still love the nightlife and hang out in
a bar I used to hit the button but then
I hit a settlement to see me through the
strike
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while the men of else Narborough Country
Club sh*t rounds of a hundred and lied
about it on their scorecards their wives
enjoyed the day of wealth and leisure
working on their tans look at that ten
girls that is bronze to perfection very
nice but all this Sun don't we worry
about cancer girl I'm not going to let a
little melanoma scare me when it comes
to looking good time's up let's check
[Music]
congratulations Carlos you're the
darkest Miguel sorry you lose
immigration it's good to add a little
fun to the club ha ha ha
it's not the same since Tyrone laughs OH
nothing like a little chocolate Under
the Sun melting on top of you all of you
and Tyrone the black parking valet don't
tell me you've never experienced
afro-american sin well I haven't really
not exactly
[Music]
I need to have sex with a black man
don't get upset
it's not that I don't enjoy our sex life
about that time in July on on your
birthday three years ago yeah okay you
caught me I faked it that night but body
I'm the only girl at the club who's
never picked a cocoa bean and if I want
to be accepted I have to lay down the
boogie and get jiggy with it oh thank
you for understanding
but who to choose the man next door's
got all the qualities I'm looking for so
what do you boys think what are you to
try to fix the loose banister might and
it's not that you haven't done a
fabulous job but you're outside [ __ ]
that explains the 30-foot drop when I go
into my bedroom I saw you building your
stairway to heaven and realized I had to
have one in my bedroom I'd love to
oblige but unfortunately I'm fresh out
of wood
Oh give me two minutes and a pair of
kneepads well this was trying to fit in
with her friends I was having my own
problems
fitting in
my thighs are on fire too and I can't
even feel them honey please I can't hear
my sweating - the psychics teeth and now
I'm seeing you doing donkey kicks 1 2
basket what I wouldn't give to have the
use of my right hand for about 3 minutes
baby with you not putting out Riley we
talked about this I'm practicing empathy
celibacy for the women with excessive
facial hair movement those guys at Rover
last night
they weren't guys yeah just try to think
about something besides sex well I go
lather up in a hot shower could you do a
guy a favor and hang your sweaty leotard
on my face
oh great is this a bad time
yeah brother I have to talk to somebody
what's up I just had sex with a married
woman four and a half time Fontaine you
old dog you've been pretty quiet in the
love Department for the past actually
ever since I met you I thought I'd
retire the love pump for good but she
caught me in a mood weakness all right
nothing puts a smile in a man's face
like getting his tires rotated you don't
understand I have this power over women
when it's let loose chaos and disaster a
short of follow we gotta put the cork
back in my bottle whoa whoa buddy calm
down it'll be okay take a deep breath
better now did she have a nice rack I
released my life cornucopia and she
reached a spiritual plane uh no prior to
my love doctor been down this road
before my sexual platitude is a day
bad once you've opened Pandora's pants
then no stopping it I think you're
complicating the issue let's cut to the
chase
give me graphic details
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thanks man trust still horny white quad
to give a brother perspective all right
fill me with your plenitude no huh oh
you're coming a copia glorious morning
isn't it girls the smell of freshly
mowed fairway the Sun glinting off the
luxury automobiles in the parking lot
there's there's something different
about you
what is it hair Nance bulimia let's just
say I had some hot lovin from a big
brown oven I always knew you'd fit in
iced tea no his name's Fontaine and he's
not only black he's blind to minorities
and one it might be too much for you to
handle what's his number
excuse me Liz is my best friend how'd
you like to chair the safe the Shih
Tzu's Committee a committee somebody
pinch me without breathing so do a
sister fella and hook me up with your
brother Sydney the optician remember
your Ebonics girlfriend oh that brother
Huck
sounds like cook good Captain Hook the
return of Martin guerre hello
which one of you lads ordered the
over-the-hill hooker me I did Riley
Riley come on give me 20 bucks
it's like I got free moisturizer in my
past it's okay just go with it a little
evany on ivory never hurt anybody if you
say so what the hell's going on she must
be an old friend
probably a social worker social work
she's doing um which Fox via check to
get that service
uh Riley could I see you upstairs for me
[Music]
you spontaneously upstairs thickened or
Alma lips I don't know where all my
sexual energy is coming from lately well
you know what they say once you groover
the man who can't move you've up there
[Music]
whoa free hotel reporters newly
appointed chairwoman of the save the
shih tzus committee i call this meeting
to order first order of business madam
chairman has anyone else been ruined for
all other men
my name is taffy and I'm a Fontaine a
holic he oiled me up like a piece of ahi
tuna on a hot barbecue he you smoothie
oh I'm just a man trying to keep the
ladies happy
oh I whipped you up an energy drink
the Druids drank this at their orgies
and they had enough energy left over to
a redstone hand and then they d*ed off
apparently k*lled by the smell an issue
Fontaine your help with a sexual problem
we want your hand-me-downs dope think of
your pals next time you toss out a real
skank but boys all women is beautiful
too Fontaine one of the perks of being
blind deaf guys got it real easy to
[Music]
something special oh I see them storm
clouds brewing darling you just relax
and let me replace those tears with more
joy as moistures wow he's good I do him
that didn't sound gay
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mmm miraculous not one not to need what
happened to your usual mouth Aetna of
sexual tension for your information I've
been pumping the France dirt like a
bicycle tire I'm just too much of a
gentleman to brag yo three times last
night guys yeah we read the note on the
