07x08 - Quailman Takes the Blame

[bunniefuu]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop ♪

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boo-doo-bop ♪

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop ♪

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boo-doo-bop ♪

[whistling]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop ♪

[chattering]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boo-doo-bop ♪

-[chuckling]
-Pfft.

[growling]

[screaming]

[yelping]

[whistling]

[indistinct talking]

[screaming]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop du-bop ♪

[Doug] Dear Journal,

I should've known something big was up

when the school announced
a special assembly,

but I had my mind on something else.

Skeeter and I had to decide what to do
for our joint project for civics class.

It's worth a quarter of our grade.

How about we build a model of
the Capitol Building out of sugar cubes?

Hmm.

Nothing impresses teachers
like little buildings made out of food.

Naw. I wanna do something special.

How about the courthouse
out of mashed potatoes?

This is a project for civics class.

It should be about the Constitution
or democracy or something.

You mean rights and liberties
like freedom of speech and--

Pipe down, people!

Hush up! If I don't hear absolute quiet,

we'll just continue this whole assembly
in detention.

It's now my honor to introduce
the leader of our fair school,

what a leader he is,

Principal Ex-Mayor White.

[applauding]

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

That's enough, Lamar.

Now, you all know I'm a straight sh**t,

a no-nonsense kind of guy.

The kind of guy who'd look
any citizen right in the eye.

So in that spirit,

I thought I'd share with you
a little change we'll be making:

Mandatory school uniforms.

[students gasping]

Oh, man!

That's me.

[Doug] Principal White's announcement
of mandatory school uniforms

hit the students like a wet blanket.

Everybody was upset, especially...

Uniforms? That's the lamest idea
I ever heard!

If we all dress alike,

how are you gonna tell us rich kids
from the losers?

Yeah. Who would want to live in a world
where we're all seen as equals?

It's undemocratic!

I, too, am having hostility for uniforms.

There is a dark chapter
in Yakkestonian history.

When everyone was forced to dress
in cheer-making uniforms

with pompoms,

which led to the overthrow
of our happy government.

Mmm. I don't know.
Uniforms might not be so bad.

My cousin wears a uniform every day,
and he likes it.

Skeet, your cousin drives
an ice cream truck.

No. My other cousin Tater.

He says school uniforms make it easy
to get dressed in the morning

and kids don't have to spend lots of money
to keep up with fashion,

and they might even help
cut down on gangs.

Wow, Skeeter. That makes sense.

I don't wanna hear it!

Nothing is gonna tell me how to dress,

except peer pressure
and trendy advertising!

This is an outrage!
We have to do something.

Uniforms represent a violation
of our most basic right.

Yeah! The right to flaunt it
if you got it!

No! Freedom of expression.

It's the foundation of our democracy.

The basic right of every individual
to wear what they please.

Gee, that make sense, too.

Yeah... I guess.

We can't take this lying down!

Let's show Principal White how we feel!

We'll get every kid in school
to sign a petition

saying they don't wanna wear uniforms!

Come on!

Yeah! We'll show 'em!
What do they think we are, losers?

[angry chatter]

Sally's right. Come on.
Let's give her a hand.

I would, but Skeet and I
still have to figure out

what to do for civics class.

Standing up for your rights
is what civics is all about.

I'm gonna help.

Too bad we can't pass around petitions
for our assignment.

I still say we should make
something out of food.

Hey! What if we borrow a video camera

and follow Sally and the others
while they pass out petitions?

It'll be like a news report, like on TV.

Hey, yeah! And we shake the camera a lot
like they do in the news.

We'll zoom in and out,
and we could sh**t in black and white...

-Just 'cause it's cool.
-Yeah.

And if that doesn't work,
we can always build City Hall

out of cocktail weenies
and aerosol cheese.

[indistinct chatter]

What, do I gotta spell it out for ya?

Petition! P-E-T-I... Uh, shun. Yeah!

Doug and Skeeter's Report on SPUD,
scene one, take one.

Action.

You're a spud?

That's a potato, isn't it?

