05x09 - Ferguson Explains it All

[bunniefuu]

Fergwad, Fergbreath, Fergbrains, Ferglips.

Why couldn't I have a name like Hugh,

Ian,

Nigel, McKenzie?

Something with the ring of an R.A.F. Fighter pilot.

Something distinguished, something English,

instead of the endlessly ridiculable Ferguson.

Oh, the burdens I bear.

Take my sister Clarissa, for instance.

The girl is an absolute nightmare.

I mean, take the disgusting, despicable,

disheveled way she dresses.

I mean, leggings? What exactly are leggings?

Do they actually serve a function?

What's the difference between leggings and long underwear?

Why couldn't I have a sister

that wears culottes or a jumper,

like mature young women her age?

Besides, people underestimate younger brothers.

Throughout history, we've been overlooked and ignored.

The history books are filled with tales of Attila the Hun,

ravager of the European civilization,

but what about Attila the Hun's younger brother Bruce?

Okay, he didn't ravage a continent,

but you should have seen what he did to his tent.

Sure, Abraham was a rail-splitter,

but nobody was better than Bob Lincoln

at splitting hairs.

Well, this younger brother has had it

with living in the shadows.

I'm not gonna take it anymore.

And to tell you the truth, I don't have to,

not now, not tomorrow, not ever because starting today,

Ferguson will be doing the explaining,

and things will never be the same.

[ominous music]

♪ Naa naa na-na naa

♪ Na na-na na naa

♪ All right, all right

♪ Naa naa na-na naa

♪ Na-na na-na na naa

♪ Way cool

♪ Naa naa na-na naa

♪ Na na-na na naa

♪ All right, all right

♪ Naa naa na-na naa

♪ Na-na na-na na naa

♪ Way cool

♪ Naa naa na-na naa

♪ Naa naa

[elegant music]

♪

Ferguson Darling here.

I'm adjusting my new pair of huffin-vision glasses.

And just the other day,

I was reading through the latest issue ofDr. Doomsday

when I came across an advertisement

I'd never seen before,

Arnold Huffinflinger's

Practical Guide to Total Mind Control.

With this book,

I can control what people think of me.

With a single glance, I can change first impressions.

It also came with these great glasses.

They're an exact replica

of Arnold Huffinflinger's mind control glasses,

the ones he wears himself,

guaranteed to amplify my brain waves a hundredfold.

You may not realize it

but just by thinking,

I can make the Soaperstein's Collie

leave his doghouse, walk down the sidewalk,

through our front gate, and to the front door.

You don't believe me?

[barking]

Good dog, Sarge. Good dog.

Okay, you can go home now.

[barking]

What's wrong with you? Go! Leave! Go! Bye!

Okay, I'm closing the door.

It works too good.

I'll have to be careful who I use it on

or they'll be in my power forever.

Isn't power a terrible responsibility?

Now I need a human subject.

Oh, Clarissa!

[knocking]

I wonder where she is.

I think I'll do something, I always wanted to.

[Janet] Oh!

Where'd that ladder come from?

Mom, what happened?

I don't know, Ferguson.

I was coming around the back of the house

with the groceries when out of nowhere,

I got hit by a falling ladder.

That's terrible!

Oh,

Ferguson...

what is Sarge doing here?

Didn't I tell you to get lost? Shoo! scram! Go!

Mom, let me help you.

You know, I've always felt

that letting Clarissa's friends use the ladder

to get into her room was a little dangerous.

But that was what was so strange

about the whole thing.

There was no one anywhere in sight.

It was as if somebody just

pushed the ladder and then ran away.

No way! That's appalling!

Oh,

I think...

I think I'll relax

and have a cup of herbal tea in the kitchen.

Good idea, Mom.

Whew! That was close.

Oh, now where was I?

Ah, yes.

My plan to dominate the Darling family,

starting with one big irritating obstacle, Clarissa!

Dad, have you seen Clarissa?

Ferguson, can't you see that I'm busy?

Sorry. You seem a little on edge.

No, no. It's okay, son.

It's okay.

I'm just having little trouble

keeping the time-space continuum coil in place.

Time-space continuum coil?

Yeah! Sometimes, it activates, you know, without any warning.

Sounds bad.Oh, it is.

Ferguson, I'm on the verge of an incredible discovery.

This is my very first prototype all-purpose,

make it yourself, build-it-at-home time machine.

Yeah. Sure, Dad, I think I hear mom calling me.

No, wait.

See, you're just in time for its maiden voyage.

Oh, I hope the coils hold.

Thanks, Dad, but...

you know, it seems...untested.

But, Ferguson,

we can go back--back to the s to Gettysburg,

the greatest battle of the Civil w*r.

Come on, hop in.

I don't know!

Oh, I know we'll go back to prehistoric time

and see the original Jurassic park.

