♪
[Cheering and applause]
Welcome, welcome, welcome
to "Last Week Tonight."
I'm John Oliver. Thank you
so much for joining us.
All right, just time,
just time for a quick
recap of the week,
and it began as it seems
every week this year
has begun--with claims
that Russia was taking
aggressive action
against another country.
The search is expanding
for what's believed to be
a Russian submarine lurking
near Sweden's capital.
Sweden?
I did not see that coming,
although if this is true,
I can understand where
Putin is coming from,
because who hasn't spent
and immediately wanted
to launch an attack on Sweden?
"Someone has to pay for what I'm
going through here."
But, look, this wasn't just
classic Swedish paranoia.
They had proof.
WOMAN: Powerful sonar
now scanning beneath these waves
after the Swedes reportedly
intercepted an emergency call
from these waters to a Russian
base in nearby Kaliningrad.
And there is this--
a photo taken by a passerby
outside Stockholm
looking very much like
a submarine on patrol.
[Laughter]
Does it look like
a submarine on patrol?
Because that could equally be
a whale with a toupee,
or a penguin on a surfboard,
or absolutely anything
else in the world.
Even the Swedes weren't
exactly clear what they
were dealing with.
MALE TRANSLATOR:
It could be a submarine
or a smaller submarine.
It could be a diver using
some form of moped-like
underwater vehicle,
and it could be divers that
don't have any business
in our territory.
[Swedish accent]
It could even be
the legendary shark
that terrorizes
Swedish waters.
I talk, of course,
of "Yauss."
"Yauss," the monster
of the seas.
[Normal voice]
Now, look, look,
a brief word of caution here.
Sweden has got this
wrong before.
In 1995, after suggesting
that Russian subs were offshore,
their Prime Minister had to make
an embarrassing retraction,
saying, and I quote,
"It's a sad fact
"that what was originally stated
to be intrusions into our waters
have proved to be minks."
[Laughter]
Yes, minks. These minks.
And you know what?
Remember that photo from before?
That could absolutely be a mink,
or it could be a submarine
piloted by a mink.
We don't know. And if it was,
you let them take over
your country.
They are pissed
when they're angry.
However, I'm sure the Swedish
people will stop at nothing
to get to the bottom
of this mystery.
The Swedish Navy has called off
a weeklong search
for suspected
underwater activity.
What, that's it?
You looked for a week
and you gave up?
No, no, no, Sweden.
That's not how it works.
If you see a fuzzy photo
of something,
you let it consume you
for the rest of your life.
Scotland has been looking
for the Loch Ness Monster
since 1933,
and you gave up looking
for a Russian submarine
after 7 days!
Hey, in America, most of us
spent the last 3 weeks
trying to figure out
whether we'd just seen
Ben Affleck's penis
in "Gone Girl."
And yeah, yes, yes,
technically, it could have been
a mink, but the point is,
we won't stop until we get
to the bottom of it!
Shame on you, Sweden!
But let's move on.
In New York, we have our own
unwelcome intruder this week,
albeit of a tinier variety.
MAN: Breaking news overnight,
Ebola in New York.
An American doctor
who volunteered
for Doctors Without
Borders in Guinea
is in a New York hospital
this morning with Ebola.
Yes, much like an actor
who considers himself
too intellectual for L.A.,
Ebola has moved to New York.
Now, the patient in question
is Dr. Craig Spencer,
who is currently, hopefully,
recovering in a hospital
here in the city.
On Thursday,
public health officials
tried to calm people down
by supplying us with
a weirdly detailed rundown
of everywhere he'd been,
including this.
We know that he went
to a place called The Gutter,
a bowling alley in
Williamsburg in Brooklyn.
Mmm. Of course he did.
Of course he went to
a bowling alley in Williamsburg
because if you're talking about
a 33-year-old, white New Yorker
named Craig, you don't have
to tell me he spent a weeknight
at a bowling alley
in Williamsburg.
It is assumed.
That is assumed.
But maybe the most
incredible part
of Thursday's Ebola coverage was
how quickly things escalated.
Watch how his relationship
status was described
throughout the evening,
because it changed a bit
towards the end.
WOMAN: He had some sort
of physical contact
with his girlfriend
this morning.
He has a girlfriend,
I understand,
who has now been
quarantined as well.
Dr. Spencer's girlfriend
has been isolated now as well.
MAN: Girlfriend--
WOMAN: His girlfriend--
He has been in close contact
with his fiancée.
