07x21 - Quailman and the L.U.B.

[bunniefuu]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop ♪

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boo-doo-bop ♪

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop ♪

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boo-doo-bop ♪

[whistling]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop ♪

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boo-doo-bop ♪

[chuckling]

[growling]

Hey! Hey! [screams]

[yelps]

[whistling]

[grunting]

Huh, huh! [screams]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop du-bop ♪

[Doug] Dear Journal, there are times when
things are going along just great,

till someone decides to do some improving.

We were at the community center,

trying to figure out how to do a play
about recycling.

I don't get it.

Who wants to do a play
about recycling, anyway?

It's boring.

The play is for the annual
déjà vu recycling center party.

I kinda think it should have
something to do with recycling.

Hey, we could do a play about vampires.

Yeah. Vampire stories are always fun.

Come on, let's give recycling a try.

It's important.

Hey, we could do a play about recycling

by sucking people's blood.

[all] Yeah!

Yeah. And when the vampires bite people,

they turn into big losers
who don't recycle.

So, the vampires bite people's necks

and turn them into non-sorting,
ecological miscreants.

How reprehensible.

Can we be vampires?

We can be menacing.

Whoo whoo whoo!

Yeah. And skunky can be
the genius scientist

who figures out what's wrong.

What?

It's pretend. Don't worry.

I'll be a damsel in distress

wearing a lavish designer gown.

Can I be chief of police?

Great. And I'll be the mayor.

Hey, man, this play could be great.

[honking laugh]

[woman] Looks like you're doing
a wonderful job, kids.

Mom. Oh, it's going great.

We're going to need your help pretty soon.

Oh, I wish I could help,

but there's a bubble-wrap emergency
at the recycling center.

I may have to be there all week.

But we need a director.

Well, it just so happens

I found the perfect person
to direct your play.

And here she is now.

[Doug] Lemme guess.

It's Judy.

Why does it always have to be Judy?

Oh, man.

Ahem.

Hey, I was--

Silence, amateur thespian.

You may thank the muses
for my arrival later.

Right now, we've got an artistic vision
to focus.

Great.

[footsteps approaching]

[door hinges creak]

[whistling]

[whistles]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop du-bop ♪

[Judy] That's it. Sizzle. Sizzle.

You're link sausage frying in a pan.

You're frying, frying.

Come on, you two, sausage,
not bacon. Sausage.

And don't just act like sausage.

You must become the sausage.

I am trying to capture
my hickory-smoked essence.

How do I know if I'm
turkey sausage or regular?

Aw, Judy, this is ridiculous.

Who recycles sausage?

Dougie, these are acting exercises

to free your muse.

I'm not sure I want my muse freed.

Think like a tree. Think like a tree.

Think like a tree.

OK. Now fly. Fly.

[grunts]

Grrr! If the late, great Sauerkrautsky

had had to deal with juvenile theatrics,

where would he be today?

Hmm, still dead?

Judy, why are we dressed
like elves and fairies?

And what does all this
have to do with recycling?

It's all part of my brilliant adaptation

of Shakespeare's a Midsummer Night's Dream

with a recycling theme.

But we already have a play.

With, like, a genius scientist.

And scary vampires.

Whoo whoo whoo!

And we made it up together.

It was fun.

Fun? This isn't about fun.

This is art, art á la me--

An ageless struggle
only the bard could understand.

Huh?

She's your sister, Doug.

Tell her we want to do our play.

[Doug] Beebe was right.

Why did Judy always
have to do things her way?

But I didn't dare interrupt her

in the middle of an artistic rant.

When Judy gets on a roll,

I don't think even Quailman
could stop her.

At least not without a lot of help.

[Deep-voiced narrator]
Quailman and Quaildog present

L.U.B...

The League of Ultra Buddies.

A tag team of superheroes
that bands together

in the name of truth, justice,
and the way of the superhero.

Silver Skeeter, shapeshifting
and skateboarding Titan of crimefighters,

who never battles evil
without his protective headgear.

Supersport, whose amazing athletic prowess

sends dastardly scoundrels
to an early shower.

Waycoolman,

armed with the power of
metacognitive thinking

He's... way cool, man.

Material girl, who runs up
charges on evildoers

and makes them pay in full.

