04x17 - Vaccine safety

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- Welcome, welcome, welcome

to "Last Week Tonight."

I'm John Oliver.

Thank you so much
for joining us.

And look--look, before we begin,
you may remember,

last week
we did a story about coal,

the reason d*ck Van d*ke
looked like he spent

all of "Mary Poppins"
in blackface.

Well, you know what,

it turns out that one
of the coal company CEOs

that we mentioned was not
particularly thrilled

with how the piece turned out.

- Comedian John Oliver
is the target of a lawsuit

by one of the country's largest
privately owned coal companies.

Oliver strongly criticized
Murray Energy Corporation

and CEO Robert Murray
Sunday on his HBO show

"Last Night Week--
Last Week Tonight."

- It's true.

We here at the show "Last Night
Week Last Week Tonight"

are currently being sued
by Bob Murray,

CEO of Murray Energy.

And look, I desperately want to
talk to you about this tonight.

But our lawyers have
suggested that the courts

be the venue where we work
this out, and I do get that.

But I promise we will
tell you all about this

as soon as it is over.

And of course, of course,
Mr. Nutterbutter

will get a chance to tell
his side of the story, too.

Of course.
Of course he will.

But for now--

for now, tonight, let's
move on to President Trump,

two words that clearly don't
belong together,

but that we're all somehow

getting used
to hearing out loud,

like "Instagram celebrity"

or "Ansel Elgort."

Now, you may remember
back in May,

Trump suggested on Twitter

that he may have tapes
of his conversations

with deposed FBI Director

and Slender Man alter ego
James Comey.

Well, on Thursday,
Trump finally admitted

that he had no such tapes

and offered up
this rationale for his claim.

- Well, I didn't tape him.

You never know what's
happening when you see

that the Obama administration,
and perhaps longer than that,

was doing all of this
unmasking and surveillance

that you read all about it.

And I've been reading about it
for the last couple of months,

about the seriousness of the--
and horrible situation

with surveillance
all over the place,

and you've been hearing
the word "unmasking,"

a word you probably
never heard before.

So you never know what's out
there, but I didn't tape,

and I don't have any tape,
and I didn't tape.

[laughter]

- What the f*ck was that?

Whenever Trump talks,
it's like a cross between

a lottery machine
that spits out words

and a Speak & Spell
that just fell into a toilet.

But--but he wasn't done,

because Trump
had not yet explained

the strategic brilliance
of how his tweet

influenced James Comey.

And just wait for the reporter's
follow-up at the end.

- When he found out that,
uh, I, you know,

that there may be tapes
out there,

whether it's governmental tapes
or anything else and who knows,

I think his story
may have changed.

I mean, you'll have
to take a look at that,

because then he has to tell
what actually took place

at the events,
and my story didn't change.

My story was always
a straight story.

My story was always the truth,
but you'll have to determine

for yourself whether or not
his story changed.

But I did not tape.

- It was a smart way
to make sure he stayed honest

in those hearings.

- Well, uh, it wasn't, uh...

it wasn't very stupid,
I can tell you that.

[laughter]

- Wow.

"It wasn't very stupid."

Let's break down
what just happened there.

First, world-class reporting,
Fox News.

You--you really held
his feet to the fire there.

Second, he seemed
justifiably taken off-guard

by that compliment.

And third, think about
what he just said.

He didn't just casually admit to
misleading the American public.

He also implied
that doing so

may have swayed
Comey's testimony,

which, if that was his intent,

could constitute
witness tampering.

And on top of all that,
he then implied he made Comey

tell the truth
about their conversations,

seemingly verifying
Comey's account,

which is incredibly damaging
to the president.

So, yeah,
Trump might actually be right.

It wasn't "very stupid."

It was extraordinarily stupid.

But all this--
all this served to distract

from the really
important business

going down in Washington
this week

concerning the Senate's new
Obamacare replacement bill,

the Better Care
Reconciliation Act.

It was released on Thursday

ahead of a likely vote
next week,

and was quickly denounced
by many Democrats.

Barack Obama
took to Facebook to say,

"It would raise costs,
reduce coverage,

roll back protections, and
ruin Medicaid as we know it."

And you know what,
obviously Obama objects

to repealing the ACA.

His parents literally
named him after Obamacare.

