07x30 - Doug's Grand Band Plan

[bunniefuu]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop
Ba-ba-du-bop boo-doo-bop ♪

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop ♪

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boo-doo-bop ♪

[whistling]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop ♪

And then you know what else--

[chuckling]

[growling]

Hey! Hey! [screams]

[barking]

[whistling]

[groans]

[screaming]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop du-bop ♪

Dear Journal,

there are times when you dive in headfirst
and end up stuck in the mud.

It all started with a meeting
of the Spring Fling-a-Ding Dance Committee

And Miss Kristal, our faculty advisor.

Chalky, you'll be in charge of tickets.
Beebe, you can take care of refreshments.

OK. What do you think
about caviar and paté pizza?

I think chips and dip will be fine, Beebe.

Doug and Skeeter,
You'll be deejaying as usual, right?

We'd be happy to, Miss Kristal.

Cool!

No offense, guys.

But I've heard all your little records
about four zillion times,

And since this is an all-school dance,
I say this time we go for the gusto,

Grab the brass ring,
shuck the corn, bang the drum!

Live entertainment!

-[boy] Wow!
-[girl] Yeah!

Definitely a point.

Ooh, that's a nice idea, Guy,
but I'm afraid we don't have the budget.

Not to worry, Miss K.

It just so happens that I, the Guymeister,

am "personal friends"
with Chip Footloose of The Sub-Basements.

[boy] Whoa! The sub-basements?

Wow! They're the best band in town, Guy!

You really think they'd do it?

For me, anything.

Big deal.

I don't think The Sub-Basements
are so hot.

Well, big boy, I don't want to step
on your toes

if everybody prefers your clunky records.

Hey, I can get live bands, too, you know.

Oh, really? Like who?

Well, I could get, uh...

Uh...

The Beets!

[children] The Beets?

-[girl] You can get The Beets?
-[boy] Doug, The Beets?

Doug, could you really?

That would be wonderful, Doug.

Chalky, we'll need more tickets.

Guy, better start working on
a press release for K-BLF radio.

Patti, notify...

Uh, Skeeter, did I just say
I'd get The Beets?

You sure did, man.

[Miss Kristal continues talking]

Did I happen to say how?

[creaking]

[whistling]

That's me.

[drum plays]

[cymbal crashes]

[Doug] But it's only one phone call.

And you said you still like him.

As a friend, Dougie,
but as a true artiste, I can't be a party

to the spread of The Beets'
stale brand of commercial claptrap.

Does that mean no?

Nay, no, nix, negative,
never, and shally-shally.

Do I make myself clear?

[sighs]

[Judy]
However, I would be willing to provide

a culturally enriching performance piece
for your little friends.

[Judy speaks in French]

[singing badly] ♪ I dance to and wish ♪

♪ And wish is my dance ♪

[shrieking]

Uh, well, actually, Judy,

we were hoping for something
a little more like, um...

music.

How predictable.

Great artistes must always endure
the disdain of the rabble.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have chores to do.

Chores! That's it!

I'll do all your chores for a month
If you'll just call Flounder.

Please, little brother,

I hate to see you stoop to
personal humiliation and groveling.

Make it three months and it's a deal.

Great!

Here you go.

[Judy] Don't forget the sink,
little brother.

Mom likes me to keep it sparkling clean.

Oh, by the way, I got The Beets
for your little spring soiree.

Whoo-hoo! Judy, you did it!

Naturellement.
How could Flounder say no to moi?

Lucky for you,
they'll be town recording a new album

of prepubescent pap
at Mollusk Shoals Studios.

The Beets! I got The Beets!

[audience] Beets! Beets! Beets! Beets!

Thank you. Thank you very much.

And now we'd like to dedicate
this next song to Patti Mayonnaise.

We wrote it just for her,

because our best mate
Doug Funnie asked us to.

Yeah. We're gonna play it,
and he's gonna sing it.

Ahem!

Ooh!

[audience cheering]

[music playing]

♪ Lookin' for love ♪

♪ I've searched the world
from Rome to Cincinnati ♪

♪ But no one comes close
to that girl of mine ♪

♪ That girl at home called Patti ♪

♪ Patti, oh, Patti ♪

♪ Don't you know I'm mad for you? ♪

♪ Patti, oh, Patti ♪

♪ I'm glad you kinda like me, too ♪

Oh, Doug, you're so debonair!

[Judy] Oh, Dougie!

Uck!

Don't forget the toilet.

[Patti] Hey, everybody.

Doug got The Beets for the dance.

-Yeah, way to go, man.
-[all chattering excitedly]

Dude, that's so cool.

Oh, Doug, this will be the best
Spring Fling-a-Ding ever.

[Doug] What could I say?

