I used to love the nightlife and hang
out in a bar I used to hit the
but then I hit a
to see me guna strike my
[Music]
[Music]
I gotta go
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[Music]
[Applause]
what are we eating for breakfast this
morning my good friends I have made some
delicious toast for us to enjoy the
careful though this try has extremely
sharp edges I hope no one has moved the
trash can because I am blind and
therefore cannot see hey watch out
danger could ants you Oh No
[Music]
bigger laughs there and maybe a scream
cut how was I oh did the ketchup look
realistic so that is the most disturbing
thing I've seen in 30 years of
television I love them all but for
funniest family videos what happened to
babies hitting guys in the nuts I've got
something perfect for their own show I
see yes yes something with social
relevance exposing the prejudices and
misconceptions surrounding the
handicapped no just a bunch of freaks on
TV when television was invented people
marveled that it was the most powerful
communicator of all time I'm proud we
have not squandered this gift but it
lives up to its great potential every
[Music]
so it's called [ __ ] challenge yes a
reality show set in your house
following your daily struggles with the
cool hand that fate has dealt you on TV
not trying to cover our faces if I might
make a suggestion sleep with me now cuz
when I'm famous everybody's gonna want a
piece oh this sounds like the perfect
opportunity to showcase some of our
special talents exactly people are
crying out for new and exciting
television plus there's a $500,000 prize
so this is a competition yes one of you
will emerge as the victor the conquering
[ __ ] the ultimate [ __ ] if you will
this is nothing more than putting greed
up against our most precious friendships
come in meek I'll be there like fun
I'll get the contracts out in the
morning no in just a couple of pages all
very standard Wow these TV people don't
kid around the name Reilly O'Reilly is
now owned by the entertainment satellite
network I'm not allowed to accept any
movie deals without their permission
crap I can't go near the sister Beatrice
convent that's not in the contract no
I'm reading my restraining order don't
tell me you're really serious about this
it's tacky degrading and exploitative of
course it's television at least call
Ricky a lawyer should have a look at
these relax Franny I'm sure this is all
par for the course these people are
responsible professionals
I want a camera in every room I'll take
those but we haven't signed them yet DNA
traces are legally binding you can't
stop me from visiting Riley who are you
I'm his soul mate spiritual adviser
lover and best friend
he needs me we need you how would you
like to be on the show but I'm not
disabled I'm a woman too
I've had to prove myself time and time
again to men less talented and deserving
than me if being a woman is not a
disability then I don't know what is
read on sister
make sure you get lots of close-ups of
her boobs
[Music]
I love the magic of TV we kick off the
show tonight at 8:00 now remember you're
going to be locked up together for weeks
so if there's any important business you
need to take care of
did I ever tell you I was on TV once a
security camera at a liquor store
doesn't count this place won't be the
same without you what a nice thing to
say
I might get some decent customers in for
a change
so TV stars how about paying for your
drinks we better get back you policy you
have to sign fine ship
good luck can't be careful don't let
those TV people exploit you okay let's
start with a hundred copies at two bucks
a sh*t that's a few simple rules before
we get started this isn't too bad
no contact with the outside world if
your housemates vote you out you must
leave immediately and above all and
naturally forsooth thou dost wish me to
act naturally
I'll be outside in the control van
talking to you through a PA system we've
set up good luck and have fun
just because this is a competition
doesn't mean there have to be negative
vibrations let's work together and share
the money that way even the losers win
good idea about your Frannie sorry sugar
buns but that ain't the way I do bidness
but I tell you what after I win the
$500,000 and let a real man take care of
ya quit hittin on my girlfriend you
[ __ ] or I'll thump your rancid melons
you wanna fight who's gonna swing your
arms for ya a little eat me
[Applause]
Marty please leave the toilet seat up so
I don't but my head after every meal
what would a TV crew be doing with those
freaks reporting a mass su1c1de
I hope math is still alive don't they
care about our property values come on
quadriplegic Fontaine vision impaired
mentally challenged laser torso
insufficient Frannie chronic testicular
deficiency 100 cameras 10
$500,000 you
need legs to walk all over your friend
crippled
come on baby have a little morning money
hmm that sounds like a nice way to wake
up Riley this isn't a great sh*t can you
move to your left a bit Frannie continue
please
[Music]
while I didn't appreciate the intrusion
some of us were willing to share
everything you may be wondering how I
wash my nether regions without injury
k*ll it's quite ingenious it involves a
piece of string a Bulldog clip and some
industrial-strength baby
[Music]
you know what's this all about no no
there you said to meet outside the
kitchen your mission today is to make
breakfast breakfast I could do that with
my lips tied behind my back
[Music]
oh they're friends of mine
owes me money who's in charge here
hi I'm Phil producer of [ __ ]
challenge the exciting new reality show
that separates the weak from the very
weak cripples on TV battling it out for
half a million dollars in 30
action-packed minutes every night if
they get that much money they'll be able
to pack even more freaks in there
they've got to be stopped
I want in what's your disability what I
can't hear you I completely deaf [ __ ] I
