04x14 - United States withdrawal from the Paris Agreement

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Last Week Tonight with John Oliver". Aired: April 27, 2014 – present.*
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American late-night talk and news satire television program hosted by comedian John Oliver.
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04x14 - United States withdrawal from the Paris Agreement

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[TV static drones]

[bright tone]

[upbeat rock music]

♪ ♪

[cheers and applause]

- Welcome, welcome, welcome

to "Last Week Tonight."

I'm John Oliver.

Thank you so much
for joining us.

And before we begin
this evening,

just a quick word regarding
last night's att*cks in London,

where seven people were k*lled

and multiple people
were injured.

Obviously, our thoughts go out
to everyone affected,

but as a British person
living in America,

I feel compelled to address
a certain theme

that emerged through American
coverage of this tragedy.

- The UK is reeling this morning

from yet another
t*rror1st attack.

- A city reeling
from a terror attack...

- The UK under siege,
essentially.

- London is
under siege.

- This is a country
and a city

that feels,
in some ways, David,

under siege.

- Okay, here's the thing.

For the record, in no way

is Britain under siege.

Is it upset?
Yes.

Is it pissed off?

Oh, you f*cking bet
it's pissed off.

But to say it's under siege
and that its people are reeling

is to imply that
it's somehow weak enough

to be brought to its knees
by three monumental assholes.

And that, as an idea,
is insulting.

In fact, British people
were so irritated by headlines

about Britain reeling,

like this one
in "The New York Times,"

they took to Twitter
this morning,

using the hashtag:
ThingsThatLeaveBritainReeling

to show things that,
unlike t*rrorists,

actually do have the ability
to rock them to their very core,

like, "Accidental eye contact
on the tube or in a lift,"

and "When people make tea
in the microwave."

I can't believe, with a gif
of a monkey screaming.

Honestly, it was
an uplifting demonstration

of quintessentially
British defiance,

because the British people
are never going to let

terror change their way of life.

And if you need proof of this,
just look at this footage

of people being evacuated
from the scene.

You see that one guy there?

He refused to leave
his pint of beer behind.

That is a one-man, walking,
"Keep Calm and Carry On" poster.

But perhaps my favorite reaction
of all came from this man,

who was in a restaurant and
witnessed the att*cks firsthand.

He actually went back
to that restaurant this morning

to try and pay his bill
and tip the staff.

And when a reporter asked
whether he was worried

about his safety, this was
his incredible response.

- We're not gonna let
these people win.

And I keep saying,

if me having a gin and tonic
with my friends,

flirting with handsome men,

hanging out
with brilliant women,

is what offends
these people so much,

I'm gonna do it more,
not less,

because that's what
makes London so great.

[cheers and applause]
- f*ck yeah, it is!

f*ck yes, it is!

And I hope, I sincerely hope,

that that guy is
out on the town tonight,

pounding down gin and tonics

and flirting with
every man he sees.

To you, sir, I say this:
cheers.

[cheers and applause]

Cheers to you.

But for now...

for now tonight, let's move on
to Vladimir Putin,

perhaps the biggest threat
to the United States

after the President
of the United States.

Putin was seemingly everywhere
this week,

appearing in
newly released clips

for the upcoming
Oliver Stone series on him,

which looks like
a truly depressing episode

of "Carpool Karaoke."

And also appearing tonight
as guest of honor

on Megyn Kelly's new NBC show,
which I assume is called,

"Forget Everything I Said on Fox
Since 2004 with Megyn Kelly."

But the most notable thing
Putin said this week

was when he admitted
for the very first time

that Russian citizens
may have been involved

in hacking the U.S. election.

- [speaking Russian]

- Hackers are
free-spirited people,

like artists.

If they wake up in the morning
in a good mood,

they paint pictures.

Same way with hackers.

They wake up one morning,

read that something
is going on

in international relations,

and if they are
patriotically minded,

they begin to contribute
in their own way,

which they feel is right.

- Oh, sure.

Hackers are just artistic types

looking for inspiration.

They're like an improv troupe
who said,

"All we need is a location
to get started,"

and someone in the audience
shouted,

"Inside the email server
at the DNC!"

Now, Putin's coy answer there
has now just added smoke

to the concerns
about Russia's connections

to the Trump administration,

smoke that got ever so slightly
thicker this week

after some news that got a bit
lost in other developments.

- All right,
the "Washington Post"

now out with
a report alleging

the Trump White House is looking
to give Russia back

its compounds
in Maryland and New York.