Of course he would say that.

So put that aside.

But meanwhile, in the Senate,
Chuck Schumer engaged

in some spectacular
prop comedy.

- When the White House passed
their health care bill,

a bill that President Trump
called "mean,"

I thought it wouldn't
be possible

for the Senate Republicans
to conjure up a bill

even worse than that one.

Unfortunately,
that is what they have done.

Here you go.

[camera shutters snapping,
indistinct chatter]

"Meaner."
Can you read it?

Do I have to color it in?

- Yeah, you do.

- How's that?

Right there.
"Meaner."

[laughter]

- Oh, my God.

[cheers and applause]

Now, if political theater
were actual theater,

that was the equivalent of
someone falling to their death

in "Spider-Man:
Turn off the Dark."

Now, as for the contents
of the bill,

it is set to hurt
a lot of people.

Because the BCRA
preserves much

of what was objectionable
in the House bill,

like tax cuts
for the wealthy

and deregulation
that would make it possible

for insurers to drastically
cut their coverage.

And when it comes
to Medicaid spending,

this new version is
in some ways even harsher

than it was before.

- The House bill would end
the Medicaid expansion

in three years,
and give states a block grant

to fund Medicaid
as they see fit.

The Senate version
phases out

Medicaid expansion
more slowly,

starting in 2021,
but makes deeper cuts

to the overall
Medicaid program by sharply

reducing federal funding
over time.

- So the House bill would cut
Medicaid relatively quickly,

whereas the Senate bill
would do it more slowly

but far more drastically.

And both of those options
are deadly.

It's basically choosing between

getting run over
by a drunk driver

or getting run over
by a drunk elephant.

And, you know,
that poor elephant

has been going through
a rough patch

since her divorce.

Oh, that's right,
I said "Her."

#LadyElephantsCanCommit
InvoluntaryManslaughter.

#Feminism.

And--and to be clear--

to be clear, those cuts will
have massive impacts.

Right now, Medicaid covers




with disabilities,

and 64% of all
nursing home residents.

So unless you are a professional
beach volleyball player

with a vasectomy,
who is estranged from his family

and who plans to
jump into a volcano at age 35,

you or someone you know

desperately needs
these services.

Now, you may have heard some
Republicans have come out

against this bill
in its current form.

Some, because it's too harsh.

Others,
because it is not harsh enough.

And of course
Ted Cruz is in that group.

Of course he is.

He's the only man in history
whose personality

somehow contracted bedbugs.

But--but I would--
here's the thing.

I would be very careful

relying on those politicians
to hold out.

Just this morning,
Rand Paul suggested he might

vote for the bill
if they needed him,

and Ron Johnson
said he wasn't a no,

he was just
a "not yes yet."

Which isn't so much
a courageous stance

as it is not
a cowardly stance yet.

And that is the sort of thing

that means
you should be very wary

of any coverage
with this kind of tone.

- Today on "Face the Nation,"

the Republican Senate health
care bill is on life support.

- Is the plan to repeal
and replace Obamacare

on life support?

- A Senate plan that, as it
stands, is dead on arrival.

- It would seem,
as things stand right now,

the Republican version of
the bill is dead on arrival.

- Oh, that's great,
it's dead on arrival.

Then kick back and relax,
everyone,

'cause I haven't felt this
confident about an outcome

since Tuesday,
November 8, 2016.

[cheers and applause]

The point is--

the point is,
there is every chance that,

absent huge effort
to stop it,

this bill may well pass.

So resisting complacency
would be,

to borrow
a truly moronic phrase,

"Not very stupid,
I can tell you that."

And now this.

- Talkback callers seem
to be pretty much obsessed

with the train and trolley
in our backyard.

- I would just like to know
whose idea it was

to put a train
in the backyard.

I am trying to watch the news
and hear the weather,

and it's distracting.

- I'm calling
about your train.

Whoo-whoo!

Keep the train rolling, baby.

- How about making
this train go the right way?

The way it's running now
is the wrong way.

- Thank you all
for the choo-choo train.

We don't care if it's going
backwards or frontwards.

We just enjoy it.

- Well, Kurt, that stupid
trolley keeps blowing over

because it's not
supposed to be there.

The train is supposed to be
there, not the trolley.

