04x05 - The Bicycle Thief

[bunniefuu]

One thing you never outgrow is cartoons.

You could be , , or ,

and when that anvil falls on that guy's head,

it's a scream.

But cartoons are kind of special,

not everything lasts.

Like it or not, some stuff you just outgrow.

Here are some examples.

Gum-wrapper chains.

When I was a kid, my jaw used to ache

from all the gum I chewed.

I could work on that chain for hours.

I was determined to make it a mile long.

But now I've kind of cut it out.

And then there's pigtails.

They used to be my hairstyle of choice.

But now that I'm a little older,

I've decided to let my hair down.

And what about batons?

I used to think that twirling them

was a pretty flashy maneuver.

But then I realized it's just a flash in the pan.

Most of the good things in life

come with their own built-in expiration date.

You can try to keep using them after that,

but odds are, it will be a stale experience.

Knowing when to move on

is what growing up is all about.

But pretty soon, I'll be trading

in the trappings of childhood

for the perks of full-blown adulthood.

I'm more than ready to trading my piggybank

for a credit card.

I can definitely handle having my o'clock curfew

pushed back to midnight.

But the thing I'm most ready to take on

is a set of wheels.

In a few months, when I finally get my driver's license,

I'll be moving on so fast,

some of the stuff I once liked will be left in the dust.

♪ Na na na na na

♪ Na na na na na

♪ All right, all right

♪ Na na na na na

♪ Na na na na na na

♪ Way cool

♪ Na na na na na

♪ Na na na na na

♪ All right, all right

♪ Na na na na na

♪ Na na na na na na

♪ Way cool

♪ Na na na na na

♪ Na na na na na

♪ Na na na na na na

♪ Just do it

Well, let's make this part of the graph

a little more blue.

What are you doing in my room?

Making a bar graph.Making a mess is more like it.

Why is your junk doing all over everything?

Clean this stuff up.

I can't. This is for school.

Besides any mom and dad wouldn't mind.

Well, I mind, chimp-brain. And it's my computer.

So wipe off this chocolate slime and get out!

But, sis, my report on Americans' consumption

of dairy products is due tomorrow,

and my computer doesn't do graphics.

Well, then do it the old-fashioned way--

Use a ruler.

Well, that would take hours.

Better get cracking.

Come on, sis, this is your brother you're talking to.

That's right, the one guy who should know enough

to stay out of my room without asking.

What about the time I picked up your game pack

and played?

You totally freaked out.

That was different. It was practically new.

You left it lying around in the living room.

That makes it fair game.

If it had been in your room, I would have asked.

If I'd asked to use your computer,

would you have let me?

Maybe. But we'll never know now, will we?

b*at it!

Come on, sis, I'll give you one last chance to reconsider.

Okay.

Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

Let me log off.

Clarissa, what is your bike doing

on the walk in front of the house?

I just about broke my neck.

I'll get it in a minute, Mom.

I don't understand.

Is it so hard to put things away when you're done?

I'm going out with Sam pretty soon anyway.

Dumb old bike.

Clarissa, you begged us for that bike.

I know, but that was three years ago.

I'm practically driving now.

I think that's a separate issue, dear.

Has anybody seen my keys?

Will, where were you when you last had them?

Why do people always ask that?

I mean, if I knew where they were--

Forget it.

Dad, I promise they're not in here.

Boy, this quilt could use a wash.

Hey, this thing is kind of neat.

Where did you get it, sport?

Can I at least borrow your ruler?

What is everybody doing in my room?

Hey, Sam.Hey, Clarissa.

Ready to check out the new CD store?

All ready.

Hey, where's my bike?

Oh, I guess Mom moved it.

Come on, it must be in the backyard.

Not here.

She must have gone all the way and put it in the garage.

Any luck?

Garden weasel, manure bag, tetherball.

No bike.

Where do you think it could be?

I don't know.

Don't you have a report to do on dairy products?

Oh, I do. Ice cream is research.

Have you seen my bike?

I don't really keep tabs on your bike, sis.

It's not in the front yard, It's not in the backyard,

It's not in the garage.

So where is it?