Dad, I don't even like dinosaurs!

Yeah. Well, it's too late now to back out.

The coil is about to go!

Aah!Aah!

Wow!Wow!

Dad, I've got to go.

Ferguson, how'd you make that Tyrannosaurus Rex

sit and roll over?

It was nothing, Dad.

Yeah, I know but you made the weirdest face.

Oh, it's just a few mental skills

I've been practicing.

By the way, Dad,

I'd recalibrate the space-time continuum coils

on a -to- ratio.

That's why the machine was so erratic.

I got to go.But, Ferguson, wait!

The coils!

Ferguson!

[expl*si*n]

Well, he can't say I didn't warn him about those coils.

Clarissa! Oh, sis!

Where is that girl?

Why is it that when you actually wanna

find your older sister, she's nowhere to be found?

[doorbell rings]

I'll get it. Hold on.

Could it be that she's outside without her keys,

unsuspecting of the terrible fate

about to befall her?

Oh, it's you.

Ferguson, what's with Sarge?

[barking]

Amscray! Go home!

He's looking at you kind of funny.

The dog is not well.

Oh, well, have you seen Clarissa?

I tried her room but the ladder's broken.

Do I look like an information booth?

Hey where'd you get the dorky glasses, Ferguson?

Just what do you think you're doing?

What's this?

Arnold Huffinflinger's

Practical Guide to Total Mind Control.

You got to be kidding.

In fact, I'm not kidding at all.

I'll bet I can control your mind.

Yeah. Mm-hmm. Get off it, Ferg.

You can't make a monkey out of me.

Oh, really?

Well, just watch.

Ferguson, what's wrong with you?

Ferguson, if you keep looking like that,

your face will freeze up.

Ferguson, stop!

Ooh, I,

I...

Ooh-ooh! Ooh-ooh! Aah-aah! Aah-aah!

Ooh-ooh! Aah-aah!

Oh, it worked,

but it was more difficult than I thought.

I'm exhausted.

Ferguson, have you seen my...

Oh.

Ferguson, where did you get those goofy glasses?

Oh, these, Mom? They're nothing.

Just some silly glasses

I found them in back of a comic book.

Ferguson, what's with Samuel?

Oh, you know,

we were just, um...

monkeying around.

Funny, Ferguson. You guys are such a kick.

Oh, Ferguson, do me a favor,

tell your sister that I was looking for her.

I forgot some things at the store.

Bye, Samuel.

Ooh-ooh! Aah-aah!

Ferguson, what is Sarge still doing here?

Oh, nothing, Mom.

Well, could you take Sarge home?

Sure, Mom. It's as good as done.

Bye, Mom. So long. Bye-bye. Bye.

Now to begin my master plan to take over this family.

What are you still doing here?

What are you doing?

I mean, come on, you're making me look bad. Get lost.

Hey, Fergball, what's Sarge doing here?

Where'd you come from?

Don't ask me about this dog.

Good boy, Sarge.

Now don't listen to old Ferglips.

Why don't you relax and go home?

[barks]

How'd you do that?

A little kindness, Ferguson, goes a long way.

So have you seen Sam around?

Sure. He's over there by the stairs.

Hey, Sam, I thought you're gonna meet me.

Sam, what are you doing? Ferguson, what's going on?

I don't know, sis.

I mean, I was just over here minding my own business

when Sam comes over and, you know,

he's jumping up and down like a monkey.

Sam, snap out of it.

Ooh-ooh! Aah-aah!

Ferguson, I don't know what you've done,

but you better bring Sam back now.

You're in big trouble. You won't get away with this!

Unfortunately, for you, dear sister, I already have.

And this time there's nothing that you can do about it.

And why is that?

Because I Ferguson W. Darling have mastered

the mind control techniques of Arnold Huffinflinger,

and therefore, I'm about to turn you into...a cow.

In your dreams, dog boy. Just forget it.

Ferguson, come on. Cut it out.

Ferguson, if you don't watch out

your face is gonna freeze in that position.

See? She's already beginning to come under my power.

What's the big idea?

Who do you think you're talking to?

That's my...Moo! Moo!

What's happening to me?

Ferguson!

You better stop before some-moo-body gets hurt.

Okay, Ferguson,

I didn't wanna do this,

but I too have studied the techniques

of Arnold Huffinflinger.

Prepare to be undone.

I can't believe it.

You've stolen my...

Moo!

I've got to concentrate harder.

Forget it, Ferguson.

You can't stop my...Moo!

His mind is stronger than I thought.

I must put a stop to this.

[tense music]

Ferguson?

Where'd he go? What happened?

Oh, no!

I've finally done it.

I knew someone would get hurt. I finally destroyed Ferguson!

What will Mom and Dad say?

When mom came home, she suddenly had

this incredible urge to see Ferguson.