Pi and Pi Squared, genius supertwins

with the power to set a VCR
to record off cable,

and sometimes they can even
pick up loose change with their toes.

Yes, it's L.U.B.,
the league of ultra buddies,

banding together to keep the universe safe
from people like you...

And me...

And them.

[Quailman] Welcome.
Quaildog and I

are pleased to host this month's meeting

of the league of Ultra Buddies.

First, since we have
successfully eradicated

all evildoing in Megalopolis,

we'd like to give you a tour
of our fair and peaceful city.

[all talking at once]

Follow me then, as I...

Fly awayyyyy!

[narrator] But unbeknownst to Quailman,

an unspeakable evil is stalking the city.

[cop] All right, move it along there.

Move it al--

[humming to himself]

[narrator] No part of the city is safe

from this dastardly plot.

♪ I love to speak the language
That the animals speak ♪

♪ I'm bursting into hippo tongue
Or monkeys' happy squeak ♪

♪ And roaring with the tigers
Is a thrill I can't define ♪

♪ But nothing beats the trumpeting ♪

♪ With these elephant friends of mine ♪

[animals roaring, bellowing, chattering]

Aah! Aah!

As you can see, all is
fair and peaceful-- huh?

[people screaming]

Hmm.

If I'm not seriously mistaken,

something is amiss in Megalopolis.

[Quaildog barking]

[Quailman] Great Scott! A fire
at the fireworks factory!

Let's go!

What's that light?

[can-can music]

[Waycoolman] Whoa, man,

Has the world gone, like, mad?

What?

This is great fun,
courageous firefighters,

but if the flames reach the fireworks--

Take it, Quaildog.

[gasps] No time for solos, Quaildog.

Once the fire spreads
to the Roman candles,

Megalopolis will disappear like a doughnut
at a police stakeout.

Come on, superheroes, let's take action.

[gasps]

The lever's jammed.

[Quailman] Thanks, Supersport.

Come on, ultra buddies,
we've gotta get more water on this fire.

Way to go, Waycoolman.

[Quailman] There's something funny
going on around here, guys,

and I for one I'm not laughing.

Look, up in the sky--

-It's a bird...
-It's a plane...

It's some kind of flying, three-headed,

dragony-looking thing.

No, it's Judy-Dra!

[screeching]

[narrator] Judy-Dra,
that flying, three-headed,

dragony-looking, performance art-loving,

scourge of Megalopolis.

Part monster, part actress, all ham.

Wait here, Ultra Buddies.

Judy-Dra can be triple-thr*at trouble.

I'll take care of her myself.

Oh, no, Quailboy!

The show is just beginning!

You see, this is my limelight
of luminosity.

One moment in the limelight
transforms ordinary citizens

into cheesy variety performers.

Allow me to demonstrate.

You can't-- [grunts]

[barking as if by ventriloquism]

Welcome to the world of cheesy
entertainment and performance art.

Soon everybody in Megalopolis
will be in on the act.

And just wait till you see
the terrifying grand finale!

[gulping]

[barking while gulping]

-Huh?
-[sputtering]

Wh-what happened?

And why do I feel like such a dummy?

[whimpering]

Quailman, did you defeat Judy-Dra?

Not exactly.

I'm going to need your help.

League of ultra buddies, on the double.

We've got to stop Judy-Dra

before she turns the whole city

into some cheesy variety show.

[animals roaring and bellowing]

[humming]

♪ But nothing beats the trumpeting ♪

♪ With these elephant friends of mine ♪

[Quailman] Oh, no! She's already turned
the whole city

into obnoxious street-fest revues.

Awayyyyy!

[wicked laughter]

My plan is working to perfection.

-[Quailman] Not so fast, Judy-Dra.
-[gasps]

The reviews are in, and your act's a flop.

We're here to bring down the curtain.

[Judy-Dra] Hah! This show is genius!

By combining every kind
of cheesy entertainment ever devised

into one brilliant piece
of performance art,

I'll expose the shallow sensibility
of the Hoi-Polloi

once and for all!

Come on, you've got a belt...

He's got a skateboard...

Let's put on a show!

Quailman, you're on first!

[grunting]

Hold still! Stop bobbing!

[Silver Skeeter] Hey, Judy-Dra! Over here!

Stop darting!

Stay in one place!

Waycoolman, use your
metacognitive thinking!