The next few weeks
were a great big happy blur.

Patti asked me to help her make a poster.

Tickets were selling like hot cakes.

Thank you.

Everyone in school was excited
about the Spring Fling-a-Ding

now that The Beets were playing.

Beebe even had her cook make cakes
to look like The Beets.

Life was good.

The dance was in two days,
and I was a hero.

Then some unexpected visitors
showed up at our house.

Cool RV. When did your dad buy that?

He didn't... I don't think.

Hey, isn't that your dad's old record?

Yeah.

[music plays]

♪ Why don't you get up off your seat? ♪

♪ He's the absolutely nothing man ♪

♪ Always ends where he began ♪

♪ Absolutely nothing man ♪

Hoo-hoo! It's like the hootenanny, man.

Doug, Skeeter,
there's someone I want you to meet.

This is Lyle Trivett
from my old band The Psychedelic Fuzz.

Peace, bro.

Oh, and his wife Fern.

It's just amazing, Douglas.

We haven't seen each other for 20 years,

but it seems like just yesterday.

Amazing, Mom.

Well, you could've knocked me over
with a ton of bricks

when these two pulled their motor home
in front of the house.

Right on. It's real groovy lettin' us
hang out with you for a few days.

Now pick up the b*at, maraca man.

♪ Absolutely nothing man ♪

♪ Why don't you lather, rinse, repeat? ♪

♪ Absolutely nothing man ♪

♪ You gotta get up off your seat ♪

♪ He's the absolutely nothing man ♪

♪ Always ends where he began... ♪

Uh, Mom? Did you finish the fruit basket?

♪ ...nothing man ♪

I think it's very thoughtful of you
to bring this to The Beets, dear.

I want them to know how much
I appreciate their playing at the dance.

Thanks, Mom. Maybe just to add a banana.

[laughing]

[band rehearsing]

♪ So good for soul and heart ♪

♪ Shout long bean sprout ♪

♪ On the side or à la carte ♪

♪ Shout long bean sprout ♪

♪ That super mean lean green bean ♪

[all] Whoo.

♪ You can share it with your lover
You can shove it to your brother ♪

♪ You can tout it, flout it
Ain't nowhere about it ♪

♪ Shout long bean sprout ♪

♪ Gives you rosy dimples ♪

♪ Shout long bean sprout ♪

♪ Clears up nasty pimples ♪

♪ Shout long bean sprout ♪

Great song.

Hey, Doug. Thanks, man.

No, Flounder, I'm thanking all of you
for coming to my school

and playing at the dance.

Here. My mom made up a fruit basket.

Very thoughtful, mate.

We're just ever so glad
to be back together again making music.

Yeah. We finally resolved
all our differences.

[all] For once, we're totally in sync.

And our not-plugged-in album will reflect
our new musical and spiritual harmony.

[Chap] Cool. A banana.

Hold it. That banana's mine.

No way. You got the banana
from the last fruit basket.

No. That was a plantain,
and it wasn't even ripe.

Well, that still counts, doesn't it?

Hey, I'm dangerously low in potassium.

[Wendy] None of us should have it.

The whole fruit basket
should go to charity.

[Chap] Charity begins at home. It's mine!

Uh, listen, I can run down
and get more bananas.

-[all arguing]
-Aah!

Aah!

Uh, Doug?

I-- We-- They--

Skeet, The Beets
aren't just not plugged in,

they're totally disconnected.

They just broke up again, over a banana!

Uh-oh. You mean--

That's right.
There's no band for the dance.

[Doug] I needed a replacement group
for the dance, and fast,

so Skeet and I called every band in town.

You're playing the O'Grady wedding?

Uh, would they consider
having the reception at a school gym?

[man laughing over phone]

Uh, Skeet, does hideous,
mocking laughter mean no?

A bar mitzvah? That's cool.

Mazel tov, man.

Opening at Teeny Mart?

Yeah, I understand.

No, I don't think
there will be a next time.

[man] OK.

[sighs] Skeet, we've tried everybody.

It's just too last-minute.
They're all booked.

Hey, what about that group
Guy Graham was--

-The Sub-Basements? Tried 'em.
-Booked at the limpet-lovers convention.

Porkchop? He plays a mean harmonica.

Booked. The Waterball Blues/Jazz Festival.

Well, that's it.
Turned down by my own dog.

I've officially hit bottom.

Wait, man. No, you haven't.

[Doug] But it's just one performance.

And we'd all be culturally enriched.

Sorry, Dougie, I'm booked tomorrow.

I'm performing my dance to anguish
at the Liver City tractor pull.

Congratulations.
Now you have officially hit bottom.

I'm doomed, Skeet.

I just had to go open my big mouth.

Now no one in school's
ever gonna speak to me again.

