07x11 - Doug's Concert Crisis

[bunniefuu]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop ♪

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boo-doo-bop ♪

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop ♪

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boo-doo-bop ♪

[whistling]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop ♪

-[chattering]
-♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boo-doo-bop ♪

-[chuckling]
-Pfft.

[growling]

[screaming]

[yelping]

[whistling]

[indistinct talking]

[screaming]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop du-bop ♪

[rock music playing]

[Doug] Dear Journal

the Beets have always been
my favorite music group

At least when they are a group.

This just in from Rock Talk!

In a move that stunned the world
of pop music

legendary rock group
The Beets have broken up.

What, again?

[TV announcer]
Yes, they've broken up again.

Sources say...

Oh, well. They'll get back together.

They always do.

[barking]

Really, Dougie.

Why do you insist on destroying
your tiny brain

with that commercial pap?

You have no concept of music as art.

[all] Huh?

Hey, we were listening to that.

Please. No need to thank me.

And now, let me introduce

my latest artistic composition

which proves there is more to music

than rhythm and melody.

There is also... this.

[various discordant sounds]

Turn it off!

[groaning]

My fillings are falling out!

[Porkchop whimpering]

[Doug] Turn it off!

Wait. That's just the sound
my piece needs.

I must record it.

Huh?

[door creaks]

That's me.

[banjo music plays]

[rock guitar plays]

[Connie] I read
Flounder's starting a new band

right here in Bluffington.

[Beebe] Yeah, he said he'd gone
as far as he could with The Beets

and he's looking for a whole new
musical direction.

But I like the old direction.

Oh, get on the bus, Doug.

Move with the times.

I hope he doesn't change too mu... [yells]

Nice socks, Funnie.

You know, most people wear them
inside their shoes.

[laughing]

There's nothing wrong with my socks.

Yeah, they're perfect

for a loser.

[laughing]

Good one, Roger.

Boy, what a loser.

[laughing]

Perfect.

Why, Douglas

what a lovely anniversary present.

There's nothing nicer than a handmade gift

is there, Phil?

No, there sure isn't.

Great idea, mister.

Thanks.

Now, I, as a tribute

to the hallowed union which produced me

dedicate my new performance art piece

to my parents.

It's called "Savage Cheese."

It sounds lovely, dear.

-[doorbell rings]
-Huh?

Oh, I'll get it.

Yes, I'm coming.

Heigh-dee-ho!

I'm the skin deep beauty lady.

Now, would you like to have
your inner beauty

go all the way to skin deep

with our skin deep beauty products?

[laughs]

And this is our new bushel of beauty.

Oh, well, thank you, but--

Oh, yes, now, to introduce you
to our fine products

we're offering a free skin deep
beauty makeover.

New hairdo, new makeup, a whole new you.

No, I don't think so.

I'm kind of used to the old me.

Well, if you change your mind

and decide to experience beauty skin deep

here's my number. Buh-bye.

I... Uh...

Hmm.

Who was it, honey?

Oh, just some woman
wanting to give me a makeover.

[chuckles] Can you imagine
getting a makeover?

Well, I don't know.

Change can be nice.

I think it's great that you always
look the same.

I... I do?

And thank heavens for that.

My mother is not a sl*ve to fashion.

Well, but I do like to look nice.

Which you do, just the way you are.

Here you go, hon.

-Ah.
-My anniversary present to you.

Oh, Phil!

Oh, I wonder what it could be.

It's a... a...

What?

Isn't it a beaut?

It's a waffle iron that makes waffles

in the shape of Marlene LaFlame.

Happy anniversary!

-Hmm.
-[lips smacking]

[Flounder]
Eric, pick up the b*at a little.

Norman, crank up the volume.

Hold it, hold it. That's no good.

I mean, I need a new sound.

Something, you know, really, like... new.

-[both] Huh?
-Hmm.

-[Judy's music plays]
-Whoa! What's that?

Sorry, man. It's this nutty tape

I recorded for a girl as a favor
to my cousin Cassius.

I'll turn it off.

No, no. I don't want you
to turn it off, man.

I want you to turn it up.

[both] Huh?

[Phil chuckles] Can you imagine
getting a makeover?

[Doug] I think it's great
that you always look the same.