Mazel tov!
[Laughter]
OK.
Two options for
what happened there:
one, he was engaged all along;
or two, he got engaged after
being diagnosed with Ebola.
And I'm going for the first one,
because if you learned one thing
from that press conference,
America, know this--
there is no way an attractive
Manhattan doctor
is not engaged by 33.
You lock that shit down.
You lock it down.
You lock that shit down!
You put a ring on it
and you lock it down!
Meanwhile, for the other
the advice is pretty obvious:
Ebola is not airborne,
so there's only one thing
we all have to remember.
Now, if you came across
some strange mucus or feces
or something out there
on the subway, the street,
or anywhere else,
you know, don't eat it.
Oh.
[Laughter]
That's good advice.
That is solid advice.
[Cheering and applause]
Don't eat mystery mucus
in the street
until this Ebola panic
is over, at which point,
feel free to resume
your mucus consumption.
And finally, finally,
a quick update
on the Supreme Court.
You may remember, last week
we talked about the fact
that the Supreme Court bans
cameras in the courtroom,
releasing only audiotapes
of their oral arguments.
So we decided to assist
the news by producing
our "Real Animals, Fake Paws"
Supreme Court,
with dog versions
of all 9 justices,
plus two lawyers,
a duck assistant,
and a chicken stenographer.
Or, as you may say,
a "hen"-ographer.
We then gave the footage away
on our YouTube page
for the major news
networks to use.
None of them did so,
because they're cowards who
hate the concept of joy, but--
but the Internet at large
stepped up in a spectacular way.
Many entire Supreme Court
cases are now online.
Thank you so much
to everyone who took part.
I just want to quickly
single out one contribution
from YouTube username
Sam Gross.
To be honest, he broke
the rules a little bit
because he didn't use
a Supreme Court oral argument.
Instead, he took a different
court case with which you
may be familiar.
Enjoy.
TOM CRUISE: Lieutenant Kendrick
ordered the Code Red, didn't he?
Because that's what you told
Lieutenant Kendrick to do.
KEVIN BACON:
Objection!
And when it went bad,
you cut these guys loose!
Your Honor--
You had Markinson sign
a phony transfer order!
You doctored
the logbook!
Damn it, Kaffee!
JUDGE: Consider yourself
in contempt!
Colonel Jessup!
Did you order the Code Red?!
You don't have to
answer that question.
JACK NICHOLSON: I'll
answer the question.
You want answers?
I think I'm entitled--
You want answers?
I want the truth!
You can't handle
the truth!
[Cheering and applause]
Ah. Ah.
Moving on, moving on.
Let's talk about--
let's talk about Halloween.
As of tonight, you have
just 4 days to find
your inappropriately
sexy costume, whether it's
sexy Barney the Dinosaur
or a sexy candy corn or,
as "Playboy's" website
recently featured, and I
swear to you this is true,
a sexy John Oliver costume.
That's right. That...
[Cheering and applause]
that is an actual photo
of a human woman
dressed up to look
like a sexy me.
And the worst thing is,
there's more than one photo.
I don't know if I've ever been
as confused as I am right now,
although I'm pretty sure
that I'm not as confused
as Louis C.K. is
about his sexy doppelganger.
That's also real.
Now, at this point, let's agree
sexy Halloween costumes
have simply gone too far.
But it doesn't matter
because we all know
what Halloween is
really about--candy.
Sweet, sugar treats.
This Halloween, Americans will
spend $2.2 billion on candy,
although, to be fair, that does
include Necco wafers,
which might be better classified
as coagulated dust.
But is it really fair
to describe sugar as a treat,
considering how much
we eat it all year round?
WOMAN: Today, the average
American consumes
That's equal to 75 pounds
of sugar a year
for every man, woman, and child
in the United States.
Holy shit.
That's like eating
Michael Cera's weight
in sugar every single year.
And, look, whilst that's
a little less than it was
in the late nineties,
it's still pretty incredible,
so let's talk about sugar.
Everyone loves it,
and it turns out
that's because we are
genetically programmed to.
DR. SANJAY GUPTA:
Eric Stice, a neuroscientist
at the Oregon
Research Institute,
is using functional
MRI scanners to learn
how our brains respond
to sweetness.
Sugar activates
our brain in
a special way
that's very reminiscent
of, you know, dr*gs
like cocaine.