Russian officials were ousted
from those diplomatic compounds

by the Obama administration
in late December

in a direct response
to Moscow's interference

in the 2016 election.

- Yes, it seems
the U.S. is considering

giving Russia back
two compounds,

which have,
since the Reagan era,

been associated
with spying on Americans.

Because with Trump in office,

it seems Putin is about
as likely to get what he wants

as a Make-A-Wish kid
who just wants to meet

Jason Mraz.

Really?

Oh, no,
Jason's definitely available,

I'm just saying...really?

[laughter]

And the reason this is
potentially so worrying

is that the compounds are
directly connected

to the scandal that tripped up
Michael Flynn,

a man whose very face
answers the question,

"What if an eagle
hated Muslims?"

Now, you may remember
that Flynn got in trouble

for misleading answers
about phone calls

with Russia's ambassador
during the Trump transition,

and one subject
of those phone calls

was allegedly whether
Donald Trump would roll back

sanctions on Russia,
sanctions that included

closing these two compounds.

And now it seems that
not only may that happen,

but we're not really expecting
much in return.

- So the Trump administration
appears to be willing

to--to give back
those two compounds,

one in Maryland,
and one in New York,

to the Russians
that had been seized

by the Obama administration,

but it--but Russia's
not coming to the table

to give us anything back.

- And that is why
this looks so bad.

Trump may be handing
the Russians back compounds

from which they have
reportedly spied on us

in the midst of
a special counsel investigating

whether his campaign
colluded with Russia,

an investigation that includes
the issue

of those very compounds
he may now be returning,

and he could be doing
all of this while receiving

nothing for America in return.

And at this point,
I honestly kind of hope

Putin does have
a golden shower tape of him,

because otherwise,

Trump is the worst dealmaker
in human history,

which shouldn't
really be a surprise,

because we all remember

the name of his famous book:
"The Art of the...

"Look, I Never Wanted
Any of This.

"I'm Way Out of My Depth.

"This Was Just A Branding
Exercise That Got Out of Hand.

"Oh, My God, the Russians
Are On the Phone Again.

"Tell Them I'm Not Here, Jared.

"What Did You Do?
What Did you Do, Jared?

Oh, Shiiiit!"

[cheers and applause]

And now, this.

- Does that not strike you
as incredibly cynical?

- It is.
It's incredibly cynical.

That's exactly what it is.

- So do you see this
as a moral obligation?

- Yeah.
It's a moral obligation.

- Well, it was
classified information.

- It was classified information.

- Effected
an overwhelming response...

- Effected an overwhelming
response.

- And empowering
a criminal network.

- And you're empowering
a criminal network.

- It was just a coincidence?
- It was just a coincidence.

- And it takes off.
- It takes off.

- That's why it's powerful?
- That's why it's powerful.

- Same way.
- The same way.

- And you're five years old?
- And I'm five years old.

- 500 a day?
- 500 a day.

- Half a billion dollars.
- Half a billion dollars.

- In cash?
- In cash.

- Divided.
- Divided.

- You wanted more.
- I wanted more.

- So that's your shtick?
- My shtick, yeah.

[clock ticking]

- Moving on.

Our main story tonight
concerns Earth,

the adopted home world of Bjork.

What...are you?

[laughter]

Now, the reason we have to talk
about Earth tonight is this.

- President Trump revealing
his decision to the country,

to the world.

"We're out," he says,

pulling out of
the Paris Climate Accord.

- I was elected
to represent...

the citizens
of Pittsburgh.

Not Paris.

- Okay, first, relax.

No one for a second thought
that you represented Paris.

Partly because everyone knows
Paris is represented

by a smoking French bulldog
who found the first course

to be derivative and jejune.

But it is true.

This week, Trump announced
he would pull out

of the Paris Climate Agreement,

which is hardly surprising.

As a title,
it is so off-brand for him,

it might as well have
been called

"The Globalist Cuck Surrender"

or "A Light Jog."

Yet--yet, pulling out of this
is a huge deal,

and to understand why,
it helps to keep in mind

one key number,
and it's 2 degrees Celsius.

Now, it's a bit of a shorthand,

but the concern is
that if we fail

to limit temperature rise
to that number,

things get very bad
and potentially irreversible.

- Scientists say
we'll likely see

longer droughts
and more intense heat waves,

which could cause
big disruptions

to the world's food supply.

- If we don't start with
rapid emissions reductions

and substantial emissions
reductions,

then we'll pass a danger point

beyond which the consequences
for many people

in countries on Earth
will simply become unacceptable

and eventually disastrous.