- Tell that guy complaining
about the trolley being on,

conductor can put
anything on the track

he wants to put on the track.

Shut up and go do your
supper dishes.

- Question: What is going on
with the train?

Why isn't it running?

It hasn't been running in weeks.

- Wah, wah, wah.
The train is not running.

I wish an editor would put
a quarter stick

in that train
and blow it up.

- Oh, yes,
we're calling again.

Your train in the backyard
is not running once again.

- I am so sick of hearing
about these idiots

worrying about the stupid
train in the backyard already.

- I just want to say,
you know, your news show is on

so many times
during the day

that you ought to just take
one of those half hours

and play nothing
but a video

of a train
running around in a circle.

Maybe that would pacify
these idiots who keep calling

every time the train
isn't running.

[cheers and applause]

- Moving on.

For our--for our
main story tonight,

we're going to talk
about vaccines.

Or, as the fun doctor at your
family practice puts it,

"sh*ts! sh*ts!
sh*ts, sh*ts, sh*ts, sh*ts.

"sh*ts, sh*ts, sh*ts.

Seriously, there will be
a slight pinch."

Now, vaccines are
one of humanity's

most incredible
accomplishments,

and they've saved
millions of lives.

And there was a time
when a new one

was a cause
for huge celebration.

- Dr. Jonas Salk discovers
a vaccine that promises

to wipe out
childhood's crippling

and k*lling enemy, polio.

Anxious parents
are thrilled and grateful,

responding to one of
the greatest mass inoculations

in medical annals.

- It's true, people lined up
for the polio shot

like it was an iPhone.

Although--although for
the record, polio was never

"childhood's
most crippling enemy."

Because that was,
and will forever remain,

accidentally seeing
your father's penis.

[laughter and applause]

But--but despite--

despite their success,
small groups are both skeptical

and vocal about vaccines,
which is nothing new,

but these days,
their voice has been amplified

by the human megaphone

that is the President
of the United States.

- I am totally
in favor of vaccines.

But I want smaller doses
over a longer period of time.

Because you take a baby in,
and I've seen it,

and I've seen it,
and I had my children

taken care of
over a long period of time,

over a two or three year period
of time, same exact amount,

but you take this little
beautiful baby, and you pump--

I mean, it looks just like
it's meant for a horse,

not for a child.

- That is Donald Trump
on the campaign trail,

raising doubts
about vaccinations.

And that is a sentiment
that he's also expressed online

with a tweet reading,
"Tiny children are not horses."

And that--that is an assertion
that PolitiFact rates,

"Yeah, I mean,
I guess technically

we've gotta give him
that, but good grief."

And look, look,
you know this, you know this.

It is not wise to take
health care advice

from a man who has
willingly sought care

from this doctor,

who looks like he sneaks
into a Senor Frogs

in the middle of the night
to f*ck the mozzarella sticks.

You know that.

But--but it is--it is not just
Trump who is skeptical,

and those concerns
have driven

some people to extremes.

For instance, back in 2011,
some parents made headlines

by taking what they saw
as a more natural route

to immunizing
their children.

- Catherine, we're talking
about parents who are taking

used lollipops, saliva,
and puss-soaked clothing

from complete strangers
and deliberately infecting

their children.

- Okay, okay, all right.

So, setting aside
the grossness

of parents
infecting their kids

with lollipops from strangers,

that graphic has
an unfortunate misspelling,

because "swapping spit
and passing puss"

sounds like the sex talk

that Kid Rock
would give his teenage son.

"Look, bro, I know you're
gonna wanna swap some spit

"and pass some puss,
but if you don't throw

"a raincoat
on that devil dog,

"it's gonna be scorch city
for you, buckaroo.

This was quality time.
We just had some quality time."

And while it is important
to remember

that the vast majority
of parents

are making sure that their
children get vaccinated on time,

the voices of those
who don't carry.

Any Internet search about
vaccines will quickly lead you

down a frightening
rabbit hole.

And the background hum
of doubt can make some parents

understandably nervous.

- I'm concerned about
how many vaccines

we have to give
our children at once.

- So I'm kind of
debating whether--

I will do them,
but I'm debating the age.

When should
I have them done?

- There's just so much
information there,

and I don't--
I don't know who to ask.

I don't know if there's--

you know, there's no such thing
as an unbiased source.