I think we can safely rule out spontaneous combustion

or it being swallowed by a sinkhole.

I hate to shock you with the obvious,

but maybe it's been stolen.

Stolen? Who would steal it?

It's got to be somewhere.

I'd love to help you look for it, sis.

But I've got bar charts to do, remember?

Boy, you hear about these things

happening every day.

But you never expect them to happen in your front yard.

Bikes disappear every day.

Yeah, but this bike is different.

This bike is mine.

I know it was just an old three-speed

with a bent pedal and a fake wicker basket,

but I miss my dumb old bike.

I can't believe I'm saying that, but it's true.

I mean, it's my bike.

And I hate to think about somebody else

riding around on it.

I mean, I relied on that bike.

Now that I'm walking,

my whole day got off on the wrong foot.

I'd forgotten how long it takes to get around without wheels.

By the time I got to school,

Mrs. Strepermeyer locked the homeroom door.

It's humiliating being noticed the only kid

in academic history trying to break into school.

Then after school, it took me forever

to get to the pizza pig out party with my friends.

Any way you slice it,

being without a bike really bites.

As if that wasn't enough, I finally got to see

m*rder on the Uptown Express.

Who's that?Shh!

But since I missed the opening scene,

I still don't know who done it.

Boy, for a two-wheel vehicle

designed to get a kid around town,

a bicycle has got a lot of power.

[claps]

Thank you, fans. We're here through Saturday.

No, it's not applause, sport. I'm looking for my keys.

You mean you haven't found them yet?

Oh, yeah, sure I have.

Just long enough to put that key-clapper gizmo on.

How does it work, Dad?Well, I'm not exactly sure.

I clap-- it beeps.

[beep]You follow the sound.

Hey! You find your keys.

Cool. So how long have you been looking for them?

Forty-five minutes.

[beep]

It seemed a lot more effective on the commercials.

[beep]Dad, let me ask you something.

Yeah, sh**t.

Well, what do you do

if something of yours gets stolen?

Oh, I don't think my keys were stolen, sport.

Me neither, Dad.

It's my bike.

You think your bike is stolen?

I can't find it anywhere, Dad.

Sport, I shouldn't have to tell you this,

that's why the garage has a lock on it.

I know.

Stolen. In front of the house?

It's gone. So now what do I do?

Well, let's see.

Well, you could just chalk it up to experience

and accept that your bike is gone

or we could try and get it back.

How would we do that?

Call the police.

That sounds kind of drastic, Dad.

Well, that's what they're there for.

But aren't they busy busting bank robbers or something?

Yeah, well, I'm sure they could squeeze you in.

I'll go give them a call.Thanks, Dad.

But, you know, it's my bike, and I'm not a kid anymore.

I'll call.Okay, sport.

If that's the way you want it.

[claps][beep]

Study.

The cops?

Will they take me seriously?

I mean, what if they laugh at me?

Wait a minute, what right do they have to laugh at me?

I mean, I pay taxes.

Well, okay, not me exactly, but people I'm related to do.

Only one way to find out.

Hello, operator, get me the police.

I've always wanted to say that.

Mom, cut it out.You missed a button.

That's how you wear it, Mom.

Well, I just want you to look nice for the police is all.

Mom.[doorbell rings]

Hey!

Somebody called about a missing bike?

That's me. Come in.

Hi. I'm Janet Darling. Come on in.

Mom, I think I can handle this by myself.

Okay, you go ahead.

But I think I'll hang around, though.

Are you Clarissa Darling?

Uh-huh.I'm officer Mustafah.

This is officer Baines.

Hi. So you think you can catch whoever took my bike?

Depends. You know who did it?

Funny.Tell us about the bike.

Well, I got it three years ago for my birthday.

And it seemed like a big deal at the time,

but what I really want is a car.

But, you know, you need a learner's permit first.

Uh-huh. We see. Back to the bike.

Can you describe it?Okay.

It was a -inch girl's bike...

And doesn't it have that cute license plate

that says "Clarissa" on the back?

Mom, I took that off two years ago.

It was red with a wicker basket, three-speed--

Three-speed? This is why I joined the force.

When did you last see the bike?