- It's true,
and we are not talking about

a fictional apocalypse,

like the one
in the movie "2012."

We're talking about
an actual global disaster,

like the movie "2012."

And the serious danger
may actually be more imminent

than you think.

One estimate says
that to have a good chance

of avoiding
the 2 degree threshold,

human emissions of CO2 should
stay below this level in total.

This is our so-called
carbon budget,

and by the end of last year,
we were estimated

to already be up to here.

And if current emission trends
continue,

we would go above that
critical line in about 20 years.

And that is not a long time.


was on TV,

Foo Fighters were touring,

and Paul Rudd looked like this.

What I'm saying is, 20 years ago
was basically now.

So, the Paris Agreement's
central aim

was to try and keep
our global temperature rise

below that 2 degree threshold,

and to do that, each signaturee
would set their own goals

with a plan to reconvene
every five years

to ideally set
more ambitious targets.

And look, it was not perfect.

Some critics at the time felt
that it did not go far enough,

but the key achievement
was, for the very first time,

getting virtually
the entire world,

including China and India,

to commit to taking action.

It was a historic moment,
and it was celebrated like this.

- The moment
the world agreed

to tackle
climate change.

- [speaking French]

[cheers and applause]

- And so,
the Paris Agreement was born,

and emotions spilled over.

So much so that Laurent Fabius
banged the gavel again.

- [speaking French]

- So, I have been asked
to bang the gavel again.

It's a little gavel,

but I think it can do
great things.

- Okay.
Okay, listen.

Listen, I'll say this.

If you are trying
to convince people

of the gravity of a moment,

maybe don't use such
a humiliatingly shitty gavel,

because it just undercuts
what you're trying to say.

It would not be appropriate
for a judge

to conclude a death penalty case
by saying,

"I hereby sentence you
to hang by the neck until dead.

May God have mercy
upon your soul."

[gavel squeaks]

Right?

[gavel squeaking]
Solemn moment!

Solemn moment for everybody.

So--so why
did Trump announce

that he would pull out
this week?

Well, one clue may have come

during his speech on Thursday

when he actually talked
about that happy celebration

that you just saw,
but seemed to see

something sinister in it.

- The rest of the world
applauded

when we signed
the Paris Agreement.

They went wild.
They were so happy.

For the simple reason

that it put our country,

the United States
of America,

which we all love,

at a very, very big
economic disadvantage.

- What are you talking about?

They were happy because
they secured a landmark victory

for the future of the planet,

you f*cking egomaniac!

The whole world is not
secretly conspiring

against the United States.

The only thing the whole world
is secretly conspiring to do

is convince everyone
that there are two Olsen twins.

There is no way.
It is just one girl

moving very quickly
backwards and forwards.

It's an optical illusion.

The Olsen twins thing
is a massive scam,

and the whole world
is in on it,

and the only thing that
I don't quite know yet is why.

But we don't have time
to get into it.

The point is,
if the agreement was a scheme

to hurt American businesses,

you know
who that might be news to?

Many American businesses,

because they were not just
in favor of this agreement,

they even made
a last-ditch attempt

to change Trump's mind.

- 25 companies,
including Microsoft and Intel,

have purchased
a full page ad

in today's
"New York Times" arguing...

- Well, come on, I mean,
he was clearly

never going to be convinced
by an ad

in "The New York Times."

How was he going to see it?

If those companies really wanted
to get his attention,

they needed to talk KFC into
putting out a full bucket ad,

which he would read
on the toilet

while eating chicken

because that, at its core,

is who our president is.

But it turned out--

it turned out that rather than
listening to those companies,

the president was getting advice

from climate change skeptics,

like his EPA chief,
Scott Pruitt,

and human custody hearing,
Steve Bannon.

Although, really,
Trump's actions were in keeping

with a long-held skepticism
that he has

concerning climate change.

He has called it,
"expensive bullshit"

and a hoax created by China,

and he repeatedly
brought that idea up

on the campaign trail,
often before

losing track of what
he was talking about,

and performing real-time
word association.

- China isn't abiding
by anything.

They're buying
all of our coal.

We can't use coal
anymore, essentially.

They're buying our coal
and they're using it.

Now when you talk
about the planet,

it's so big out there.

We're here, they're there.

It's like they're our
next door neighbor, right?

In terms of
the universe.

Miss Universe,
by the way,

made a great deal
when I sold it.