Sugar activates
our brains like cocaine,
and I've got to say,
"Scarface" would have been
a very different movie
if it ended with Al Pacino
sitting in a chair
sugared out of his mind
on baked goods, saying,
"Say hello
to my Little Debbie!
Say hello!"
With sugar being
so viscerally appealing to us,
it's frankly no wonder
that food manufacturers
put it in everything,
and I do mean everything.
About 35% of the sugars
that Americans consume
come from beverages.
But we're also talking about
salad dressings and ketchup
and, you know, breads
and cereals and crackers,
and the list goes on and on,
even to beef and turkey jerky.
We have no idea
how prevalent sugar is in
almost everything that we eat.
Look at Clamato juice--
the original tomato
cocktail with clam.
One serving has
so they clearly thought,
"Well, look, let's improve
the taste by adding sugar,"
instead of thinking,
"Let's improve the taste
by removing the clam."
[Laughter]
And none of this
would be a problem
were it not for the fact
that, as we all know,
excess sugar is probably
not good for us.
Both the World Health
Organization
and the American Heart
Association have warned
against the harms
of eating too much of it,
and some studies suggest
that too much sugar
can literally mess
with the brain.
WOMAN: This rat is
perfectly healthy.
Put him in a vat
of water, and he finds
his way to safety every time.
WOMAN: Now, look at this guy.
What he has been eating
is the equivalent of
a North American diet,
complete with all the fats
and sugars we regularly consume.
He doesn't know where to go.
His brain has been damaged.
Now, I don't think that rat is
unable to find the island.
I think that rat is saying,
"f*ck that island.
"There's no sugar on
that island. I want sugar!
[Sniffing]
I want sugar!"
[Laughter]
That's a Pixar movie waiting
to happen, by the way,
but the sweetener industry is
not going to take the findings
of a wet, confused rat
lying down.
They are an immensely powerful,
$5 billion industry
who fought for decades
to project their product's
health benefits.
The Sugar Association used
to claim their product
was a diet aid,
with ads positioning it
as a cure for
"the fat time of day,"
with a woman saying,
"If sugar can fill
that hollow feeling,
I'm all for it."
Because, yes,
nothing says, "I don't
feel hollow inside"
like a woman sitting
alone eating straight
from a bag of sugar.
Now, the Sugar Association
has gotten a little more
sophisticated since then.
Here is their current president.
As it relates to obesity,
there's been plenty of science
that exonerates sugar.
It clarifies sugar
does not contribute
to obesity or diabetes.
Really?
[Laughter]
Sugar doesn't contribute
to obesity?
I'm not saying it's
the only culprit,
but it's definitely one
of the key suspects.
Asking what causes obesity is
a bit like asking
who k*lled a first-grade
class's hamster.
Sure, they all k*lled it
in a way,
but I think we all know
one of them k*lled it the most.
I'm talking to you, Kevin.
You k*lled that hamster,
and you drove your father away.
There, I said it.
I said it, Kevin. I said it.
Although to be fair--
take him down.
To be fair, there are
some scientists
who dismiss links
between sugars and obesity.
For instance, this guy.
We take a complex situation
like obesity, and we say,
"Well, gee, if we could
just cut down on
sugar-sweetened beverages
or added sugars in general,
that would solve obesity,"
and I think that is
a very slippery slope and
almost certainly wrong.
That is Dr. James Rippe,
who, like Clamato juice,
turns out to contain quite a lot
of hidden sugar himself.
He's on the payroll of
the Corn Refiners Association--
the corn syrup people--and at
one point, he was receiving
a $41,000-a-month
retainer from them.
That's half a million
dollars a year!
For that much money,
you'd expect much grander claims
than it doesn't link to obesity.
He should be saying,
"My research finds
that corn syrup makes you
an immortal sex god
with X-ray vision!"
And I'm not saying
that corporate money
distorts science,
but when researchers
looked at two sets
of weight-gain studies--
one group with conflicts
of interest, like funding
from soda companies,
and one group
that was independent--
the vast majority
of independent studies found
direct links between
sugar-sweetened soft drinks
and weight gain or obesity,
and the vast majority
that weren't independent
found the exact opposite
of that.
Particularly suspicious was
a research paper titled
"I'm So Delicious,"
attributed to a Dr. Pepper.
[Laughter]
But look,
regardless of whether sugar
is terrible for you
or the answer to all
of life's problems,
shouldn't you
at least get to know
when it's being added
to your food?