- At least 10% of parents
delay or skip some sh*ts.

Around 1%
don't vaccinate at all.

- Right, and, you know,
parents get so much information,

it is hard to know what to do.

Should you vaccinate?

Should you eat the placenta?

Should you let kids cry?

And the answer to those,
by the way,

are yes, no, and absolutely.

Because the more they cry now,
the more they'll be prepared

to watch "This Is Us"
when they get older.

[laughter]

And this--this atmosphere
of confusion about vaccines

has caused real problems.

There are now 11 states
where the number

of unvaccinated kids
is on the rise.

And in small pockets
all over America,

the numbers can get
startlingly high.

In the Somali community
in Minnesota,

the measles vaccination rate
for children

dropped to just 42%,

and that had some
very real consequences.

- Measles, once eradicated
in the U.S.,

is now exploding in
Minnesota's Somali community,

where many parents
won't vaccinate.

- The virus is so contagious
that if you're exposed to it

and you don't have
the vaccine,

there's a 90% chance
you'll contract it.

- They can have permanent
brain damage.

They can have blindness
or deafness.

And so we wouldn't vaccinate if
this was just a rashy illness.

This is a very
serious disease.

- Exactly, and this is
how bad it is.

In that community,
the number of measles cases

so far this year
has already outpaced

the total number
in all the U.S. last year.

And that is terrible,
because the only thing

Minnesota should have
more of than any other state

is Garrisons Keillor

and people disappointed by
the Mall of America.

"Oh, so it's
just a bigger mall,

"and it has two
Build-a-Bear Workshops?

"That's amazing.

"This memory will last me
a lifetime.

"As will these two bears

from two different
Build-a-Bear Workshops."

So--so tonight, we are going to
look at why these fears persist

and what the consequences
of succumbing to them can be.

And before we start,

I kind of get why vaccines
can creep people out.

Vaccination can mean
getting injected

by a needle
filled with science juice.

Although, pretty much
every medical practice

sounds terrifying when
you break it down like that.

An appendectomy
means removing

one of your organs
through stabbery.

Antibiotics are poisons used
to m*rder things living in you.

And even exercise means

forcefully burning up
your insides.

My point is, the human body
is a true carnival of horrors,

and frankly I'm embarrassed
to have one.

And much--much of the fear
surrounding vaccines stems

from their supposed link
to autism.

Now, that is a theory
that gained traction

in the late '90s,
thanks to a study

published in the medical journal
"The Lancet,"

suggesting a link
between autism

and the MMR vaccine.

The study was of just


and it was by this guy,
Andrew Wakefield.

And if you're wondering
why I didn't say

"Dr. Andrew Wakefield,"
this is why.

- Follow-up studies
of hundreds

of thousands of children
could not find any evidence

that the MMR vaccine
causes autism.

And investigations into
Wakefield's original paper

revealed he distorted the data
and acted unethically.

- He's lost
his medical license.

"The Lancet" paper
has been retracted.

- It's true, Wakefield made
a big splash before having

his legacy tarnished
and his title revoked.

He's basically
the Lance Armstrong of doctors.

But--but even though
Wakefield's conclusions

have been debunked many times,
he not only denies wrongdoing,

he actually still gives talks

about the supposed dangers
of the MMR vaccine.

In fact, this is him in 2011
talking to the Somali community

that we saw earlier
in Minnesota

and presumably
ending his speech with,

"Trust me.
I'm a used-to-be-a-doctor."

And to be fair,
Wakefield is not the only voice

raising alarms about vaccines.

He has company from across
the political spectrum

from Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.
on the left,

to Alex Jones
wherever the f*ck he fits in,

to even this guy.

- You can't make, um--you
can't make people do procedures

that they don't want.

The parents have to be
the ones who make the decisions

for what's best for my--
for our kids.

It can't be the government
saying that.

It's against
the Nuremberg Laws.

- Yes,
that is Rob Schneider,

performing
an impromptu rendition

of his famous character

"the Annoying Guy
Who is Wrong."

Because--because despite
his misunderstanding of,

among other things,
what the Nuremberg Laws are

and what constitutes acceptable
headwear for a grown man,

Schneider has
spoken out against

mandatory vaccines for years,
even once calling

this California state
assemblywoman

to debate the issue,

prompting her
to post on Facebook,

"Let's be honest.