Oh, did I get rich.

That was a great deal.
Oh.

You know, they broke
my choppers on that.

They said, "He talks
about illegal immigration.

We're not gonna put him
on television."

First of all, Univision's
being sued like crazy.

You wouldn't believe it.

And NBC, I made
a great deal with them,

just like an amazing deal.

- Why can't you finish
a thought?

Why can't you finish
a thought?

That is--that was 36 seconds

touching on at least
seven different topics,

including the non-phrase
"broke my choppers,"

and yet, he did not conclude
a single thought there.

A goldfish would hear
that speech and go,

"Hey, hey, hey, focus,
get back to China!

"You were talking about China.

"What is wrong with this--

oh, God, I'm drowning!"

And, look,

when you combine Trump's
lack of attention to detail

with his deep-rooted paranoia,

you get
the wildly misleading reasons

that he cited on Thursday
for pulling out of Paris.

For instance, he seemed
to think the agreement

committed America to shutting
down coal-fired power plants.

- China will be allowed
to build hundreds

of additional
coal plants.

So we can't build
the plants,

but they can.

According to
this agreement.

India will be allowed
to double

its coal production

by 2020.

Think of it.

India can double
their coal production.

We're supposed to
get rid of ours.

- Okay, for the record,

the agreement doesn't
actually ban America

from building coal plants.

It doesn't even contain
the word "coal."

Each--each country sets
its own goals

that it can meet
however it wants,

so that is wrong--
that's just wrong.

As is the fact that
Trump said in his speech,

America would
"continue to be the cleanest

and most environmentally
friendly country on Earth."

Which is objectively untrue,

because over history,
the U.S. has emitted,

by far, more carbon
than any other country,

and we still emit
more per person

than almost any other nation.

So that's like Mark Wahlberg
saying he's going to

continue to be the best dentist
on the planet.

How?
How are you going to do that?

That's not what you are, Mark.

Maybe you could decide
to do that one day,

but you're definitely
not doing it now.

Then there is Trump's concern
over the Green Climate Fund,

which finances projects
in developing nations

helping them adapt
to the impacts of climate change

and reduce their emissions.

Watch now as Trump describes
that fund.

- The Green Fund
would likely

obligate
the United States

to commit

potentially tens
of billions of dollars

of which the United States
had already handed over

one billion dollars.

Nobody else is
even close.

- Okay.
Okay.

Now, to his credit,
that is actually

an impressive amount
of misleading bullshit

in very few words.

In fact, here is everything
that he just said.

Let's break those words down.

First, "The Green Fund."

It's not called
"The Green Fund."

It's called
"The Green Climate Fund."

I know, but still.

Then, "Would likely obligate
the United States

to commit" money.

There is no
enforcement mechanism

in the Paris Agreement.

The U.S. could just easily
refuse to pay the bill,

something Donald Trump
has a lifetime

of practice doing.

As for the "potentially
tens of billions of dollars,"

no, we committed $3 billion.

You can't just inflate three
to "potentially tens."

I can't say that you have
had potentially tens

of failed marriages.

I can only say you've had three,
because you have.

You have had three
failed marriages,

and yes, I am very much
including your current one.

And--and finally--

finally,
"nobody else is even close

to paying more."

That is just
willfully misleading.

While we have given the most
so far in sheer dollars,

we are one
of the richest countries

and one of the top emitters,

and when you rank contributions
as a fraction of GDP,

we are 32nd,

so Trump's description
of the agreement

is so flamboyantly deceptive,

it would have been equally
accurate for him to say,

"Compliance with the
Paris Agreement would likely

"require all ducks
to wear jean shorts,

"and that it would
potentially cost

"each and every American citizen

five fish and a dump truck
full of hamsters."

That would be as true
as what he just said.

And even...
[applause]

Even when he tried to strike
a reassuring tone,

he got it wrong.

- So we're getting out.

But we will start
to negotiate

and we will see if we can
make a deal that's fair,

and if we can,
that's great.

And if we can't,
that's fine.

- Except no.

It is not fine, is it?

Because the leaders
of Germany, France, and Italy

said in a statement,

"We firmly believe
that the Paris Agreement

cannot be renegotiated."

And I would not test
Europe's leaders

when it comes to pulling out

of a major
international agreement.

Britain is trying that bullshit
right now with Brexit,

and maybe you can send
your demands

to same email address
that Europe set up for that.

It's: Lick.OurNuts
@GoFuckYourselves.eu.

So drop them a line.

Drop them a line.
They'll answer.