[echoing] The same, the same.

[sigh]

[clears throat]

[barking]

What is it, Porkchop?

Whoa! It's Flounder,
and he's headed right for my front door!

Cool.

[stammering] Flounder?

Doug, I know you're really busy
with middle school and all

but I've gotta find
a new musical direction

and you're the only one who can help me.

Please, man, please!

Uh, sure. Why not?

♪ Dancin' with you ♪

♪ We know that we belong together ♪

[cheers and applause]

You did it, Doug.

You saved my career.

Hey, what are friends for?

[Flounder] Thank you! Thank you very much!

-[doorbell rings]
-[Doug] Huh?

Excuse me, kid.

Does Judy Funnie live here?

Huh?

I mean, y-yes, but--

If it's okay, I'd like to talk to her.

Well, sure, but, uh... why?

[clears throat] Excuse me, little brother

but I believe the man asked to talk to me.

Oh. Sure. Right.

You Judy?

Yeah. So?

I wanted to see what kind of person

put all these crazy sounds together.

Well, that would be me.

Of course, I wouldn't expect a purveyor
of crass commercial--

-You're a genius.
-Huh?

You're a genius. It's a fantastic sound.

It's so... so...

new!

Well, I was just working
on my latest piece.

It expresses the indifference of society

to the artistic otherness
of the truly other.

Want to hear it?

Cool.

-[Doug] I couldn't believe it.
-[Judy's music playing]

Flounder had been listening
to Judy's music for hours.

Nobody had ever done that before.

[Judy] I believe that only through discord

can we release the angst
of the inner primitive.

Not that I'd expect anyone
else to understand.

Understand? No, that is so cool.
[chuckles]

Uh, what you said.

Really? You think so?

Do you also think the true expression
of the soul Must come through suffering?

Sure.

And for the deeply creative,
like ourselves

the very purity of that suffering
is the flame of creation?

Want to go for coffee?

Huh?

Me? Really?

W-well, I suppose it, uh

could be a meaningful
sociological experiment.

Sure.

Très cool.

[Doug] Pretty soon, Judy and Flounder

were spending a lot of time together.

I just couldn't figure it out.

But there it was.

Incredible as it may seem

Flounder, my idol

the world's best guitarist
for the world's greatest rock band,

was dating my sister.

Très cool.

[Doug] It wasn't long
before Judy and Flounder

were the talk of the town.

[whispering, muttering]

Hmm.

[Connie] Doug!

Over here.

Hey, Connie. Hey, Beebe.

[both] Is it true?

Is it really, really true?

Your sister's dating Flounder?

[sigh]

Well, uh, in a way... I guess.

You guess?

Doug, we need answers.

Having a rock star

practically in your family is so faboo.

[sigh]

OK, OK, it's true. They're dating.

In that case, want some
imported chocolates?

Say, Doug, have I mentioned lately

how much I like your hair?

You like my hair?

We do now.

You've got a rock star in the family.

Yeah. I'll bet that you could get
front-row tickets for the concert.

Concert? What concert?

Flounder's concert next Friday.

The star's friends and family
always get front-row seats.

Hey, Funnie, about those socks--

Cut it out, Roger.

They're very cool.

What? [groans]

[chattering]

[boy] Your sister's dating Flounder?

[Doug] Something strange was happening.

Suddenly I was popular.

And I've got to admit

it felt pretty good.

So, if I can get front-row
tickets to the concert

do you guys want to come?

-Sure, Doug
-If you can get tickets.

Hey, Doug.

If you get them front-row tickets

can you get me one, too?

Uh, well, I suppose I could--

Thanks. You're the best.

And you wouldn't get Connie a better seat

than you're getting me, right?

Uh... n-no.

Good answer, Doug.

But... huh?

Hey, Doug, buddy

you're not gonna leave us out, are you?

Well, I-I wouldn't want to--

Great. We'll come by your house
to pick up the tickets.

Yes. See ya, Doug.

Ohh...

[chattering]

[Doug] By this time, 20 different kids

were expecting me to get them
front-row tickets.

And I wasn't even sure
if the front row had 20 seats.

Being popular was turning out to be

a lot more trouble than I thought.

Phew!

[Theda] Douglas, is that you?