And to their credit, the FDA is
trying to take this on.
This week, the FDA is
reviewing new nutritional
labeling standards,
and that may force
food makers to not just
list total sugar content,
but how much sugar they're
adding to their products.
Yes, the FDA is trying to get
an added-sugar category
onto their food labels, which is
fine, as long as it doesn't
distract them from forcing
Honeycomb cereal to reveal
what in God's name
their old mascot was.
What the f*ck was that?
It looked like some kind
of tumbleweed made of merkins.
But, look, being forced
to reveal how much sugar
you are adding to people's food
might seem pretty mild,
but there is no way
the food manufacturing industry
is going to let that happen.
The FDA has been swarmed
with letters from every
conceivable product,
from the National
Yogurt Association
to the National
Frozen Pizza Institute
to multiple representatives
of the cranberry industry.
Now, cranberries are,
I think we can all agree,
nature's most disgusting berry.
Cranberries taste
like cherries who hate you.
Cranberries taste
like what a raspberry drinks
before its colonoscopy,
and the industry knows it.
The head of the Ocean Spray
company wrote to the FDA,
saying, "Cranberries are
naturally low in sugar,
"giving them a distinctly tart,
astringent,
even unpalatable taste."
Yes, that's the head
of Ocean Spray,
describing its defining
ingredient as "unpalatable."
It's no wonder they want
"certain cranberry products
"to be exempted
from the proposed
added-sugars declaration,"
which is tantamount to begging,
"Please don't make us tell
everyone how much sugar
we dump on
our garbage bog berry."
But the most revealing plea
came from the American
Beverage Association,
who wrote that if there is
to be an added-sugar label,
it must be measured in grams
and not teaspoons
because teaspoons are,
and I quote, well, teaspoons
"may carry an unfair
negative connotation
"that undermines
the factual nature
of nutrition information,"
which is ridiculous.
What negative connotation does
a f*cking teaspoon have,
unless you're thinking
of an annoying dude at a diner
who's always trying
to balance one on his nose
or the fact that they're used
to freebase heroin?
But neither of those things is
the teaspoon's fault.
The only reason
the beverage people want sugar
to be measured in grams
instead of teaspoons
is that people understand
what a teaspoon is.
No one understands
the metric system,
which is why this proposed
FDA food label is completely
missing the point,
because if they really want us
to understand how much sugar
is in our food,
they need to find a measurement
we can immediately grasp.
And that is why tonight
we are proposing,
in the spirit of Halloween,
that product manufacturers
express their sugar content
in the form of candy;
specifically, circus peanuts--
the most disgusting
of all the candies.
They taste like
an elephant ejaculated
into a packet of Splenda,
and there is more than
in each one of these
horrifying things.
So what we're saying
to companies is this:
keep loading your products up
with as much sugar as you like,
on the one condition that on
the front of the packaging,
you display how much
sugar it contains
in the form of circus peanuts.
So, for instance,
has 88 grams of sugar,
or 16 peanuts' worth.
A can of Campbell's
Tomato soup--
A package of 20 circus peanuts--
obviously, 20 circus peanuts.
That goes without saying,
but we as consumers
must demand manufacturers
adopt this measurement.
So please tweet at them, using
the hashtag SHOWUSYOURPEANUTS.
And ask your favorite
food manufacturer--
[Cheering and applause]
Ask them.
You ask them to whip out
their peanuts and present
them to you.
And if they say to you,
"We don't want to,
that's embarrassing,
"nobody wants to see
our peanuts,
they're orange
and misshapen and bumpy,"
you tell them again,
"Show us your peanuts!"
Do it, food makers!
Expose your peanuts
to the world!
Because if you are going
to shove your peanuts
in our mouths,
the very least you can do is
tell us what we're swallowing.
[Cheering and applause]
And now this.
ANNOUNCER: Across the broad
expanse of history,
there have been billions
upon billions of idiots,
as well as a handful
of smart people.
We interviewed some
of the latter group
for our ongoing series,
"Great Minds:
People Who Think Good."
This week's people
who thinks good...
[Cheering and applause]
OLIVER: In her twenties,
Jane Goodall achieved
her childhood dream--
to live with and study
the chimpanzees in Africa,
to whom she gave exotic names.
Hello, Mike.
At this point,
she had no formal training
or even an undergraduate degree,
but the discoveries
of this daring young woman
revolutionized our understanding
of these primates,
starting with this bombshell.