No, sir. We are SPUD

Students Protesting the Uniform Decision.

We'd like to present you
with these petitions, which represent--

Well, now, this is exactly
what I like to see.

Nothing is as inspiring

as students getting involved
with school policy.

I tell you, it's young people like you

that give us all hope
for a brighter tomorrow.

That and the knowledge
that I'll someday soon be mayor again.

Now, I want to encourage you all
to keep striving for your goals.

Reach for the stars. Never give up!

[Sally] But our petitions!

And remember, my door is always open.

Anti-uniform petitions, huh?

Well, we have a special way

of dealing with papers
as important as this.

We just pop 'em right
in the ol' suggestion box. [laughs]

[gasps] But you can't just throw--

Oh, yes, I can, Miss Petition Passer!

And you all better watch your Ps and Qs!

There's no place in this school
for radicals or troublemakers!

I'll be keeping an eye on you people.

Protest! Protest!

It's time to stage a protest!

Principal White and Mr. Bone
won't even listen!

They're ignoring us!

And we won't be ignored!

We will be heard!

-Yay! Yeah! Come on, Sally!
-[students cheering]

Cool angle.

Just like Targetman Six.

We will protest!

[students] Yay!

-That's right! Protest! Protest!
-[students] Protest! Protest!

Protest! Protest!

Once more into the breach, dear friends!
Once more!

[students] Hooray! Hooray!

Protest! Protest!
Protest! Protest! Protest! Protest!

Protest! Protest!

Protest! Protest!

Tomorrow morning
we meet on the front steps.

We'll make Principal White listen
because we will protest!

Oh, yeah, Miss Agitator?

Protest? Protest?

Not on Lamar Bone's watch.

Big protest tomorrow morning.

Be there! Show your support.

[whispering] Patti, we have to talk.

Sally, what happened to your voice.

It's gone. I guess I'm not used
to yelling so much.

I was going to give the big speech
at the protest tomorrow.

Now you have to do it.

Me? In front of all those people? Why me?

You're really smart,
and the other students respect you.

You've gotta do this.

SPUD needs you.

[gulps] Me?

♪ Don't want uniforms ♪

♪ We don't want uniforms ♪

♪ Don't want uniforms ♪

♪ No way ♪

Sally, I don't know if I can do this.

[whispering] You'll be fine.
Everybody's 100% behind you.

Oh, yeah?

Hmm!

Well, we'll just see
how much they feel like protestin'

after I rain on their parade.

Hey! What's blockin' my flow?

This is gonna be a great sh*t.

Hey, man, what's that behind you?

What? [screams]

Whoa! [screams]

This hose is defective.

[screaming]

[chanting] S-P-U-D,
uniforms are not for me!

S-P-U-D, uniforms are not for me!

Hmm.

You feel that? I think it's gonna rain.

Maybe we should introduce Patti now.

Good peoples of the school!

Gentlemans and laddies,

it is now time
for your rabbles to be roused,

so let's give a...
[imitating fart sounds]

And a hearty zwooba, zwooba, zwooba
to Miss Patti Mayonnaise!

Uh-oh...

[stuttering] I just wanted to say...

Uh...

Go on! Tell 'em, Patti!

That... uniforms are...

violation of our freedom of expression...

[stuttering] Sort of.

We are 100% in front of you, Patti!

How can we learn to think for ourselves
if the school makes us all dress the same?

Go, Patti-o, go! Right on!

We should be able to choose!

-[students] Yay!
-[applauding]

Wow. Isn't she great?

You know, in class, they teach us a lot
about the Constitution,

and I just want to say today that...

And I, Patti Mayonnaise,

do solemnly swear
as the first female president

to uphold and defend the Constitution,

especially the part that says
kids don't have to wear school uniforms.

[crowd cheering]

We don't want conformity.

We don't want uniformity.

We don't want uniforms!

[students cheering] Yay!

All right, you beatniks.
The hootenanny's over.

Get to class!

[whispering] Patti, that was wonderful.
They love you.

Oh, Patti, that was most inspiring.

In my country,
you would have been already in chains.