"That is 20 minutes of my life
I'll never get back

"arguing that vaccines
don't cause autism

with Deuce Bigalow:
Male Gigolo."

Yeah, sure, sure, it's funny.
It's funny.

But, you know, hold on, lady.

Let's not sully the good
name of Deuce Bigalow

just because of something
that his portrayer,

Rob Schneider, said.

That's like implying William
Wallace doesn't trust Jews

or Officer Nordberg
is a m*rder*r.

So, you know,
try and separate the two.

Now--now, the good news is,
these days,

very few people will say they
are completely anti-vaccine.

Instead, like the president,
they'll say,

"I'm not anti-vaccine,
but..."

And it's what
comes after that "but"

that we need
to look at tonight.

'Cause one example is,

"Hey, I'm not anti-vaccine,
but I am pro-safe vaccine."

And that can often
refer to concern

over scary-sounding
ingredients,

like thimerosal,
a mercury-based preservative.

For years now, RFK Jr.
has led a crusade against it.

In fact, just this year, he gave
a speech where he said this.

- For 33 years, I've been
working to get mercury

out of fish.

Nobody has ever
called me anti-fish.

And because I want mercury
out of vaccines,

I should not be
called anti-vaccine.

- Okay, well, for a start,
why would anyone be ashamed

to be called anti-fish?

Fish are stupid.
And how do I know that?

Look at them!
Just look at this idiot!

And it's not just him.

Check this moron out as well.

And while you're at it,
what about this dimwit?

Here's another bonehead for ya.

I'm Pretty sure
this dunce didn't make it

past the third grade.

And I think we can all agree
that this doofus

isn't exactly curing cancer.

Oh, that's right.

Come at me, fish.

Oh, I'm sorry, you can't,
can you?

'Cause--because--
and that's because

after 500 million years,

you still haven't figured out
how to breathe air.

f*ck you, fish.
It's easy.

[panting]

I'm doing it now.

Easy!

You don't know me, fish.
Get outta here.

But, you know,
more importantly--

in fact, much more importantly,
it is worth knowing

that the mercury that has
been used in vaccines

is not the same kind
that is harmful in fish,

on top of which,
as with the MMR vaccine,

there have been multiple large
studies finding no link

between thimerosal and autism.

And perhaps most importantly
of all, since the early 2000s,

as a precautionary measure,
it has been removed

as a preservative
from all vaccines

recommended for infants
except for the flu vaccines.

And even there, thimerosal-free
versions are available.

So we essentially spent time
and energy solving a problem

that never existed.

It's like spending years
fighting to get marshmallows

out of Lucky Charms
because a few people

think Minions
can choke to death on them.

For a start,
marshmallows dissolve,

and Minions don't exist,

and if they did, I would
want them to choke to death,

'cause those little f*ckers
will m*rder us.

Open your eyes.

And look, if you're thinking,
"Well, hold on, hold on.

If it wasn't harmful,
why was it taken out?"

Well, there was intense
public concern

that was amplified by people

like then-Congressman
Dan Burton,

making arguments like this.

- I have yet to find
any scientist who will say

that there is no doubt,
no doubt,

that the mercury in vaccines
does not contribute to autism.

Now, they'll say there's
no scientific evidence.

There's no studies or anything
that proves that yet.

But turn that around.

There are no studies
that disprove it either.

- All right.
All right, okay--

but here's the thing,
proving a negative

is an impossible standard.

And that is also
a slippery slope.

Because it means
that I can say to you,

"You, Dan Burton,
are a donkey fucker.

"You dress up donkeys
in cheerleader outfits

"and you f*ck them.

It's what you're into,
and you do it all the time."

And you will say to me,

"Well, wait, there is absolutely
no evidence of me doing that."

But I would say,
turn that around.

There's no evidence of you
not doing that either.

See, Dan?

This is not a road
that you want to go down.

And the thing is--

the thing is,
that donkey-fucker's remarks

actually get at why scientists

can be at a real disadvantage
in this debate.

Because they,
by their nature,

are careful in how they present
their conclusions.

- Science and English are not
really the same language.