Mom, I've got a problem.

[gasp] Oh, sorry.

I was looking for my mom.

Theda Funnie?

[giggles] Oh, Douglas.

[stammers] Mom?

Oh, Douglas, don't make a fuss.

You look great.

Like a movie star.

Like two movie stars.

Oh, stop it, Douglas.

[Phil] Oh, what a day.

Oh, excuse me, I was looking for...

Theda?

Oh, now, Phil, don't you start.

Well, I... Wow!

[giggles] Oh, Phil.

I've got to get my camera.

[giggles]

[rock music playing]

Stop, stop, stop.

Eric, why must you keep hitting

your drums with those sticks?

'cause they're drumsticks?

Yes. To the conventional mind.

But we need to break free of those bonds.

Here, try these instead.

But these are ferns.

Of course, they're ferns.

That's the point.

It's an homage to the rain forest.

And you, Norman,
I saw you tuning your guitar.

How else are we gonna play in tune?

[groans]

You're not supposed to play in tune.

How come she's always bossing us around?

Come on, man, she's creating, you know

like, an artistic vision for our band.

Well, she's also creating

a giant pain in my... neck.

All this dissension
is draining my creativity.

I must meditate.

Um, Flounder?

Yo, Doug, come on in.

How's it goin', little bro?

[Judy] Oh, please.

How can I meditate

in the face of gratuitous

and noisy male bonding?

Um, well, see...

some people were asking me
about tickets to your concert.

-I was wondering if you could--
-Forget it.

My friends will occupy the choice seats.

But, Judy, there's
enough front-row tickets

for your family and friends.

And I'll still have some left over.

You will? All right!

-[cheering]
-[announcer] And now presenting

the longest front row
in rock and roll history!

[Doug] Suddenly things were looking up.

I felt like my ship had come in...

Let's see. Yep.

You can have...

three tickets.

[Doug] ...and then sunk.

Doug, you can't pack 20 people

into just three seats.

This is all Doug Funnie's fault.

Get him!

[sighs]

[Doug] My life was over.

I was stuck.

How was I supposed to divide three tickets

between 20 friends?

I wanted to ask my parents for advice,

but they weren't exactly
acting like my parents.

OK, smile.

Look at me more. OK, a little bit higher.

A little bit. That's... Come on, now.

Oh, give me a break.

I can't believe that my own mother

would give in to this
superficial triviality.

Oh, dear.

Well, I love the new you, honey.

Hey, we should go out for dinner tonight.

Can't have my new wife

slaving over a hot stove, can I?

But, Phil, we've been out
every night this week, and...

I... like to cook.

[Doug] It's weird.

I was popular, and mom was glamorous.

So why weren't we smiling?

[chattering]

That day at school
I was still Mr. Popularity.

[yells]

Time was running out.

Wait up, Doug, old buddy.

I got you this cool jacket

to wear when we go
to the concert tomorrow.

What do you think?

-Uh, Roger, about the concert--
-[Beebe] Hey, Doug.

I booked Daddy's limo tomorrow

and stocked it with peanutty buddies.
[chuckles]

What time should I pick you up?

Look, guys, about those tickets--

-[Connie] Doug.
-Huh?

Just wait till you hear the new song
I wrote about you.

It's called "Front-row Friend For Life."

[screaming]
♪ Front-row friend, front-row friend ♪

♪ Doug's so good, he's my best friend ♪

♪ Hot dog, my best friend ♪

What do you think?

Look, everyone, there's something
I've just gotta tell you.

-Bye, Doug.
-See ya, Doug.

Good-bye, Dougie.

But... I can't take... all of you.

I couldn't wait any longer
to make a decision.

All the kids were coming by my house
to pick up their tickets.

[sigh]

Whoa, you look down, little bro.
What's wrong?

I messed up, Flounder.

I'm the most popular kid in school

'cause everybody thinks I'm getting them

front-row tickets for your concert.

Sorry, little bro,
but I've only got three left.

Yeah, I know.

But how can I figure out who to invite?

Kids are offering me all kinds of stuff
for tickets.

I think I understand, little bro.

When you're famous
or even know somebody famous

everybody wants to be your friend.

It gets hard to tell
if people really like you for yourself.

