were talking about bikes.

Exactly!

You'll never eat a bicycle again.

Wow! Great job, Porkchop.

Thanks. Now for a test ride.

Imagine...

Afraid of beans.

Uhh...

Aah!

[crash]

Heh heh heh!

Hey, Funnie, you gonna
ride that piece of junk

or just stand there?

Ha ha ha!

-Look like a statue, Funnie!
-[all laugh]

Huh?

Oh, uh...

Face it. You don't have a chance.

My team will ride rings around your team

just like last year!

Oh, yeah?

We'll just see what happens on race day.

Why wait?

Let's race right now!

I can't. Well, at least not right now.

What's the matter, Funnie? Afraid?

[echoing] Afraid?

Afraid?

Ha ha ha ha!

This is ridiculous.

Imagine not being able to ride a bike.

I can do it.

I've done it most of my life.

[straining]

[grunting]

Grrr!

[sighs]

Maybe I' ll go for a ride after dinner.

I mean, who wants to go riding

when they're practically starving?

Right after I eat, I'm a cycling fool...

Unless I should do my homework.

Homework's important.

I'll ride right after I do my homework.

Of course... I did want to watch
a little Dr. Cop on TV.

OK, so I walked my bike
all the way to school.

I'll ride it when I go home from school.

I know I will.

Hey, Doug!

We didn't see you back there.

Hey, Patti. Hey, Skeeter. Hey, Chalky.

I took a different way to school.

You must've had a good workout.

You look like you walked the whole way.

Ha ha ha! Walk!

What a funny thing to say.

I mean, what kind of a loon would walk

when they've got a perfectly good bicycle,
heh, heh?

Ah-choo!

Gee, man, you sure sound

like you're coming down with something.

[blows nose]

Don't worry.

I won't let a little cold
keep me out of the race.

That's the spirit!

We need everybody on the team
to give 100%!

I'll do it. I'll do it for Patti.

I'll do it for the team.

I'll do it...

Uh, right after school.

We'll call it a sports edition extra.

Now ask yourself,

why do people go to watch races?

-To see who wins?
-No

For the crashes.

Maybe we'll have

-a big wreck during the race.
-Uh...

Maybe even a 20-bike pileup!

Gee, wouldn't somebody get hurt?

Journalism isn't always pretty, Doug.

Hmm...

[screech]

-[screeching]
-Huh!

Watch out for that... tree!

Afraid...

Acting like a baby...

Baby...

Baby... baby... baby...

[clicking]

[growling]

The bikey man!

Grrrr! Aah!

[gasp]

[clicking]

That sound.

[clicking]

Skeeter?

Neat sound, huh, man?

Slows me down, but I thought it'd give me

a psychological edge over the competition.

Come on! We'll go for a practice ride.

I-I can't, man.

I-I think I maybe need to run
some errands for my mom.

Why, Douglas, how sweet of you to offer.

I could use some more beans

for my entry in the Bean Bake-Off.

Would you ride your bike
to the grocery store

and pick some up for me?

My bike?

Sure, Mom.

[footsteps]

Maybe if I tried hypnosis.

Hypnosis?

You know my friend who was afraid of beans

tried hypnosis.

Very expensive.

Did it work?

Not a lick.

But I found--

I mean, my friend found--

When all else fails,

try thinking positive.

Just keep telling yourself

that you're bigger than beans--

Uh, bikes.

I'll do it. I'll think positive.

Ohh!

Beans!

Bunches of 'em!

[Doug] I was beginning to think

that Mr. Dink's friend...

was Mr. Dink.

He's had to live his whole
life afraid of beans.

Well, it's not gonna happen to me!

All I gotta do
is picture myself on my bike

and think positive.

I can do it!

I'm not afraid anymore!

[cheering]

Doug! Doug! Doug! Doug! Yay!

[screaming]

[all screaming]

Head for the hills!

Aah!

Wow.

Thinking positive is a lot
harder than I thought.

And then came the day I was dreading--

The day of the race.

You know, Doug, I was worried
that after your accident,

you might be afraid to start riding again,

but you got right back on.

I'm proud of you, Mister.

We'll all be cheering for you, Douglas.

[grunts]

Ready to go, Doug?

I thought we could all ride together.

Ah-ah-choo!

Chalky sounds awful.

It's a good thing
you're riding with us, Doug.

We're really counting on you.

[gulp] Great.

See you at the race, son.

Yeah, see ya... later.

[thinking] I can do this.
I can do this. I can...

Grrr!

Bikey man!

Grrrr!

I... I can't do this.

I can't ride in the race today.

Huh? What?

Ah... Ah...

Ah-choo!

What do you mean,
you can't ride in the race today?

We need you.

It's... It's my ankle.

It's acting up again.

Wasn't it your other ankle?

Ah... Ah... Ah-choo!

sh**ting pains.

They, uh, kind of sh**t

from one ankle to the other.

Gee, sorry, man.