That's redundant, man.

Hey, Judy-Dra, dudes!

What walks on all fours in the morning,

walks on two legs in the afternoon,

and on three legs at night?

Huh? What are you
talking about?

I'm getting a headache!

Come on, Pi, let's bend the fabric of
space and time.

What good does that do, Pi Squared?

You're right. Let's strike fear
into her heart

by asking her out on a date.

[Pi Squared] Wanna go on a date?

We can play video games for hours.

Followed by a little
competitive cheeseball molding.

No!

It's payday, Judy-Dra,

and you must face the blustery
blast of big bucks.

[screaming]

Judy-Dra, you'll get a kick outta this!

Quaildog, the limelight!

[swing music starts]

♪ Well, listen here ♪

♪ And don't you sneer ♪

♪ I'm gonna crush your town
'Cause it's my career ♪

♪ I'm a 3-headed monster ♪

♪ I'll turn your world upside-down ♪

♪ Yes, I'm a 3-headed monster ♪

♪ And I'm gonna crush your town ♪

Good job, Quaildog.

[cheering]

[indistinct chatter]

[male voice] Good going, Quaildog!
Way to go!

Grr. Grr.

-Good boy!
-Well done... Quailman!

[laughing]

[barking]

So long, Lubbies!
My show has a second act.

[barking]

She's getting away!

She's got the limelight!

Come on, everybody, after her!

[grunting]

[Judy-Dra] Now dance!

Grrrr!

I liked you better

as a ventriloquist's dummy,

belt-buckle boy!

Now hold still!

We can't let your little
buddies go on without you!

Ha ha ha! Ha hah!

With my quail-like skills
of bobbing and diving,

I'm not so easily-- [crash] Ow!

[groaning]

Ooh! I landed on my keys.

But now it's time for my grand finale!

In precisely one hour, at noon,

you will be witness to the greatest,
most grand finale

in the performance art history
of Megalopolis!

Oh, yeah, and incidentally,

all of Megalopolis will be destroyed.

[wicked laughter]

[narrator] Alas, will our heroes

continue to helplessly pirouette

while Megalopolis falls into chaos?

And what of Quailman?

Will he never wake up?

I said, will he never wake up?!

Wha? Huh?

Wh-what happened?

Oh, no!

Ballet!

Avert your eyes, everyone!

Come on, guys. We have no time
for dancing.

We've got to save Megalopolis.

Oh, man!

[buzzing]

Ooh! Go away, fly. Just--

[all muttering]

[Quailman] Hey, you're back to normal!

Thank goodness.

We've got to stop Judy-Dra!

Right, Judy-Dra. I remember now.

While I was under her spell,

I heard her say
her grand finale was at noon.

What is the grand finale?

I don't know. But she said
all of Megalopolis would be destroyed.

What a totally nasty mythical beast.

Yeah. Like times three.

My therapist would say it's
all just a desperate plea for attention.

Hey, you could be right.

If she wants attention,
let's give it to her.

Follow me.

[Judy-Dra] I'm a star! I'm a star!

Get ready for my grand
finale, Megalopolis!

[wicked laughter]

Whoo-hoo.

What's this?

"A matinee with Judy-Dra.

Today only.

Hmm.

We better check this out.

Why is our name on the marquee?

[man] Judy-Dra, baby, sweetie, bubele,

you're just in time for your show.

I guarantee you're gonna be a smash!

My show? But wh-what?

[music playing]

One minute to curtain, Judy-Dra. Whoops.

One minute only?

[female voice] Hold still, honey.

Put your arm right through here.

Now we'll give you a waist.

Honey, I've seen fabulous,
and I know fabulous,

And you look fabulous!

[tick-tock]

[drum roll]

We're running out of time.

Places, everybody!

This is it, kiddo, your big break.

You're going out there
a nasty mythical beast,

but you're coming back a star!

It's my dream come true!

♪ Don't weep for me ♪

♪ I never meant to hurt you ♪

♪ Though I may try and bury you ♪

♪ You know I won't desert you ♪

Hey! What's going on here?

Where's my audience?!

Oh, sorry about that.

[snap]

[traffic cop humming, monkey screeching]

[can-can music playing]

[elephant trumpeting]

No one is watching me!

I made the whole town do things my way

and turned them all into performers.