And so when a scientist says,

"We have no evidence
that there's a link

between vaccines
and autism,"

what they're really
saying is,

"You know, we are as
positive as someone

can humanly be
that there's no link."

And one thing
that I sometimes do

when I'm talking
to parents is say,

"I'm as confident
that there's no link

between vaccines
and autism as I am

that if I was going
to walk off this building

that I would
not be able to fly."

- Right, and that is
about as clear as you can be.

And for the record,
if your doctor

does believe
they can fly, run.

Because they are either crazy,
or they are R. Kelly.

And if your--if your
pediatrician is R. Kelly,

vaccines are actually
the least of your problems then.

And I know--
I know that some will say

that the real problem
is that scientists

are being paid
by pharma companies

to hide the problems
with vaccines.

You can find
countless memes online

about how
the whole system is corrupt,

some of which feature
a very smart-looking cat.

And I'm not saying

that there are not problems
with big pharma.

There absolutely are.

We have discussed them
before on this show.

But on the rare occasions
when there have been issues

with vaccines, they have
been pulled and fast.

And I know that
that explanation

will still not satisfy some.

There are going to be
some truly toxic comments

below this video,

alongside the usual ones
about how I look like an owl

who can't get a date for prom

or that I probably live alone

surrounded by jars
I'm too weak to open by myself.

And--and the thing--
and the thing--

You're laughing too hard
at that.

And those comments will link
to "the hidden truths"

about vaccines,
and demand to know

why I didn't look into them,
and you know what?

We did look into a lot of them,
and the problem is,

I could go
point by point by point

and be talking
for hours tonight,

and this will still never end.

It's like Whac-A-Mole.

As one theory goes down,
another pops up.

And I kind of get the insistence
that there must be a link.

The age children are supposed
to get the MMR vaccine

happens to be the same age that
diagnosable signs of autism

can begin to appear,

but correlation
is not causation.

That is what
scientific studies are for.

And remember,
they are really clear.

That link is not there.

And the problem with spending
more and more time and money

trying to prove that link is
that it takes resources away

from studying actual causes
and treatments.

Just listen to the mother
of one child with autism

who started a foundation
precisely because she wanted

to find out the causes.

- We have dozens of studies.

I think we were right to look
at whether vaccines

might be a cause of autism,

but there comes a point where
there is so much evidence,

none of which shows any link
between vaccines and autism,

that you have to say,
"Enough."

- Yeah, that's right.

It's like that Einstein quote

you sometimes see
on the Internet.

"The definition of insanity
is doing the same thing

over and over again and
expecting different results."

Except Einstein
didn't say that,

because, and it seems
I cannot stress this enough,

memes aren't facts.

And if you won't
take that from me,

take it from
this very smart-looking cat.

But again, that hum of doubt
is hard to shake off.

And some parents agree
with the president,

and they favor
hedging their bets

and skipping or spacing vaccines
out just in case.



they've been asked
by parents to do just that.

And one of the places that
that idea may be coming from

is a pediatrician
named Dr. Sears.

Not Bill Sears,
the famous doctor and author.

But his son, Bob Sears.

Dr. Bob has made
a name for himself

with what can seem like
a sensible-sounding approach

to address
worried parents' concerns.

- What I've put together
is what I call

my alternative vaccine schedule.

It's a way to get
a baby fully vaccinated

but in a manner that spreads
the sh*ts out a little bit.

- And that sounds like
a decent compromise,

because it's the middle
ground position, right?

The problem is,
it's the middle ground

between sense and nonsense.

It's like saying,
"It would be crazy to eat

"that entire bar of soap,

so I'll just
eat half of it."

Now, the enthusiasm
for spacing vaccines out

stems from some
parents' belief

that children these days
get too many sh*ts too soon,

perhaps best summed up
by this meme of a doll

full of needles.

And I will say, if that's how
they were given,

I would oppose that.

But--but let's break
that fear down,

because while it is true
that children do receive

more sh*ts than they used to,

the number of antigens
in those sh*ts,

or the substances that
induced the immune response,

has greatly decreased.

And it's a drop in the ocean

compared to the thousands
of foreign antigens

a child usually
encounters every day.

Just watch a child
for five minutes,

and see if they don't
eat their friend's boogers,

put their entire mouth
over the water fountain,

or try and kiss a raccoon
they just found

in a dumpster
while playing hide and seek.