GOODALL: The chimpanzee
is actually modifying
a natural object
to suit it
to a specific purpose,
thus making a tool.
OLIVER: That's right, chimps
were making and using tools,
albeit pretty crappy tools
for a pretty disgusting purpose,
but she also found
something else.
GOODALL: Chimpanzees,
like humans, have a dark side
to their nature.
OLIVER: Yes, Goodall was also
the first to show that these
peaceful forest vegetarians...
[Chimps screeching]
were actually
meat-eating assholes
who frequently engaged in chimpy
chimp-on-chimp chimpicide.
After decades in the field,
Goodall now spends her time
traveling the world
to fight for
a variety of causes,
with occasional interruptions
to speak with
a not-so-smart person.
Dr. Jane Goodall,
thank you so much
for taking the time
to speak with me.
Well, thank you
for inviting me.
You are widely recognized
as one of the great experts
on chimpanzees.
What makes them
particularly so
fascinating to you?
I think because
they're so like us and,
you know, we now know
biologically we share
our DNA with them.
Blood system,
the immune system,
the structure
of the brain--it's
almost the same, just
our brain is bigger.
And then, for me,
of course, it's
the behavior,
the fact that they
have personalities,
they have emotions
like happiness,
sadness, fear.
They communicate
with kissing, embracing,
holding hands,
patting one another
on the back,
shaking the fist,
they use tools.
Is that what makes them
such great pets?
Pets?
They're the worst
possible--they're
not pets.
I can't even say they're
bad pets because
they're not pets.
Well, I mean, they're
nice acquaintances,
housebound friends.
They're not,
and what happens--
they're very cute
and sweet and cuddly
when they're little,
and what happens
when they're 5, 6, 7,
and why do people have
their face bitten off?
Don't focus
on that, though.
Focus on the fact that
when you dress them up,
they're so funny.
No, they're not.
What about
a chimpanzee butler?
No.
At no point in your time
living amongst chimpanzees
did you think
about pulling out
a little monocle
and a top hat
and a silver tray
and training them
to bring you a cold drink?
At no point
did I think any such
ridiculous thing.
Did you ever put
a hat on them?
No.
You never put a hat
on a chimpanzee?
No.
I refuse to believe that.
Well, then we shall
disagree for the rest
of our lives.
OK. Fair enough.
Let's talk a little
about your methods.
They were not without
their initial criticisms.
For instance, one point
of contention was
that you gave
your chimps nicknames.
Why did people
criticize that?
Yeah, well,
not nicknames.
Names, just names.
Just actual names?
Yeah, well, I was--
to be scientific,
I should have
given them numbers.
What's the scientific
argument for not
giving them names?
Because it's more
objective, so if you
give them a name,
you're treating them
like people.
I'm going to throw
some names at you,
and I want you to say
if you think they would be
a good name for a chimp
or a bad name for a chimp.
Ready?
Mmm.
Jessica Chimpson.
Yuck.
All right.
Dr. Ben Anna Peel, M.D.
Too long.
Fair enough.
How about this?
This is
a little simpler--
Poothrow Wilson.
That's fine.
Right?
Yeah, that's fine.
OK, that's good.
So you--
I'd rather have
Poothrow somebody else.
Where are you going
there?
Poothrow
at people that I think
need poo thrown at them.
Jane, who do you think
needs poo thrown at them?
I'll give an example.
I mean, I'm going
to pick somebody
like Hitler
because he's gone.
Right.
Poothrow Hitler.
Great.
Poothrow Hitler is
an amazing name
for a chimp.
Fantastic.
Now, while you
were living with them,
you learnt that
chimps had specific
vocalizations.
Can you tell me
a little about that?
Well, if I'm
eating something
like, you know,
and you want some and
you come up to me...
Right.
you might beg
just like that...
Yeah.
but I don't want
to give you any,
so, "Uh-uh."
"Ooh-ooh"?
Pretty obvious.
Uh-uh.
Ooh-ooh-ooh?
No, you don't say that.
You say, "Ooh."
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
Jane, ooh, Jane.
Ooh--
Uh-uh!
Ooh.
Uh!
Hey, ooh.
Uh.
Ooh. You--ooh.
Heh heh!
I ain't
giving you any.
I don't like you.
All right, Poothrow Hitler,
take it down a notch.
Dr. Jane Goodall,
thank you so much
for talking with me.
Thank you.
Let's end this interview
in the traditional manner.
