01x10 - 100 Yr. Old Man

[bunniefuu]

and always been

you

hey guys check this out it's a chick man

I give anything to see what she's got

under that lettuce playing with your

food that's real mature

you're gonna eat that what the hell is

going on oh my god

zombies have you returned from the dead

eat my brains we call brains all the

time back on the old pickle homestead

does that mean I'm a zombie

those are horrible zombies they're

delightful alumni it's homecoming so I

did die at the tractor pole

welcome back alumni to this year's

homecoming whoo bar to college it's good

to be back hey Rick

Tony check out my new shopping cart it's

totally tricked-out tinfoil handle grips

and uh that's pretty much it Wow look at

all these old people that's what we'll

be like after we graduate that'll be

sweet I hope I can afford a shopping

cart like that you're so materialistic

hey your carts on fire no those are

racing flames oh wait it is up fire

lucky had a fire extinguisher in his

pants where the hell is everyone anyway

getting settled over there oh look who

stopped by to say hello

it's our beloved barter college mascot

the strapping young man mu here a hot

little Peter a st. you ha ha that's our

mascot

I thought our mascot was a San Diego

chicken I mean isn't this the University

of San Diego chicken the strapping young

man continues to bring the football team

luck when he's at the game they always

cover the spread

I got a daughter your age she's dead and

of course you all remember our Honorable

Dean Earhart bring back the strapping

young man

lousy cheapskates how the hell am I

supposed to raise money from people who

won't even spring for a motel Wow

someone made it big a bartered college

graduate went on to become a limo driver

Mike Whalen class 87 don't you get a

limo I want a hundred and fifty million

in the tri-state Powerball Lotto

so what are you getting me for

homecoming

wake up del homecoming is just another

one of those made-up Hallmark holidays

like Secretary's day or my grandmother's

funeral but probably a sweater look

someone change the menu board oh you

mean the right no fried rectum pranks

are part of the excitement of homecoming

week huh like that hilarious big vomit

oh dear

I'll have the bunghole surprised okay

one order of bunghole soup hey Kiki I'll

have the anus burger here you are honey

ah Wow a farter along with 150 million

dollars you know how much that is Linda

let me give you some perspective if you

spent fifty million dollars a day it

would take you three days to go through

it all but how are you gonna convince

Waylon to give you the money simple I'm

going to throw a banquet in my honor you

mean his honor

that's even better he's more likely to

give money if we honor him Linda I could

kiss you I could write that menu board I

haven't laughed so hard since that guy

called me Edie

pickle we sh*t had a comeback but how do

you mock a guy named big Richard uh quad

I bet I know who did it

those dudes Shep and billion they're

funny kind of like that comic strip

Marmaduke huh huh what a big dog oh wait

I'm thinking of Cathy which one can't

find a man

we gotta pull a prank like billion

well we don't know how to make words out

of words yeah well I've got in mind a

prank that's so awesome so devious so

complex that people will be talking

about it for years

you mean break something dude you and I

we're like this Dean Earhart this is

awfully extravagant can the school

afford it you gotta spend money to make

money sweetheart here try this caviar

I had to chipped in from some foreign

place what's this receipt for cannons uh

it's for the rental of the cannons which

we will fire off right after we get the

dough from a lot oh boy having a good

time mr. Whelan this is excellent

welcome alumni as you can see we've

spared no expense to show how much you

mean to the school hey get away from

those shrimp rolls but I'm Marty Burke

class of 92 did you win the lotto I

don't think so

MA mission accomplished

what did you do I took all the

silverware now watch the fireworks begin

they ruined your prank keep watching

all right let's go so uh mr. Whelan did

I mention how we rely on the generous

contributions of our alumni yeah I think

it was right after you refused to let my

best friend Marty Burke eat a shrimp

roll oh I thought he was the other Marty

Berg the neo-n*zi who b*rned down the

rainforests while a clubbing a harp seal

yeah that's him all right I'm out of

here

wait come back the cannons we can sh**t

them at the harp seals or the rainforest

just tell me what to sh**t I said sh**t

time to light these boom tubes hold on

see I was born with an extra set of your

drums so my hearing is extremely you

spent all this money without the board's

permission and how much did you raise

roughly $9.50

listen Earhart we're gonna see to it

that this whole fiasco comes out of your

pocket but Sir you're the most

irresponsible administrator I've ever

seen

now if you'll excuse me I have to set a

towering pyramid of homecoming logs on

fire

Oh Karla I'm ruined how am I ever going

to come up with the money to pay for all

this I'll just have to dip into the

endowment fund

you mean the endowment fund you rated to

pay for this is there any other

endowment fund I am serious because if

there is we could borrow money from that

one worldwide Jewish one with toothpicks

and add bait how much can we get for

that thing that mascot is a school

treasurer

he's been here for 80 years not to

mention the football team always covers

the spread when he's around hey that

gives me an idea we've been here 8 hours

well yeah hike up your skirt a little

why don't you go to hell

fine I'll just have to bet the remaining

endowment money on the homecoming game

prude they're brilliant wordplay on the

freshmen cafeterias menu board harkens

back to the Golden Age of homecoming

hijinks

I can't believe Shepherd Williams prank

made the paper no one even noticed ours

yeah it says the prank was almost as

outrageous as the 1937 homecoming when

Roscoe Hickland kidnapped the University

of Atlanta's mascot

he stole a mascot sweet hey that's what

we should do we don't know where the

University of Atlanta is everybody knows

it's under the ocean it's sank years ago

don't you read the Bible but if it's

under the ocean how can we steal their

mascot no dude will steal the barter

mascot oh good

most of that college is above ground god

I can't wait to see the faces on those

tools over at barter when they realize

we've stolen their mascot what's the

point spread on the homecoming game I