Monday.Uh-huh. Where?

In the front yard.Locked?

Not exactly.

Unlocked, poor daylight. Unattended?

Only for a minute.

Can you imagine we were all in the house?

Uh-huh. Are you getting all this down?

Oh, yeah.

We'll let you know if something turns up.

Is that it?

Well, what else did you expect them to do, dear?

I suppose we could fingerprint the lawn.

We'll do everything we can.

So you think you can get my bike back?

It's hard to say.

We see a lot of cases like this.

Try not to get your hopes up.

There isn't a very good recovery rate on bicycles.

A bike gets stolen every three minutes.

How often are they found?

Let's just say we've been on this case for minutes.

We haven't recovered a bike yet,

so you figure it out.

It was nice meeting you.Well, so long.

Thanks for coming.Yeah, thanks...

I think.

Boy, they weren't much help.

Well, we don't know that yet, dear.

I don't know. They just didn't seem to care.

Cops on TV at least pretend to be interested.

Let's wait and see what turns up.

Great.

By the time they find my bike,

the only wheels I'll need will be on my wheelchair.

If I really want my bike back,

I'm gonna have to go out and get it myself.

Mom and Dad want responsible. I'll give them responsible.

So what if I don't have any wheels?

I can afford a little shoe leather finding my bike.

Yeah, just like the old private eyes,

I'll scour the neighborhood.

I'll walk every inch of these mean streets.

I can see it now.

[music]

It was a cold, damp, and dingy night

like a sweat sock that had been worn

to one gym class too many.

But I didn't care. I had a job to do.

It's easy losing a bike in this town.

Hard part is getting it back. That's where I come in.

Name's Darling, Clarissa Darling, PI.

I got a tip from Willie the Mole

that something fishy was going on

down at the docks.

And I don't mean halibut.

The docks-- I hate the docks.

Order the tuna salad, extra Mayo.

Translation, the bike I was looking for

had a one-way ticket to Shanghai

unless somebody moved and fast.

That somebody was me.

Gentlemen, please. Careful, careful.

Happy to see me, Mr. Big?

You're too late, my dear.

Your precious bike is as good as gone.

Oh, yeah?

Tell that to my buddies in blue.

Darling, we got your call. What's a big...

Oh, Mr. Big, we've got a place for you downtown.

With bars on the window and everything.

Game, set, and match to you, Darling.

But next time, I serve.

You can start serving now, to for bike theft.

Haul this fish in. He's starting to stink.

Well, I still don't have a clue as to where my bike is.

But it looks like the big wheel will spin tonight.

Translation, I got to get my bike back.

And the only way to do that is to get out there

and kick up some dirt.

♪ Na na na na na

♪ Na na na na na na na na

♪ Na na na na na na

♪ Do it

♪ Na na na na na

♪ Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na ♪

I wanted to have my stolen bike back

in time to go to the movies tonight.

I was all charged up to look for it.

But after spending a couple days running around,

I think my battery is worn out.

Here are some of the things I did.

First, I put posters up all over town.

Didn't get any response.

It's true, readingisa dying art.

Then I went door to door asking if anybody had seen

any suspicious characters.

Nobody had anything to say about my bike.

But the whole neighborhood

is talking about Mr. Babblebrook's new toupée.

Turns out, he isn't fooling anyone.

I went to the used-bike store to see if somebody sold it.

Saw a lot of bikes. None of them were mine.

The worst part is I had to walk everywhere.

If only I had a bike,

finding my bike would be easier.

Should I really have to deal with this at my age?

Am I reduced to begging for rides

until I get my license?

Mom, are you busy?

Kind of, Clarissa. Why?

Well, what about later? Are you busy later?

What's on your mind?

I'm looking for a ride to the multiplex.

Sorry, dear. I've already run my errands.

Plus, I have to finish this budget

for the children's museum.

I'm never gonna get anywhere.

Well, there's another solution, you know?

You'll let me drive?No.

I mean, you can borrow your brother's bike.

Ugh. I'd rather walk.

Well, it's up to you.

Great.

The perfect ending to a lousy day--

groveling to Ferg-wad for help.

Well, I guess you got to crawl before you can ride.