Thank you.
You're more
than welcome.
I should do it
chimp-ways.
[Chuckling]
[Laughter]
And we'd be going,
"Mmm! Ah! Ah! Ah!"
Ooh! Ah! Ah! Ooh! Ah!
Excitement, food.
Mmm.
Ah. Uh-uh!
[Laughter]
[Cheering and applause]
And finally--
finally tonight...
let's talk about Toronto
because tomorrow morning,
they will choose a new mayor.
Now, sadly, sadly,
current mayor Rob Ford--
everyone's favorite walking
beefsteak tomato--
is not running for re-election,
but don't despair,
for there is another.
Rob Ford has a brother,
Doug Ford, who is
running for mayor,
and if you are wondering
how alike they are,
please enjoy this little clip.
Whoo!
I gotcha.
I know. Holy--
Oh, good!
MAN: The funny thing is,
like all typical siblings,
the goal is,
when you're on a seesaw,
to jack your sibling off.
Totally.
[Laughter and cheering]
You know what?
You know what?
You laugh, but he's right.
On a seesaw, you really want
to jack your sibling off.
You want to do anything
to get him off.
Beat him. Beat him off
that seesaw.
Make him come,
right down to the ground
because you beat him
off so hard
on that seesaw.
But look, now,
to become mayor,
Doug Ford has had some tricky
political obstacles to overcome.
For instance, his brother has
allegedly used anti-Semitic
language in the past,
and Doug was asked about that
in a debate at a Jewish
high school in Toronto.
I'm going to play you the first
few seconds of his response.
You know something?
My doctor,
my Jewish doctor,
my Jewish dentist...
[Audience booing]
my Jewish lawyer, my Jewish--
hold it--accountant--
"Why--why is everyone booing?
I love Jews.
"I love everything
about you!
"The tiny hats, uh,
the big crackers that you eat,
"your weird Christmas candles.
I love it.
Why are you booing me?"
Look, it wasn't
the best response, sure,
which is why, after having
a night to sleep on it,
Doug took a second crack at it.
The Ford family has
an extensive relationship,
a great relationship
with the Jewish community.
Matter of fact,
my wife is Jewish.
Ooh!
How about that?
That is a convenient fact
to have remembered,
seemingly in the middle
of your sentence.
Unfortunately,
a local reporter then cast
doubts on Doug's claim,
forcing Doug Ford to bring out
his definitely Jewish wife
to talk about her definitely
Jewish heritage,
which went definitely
spectacularly well.
My mother's family has
Jewish bloodlines.
I don't practice Jude-ism.
I never have.
So, listen, she doesn't
practice Jude-ism,
hence, I guess, her use
of the term "Jude-ism,"
but though her ancestors
may or may not have been
"Jude-esque."
But, look, none of this matters
because by that point,
Doug Ford had moved on
to his next scandal,
after being overheard allegedly
referring to the journalist
who'd questioned
his wife's "Jude-ism"
as "a little bitch," a charge
he then spectacularly denied.
I was falsely accused
from the "Toronto Star."
I was having a private
conversation walking out
with two staff members,
and I guess
they just assumed
I was talking about
someone in that room.
It had nothing to do
with anyone in that room
last night whatsoever.
"I was talking about
a completely different
little bitch
"in a completely
different room.
"If I was talking
about that little bitch,
she'd know about it.
Are we done here?
Why are you booing me?"
Look, Toronto,
I think I speak on behalf
of the rest of the world
when I deliver you this message.
Please, please,
elect this man.
Sure, sure, sure,
his brother was fun,
but at a certain point,
we felt bad laughing at him,
whereas Doug Ford doesn't
have a drug problem,
he's just an assh*le,
a non-chemically assisted
assh*le,
so, please, Toronto,
I beg you,
let us laugh at your assh*le
for another 4 years.
Yours sincerely, everyone
who does not live in Toronto.
That's our show.
Thank you so much for watching.
We'll be back next week.
Good night!
GOODALL: Some chimps
can actually roll
the tongue. Can you?
Some people can...
You can't.
You're one who can't.
What? What does that mean?
I don't know.
[Chuckles]
What's wrong with me?
Or what's wrong with me?
Let's put it that way.
Yeah, let's think
of it that way.
01x22 - Sugar
Watch/Buy Amazon
American late-night talk and news satire television program hosted by comedian John Oliver.
American late-night talk and news satire television program hosted by comedian John Oliver.