don't know what you're talking about

betting is illegal just like putting a

hidden camera in the women's bathroom

and neither of those things happen here

at Andy's cut the crap what's the spread

barter plus 45 and a half all right

steady Earhart you only need to bet

enough to make back the cost of the

banquet how much you in for

all of it all of it ah this is a

substantial bet to allow me to turn on

the high rollers bathroom camp for you

is the only thing that will stop my

nosebleeds

they keep this old man in a stable

that just seems wrong by the way did you

bring the bag to put over his head cool

cheese the stable steaks yeah it has

that old people smell dude look at his

skin have you ever seen an elephant's

ass why it's huge

anyway let's get back to the old guy

look at his skin

I play Pinochle on how is his back this

is awesome we're gonna be like campus

heroes for this now you go in and signal

me when it's safe to bring him through

all right but don't talk about me while

I'm gone I can't believe that guy thinks

we're gonna talk about him he's so

paranoid do you like him hey Todd um

what you doing I'm on Lobby duty for how

much longer

thankfully just four more nerve-racking

minutes you'd be amazed at the flips it

goes down here man then who takes over

Charlie the blind RA from the second

floor man

they got this place locked down tighter

than Fort Lauderdale

Todd's there now and in four minutes

there's gonna be this blind guy which

ones are the blind guys those are the

ones that are allergic to chocolate

right

bad news Charles Schultz is dead

well yes but also someone stole the

strapping young man good grief my bet

gather the RAS we got to find that

mascot what's that smell

um that's just Sanford no this is

something else I know what you're

smelling from under cheese oh I get it

from under my nuts

no from under your nuts Bravo and Frank

hid me in her purse dude let's go find

out how much everyone loves our prank I

hope it went over as well as our

silverware gag that was a colossal

failure is that how you saw it I

remember it kicking ass

hey Todd why the long face no I had

trouble in the birth canal it's a dark

and dangerous place dudes how about that

prank isn't it hilarious that's not a

prank that's a crime I just hope they

nail whoever did it I think we should

just forget about it cuz these hooligans

will never be caught like Robin Hood or

syphilis or football yeah well I caught

syphilis and I'm gonna catch these guys

too

the Dean has ordered a room-to-room

search for the strapping young man

here's the only photo we have of him in

the interest of fairness

I'll start by searching my own room I

found you old man oh wait that's just a

mirror this is a disaster we're not

gonna be heroes we're gonna get our

asses kicked not if nobody finds out

well just put the old man back where he

found him the girls locker room but we

found him in the stable dude do you like

boobs or not oh my god my sea monkeys

are dead

and the mascots gone hmm

I see where you're going that old

bastard Oh Jade my sea monkeys and took

off oh man

if Todd finds the mascot before we do

we're dead we'll be the most hated guys

on campus even more than that drunk dude

who went skinny-dipping in the free beer

during Oktoberfest that was your sister

oh yeah

that was hilarious if you were a

hundred-year-old man where would you go

I'd go to one of those World w*r 1

reenactments and reenact that crap out

of World w*r one you're right

all you got to do is find the nearest

World w*r one reenactment whoo when this

dorm seems to know a lot bad that's

exactly what I was thinking

hey Eddie where's the nearest World w*r

1 reenactment I don't know but maybe

this old timer does that's him

where was he in your room I wanted to

borrow some Underpants and there he was

mine he sure do know a lot it's smelly

inside a whale who could geeky ed can

you help us return the mascot before

tomorrow's game this is the strapping

young man goldurn of course I'll help

I got money on that game night drink go

free piss out of a cornflower

oh that's just silly you only find

gopher piss in the night corn top

any news well it looks like they found

him oh that's great except they didn't

it just looked like they found him but

it turned out to be a rock damn it if I

don't get that money back I'm going to

jail

is it that rock by the gym that does

kind of look like an old man all right

here's the plan well wait until the

middle of the night when the coast is

completely clear then keep waiting until

morning when it's really crowded and

just hope nobody notices or we could do

it in the middle of the night when the

coast is clear

well you better do something he's

getting mighty agitated okay fine we'll

go with Dells plan it seems like a

lateral move but we all know what a

crybaby can be

cool alarm clock it sounds just like a

marching band bikes let's see if the

coast is clear

Wow

somebody lit the Moon afire you set this

for 3:00 p.m.

the games already started oh no I gotta

get to that game and I'm gonna lose my

five bucks thanks to you two dopes man

if Edie's mad at us the whole student

body will be - he's like a trendsetter I

mean look at him

how are we gonna sneak him in without

getting caught

well push him down the hill and hope he

rolls into the stadium

damn he's too old for gravity then he

should fly in

maybe he will Dell maybe he will or we

could sh**t him out of one of those

cannons with seconds remaining Atherton

is once again in scoring position with

the lead of 45 to nothing Lord I'm not a

pretty man but if you let barter cover

the spread I swear I'll break it off

with that fat girl from the lacrosse

team maybe we should have put him in the

other way around

no dude you want him to land on his head

this way he'll land on his feet do you

care nothing for this man's safety now

cram his shoes in and light this thing

I'm scared test

you

I'm getting a sub cranial hematoma uh-oh

you and your crazy save here's my car

look me up if you're ever under the

ninth Street overpass hey everybody

guess who sh*t the strapping young man

out of a cannon and saved the game we

did all right

like the strapping young man can't fly

go to hell

waylynn Linda how'd you like a ride in

the college's new Dean mobile I just

wanted to drive once myself

they got one of them picture radios back

here look at Nikki on the next three

South you want to go to my sorority date

party with me I must be dreaming quick

somebody pinch a loaf fine I'll do it

myself

oh whoa I'm not dreaming

you