But I have saved Trump's most
ludicrous misunderstanding

of the agreement for last,

because for a man who cites
the agreement's strict,

onerous, and draconian terms,

what he does not
seem to comprehend

is each nation sets
its own goals, remember,

and more important, the whole
thing is f*cking voluntary.

- The agreement,
as a whole,

is not legally binding,

and doesn't
penalize nations

who fail to meet
their commitments.

But it does include a process
designed to shame them

into compliance.

- It's true.
The only penalty was shame.

And unfortunately, this
president is completely immune

to the very concept of that.

If they even tried to shame him
into compliance,

he could just hold up
this photo

of him in a too-short bathrobe

on what appears to be
a child's bed, and say,

"I posed for that.

You cannot hurt me any more
than I've already hurt myself."

And at this point,
you may be thinking,

"Well, hold on,
if it's all voluntary,

then what is the harm
in leaving?"

Well, the truth is,
it's substantial.

And let's start
with just the harm

to America's standing
in the world alone,

because Trump's decision
to leave this agreement

has pissed off almost everyone.

- This morning,
German Chancellor

Angela Merkel
called it,

"Extremely regrettable."

Canadian Prime Minister
Justin Trudeau

called it, "Disheartening."

And the Vatican went further,
saying,

Mr. Trump's decision was
a "disaster for everyone."

- Wow.
Think about that.

We are getting shit-talked
by the Vatican.

And not by n*zi pope--
the cool one.

That's worse.

That is like
getting into a Twitter fight

with the Dalai Lama.

He--he doesn't snap often,

but when he snaps,
he snaps hard.

And look, that reputational harm
can have real costs

for businesses abroad.

One environmental negotiator
who worked

in the George W. Bush
administration

described this decision as...

And that is rough,

because a bad association
can stick with a brand

for a long time.

Just ask Sexual as*ault
Pudding Cups,

Double m*rder Car Rentals,

or Mr. Touchy's Fresh and Tasty
Pedo Sandwiches.

And then--

then, there is the harm
to American workers.

the very people Trump is
claiming to protect,

Because most of the world
now realizes

that in order to reduce
emissions,

we need to shift to
renewable forms of energy,

and the more a government
encourages that,

the faster it happens,

the quicker costs come down,

and the more likely that
that country is to be

at the forefront
of a whole new industry,

creating countless jobs
in the process.

And you know who knows that?
China.

Or, as Trump would say,
"Chiina!"

Trump just handed
a huge advantage to them.

They've not only canceled plans
to build more than



they're also dramatically
increasing investment elsewhere.

- China plans to spend
more than $360 billion

on renewable energy
by 2020,

which it says will create

at least 13 million
new jobs.

- So you know what,
in a way,

Trump is fulfilling
his campaign promise.

He is creating
millions of new jobs.

He's just doing it
for the wrong f*cking country.

And if you want proof that
the jobs of today and tomorrow

are in renewable energy,
France's new president,

Emmanuel Macron, actually issued
a call this week

to America's workforce.

- To all scientists
engineers,

entrepreneurs,

responsible citizens
who were disappointed

by the decision
of the President

of the United States,

I want to say,

that they will find,
in France,

a second homeland.

I call on them,
come,

and work here with us.

- I guess
what he's saying there is...

♪ Be our guest ♪

♪ Be our guest,
put our service to the test ♪

♪ Tie a napkin 'round your-- ♪

You know what--
we don't have time for this.

Stop, stop, we don't--
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, Lumière.
I'm sorry, Mrs. Pots.

I'm sorry, Cogsworth.
You gotta go.

You gotta go.
Quick, this is my fault.

Get the f*ck out of here,
you little f*ckers.

[gavel squeaking]
Get out, get out.

But look, the real concern--

the real concern--

the real, real concern here
is that America's absence

from the Paris Agreement
could make other countries

less inclined to meet
their commitments,

and remember, that could quickly
become catastrophic.

And that brings us
to our final point.

Given that we cannot afford
just to wait four years

to vote Trump out of office,
what can be done now?

Well, for starters,
companies need to continue

to step up,
and to their credit,

some, like Walmart
and Bank of America,

have set deadlines
to power themselves

completely with
renewable energy,

and nearly half
of the Fortune 500 companies,

including
Philip Morris International,

have pledged to reduce
their carbon footprints

in the coming years.

That is right.

This is a story where Walmart,

Bank of America,
and Philip Morris

end up being the good guys.

Which just feels
inherently surprising.