Cunning move.[knock on door]

Who is it?

Can I talk to you a minute, Ferguson?

Ferguson? Ferguson?

Not Ferg-wad, Ferg-turd, or Ferg-breath?

Somebody must want something. Enter.

I need a favor.

Well, I'm a reasonable man. Ask away.

I need your bike, just for tonight.

My bike? You want to borrowmybike?

Do you have to rub it in?

Have to? Nah. I choose to.

Besides, this is from the woman who begrudged me

not only a computer but a ruler as well.

At least I'm asking first. And believe me, it's painful.

Oh, let's dwell on that a moment.

Okay, you can use my computer.

Nope. Too little, too late, too bad.

Besides, I handed in that report days ago.

Come on, Ferguson. Just lend it to me.

No, sis, because while I understand your needs,

somebody's got to look out for mine.

What are you talking about?

Well, suppose, just suppose,

I lend you my bike.

Would that be prudent?

We have clear evidence

that a bike is not safe in your hands.

I'll lock it up.

And then there's the wear and tear on the tires.

I'll give you a dollar.

You're on. Come with me.

Wait. You must be joking.

This is your crummy old bike

that Clifford wrapped around on a tree.

You never specified make and model.

Happy riding.Forget it.

Give me the Rockbounder or my dollar back.

Sorry, sis. I can't make that deal.

But I'll tell you what, you take this one off my hands

for bucks even.

With a little work, it could be a really beaut.

I can't believe this.Take it or leave it.

Let me see if I've got it.

Here's a one, a five,

and a four more ones.

Thank you, thank you.

I think I'll add this

to my presidential portrait collection.

Good-bye, my dear old bike.

Take good care of it, sis.

I've got a lot of fond memories

of my riding days with this bike.

If these spokes could talk, they'd say--

Shut up!

Okay.

Great.

Here I am ready for

a four-on-the-floor convertible,

and I'm forced to ride my little brother's

two-wheeled leftovers.

I may have outgrown a bike,

but it looks like I still need a bike.

I'm either stuck with this thing

or I'm stuck at home.

Okay, we've put on new brake pads,

new wheels, new fork,

straightened out the handlebars,

and attached a new fender.

So when you think about it, for bucks--

Ten bucks? After what I spent on parts?

Well, you saved on labor.Yeah. Thanks, Sam.

You're a real whiz with a wrench.

Hey, we worked together.

And I've got to say we really got it to look like...

A bike?Who would have believed?

Yeah, we really did do a good job.

Hi, Dad. What do you got there?

The end of my key dilemma-- a key rack.

Did you make that yourself?Sure did.

Where are you gonna put it, Dad?

Oh, right inside the kitchen door.

There's a hook for each one of us.

This way, we'll have our keys, all in a row, all together,

right by the door.

So anyone who breaks in will have total access

to everything we own.

Nice try, Dad.Yeah.

Right, well, maybe I can use it for a belt rack.

Your family sure has trouble hanging on to things.

And there are those things we can't get rid of

no matter how hard we try.

You fixed it up?

Well, you fixed it up?

I mean, how much did you spend?

A lot.

Well, it looks good. I mean, looks really good.

You spent a lot. Wow.

I can't believe you spent a lot.

You could probably resell it if you want.

Why would I want to resell it?

In case your bike showed up.It's not coming back.

You never know.

It might.

What are you talking about?Just talking.

It's a free country. Hey, Sam.

That's a nice shirt you got on there.

What are you talking about?

I've worn this shirt a million times.

Do you know something about my bike?

Yeah. Looks great.

You did a terrific job.

My other bike, my real bike.

Sis, that's crazy.

Does that make any sense

that I would know about your bike

and not tell you?

Wow.

You're getting kind of paranoid.

He's acting awfully strange.

He sure is, even by Ferg-wad standards.

What was that whole deal about my shirt?

He's got to be up to something.

Like what?

I don't know.

But I have a sneaking suspicion.

You took it, didn't you?

I don't know what you're talking about.

I'm not gonna get mad. And I'm not gonna hurt you.

I just want you to get out there and bring it back.

Sis, you're getting irrational.