Man, that bus was such a clunker,

I never thought we'd get to our gig
in Mump City.

Ha ha. Lucky it was all downhill.

Hey, guys, you're just in time
For a super deluxe Fuzz burger.

With bean sprouts, tofu, and seaweed.

Thanks, but I'm not very hungry.

What's wrong there, mister? Oops.

The Beets broke up again,

and now Dougie has no entertainment
for his little spring shindig tomorrow.

[sighs]
We called every other band in town.

Well, how about your father's band?

Huh?

Say, that's a groovy idea.

Fern's got her sitar in the RV,

and I'll bet Rusty would drive in
from Succotash for this.

Hey, yeah. It would be a Fuzz reunion.

A Fuzz reunion? Cool.

[Doug] Cool?

This was potentially the most
humiliating experience of my life.

[music plays]

♪ F-f-f-Fuzz ♪

♪ You know we used to g-groove ♪

♪ Yeah, Fuzz... ♪

[all screaming]

♪ Ah, Fuzz, but we're still singin' OK ♪

♪ Yeah, Fuzz, dig our crazy toupees ♪

♪ Fuzz ♪

♪ F-f-f-Fuzz ♪

You bunch of lame-os.
Get off the stage. Boo!

Doug promised us The Beets

and gave us moldy Fuzz.

[Skeeter] So what do you think, man?

Uh, well, I, uh...

Wouldn't want to put you
to all that trouble. I mean--

Why, it wouldn't be any trouble at all.

In fact, it'd be righteous
getting back together.

Now, Lyle, Doug's got a point.

It is awfully short notice,

and I'm sure his friends

don't want to hear our old-fogy music,
right, Doug?

Are you kiddin'?

Whenever we deejay your album at a dance,
the kids love it.

Cool. We're still relevant.

Well, there you go. How about it, Doug?

[Doug] Skeeter was right.
The kids did like dad's old album.

And who knows?
The Fuzz might not be too bad.

Besides, I was all out of options.

Uh, yeah, sure, Dad. That's a great idea.

Would you guys like to play at our dance?

-Would we?
-Groovy.

I'll call Rusty.

We can rehearse in the garage.

Hmm, I have to get my drum heads replaced.

This is gonna be so boss.

Yeah. Radical, man.

Oh, man.

[Rusty] What's happenin'?

-H-hey.
-Huh?

Rusty!

-[Rusty] You haven't changed a bit.
-It's great to see you.

Cool. Dudes!

[Rusty] Oh.

Hey, you look great.
You haven't changed a bit.

Are you still a Pisces, man?

[Patti] The Beets broke up again? But why?

Uh, I'd rather not go into it.

Tough break, Dougster.

You should've gone with The Sub-Basements.
Now it's too late.

I wouldn't want to say,
but lookin' a little like a...

♪ Loser ♪

Hmm. Now, the problem is,
tonight's our dance, and we have no band.

Well, that's not exactly true.

I did get a... replacement band.

You did? Who?

Now, uh, when I tell you who it is,
I don't want you to worry.

I mean, they're probably pretty good.

I hope.

Doug, who is it?

It's his father's old band, man.

The Psychedelic Fuzz.

The Psychedelic Fuzz? Doug, that's--

I know. Lame, right?

No. Great! I love their music.

-Huh?
-[students] Me, too.

Well... it looks like
you've saved the day, Doug.

I better call up my chef

and tell him to bake up
some Psychedelic Fuzz theme cakes.

Doug, you can help me
make up a new banner.

Great!

[Doug] Yes, life was good again.

My dad's band might be
a little out of practice,

but everybody loved their record.

♪ He's the absolutely nothing man ♪

♪ Got no... ♪

So how bad could it be?

[off key and unsynchronized]
♪ He's the absolutely nothing man ♪

♪ And understand his nothing plan ♪

♪ Eat some bran and get a tan ♪

[Doug] They sounded awful.

After 20 years,
the Fuzz had gone down the tubes,

and they were about to
take me right down with them.

The night of The Psychedelic Fuzz concert
everybody was really excited.

That's because
they hadn't heard the band play.

After that concert,

I'm sure that if you looked up
the word "loser" in the dictionary,

you would find a picture of me.

Thanks, Beebe.

Have some Fuzz cake, Doug.
It's really good.

Oh, no, thanks.

You must be too excited to eat, right?

-That must be it. [laughs nervously]
-[Kristal] You should be, Doug.

After all, you and only you

are responsible for getting
The Psychedelic Fuzz for our dance.

I'm sure you'll never forget this night.

[Doug] I was sure I'd never forget it.

It was going to be the most embarrassing
night of my whole life.

I was wondering
if there was a witness protection program

for kids who book their dads' bands.