And I am not just saying that.

It was fabu!

But what's our next step?

That's easy!
Let's stink b*mb Bone's office.

[arguing]

Shh!

Wait a minute!

What's our new star got to say?

Uh, well, I don't know.

Maybe, maybe if we just keep protesting,

we could get Principal White
to meet us for a debate.

That way, both sides will be heard.

Both sides?

What a bunch of bleeding-heart liberals!

-I'm with you!
-I'm in.

[Fentruck, Sally and Bebe] Roger?

Okay, okay, I'm in.

[Skeeter] Hold that pose.

Okay, smile and look this way.

Yes! We'll call this sh*t
The Bluffington five.

[cheering]

And we're gonna bury this idea of uniforms
once and for all!

[cheering]

Wow. Just like a J.B. Spiggot movie.

-Closer, Doug.
-Okay, Skeet.

According to the latest weekly Beebe poll,

you are personally
even more popular than SPUD

Care to comment?

This campaign is not about personalities.
It's about issues.

In SPUD, we're all equal.

[over loudspeaker ] Guy's
you're slowing down. Pick up the pace.

How come we're doing all the work,
and she's getting all the glory?

I think all the attention
is giving her a real attitude.

Who d*ed and made her
head-goat-herder person?

Quiet! She'll hear you.

[Patti] I already did.

I am so disappointed in you guys.

It's isn't my way. It's our way.
We're all in this together.

Nobody's more important than anybody else.

Now keep those signs held high!

I've got...

I mean, we've got a protest to run.

Great. She's doin' the talkin',
and we're doin' the walkin'.

Well, she's also walking, all over us.

This hunger strike is making me hungry.

Beebe, that's the whole point.

Oh, a hunger strike, huh?

[chuckles] Well, we'll see how long
they stay on strike

once they get a whiff
of cheeseburger in a can.

[sniffs]

I must be dreamin'.

I swear I smell cheeseburgers.

[laughs]

[stutters] Whoa!

[Mr. Bone screams]

Come on, everybody, let's sing.

♪ No more uniforms ♪

If I had my way,
we'd pull dirty tricks behind the scenes.

That's how they protest in the real world.

No way!

There's only one civilized way
to make your point.

You get an army of lawyers,
and you sue, sue, sue!

Would you guys hush up?

This would work if you just look hungry.

I got news for ya. I am hungry!

And how come you're giving all the orders?

Well, somebody's gotta be
in charge, Roger.

Don't be a baby.

That does it. I'm outta here.

I'm gonna start my own protest group.

Me, too. I am too rich to miss lunch.

I, likewise, am no longer a SPUDnik.

Wait. You can't leave.

Oh, yeah? Try and stop us.

No. I mean, you can't leave.

I gave the keys to Doug,
and he went to lunch.

[all] Doug!

Sit-down strike against uniforms!

Don't cross our picket line!

Hmm? Hmm?

How's a sit-down strike
gonna bring the school to a halt

if there's only two of us left?

I'm Trent McSumac from W-Bluf News.

We heard about your protest
down at the station.

I wanna get your story
for tonight's broadcast.

Wow! You mean we're gonna be on TV?

Did somebody say TV?

Hi. I'm Bob White,
principal of Beebe Bluff Middle School

and once and future mayor
of this fair city.

-You know...
-[grunting]

I was just getting the story
of the student protest.

So, you have the support
of the entire student body?

-Well...
-Well...

And you two boys support the protest?

Yeah. Uh...

Well, I'm not sure
how I feel about uniforms.

Now, as I was saying,
nothing's as inspiring

as young persons getting involved
with school policy.

And I wanna say how much
I admire their gumption.

The same quality, I must say,

that will once again
make me an effective mayor,

come the next election.

Don't forget,
you're fair and open-minded, too.

Uh, yes, indeedy.
That describes me to a "P."

Or is that a "T"?

Which means you wouldn't object
to holding a fair and open-minded debate

about uniforms.

Uh... Well...

Well, that's a fair question.
How about it, Mr. White?