Okay, she's Ferguson's mom too,

but I've never seen the mother instinct so strong.

She knows something's up,

but she couldn't find Ferghead anywhere.

Meanwhile, since Dad's time machine exploded,

he's suddenly become stuck on Ferguson too.

And even after Ferguson's strange vanishing act,

his evil deeds live on.

Sam has been making a monkey of himself,

hanging, literally, around my room.

And me,

I still haven't told Mom and Dad what happened.

I meanIcan't even believe it happened.

I think this is one big bad dream sequence.

Maybe if I close my eyes, I'll wake up.

[ladder clangs]

Hey, it worked! Hi, Sam.

[twangy guitar chord]

Ooh-ooh! Aah-aah! Ooh-ooh! Aah-aah!

Oh, great.

Why couldn't Ferguson at least have turned Sam

into a monkey who knows sign language?

Ooh-ooh! Aah-aah!

Okay.

Okay, Sam, we've got to get you out of this.

Otherwise, you'll be making banana soup

for Arnie every night.

Ooh-ooh! Aah-aah!

Ooh-ooh!

What is it, Sam?

This book?

Oh, you think the secret's in Ferguson's

stupid mind control book.

Good thinking.

Ooh-ooh!

I'm looking, Sam.

Don't give up, Sam. I'll look in the index.

Here it is.

"Reverting subjects

to their original state of mind."

Ooh-ooh! Aah-aah!

Okay, I think I've got it.

Ruff! Ruff!Huh.

Not that one.

Uh...

Let's try this.

Sam! Sam, are you okay?

Oh, no. He's still a dog.

No, I'm okay. I was just scratching my head.

Sam, you're back and you're not eating bananas!

Now I'll never eat another one again.

Well, your brother sure is a pain.

I'm glad he's finally gone.

I'm not so sure, Sam.

I have a weird feeling about all of this.

I don't get it.

For years you wanted him out of your hair,

and now he's finally gone and you're not sure?

It's just that I feel things are kind of out of sync.

Take my parents for instance--

they're actually starting to miss him.

That's a drag.

I may not like him,

but it seems Ferguson is a necessary evil.

There's got to be some way to bring Ferguson back.

Well, you were able to bring me back.

You're right. I've got to give it a try.

But I don't know how.

Well, I'd like to stick around,

but I think I've had enough excitement for one day.

Ooh-ooh! Aah-aah!

I'm sure you'll come up with a plan.

Thanks, Sam.

What am I gonna do?

This mind control stuff is driving me out of my mind.

I can't seem to shake the feeling

that as good as it seems

not to have Ferguson around, it isn't as good as it looks.

Somewhere in this jungle of paranormal information,

I've got to find a way to bring Ferguson back.

Then again, I could just forget the whole thing

and see how civilization turns out

without the little geek.

I guess this is the age-old problem

of older sisters and their younger brothers.

It isn't pretty.

Okay, on one hand,

asking Ferguson how to spell something is easier

than looking it up in the dictionary.

And he's great on camping trips

because he attracts the mosquitoes.

On the other hand, Ferguson is always the first person

to notice your zits and says so out loud.

And then there's the Heisenberg principles

of sibling relations.

See, you just don't know.

If Ferguson wasn't the way he was,

would I be the way I am?

Whoa!

Possibilities are too weird to contemplate.

Aha! Just what I was looking for.

Here in the Journal of Spontaneous Combustion

is an obscure article

on "The disappearance of an individual

in a puff of smoke and how to retrieve them."

It says here I need to re-create

the process of disappearance

in an environment filled with artifacts

and lingering vibrations of that person's life.

Oh, ick.

That means Ferguson's bedroom.

It's so quiet in here.

And so neat.

Too neat, really.

That's better.

I've always wanted to do that.

Okay,

I might as well get this over with.

Well,

here goes.

[dramatic musical flourish]

[angelic chorus]

Ferguson,

where'd you come from?

You're back!

Yes. It appears I am.

But, Ferguson, how could you be?

It can't be.

What are you wearing?

There's no way...

Well, sis, let me explain.

Contrary to your opinion of me, there have always been others

who have held me in much higher regard.

Sure, I was a nuisance, sure, I was a pest.

But that's what younger brothers are for.

Mosquitoes buzz in your ear and bite.

It's in their nature, but is that morally bad?

Okay, Ferguson, but, really...you, an angel?

I don't know.

Well, sis, I was pretty surprised too,

but it seems the big guy up there

has a special place in his heart

for us little guys, especially the youngest.

Of course, I don't know

how kindly he'll look on someone

who makes her little brother spontaneously combust.

But, Ferguson, I brought you back.

That's got to count for something, right?

And you started it by turning Sam into a monkey,

but I have to say I'm shocked,

you now, seeing you know what with wings and white...