You're beginning to accuse members of your own family.

We shouldn't turn against each other in times like these.

I want it back now.Now?

I'd have to have it to give it back now,

and I don't have it.

What did you do with it?

The thieves could have taken it anywhere,

even to a chop shop,

it could be in pieces all over town.

What did you do with it?

It could be way down the chains

at the bottom of Lake Winnemucca,

sleeping with fishes.

What did you do with it?

I read someplace that they melt them down.

It could be shoe buckles.

Ferg-wad!

I mean, who knows?

It could be on a slow boat to Albania,

headed for the black market.

That does it.

Prepare to kiss your worthless life good-bye!

Wait!

I'm willing to cut a deal.

You're in no position to deal right now.

Well, think about it.

I'm the only one who knows where your bike is.

And if you k*ll me, you'll never find it.

Get it!

I was gonna get it anyway.

If my bike isn't out front in minutes,

you'll gonna get it...

from me!

So, anyway, Mom, about buying a car,

you know Rebecca Petertail said she wanted a car.

And I said what kind, and she said pink.

And that makes no sense.

Uh-huh.

I mean, it's not that looks aren't important.

It just seems secondary, you know?

If I was to pick a car,

I'd pick performance over style.

I mean, don't get me wrong.

It's not that it should look like

it came out of a trash heap or anything, but...

Clarissa, I really want to talk about this,

but could you put the napkins on the table, please?

Sure, Mom.

Is Ferguson still not back?

No. And I'm a little worried.

It's getting dark.Don't worry, Mom.

I hear rodents have excellent night vision.

You know, I can't believe that we still

have to go through this with you two.

What did I do?

I mean, Ferguson stole my bike, hid it, and lied about it.

Yeah, right.

Well, today, it's him, tomorrow it's you.

It's back and forth. It never ends.

What am I supposed to do? Just sit back and take it?

Well, it's about time.

Did you put my bike in the garage?

It wasn't there.Ferg-rat!

Ferguson, I've had enough of this.

Dad, I swear.

I mean, I stashed it in the woods

behind the mini-mart.

I didn't think anybody would go back there

'cause it smells yucky.

Now it's gone.

You steal your sister's bike,

you make the police come to our house,

what were you thinking?

That was a joke.

I don't understand what makes you think

that that's a joke?

Look, she was asking for it.

All I wanted to do is borrow her computer for an hour.

And that's an excuse?

You may had really stolen and not just pretend stolen?

I guess so.

All right, Ferguson, if it's really gone,

you know what you've got to do.

Apologize.Guess again.

Apologize sincerely?One more time.

Aw, not pay for it!

Come on, Dad, it was an accident.

And when you think about it, I'm the victim here.

Yeah. Just pay her.

All right, well, we'll have to calculate for depreciation.

I've got your depreciation right here!

Just try it!Just come over here.

Oh, stop it, both of you.

I can't stand it anymore.

We're getting a little tired of this, kids.

Yeah, I'd leave...

If only I could find my keys.

And you want a car?

It's a big responsibility.

You don't want a kid behind the wheel.

I'll tell you what.

You give me my $ back,

pay me for parts I put in your bike,

and I'll keep that and we'll call it even.

Really?Hey, it's just a bike.

Whoa.

That is one serious lock, Clarissa.

I'm not taking any chances with this one.

I wanna make sure this is the last bike I need

before I trade it in for something

with four wheels and seatbelts.

Man, I can't believe you let Ferguson off the hook.

You could have gotten anything you wanted.

I mean, you were holding all the cards.

Yeah. But now I've got a real Ace in haul.

My parents think I'm ready for a car.

Good thinking.Thanks.

Hey, Sam, do you think you could lend me

a couple of bucks for the movies?

Sure. Ferguson still hasn't paid you back yet?

He's working on it.

He's actually to resorted to manual labor

throughout the neighborhood.

Sounds humiliating.Yeah.

But, you know, he's graduated to a four-wheel vehicle, too.

How long do you think it will take him

to earn the bucks?

Couple of weeks.

But something tells me it will be worth the wait.

♪ Na na na na na

♪ Na na na na na

♪ Na na na na na