But you're famous,
and I like you for yourself.

You do?

Except when you call me little bro.

Oh, sorry about that, little...

Doug.

But you said you like me
for myself, right?

[Doug] Right.

Maybe there's a clue there
to who you should invite.

People who like, you know,
like you for you.

You mean friends who would like me

even if I couldn't get them tickets?

Yeah, that's what I mean. Real friends.

Hmm. If I have any real friends left.

[chattering]

OK, Doug, you can give us the tickets now.

[groans]

See, uh, I kept trying to tell you--

Aw, cut the chin wag
and dish out the tickets, buddy.

Well, the truth is...

Ohh. There weren't enough tickets
to go around.

I'm really sorry, guys. Honest.

[complaining, griping]

Well...

Aren't you guys mad at me, too?

Why would we be mad? We know you tried.

Aw, that's OK, man.

You can tell us all about the concert.

That's almost as good as bein' there.

[grunts]

-[barking]
-I had a feeling you'd say that.

[crowd cheering]

[Patti] Thanks, Doug.

I had to dip into my trust fund money

to get the only seats that were left...

in the nose-bleed section!

Oh, and here's a bill
for the imported chocolate.

By the way

I rewrote my song.

it's now called "You're not my friend
because you didn't get me

front-row tickets
to the concert or anything."

Uh...

Come on, Doug.

Yeah, man.

-[all] Huh?
-I'll take that jacket back, loser.

OK. Here.

Come on, guys.

Hey, forget about Roger, man.

Yeah. Let's go find our seats.

[Judy] Wrong shoes, wrong hair,
wrong props.

Everything is wrong, wrong, wrong.

What's this, an homage to bunnies?

I'm splitting!

Me, too.

[scoffs] At last we're free
of their limiting bourgeois mentality.

Now it's just us

two true artists.

Très cool.

[cheering]

-Hey, what happened, Mom?
-Oh.

Well, my new look was fun for a while

but I decided I like being myself

beautiful or not.

Besides, the kind of beauty you get
from a makeover

is only skin deep.

[baby babbling]

You're beautiful all the way through, Mom.

You always were.

You're right about that, son.

[announcer] Ladies and gentlemen

here's the moment you've been waiting for

the debut concert appearance

of Flounder and the Plastic Judy Band!

[crowd cheering]

Thanks, Bluffington,
for taking us to your hearts.

Hit it, Judy.

♪ Pain no gain ♪

♪ Pain insane ♪

♪ Pain strain a fried brain ♪

♪ Pain rules, pain drools
Pain cruels, pain pains ♪

♪ Pain ♪

They're all gone!

Of course. I expected it.

Our music was beyond their comprehension.

We've reached a new height
of artistic growth.

I don't know, Judy.

I kind of like when the audience stays
till the end of the show.

I guess you might as well go, too, folks.

No way, mister.

We came here for a concert

and we intend to stay.

Right you are.

Personally, I found the music very...

uh, deep?

Besides, we've got these great seats.

Wow, I'm really touched.

So I'd like to, you know

dedicate this number
to my friends, the Funnies

who are always there for me.

[shrieks]

[sighs]

[music starts]

[Doug] Nobody ever dedicated
a song to us before.

It was... well... painful.

But it was the kind of thing
a real friend would do.

Like Flounder or Patti
and Skeeter or Porkchop.

[Flounder] Thank you.

And I want to thank
a special lady named Judy.

Working with her made me see music

in a whole new way.

That's why I'm back with The Beets.

But Judy will always have
a place in my heart.

-[band plays on TV]
-[crowd cheering]

Sure is good to hear The Beets.

I knew they'd get back together.

They always do.

♪ You got sloppy socks ♪

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Alas, he was so close to grasping

the profundity of my vision

and yet so far.

I thought you liked Flounder.

As an artist, no.

As a friend, I suppose he's... très cool.

[Doug] I miss Flounder.

And I miss being
the most popular kid at school.

Sometimes.

But at least I've got good friends

who are gonna like me no matter what.

And that's all anybody
ever really needs, isn't it?

♪ You got sloppy socks ♪

♪ Down in your shoes ♪

Uh...

[Doug] Except maybe a new pair of socks.

[closing theme music]