You'll get to used to it, sis.

But what's done is done, and I'm willing to forgive.

Why does this feel really creepy?

Ferguson!

Just a little angel joke!

I guess you're finally realizing

how important I've been to this family.

The thought did cross my mind Ferguson,

but don't get carried away.

Oh, really.

Don't you realize what my disappearance

will do to Mom and Dad?

Mom and Dad are fine.

Okay, maybe they're little wacky,

but they've always been wacky.

I mean, Mom with all her weird health-food recipes

and Dad with his architectural designs

beehives, pickles, I mean, really.

Okay, already. Stop!

I'm just saying we should take a look at

what's gonna happen to them.

[loud rock music playing]What's that?

It's coming from downstairs.

Well, let's go.

I'll meet you there.

Oh, great.

My brother, the guardian angel.

[loud music playing]

Dad, are you all right?

Hey, Clarissa!

What's happening?

Do you dig those crazy sounds?

Hey,

would you like some strawberry incense?

Uh, thanks, Dad, but...

what's happened to you?

I don't know, man.

Really, I just started slipping,

you know?

Falling back on my old ways since...

he disappeared.

You mean, Ferguson?

Yeah. That's him.

You know, I guess I started just to look around

and realized, I mean...

Hey, why even try, you know? What's the difference?

But I'm okay.

But, Dad...

See, sis, what did I tell you?

Without my influence,

Dad has reverted to his natural hippie state.

You don't know that.

Hey, sport, is there someone there with you?

Yeah, Dad. It's Ferguson.

Ferguson?

He's here?

Where?

Look, can't you see him? He's right next to me.

Oh, wow!

Far out! I dig what you mean.

Yeah, I mean...

He's with me, too.

Forget it, sis. Only you can see me now.

Hey, sport.

I wanna show you something.

[vocalizing]

♪ Son

♪ Ferguson

Sport, do you wanna join me?

Uh,

no, thanks, Dad.

Come on, Clarissa. We better find Mom.

I miss you, man!

I miss you!

[coughing] Mom, where are you?

In here, dear.

What are you doing?

What do you mean what am I doing?

I'm not doing anything.

You're smoking!

Well, what am I supposed to do?

Everything's going to pot around here.

Your father's playing that crazy music.

Ferguson is gone!

And I don't know what to do.

But, Mom, you can't let that make you lose hope.

Hope? Hope?!

All my hopes are gone!

And I had so many hopes for Ferguson.

He used to hate it when I smoked.

He was appalled, disgusted.

Sure, it was little out of line,

but who cares if I smoke now?

Mom, I care! Mom, I care!

Come on, sis. We better go.

Mom! Mom!

I can't believe it.

See, Ididmatter.

Without my forward-looking capitalist bent,

dad regresses to hippiedom.

And without my incredible will to neatness,

mom starts smoking again.

They seem lost without you.

It's a stretch, Ferguson, but you've made your point.

Thank you.

So, you're the one with the wings.

You've got to help me get Mom and Dad

back to their normal selves.

They're your parents, too.

No.

Firstyouhave to admit I was important.

You're important. Everyone's important.

Hey, just because I gave you a hard time, I mean,

you gave me a hard time too.

Hey, we're brother and sister.

Okay, I admit it.

Aha! You need me.

Confess that I Ferguson W. Darling

amabsolutely crucial to this family!

Say it,amimportant.Okay.

Okay, Ferguson, you are...

Hey, wait a second.

You said "am."

If you're gone to great beyond, you'd have said "was."

Did I say "am"?

You're twisting my words.

Was! I definitely said "was."

Maybe you're not an angel after all.

Maybe...

And why are you looking at me like that for?

Ferguson, I don't think you're an angel.

Let me see those wings!Don't come any closer.

You're right. I'm not an angel.

In fact,

I'm really a devil.

I knew it.

But I've also got my good side, and I can really be an angel.

But when I'm bad, I'm really bad,

and I'm really a devil.

But I can also be an angel

or a devil.

Or an angel.

Or a devil.

Or an angel.

Or a devil.

Or an angel.Devil.

Angel.

Devil.

An angel.

Where am I? What was that?

Could it be? Ferguson?

Ferguson!

Where is he?

[dramatic music]

♪

Oh, phew! That was close.

Let me just check.

No horns.

No wings, either.

Thank goodness it was just a dream.

Hey, just look at him.

He looks like little angel when he's asleep.

It's hard to believe he's such a devil

when he's awake.

But I guess that's what younger brothers are...

a little bit of both...

an angel

and a little bit of the devil too.

Night-night, Ferguson.

[eerie music]

♪

♪ Naa naa na-na naa

♪ Naa naa na-na naa

♪ Na-na na-na na naa ♪ Na-na na-na na naa

[thunder booming]