-Uh, will it be on TV?
-Of course.

Well, then why not?

I always say I'm all
for televised democracy.

Not only do I not object,

I will personally introduce the student
who will be arguing my side.

Huh? Where'd he go?

Patti, we did it! We won!

Oh, yeah! [laughs]

It doesn't even matter who White picks.
I'll clobber him.

After all, I am the captain
of the debate team.

Uh, Sally, I don't think
that's such a good idea.

Maybe I should do the debate.

After all, I'm the one who challenged him.

I'm the one the crowd listens to.
I'm the one they'll believe.

I, I, I.

The others were right.
All this attention has gone to your head.

Fine. Go on. Do it all yourself. I quit.

What is wrong with you people?

Can't you see I'm doing this all for you?

[sighs]

[Doug] It was the day
of the big uniform debate.

Skeeter and I got permission to tape it.

By then, all the SPUD members
had formed their own protest groups.

Roger had Students Oppose Uniform Rules,
also known as

-SOUR.
-Yeah! [laughs]

Sally gathered her brainy friends

into Serious Students
Organize Uniform Protest.

Fentruck had his own
one-man protest group: Babushka.

-And that meant...
-[speaking foreign language]

And Beebe had her own group. Beebe.

That stands for...
Well, Beebe.

Hey, hey!

The time has come.

What do you say
we get this show on the road?

Now, young persons,

I know you're all wondering
why I insisted,

nay, demanded that we have this debate.

It is because I am the kind
of honest and fair-minded person

who'd make a wonderful next mayor,
if your parents would just vote for me.

And so, in the spirit of fairness,
I'm going first.

Here to present the right side, my side,

is one of my favorite students...

Uh...

...Mosquito Valentine.

Huh?

[students gasping]

Well, somebody had to do it.

Mr. Mosquito?

Um, I know how everybody feels,

but I think there's some good things
to say about uniforms. Huh?

[horns honking]

[yelling]

[honking]

It's easier to get dressed in the morning,

and... and you don't have to spend
as much money, you know,

for fashion stuff.

And...

This is getting out of control.

Uh... But, I, I...

What's wrong with these people?
They won't even listen to Skeeter.

They're acting just like...

Just like...

Oh, my goodness.

Please! Everybody! Please!

I know you don't want to hear
anything good about uniforms.

I feel the same way.

But if we don't let Skeeter talk,

we'll be doing the same thing
we accuse the school of doing.

Not listening.

It's easy to get so caught up
in what you want

that you stop listening to the other side.

I know.

I guess I got so carried away
being the leader of SPUD,

I stopped paying attention
to everybody else.

But we have to listen to all sides.

It's the only way to have a fair debate.

The only way to have a democracy.

So listen.

Come on up here, Skeeter.

Uh... Hmm.

Well, um, like I was sayin'...
See, it's, it's...

[Doug] Skeeter actually made
some good points about uniforms.

How you never have to worry
about what to wear in the morning,

and how uniforms
can make you proud of your school.

Now, I'm still not sure
how I feel about uniforms.

Besides, it really didn't matter
in the long run.

Everybody on the school board

had a different idea
about what the uniforms should look like.

Well, what about my babykins?
She's a regular fashion plate.

Everybody oughta dress like her!

I think the uniforms
should look like my boy. True blue!

They got into such an argument,

they ended up putting off their decision
until next year.

Well, we can put numbers on them,

and we'll know
where they are at all times.

[arguing]

[Doug] I guess they could learn
something about listening, too,

but it made a great ending
for our video report.

We both got A's and a standing ovation.

Way to go, man.

Skeet and I celebrated by
treating the Bluffington Five to Swirly's.

I knew they'd put aside
all their differences

if food was involved.

Chocolate frothy goats all around.

-Doug, you know I like strawberry.
-Do you have vanilla?

I'm nonfat.

This flavor of the chocolate,
it's giving me chives.

Aren't you cheapskates
gonna spring for burgers?

[arguing]

[Doug] Well, maybe not
all of their differences,

but we had a good time anyway.

[theme music playing]