My point is,
children are f*cking disgusting.

And even Sears himself has
admitted that his approach

is not based on
scientific research.

- So, where is the--
where is the published,

peer-reviewed evidence
to support the notion

of a, quote, "overload"

if you follow
the CDC-recommended schedule?

Where does that exist?

- Chris, I don't think
there is any such research,

and I actually never
claimed there was.

I certainly have
put out there very clearly

in my writings
that my precautions

on spreading out vaccines
are theoretical.

It's a theoretical benefit
to kids,

and it's a choice
that I think

a lot of parents feel
more comfortable about

and might actually bring
more parents

to vaccinate if they can
spread the sh*ts out more

than the regular schedule.

- Right.

Except your job is
to make sure children

don't get deadly diseases,

not to make
parents comfortable.

Because you're
a pediatrician,

not a flask of whiskey
tucked into a Babybjorn.

And...
[laughter and cheering]

And Dr. Bob sometimes seems

to be trying
to have it both ways.

Because while he says he is
pro-vaccine and that he doesn't

explicitly tell parents to
skip or delay important sh*ts,

his book just happens to include

an "Alternative
Vaccine Schedule"

and a "Selective
Vaccine Schedule."

And on that one,
you can get vaccinated

for measles
as late as ten years old.

And on top of that,
every once in a while,

he'll drop a line like this.

- You know, my statement I like
to make on vaccines and autism

is that vaccines don't cause
autism, except when they do.

- And--and I know that sounds
like equivocating bullshit,

but don't worry.

Opportunistic quacks
writing books

that fan the flames of
people's unfounded fears

don't cause a legitimate
public health hazard,

except when they do.

And--and while the benefits
of Dr. Sears's plan are,

as he says, "theoretical,"

the dangers of spacing
vaccines out are very real.

The CDC says spreading sh*ts out
puts children at risk

of developing diseases during
the time that sh*ts are delayed.

And some of those diseases
are dangerous.

Measles alone was responsible

for over 130,000 deaths
worldwide in 2015,

partly because
it is ridiculously infectious.

I'm talking "Happy"
by Pharell infectious.

I just said that, and it's
already stuck in your head now.

♪ 'Cause I'm happy ♪
There you go.

That's how infectious
measles is.

And one way we can keep
measles at bay is through

something called
"herd immunity."

That is the concept whereby

the more people
who are vaccinated,

the harder it is
for a disease to spread.

But the margin for safety there

is a lot smaller
than you may think.

Most experts say that
the herd immunity threshold

for measles is around 95%.

But when, in France, that
dropped to 89% a few years back,

this is what happened.

- In 2007,
there were around 40 cases

of measles across France.

Then, in 2008,
a ten-year-old girl returned

from holiday in Austria.

She went back to school
and played with some friends.

- ♪ Frere Jacques ♪

- Several days later,
the girls became ill.

The measles infection spread
from district to district,

infecting the susceptible
population.

In 2011, there were
almost 15,000 cases.

At least six people died.

- Okay, so that clip
proves two things to us.

One, a decrease
in herd immunity

can have
devastating consequences,

and two,
anything is terrifying

if you play children singing
"Frere Jacques" underneath it.

I guarantee you that's true.

Just look at what happens when
you add that music underneath

this stock footage
that we found.

- ♪ Frere Jacques ♪

♪ Frere Jacques ♪

♪ Dormez vous ♪

♪ Dormez vous ♪

- There is no way that
those kids are not about

to be decapitated
by a stop sign.

No way.

And--and if you're thinking,

"Well, you know,
that is a chance

"that I'm willing to take,

and I'm just making
this choice for my child,"

the thing is, you're not.

You're putting at risk
kids like Rhett Krawitt.

He was diagnosed with leukemia
at age two,

and his immune system
was weakened so much

he couldn't be vaccinated,

meaning if he picked up
a serious disease,

it could be fatal.

And I'll let his mom
take it from here.

- When he was first diagnosed

he was pretty much
pulled out of society.

We avoided highly
concentrated groups of people.

When we went out,
we wore a mask.

I mean, we really did
limit his exposure.

And we just were
so excited for the day

when he could
start kindergarten

so he could have
that sense of socialization

and community and learning.