Didn't know it was that bad.

I didn't, either.

I'm sorry, Doug.

It was very brave of you
to keep practicing,

even when you were in pain.

Oh, we'll just have to do
the best we can without you.

Oh, man.

Are you sure you want to do this, bud?

If I don't do it now, I'll never do it.

I've got to be brave!

I'm bigger than beans.

I'm bigger than beans.

I'm bigger than beans.

[sniffing]

What is that smell?

Beans, dear.

Aah!

How insidious!

Who would've thought something so evil

could smell so... good!

[over P.A.] Uh... testing,
testing, one, two, three.

Vote for me.

It won't be long now.

Making their last-minute preparations

for the relay race
are this year's challengers

Team Sleech...

Your solar-powered bike
is a true breakthrough, Al.

A technology whose time has come, Moo.

Bailey's Butlers...

[cheering]

Patti's Pedal Pushers...

Ah...

Ah-choo!

And last year's winners--

Roger's Derailleurs.

Hey, Patti, where's Funnie?

Prepare to eat my dust... Again!

Ah ha ha ha!

All right, racers,
On your mark, get set...

Bang!

[cheering]

And they're off!

Each team member will ride one leg

in this exciting relay race.

[over P.A.] Patti's Pedal Pushers
take an early lead.

Oh, here comes Team Sleech.

The bean is my friend.

The bean is my friend.

The bean is my friend.

Why...

These are delicious!

I can't believe these are so great!

I never knew

the world of joy within beans!

[Doug] I felt awful letting the team down.

If Mr. Dink had the courage
to face his fear,

why couldn't I?

Of course, I was afraid
of pain and injury.

Mr. Dink was afraid of beans.

[voice over P.A] Team Sleech pulls ahead
of Patti's Pedal Pushers

-to take the lead after one lap.
-[cheering]

-Yes!
-Yes!

Team Sleech's robot bike takes the lead...

With Patti's Pedal Pushers a close second.

Go, Skeeter, go!

[over P.A.] But Roger's Derailleurs
are moving up fast.

The young persons are
lining up for the last lap.

[Doug] Chalky was giving a 100%
with a 102 fever.

Ah... ah... ah...

Ah-choo!

-Ohh!
-I...

I can do it.

I can ride.

Ah-choo!

[crash]

So there it was--

Mr. Dink faced his fear,

and Chalky was giving it his all,

and I couldn't even get on my bike.

I felt lower than dirt.

Doug, are you OK?

No. No, I'm not.

Look, I-I...

Patti,

there's nothing wrong with my ankle.

There isn't?

Then why...

It's just... Well,

ever since my accident,

I've been kind of scared
to get back on my bike.

Oh. Well, I don't blame you.

That was a pretty bad accident.

You know, it takes a lot of courage
to get back on.

But don't worry.

You're still part of the team.

[Chalky] Ah-choo!

Can't... let... team... down.

Ah-choo!

Hey, Chalky, it's OK.

I'll finish for you.

[over P.A.] And that ends lap two.

Team Sleech is in the lead...

With Roger's Derailleurs
hot on their heels,

and bringing up the rear
is Patti's Pedal Pushers,

now handing off to Doug Funnie.

Ohh!

Grrrr!

I... am...

bigger than bikey man.

Bigger than bikey man.

Whoa!

Gotcha!

Ride like a banshee wind, man!

Faster...

Stronger...

Farther.

[ over P.A.] Young person Funnie
blasts by Bailey's Butlers,

and it looks like he's
gaining on Roger's Derailleurs.

No way you're b*ating me, Funnie.

Whoa!

Hey, you big cheater!

Ah, sue me.

It's just like last year, Funnie.

You're a loser.

[quack quack]

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Aah!

Ohh!

Funnie is making his move
for Patti's Pedal Pushers.

Only Team Sleech's solar-powered
bike stands

in the way.

Faster...

Stronger...

-[beeping]
-[over P.A.] What's this?

Clouds are blocking the solar energy.

Oh, heckuba.

Shade is my doom.

Anyone got a flashlight?

[over P.A.] Patti's Pedal Pushers

take the lead down the stretch...

And Funnie wins for Patti's Pedal Pushers!

-Yay!
-All right!

You did it, man! Way to go, Doug!

Yippee!

That's my boy!

Attaboy!

We won! We won!

Whoa!

Ha ha ha!

Whoo-hoo!

Doug! Doug! Doug! Doug!

Doug! Doug! Doug! Doug! Doug! Doug!

[Doug] So, Journal,

today was a pretty great day.

We won the bike race,

and Mom was named Bean Queen.

[over P.A.]
♪ She's the queen of beans ♪

♪ Hickory, smoked, refried, or stewed ♪

♪ She's the queen of that king of foods ♪

♪ She's the queen of beans ♪

[Doug] Mr. Dink's not afraid
of beans anymore.

And I learned that if you fall off,

you just have to get right back on.

[theme music playing]