Now they're all too obsessed

with their own performances
to watch me!

What were you thinking?

Me?! It was her!

Hey! I don't make decisions.

I'm the right brain!

We're getting a headache!

[Quailman] A headache is the least of
your worries, Judy-Dra.

If you destroy all of Megalopolis,

you'll never have an audience again.

Never again?!

No!

Then you must stop the grand finale.

What is it, and where?

Ohh, it's a real showstopper.

At noon, the workers at the city dam

will end their musical tribute,
Bye-Bye, Megalopolis,

by opening the gates
and flooding the city.

While you do-gooders are off to do good,

I'll take this opportunity to escape.

[wicked laughter]

Wait! How do you break the spell
and end their performance?

Think about it. How does
any performance end?

With applause.

Of course. My keen quail intelligence

should've spotted it before.

Allow me to play it all back for you

with my quail-eye instant replay option.

Whenever the spell was broken,

it was right after someone clapped.

Pi Squared, Supersport, all of you--

Fly around the city and applaud.

Boys and girls, if you believe at all

in the future of Megalopolis,

applaud. Applaud like you've never
applauded before.

Quaildog, come with me.

We have only seconds to get to the dam.

[narrator] Seconds later,
at the city dam...

♪ We got the sudden urge ♪

♪ To soak you and submerge you ♪

♪ Bye-bye, Megalopolis ♪

♪ So we're floodin' out the town ♪

♪ Just to watch the buildings drown ♪

♪ Bye-bye, Megalopolis ♪

Quick, Quaildog,

we must find the floodgate
release lever.

[Quaildog] Ooh, perhaps it is
the one labeled,

"left to close, right to flood the city."

Ooh, that's using the old quail
intelligence, Quaildog.

[gasp]

♪ Bye-bye ♪

♪ Bye-bye ♪

♪ Hope you're wearin' something drip-dry ♪

Ohh!

♪ If we get our wish ♪

♪ There'll be nothing left but dishes ♪

♪ Bye-bye, Megalopol-- ♪

[gasp]

What have we done? Close the floodgate.

[tick-tock]

Once again, Quaildog,

we've saved the day,

with the help of the league
of ultra buddies.

It's just not fair. Our play's
a lot more fun than Judy's.

And I'm unable to relate to being a tree.

I feel I peaked as a sausage.

I agree. I was thoroughly enjoying

portraying an encapsulated pork product.

Then I saw we walk.

She can't put on a play without actors.

[all talking at once]

Please, wait. There is one thing
we haven't tried.

Maybe we should give her what she wants.

Doug, are those pointy-ears on too tight?

I'm serious. Maybe we should at least
try doing it her way

instead of just walking out.

Doug's right. Let's do it.

Oh, OK. I guess anything's worth a try.

[monotone] "All hail, O Titanium,
regal queen of metals

to be recycled in a responsible

and environmentally conscientious way.

All hail."

No, no, no. You're doing it
all wrong.

Here. Give me that.

[emoting] "All hail, O Titanium,

Regal queen of metals to--"

What is this? What--this is so wordy!

Have you been rewriting your lines?

Um, no, ma'am.

[murmuring]

What's wrong, Judy?

This dialogue is impossible, unspeakable!

[nervous laugh] I mean it would take
actors of great experience

and learnedness to do justice
to this, uh, masterpiece.

You poor children, I've thrown you in
way over your heads.

I'm sorry.

I know you'll be devastated,

but I'm afraid we'll just
have to find another play.

-Uh... Judy?
-Hmm?

How about this one?

-Let's see.
-Huh?

Non-sorting ecological miscreants. Huh!

Vampires? Not bad.

Needs some kind of ending,
but it just might work.

You think?

It would be a pretty pigheaded director

who couldn't see that this
play could be a lot of fun.

Not profound, of course,
as mine was, but... fun nonetheless.

All right! All right!
We don't have any time to lose.

Let's put on a show!

[Doug] Well, Journal,

I learned that giving
someone what they want

is sometimes the best way
for them to find out

that they don't really want it.

Anyway, I hope the play will be a big hit

and mom's recycling center
will be busier than ever.

I hope she writes in
a good part for a pork roast.

Yes, a menacing pork roast.
Whoo whoo whoo!

[theme music playing]

[yodeling]

[coughs]