- A year into remission
and back in school,

Rhett will soon be healthy
enough to be fully vaccinated.

But until then,
his life depends

on herd immunity.

- Exactly.

So by getting vaccinated,

you're helping
and protecting those

who are most vulnerable,
like sick people,

and newborns too young
to be vaccinated.

And why would you choose
not to do that?

I believe Jesus Christ himself
put it best when he said,

"Do you seriously need
some sort of wise quote

"to convince you
on this one?

Just, like, don't be a d*ck."

And--and look, I know--

I honestly know, like, for
some people this is still hard.

But what can help is
to try and anchor yourself

to what we know to be true
about the risks of vaccines.

And when it comes to autism,
again, there is no link.

And even when it comes
to other serious side effects,

like a severe
allergic reaction,

it is literally,
according to the CDC,

close to one in a million.

And I know that, in a way,
that's not actually helpful,

because every parent
thinks their child

is one in a million, but if
it makes you feel better,

your child's odds of
being convicted of m*rder

and eventually ex*cuted
by the state

are only 1 in 119,012.

Yeah, and if that makes you
feel even worse, just cheer up.

Maybe your child will be
one of those murderers

that never gets caught.
Maybe.

They're very smart.
Maybe.

And you know, maybe one of
the biggest problems here

is that when people
hear about vaccines,

so much of the emphasis
is on non-existent

or wildly unlikely harms,
and we tend not to talk

about the very tangible good
that they do.

After all, nobody is going on
Facebook to post,

"Didn't get
polio again today!

So lit!"

And maybe we kind of should,
because it is easy to forget

the benefits
of vaccines are enormous.

- What we have seen
in the industrialized world

is, essentially,
all of the major epidemics,

they've vanished.

Moms today have
every expectation

that their beautiful
little baby will live

and not be polished off
by diphtheria,

by tetanus, even
occasionally by measles.

Now that is the transformation
in young lives

that vaccines have wrought.

- And that is
a really good point,

only slightly undercut by him
using the phrase "polished off."

'Cause you're talking about
babies, not a rack of ribs.

But here's the thing,
it really comes down to this.

It is likely
that at some point,

you may hear
scary vaccine stories

from other parents
or on the Internet,

and it is hard not to be
terrified when you encounter it.

And that is partly because
parenthood, in general,

is f*cking terrifying.

Believe me, I'm someone who is
scared of literally everything.

The dark, the light, heights,
depths, confined spaces,

wide-open spaces,
strangers, intimacy, spiders,

and a sudden and mysterious
lack of spiders.

But all of that--

but for what it's worth,
and if this helps at all,

I have a son.

He is 19 months old.

He was born prematurely,

following a very difficult
pregnancy,

and I've worried
about his health,

and I still worry
about his health a lot.

But we are vaccinating him
fully on schedule.

And if I can overcome
the temptation

to listen
to the irrational shouting

of my terrified
lizard brain,

then I believe
that everyone can.

And now this.

- Our backyard train
continues to be

a highly debated topic
in Talkback 16.

- I see Kurt in the backyard,

and the train is down
to just the locomotive.

What happened
to the passenger cars?

So much for buying
a new train

that was supposed
to be indoor-outdoor,

weatherproof
with sound and smoke.

- You guys are all talking

about the snowstorm
in the backyard,

and all I can see
is that poor train engine,

the poor little thing
spazzing out,

too worried
about his tracks

getting all covered up.

Can you give him
a little home or something?

- I'd like to see that train
running in the backyard,

even with the snow.

You get
the weatherman out there

to clean that track off,

like we used to do
in the railroad.

- Hi, I just turned
the news on,

and I saw the train running.

I am so, so happy.

Thank you,
thank you, thank you.

I could come through the phone
and give you all a big hug,

responsible for that train
being fixed.

- I just want to say
that I've been enjoying

the Talkback 16 segments.

I'd also like to add a theory
that I think Jon Meyer

is the one who is
shutting down the train

in the background
on occasion to distract

from the terrible reviews
he is getting on Talkback 16.

It's just another example
of fake news.

- That's our show.
Thanks so much for watching.

We'll see you next week.
Good night!

[cheers and applause]

Yeah, yeah.

[cheers and applause]

[upbeat rock music]

♪ ♪

[bright tone]