heard that I exploded
[Music]
morning who the hell is that he's not
disabled this is a disaster what the
hell were you thinking you could have
told me you were sh**ting a TV show in
our health
you weren't tipped off by the cameras
recording our every move oh my god I'm
on camera ah
I say we keep him we'll score big time
in the q*eer demographic just what we
need boner benders and [ __ ] hags watching
the show will also do great with the
h*m*
the time has come to face the truth to
choose who must leave our house cripples
cast votes
I refuse to both because you're all my
friend well then I vote for Spaulding
Sparling Spaulding Spaulding small ding
sorry it's because I'm a guy is enough
not enough of a handicap for you well
how about this my nose bleeds when I
even get close to a gerbil Spaulding you
are the weakest give me goodbye
how could they do that to me hate them I
never want to see them again
[Music]
yes ladies and gentlemen just some of
the delicious beverages only available
at the very bar frequented by your
famous rebels
that's one slippery click a Fontaine
Wallbanger a fuzzy Frannie and a blazer
beer it's all head
[Music]
the handicapped neighbors oh look
Oh lives are a living hell come on sorry
Jose Bowl
[Music]
[Music]
my kidneys can't take much more
displacement times up clears well done
your bathroom privileges are restored I
still don't get what the big deal is
because tomorrow morning you have your
second vote I don't want to be here
without you
O'Reily that's lovely so we've got to
make sure we work together I don't want
to be here without you that's lovely
Riley we've got to make sure we work
together oh that's lovely Riley count me
in so just stick with me okay
uh can we talk about this later the time
has come to face the truth kritis cast
your votes
I vote for Riley what Riley Riley sorry
Riley
you said stick it to you Riley you are
the weakest [ __ ] goodnight they voted me
out of my own house boy ha ha I'll tell
you one thing you can't trust the
handicapped screw them and screw this
stupid show I'm glad to be out of my own
[Music]
they might not have a leg to stand on
but they can park wherever they want
crippled
the only thing worse than being on a bad
TV show not being on a bad TV show he's
making a cup of tea only one sugar easy
on the lemon this is crazy
I've got to get away from reality TV and
back to reality
[Music]
give the man some room get your chance
to touch him just have your wallet ready
those people are vultures what is all
this
you're a semi celebrity this is your 15
minutes of fame
so enjoy it's time for the nine o'clock
show ladies and gentlemen turn your eyes
to the stage and give a big crippled
challenge cheer to Spaulding sick
episode how could they do that to me I
hate them I never want to see them again
I want to go back I'm sure in one hour
in the meantime line up to purchase your
autographs or have your picture taken in
a genuine authentic reproduction of a
blazer costume
[Music]
you're it the challenge is over
congratulations lefty you can have your
muffin my first food in two days well
the ratings are climbing but we've got
to turn up the juice
I say we axe the boring one time goes -
[Music]
that's it you are the weakest gift Lefty
come on this show is completely full of
[ __ ] enjoyable to watch I recommend
it heartily to everyone of all ages
still number two
oh we just can't get past the capital
punishment goodtime hour it's time to
add that magic ingredient love pain pain
the phone it's okay just let the Machine
pick up what I don't get is why you're
still here Franny listen this show kind
of go against all your hippie chick love
thy neighbor's pet seal pop principles
perhaps but think of all the things I
can do with the money
adopt away who chained myself to an
entire forest you're such a moral and
virtuous person what a waste
cripples prepare for your next challenge
you each have a color with your name on
it a cat will be released into the house
the first player to put their collar on
it wins exemption from the next vote
it's not fair you can't go see the cat
not anymore they just turned the lights
out sweet Mary Martin mother Larry I'm
afraid of the dark this little pretty 10
years
quick lipid att*ck type we sustainable
not now I'm with my public this is one
crazy cab I got a plan
come on Frannie what do I do distract
him if they don't want to put us on the
show we'll have to break in who could
refuse Siamese twins joined at the head
I guess I should call for help in a few
minutes Ponte Ponte I'm the weakest kept
by now we have a saying in the final
Terry family have a million ain't diddly
if gas is cat food
don't get used much but somehow things
are probably right now the final
challenge is starting and now the
ultimate confrontation you each sit on a
bridge of balloons
armed with air r*fles the grand prize
goes to the last person standing good
luck and may the best [ __ ] win this
is gonna be as easy as sh**ting a
pacifist g*n hating fish in a barrel
don't be too sure this is for the seal
pups
I didn't mean okay lady now it's perfect
it's live why aren't they stopping the
show oh the producers mustn't defeat it
now this is great TV Phil we've got to
pull the power don't you dare this is
reality TV don't interfere we cut the
power to light everything they could
have d*ed but not in vain
we'd be number one those are numbers to
die for oh there's another way to get to
number one and put you in deep number
two smile you're on crippled camera
don't you dare this is reality TV we
don't interfere Phil how could you
sacrifice your morals for a TV show
worse how could you get good I'm sorry
please me to Franny I'm sorry I got so
competitive
I lost my humanity I'm sorry we didn't
get the money so you're all sorry the
birds dead now everybody's watching that
other show tonight on dregs of society
the bums take on the winos
I used to be somebody
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