It's like I just said,
"Great news, everyone.

"Ebola, !sis, and that dentist
who shot Cecil the lion

"are gonna save the planet
for us!

"Thanks, guys!
You're the best!

You are the best!"

And look, look, it is
not just companies stepping up.

In the wake of Trump's decision,

multiple governors have
announced their intention

to hold themselves
to the Paris Agreement goals,

as have many mayors,
including, notably,

the mayor of Pittsburgh.

You know, the city that Trump
cited as the reason

he was pulling out
of the agreement.

Their mayor, Bill Peduto,
was pretty clear

about what he thinks
about Trump's decision.

- Pittsburgh is
the poster child

of showing
why the Paris Agreement

is good economics
for the United States,

and what we did today

sets us back decades.

- Wow.

That is pleasantly surprising
on so many levels.

Not the least of which is,
I had always just assumed

that Pittsburgh's mayor was
a Heinz ketchup-drenched

Lombardi trophy.

So we're all learning
a lot of things tonight.

But what this means is that
the onus is now on politicians

at the state and local level

to do what Donald Trump
cannot be bothered to,

an unfortunately,
that means that you now

need to find out
where your mayor,

your governor,
and even your state reps stand

on climate change,
and first,

you'll have to find out
who they are,

but then--then,
you will need to find out

their positions and look,
maybe you'll get lucky.

Maybe yours is great.

Or maybe you live
in Pennsylvania

and you're represented
by state senator Scott Wagner,

who has an interesting theory

for what might be causing
global warming.

- I-I don't even know
where to begin there.

I mean, yes, the Earth does move
closer to the sun every year,

but then, it moves
further away from the sun,

because that is what
a f*cking year is.

Our body heat
is not warming the planet,

and we are clearly
not doing the best we can

'cause we keep putting idiots
like Scott Wagner

in positions of power.

And he is not alone.

In North Carolina,
they're considering a bill

that would freeze progress
that that state has made

towards renewable energy.

And one of the people
who would have a vote on that

is state rep Larry Pittman.

So, what is Larry's nuanced take
on climate?

- No, Larry.
No.

The height of hubris
is not opposing climate change

against God's will.

The height of hubris
is, according to Wikipedia,


pulled us out

of the Paris Agreement.

So, if your local reps
resemble those guys in any way,

you are going--

you're gonna need to work

to get them out of office
as soon as you can,

and all of this is going to take
work, attention, and energy,

and I know that's not easy.

But Trump may have inadvertently
done us a tiny favor this week,

because the problem
with climate change

is that it's always felt
so abstract, impersonal,

and far off into the future,

and the usual symbols
that we use

don't do much
to fix or help that.

It's either a graph
that's difficult to understand,

or a sad polar bear
on a small piece of ice.

And it's hard to get
emotionally fired up over that.

I don't even know that bear.
He could be a d*ck.

But--but finally--

finally, this week,
the climate change movement

may have gotten a symbol
to rally around,

because apparently,
it was never quite enough

for us to motivate ourselves

out of love
for this large gassy orb,

but maybe, just maybe,

we can now motivate ourselves
to do something

out of our loathing
of this one.

And now, this.

- We're gonna put
$456 million

to go to an island
of 50 people?

- The bridge to nowhere, right?
- The bridge to nowhere.

- Each person has a purpose.
- Each person has a purpose.

- 24 hours a day?
- 24 hours a day.

- You got greedy?
- I got greedy.

- Bribes and threats.
- Bribes and threats.

- Bribes?
- Bribes.

- Covering up tests?
- Covering up tests.

- Fake urine?
- Fake urine.

- You name it.
- You name it.

- And that's basically
what happened?

- That's basically
what happened.

- Car's in charge.
- Yeah, the car is in charge.

- It's locked.
- It's locked.

- And this is a private home?
- This is a private home.

- We're guinea pigs?
- You're guinea pigs.

- That's an occupational hazard?
- That's an occupational hazard.

- Genuine fake extra virgin
olive oil.

- Genuine fake extra virgin
olive oil.

- So you admit
that you participated

in a system that just
willy-nilly jacked

prices way up?

- Did I say anything
about "willy-nilly"?

- I'm saying "willy-nilly."
I'm saying "willy-nilly."

- I know, I'm not saying
"willy-nilly."

[clock ticking]

- That's our show.
Thank you so much for watching.

See you next week.
Good night.

Come on, guys!
Come on!

[cheers and applause]

Great!
Great!

[bright tone]
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