Hey, man, you're never gonna guess
who just pulled into the parking lot.

-The Beets!
-The...Beets?

The Beets?

The Beets! I'm saved!

-Huh?
-They must have patched things up.

They're gonna play after all. Yes!

This is the greatest
single moment of my life.

Oh, no.

This is the worst
single moment of my life.

Uh, Doug, how long have you been
experiencing these sudden mood swings?

You don't understand, Skeet.
I have to fire my own dad.

Oh. You--you really gonna do that?

I--I think I have to.

Huh?

Uh, Dad? There's something I--

Eesh!

Ow.

Oh. Doug. There you are.

Well, how do I look, son?
Anything like the album cover?

I know these clothes don't exactly fit,
but your mom let 'em out a little.

You look great, Dad.

Real...boss, and, uh, radical.

[Doug] So there it was,
the moment of truth.

On the one hand,
if I let my dad and his band go on,

I was facing total humiliation.

On the other hand,
this concert meant a lot to my dad.

I hope I remember all my parts,
don't blow my fills,

And-- Oh, I'm sorry, son.
You were gonna tell me something?

[Doug] It was no contest.

Yeah, Dad. Have a great set.

-Knock 'em dead.
-Thanks, son.

So, how'd he take it, man?

I couldn't do it, Skeet.

This Fuzz reunion is too important
to my dad.

Even if everybody hates me for life,

I'm just gonna have to tell The Beets
we've booked another band.

-[gavel bangs]
-[male judge] Order in my court!

All right, Mr. Substitute
an ancient and decrepit band

that sounds like a dentist's drill,

I hereby sentence you
to 50 years of country line-dance music!

Court adjourned!

Huh? Aah! Aah! Aah!

[line dance music plays]

[electronic mooing]

[students screaming in excitement]

-The Beets!
-The Beets are here!

The Beets are here!

[students exclaiming]

Uh, listen, Flounder,

I really appreciate you getting the band
back together just to help me out.

-Back together?
-We're not back together.

We still can't stand each other.

We just came to see the Fuzz, then.

They were a big influence
on our music, you know.

Oh, well, sure, but--

Hey, when I heard on the radio that
The Fuzz were playing a reunion concert,

we did agree on one thing,
nothing would keep us away.

But we're not sitting together.

I wonder if the concession stand
has any bananas.

Don't start with me.

[man] One, two. One, two, three, four.

[Doug] This was it.

My total and complete public humiliation
was about to begin.

[singing perfectly]
♪ I got a guru named Buster ♪

♪ He's a really cool dude ♪

♪ Bell-bottoms, beads, and loafers ♪

♪ He's got an attitude ♪

Fuzz! Fuzz!

-Fuzz! Fuzz!
-Fuzz!

[Doug] I couldn't believe it.
The Fuzz were good.

No, they were great!
And everybody loved them.

Especially The Beets.
They were going...bananas.

Fuzz! Fuzz!

Fuzz! Fuzz!

♪ One day in the deli with Buster ♪

♪ We saw a girl in a booth ♪

♪ Groovy, he said
as he screwed on his head ♪

♪ I'm getting some vibes that are cool ♪

♪ He told me that I should meet her ♪

♪ He told me that her name would be Ruth ♪

♪ Now we're goin' together ♪

♪ So me and Ruth
are, like, seeking the truth ♪

♪ I got a guru named Buster ♪

♪ He's a really cool dude ♪

♪ Bell-bottoms, beads, and loafers ♪

♪ He's got an attitude ♪

-Yeah!
-[cheering and applause]

[chanting] Fuzz! Fuzz! Fuzz!
Fuzz! Fuzz! Fuzz! Fuzz! Fuzz!

Mom, the Fuzz sound awesome.

Well, of course, Douglas.

All they needed
was a few hours to rehearse.

I mean, it has been 20 years.

[music starts]

♪ From the bell-bottom of my heart ♪

♪ I loved you from the start ♪

♪ From the peace rally in the park ♪

♪ You were my candle in the dark... ♪

[Doug] It was all pretty amazing.

And it got even more amazing later

when the Fuzz invited The Beets
on stage to jam with them.

♪ He's the absolutely nothing man ♪

♪ He's got no motor in his van... ♪

[Doug] And then Dad
even asked me and Skeet to sit in.

And even Porkchop showed up,
'cause his gig ended early.

What can I say?

Having my dad's old group play
was one of my best ideas ever.

It even inspired The Beets
to get back together.

Well, at least for one night.

And I learned an important lesson.

Parents are kind of like jigsaw puzzles.

Just when you think you've got 'em
all figured out,

there's one more piece
you hadn't counted on.

♪ He's the absolutely... ♪

[theme music playing]