fridge quelle coincidence
Fontaine enjoyed three romantic liaisons
Oh see Oh looks like he's trying to keep
up with me
right and you're gonna star in
Riverdance this little strange though
haha here's a bored
maybe she's fantasizing about Fontaine
no way why would she think about him
when she's got a guinea crippled white
guy she can't imagine uh-huh you look
tan son before just closing your eyes
that's a dead giveaway this far enough
baby
I'm putting the brakes on right now all
right wait until I had my front-end
aligned huh Oh anyway I never been more
miserable in my life except for getting
run over being paralyzed and having to
come here
can I say something Riley please
anything most maladjusted personality I
have ever treated once my help if my
professors could see me now
hello low self-esteem here your low
self-esteem is just icing on the cake
look this is a sexual insecurity issue
you need a dialogue with the one member
of this relationship we haven't heard
from your member
why do you have something you'd like to
say to mr. Boone stay the hell away from
me that makes me sad hey I don't have
that problem
give me the damn sock remember to wash
them in warm water hon or he'll shrink
meanwhile to save the Shih Tzu's
committee was getting a lot of new
members
Melissa's mansion had turned into a
theme park with only one ride coat I'm
talking to a saw [ __ ] this crazy let's
go Frannie has it occurred to you that I
want to be with a woman who's thinking
about me when she's doing you I don't
get what she's thinking about as long as
I'm getting to full frontal howdy you
are so shallow
hey you wouldn't pick with my head for
years I ever steered you wrong only
about three billion times I'm tired of
you calling the sh*ts do what you want
but remember if I'm not happy you are
not happy Riley who are you talking to
and just some jerk-off
[Music]
I love it when you talk dirty I'm not in
the movie
since when since now I have feelings too
you know Wow
seeing this vulnerable side of you
really makes me want your hot monkey
love come on give it to mama strong well
I don't really understand but I respect
your feelings I'll just transfer my
sexual energy into something else like
like cooking I know I'll go make myself
a cucumber zucchini and banana salad
eventually I did I finally stood up to
you I'm not gonna have sex tonight
in between the two of us that makes you
a bigger d*ck both of you out I had the
four o'clock get in line
I have to have an orgasm and get to my
manicures by 5:30 well I've got three
hungry kids and the many waiting in the
SUV ladies ladies please why can't we
all just get it all mm-hmm because I'm
the chairwoman of this committee if
anyone's going to bang his gavel it's
Mary
[Applause]
I've been waiting so long my bikini line
needs relaxing this thing gone off
Paisley just like I knew it would he has
never been nothing but trouble my whole
damn life if I don't do something soon
he's gonna get worse
real worse I don't know why he's
bitching at least he's getting his
banana peel ooh sounds like Frannie put
a clamp on the old hose monster wrong I
turn down sex tonight because I wanted
to make a point and what the hell point
was that you have no idea what he'll
have my loins rot woman's fighting all
over town Riley's relationship torn
asunder a statewide condom shortage that
may be I I can undo some of the damage
I've done I'm not unzipping these pants
for anything but a urinal
[Applause]
with the love doctor retired Fontaine
had plenty of time to catch up on all
the household chores he'd been putting
off hey Lefty
come take a look at my bookshelf and I
had plenty of time to make up with
Franny now sorry how about now
honey I'm just not in the mood there's a
different energy in the air it's less
like a temple of spiritual oneness
[Applause]
construction site
okay lefty how's that picture look now
it was then that I realized it was
better for everyone if Fontaine used a
different kind of power tool around the
house
Fontaine up to now you can bagging up to
ladies fan but there's mystery in your
past baby open up tell us what's in
there boom I can these too painful then
maybe he'll tell us
[Music]
my pals are both a blessing and a curse
I just have to raise my shine and Nubian
head and catastrophe follows my first
time with my babysitter mmm sweet Noreen
November 63 next day Freddy was sh*t few
year later i was serviced in a pretty
italian woman until it was a huge
earthquake outside rome in the 80s i
made a deposit in a nice bank early shut
up stock market crashes all calls bodies
wonderful we get a pen i retire for good
some years ago until this whole mess
started up again Fontaine and little
Fontaine I know this is difficult for
you but you can't deny the world your
gift we just have to figure out a way to
channel your power for good instead of
evil I think that's a wonderful solution
why don't you two hug mm-hmm the perfect
way for Fontaine to share his talent was
with those who needed it most desperate
horny losers remember that pleasing a
woman is nightly present presentation
and one present ejaculation what's the
other 9% toleration when forced into the
after cuddles now let's move on to the
breasteses it might help to have a
visual aid hey quit staring at me like
I'm some kind of boob here you close
enough now let's take turns with our
trimming technique left
it was also the perfect way to make
money from those who had plenty of it
desperate horny women
but the coupon in the mail said
Fontaine's love jungle not disabled
petting zoo but each one of them has
been personally cheated by the master
himself and we're running a special
introductory file I say I didn't get
rich letting a bargain get away take the
short round one koko to them what kind
of tailor are you this is just my luck
my ex friends are next door doing the
Humpty dance and I'm stuck here cleaning
a puppy crap shouldn't be too hard to
find them homes they're humping you
idiot come on Fido
let's see you sit up and beg baby I know
I'm not the greatest lover in the world
hell I'm not even the greatest lover in
this house but I'll try anything to put
you back in the mood even if it involves
sharing feelings ah that is so sweet you
know I do have this little sexual
fantasy we'll bring it on come on
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you